#just realised u said 'gender' not 'your gender' well ig my response answers both of these in a way

[anxiouslyextroverted]

How do you feel about gender?

Really complicated.

Basically, I don't know what gender is or the differences and never have. As a kid, my brother wore dresses and did 'feminine things' like played with dolls and stuff. I for one played with trucks and cars and ripped batteries out of dolls. I hated dressing up in fairy princess stuff cuz due to autism i just had this inability to pretend i was someone else yk like i had a shit imagination in that way. if someone said "pretend to be invisible" kid me would be like "but im not invisible." anyway. I really liked the colour pink and saw everything pink. flash forward a bit to like 7-13 i was onn the internet a lot, reguarly stayed up to 7 am hanging with my brother. I was chronically online on multiple social media platforms. So I did see all this shit about 'tomboys' and 'boys vs girls' However I saw it all as satire and fictional. I would see posts showing boys in suits and would be like 'yeah but they can wear dresses too, no one actually is stupid enough to gender clothes' oh little did child me know that society did that 24/7.

One of my quotes I had as a kid was "True tomboys don't give a fuck about wearing "girly" clothing because boys wouldn't care about "girly" clothing because they don't care about clothes" This was my idea, because I knew that boys didn't care about clothes based on stereotypes, I knew that girls cared about clothes. (this was the only gender stereotype I believed to an extent) however child me didn't realize that boys actually did hate feminine stuff especially pink and wearing dresses. So yeah that quote didn't go well. Anway, I also was under the influence of adult cartoons since I watched southpark since 7 and onwards so I just kinda saw myself in the main 4 boys which again further made me seperate to "girl" or whatever. young me just didn't get it. I geneuinly believed girls and boys were exactly the same in everything, I believed girls were biologically as strong as boys, often wondered why i never saw girls fighting boys in wrestling, I believed they topped in all sex same as boy (like switch), I believed boys could have babies, I believed masculine and feminine clothing were for anyone and didn't mean anything, i believed clothes were clothes, I believed boys were not allowed to be shirtless and even told some guy on the stress off for quote on quote showing his breasts ect. so young me just went around thinking that stuff. So then when it got to me being 16 and stuff I had no idea the gender differences, I believed breasts are not girl or boy so when this trans guy said to me that he didn't want breasts , I geneuinly didn't understnad because I didn't gender breasts. same with dicks i didnt gender that either yk. I gendered nothing not even names or pronouns or anything. It was gender equality taken litterally. I vividly remember one of my genderfluid friends getting pissed at me because I refused to wear makeup despite me identifying as a "girl" at the time, I say that cuz all I believed a girl was was the label girl. and i believed boy was just the label boy and nothing else was different between them. I actually rlly was uncomfy with ppl treating me diff based on gender cuz i didnt get why it was so seperated. I sorta realised the social differences over time but it still confuses me to this day. I truly believed all these gender social roles were nothing but memes and satire. Its why I have no idea what my gender is now cuz i dont know what it is, all ik is that i get treated differently based on it. I think I am nonbinary? but idk. and honestly I get really uncomfortable with things like changing my name cuz I never really saw my name as a girl name or a fem or masc thing, i just saw it as what im used to and i like keeping what im used to