#just chronicling (?) this stuff like a journal

[chuuciae]

mr bear and i are watching law and order and dateline..... and taking pics of the soap bars...

[little-mouse-gardens]

Yandere fae turtles

Random au idea that popped up in my head

Yan turtles spider wick chronicles au? Based on a random scenario i wrote involving my ocs while listening to music from pans labyrinth and the spider wick soundtrack

Also tagging @lexiechr , @souperwrites and @radicallxser, thanks for inspiring these headcannons!

Warning : Mentions of violence, blood, murder, unhealthy relationships, manipulation, kidnapping (I do not condone this behavior in real life. this is only for entertainment purposes only)

Reader moves into an old cottage in the woods and begins renovating it. Like has the ideas layed out on the table and everything.

However, as they move in and begin renovations for their dream cottage…..reader notices something’s…off

Maybe it’s the way the breeze blows likes its whispering their name, or the odd sensation of being watch, but things keep getting stranger.

- Such as things going missing (milk, honey, baked goods, gadgets and gizmos, soft blankets and clothes)

- new expensive items or just things reader wanted appearing on their doorstep with little notes, their garden is blooming in winter. little protective charms start being put up mysteriously, weak stuff to keep the smaller nuisances away. jewelry, coats, and robes with strand symbols.

Though the most worrying is the fact that the chickens they keep around are terrified of the forest at night. The birds usually so bold to follow you around are literally petrified to go past a seemingly invisible line that circles the entire house.

Eventually reader discovers the attic of an old professor who was an expert in fae and nymphology after multiple wierd events keep happening around their house. Oddly, a few pages of the journal are missing in the back. However they do take the time to skim over the books contents and discover they may have a fae Problem.

So, reader deals with problem accordingly.

Learning how to properly but politely decline the gifts left on your porch. Putting up charms of protection and making sure everything is cleansed properly. Even going as far as to leave tiny offerings just outside of the edge of the forest to distract whoever or whatever was doing this.

Lining their house with stones, to ensure that there’s a barrier between your home and the fae.

Though reader reads back on the journey and realizes some forms of offering or giving trinkets can be interpreted as courting……oops

Things get worse.

dead birds and other things start being dropped on your door step, the salt gets blown away in strong gusts of wind from the forest

Just a whole slew of the things that make reader worry about their safety. So they decide to read the professors journals in order to seek answers. Oddly, they notice some of the pages are missing…..

Not realizing they have caught the eyes of the four gaurdians of the forest who all seek to capture them and make reader theirs.

Page by page and day by, reader learns more of who could be behind this never ending line of mysterious events. Especially with the help of mayhem, a small fae they discovered living in the attic who properly helps them learn more about the four kings of the fae and the forest covered mountains.

Reader notices mayhem bringing back things such as adder stones and old pages from the journal during the day, but remaining hidden inside when nightfall comes. Using the adder stones to let mayhem chase of pesky goblins and pixies tormenting their poor chickens.

One day, four handsome strangers arrive in town. Four turtle mutants who each seem particularly affectionate and fond of reader whenever they stop by or run into eachother. Flirting, praises, ect. Yet when they visit they never cross the line of stones.

The brothers come by on occasion, or rather frequently, but are strange around the house and insist on being chilavalorous and being invited in

Not once.

They hang out at the edge of your circle of stones. Often ask if you want to go for a late night walk or to invite them inside your home. ***Don’t. Do. It***

Either they wont leave, or you’ll disappear. And don’t give them your name under any circumstances.

Reader, having studied the journals and noticing mayhems aggression towards them, sense something off with the mysterious strangers who seem to shower them in attention and gifts. So, reader goes back home one evening and spends most of the night piecing together that journal

Page by page and using the old, pencil over some seemingly blank paper to reveal its hidden message indented into parchment. All the while they hear the noises of whispers on the wind. Affectionate but manipulative praises of love to come outside and be with them.

Reader doesn’t fall for it.

And eventually reader discovers the true identities of the turtles once mayhem helps them glue the last page inside.

So, by the fireplace with mayhem protectively flopped over by the front door, reader reads up on the boys true identity’s. Quietly going over the inked lettering bit by but until they’ve remembered everything. Even about the four higher-ups above, the court of four Kings with the same names as the regular four Kings. though reader just refers to the court of four Kings as the peepaws for a bit of comedy relief.

- Raphael : prince of the trolls, giants, often a brute to those who cross him. Steals soft blankets, plush toys and just anything he deems worthy to add to his space of comfort. His den of blankets and nest of comforts. Never cross him, steal what’s his or mess with his brothers unless you want to be brutally beaten to death by a mutant with the strength of a giant. He was the one to take old plushies, pillows, blankets from your home Before your began setting up protective charms

- Leonardo and Donatello : princes of the goblins, hobgoblins and boggarts. A dangerous duo, both together and separated they are cunning. Donnie is calculating and clever, no one has yet to match his genius and will torture those who don’t give him offerings of precious metals of human gadgets. Leonardo is a charming almost smug fae, he’s clever and manipulative to a fault with expensive tastes, he has his ways of getting what he wants and torture is one of them, though his preferred method is illusion and mind games. Leaving old consoles or expensive items outside your house and they’re quickly snatched up by the pair or their people

- Finally there is Michelangelo : princes of the fairies, pixies, brownies and smaller fae who use their creativity and affection to lure their victims. A tad bit spoiled despite his sweet and bubbly demeanor. He will throw a fit for the ages when he doesn’t get what he wants. Appease him with sweets and art supplies if you must. However his sweetness is only reserved for those he wants to reserve it for……I’m not going to say what his methods of disposing of victims are, let’s just say it’s too traumatic for the minds of mankind

It’s suffice to say, a lot of readers items go missing. Got a painting or art supply you left in sight of the window? Suddenly it’s plastered all over Mikey’s own nest. Jewelry that’s broken? Patched up and apart of each of the boys attire. Although important items to reader that they care a lot about are always returned before the end of the day

mayhem usually takes trips outside to find it. Stealing it right from under the boys noses and scampering back to readers house with stolen goods in their jaws.

Occasionally readers neighbor April pops on by to help out. She’s nice….something feels off but she’s nice nonetheless. Though the protective fae circle is slightly crooked in some spots after she leaves.

But once reader is prepared to deal with the boys, they start sitting out on their porch at night. Humming a random tune to their favorite song and quietly making satchets to hang in the doorways. Leaving offerings for smaller fae just outside of the circle. Making sure to make eye contact with any of the bois if they decide to come closer from the treeline.

And they do. They’re head over heels for this person. So of course they would approach, Each ones words Filled with nothing but loving compliments and promises to make reader their partner. To have them rule by their side over their domain.

They live gifts outside the circle, making sure reader sees each of them doing it. they grin and blow kisses, stalking around the circle

That is until they see one of their brothers. It either ends in them having a stare off and duke it out. They’d politely sabotage each other’s gift. Larger gifts over shadowing smaller ones. Making their gifts more eye catching to reader.

sometimes, reader will occasionally tease them back. Saying that it wouldn’t be too bad if they went with one of them on certain conditions. Which practically redoubles the boys efforts to woo their new potential partner. All the while reader goes into sage the house with mayhem glaring at the turtles from the front porch steps.

And each of the boys subjects defiantly do their best to try and help out their king.

Trolls and larger fae sent to help repair readers house

Goblins, and boggarts sent to fetch reader new clothes, expensive objects or things reader likes

Pixies, fairies and brownies to finish house chores, redecorate and replenish the home

All of whom are attempting to convince and argue reader should marry their prince. How their prince would be the perfect husband, how the other fae would love to help reader get settled into their new home in the forest, ect.

Just when reader thinks it couldn’t be more crazy. That’s when they finally catch the eyes of the four kings, previous princes now grown. (Aka the future turtles)

Much more powerful than the princess and certainly more menacing. Handsome, Bigger, more decked out in lavish clothes and jewelry, and covered in scars From fights and other events in their long lives.

Their colors may be a bit more faded than their younger counterparts but they make up for it in sheer presence.

Each one of them absolutely adore reader and are delighted the empty throne by their side will be filled with a loving partner to share their lives with and spoil. Perhaps, just potentially, that nursery in that beautiful sunny spot in the woods could be filled with the soft cries and giggles of an heir they Could care for with tenderness and love.

Now, reader must deal with eight admirers, all of which have tricks of their sleeves.

Much more expensive gifts and even more gestures of goodwill…..

Including leaving young Casey, king Leonardo’s son, in the care of reader. The young boy left on readers porch and convinced this was his new parent he was supposed to bring back home to his family.

Reader almost fell for the whole ‘my dad’s hurt in the woods’ trick, if it wasn’t for the fact mayhem and the chickens kept staring out into the treeline. Watching Leonardo smirking from the shadows with anticipation.

So, reader trusts their gut, and just decides to take the little toddler in and raise them as their own. Feeds him, reads him stories, lullaby’s, plays with him. Ect.

However reader has to constantly remind him not to remove the new protections on the cottage. Though the boy always breaks down in tears and reader always tells him it’s okay and not to do it again. Though when his parent is asleep, he speaks to his fathers and uncles about why his ‘parent’ won’t come home with them and what was he doing wrong.

Eventually, since the peepaws can break through the barriers, reader must go off into the woods to get some random flowers for a wreath they were making. Taking Casey on a small trek into the woods just when the satchets finally wear off.

Giggling and whispers can be heard beckoning reader to the woods over the sound of Casey going on about how happy he was to finally be with his parent, ect.

In the blink of an eye and before mayhem can reach them, reader is whisked off by one of the turtles. Never to be seen again.

Waking up in one of the eights domains of with one of the turtles snuggled up to them. Murmuring about they’ll be so happy there with them, and how they’ll shower them with love and gifts so they can never leave.

Escaping them will be difficult, and after the impromptu wedding. Reader must play the part until the opportunity to escape and rid themselves of the immortality they’ve been granted.

But be warned

They will hunt you down once you do

And you better hope you can make it out of town before they do find you

[darknessawaits28]

The Chronicles of The Mandalorian and Boba Fett~(love triangle) Chapter 1

Storyline: This is the story of a young warrior (y/n), that fought all across the galaxy, earning a name that brought fear to the ears of many. Life was as good as it can be, until the Empire took that away, giving her the heart of an ice spider. She had no choice but to go into hiding, after all, there was still a bounty to her head. So, she decided to do the simplest job that anyone could possibly do; bounty hunting. Though bounty hunting was a dangerous profession, something that she could obviously handle, but it could sometimes lead to unforsaken enemies and possible lovers. Well, who shall we meet on this journey? 

Warnings: Well, it can be fluffy at times but there are going to be scenes that might offend or be inappropriate to many. With that being said, this story contains; Fluff, Choking, oral sex (F receiving), Fingering, Sex, Doggy style, Blood, Violence, Cursing, masturbating etc. There is also notions of injections and medical stuff. There is a lot more stuff but Enjoy lovies!

(Note: This is not following the exact story of the star wars trilogy, it will have a lot of pieces from Mandalorian, Boba Fett, and maybe include already known characters)

(Second Note: I haven't continued this story in a while, I will have to watch back the films to remember most of the scenes so it will take me some time to continue writing, but stay tuned for updates!)

(On another note: Thank you lovies for all your love and support, hope you enjoy the story) :3

Chapter 1: The Beginning of a long journey

It was a long cold night, sounds of the cackling fire pressed against your inner ear as you sat upon the grassy meadows of Tython. Tears began to overwhelm you as you remembered the tragedy that happened on Coruscant, your parents and masters that trained you, slaughtered before your very eyes by the so called Empire. If your master was here, he would probably say, 'This is not the time to cry and act childish, you are in a world were you have to take care of yourself, not matter the cost.' A bit heartless, but he was right, a warrior like yourself could not just sit here and cry because you lost loved ones. We all loose loved ones eventually. You were a warrior, built to take any blow by any man, woman, or machine. That strength earned you the title of 'The blood seeker', a dark name that everyone knew, especially the Empire. Having two red light sabers can attract a lot of attention (another reason why you were called the blood seeker), but you belonged to no creed, no caste, not anything. You were neither Jedi nor Sith, you were just you, a simple girl using the force to protect the innocent and seek revenge when necessary. 

        As you thought about this, you pulled out a small journal, opening it to see the pictures of your family, friends, masters, it struck a nerve inside you; your sadness turning into burning hatred.

"I will kill them all....if its the last thing I do..." you mumbled under your breathe, standing to your two feet.

Slowly but surely you walked over to a woody tree, tugging at both your light sabers from your leg pouches, unsheathing them with a hum that echoed against your ears.

"They will suffer" you yelled as you chopped the tree, slashing it into pieces as if it were the enemy. "You took everything from me!" A another slash could be heard echoing. "I will kill your children!" A slash again. And again. And again, until there was nothing left to cut. You panted heavily as you stood before the tree that was no more, sheathing your lightsaber back into your pouches, closing it of course so that you wouldn't cut your leg off.

"I can't keep living on this planet alone, I have to find a something to do, maybe a job that can possibly lead me to the people that hurt my family" You thought, pacing back and forth. Yet, it hit you, "Hmm, how about Nevarro or Tatooine?" "They could possibly have jobs for me to do, or I could possibly just sign up at the nearest bounty hunting guild?" 

        With that in mind, you snuffed out the fire, heading towards the coinvent ship that you stole a long time ago from a degenerate man that wanted to fuck you as payment for this hunk of junk. "I guess we can start at Nevarro, hopefully this piece of shit can survive a hyper jump again, it was a while since I used it" you huffed, closing the hatch door before heading to the cock pit. As you strapped yourself in, you turned towards the stuffed bantha that your father gave you when you were just a little foundling, a soft smile appearing across your face. "I love you papa, and mama" you chuckled, turning back towards the controls.

As you began to press the same buttons you used before, the ship began to whir and purr, the engines turning on quicker than usual, "Okay please for the love of yoda, work!" You begged, as you began to lift off the ground, heading up to the sky of Tython. Once you entered the atmosphere, the ship began to shake, your heart nearly beating out of your chest, worried that this might be your last time alive. But, thankfully, the ship survived the entry into space and you got ready to make the jump to Nevarro.

"Lets knock some heads in!" was the last thing that escaped your lips as you jumped to the planet of Nevarro.

[missmarthanightingale]

i find myself wondering again about bits of correspondence whose inclusion makes sense as an external narrative choice - quincey's letter & arthur's telegram both demonstrate the absolute lack of any jealousy, bitterness, or anything resembling hard feelings between lucy's suitors, & also highlight the fact that these three aren't casual acquaintances, they're close friends, with quincey's letter particularly emphasizing that they're old friends with a long history together.

but the in-universe collection of documents? their friendship is relevant, perhaps, but is adequately illustrated elsewhere, as is their shared no-hard-feelings policy with regards to lucy's engagement. i believe there is only one other occasion in the entire book that we get a telegram or anything else from arthur, that one being far more relevant to the vampire experience, & this is, if i'm not mistaken, the only piece of writing we have by quincey. there are no others.

it's safe to assume that, like van helsing, neither of them keep journals. do we also assume that all correspondence between the characters from the time period are included in the compilation but that quincey & arthur just weren't writing to other cast members? is it likelier that they were in more regular contact but the other stuff was even less relevant, & these two pieces only made the cut because a decision was made to chronicle lucy's last months as completely as possible? did arthur & jack want to include that specific note from quincey because of the references to their shared history, because it's such a nice little snapshot of their friendship? is its presence here their little tribute to him, & arthur's telegram a representation of how well they loved him back?

[nalyra-dreaming]

As a big fan of Daniel I’ve mixed feelings about the finale. Absolutely it was fun to see Daniel serve c*nt, loved his glasses and leather jacket. Very fun - I also feel his very energetic vibe definitely affirms that journalism/writing/publishing books that have an impact is his drug (as a certain maker affirmed earlier). But, where is his story going to go now???

Like I feel SO cheated at not only not seeing him being turned, but not seeing him having to adjust at all or struggle/cope with being a vampire? Time skips freaking sucks. Like that is a big change, and I wouldn’t expect them to do it in as much detail as Louis (good TV writers wouldn’t repeat themselves like that, and it wouldn’t be good writing) but I expected something? Like I already was feeling a bit annoyed at how Daniel’s trauma in San Francisco basically just become all about Louis’ and Armand’s dynamic. I didn’t expect DM to happen there (and I loved the episode) but I thought the emotional fallout would be bigger. Like Daniel gets half-a-scene(!) of being upset and devastated, and then the writers very transparently just uses this to make Daniel aggressively suspicious of Armand and as a way to foreshadow the level of Armand’s deception. Like Daniel was obviously angry, but even that was basically only shown as it was useful. I hate when plot is done at the expense of character. Of course when plot and character go hand in hand that is the best, but this wasn’t it?! Like if Rollins meant that Daniel was one of the two who needed the second interview to happen it barely makes sense. There’s only closure in the most shallow sense that Daniel got to find out that he was traumatized and that this did have a negative impact on his life (by an event he couldn’t consciously remember but feel). I presume that is what Rollins meant? It feels really(!) underwritten. Nothing wrong with the idea, but again basically just stated in explanatory dialogue about his exes and kids. Happy to hear a better take on this if anyone has one though? I want to be convinced to be more positive! Of course Daniel isn’t the main character, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask that he’s still treated as a three dimensional character.

I don’t know, I just feel upset now at the thought that Daniel’s mainly been turned at this point to become a vampire-chronicler for plot reasons… Like if DM had happened I would expect them to leave us a substantial hint. I’m freaking begging any higher power that Armand’s revulsion at creating a fledgling means something (and is not a red herring like the “you should fear the other one”). And that we’ll revisit it. But I just don’t have faith anymore… Praying that I’m wrong, but if Daniel spends the next season as only a narrative device I’m out (I don’t mind him being a narrative device if he also gets to be a character outside of that - to be clear). Waiting four years for any kind of plot to be resolved after it’s been introduced is too long frankly….(if they aren’t addressing this until season 4). So if we aren’t finding out about the turning or worse - there’s nothing more to it and we’ll get an independent DM plot which begins in pure spite then, I’m freaking sad!

I’m really sorry for the downer post, I just feel I needed to express some of my worries and frustration. Would love to hear what you think, as I’ve often found some comfort reading your blog <3 A more positive take is warmly welcomed! There’s a lot to like about this season, but I just feel a bit lost now… I just wish there was something substantial to hang on to (and the Alice stuff ain’t it)

He is not only turned to be the chronicler. Reread the interviews with Eric re Raglan James, too 😈

There will be a LOT going on. And I just shared the link to the ATx festival, where they also talked DM. Might be worth a watch?^^

It‘ll be alright. I would bet real money on it. They just do it their way.

[barry-j-blupjeans]

"You can't just ask me questions and expect me not to ask them back!" Merle said, scooting his chair in. They were sitting around the circular meeting table. The meeting itself had ended about an hour ago, but this room wasn't booked for another two hours.

Originally, they were all supposed to stay, but Taako and Lup had made up some bullshit excuse (Lucretia wanted to doubt the existence of a live cooking themed around Fantasy Hocus Pocus, but with how insistent they had been on its existence, she wasn't sure anymore). Davenport did actually have another meeting to go to. Barry, at least, seemed to tell the truth when he said he was going to go home and nap. Magnus's had obviously been a lie, unless "going to walk my fish" was a euphemism that Lucretia didn't know about.

So here she was with Merle.

"I think I can," Lucretia said, pulling her journal closer to her.

"It's team building," Merle said. "Y'know, with the whole team." He gestured around to the empty table.

"Sure," Lucretia said.

"Fine, fine," Merle said. "I'll come up with a different question." Merle leaned back in his chair, squinting his eyes up to the ceiling as he thought. Lucretia finished writing down Merle's answer to the last question. Then, "alright. I've got one."

"Hit me," Lucretia said.

"What's your biggest fear?"

"That's.... so much deeper than what I've asked you," Lucretia said.

"First you want me to make a new question, then ya don't want my question-!"

"No, no!" Lucretia said. "I mean, I'll answer it. But that's a pretty deep cut, Merle."

"That's just how I role, baby."

"Never call me that again."

"Right. Right, gotcha."

Lucretia tried to think. Her biggest fear? She was scared of lots of things. One of her family members dying. Her dying. Ferrets. The big filing cabinet Davenport had next to his desk, the one that wobbled every time someone went near it. But her biggest fear?

"Forgetting who I am," Lucretia said, before she could really even think about it more. "Forgetting where- where I came from and just- everything about me. Not knowing who I am and not being able to remember."

"Oh," Merle said. "Wowza."

"You asked," Lucretia said, laying her journal flat. She had started to bring it up to her chest as she thought.

"Wowza like, that's deep!" Merle said, "not like, that's bad. Is that- I mean, d'you think that's why you, uh, chronicle so much? So you remember stuff? Or am I just pullin' at straws here?"

"The writing is... a part of it," Lucretia said. "But I- to be honest, Merle, I try not to think about it too much, considering it's my biggest fear. Maybe the journalling is part of it, maybe not, but it's not the main reason I write, no."

"Gotcha," Merle said.

"Now to throw it back at you-" Merle groaned and Lucretia cracked a little grin. "What's your biggest fear, Merle?"

"Fantasy Kool-Aid Man," Merle said, no hesitation.

[starscribes]

StarScribes Introduction

About Me

Star (she/her)

Married

Middle School Teacher

I have a lot of responsibilities and don't get much time to myself but when I do I spend that time watching TV, writing, reading, playing D&D, playing video games (the Sims 4), and spending casual time with my family

US located

I used to be @houndsofcorduff but then I disappeared and started a simblr blog and now it's time to get on writeblr again

Writing

Mostly fantasy of varying levels, although I have dabbled in science fiction (I like to watch sci-fi more than write it - that's where my name came from actually, the Stargate franchise)

My favorite author is Brandon Sanderson

No, I don't think I'll ever publish anything, just scribe vibing

I love worldbuilding, magic system building, monster building, etc

Warning: I rarely finish anything I start

Blog

Ask game, tag game, ask, etc friendly

Reblogging stuff I like about writing

Posting snippets of my own writing

Participating in Nanowrimo (buddy me: stargatetribe)

Main/Simblr: @starandsims

Thanks for visiting and learning about me!

WIPs under the cut

Current WIP

Crescent Unbound - A stand-alone fantasy novel following Astrid Vale, a girl left orphaned by the last battle between good and evil. 20 years later she awakens an artifact with great power, it whispers of the return of evil. She must return it to the Chosen One so that it can be used to banish evil once again, but the quest is not as easy as it may seem.

Main Series: The Destiny Chronicles

Overall Synopsis: A generational series that follows a variety of supernatural beings: The Devlins (monster hunters); Seers (see the future), Sandmen (travel/control dreams), Mages (control a variety of magics), Cruth (control elements), and hybrids. Follows certain individuals chosen by Destiny to stop a great evil, and involves a lot of crossover until the end when everyone meets up for the big bad battle.

Book One: Retrospection - 1976 Earth - Russell Walker is a 16-year-old Seer dating Alexis Devlin a 16-year-old monster hunter. When she reveals his identity as a Seer and subsequently explains he's being hunted by a Seer-eating monster, they run away together - unfortunately not to fall in love but rather to save his life.

Book Two: Otherworld - 2007 Otherworld - Maxine Devlin was born into a family of monster hunters, but after 17 years she still hasn’t been allowed to fulfill that role. She has read every journal her ancestors have written and knows everything there is to know about monsters…or so she thinks. After her uncle and cousin go missing, she takes it upon herself to investigate and find them. Very quickly she finds herself in over her head as she travels to a dimension called Otherworld, where she discovers there is much more to magic than she once assumed.

Book Three: Shades of Night - 2010 Shadow - Sebastian Devlin has been to other dimensions before - technically just the one other than the one he was born in. That doesn't make it any easier though when he's dragged through a portal by the monster he's hunting. On his own this time, he'll have to find a way home, if that's even possible. Before he can do that though, he'll have to solve this new dimensions monster problem.

Book Four: Lost in Atlantis - 2011 Atlantis - The Devlin family is back together on a special mission to search the dimension of Atlantis for a particularly dangerous monster - the one that's been hunting Sebastian. The dimension of Atlantis has been abandoned for centuries, but almost immediately they find a single survivor, an impossible face from the past.

Book Five: Vengeance at the Door - 2013 Earth - Sebastian Devlin the monster hunter has become the hunted, chased across multiple states and dimensions by a horrifying visage either of his imagination or reality. Now in Boston, he's just trying to live off the radar of any monster or creature. As the patients at the mental hospital where he works begin to see the same visages he's been seeing, does he run again? Or get himself slaughtered?

Book Six: Heartwood - 2015 Shadow - Janina Heartwood is a good little sister, she picks food off of her brother's plate, puts leaves in his hair, sticks up for him, and trusts him to the edge of the world. After a mysterious man reveals that her brother, Jake, is adopted and descended from a line of monster hunters called the Devlins, she follows him to another dimension to protect him. Now she, Jake, and her boyfriend, Ethan, find themselves trying to destroy an evil entity known as the Sluagh. Janina fights shapeshifters, gremlins, pirates, and more to protect her brother, but will it be enough?

Book Seven: Bring Me a Dream - 2015 Earth - Reynolds McNeil is a Sandman slowly turning into a Nightmare just trying to live out his final few months keeping his friends out of trouble and protecting his little sister from his scary world. Instead, he gets kidnapped and taken to an underground fight ring for augmented humans like himself.

Book Eight: Dream Treader - 2016 Unnamed Dimension - Rescued at the last second by their thought-to-be dead brother, Reynolds and Louie discover there's a lot more to their strange powers than they thought. Things continue to get complicated as they are hunted by a different kind of enemy determined to rid the world of Destiny's chosen - them and their friends.

Book Nine: Moonlight Dreams - 2017 multiple dimensions - Still on the run but now without their leader, Reynolds and his friends try to learn everything they can about why they're being hunted. In the process they rescue their leader, who now must accept that it's time to start the endgame and bring together all of Destiny's chosen before they're hunted down.

Book Ten: Among Infinities - 2017 Isfyd - Carson has lived his entire life in the middle of a Civil War, and most of that was on the wrong side. Although he's on the right side now there are few who believe he's anything other than a spy. When Carson discovers there is a real spy out there he must discover the spy's identity before he's found guilty himself.

Book Eleven: Diplopia - 2018 Isfyd - Carson, now a prisoner of his mother and in the process of resisting her brainwashing, discovers this isn't the first time she's brainwashed him or erased his memories. Exploring his memories and his old home reveals answers and more questions.

Book Twelve: Splintered Crown - 2019 Earth- Freshly rescued, Carson and his friends flee to Earth to find the one thing that can stop his mother and her army - a girl with no idea who she is or how to use her powers, and absolutely no interest in joining their rebellion.

Book Thirteen: Destiny - 2020 Earth - Earth is invaded by soldiers from Isfyd, it will take all of Destiny's chosen to defeat the great evil they've been waiting for. The Devlins, the McNeils, the Moons, and Carson and his friends are the only chance this dimension has. It's looking increasingly like it won't be enough.

Other WIPs

Hounds of Corduff - 1800s Isfyd - A four-book series following the three Cruth apprentices of Corduff as they battle with and against each other in the middle of propaganda and other lies forcing them each further away from the truth.

The Elder Mage - 1976 - 2015 Various dimensions - a series of short stories following Denham Moon, who some would call Earth's most powerful mage. He's been entrusted with bringing together Destiny's chosen at the appropriate time, but he's mostly just procrastinating since he's pretty sure he won't make it through that appropriate time.

Old Gods - a 9-book series following Em'het, a curious and multi-talented boy with great magics who fights the gods to save his family, but after several years of doing the same thing over and over again he wonders if there's a point to any of it if the gods he faces just keep getting stronger and smarter.

Prince of Fireflies - a TV series that follows teenage twins Charlie and Riley as they attempt to keep their younger brother Liam out of trouble with his mysterious light powers. They're mostly unsuccessful.

The Peculiar Adventures of Michael Mallory - an unnumbered book series that follows 9-year-old Michael Mallory after he sneaks aboard his older brother's spaceship. While in the process of trying to return Michael, Nicholas Mallory and his crew are attacked and forced to hyperjump without their navigation machines online. Now they're lost in space, who knows how far from home, and somehow raising a 9-year-old.

The Disappearing Place - just one book - 12-year-old Martin Ramsey has a bad habit of disappearing, blinking in and out of existence seemingly at random. His brother Bartholomew tries to help but ends up making things worse when he starts disappearing too. In a wacky time-traveling dilemma the brothers have to figure out what is happening and why to try and get back home, while continually randomly jumping in and out of time and space.

[softmiso]

you make loving fun | wolfstar

🦊 kinktober day 15: teasing (ft. my take on 5+1 things, also techically there's foot stuff? but like don't let that deter you it's so subtle, just thought i'd mention it)

🥮 other details: nsfw/18+, ~1k words

🍁 cross-posted on ao3

Strike One

Sirius awoke, feeling hotter than usual. Not only was the sun beating down on his skin through the window, but he was also fully covered by his and Remus’ shared duvet. Remus, on the other hand, was completely uncovered. Odd sight, Sirius noted. Usually, Remus was the one to hog the duvet at night, stating that he ‘ran cold’ and that Sirius should ‘have more sympathy.’

But alas, there lay Remus, sun kissing his scars and freckles beautifully. Naturally, Sirius’ eyes trailed down, only to be met by Remus’ unclothed body. Another odd sight, thought Sirius, not unwelcome though. Remus tended to sway more on the shy side when it came to his body. He further enjoyed wearing his oversized jumpers, even well into the summer.

Now, despite these oddities, Sirius was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Gently, he made his way to Remus’ side of the bed—hand landing on his waist, and lips finding his shoulder.

Remus woke with a smile.

Strike Two

The two had had a slow start to their morning, lazing around in bed for a good part of it, before making their way to the kitchen. Remus set to making breakfast, as Sirius made them their respective cups of tea and coffee.

Remus ended up making simple, but delicious, bowls of yogurt topped with granola, berries, and honey. They ate calmly. That is, until Remus finished his bowl, taking his good old time to savour every last bite. Sirius could not look away from the way his boyfriend’s berry-stained lips wrapped around his spoon. Wonder what they’d look like wrapped around my—

“Right, well!” Sirius spoke, voice just a tad too high. “I’m, uh, gonna go get ready.”

Remus watched as his boyfriend left the kitchen in a hurry, not missing the slight bulge in his pyjama bottoms.

Strike Three

After breakfast, they headed into town, Remus stating that he wanted to find a muggle book a coworker had recommended. Remus, also, just so happened to be wearing Sirius’ favourites of his pullovers. This didn’t go unnoticed.

As they weaved their way in and out of second-hand bookstores, Remus’ hand would brush Sirius’ every now and then. Inconspicuous enough to fly under the radar of fellow shoppers, but enough to make a warmth spread across Sirius’ skin.

With each touch, Remus smiled to himself.

Strike Four

After a few more shops, and a quick stop in a café, the duo found themselves in an old bookstore on the edge of town. It had three stories and was filled to the brim with books dating back farther than Sirius could imagine.

The top floor was where Remus found his book, eyes lighting up at the discovery. When those eyes found Sirius’ own, however, they lit up with something different.

After checking to make sure they were alone, Remus crowded Sirius into a corner, hand weaving its way into his darker locks. Remus’ lips brushed against the other’s cheek, in what seemed to be an innocent-enough touch. Sirius was then taken by surprise as Remus’ touch migrated, lips now on his earlobe. The bugger. Sirius’ earlobes were among his most sensitive spots. Remus knew this, and he knew it well.

Usually, Remus would nip at Sirius’ earlobe playfully, earning anything from a whine to a moan. This time, though, he pulled away just as Sirius’ eyes had fluttered closed.

“Should go pay, eh, Siri?” Remus spoke in a sickeningly sweet tone.

Strike Five

It was now evening, and the sun has long since disappeared from the sky. Remus had been deeply engrossed in his books, eyes barely leaving the pages since they had gotten home. He sat with his feet in Sirius’ lap, who was sat at the opposite end of the couch. Sirius scribbled away in his journal, chronicles of the past few days, fragments of songs, and doodles filling the pages.

Sirius nearly messed up his drawing when he felt a foot brush up against his crotch. He tried to ignore it, thinking that Remus had probably just outstretched his foot absentmindedly. He was proven wrong at the second touch.

Sirius could feel himself growing harder and harder by the minute. When he looked up, expecting a smirking Remus, he was met by the other man’s flat expression as he continued to read his book.

When Sirius looked away, Remus couldn’t help but to let the corners of his mouth twitch upwards.

The Final Straw

Sirius was in front of the washroom mirror, brushing his teeth as he readied himself for bed. His mind had grown foggy as the night went on, and he was nearly falling asleep mid-brush. Nearly. He started to think back on the day—Remus’ sleeping figure in the morning, the spoon incident, Remus’ fleeting touches in town, the bookstore situation, Remus’ wandering foot on the couch—

In walks Remus, expression innocent as ever. They make eye contact in the mirror, and Sirius swears he sees a flicker of something in Remus’ eyes. He spits out the remainder of the toothpaste, rinsing the toothbrush and putting it away. Almost as if on cue, Remus’ hands grip Sirius’ waist, whose suspicions were now being confirmed. They were truly confirmed, then, when he felt Remus’ bulge press up against his backside.

“Oh, you little tease.” Sirius spun around, hands landing on Remus’ shoulders. Finally, Remus let a smile break out across his face as Sirius pushed him towards the door. Sirius’ hand migrated to his partner’s chin, holding him in place as their lips grew closer. It was now Remus’ turn to let his eyes shut slowly, but they snapped open when Sirius’ touch disappeared. His gaze landed on Sirius’ retreating figure, as the other man left the washroom.

“’Night, love!” Sirius called, now down the hall.

The cheeky fucker.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

[stargazer-sims]

1. Introduction (Video #1)

Caroline

Hey everybody!

My name is Caroline Okamoto-Nelson. I’m seventeen years old, and I live in Willow Creek. I like horses, cooking, shopping and J-pop. I really love swimming. I guess you might even say I'm obsessed with it. I'm really good at it too, and I have the medals to prove it.

People often comment that I look like both my parents, which is super funny to me since I’m not actually biologically related to them at all. I guess people say I resemble them because I have pale hair and blue eyes like Victor, and I have Japanese facial features like Yuri. Honestly, though, I don't mind if strangers assume I'm literally theirs. I am theirs in every way that matters, and being adopted is amazing because I know they love me enough to want to make me part of their family forever. I love them a lot, and even though I think about my biological parents sometimes, Victor and Yuri will always be my real parents.

Yeah, I have two dads, and to avoid things getting confusing I should let you know that I usually call them by their names. Some people think that's weird and a few people think it's disrespectful, but it's not weird to me. I started out as Victor and Yuri's foster child when I was six years old, after my biological father passed away, and I didn't want to call either of them Daddy or Papa or whatever. They were okay with that, and when they officially adopted me about a year later, the habit had already stuck.

I do call Victor 'Dad' sometimes, probably a lot more often than I call Yuri 'Papa'. Yuri says I only call him Papa when I really want something, which... is kinda not inaccurate. Luckily, he has a good sense of humour about it.

Let's see... Another important thing you should know about me straight away is that I'm blind. Before anybody starts demanding to know how a blind person can use a camera and make a video, remember blindness is a spectrum. Most people who fit into the category of blindness can see at least a little bit. There aren't that many people who're totally blind.

As for me, I was born with something called oculocutaneous albinism, which is why I look the way I do even though I'm one hundred percent Japanese. My condition means I have no pigment in my skin, hair and eyes, and it's why I have low vision.

I can see well enough to get around, but I do use my white cane at night or in unfamiliar places. I'm able to read large print, and I can see enough to use my computer and phone if I wear my glasses. I can do most normal things, actually. The only things that are really off-limits are driving and anything that requires good visual acuity, like cutting in a straight line, putting small objects together or sewing. Unfortunately, this means I'll never get to be a nurse like Victor. That's what I originally wanted to be, until I got older and started to understand my disability and finally realized that I don't see the same way everyone else does.

I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me because of my disability. I'm not unhappy or bitter about it and I don't need anyone's sympathy or pity. As a matter of fact, I have an awesome life, and I wouldn't want to change a thing.

On the subject of my life, that brings me around to why I'm making this video in the first place. I just started twelfth grade last week, and my best friends Forest and Camellia and I decided to sign up for media studies as one of our electives. The course runs for the whole school year, and we have to do one major project as well as some small assignments. Camellia and Forest got permission to work together — they're twins and they seem to want to do practically everything together — and they're making a podcast. I decided my project is going to be a documentary about myself. A video autobiography, I suppose you could say.

The plan is to chronicle my life from now till June, but it's not just going to be a video journal about random stuff that happens to me this year. I want to tell the story of my life so far, about how I went from being an unwanted baby in Japan to being the loved, talented, cute and successful person I am today.

These videos aren't going to be only me talking in front of a camera, either. I'm planning to interview my friends and family, and maybe also to give them the camera so they can record some thoughts of their own. Then, I'll edit everything and get it ready for the final presentation.

I've decided to call it Caroline & Company. I may be the main subject of this story, but nobody can exist alone. We all need company. I don't think it'd even be possible to survive without the guidance and support of family and friends, not to mention teachers, coaches, therapists, doctors and all the other people we interact with on a daily basis. Every person in my life is important, so I feel like they need to be acknowledged in some way.

Our teacher, Mr. Blanchet, is going to help our class design a website so that all our projects will be available for everyone to see at the end of the school year. Maybe it's nerdy of me to be excited for a school project, but I"m really looking forward to doing this, and I can hardly wait to see what my classmates come up with as well.

I think it's going to be an incredible year!

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tag @davycoquette!

Writer Questionaire

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life?

I mean, it's my greatest passion, but it's not what I do or plan on doing for a living in the future, so I'll go with hobby. To be honest, I'm fine with that. I think I'd enjoy writing a lot less if I was doing it professionally.

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript?

Sorry guys, clean manuscript. I do a barebones outline to start, then just write the thing top to bottom. I know first drafts aren't supposed to be pretty, but I can't help myself.

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration?

That's a tough one. I read a lot, so maybe Sanderson or Tolkien, but honestly, the person who inspired me to take writing more seriously is a guy from my weekly dnd group. He was the first person I met in real life who wrote and had published stuff. He proved to me that regular people can be authors too.

4. Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

Listening to me since, easily. I can't sing, but I'm fine with that. I'm not emotionally invested in my singing ability like I am with my writing ability.

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective?

Maybe a little? I feel like a lot of my characters are based on different parts of my own psyche, so really I'm just leaning into those. Because of that, writing about them has made me more accepting of different parts of my own identity.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

I'm only on Tumblr at the moment. I don't intend to put my writing anywhere else because I feel like sites like AO3 aren't really made for original fiction.

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it?

Not on AO3, but I just did the math and between three Honor's Outcasts books and two and a half Mortal God books, I'm at 644,000 words. Add up all the miscellaneous short stories I have floating around and I'd put myself at an even 650,000. Not bad!

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably?

The Name of the Wind was the first book that really showed me what could be done with prose. I don't care that the third book is never coming out, Kingkiller Chronicles will always have my heart <3

The Foundryside Trilogy is an underrated series that basically inspired Mortal God. It weaves fantasy and sci-fi perfectly, has some of the best villains I've ever read, and the ending still makes me sick to think about. Which is a compliment.

And, of course, the Stormlight Archives massively inspired my worldbuilding. I always strive for the layer of depth and strength of character found in those books.

9. What’s the highest compliment you’ve ever been given, and have you been given it?

The best comment I've ever gotten isn't exactly a compliment. One of my beta readers once commented on a weak metaphor, "You can do better, you started with a symphony." That really stuck with me for some reason. It reminds me that I do have the capability to write beautifully, and that I shouldn't settle for anything less.

10. What defines your writing style?

I've been told my narration is very conversational, cut through with fanciful descriptions. I've also been told the voice of whichever character I'm writing from the POV of tends to slip through into my writing style. Descriptions in Sepo's chapters are darker and more grim, the narration of Ivander’s chapters gets more sarcastic, Twenari’s chapters focus more on the smaller details, the voice of Astra’s chapters has some more of that country flair, and so on and so forth.

I'll tag @fantasy-things-and-such @wyked-ao3 @rotting-moon-writes @finchwrites and anyone else who wants in :)

[auspex]

Pls help <3

* the aftermath one has a lot of progress done, rlly just needs cleanup but i was originally thinking id want to finish his journals first cause theres not a lot of context for stuff

[boxfullaturtles]

Kingdom Hearts Rise AU

Michelangelo Hamato The youngest brother wields magic with incredible skill and proficiency. Combined with his speed and acrobatics, Mikey is a lethal force on the battlefield and not one to be underestimated. His youthful outlook and wide-eyed wonder belie a strong emotional intuition and an even stronger heart whose light reaches out to help and support those in need. He’s a firecracker on the battlefield, his speed on par with Leo’s. His magic is devastating and capable of doing damage over a large area, decimating weaker foes. He’s primarily a long range fighter, working to pin the enemy down so his brothers can close in for a truly wicked series of blows.

Keyblade: Solarflare A Keyblade with a long reach that provides a substantial boost in Magic. Strength: +2 Magic: +8 Length: Long Ability: Magic Galvanizer: Increase the damage done with magic in proportion to the length of the combo.

[extra details under cut]

Team Attacks: + Leonardo: Shooting Star Team up with Leo and launch fireballs through his portals, casting them all over the battlefield, then finish them off with a gigantic Thunder spell.

+ Raphael: Fists of Fire Team up with Raph, coating his fists in flames and riding on his shell as he charges through enemies before finishing them off with an explosive ground pound attack that sends shock waves across the ground.

+ Donatello: Bombs Away! Team up with Donnie and ignite a giant rocket, riding it around and plowing into enemies, then end it all by launching the rocket into the sky, leaping off before it crashes back to earth and explodes.

+ April: Mystic Mayhem Team up with April to link magic and spin around the battlefield like a dance, gliding on air while launching spells in every direction, then finish with an eruption of magic.

+ Casey: Danger Days Team up with Casey to let him rail grind on magic chains, slicing through any nearby enemies before directing lightning down the chains to channel into his Keyblade for a final blow.

----------

More stuff about KH Rise Mikey:

- He swims but very badly and prefers to avoid water if he can help it.

- The most powerful mage out of his teammates, Mikey is capable of combining his spells to cast two at once, often creating deadly combos like Fire-Wind or Lightning-Ice. In the future, he might be able to cast the highest tiers of magic without the cost it would take from most wielders.

- Solarflare sounds like rattling chains when it strikes enemies and its particle effects are grinning little balls of flame, sparks like embers, and little green stars and circles. It is always slightly warm to the touch and the symbols on the end glow softly.

- Mikey’s outfit is specifically designed to allow him to pull into the safety of his shell, since it’s something he does frequently and often uses to his advantage in battle.

- He sometimes gets a little cocky and overconfident in battle, especially when he’s winning. Although unlike Leo, he tends to be immediately humbled by any mistake he makes.

- Chronicles their travels and keeps track of their story (like Jiminy does in the KH games). Fills the pages of his journals with plenty of sketches and photographs. Sometimes adds souvenirs from worlds they’ve been to like pressed flowers, stickers, or scraps of paper or fabric.

- His temper is legendary but rarely seen. Few have ever lived to tell of its unleashing.

- Mikey has an extremely good (and very mature) understanding of the heart. Of all his friends, he’s the only one that seems to really understand that a heart is a thing of balance and that Light cannot exist with the Dark, and that Light can be just as vicious and cruel as Dark. He struggles to conceptualize this in a way that he can explain to others and the frustration of his failure to communicate (and the stigma against Darkness) drives him to keep it to himself. He hasn’t mastered his own Darkness by any means and actually has a hard time dealing with it himself. Just because he understands it, doesn’t mean he knows how to execute it.

- That being said, when it comes to matters of the heart and, indeed, feelings, there’s no one better to turn to than Mikey. Or rather, Dr. Feelings. He’s as blunt as ever and will tell you exactly what you need to hear, even if you don’t want to.

- Yen Sid and Merlin believe that, with the right tutelage, Mikey could do far more than simply cast spells. They see great things for him in the future...

[generationlosscorkboard]

SOMETHING IS HAPPENING TO CHRONOS-

Yes hi hello I'm back after ghosting for a bit lmao-

OKAY so. One of the main things we know about the Chronicle Zero Stuff is that it is dated the same as the posts are, only in the year 19XX. So we're essentially getting live updates.

We haven't had an update in a WHILE.

The Chronicles are Journals, that much is known, and as an attempted journal keeper myself (keyword being attempted) there are two main reasons for why that might be:

Reason Number One:

they simply forgor-

Which is a mood. Sometimes you just stop and then don't for ages. But THATS BORRRINGGGGG.

I prefer the second reason, as it's the entire basis of me making this post.

Reason Number Two:

SHIZ IS GOING DOWN RIGHT NOW.

in a prior post I theorised that Chronos is currently avoiding some real important event that was the "eight months" ago thing. Hero's journey, refusing the call, yadayadayada.

Following that, I suggested that whatever event is being ignored does not LIKE being ignored, and Chronos is going to go through some real world shaking experience. Something that CANT be ignored, and is going to kick off the more TSE Episode Three-esc equavalent events for our buddy Chronos.

Which, as I realised whist thinking about it on a walk today, is PROBABLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

Ranboo stated that Chronicle Zero is about to get oh so much more, and I think that that's going to be the aftermath of whatever Zero's currently going through.

This isn't the calm before the storm. The storm is already here, and we're right in the centre of it.

[fortheloveofwonderland]

A Chuisle Mo Chroi (Pulse of My Heart) | Ralvez

A Chuisle Mo Chroi (pronounced Mu Kooish-La Mu Kree) Irish term for Pulse of my Heart.

Summary - Spencer chronicles his unrequited love for his best friend in the form of letters to his mom. But when she meets the person Spencer has detailed to her, what happens when she inadvertently confesses her son's feelings for him?

A/N - Yes I mixed up the timeline. Just pretend the episode “300” happened after the episode “Luke”. Prison arc didn’t happen but Spencer’s mom was still moved to DC and Spencer still starts teaching. Also I don’t speak Irish. I googled terms of endearment from around the world and enjoyed this one the most. Thank you my darling @sassymoon for being my beta!

Anon request - Hi! Since you opened your requests I wanted to ask if you could write a sweet fluff fic/blurb for Spencer x Luke with them confessing their feelings and maybe having their first kiss? ❤️

Pairing - Spencer Reid x Luke Alvez

Category - fluff

CW - unrequited love, pinning Spencer, references to 1406 “Luke” and 1401 “300”, a single F-bomb, case related stuff, bisexual Spencer, first kiss.

WC - 5.4K

Spencer Reid loathed the term momma’s boy. Sure, he was close to his mom, when you grew up without a dad you clung to what you had left. Even if his mom didn’t recognise him half of the time, she was the only person in the whole world who understood him. When she was lucid at least.

Throughout high school all the much older kids had always referred to him as such due to the fact he spent so much time at home. What they didn’t know was that he spent all that time at home because he was looking after his mother. But he never told them as much, he’d rather them call him that than admit the truth to them. 

When he moved to Virginia to join the BAU he wrote her a letter every single day. He told her everything, all the ins and out of the team, vague case details without getting graphic. He documented his meals, what books he’d read and everything else he could jam onto the page. 

Over time life got in the way. His letters started becoming weekly, then monthly until the point when he’d forget the last time he’d put pen to paper and sent his mother one of the letters she loved so much. 

He had to make more of an effort. She adored his letters, it allowed her to feel like she was there with him, embarking on his adventures alongside him. Spencer often thought they might be her last tangible grip on reality. So regardless of how tired he was, how busy he was, he ensured he would try to sit down at least once a week and write his mother a letter. 

As of late his letters had revolved mostly around one topic, giving Spencer the opportunity to get his feelings out on paper so as to never have to admit them out loud. He was sure he’d written research papers shorter than the letters he was penning these days, and he was sure given his moms declining mental state she wasn’t reading them and if she was, she would surely not remember anything he had to say in those pages. 

It was cathartic, almost like keeping a journal. He found the words flowed so easily when he had that particular subject matter on his mind. 

We were on a case in New York this week, as usual I won’t go into detail. We caught the guy though, you’ll be pleased to know. 

On the second day we were in the police precinct in Central Park and we both went to reach for a case file at the same time. Their hand brushed against mine and I swear I heard fireworks going off somewhere. Which is absurd because it was the middle of the day and of course there weren’t fireworks going off. But it happens a lot. 

When they look at me I’m sure I can feel my IQ level drop in half. When they smile at me it’s like the whole world lights up. And those accidental touches make my heart race and make me feel giddy. 

I know I’ve spent a lot of time in these letters talking about them recently and I’m sorry if it’s boring you. But I think I’m falling in love, mom, and I don’t know who else to talk to about it. Scratch that, I am in love and that terrifies me because they don’t look at me that way. 

They’re one of my best friends, my teammate. I don’t even know if they like…it doesn’t matter. I just know I should not be feeling this way about them and I have to get these thoughts out of my head. I’m sure you’re not even reading these so you’ll never know anyway, but I feel lighter for having written it down. But just in case you do read these, I’m too scared to say their name. 

Most letters read in the same vein. Spencer’s unrequited love was clouding his brain, causing him to be slower at making deductions and he feared it would hinder his work. Writing down his inane thoughts helped. Even if no one was reading them. 

***

Hey mom, 

Me again. We got back from a case in Ohio yesterday and Rossi invited us all over his place. 

You know me, I’m not a big drinker, I had two glasses of wine but that was enough for me. Also I don’t trust myself around them when alcohol is involved, inebriation would loosen my tongue and I’m worried about what I might say. Those kinds of confessions are only for my letters. 

They had quite a bit to drink though, I was watching them. I’m always watching them, it’s like I can’t stop myself. But I swear every time I looked up at them, they were looking right back at me smiling. 

They even found me on the back patio while I was getting some air. 

“Hey Spence, what are you doing out here?” 

That’s what they said. There’s something about people calling me by nicknames that makes my heart soar. There’s no scientific data to back that up, love is all in the brain not the heart. It’s simply my brain releasing oxytocin and vasopressin, giving me a surge of positive emotions every time I see them. 

Or hear them call me Spence. 

“Just getting some air.” I told them, trying to ignore the way they were looking at me.

I don’t know how to describe it, it was like they were seeing me for the first time, really seeing me. It was as though the alcohol actually helped them see clearer, the way they looked at me, I just can’t describe it. But for a split second, I actually believed they might feel the same about me. Of course that was completely foolish of me to think but just for a moment I allowed myself to succumb to the fantasy. 

“I uh…I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

When they said that and stepped closer to me, I’m sure I saw a hint of nerves in their eyes and my breath caught in my throat. But then it got even stranger. 

“Oh, you’ve got something…let me.” 

Then they reached forward and brushed something off of my cheek. We’ve touched accidentally before but I think that might be the first time they’ve done it deliberately. I wish I could accurately describe to you the way their fingertips felt as they brushed against my skin but I’m not sure there are enough words in the English language. Or in any of the other languages I can speak. 

There is a saying I recently learnt which comes close. It’s an Irish term “a chuisle mo chroi” which essentially translates to “pulse of my heart.” That’s what they feel like. They are a part of what keeps me alive. It’s the only thing I know how to say in Irish, but it seemed fitting. 

Anyway, they never did get to tell me what it was they wanted to say because someone else joined us on the patio and soon we all called it a night. 

I’ll never forget the look in their eyes though. 

All my love,

Spencer

***

Hey mom,

Another letter for you. I realised recently I’ve spent so much time talking to you about a certain person and I don’t remember the last time I asked you how you were doing. I’m sorry for that. How are you? How is Bennington? I hope to get time to visit you soon. 

We had a pretty rough case recently, one that affected someone on the team personally. I won’t give you a prize for guessing who. 

I’ve never seen them like this before, I was genuinely scared they would do something to jeopardise their place on the team. They lost an old friend in the process and I’m scared it might tip them over the edge, that there may be no coming back from this for them. 

It’s not my job to comfort them though, as much as I wish it was. I’m sitting here at my desk after everyone else has left for the night writing this letter so I don’t go after them. Because they already have a person to be their shoulder to cry on, and it isn’t me. 

I think I’ve failed to tell you that before and maybe I just didn’t think it was necessary or maybe it was a deliberate choice, I’m not sure. They already have their own a chuisle mo chroi which makes my feelings even more redundant. 

Thus far I’ve done a really good job at not allowing myself to dwell on these feelings except for when I write you these letters. But lately they’ve started to consume me and I don’t know how to make it stop.

They are all I think about. When I’m at home alone, I imagine what they are doing and it makes me sad. They’re probably cooking dinner for their partner, maybe cuddled up on the couch watching a movie or maybe even in bed…I won’t finish that trail of thought. 

It hurts me to see them everyday and know they will never be mine. I value our friendship too much to risk losing it all over these feelings I have for them but I worry those feelings are slowly destroying my soul. They’re right there, right in front of me and I can’t have them. I never will. They will never be mine. 

I’m sorry about this. If you’re reading these I hope my words don’t make you worry. I’m fine, really, I’m just having a hard time right now. But I’ll be ok, I always bounce back don’t I? 

I love you mom, speak soon. 

Spencer 

***

Hey mom,

Sorry I haven’t written in a while, things got really crazy. I won’t go into detail because I don’t want you to worry about me but…

…you aren’t reading these letters, I know you’re not. So I suppose it doesn’t really matter if I go into detail. 

I was abducted. Kidnapped. We arrested a cult leader and failed to see that one of his disciples worked for the FBI. She took Garcia, and I tried to save her, because you taught me to be the kind of man that does that. But it resulted in her taking me too.

If you are, on the off chance, reading these, I need you to know I’m ok. I’ve got some bruises but I’m mostly ok. If it wasn’t for the team I might not have been, the cult wanted to make me their three hundredth victim. 

For as long as I live, I will never forget the way they looked at me after I was unstrapped and helped down the steps. They ran to me, panic written all over their face and if I didn’t know any better I might actually think they had tears in their eyes. 

“Oh my god, you’re ok.” 

They sounded as worried as they looked and then their hand was on the side of my face, gently stroking my bruised cheek. 

“I thought…I didn’t think…” 

It was as though they physically couldn’t get the words out. I was so hyped on the adrenaline of coming close to death that I didn’t realise it until later. 

“I’m ok. I’m ok.” I assured them although I’m not sure why I was doing the assuring. 

And then they flung their arms around my neck and pulled me so close, held me so tightly for a moment I couldn’t breathe. I was so close I could feel their erratic heartbeat and they buried their face into my neck and panted against my skin. 

For a second I was dumbfounded. I just stood there frozen. But eventually I wrapped my arms around their waist relished in the moment because I knew it wouldn’t last. And as expected, a few seconds later we were torn apart by someone calling our names. 

Is it wrong that I’d go through that whole ordeal again just to get them to hold me like that one more time? Is it so utterly absurd to say that almost dying was worth it because having them embrace me like that erased all of the fear?

I felt safe, mom. In their arms I felt safer than I’ve ever felt before. But it only hurt worse when they let go and pretended nothing had happened, following the rest of the team away. 

Unrequited love is the worst feeling in the whole world. You’d think I could handle it given everything I’ve been through. But honestly, I think it’s worse than anything any unsub has ever done to me. I really don’t know how more I can take, mom. 

I don’t know if I can keep working with them and being in love with them. 

Love always,

Spencer 

***

Hey mom, 

You’ll be pleased to know I’m feeling a little better since my last letter. It’s been a few months I know, and I know I promised I’d write every week and I’m sorry. 

I thought my writing down my feelings was helping but it started having the opposite effect. I decided to take a little time away from the BAU after everything that happened with the cult. I came to an agreement with the bureau to split my time between case hours and teaching classes at the university. I’m doing much better, my head is clearer and I’m not pining quite as much as I was the last time I wrote to you. 

It’s still hard sometimes but I’ve learnt to live with the fact the object of my desire will never love me back. We remain friends, best friends, but that’s all it will ever be. And I’m ok with that. It’s just how it was meant to be. 

I’ll come and visit you soon, I have more free time when I’m teaching. I’ll be sure to bring you some books and there’s a great little cafe I’ve discovered near the university that sells the best…

“Hey man, what are you doing?” 

A voice snapped Spencer away from his trail of thought and he lifted the pen from the paper and looked up to see Luke Alvez standing over his desk. 

“Oh, just writing to my mom.” He quickly scrambled to hide the letter from prying eyes even though most people struggled to read his chicken scratch, as Garcia dubbed it. 

“Isn’t she living in DC now? I thought you said-“

“Yeah she is.” Spencer cut him off, stuffing the paper in his satchel. “But I uh…I forget all the things I want to say to her when I visit so I like to write it down.” 

Luke was smiling at him, the kind of smile that Spencer often found himself lost in. The kind of smile he’d spent hours writing about in great detail to his mom. 

“I’d like to meet her.” He leant against Spencer’s desk, seemingly not in a hurry to go anywhere. 

“You would? Why?” Spencer frowned which made Luke chuckle. 

“You talk about her so much I already feel like I know her. It would be nice to meet the woman behind the genius.” 

Spencer didn’t think having his mom meet Luke was a good idea. Although even if she read his letters and remembered them, he’d never specified who he was talking about. But his mom knew him so well, surely if she saw the two of them together she’d be able to tell exactly how Spencer felt about Luke. Spencer wasn’t known for his subtlety. And even in her less lucid moments, Diana Reid was extremely astute. 

But nonetheless Spencer found himself nodding. 

“Uh…ok. Sure. I guess that wouldn’t be a problem.” He frowned a little. “I’m going to see her this weekend if we don’t get pulled away somewhere.” 

“I’m in.” Luke beamed brighter than Spencer had ever seen. 

“You uh…you don’t have plans with Lisa?” 

Luke chuckled, leaning forward and patting Spencer’s shoulder. 

“I know you’re not here all the time, Doc, but have you been living under a rock? Lisa and I split up months ago.” 

Spencer hated the way his heart seemed to do somersaults in his chest at this. How had he missed that? Had he been so consumed in the overwhelming unrequited love he was feeling that he’d completely missed what was going on around him? 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Spencer hoped his voice didn’t give away how unsorry he was. 

“It’s ok, these things happen. She wasn’t a, uh, good fit for me.” His eyes seemed to sparkle as he spoke but Spencer didn’t know why. He chose to ignore it. “You heading out?” 

“Yeah, sure.” Spencer nodded, grabbing up his things and shutting off his computer before following Luke over to the elevators. 

And he only had a handful of heart palpitations in the process.

***

The weekend rolled around without a case and as promised, Luke accompanied Spencer to visit his mom. 

Spencer made a point of not hanging out with Luke outside of work, not unless the rest of the team were involved anyway. Over the years Luke had asked Spencer to grab a beer with him on multiple occasions but Spencer always made up an excuse as to why he couldn’t go. 

He knew it was only due to the fact that he was the only other guy on the team around the same age as Luke. Although that did offer up some confusion as to why he still asked even after Simmons joined the team. Maybe because Matt was married with kids, Spencer didn’t have anyone to go home to, much like Luke, until he’d met Lisa anyway. And once he met her, the invitations stopped coming. 

Luke picked Spencer up at ten am on the dot, just like they’d planned, he even brought Spencer coffee from his favourite coffee shop down the street with the perfect amount of sugar. If he wasn’t already smitten with this man, he would have been now. 

Luke drove and they listened to the radio as they travelled to Diana’s facility, giving Spencer something to focus on that wasn’t the close proximity to Luke he found himself in. They made idle chit chat, it wasn’t lost on Luke how Spencer wouldn’t look at him. 

When they pulled up in the parking lot of Diana’s facility, Luke cut the engine and turned to face the younger man. 

“Does this make you uncomfortable? If you don’t want me to meet her I can just wait in the car.” Luke questioned him. 

“No, no I can’t ask you to do that after you’ve driven me out here.” Spencer shook his head.

“I don’t mind. It’s nice to actually spend some time with you outside of work.” Luke felt his cheeks burning as he spoke. 

Spencer frowned, noticing the way Luke reddened although he wasn’t sure why. 

“I’m just worried what state she might be in. I don’t want you to meet her if she’s erratic. And as of late she’s been like that quite a lot. She barely even knows who I am half of the time.” Spencer changed the subject. 

“How about I come in with you and I’ll hang back while you see how she is. If she’s not in a good state I’ll wait in the car.” Luke’s blush faded and he smiled at Spencer. 

“Yeah, I guess that works.” He nodded, quickly getting out of his seatbelt and exiting the car. 

Luke followed him across the parking lot and up the front steps of the building. He noticed the way Spencer clenched and unclenched his hands at his sides as he walked and it only then occurred to him what this must be like for him. It must take its toll, never knowing what state he would find his mother in, never knowing if his own mom would recognise him until it was too late. 

Luke prayed in his head that today his mother would know who he was. He didn’t want Spencer to suffer that embarrassment with him here to witness it. 

Spencer went on ahead into the day room while Luke hung back. He’d never been overly religious, not the way his parents were anyway, but what took place next might just make a believer out of him after all. 

He watched Spencer tentatively approach the woman Luke recognised from the photograph on his desk. She was in an armchair in the window, her head in a book so much like her son. She looked up when she heard movement, looking up at the man standing before her. A few seconds passed before she suddenly leapt to her feet, throwing her arms around Spencer.

“Spencer!” Luke heard her call. “Oh how I’ve missed you.” 

The size of the smile that broke out in Luke’s face could only be beaten by Spencer’s own. Spencer hugged his mother back while Luke watched, his heart feeling like it was floating out of his body. When the hug ended, Spencer turned to Luke with a smile and motioned him over. 

“Mom, this is my friend Luke. Luke Alvez. We work together at the BAU.” Spencer tried to keep his expression as neutral as possible as he introduced Luke. 

“It’s so nice to meet you Mrs Reid, I’ve heard so many things about you.” Luke held out his hand which Diana shook. 

“Luke…” she mused as the three of them took a seat. “I’m sure Spencer has told me about you but the name doesn’t ring a bell.” 

“Sure it does mom, I’ve told you about the whole team.” Spencer hated using his mothers memory loss to his advantage because she was right, he’d never mentioned Luke, not by name anyway. 

“Well if you say you have, you must have.” She gave Spencer a look that told him she didn’t believe him. 

“How are you finding it here in DC?” Luke spoke, sensing a strange tension between mother and son and trying to ease it. 

“Oh you know, dear, a nuthouse is a nuthouse, no matter the city.”

“They prefer the term psychiatric facility, mom.” Spencer rolled his eyes. 

A nurse came over and offered them drinks. Diana opted for chamomile tea, they didn’t encourage coffee drinking for the residents, while Spencer and Luke both took the caffeine route. Once the three of them were alone, Spencer spoke again. 

“This is the best I’ve seen you in a long time. You seem…clear.” He said for lack of a better word.

“I feel clear.” Diana nodded with a soft smile that Luke thought was the spitting image of her sons. “The doctors say it won’t last but it’s a nice reprieve.” 

“I can only imagine.” Spencer sniffed a little and Luke couldn’t help but reach out and place his hand on his arm. 

Spencer turned to look at him, unshed tears behind his eyes. Diana looked between them, a small smirk tugging at her lips as she watched the way her son and Luke looked at each other. 

“Friends you say?” Diana spoke up, causing Luke to quickly pull his hand away. 

“Yes.” Spencer nodded, swallowing thickly. Really good friends.”

“Some might even say best friends.” Diana shook her head in amusement. “Sorry my memory is not what it used to be. So you met at work?”

“Yeah, I’ve been at the BAU for almost three years now.” Luke answered. 

“What did you do before?” 

“Mom, it’s not the Spanish Inquisition.” Spencer scolded her. 

“It’s ok.” Luke laughed with a shake of his head. “Before the BAU I worked for the Fugitive Task Force, man hunting I suppose. And before that I was in the military, the 75th Rangers.”

“You served overseas?” 

“Yeah, I did a tour in Iraq and a couple in Afghanistan.” 

“Your father was a soldier.” Diana didn’t ask, she stated. She always had been good at reading people. 

“He was, yes.” Luke smiled, so many things about Spencer making so much sense now he’d met his mother. 

“Ok, can we stop grilling my friend now?” Spencer interjected. 

“It’s not grilling, Crash, it’s getting to know him. He’s clearly important to you.” Diana spoke like she was speaking to a small child. 

Spencer couldn’t help the blush that spread to his cheeks and he tried to hide it from Luke and looked down at his lap. 

“Yeah he’s important to me, he’s my friend.” He emphasised the last word. 

“Do you know you’re the first “friend” Spencer has ever brought to meet me?” She used air quotes around the word friend and Spencer wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

“Mom!” He cried in exasperation. 

“What? It’s true.” She shrugged, not perturbed by Spencer’s tone. 

Thankfully their drinks were brought over and Spencer managed to direct the conversation onto literature and what she’d been reading lately. 

Luke took a backseat just content to listen. Spencer wouldn’t make eye contact with him anymore and Luke didn’t know why. He thought he was missing something but he just couldn’t pinpoint what. 

**

After a few hours of conversation with Diana she started to get tired and the boys decided to let her rest. Spencer excused himself to use the bathroom before the drive back into the city. 

Once they were alone together, Diana’s eyes sparkled as she looked at Luke. 

“So you must be the one.” She clapped her hands together in excitement. 

“The one?” Luke’s brows knitted together. 

“The one in Spencer’s letters!” She looked so pleased, not deterred by Luke’s obvious confusion. “Oh I must have hundreds of them detailing this mystery person. But it has to be you. You’re the best friend my son is in love with.” 

Luke felt his breath hitch in his throat as he stared at the older woman in shock. The combination of the schizophrenia and altzeimers often made her confused, that’s all this was. Luke just had to be delicate in how he approached this, not wanting to call her crazy to her face. 

“Uh…I don’t think so.” He tried to laugh it off. “Maybe you’re mistaken?”

“Oh no, Spencer is very clear in his letters about being in love with his best friend. A member of the team.” She leant forward, her elbows on her knees. 

“Uh…he might be talking about JJ. Definitely not me.” Luke shook his head. 

“My son is incredibly smart.”

“He is.” Luke agreed. 

“If he were talking about a woman he would have said she. But in every single letter he used gender neutral pronouns. He wouldn’t do that unless…” she trailed off, eyes sparkling at Luke. 

“Spencer isn’t…I uh, I don’t think that he’s…” he scratched the back of his neck. 

“Don’t worry, dear. He never came out to me either. But a mother always knows.” She tapped the side of her nose. 

Before Luke could reply, not that he knew how to reply, Spencer returned, offering Luke a smile. 

“Are you ready to go?” 

“Yeah, sure.” Luke nodded, pushing himself to his feet. “It was nice to meet you Mrs Reid.” 

“Oh please,” she smirked, standing and pulling Luke into a tight embrace. “Call me Diana.” 

Spencer hugged his mom goodbye and soon the two were leaving again. They made it out to the front of the building and as Spencer was heading towards the parking lot, Luke’s voice stopped him in his tracks. 

“Your mom told me about your letters.” 

Spencer’s back straightened and he took a breath before he slowly turned back to face Luke. 

“Letters?” He tried to buy himself some time. 

“Yeah.” Luke took a few steps closer to him. “The ones where you told her about your best friend who you're in love with.” 

“Ah.” Spencer sighed. “Those letters.” 

“I tried to tell her it was probably just JJ.” Luke looked suddenly serious, his jaw set. 

“Uh yeah.” Spencer nodded. “You got me. I’m in love with JJ. Really awkward, please don’t tell anyone.” 

Spencer turned to leave again but then Luke’s hand was circling his wrist, keeping him in place. 

“You didn’t use gender specific pronouns.” 

“So?” 

“So why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know.” Spencer shook his head. It was no wonder Luke was so good at getting criminals to confess to their crimes because he was making Spencer want to confess too. 

“Yeah, you do.” Luke shrugged. “You never told me you were gay.” 

“I…I’m…not?” Spencer sighed, scrunching his nose. “Bisexual maybe? I don’t really know what I’d call it, which I guess is why I’ve never told anyone.” 

“So you’re in love with a guy, who is your best friend and that you work with?” Luke clarified. 

“It would seem so.” Spencer felt his heart start to race. “And I inadvertently outed myself to my mother and then to you. So it’s a good day to be me.” 

“I mean that only leaves three people.” Luke’s brow furrowed. “You’re not that close to Matt, and I would think Rossi was too old for you.” 

“Would you believe me at all if I said it was Anderson?” 

“Your mom didn’t know my name.” Luke seemed to ignore him, stepping even closer to him. “Your mom didn’t know my name because you never mentioned it did you? You spoke about me but never said my name.” 

“Fuck,” Spencer hung his head. “Fine, the secrets out, ok? God I didn’t even think she was reading those letters!”

Luke swallowed and raised his hand to cup Spencer’s jaw, lifting his face so he would look at him. 

“What are you trying to say, Spence?” 

Spencer tried to ignore the way his heart did a cartwheel at the way Luke was touching him and the use of his nickname. 

“Please just keep in mind that I don’t want to lose you ok? You’re one of my best friends and I don’t want things to be weird between us.” Tears swam in his eyes. 

“Just say it.” Luke croaked. 

“I…goddamnit,” his first tear fell. “I’m in love with you, Luke. I’m sorry.” 

“Why are you sorry?” Luke kept his hand on Spencer’s face. 

“Because I just ruined our friendship, right?” 

Luke surprised him when he laughed, moving even closer still to him. 

“You know you aren’t the only one who talks to their mom about their secret crush?” Luke chuckled with a shake of his head. “Only I’m not shy in mentioning his name.” 

“You…I…I don’t understand.” Spencer mumbled. 

“Yes you do.” Luke laughed again. “You’re a genius right?” 

“Quantifiably.” 

“Well then, what are the facts telling you, Spence? All those times I asked you out for drinks, the way I can’t keep my eyes off of you when you’re in a room. The way I can’t stop looking at your lips right now…” Luke inhaled sharply. “What do those things tell you?” 

“I…I have a theory.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Hmm.” Spencer nodded. 

“Wanna test it out?” 

“Most definitely.” 

Luke chuckled again before closing the small space between them, and still keeping his hand cupped around Spencer’s jaw, he kissed him. 

Spencer whimpered against Luke’s lips, his knees buckling beneath him. The kiss was gentle but filled with so much longing it almost took Spencer’s breath away. 

It was only brief and when Luke pulled away he was smiling at Spencer from ear to ear. 

“I love you too, by the way.” He shrugged. 

Spencer made another whimpering sound and couldn’t help himself but lean in and kiss Luke again, slightly deeper this time. Luke wrapped him in his arms and held him close. 

“A chuisle mo chroi.” Spencer mumbled against his lips. 

“What is that?” Luke replied. 

“It’s Irish. Don’t worry about it.” 

Luke chuckled, kissing him again before leaning his forehead against Spencer’s. 

“Mi vida.” Luke whispered, stroking back Spencer’s messy hair. 

“I speak Spanish, you know? Mi vida means my life, romantically speaking.” 

“Of course you do.” Luke’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment. 

Spencer let out a small sigh, running his fingers up Luke’s strong bicep, over his shoulder blade and over the base of his neck. 

“A chuisle mo chroi. The pulse of my heart.” He confessed, causing Luke to kiss him once more, so passionately Spencer felt as though he was floating. 

From the window, Diana smiled to herself as she watched the two men on the sidewalk, her heart soaring for her son. She continued to watch for a moment or two, a warm, fuzzy feeling enveloping her as she leant against the window frame and whispered to herself, “A mother always knows.” 

[chroniclesinlavender]

ENTRY 001: Dreams (Part 1)

Isaiah has an alarming dream.

Transcript below:

[Avlin nłzēwok'un nar īdsēravn aryú pi-lizt'n. Má ēzyi'ōf fl cni-lizt'n. (These are the stories known only to the Seraphim. Let not these events be forgotten.)]

???: [strained] Have to... keep it... together... can't stop... need to s-stay... need to foc... focus... have to keep it togETHEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!

ISAIAH: ...and then everything fades away, and I wake up.

[Chronicles in Lavender. Art & Story by Koishi. ENTRY 001: Dreams (Part 1)]

[December 12, 2019. 3:40 PM]

ISAIAH: My heart's always pounding out of my chest, and I can't sleep for the rest of the night. Every single time, it always goes exactly the same. The same place, the same people... and it never feels like I have any control, or I'm really acting on anything. I'm sorta just... watching it happen, I guess.

DR. GARDNER: Do you feel like the date in which you have the dreams could be significant?

ISAIAH: I dunno, your guess is as good as mine. I just happens every month on the full moon. I don't know why or how, it just does. It's been so consistent that I can anticipate it coming. Sometimes, I would stay up all night from the anxiety, then the minute I fall asleep, they happen anyways. I've always had vivid dreams. They feel so real, and I can control them too. Like, like lucid dreaming. But when these dreams happen, I just feel... powerless. Got a pill I can take for that?

DR. GARDNER: I could, but stepping away from medication, I think this might be related to another significant topic we've yet to come back to? Specifically the topic of Tara? And I know it's uncomfortable, but I think at least addressing it may give a better understanding of these recurring nightmares. I think a lot of the themes you've described to me in your dreams; the lack of control, the sense of urgency, the need to "keep it all together", could all be tied to your trauma regarding your sister's disappearance. A way for your brain to process through the guilt you feel and the grief you're experiencing. Does that sound about right?

ISAIAH: [shrugs]

DR. GARDNER: It's hard, having to go through that. It feels impossible to carry that weight on you all of the time, but it's important to remind yourself that Tara's disappearance is not your fault. It may seem selfish, but some things are out of our control. So it's better to grieve and find a way to move forward. At the end of the day, your own mental health is something that you have to put first, or things like this will keep affecting you. Of course, we can move on if you'd like. How have your exercises been going?

ISAIAH: Oh... uh... I've been trying, and I've been goin outside more, too.

DR. GARDNER: That's good to hear! Tell me more about how that's been working for you.

ISAIAH: [in journal] Log date: 12/19/2019. 4:28 PM. I've just concluded my therapy session for this week. We talked about the usual stuff, depression and meds and self-affirmation. I brought up the dreams, but that ended up leading back to Tara. It's been four years since she disappeared. I've been trying not to think about it. It's jut too much right now. I though by now I'd at least be better about it. That I wouldn't feel so awful. I guess I don't, but I just feel nothing instead. I dunno if that's better or worse. Rather not dwell on all of that now. Either way, I'm hoping that this night'll be over soon. I hate these stupid dreams, it's like a puzzle and I'm missing a billion pieces to it. If I go to bed early, I can at least get the dreams out of the way. Or I'm hoping to. Not much to hope for as of late.

[some time later]

ISAIAH: Yo LiLi.

AMALIAH: Yoooo Isaiah, me and Andre gonna be stayin out for the night. We're hangin w/ some friends.

ISAIAH: Yeah sure, aight. How come you didn't text?

AMALIAH: Cuz I'm drivin? fuck you mean?? And you take, like, hours to text back.

ISAIAH: Yeah yeah nah, good point... Okay, I'll text if I need somethin-

AMALIAH: Whoa hold up, you good cuz? You sound like shit. Still gettin them weird dreams? I know it's a full moon tonight.

ISAIAH: yeah, but I also had therapy today, so I'm like, emotionally-drained.

AMALIAH: Goootcha gotcha. Well if you need me, just text. Aight I gotta watch the road. See you in the mornin, kay?

ISAIAH: Night, LiLi.

ISAIAH: Is anything going to be different? Anything at all? I thought bringing it up at therapy would shed some light on why I keep having these dreams, but of course it all goes back to Tara. I thought I would be fine by now. That I'd find a way to not let what happened mess me up. But I'm still here. Everything around me keeps going, but I'm still here. Still empty... why does it even matter? Maybe this is just it for me... just emptiness and guilt... walking through a haze as life passes me by. I'm so sick of it being this way. I just want something to change... I just want to change.

BUTTERFLY: Why Do You Chase After Me?

ISAIAH: I don't know. I can't remember anymore I've just been... running for so long... Why were you running?

BUTTERFLY: I Was Running From Something As Well, Something Too Hard For Me To Bear. But I Feel As If You Can Help Me Face It.

ISAIAH: How would someone like me be able to help? I'm empty...

BUTTERFLY: You Are Not Empty. You Are An Endless Multitude. And If You Help Me, I Promise To You What You Yearn For The Most.

ISAIAH: ...okay. I can do that.

BUTTERFLY: Then It Is Time For You To Wake Up, Isaiah.

ISAIAH: Something... changed.

[Ēzm̄fl īn-hōn pi-jalzègxa olsl... (To be continued in the next entry...)]