#just pure fear. of intimacy? closeness? or abandonment? i don't know. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gentlenotes-moved · 1 year ago

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(mini vent)

one thing i really do hate is that i seem like a warm and open person but then friendships form and then i get real hesitant and then we get Too Close and then i get this ungodly powerful (and actually hostile-feeling?) urge to cut them off completely and destroy the friendship or blooming romance. and i. i act on it a lot. like, a lot. and then i wonder what the fuck i've just done. like, oh. fuck.

#mine #personal #vent #i just feel like a living mouse trap for people's emotions without realizing it or trying to. and i never have any malicious intentions.#just pure fear. of intimacy? closeness? or abandonment? i don't know.#but then i feel so guilty that i figure 'well if i isolate then maybe i won't hurt anyone or self sabotage my relationships'#and then i do. for months. then i apologize to my friends for vanishing for 6 months and then the cycle repeats.#....are these the effects of childhood emotional trauma..?

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