#just imagine all the mind blowing music he would've made if he had more time

[littlefatrat]

I know you don't take requests and I have no money for a commission but I love your art and I'm curious if you'd ever draw Randy Rhoads. I know you drew Ozzy (Which was amazing by the way) and I'm just curious if you'd apply your amazingly beautiful skills to a drawing of Randy Rhoads.

Oooh yeah, I love Randy ♡♡♡

[hobisfavoritespritecan]

Dating Tyler Durden Would Include...

As requested by: @hyuugasmary

Just some headcannons for dating the world's most chaotic character!

⚠️ Warnings: mentions of death, sexual innuendos⚠️

Tyler Durden is a man who is very in-tune with his feelings. He doesn't deny himself the simpler pleasures of existence and knows where his priorities lie. Therefore, when he figured out he had the hots for you and realized your intellect was something he clicked with, he made you his.

Part of me thinks he was slightly forceful about it. If you had denied his request when he first popped the question, he would've done everything in his power to show you that he could be the person you needed. For example, if you're someone who cares more for physicality in a relationship, he would allow you to watch him kick ass in Fight Club. If you're someone who cares more for personality and intuition, he would focus more on showing you just how intelligent he could be. Either way, he has both looks and smarts so you'd be getting both in the end.

If you had said yes without any hesitation, he would've admired your eagerness and would show it back to you in abundance.

So now, how would you fit into your boyfriend's overarching hatred of the patriarchy and his plans for mass destruction? Simple. You would just be there to offer him support through his ideology and provide him with affection while he makes nitroglycerin. He loves your imagination and your intensity when it comes to arson and sex.

Fight Club is no different; you appreciate the way Lou's Tavern quickly becomes a safe haven for you and the boys, all of whom treat you with utmost respect. I mean, they have to considering the fact that you're their leader's love interest. They allow you to watch from outside of the circle to engage you in the activity, but will never allow you to fight since they know Tyler wouldn't allow a single scratch on your body....unless it came from him.

Tyler wants someone to be on his level of bad-assery. Sure, he wants to protect you and keep you safe but he lets you start any fight or argument just as long as he was right by your side to finish it for you. He wants someone with an internal flame and a passion for watching the world burn.

While you're staying with him on Paper Street in the early days of Project Mayhem, the Space Monkeys instantly refer to you as Second in Command. If you identify as female, you're usually met with "Mrs. Durden" whereas if you identify as a male or somewhere in between, you're met with "Mr. Durden #2."

Tyler lets you harass the newcomers on the porch saying that "you'd teach them a better lesson than I could since they'd be staring at you anyways." But still offers to beat anyone up if they glance at you in a suggestive way.

Nights with Tyler are spent hunched over pots of the latest soap mix; gagging at the smell of the liposuction bags as you pull them out from the fridge. Tyler plays his music which is something with a sharper edge to it since he is very much into the punk genre, but I also have a feeling he would also play a lot of Depeche Mode.

On the nights where he didn't desire to blow things up in the morning, he would stay with you in his room, wrapping you up in his arms and playing with your hair while you fell asleep. He would never be cold to you but he would spend a lot of time on his "homework assignments" and phoning in on the other clubs set up in different states. He would tell you what was on his mind as he thought of it, but the nights where he felt really comfortable, he would let his anxieties and insecurities show just a little bit more than usual since he trusts you not to judge him. Which you don't.

During the day, you would usually watch him in the basement of Lou's Tavern as he prepared for another club session later that evening. You would also tag along with him when he worked in the theatre while he spliced single frames of pornography into family films. You usually picked out the lewd images since the two of you would crack up when kids started to cry.

Bonus!

Patching up Tyler's wounds after an intense session of Fight Club, scolding him for going too hard and overexerting himself.

Wearing Tyler's infamous coffee mug printed robe in the mornings.

Dancing with Tyler to no music in corridors of fully populated buildings for absolutely no reason other than self amusement.

Calling your boyfriend Mr. Durden once on accident since it's all you heard on a daily basis and him laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes.

Both of you hating pet names but you call each other "babe." He will occasionally call you "love" but only in the bedroom or times where there's no one else around. It's not that he's embarrassed, he just likes the exclusivity.

Having him tell you about his scars while you trace over them on his bare skin, admiring every inch of the beautiful man before you.

One time you got into a fight with Angel Face (Jared Leto's character) and he pushed you. Tyler beat his face in so hard that the blonde had to use his $300 of personal burial money a bit sooner than he anticipated.

Tyler will teach his "life lessons" when you're around but he would never dream of putting you in danger. His near-life experiences are only for the times he knows you're sound asleep safe at home in his bedroom.

Tyler is just a little bit more cautious about how much trouble he really gets into, knowing that he can't die when he has you to come back to every night.

And last but not least...

Tyler wears your clothes. You saw how he dressed in the movie with his Goodwill attire? Yeah. He doesn't care much for fashion or practicality so he will 100% walk to his job as a banquet waiter in your cutoff pink shirt with a shrimp on it.

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting! I had a lot of fun with this one! >:)

💛🦐

[softsebnbuckystan]

Souls ties - Part 3 (Bucky Barnes au)

"I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met"

The sun had set a while ago and the band had been replaced by speakers, meaning the party was coming to an end, even though you still hadn't properly talked to Bucky. You  knew you probably should've payed more attention to your own husband but Darren seemed to enjoy himself more around his college friends. It would've driven you mad, had it been a regular party. Oddly enough, his behaviour that night didn't bother you as much as it should've. One might say your attention was elsewhere. It was late, and you were thirsty for water after all the champagne and hors-d'oeuvres you'd had. You were positive your rosy cheeks attested for it. At the bar, you took a minute for yourself and sat down, taking this occasion to relieve your feet from your high-heel shoes. The night's fresh air made the hair on your neck stand on end and your body's instinct was to shiver, even though the weather was still quite nice. Your body tensed up as you felt a presence at your side.

"Feeling a little tired there?" he asked. You were starting to know this voice now, and it was like music to your ears.

"I needed to be away from the crowd for a moment," you confessed.

"Oh, I can leave if you want."

This made you look at him instantly. "No, stay." You realised how pressing you must've sound and chuckled at his confused eyes – which had a beautiful shade of blue in the moonlight. "I mean...I didn't want to get away  from you, specifically. Sorry if it sounded that way."

"I'd get it, you know," Bucky said. "What happened earlier..."

"...was disturbing for us both, I assume."

Bucky didn't say anything about you interrupting him. It felt natural, actually, almost like finishing his sentence rather than rudely stopping him mid-speech.  "Yeah, exactly," he continued. "I'm really sorry if that caused you...any pain or something."

"What? The coffee?" you asked naïvely. "Don't worry, it wasn't that hot," you said with a wink.

A faint smile appeared on Bucky's lips, making you notice both how he hadn't smiled much until then and that it lightened up his face in a touching way.

"I meant pain as in fear, or anxiety. Your wedding mustn't be the place you expected to hear those words." He looked you in the eyes and you  shivered once more. "Are you cold?"

You shook your head no before looking down to your knees. His eyes on you were making you  feel all sorts of ways you wouldn't dream of sharing with anyone. "No, I'm not," you said. Taking a careful breath in, you decided to glance at him. Your eyes paused at the same time as your lungs, taken away by the beauty of the man's face. Something behind his blue iris was beyond description and drove you even more eager to get to know him, his story, his passions and pet-peeves, his everything. He'd seemed to have stopped breathing for a second as well, but you weren't entirely sure it hadn't been a figment of your imagination.

"Maybe we should go back to the others," you whispered. You tried getting off your stool and slipped next to your shoe. Bucky moved fast to grab you with his arm and prevent you from hitting the ground. His grip was firm –  exaggeratedly firm. You brushed off the sensation of his leather glove on your back and thanked him hastily before going back to Steve.

"Are you okay?" he asked, lowering his voice.

"Yeah, sure." You knew he wasn't fooled by your answer ; Steve knew you better than you knew yourself. Bucky stayed silent for a while after that, and neither of you seemed to fathom what to do next.

---

"Ready to go, honey?"

You opened surprised eyes at Darren's question. It was barely past midnight.

"Darren, we can't leave before the other guests, c'mon..."

Your husband looked disappointed and now that most of your shock had gone away, his attitude was slowly driving you mad, especially when you gave deeper thought to his actions and words throughout the day.

"Do you even want to be here at all?" you asked him, somewhat dryly.

"Calm down, y/n. We've been here forever and I wanna rest for the night. Is that too much to ask?"

"Resting on your wedding night? Yeah,  that's a lot to ask for," you replied. "I thought we were going to party until the end and have fun with our friends before going home. Consensual marriage is supposed to be celebrated, don't you know that? Ugh, you really are a buzzkill sometimes."

"Wow, easy there. If you want to stay,  fine. But I'm going home."

"Are you serious right now?" Your stomach was burning with anger and disappointment. You loved Darren, but this kind of behaviour had become a habit of his. "You're going to leave me alone at our wedding party?"

"You're not alone, you have Steve and Wanda and...whoever that guy is over there. Enjoy the rest of your night."

"Damn it, Darren, that's not fair!"

Wanda's eyes turning towards you made you realise how loud your voices had been and you lowered yours a notch.

"Fine, go home. But don't expect me to be all smiles when I join you, if I even do."

Upon those words, you turned around and walked away from him. You were perfectly aware that there was no point in reasoning with him at this point. You ended up going back to your group and were surprised to see that Steve and Wanda had walked away as well, leaving Bucky alone.

"Where are they  going?" you asked, still angry from what'd just happened.

"They're grabbing more drinks. Wanda said she'd choose something for you since you were...busy."

You brought your hand to your forehead, ashamed that he'd heard you losing your temper.

"Sorry about that. He's just...difficult, sometimes."

"I saw that," he said with his hands in his pockets, "and no need to be sorry." You could see him take a deep breath in before he kept talking, even  though he was trying hard to look as calm and composed as possible. "Come, let's take a walk. It'll help you blow off some steam."

You followed Bucky through the garden and as you drifted away from the crowd, hearing less and less voices, a soothing feeling filled your body and mind. You took deep breaths in and deep breaths out, taking in the bucolic smell of the close-by forest. The only thing left bothering you were your shoes, and you made the call to take them off, leaning on Bucky's shoulder without even thinking about it. He stopped to let you do it.

"Here, let me hold them." He gently grabbed your shoes by the heels and carried them for the way.

"Thank you." You took a peek at him and smiled. "How did you know a walk would calm me down?"

"I...I  just did," he answered with a shrug. "Did it work?"

"It's starting to." You smiled at him ingenuously, taking in some of his features at the same time. The slight crook of his nose, the rebellious hair on his neck...  A question was burning your lips. It was just the two of you, so you might as well just ask. "Did you ever give much thought to what your tattoo said?"

He didn't seem taken aback by your question. At least you didn't think he was, even though his emotions were hard to read.

"Not really. I just assumed someone would pay me a compliment out of the blue  and confuse the hell out of me." He chuckled for the first time since you'd met him and you got a feeling that didn't happen often. He stopped quickly, as would a kid caught red-handed. "You?"

"I had lots of scenarios in my head. Someone bumping into me, stepping on my feet or even running me over with a car...I mean, that sentence could've been said at many occasions, really."

"It's true, though I don't think saying 'shit, I'm sorry' would be an appropriate apology after running somebody over with a car."

You laughed at his remark and nodded in agreement.

"True. It is only an appropriate apology for spilling coffee all over someone," you teased.

You couldn't even hear the music the speakers were playing anymore, only the insects buzzing and leaves brushing against each other. As you walked, you got dangerously closer to Bucky. You knew what your body was doing, where your legs were taking you, but you had no idea why  they were doing it. You shouldn't have been standing so close to him, especially on your wedding night. Your hand accidentally brushed against his leather glove and he moved away. His movement wasn't big enough to call it an act of repulsion, but you also didn't know why exactly he didn't want to be close to you.

"I'm sorry," you said. "I just..."

"...want to be close. I know." He sighed and stopped walking. "It's a weird feeling and I didn't think you...I thought you weren't feeling it."

"What? The feeling that draws me to you and that I can't control? Of course I feel that. I've...I've met you hours ago, and yet..."

"You feel a connection that dates to much longer than that," he finished.

"Exactly. I couldn't really put words on it but...yeah. That's what it feels like."

"I'm sorry," he said. "Steve wanted me to come here for some reason and I..."

"Don't say you shouldn't have come, please."

He looked back at you and saw you'd been staring at your feet saying that sentence. His face changed in an instant.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. Not at all, actually... If I hadn't been there tonight, you might have actually enjoyed your wedding."

"I did enjoy it," you replied in a hurry. "Just not the way I imagined." You stared into his eyes,  trying to understand what he was feeling in this very moment. "We'll see each other again, right?"

"That might not be a good idea, as much as I would want to."

"But...as my sister always tells me, soulmates don't have to be romantic. I can be happily married and still get to know you....can I?"

He tightened his lips, thinking about his answer. His face gave you no clue as to what he truly wanted, but the answer he gave you might have been an indication.

"You can try. I can try."

---

Part 3 is where I chose to start the fluff haha! I hope you enjoyed this part. It felt quite cute writing it, so I hope the final result is :)

tag list:

@ginger-swag-rapunzel

[chronicallylatetotheparty]

Fractured Foundation: Chat Blanc

Summary: Since his own akumatization Chat Noir has been the perfect partner. Never questioning, never distracting, never asking for anything at all...

So, why wasn't it enough?

Ch.1 Double Standards

Chat Noir does everything right... But Adrien is still wrong.

---------------

Ladybugs swirled around him as Chat Noir came back to himself. Scanning his surroundings Chat Noir saw Ladybug helping who he assumed was a de-akumatized Backwarder.

Oh. It was over. The last thing he remembered was-

"Sorry about this Chat Noir."

... A push from behind. His heart spiking in fear. Backwarder's clock hand striking his chest.

"Chat?"

Looking up, Chat Noir held up his fist from touching the spot he was hit. He smiled at her "Bien joue, Ladybug."

"...Yeah. Bien joue." She bumped his fist and shook her head. "I need to go. Bug out!"

Vaulting over Paris, Chat Noir realized he never found out why the old lady was akumatized. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Ladybug won...

Adrien came out of the train's bathroom just as Gabriel did the same. Stiffening at the sight of his father, Adrien gave a slight nod and hurried to his seat. Heartbeat pounding far faster than when he was fighting Backwarder.

Kagami glanced at Adrien and he smiled reassuringly before putting his headphones in. At least he wouldn't have to sit through another lecture from Master Fu this time. Seeing as he'd be in London for the weekend.

Adrien would be in London for the weekend. No Fu, no Papillon, no Chat Noir. The thought made him feel... lighter. Taking his headphones out he turned to Kagami. "Is this your first time going to London?"

"No. Mother has taken me on several other business trips to familiarize myself with the company holdings." Kagami refocused her attention on Adrien. "But I can't say I've been sightseeing."

"Really? What do you want to see first?" Adrien fell into the ease of speaking with Kagami. Let himself enjoy this small moment of normalcy compared to the glorious disillusion of the akuma battle. Leaving Backwarder and Paris behind as the train accelerated.

----------------

Chat Noir soared over the rooftops. Grinning as the wind blew through his hair. For the first time in... he didn't know how long his heart raced with joy after a battle. He was useful! Sure he had to sacrifice himself so Ladybug could beat Gamer 2.0 but still!

Landing with a flip onto the designated rooftop he waited for Master Fu to show. Just like he did after (almost) every akuma attack. Except this time Chat Noir wasn't dreading it. This time-

The door opened as Master Fu stepped out.

"Master! Did you see... What's wrong?"

Master Fu held a stern expression. "Why did you not talk to Ladybug about what you intended?"

Chat's ears drooped as he pulled in on himself, enthusiasm forgotten. "Wh-what?"

"You sacrificed yourself without speaking to her first!" Master Fu sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ladybug might have come up with an alternative."

"But... I..."

"At the very least you should have let her know before you act."

You didn't tell her that when she shoved me onto Backwarder's sword.

Adrien flinched. "... Okay... I'll... tell her next time."

Even though she never tells me.

Satisfied, Master Fu's gaze softened. "You must be mindful of Ladybug's feelings." With that he turned back towards the door. Pausing at the threshold, he glanced back. "It was wise to give Ladybug the last fight."

"..."

Chat Noir dashed across rooftops. Blinking rapidly as the wind blew into his eyes. For a moment he forgot. He forgot that Chat Noir was always wrong. That Adrien didn't get what everyone else did. He wasn't like everyone else. What they did mattered.

... Nothing Adrien ever did mattered. The universe was simply issuing a reminder.

---------------

Adrien didn't want to be at fencing practice today. He'd fantasized about taking Kagami to Kitty Section's rehearsal with the rest of his friends instead... But if his meetings with the Guardian had a theme it was listening to his... betters.

As though the universe could hear him the akuma alert went off just as he finished changing into his fencing gear. Making sure the rest of his teammates were gone, Adrien transformed and leapt out the window. Hoping Kagami wouldn't be too bored without him.

Quickly going over what information there was on 'Desperada' Chat Noir realized she was last seen at the Couffaine's houseboat. He ran faster.

A pang of longing came over him as Adrien remembered how tempting it'd been to skip practice and join his friends. But that meant disobeying. And disobeying never brought Adrien anything. Not with Father, not with his teachers, not with the Guardian.

Leaping across buildings a cyan blur knocked him five stories to the ground. Rolling with the blow Chat Noir readied his staff. The cyan blur was a lyre that came back to the hand that threw it.

A guy in a vaguely snake-like suit with cyan colored hair. "Sorry, Chat Noir. You would've gotten caught if I hadn't done anything."

To prove his point Desperada appeared and started shooting yellow blasts of magic. Chat Noir spun his staff as he ran for cover. Ladybug's yo-yo wrapped around him and pulled him into the alley. "Good, you're here. Chat, this is Viperion."

"Hello again, Chat Noir." Viperion smiled gently.

"... Hey."

"So what's the plan?" Ladybug asked the new guy.

Chat Noir stared. Ladybug never asked someone else to make the plan.

"Okay, first we need your Lucky Charm..."

In the end it was very simple. Chat Noir and Ladybug dodged Desperada's attacks long enough for Viperion to distract her with music from his lyre. Then Ladybug used the saddle her Lucky Charm gave her to restrict Desperada's movements. All three pulling the villain in different directions while Viperion threw his lyre at her guitar case, breaking it.

There was an extra 'Bien Joue' in their fist bump and then Chat Noir was running back to fencing practice.

...He'd done nothing. Viperion did all the work. And apparently he was so good at it he didn't even need to use his power. Or... was knowing what was going to happen his ability? Is that why Ladybug let him plan?

...Maybe he was reading too much into it. 'Bien joue' felt hollow all the time now. Just because it felt particularly empty this time didn't mean there was a reason besides his own selfish desire to be useful.

Back inside the locker room Adrien detransformed.

The door banged open. Adrien flinched.

"What is the meaning of this transgression, Agreste!?" M. D'Argencourt demanded.

Heart pounding, Adrien fumbled over his words. "I-I can explain!"

"I should hope so! I will have to inform M. Agreste of this behavior." M. D'Argencourt informed him.

Blood drained from Adrien's face. "NO! Please M. D'Argencourt, don't tell Father!"

Eyes softening, M. D'Argencourt shook his head. "I am sorry, Adrien. A student disappearing under my guard and I knowing not where he vanished to? I cannot overlook this."

Cold. Adrien was cold and his mouth moved without words. He collapsed onto the bench behind him. Heart hammering in his ears as he imagined what Gabriel would do...

---------------

Startrain rocketed into space, Nadja Chamack reporting over the image of the akumatized train. For a moment Adrien merely stood there...

"Hey, kid." Plagg pointed at the container of transformation cheese. "We gotta go help."

"R-right!" Coming out of his head Adrien tossed the purple, potion-infused cheese into the air. "Plagg, powerup!"

Swallowing it in a single bite Plagg glowed as the potion took effect. "Astro Plagg!" Small, glowing wings appeared on his back and his fur was coated with small star-like points.

Opening his mouth to say the phrase Adrien... His throat closed... the words wouldn't come... They wouldn't-

Plagg placed a paw on Adrien's cheek. "C'mon kid, your friends need us."

Friends. His friends were on that train! Finding his voice Adrien set his shoulders. "Astro Plagg, transforme-moi!"

Flying was unlike anything he ever experienced. And Astro Chat was flying faster than anyone had ever gone! Sky darkening as he rose above the atmosphere. Startrain had a head start he needed-

Sunlight lit up the Earth, cloud cover obscuring far more of its surface than was usually shown in photos. It was so blue... so beautiful. Adrien remembered what astronauts said about looking at the Earth from above.

He'd heard. But he hadn't known.

Turning back towards the void Astro Chat zoomed after Startrain. It was already past the moon. The moon which Adrien saw as only a handful of people ever did.

There!

Startrain was slowing down? That made it easier to catch up! Astro Chat's heart raced with excitement, willing his wings to go faster. He was almost there! Just a little more and-

A great, glowing, green portal burst to life directly in Startrain's path. Chat caught a glimpse of Big Ben on the other side and then the train sped through. Portal closing behind it.

Leaving Adrien in the void. Of course. Of course Ladybug already beat the akuma. And if that portal was any indication she had help. He wasn't needed. Wasn't necessary.

His friends were on that train and he couldn't. Do! ANYTHING! He couldn't breathe. Couldn't breathe! Everything was too big and too small! Infinity stretched forever in all directions and he was stuck inside this helmet! He wanted out! Wanted-

No. Focus.

As suddenly as his breath left him it came back. Adrien gasped and forced himself to breathe slowly... He couldn't stay here. There was nothing here.

Slowly, reluctantly, Adrien made his way back to Earth. Oh. Oh. He'd gone farther than he thought. Earth was a speck in the distance.

"A mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."

Tiny. Insignificant. Precious. An oasis in a desert. The closer you are to something the uglier it looks. Adrien kicked the thought away. It was small and meaningless. If you looked too closely at anything you failed to see the whole picture.

Adrien wondered what the whole of his picture, his world, looked like...

[paintmearainbow]

What Is Love ?

Love.

Love means different things to different people. Some people say love is making your partner happy and seeing them happy makes you happy . But love, is actually a figment of our imaginations. In a way, love is selfish and makes us lose our independence. You make the other person happy to keep yourself happy, and you become dependent and vulnerable. It's a somewhat like a shared dream. And until one person decides to wakeup, and that dream, albeit fun while it lasted, becomes a living nightmare

1 YEAR AGO

For Harry and y/n; sneaking out of premiers and award shows,buying tacos and eating them at 3 AM was love. For them, love was dancing in the kitchen to Elvis and baking with each other. Love was watching horror movies in makeshift tents, snacking on caramel popcorns and cans of soda; all while making fun of Harry's "those dumb bitches" in the movie. Love was falling asleep in each others arms and reading each other books. It was dressing up as Disney characters and acting out scenes from their favourite animations. It was etheral, perfect. Almost too perfect too be true

People always said "Love will fizzle out. One of you will get bored." Harry and y/n didn't listen. They burned so fast, so bright and didn't realise that their spark too, like all blazed and sparks from lighted matches, had extinguished. One second it was burning so brightly, and the next, it was gone

..............................................................................................

"When was the last time you spoke to him ?" asked y/n's sister.

" A week ago" a distraught y/n replied. "He barely has time to even talk to me on the phone, let alone show me the sights and explore the places with him via facetime"

For a brief moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes and all the memories flashed through her eyes, like a movie roll, playing over and over agai

FLASHBACK

"Y/N !" exclaimed Harry, the golden flecks in his eyes dancing with joy. Oh how she longed to see him, feel him and be with him in real life , rather than on a screen. Yet she was eternally grateful for Harry for never making her feel left out from the tour experience, he always made sure to show her around, even if it was only on a screen, while giving tour guide commentary in a horribly fake American accent.

"You're in for a treat ! We're going to see the Louvre today. Come on an enjoy the sited with Harry's Tour Experiences"

Y/n couldn't stop laughing.

Being an art fanatic, she giving Harry detailed descriptions of the art, while all he did was turn it inti a joke. His put on accent stood out when he kept saying " Oh shucks ! Here's another painting of a few women and men fighting and eating." He termed an entire style of art; renaissance art as "men and women barely dressed fighting and eating". He made a few sly comments on how y/n would look lovely in that dress. It was so wonderful and each of these virtual trips was marked with his signature end. Going to a park, and eating the same food.

His laughter was contagious and y/n loved it. She wondered how she got so lucky, so blessed to have hazza in her life.

She never thought that this love, would eventually fizzle.

end of flashback

Now she was lucky if he spoke to her for 5 minutes. Even those 5 minutes were filled with her talking and him showing least interest in what she had to say. She doubted whether he even listened.

Today, however was a low blow. It was y/n' bday. had it been any other year. Harry would've made this day perfect. They had been together since they were 18. The first year, he bought her 18 gifts on her birthday. The subsequent year, he got her 19 and so on. He would make her breakfast in bed and wake her up with showers of kisses and a "Good Morning, Happy Birthday Darling."

Today however, at 7 PM , she was yet to have him acknowledge that it was her birthday. She was yet to have any sign of news from him at all. She illusioned herself, thinking that maybe he had interviews to attend.

Her sister, however, tired with y/n's moping, said" You're coming over with your friends to Club 22 this night or else I wont speak to you. I don't want you to spend your birthday moping around"

With great difficulty, y/n was persuaded by her friends to go clubbing. The loud music, the drinks and the dim lights were never y/n's scene. Yet, for the sake of her friends, she fixed up a smile on her face and tried to enjoy, trying her best to forget than Harry's call still hadn't come.

.......

It was 10 PM and the party was in full swing. y/n's friends were drunk, so drunk. Everyone around her was laughing, drinking and joking. Meanwhile, a new disturbing thought had settled in y/n's head. What if he got into and accident ? What if he's really sick ? She was ridden with anxiety and couldn't get Harry off her mind, until that one fateful message from Nezza, her best friend, Harry's PA, through whom they had met, sent her that message. When y/n's phone lit up and she scarmbled to see the text, hoping it was Harry, she did not know it would change her life permanently.

The text was simple. "I'm so so sorry honey; you deserve to know" It was attached with a single file of pictures.

She subconciously knew what had happened. She had seen all the signs, yet chose to ignore them, not wanting to get up from her dream. The reduced duration of phone calls ultimately leading up to a call a month, the regular excuses, coming home late, half hearted kisses, they all added up. For a split second, y/n wanted to think that it was something else; maybe harry was too drunk or had passed out in a bar.

The message to forever to download. It was so slow and painfully excruciating. It was like the calm before the storm. The slow before the fast. The light drizzle before the thunderstorm. When the picture finally loaded; her heart shattered ever so fast. The pain she felt was numbing, yet somewhere in her mind, she was gald that Harry was safe.

There was Harry, his arm around the small waist of the redhead, his fingers entwined in hers. The same fingers which ran through y/n's hair multiple times, were now woven in another's hand. She thought her heart couldnt break more.

Fate was not kind to y/n.

She swiped to see the next picture, and she wasn't sure how, or whether it was even possible, but her heart further broke. Harry was kissing her in the booth, their booth, in Alessandro's the place he had her first date with y/n.

Fate had evil plans for y/n.

Tears streaming down her face, the makeup for the night ruined, y/n looked around for her sister and friends but they were nowhere to be seen. The only thing glowing right now was her glitzy dress, the one she had been forced into. Unable to take it anymore, she ordered an uber and left.

Fate wasn't kind to y/n at all

The minute she left the club, she was blinded with lights, the flashes from the camera, and the shouts from the reporters

" How do you feel about Harry cheating on you on tour ?"

"Did you expect this ? How do you react to Harry kissing a supermodel, younger than you!"

Y/n wanted to scream, but keeping her emotions in she pushed through the sea of people, got into her uber, gave her address and broke down.

She cried and cried. The uber driver tried to ask her what was wrong but she couldn't stop crying. she wanted the pain to go away. she wanted to cry. But most of all, she wanted Harry to tell her that it wasn't true and hold her in his arms and tell her it's alright.

But it wasn't. it wasn't alright. Far from it.

The next morning after an extremly broken sleep, y/n awoke. All the event's from last night wre remembered and her eyes started to water again. She switched on her phone to see the hashtag #y/ndeservesbetter and #harryandy/nareover trending. She also so 100 missed calls, voicemails and texts from Harry but chose to ignore them.

Y/n was raised to be strong. She spent most of childhood see her mom struggle to make meets end. She had seen the worst. She was strong. She went over to the mirror and saw her reflection and realised that she looked a mess. She took 3 deep breaths, washed her face, and masked her emotions, just as she did way back in high school, before she met Harry, before he changed her.

She went down and suddenly the apartment door opened. There stood the man who she loved, the man who had broken her heart, the one who still held her heart, no matter how broken it was.

He pleaded with her to forgive him. He begged, cried, said it was a one time mistake, and he regretted it, that he loved her; but y/n turned a deaf ear to his pleas. Their love had fizzled out, and she was blinded by affection not to realise it earlier. And as the saying goes " Once a cheater, always a cheater." Y/n wasn't taking any more risks. She put on a strong facade, made up her mind and left, leaving a crying Harry on the porch.

She wasn't over him, far from it. She was so broken, yet showed no signs. She had calm expresssion, yet her thoughts were chaotic. But she knew what was best and she knew this was the right thing to do. She had to take the lessons from this experience and move on, just like her mother had taught her. Dreams end, no matter how amazing it is, no matter how much you want to hold on and live it, and this, her perfect dream, had also come to an end.

So, what is love ?

A dream ? A nightmare ? Soemthing too good to be true?

Maybe all it is, is an illusion. A fairytale. Or maybe it is the truth, because truth teaches us lessons and so does love. i guess it's one of those things which just has no answers.

author's note

AND THATS A WRAP. I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING. it's something which definitely shouldnt be forgive . this the first ever imagine I've posted on my new tumblr. Please send feedback. Hope you enjoyed it. Reblog. What are your thoughts? i would love to hear them. Send requests for more imagines.

i should be studying but eh.

keep dreaming

ashu.

(here's a random B99 gif for no reason)

[minghaoss-archive]

4 o'clock • Johnny Suh(m)

warnings : mentions of depression, suicide, self harm, smut.

summary : Johnny's saved you quite a few times, with that smile of his, with that goofy laugh of his, he's your sitting mate, he's your note collector, he's your friend, he's the fashion major who's gotten your lousy dark outfits together for stupid parties, he's your saviour, Johnny saves you-truly in every meaning-because one night, he saves your life too.

You seep into your bed, your body felt like it had the weight of a bag of bricks, you were anchored to your sheets, sweat glossing over your body. Why did depression had to be like this? Will you ever be happy? You were so tired of this feeling, this never ending cycle where you'd always end up being unhappy. Maybe tonight's the night, you decide, tonight's the night you'd stop being this damn sad. You had that dream again, where you're afloat, all alone and you're trying to drown but you don't run out of breath. Dreams have a weird way of terrorizing one's peace of mind. You felt unlovable in your skin, fingers grazing up against the half healed slits on your wrists from so many times before,you've been in this situation so many times before.

Did you really have to recollect the horrendous mistakes you made in middle school? Couldn't you forgive yourself? Did you really have to read all of the things you were told online? It's been years. You're an adult hung up on something that has passed so long ago. Bullying- is a really heavy word-one of your friends said to you once, this is how kids behave she'd told you. So it looked more reasonable to blame yourself instead. It was your fault you were hurt, it was a voice in your head who'd hurt you, not anyone else's. The problem is rooted from you, so you conclude that it's best if you remove it.

A noise that goes unregistered by you hauls you out of your ruminations. Your phone rings, vibrating on the bedside table, you feel like your head's underwater, the buzzing of your phone pushing you to grab onto it, the orange glow of the screen reading, Johnny. You smile at the name, you love him, from the first day he'd cracked some lame joke, from the day you'd seen his eyes light up when he'd talk about 50's fashion, Johnny's saved you quite a few times, be it from angry professors or loud parties, he was your drunken nights' caretaker, your savior and perhaps, your only friend, the person who'd make you genuinely happy, with him, you could forget that you were suffering from an eon long depression. With him, you could believe in love. You wished to tell him how much you liked him but unfortunately, he'd never know. He'd never hear your voice after this call.

You pick up the phone, "Hey, how's my favorite dwarf?" He breathes, you can hear him smile, you think about all the nights you'd spent together in your apartment, with rented movies and stolen hawaiian pizza from the job you'd taken at a pizza parlor because it was his favorite, you'd remembered how Johnny designed you a beautiful shirt on your birthday. You thought about how much you're going to miss Johnny, and how much he's going to miss you. It's not fair-taking away his friend like that- you can picture him finding out you've killed yourself, shocked at the paleness of you, wondering what he missed-how he could've saved you. It isn't fair to him, you think, but then again, nothing is ever fair. You were a burden to him, taking up his love, his time, and you needed to go. You bite your lip to mask the sound of you crying as tears well up in your eyes, your vision blurring.

"y/n?" He calls, his voice coated with genuine concern, you choke out uncontrollably, and by now, Johnny can tell you're crying. "hey, what's wrong? What is it? Where are you? I'm coming over with your favorite chocolate chip cookies, that's why I called, tell me when I get there if you don't want to now, what's wrong? What happened?" He bombards you with questions, "Goodbye, Johnny, I-I love you." You croak, hearing him shuffle with car keys.

You had to be fast, you think, so you hang up before the honey sweet tone of Johnny Suh's voice makes you retreat from your pursuit.

It'll take Johnny a solid 15 minutes to get your place, so you take your sweet time. Bleeding to death is a bit too messy, you think, ideas filling up your heavy head when you watch your bathtub. You put on a black dress, color your lips a rosy red, as you fill your bathtub up, put on Perry Como's 'Killing Me Softly', you dance to yourself, eyes shut close as tears kiss your face, you watch the blue sky getting splattered on with dark ink of black black clouds-goodbye, world, you think.

Strumming my pain with her fingers, singing my life with her words.

Your toes curl at the coolness of the icy water of the bathtub, as you unlocked the door to your apartment, making sure Johnny has no trouble in finding you in your lifeless body, you lay down, slightly afloat, like you were in your dream and you try to drown just like, how you did in your dream, pressing your body to the bottom of the tub, you hear a faint call of your name, the loud sound of a door being pushed open, you're drowning, just like you dreamt except now, you really do lose breath, your vision blurs,

Killing me softly with her song, killing me softly with her song.

It happens so fast, you have a flash of what being a child was like, the faint memory of your mother's soft smile, I'm sorry, mom, for breaking your heart, you think, the voices in your head dying out with you.

.....

Your eyes shoot open and you cough out a fistful of water, your wet body plastered to the bathroom floor. Johnny's looking down at you, with his eyes reddened, he sighs, his arched cupid's bow resigning into an expressionless purse. He pushes himself away from your body, his back pressed up against one of the bathroom walls. You turn your head to him, words disappearing at the back of your throat, guilt rushing over, as you look at Johnny, his soft brown glistening, the happiness in them seized as he looks back at you.

"I thought you died," he croaks, and you sob, you sob and sob, your heart out, Johnny picks you up, and cradles you to his chest.

You hold him close, you're alive, you feel alive, he makes you want to be alive, with the rapid beat of his heart, a heart that's wrapped around yours. You're both pouring each other's emotions into one another, you feel the ache in your body dying away. "I love you." He says, kissing your forehead, you're not sure how he means it, but you don't question it. He's always been your savior. He's always saved you and tonight, he's saved your life.

........

Johnny looks over to you in the passenger seat, you're in one of his shirts that he'd left when he was going over to your place for a movie night.

He'd decided that he couldn't trust you with yourself, and brought you out, bought you your favorite dark chocolate frappe, and frozen yogurt. He plays Daniel Caesar's 'Get You', as he taps the steering wheel, humming to himself.

He's driving you to his place in silence, the apartment a foreign one as you've never been there before. "Johnny," he hums, his eyes widening at the one thing you've said since after he's found you.

"Sing to me." You say, placing your palms against his thigh, Johnny watches you smile at him, and he feels like his heart might beat out of his ribcage, he's really the reason behind your smile, he can hardly believe it. "I will,when we get home, sweetheart." You melt into the seat, with the nickname on his tongue dissolving like butter on a hot pan, he mirrors you, grinning so wide that he fears his face might hurt.

....

Johnny's apartment is arranged, a little too arranged and prim- perfect in monochrome colors, except that wall of his where he's painted a picture of a drying river, there's the smell of cologne and something sweet like almond in his apartment, Johnny still has Daniel Caesar's entire Freudian album booming through his speakers, you drink in the whole apartment, you've never seen this side of him, the most unfamiliar thing in his room being a grand piano, record labels of different bands, and Johnny's fashion magazines, a framed cloth on which he's designing a white dress,you assume for his class project or something.

A pleasing smell of delicious pasta wafts the air, Johnny hums along to the music as he cooks, you watch him sway his hips, holding a spatula up for a mic as you lean on to the doorway of his kitchen, you smile at him, snorting when he hits the imaginary notes with the beats of his feet. Johnny turns to you and grins, "I'm almost done." He says, urging you to go into the living room. That's where his table sits.

You're at the loss of appetite, feeling yourself full from the frappe, you never imagined the after blow of your survival would be so sweet, that Johnny reciprocate your love for him, you whine when he comes to the table with the meal.

He stabs the pretty looking penne with his fork, nearing you as if he were to feed you, "I'm not hungry. You eat." You giggle when he furrows his eyebrows together in false anger.

When he doesn't relent, you bite into the spoonful of pasta, sighing and melting into his cooking. "Delicious right?" He asks, beaming as he gets to feeding you and himself.

After dinner, Johnny reaches a hand out for you, "A dance?" You nod vehemently, your much smaller frame pressed into his enormous one as he rests his palm against the small of your back, your arms around his neck. You feel your heart beat and so does he.

Thank you for saving my life. The song plays in the background, you press your cheek to Johnny's chest, he shares your rapid heart beats, you wonder what would've happened if you really drowned, who would dance with you tonight? Who would take care of you? You're thankful as the tenderness of Johnny's body pressed to yours spread all over your body, you want to tell him that you can feel him in your rushing blood, your love for him coursing through your veins like adernaline, the scent of his rain and almond milk self paralyzes you to your core but Johnny speaks up first. "I owe you a song." He says, plopping down in front of his piano as you sit above your weight supported by your feet, he plays your favorite, La Vien En Rose, he sings, his fingers dancing over the keys of the piano deftly, you watch him, in his white shirt, his broad shoulders dancing along to the rhythm of his piece. You watch his rosy mouth move to the words he utters. He has a weird way of pacifying you, when he opens his mouth to utter a lyric, you get to your feet, hold Johnny's face in your hands and kiss him- he's stopped in his speech, half lyric

Your gut feels like a hundred butterflies have exploded in it when he kisses you back, he stands, much taller than you, his arms pulling you close to him as he grins at you, you back away a little when he leans in in reflex, "Let me kiss you properly,dummie," you giggle, and let Johnny cradle your face before he kisses you. His mouth tastes of cherry wine, his tongue licking into your mouth, drinking you whole. Your palms rest on his stomach as your feet back up and you end up clanking the piano keys with a clink.

Johnny holds you by your hips, sitting you atop of the instrument as he slots in between your legs, when you rattle with his belt, attempting to pull it off, he pulls away from you, catching his breath as his forehead presses up against yours. "We could do something else. Are you sure you're okay? Do you really want this?-"

You cut him off with a kiss, now that you've had a taste of having him, you can't stop till he's yours entirely. "Johnny, I want this. I want you." He groans at your response, grabbing your thighs and wrapping them around your waist as he carries you to his bedroom.

Johnny strips you, little by little, kissing your shoulder, your scars, his fingers consuming every bit of you, carving you newly like a precious clay piece. You reach over his collar and bring your mouth to his, Johnny takes this as a sign to take his shirt off, holding your ankles to his shoulders, "Fuck," he swears, when he slips into you. Your nails dig into his back as his name falls off of your lips like a mellifluous song. His thrusts are are soft, his hands all over you, as if he were scared to let go. You can feel him in your stomach, full to the brim. You feel him twitch, every bend of you intermingled in him. "You're so beautiful," he tells you in between moans, and for the first time, you really believe it.

In the narrow sliver of moonlight reaching his face, you can tell that Johnny's cheeks are tainted a cherry pink, he sighs out your name, your high chasing the pace of his thrusts, as you clench around him, you drive him to reach his climax.

Johnny slows down his pace, his bottom lip drawn into his mouth, when you whimper his name, he feels like that must be the end of it, but when he's met with the beautiful sight of your brows scrunched up in oversensitivity, he lets loose, pumping his cum into your core, "I love you," he says, only to hear you repeat it.

That's the night you go to bed with Johnny, sleep invading your body from the after effect of your late night activity.

That night you dream of drowning again, except you're learning to swim, and you dream of the drying river which was painted on Johnny's wall. You dream of Johnny, pulling the anchor out of your spine and hauling you out of bed.

When you're awake in the middle of the night, the dry feeling of being afraid is absent, Johnny, in his sleep, pulls you to him with one of his hands, his arms wrapped securely around your waist. Your back is pressed up against his front and you smile to yourself.

Johnny's saved you a million times and each time, you'd let him.

[gutterballgt]

So this has been on my mind for days so I had to share. What if Chuck and Herc had been at the Academy for whatever reason when Knifehead hit? Do you think they would have gone to see Raleigh, since Herc is a fellow Ranger? How do you think little Chuck felt watching his favorite non-relative Rangers fall like that? Do you think Chuck demanded Herc take him to see Raleigh? And if he did, do you think they would've walked in on Raleigh screaming for Yancy?

*rubs hands together*

This is a top-shelf ask, and it’s gonna get the royal treatment. Because I, too, have wondered, and I’ve even been tempted to write about it.

So, to start: “What if Chuck and Herc had been at the Academy for whatever reason when Knifehead hit?”

I think it’s a general fandom consensus that Chuck idolized the Becket brothers during their glory years. I mean, he borderline hated his father (never; he never ever hated Herc for one second, no matter how bitter and angry he was), he was already beyond determined to become a jaeger pilot and get revenge for all the things… and here are these two young, stalwart, unpredictable but HIGHLY EFFECTIVE blokes who are killing kaiju left and right and making all the headlines.

It doesn’t hurt that they’re also pretty to look at. But that’s beside the point.

Young Chuck, too angry and hurt to look up to his own father (we’ll not talk about Scott because that’s a whole ‘nother bag of snakes to lay straight), would’ve been very likely to grasp onto these kids – because Raleigh really was just a kid when they joined the program – who were everything he wanted to be, saving the world and shit. I can’t imagine him NOT idolizing them, frankly.

So maybe he pestered Herc – who had NO idea what to do with his prickly, ball-of-rage-and-gall son he’d saved in a moment’s blind panic when he realized he couldn’t save both of them and Angela would kill him if he’d saved her and left Chuck to die – to take him to the Academy. Not to meet the Beckets, of course not, why would he want to meet those stupid American wankers? But to get a feel for the Academy itself, since he was by-God going there himself as soon as they quit with the bullshit age restrictions and accepted him.

And Herc, guilty and lost and with nothing but the war and his already-dodgy brother and his small, angry, standoffish son who never wanted ANYTHING because he was always so angry… made it happen. Maybe it would lessen some of that anger. Maybe… they could get past it if they could just spend some time together. Fun time, not shatterdome time.

Now: “Do you think they would have gone to see Raleigh, since Herc is a fellow Ranger?”

Oh, my, yes. That would’ve been #1 on the list for Chuck, though he would never have admitted it. Young Chuck would have put it as an after-thought, an “Oi, while we’re here, can I maybe meet that youngest pilot bloke and tell him not to rest on his laurels because I’MA be the youngest pilot any day now?”

And Herc, likely hoping the Beckets’ easy-going manner and friendly smiles would coax back some of the brilliant, happy little boy he’d lost back in Australia, set that shit up like it was nothing.

Then: “How do you think little Chuck felt watching his favorite non-relative Rangers fall like that?”

Okay, Satan. YOU ASKED FOR IT.

Because even so young, Chuck was no stranger to the concept of mortality. Sure, the jaeger program had, up to this point, been a resounding success. That doesn’t mean he’d missed how badly we’d fared against them before the giant robots. How much of our own planet we’d poisoned fighting them off with nukes because… what else could we do?

He was a bright kid. Too bright to NOT know what was happening.

So even though the jaegers hadn’t started falling in earnest yet, he knew there was a distinct possibility of it happening sometime.

But not the Beckets. Not those shining examples of youth and ingenuity overpowering brute strength and terror. Not now. Not YET. Not when he was supposed to meet them TOMORROW, dammit.

They… they were… humanity was WINNING. How could it have gone so wrong?

Herc, of course, got immediately sucked into a strategy meeting because, even then, Stacker Pentecost knew who he did and didn’t trust. Chuck was worried because Herc had made mutterings about how stupid it was to call what happened “disobeying orders” because you don’t bloody get to argue an impossible order when a goddamn kaiju pops up in your bloody face, and it sounded like… maybe the younger Becket was in trouble.

BIG trouble. Get-kicked-out trouble.

If he lived, which wasn’t expected. Because everyone knows that when your Drift partner dies, so do you.

It wasn’t his mother dying all over again. He’d never met the kid, after all. But… he had a Becket brothers poster on his wall in his bunk, and one of those brothers was already gone, and the other one was in critical condition and rumored to be more than half out of his mind in the med bay (understandable, considering how much of him must’ve been yanked out with his brother’s body), and apparently going to be kicked out in disgrace if he DID live, and….

For a while, young Chuck couldn’t do anything but sit on the edge of his bunk and, well… not cry, exactly. Again, it wasn’t grief. It was… a loss. A loss of hope. A blow to his dream of being the youngest jaeger pilot and kicking kaiju ass and saving the world.

He’d always wanted to be Raleigh Becket. Now, Raleigh Becket was damn near a vegetable and might not live out the week.

So: “Do you think Chuck demanded Herc take him to see Raleigh?”

HELL NO. Are you kidding? The little bastard snuck away when Herc was off in yet another meeting about what to do now that the world knew the jaegers might not be enough anymore.

He just needed to KNOW, okay? Maybe… it wasn’t all over before he ever got a chance to prove himself. Maybe… Becket could still be okay. Maybe… and he was rather proud of this one… maybe he could actually be of comfort. Maybe they could be friends.

Hell, if he played his cards right, they might even end up as co-pilots. Him and Raleigh Becket. Kicking kaiju ass and saving the world.

So you bet your ass he snuck away. I won’t divulge whether or not he was humming theme music as he kid-ninja-ed his way to the medical bay (he totally did, and he was blissfully unaware that literally all the shatterdome personnel he passed saw him; they were just too gobsmacked themselves to do anything about some kid running around while the world was falling apart around them).

And finally: “And if he did, do you think they would’ve walked in on Raleigh screaming for Yancy?”

Not exactly. Not screaming, anyway. More… constantly weeping in both physical and mental pain, unable to grasp that the presence in his mind was gone – but sort of wasn’t at the same time, which was worse; like a phantom ache but inside his mind instead of in a missing limb – unable to stop repeating his brother’s name, though his voice was little more than a harsh whisper.

He was strapped to the bed. At first, Chuck was FURIOUS. How DARE they? This was one of the best jaeger pilots in the world, dammit!

But there was blood on the pale blue hospital johnny, a blotchy stain over the right flank, a weirdly tidy patch in a geometric pattern over the left shoulder and chest, and before he could make a right ass of himself, he realized the restraints were an attempt to get Becket to hold still and stop reopening his injuries.

Jesus. This wasn’t… he couldn’t….

Was there anything left in that young, handsome, All-American blonde head but a dead man’s name and unendurable pain?

Chuck lost his nerve. It was only for a moment, but it was long enough for him to turn away from the demoralizing sight on the bed. Long enough for him to take a step toward the door, toward telling himself none of this had happened, because if this had happened to Becket, it could happen to HIM, and he damn well wanted to pilot a jaeger someday, and to do that, he had to get that image out of his head.

That could be HERC, and he had to get away right now because no.

Then, the constant, hoarse litany of broken Yancys stopped, freezing Chuck just inside the door.

A soft, soul-weary sob.

Another.

Gritting his teeth, young Chuck turned his stubborn self back around and faced the truth. The truth was Raleigh Becket, strapped to a hospital bed, cheeks wet and almost blistered from the constant stream of tears, lips cracked and voice wrecked and body scarred and broken in a blood-stained hospital johnny.

“Mr. Becket?”

Jesus. He sounded like an idiot.

But the restless would-be thrashing stilled.

“Uh… do you… need anything?” He narrowly avoided facepalming. “I mean, I could… are you thirsty? I can get you–”

Raleigh Becket suddenly screamed, full-throat, his body arching against the restraints, fresh blood staining the pale blue. If Chuck had been even a few years younger, he’d have pissed himself in terror.

It was a near miss, even now.

“Raleigh, stop! Jesus, mate, please stop!”

Because the scream went on, hoarse and throat-tearing and awful, and years later, after he’d picked a fight with the has-been, he’d go back to his bunk in a fury and suddenly remember that scream and how it had seemed to reach down his throat and grip his guts in a frigid clutch until he just wanted to sit down right there on the floor. Until he clapped his hands over his ears because surely his eardrums would burst from the intensity of it.

The sudden memory – how could he have forgotten? it had haunted his nightmares for years, though he would never admit it – would send him into the jaeger bay to work on Striker, and he and Herc would have yet another shitty argument about how Chuck would never be good enough.

And he would again remember that scream and how he’d wanted to maybe be Becket’s friend, his co-pilot, but he had instead damn near pissed himself and, in a panic, had used the kerfuffle of all the running medical personnel to skulk away like a coward, instead.

He never told Herc.

But eventually, after Pitfall and a few tentative, awkward conversations that slowly became easier and full of more laughter than painful silences, he did tell Raleigh.

[grade-a-masochist]

Okay so flash forward to episode 9 and. Dude.

I love how when Isak is talking to Eva he waits as long as humanly possible to let his face show that he knows he's been caught. Matteo, on the other hand, just gives it up as soon as he knows he's busted. Both faces are so fucking guilty tho, oh my God.

Michi's acting in the scene? *chef kiss* (Though to be fair Michi's acting is always *chef kiss*)

DRUCK reaaallly likes doing its own thing, huh? Like, the karaoke, Kiki being taken to another place, only Mia being there, Hanna and Jonas hooking up 'cause she lost her phone and Matteo's fantastic music taste came to bite him in the ass. And that's only a few changes, mind you, since I'm watching this in the AM hours without having slept much.

I swear I will eventually be done with my Matteo rambling, but bear with me. Now with that out of the way:

DUDE. Man. Come on. Jonas singing I'm Not The Only One of all fucking Sam Smith songs...for Matteo??? That's such a low blow! Like yeah fair enough it was probably fueled by his broken heart and the fact his girlfriend cheated on him and he's having a crisis 'cause either he doesn't know her or she has no personality BUT! Like. Jonas doesn't it but. Matteo's like. So in love with him it's actually pretty painful to watch? Like I kinda wanna slap him and tell him to PLEASE skip the falling-in-love-with-your-straight-best-friend part of realizing that you might not be straight after all and save himself some pain and then I realize that I literally cannot do that BACK TO MY POINT (If I ever had one). I can only imagine the internal screaming going through Matteo's whole body right then and there. Not only that but. As soon as Jonas sees Hanna his whole tone, pace and overall feel changes. There's emotion there. There's passion, devotion, hurt and all. And Matteo kinda turns his head and you bet your ass he knows who's there and personally I might have gotten alcohol poisoning with all the chugging I would've done.

I like how they explain Matteo's father leaving a bit more than in OG. It's no less dickish but it does explain a lot of shit.

Alright. Matteo time is over. Theoretically.

My DUDE Amira telling Kiki why she fought Leonie was priceless. Like. Yeah suck on it, bitch

If you hadn't noticed I really do not like Kiki. She comes off less ignorant and accidentally mean and more bitchy and careless.

Jonas has this look like he wants to cry every time he argues with Hanna and yes, DRUCK somehow made me truly like the guy before we saw him in season 3. Miracles, y'all

I like the Eva and Leonie scene better in OG but Hanna's actress out here giving her all and looking so real, so heartfelt. I respect her so much

Have I mentioned I love the soundtrack? Because I really love the soundtrack

I could listen to Amira singing Rolling In the Deep and Adele's whole album on loop and I'd be happy

I just love Amira. I loved Sana, yeah, but sometimes she was so harsh I felt her words like I was the character she was talking to. Amira, on the other hand, is no less direct and up-front, but she isn't as frigid. She's just straight forward. While keeping her good vibe going on. She feels like a smooth criminal and I'm a sucker for those.

I really am destined to love Noora across all universes huh

Alex has more emotions and conviction than Willy Wonka (Willhelm) ever did but I am still not sure whether I hate his guts, am indifferent to him or whether I'm gonna grudgingly love him and hate myself for it til he gets his shit well and truly together

Uh. Who the fuck authorized Sam being so hot and amazing and being so cool and having such pretty hair? Like. I love Chris, I really do, and I would be her best friend or date her any time but dude. Sam is another freaking level of all around GREAT

Okay, so I lied. More Matteo loving. Sorry. "The small one with messy hair—"...dude. in what fucking universe could he be considered "small"? What am I? A fucking hobbit???

I don't think I will ever get over the girl squad existing

Now onto episode ten and then to fucking BED

(Shhh don't tell my brain, otherwise the bitch will pull her shit again)

I am about to end the first episode of DRUCK and I have few thoughts.

How come Jonas' speech is so great? No fair, man

This Jonas comes off a lot less shady than the original Jonas and I'd like to thank not only God but the writers for that

At least this cast doesn't have to sneak into Eva's room through a window the size of an air duct

You have Isak who was pretty dilligent and got good grades and than you have Matteo who essentially says "what is biology lol"

I fucking love Amira. She just gives me such good vibes

This Vilde is either a lot more straightforward or a whole lot bitchier because wow girl

Sam?? Is??? So??? Hot??? Like I can't

Penetrator Chris' counterpart didn't call Hannah a dick tease?? What's this?? Human decency? No that can't be

Wait does Hannah live with her dad this time around? Neat

Bonus:

Blessed be this amazing soundtrack because boy, am I in love