#just musing on things about writing about games. I'm someone who's never really satisfied with the personal work I put out

[castleinthemist]

was talking to mum about ring of eld stuff (reviews-wise) and she was like 'you're always talking about games and such why don't you review them?' and like...i get where she's coming from in that, i don't think it's the first time she's said as much but there is a world of difference between talking about something because i enjoy it and expressing how different facets of it are interesting to me, and critically reviewing a game because talking about facets through a lense of critique is interesting to me.

The major difference is just really do not have the mental tools to do the latter...I'd love to but my writing is full of errors, I don't know how to make an 'argument' compelling or even expressing my feelings on a thing that works in a critical way? There's a bunch of reviewers/bloggers whose writing I really enjoy and if anything that's something closer to how i'd love to talk about these things (see: Kimimi, Indie Tsushin, Errant Signal, and a good few other writups) and I def don't want to take the approach that feels like....I'm talking about the thing because you should buy it!

Weird intersection between talking about games but having teeter the line of making it feel like product placement (part of the reason I don't include links to where you can buy those games in Attract mode; I'd like to avoid making it sound like...advertising...but the core concept of it maybe feels a bit close to that. I think there's better ways I could talk about the games in there that's more...attractive without sounding by the numbers I guess.)

[verbenaa]

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Thank you so much @preciouslittlebhaalbae for the tag! I loved reading yours, and this was so fun to do!

When did you start writing?

Well, I feel like I’ve always been writing something since I was able to! I always wrote little stories as a kid, and had notebooks full of ideas and such as a teen. I stopped writing in college and it's taken me over a decade to feel confident enough again to return to it. I had never actually written fanfiction though, despite reading it since I was a preteen until this past december. it's been a great experience so far!

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I love sci-fi! I mostly read fantasy, but I do indulge myself in that as well when my interest is sparked. I do, also, love a good historical romance when I am feeling indulgent 🤭

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

There's not really a particular writer or anything I'm emulating, if anything I try to not emulate anyone and simply write with my own voice. I've also never had my writing compared to anyone else before, either!

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I write all over the place, haha 😅. On a perfect day, I get to start writing in the living room on my favorite spot on the sofa with my coffee, but it's rare I get the opportunity. I tend to write a lot instead at the built-in booth in my kitchen or at my desk…but truly I will write wherever I can. I have been known to pull over into a parking lot and jot down something really great into the notes on my phone lol. The one place I don’t usually write is in bed though, as I am a sleepy girl by nature and just being near my bed lulls me into the sleepiessss.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Hmmm, well I can't say I ever just 'muster up a muse', so to speak. I typically get ideas randomly and I can't ever force them to come. However, I do obviously love to listen to music to help set the mood, I am a chronic daydreamer, and I use pinterest a lot as a tool to help hone my focus. When I start feeling a little lost in my vision, I find it helpful to return to my playlist and the to eden pinterest board to sort of 'reset' my mind, so to speak, and get back into the proper mindset.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I like repetition, specifically in threes. I also really enjoy working with themes of sex and intimacy and how they intertwine. Trust, as well, has been a recurring one throughout my work. I also love a good musical reference here and there, too!

What is your reason for writing?

Because I have words and stories begging to be set free and can hold them back no longer. Because I want to prove to myself that I am capable of creating something, even if it's just a silly little fanfiction. Because I hope someone out there will enjoy it and maybe it will leave an imprint on them in some form or another!!!

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Any and all comments!!!! I have recently been having a real bout of lack of confidence, so going back over my comments has really helped keep me going and remind myself that there at least a few people who are enjoying my work!

I have a deep love for comments though where people point out specific parts or lines that they loved and I find this to be beyond satisfying. It's so lovely to know specifically what resonated with someone or what part they really, really enjoyed. It's a very validating experience! Few things bring me more joy than getting to read comments. I neeeeed the comment serotonin! (please leave me comments)

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I...don't know? Hopefully approachable, willing to chat? That I have somewhat of a nice grasp on what I'm writing about??? That I am at least a decent writer????

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I've received a lot of comments about my ability to set place and my imagery, so I feel confident about that skill. Also not bad at writing smut 😏.

How do you feel about your own writing?

oof. this is...a tough one, haha. I tend to be very unsure about my own writing and am also prone to confidence issues and imposter syndrome, hence part of the reason why I've been writing so much slower the past few months 🥲. I oscillate between thinking I'm writing something good that will be enjoyable or thinking that it's awful lol. honestly I can't let myself think overmuch about it and instead I just try to write, write, write and then press publish when I'm done with it 😅. I can be quite self-critical. I need to chill lol.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

I write for meeee! So far, all the stories I've told have been ones I have wanted to read myself. to eden is completely self-indulgent, as are the oneshots lol.

I could probably do a ted talk about why, exactly, I felt compelled to write to eden when there's a million other amazing Astarion/Tav fics out there and what specific aspects of the Astarion/Tav relationship I have been so eager to explore, so if ya want that LET ME KNOW ✨

Tagging @elinorbard @khywren @ladyduellist @inkymoonbunny @xxnashiraxx and anyone else who wants to join in, I would love to learn about all of you!!!

[merge-conflict]

✒️ writer interview tag

tagged by @luvwich 😼 and definitely didn't forget about this for almost a week

When did you start writing?

I think I was writing self-insert naruto fanfiction when I was 12 lol. After high school I stopped writing for about ten years, and finally picked it up again in 2020 when I was unemployed.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I don't think so- I mostly read SFF but everything I read that I like ends up thrown into my writing in some way or another. I've been wanting to expand into maybe not other themes/genres but other forms of writing? Games writing has a lot of interesting things like handling branching paths & worldbuilding/contextual/found note stuff that I think I would enjoy but I'm not quite there yet.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

No one has ever compared me to writers that I'm aware of and there's no one that I specifically emulate. However after writing a fair amount and then re-reading some of my favored books I can see where I've picked up bits of style. Recently I noticed some stuff from Gillian Flynn and Ann Leckie that I realize I do in my writing as well. I guess for me it's less emulating or channeling a writer than wanting to use one of their tools that I admire, if that makes sense?

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I don't have a writing space per se. When I was really ill I wrote in bed, sometimes I write in my home office. Sometimes I'm standing, sitting, laying down. Most often I have a little lap desk and I'll be in the living room on the couch, either on my laptop or writing on paper.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Annoyingly if I'm not already plagued by something then resting for a while usually brings on a muse. If I'm healthy and emotionally stable then there's usually something scratching at the back of my head that is inspiring me to write. If not, well- then I'm probably not going to get much done or be able to summon a muse.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Oh boy, yeah. Lots of transgender and identity adjacent stuff. Learning to live with what you have and maybe even like it. Being horny at inopportune times. Characters being forced to consider what they want and maybe even ask for it to turn their lives around. How life is so goddamn weird and messy and beautiful. None of it is surprising in general but I do sometimes get blindsided in editing by how yet again I've managed to hit the same theme (but it feels good!)

What is your reason for writing?

If I don't get the words and the stories out of me I get sick.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

People telling me they want to read more is always really motivating! I also get extremely chuffed if someone says they've had a similar idea to what I had or had read a character the same way- it's like knowing that someone else wants to see the story play out and I need to keep writing it.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I'm just a silly little guy who is also handsome and perfect (and humble).

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I work really hard on balance in writing, and I feel like I do a pretty good job with that one a strategic and tactical level. Things like allowing some time to breathe, and then having moments where things are chaos. Or the tone of a chapter- putting a little laughter in grief, or a some sadness in joy to enhance the flavor. :3

How do you feel about your own writing?

I'm so glad I started writing again, and I'm so glad I never gave in to the early desire to delete everything I didn't like. Mostly how I feel is that it's so much fun, and it's satisfying to write, and I feel like I'm learning on the go. I reread my stuff a lot because it's for *me* and I love it even with its flaws. I made that!

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

I write mostly for myself, although obviously like everyone else I also want everyone else to enjoy it (mostly in the sense that since I like it I think everyone else should too lol). But I realize that's not practical and that's okay too- like I said, I reread my own stuff and enjoy it so while I'm of course always looking for ways to collab or share with others it's really me following my heart.

Not tagging because I'm late to the game and I'm not sure who's already been asked or played. But as always an open tag to anyone who wants to play :3 tag me back so I can read your interview!

[wordsandrobots]

For the writer asks: 7, 27, 40! Thank you!

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

The same joy I get from any creative act: that of seeing something come into existence.

There's something incredible about taking an idea, fleshing it out and giving it a presence in the world. Be it writing, drawing, baking, building, whatever -- it's just wonderfully satisfying. I tend to do a lot of stuff in my head before I go to the keyboard (planning, scripting, feeling out the words) so it's always exciting to get to the point of actually doing. Because then it's there, on the page, more than just an image in my head.

And that's magic.

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

Heh.

When I was starting on my Iron-Blooded Orphans fan-fic spree (is it still a spree at this point?), I decided I needed a new villain, on account of the previous lower-level villains in the show meeting various ignoble fates and also because no one really filled the niche I was creating. I wanted someone who appeared nice, reasonable and even sympathetic on the surface (that is, showed sympathy to others) but who, not very deeply underneath, only ultimately cared about seeing their work completed.

(I explain this straight-up two chapters into them appearing in the story; it's not remotely a spoiler as I never intended to portray them *as* what they appeared to be on the surface.)

Additionally, I drew on ideas around assimilation and integration as a key part of their deal. They deliberately cultivated an 'acceptable' persona in the face of institutional elitism to get the power required to achieve their goals. There's a whole mass of reasons that plays on my mind generally (short version: I'm English) but I thought that, in context of this show, it would be an interesting thing to explore.

And you'd think they'd stress me out because I decided to make them non-binary and emphasise how deliberately appearing exactly androgynous was part a deeply performative and manipulative personality, as a means of stressing the way hierarchical organisations both allow space for people to game the system by playing into the signifiers of 'properness' and enforce those signifiers as the barrier to entry, and oh gods and muses I hope I haven't accidentally dropped into bad tropes about queer people, they can be bastards too, argh, argh, doubt, doubt, look they're not the only NB in my story, their gender isn't why they're like this I swear!

Except then I decided to write an entire fic from their point of view.

Writing close third person for a character whose view of the world is extremely cynical and selfish while also trying to convey to the reader that it is wrong is, when you do it for 10,000 words straight, rather exhausting! It's not just that they're a nasty piece of work. I *like* writing villains, especially the horrible ones; it's fun to show why the villainy makes sense from the other side. But *this* villain and this specific brand of 'I am always right, my goal is all that matters, anyone who disagrees is an idiot' was actively taxing to write.

Maybe it was the length, maybe it was the ways it struck closer to home in the middle of the giant robot fiction, maybe it was simply that their brand of betrayal and self-aggrandisement is ultimately kind of miserable. All I can say is, by the time I finished Of Obsessions and Erotemes, I was kind of burnt out. Constructing their headspace took a toll like nobody else I've ever written.

I'd do it all over again, obviously.

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

Argh, no, poetry, my one weakness!!!

OK, one of my weaknesses!!!

But in seriousness, me and poetry are ships in the night. I have known some lovely poets and been awed by their ability with words, but I've never really sought it out, so what I do know is mostly thunderingly obvious snatches of my ambient culture.

However, and though I suspect it's not entirely in the spirit of the question, for a poem about which I can say, this matters to me, Sassoon's The General sits somewhere near the heart of the great swell of anger I feel whenever we get to Poppy Fanaticism Season over here in Blighty. The fecklessness and callousness of our leaders during World War One has a through-line to the present that my own writing is likely always going to be in conversation with.

"Good-morning, good-morning!" the General said When we met him last week on our way to the line Now the soldiers he smiled at are most of 'em dead, And we're cursing his staff for incompetent swine. “He's a cheery old card,” grunted Harry to Jack As they slogged up to Arras with rifle and pack. But he did for them both by his plan of attack.

The General [Siegfried Sassoon]

For an ask game