#just let us be delusional. we've been called that for 15 years we're used to it

[clairenatural]

seeking out posts with opinions you know you won't agree with, to add long additions on why they're wrong, is widely seen as impolite and even combative on Tumblr. You're going to be met with hostility because people see it as a hostile act to begin with. similarly, it's considered rude to tag your hate of a ship or fandom content with the tag of that ship or content. Tumblr is structured to allow people to tailor their own communities and most people won't like you barging in going "actually, you're wrong." Most posts, unless actually specified, are not invitations for debate - building upon ideas, yes, and even asking questions is fine, but not "you are wrong." The culture is that we're doing our own thing over here, and you can stay over there, and coming into our spaces just to tell us we're wrong is rude. And embarrassing.

[lovekelletaylor]

Hi! My name's Quelle, and I'm unhealthy.

That was a big sentence for me. I mean, I've known I wasn't healthy for a long time but I've never just said it out loud before like that. I think I was letting myself be delusional because my blood works always been good, I'm not pre- anything (diabetic, hypertensive, anything like that). But last year I had a wake up call when it came back that I had non-alcoholic fatty liver disease and some cirrhosis on my liver.

That scared me pretty good and I gave up alcohol, which wasn't difficult because I was never much of a drinker. But I did have to face a very real addiction/dependence on energy drinks. So I gave up those too in the hopes that my liver would go back to normal.

My blood work came back about a month ago nearly clearing me of having liver disease so those were good steps to take!

Then I had to come to terms with how little I was exercising and generally moving around. I got a therapist to help with my ADHD and anxiety and his main recommendation was to find a supportive active community. So naturally I got into crossfit.

I LOVE crossfit. I feel accepted and welcomed every session and we're always doing something new or different. And believe me, I've felt pretty out of place and rejected at a lot of gyms so imagine how amazing and refreshing it is to go somewhere to sweat disgustingly and no one's judging you because they're equally dying from the workout.

Then after 2 months I hurt my back at said crossfit.

I've always had a pretty weak back and I'd slipped a disc pretty bad back in 2018. I had to go through PT and learn to live with part of my foot and leg always being slightly numb. This time around it was just a strained back muscle so it mainly needed to rest but a relaxer and prescription tylenol had to be ordered.

It's been a month of no crossfit so my back can get better and hopefully I can go back either this week or next week.

All this being said, I've always wanted to lose weight and get healthy on my own so I can prove to myself (and any other enemy I felt I had in the world) that I could do it. The topic of weightloss surgery has come up between my doctor and myself, by me, but I've always said no in the end and that I'll try something else first.

But now, I'm uncomfortable around my sister. She's lost weight by changing their diet due to my nephews numerous food allergies. They eat very healthy and are setting amazing examples of taking care of themselves for the boys.

I love my sister and we've never had the traditional relationship of sisters because there's a 15 year gap between us so there was no "need" for rivalry or fighting. I've also never been compared to her or vice versa.

Except now by my nephew, who very bluntly and in front of a lot of family members including my sister pointed out how Aunt Quelle is so much wider than Mommy is.

I don't know if my sister heard him cause she was wrangling my younger nephew but I just kind of said something to the affect of "yeah we all know" and went about helping with lunch. It kind of felt like a slap in the face cause if anything, I've always been told how much I look like my sister and now all I can think of is how much wider I am than her.

So, this is me. At this moment and in this time period. I'm unhealthy and I can't keep ignoring it because now it's more than just a number on the scale or size in clothes. Now it's how much I want to look like my sister again and be a better version of myself and not worry about other kids saying kid observations. Kinda shallow for a breaking point but everyone's different I think.

The first step is admitting you have a problem. So now I got nowhere to go but up.