#just a misc writing thing I've been thinking about. I love writing rambles and such

[ftmtfeminized]

You go over to your friend's house, dressed like normal. Dysphoria hoodie, binder, men's boxers, jeans. Their mother opens the door and looks at you.

"Oh, come in! I've wanted to ask you something for a while," and she uses your deadname. It's not unexpected, of course, since their mom is pretty conservative and hasn't supported you through your transition, but it's jarring to hear it.

"She won't be home for a few hours," their mom says, walking into the kitchen as you follow her, "so we have time to chat privately."

"Why are you trying to push gender ideology into my daughter?" She snaps, slamming a hand onto the counter and staring at you coldly through her glasses.

"I- I'm not!" You hold up your hands in surrender, "I respect your political views, why can't you respect mine? I'm not trying to poison her or anything, if she wants to identify as a lesbian, or--or nonbinary, or whatever, then I'm not the one who did it, since I'm a man!"

She narrows her eyes, then turns away and sighs. "You were going to be such a beautiful woman, God's gift was to make you female," and she says your real name. You correct her, but she corrects you back.

She's not a bad looking woman, you suppose, but you're not into conservative middle aged women. Out of nowhere you suddenly blurr out:

"Maybe if you're so convinced I'd make a prettier woman, you should see me in a dress."

Clearly she took you up on the offer, otherwise you wouldn't be standing in front of a mirror wearing a low cut dress that accentuates the hips you tried to hide and pushed up the breasts you desperately wanted to rid yourself of. Somehow you really did look like a girl, your short hair perfectly curled and your makeup done just enough to feminize your androgynous face.

She rested her hands on your shoulders with a smirk, "I can't wait until my daughter sees you. Maybe this is the push she'll need to stop thinking there's something wrong with her."

[monzamash]

a short blurb series inspired by readers.

i am so so excited to make monzamusings a permanent thing on this blog. i've been really inspired by all your messages and although i am ridiculously slow at posting, just know that there are some super exciting drafts sitting in my inbox, waiting for me to have time to work on them. thank you to everyone who has gotten involved so far – and i'm looking forward to seeing some new submissions x

submission rules & info below

submissions are open

the what

i. think of it as a chit-chatty, 'rambling tag' where you can send in a thought or a prompt of your choice and i will write a blurb inspired by your idea ii. the idea could be new or inspired by a past fic that you want more of or it could be as simple as “how do you think this driver would do xyz” iii. they can be spicy, soft, angsty – anything within reason iv. i reserve the right to combine/delete any requests v. these will be short blurbs/fics (under 1k) vi. please do not request smut if you are under 18 what i personally will not write about: virginity, coercion, extreme dominance, gangbangs, self-harm, slash, violence of any kind + the obvious things that i can't even bear to type here but i hope know what i mean x

the who

lando norris carlos sainz charles leclerc kevin magnussen pato o'ward lewis hamilton

the prompts

spicy • spicy soft • soft • soft angst • angst misc • misc • misc

tag — monzamusings ✨ inbox

lots of love 💋

[billowingangel]

Welcome ✧

I've been into hetalia since 2016 and for a while I tried to pretend I didn't like it....And I'm tired of living that lie! So I'm back to thinking, loving, obsessing, and writing about Hetalia.

I also block very freely and I'd rather people be 18+ to interact (since occasionally I may post nsfw/nsft which I will always tag)

I'm currently working on a few fanfictions which you can find on AO3 and FF.net

My favorite character is Canada 🍁 And I ship him with pretty much anyone...and I mean anyone...If that makes you uncomfortable please feel free to block this blog or the tags associated with ships you are uncomfortable with. I may at times reblog problematic ships, I'll add tags for the ship and a cw for the problematic element of the ship. Please take care of your mental health and curate your online space to what is best for you ♡ ˎˊ˗

more information below the canada picture

Wow, you clicked continue reading so here's more annoying stuff about me and this blog (^_^)

I spam reblog, mostly fanart (so many in this fandom are so talented!) and miscellaneous things (memes, random shit, writing tips, etc).

I'll occasionally post some of my own fanfictions (drabbles or links to them)

I also will post my rambling silly thoughts. I have decided to let myself loose and be as annoying authentic as possible here.

Also I will do my best to tag content/trigger warnings but I may forget (memory of a goldfish) so if I do please let me know

Here are some tags I use on this blog to organize (still working on what tags to use) ᯓ★

#art reblog ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡): self explanatory

#hetalia fanart ✨: reblogs of hetalia fanart

#canon tbh: posts that I see as accurate to character's personalities, how I perceive them, and how I think they'd act

#hetalia fanfiction:

#hetalia meme:

#positivity: posts and reblogs that are positiive

#misc: posts that are surprisingly not related to hetalia

#me core: reblogs that I really relate to

#fanfic imagine: imagining a fanfiction and maybe i'll write or finish the idea

#fanfic in progress: my thoughts during the process of writing fanfiction, debating whether I should do this or that, talking about what I plan to do, blah blah

#my fanfic: fanfiction that I have written, usually a link to ao3 but may also be to ff.net

I also mostly tag hetalia characters as hws so if you look up hws canada (for example) you'll be able to see all posts about that character

Some of my favorite posts of mine ┈─★

Now more about me which is why you're reading this (I'm just kidding)

Call me angel or anything really I don't care what I'm called (ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ)

Also please feel free to message me!! I love talking to people but I get a bit hestitant about initiating. My discord is billowingangel if you want to talk there!

I'm 20 years old and I go by she/her pronouns and I'm a lesbian I love me some boobs what can I say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I may be a raging homosexual but I'm also a raging hetaliansexual (joke), I am attracted to so many fictional male characters and shockingly a ton of them are from hetalia (shoot me dead)

I love hetalia if that isn't obvious, it's on my brain a probably disturbing amount what can I say I'm mentally ill. I also like other anime (demon slayer <333, jujutsu kaisen, the witch and the beast, parasyte, etc), doctor who (so happy there's a new season), yuri manga!!, and other shit. I love horrors and thrillers! I rarely watch romantic comedies but I love reading romance in fanfiction ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm working on my own book (probably my 20th book) but I'm hoping to actually finish this one.

I am also working on multiple fanfictions: red means it's completed

off the grid: canada slightly snaps and goes on vacation lol

???:idk what to call it, america, england, and france are all fighting for canada's love and he's oblivious

unhealthy obsession: another country becomes obsessed with canada

Falling for Canada: multiple rarepair oneshots with Canada

My first omegaverse 0.0

a really stupid horror drabble that I posted

amecan week 2024

And I believe that's it~ Maybe I'll add my favorite ships

[misc-obeyme]

Ooo human AU? Seems interesting… what is Barb doing in this human au? Y’know once upon a time I went to this little tea shop thing, do you think Barb would wanna work there? I don’t really know lmao-

I really really wanna like Mammon and I get that he’s a little tsun but it’s just kinda hard for me to like him- I need validation and knowing that the work that I put into a relationship is appreciated, and I feel like with Mammon I would feel insecure or like… does he think I’m annoying, does he just not care about that I wanna be friends? So yea-

I have a deep love for Solomon akdjdjs especially in NB?? I value emotional stability and just like. stability and domesticity in general in my relationships, and they fed us so well with that hehe :3

My sister keeps sending me angst </3 so I’m depressed now yay! But I like torturing myself lol (especially if it’s good angst)

I’ve been trying to learn some k-pop dances!! And. uh. I have never danced before (besides just like random flailing that has no choreo at all) so that’s fun! But hey, it’s not going too bad in my opinion!

Anyways sorry for bothering you with my rambling ^w^

- <3

Ahh, yes I have a few posts about my human!au ideas... they even inspired some amazing fanart! But I haven't gotten to Barb yet... I started with the brothers and I haven't finished them yet. And it was just random ideas, I haven't actually written anything out. You can find them under the tag #misc human au! But also here are some links: this is the first one about Beel, then Belphie & Satan, and lastly Asmo & Mammon.

HOWEVER I have been thinking about Barbatos because of course I have. I've actually thought about two different human!au situations for him. In relation to my general AU as linked above, I'm kinda back and forthing about what I think he'd be doing. This is because I'm not sure what Diavolo is doing in that AU and I think that would impact what Barb is doing. I don't really want him to just be Diavolo's butler but human style, you know? So I'm still ruminating on this one.

But aside from that, I've had an idea about human!AU tea shop Barbatos for ages! So yes, exactly what you're suggesting. I was thinking it would be interesting to explore a story where Barbatos is not in command of time and space, where he's just... a regular person. How would that change his dynamic with MC? What would that look like if they fell in love? How would Barbatos react in a situation where he doesn't have any obligations to a prince or magic or the world at large? He's just a man who runs a tea shop.

Because I think if he didn't have all those things and he was just a human, he would definitely run a tea shop. I like to think of it as a tea shop/bakery hybrid. And of course MC is a regular customer. It's a story I've been thinking about for a while... maybe I should write it lol.

ANYWAY I didn't mean to ramble about this, but as you can see I have many thoughts lol.

It's totally valid not to like Mammon. He has a lot of fans, but he's not for everyone! The trick with him, I think, is to remember that no matter what he says, he's definitely down bad for you. All you gotta do is flirt with him and you'll see - he'll blush like crazy. Or maybe you flirt with one of his brothers just to see him protest. But in the end, if you really need him to be honest with you, all you have to do is ask him when he's alone with you. Every time he's open and honest with MC about his feelings it's when they're alone. It's one of my favorite things about him, personally. I like to imagine MC just being really honest with him and asking him how he feels and when he tells them, he might still be blushing, but he's serious and he means it.

I also think the tsundere thing is more about before he's in a relationship with MC. He has a harder time with it until it's official and he's feeling more secure. Then I think he'd get real clingy real fast and you'd find him glued to your hip lol.

But that's just how I interpret his character! And it's okay not to like a character that a lot of other people do! That's just how it goes sometimes!

Ah, Solomon. I love him, too. I wonder what it'd be like if they gave all the characters this treatment - like, if each character lived alone with MC for a season it'd almost be like routes, you know? Because you'd get to have that domestic situation with each one of them separately.

That would be interesting, but you know it's never gonna happen lol.

I have to be in the right mood for angst... I think it's pretty obvious that I tend to lean toward fluff. I do like angst, though, especially when it's all wrapped up in complicated emotion relationships... ugh but it also makes me crazy lol!

Ohhh fun! K-pop dances are so fun to watch! I hope you're enjoying learning them! I don't think you need any prior dancing experience! Especially if you're just doing it for fun. Anyway you gotta start somewhere, right?

No worries, you are not bothering me. As you can see, I am something of a rambler myself so don't be sorry!

[syverse]

✶⋆.˚꩜ .ᐟ˙⋆✶ ABOUT ME.ᐟ

꧂ sy ; 18 ; she/her ; famous for being weird and off-putting in a captivating charming way ; currently listening to genesis by grimes

꧂ i've literally had this account for at least 5 years but just decided to start posting on it cause i've been getting back into a lot of my old interests (art, anime, writing) and wanted a platform to share them on as well as connect with others that are passionate about similar things!

꧂ as i said i started posting mainly just to have a place to share, so my posts probably won't be very consistent, i'm also a full-time college student, so that factors into my activity a lot too.

꧂i'd really love to have more people to connect with! that being said, i'm clinically unwell and get really nervous about reaching out to people, so if anyone wants to wear the pants in the relationship and be mutuals i would absolutely love you (sorry for being weird)

꧂pls stop! yourself before judging me i do not claim anything that you might find cringe on my blog because i choose to not perceive that kind of tomfoolery. like my bio states i'm literally just a freak on the internet same as you ok so no need to pass your freakish and unwhimsical criticisms on me thank youuuu im just a girl here to giggle in wonder! same thing goes for trying to spread hate although i am the biggest hater in the universe i will not tolerate drama

꧂i feel like i should apologize in preface to all of my writing for being very ooc, but then again this is my blog and my writing and i choose to live to yolo lifestyle, so if you don't like what i have to say then go the other way! goodbye disagreers! and also since this is my blog i WILL talk to myself. i have much to say about everything ever.

꧂ people who submit literally anything other than the wrong thing (hate) will be kissed. please yap 2 me! my tag for rambling/ responses is #syspeaks xoxox

꧂also which i feel might be most important is that im like a clinical ill perfectionist about myself and literally everything i do. i can get very discouraged when it comes to writing if its not coming out the way i want it to so i mostly end up scrapping a lot of my ideas. now that i've embraced the cr*nge i will definitely try to push myself to revisit my frustrations, but just to let you guys know! i am my biggest enemy!

꧂more on my interests for those who even care:

✩ anime: mha, haikyuu, jjk, mp100, chainsaw man, soul eater, kamisama kiss, death note, kny, hxh and probably a lot more

✩ music: charli xcx, blood orange, cocteau twins, mannequin pussy, wilco, arctic monkeys, pixies, the cure, the strokes, hole, adrianne lenker and at least 500x more (please pmo to your music i can never have enough)

✩ misc: i also draw (and maybe down the line will share that? idk) as i said i go to college so i am a big party girl and uhhh i can't think of anything else and i also LOVE jersey shore currently

꧂lastly! my requests are open but i make no promises to actually fulfilling them

✶⋆.˚꩜ .ᐟ˙⋆✶ TTYL.ᐟ

[appicot]

Rambling about the creative process and trying to be perfect, feel free to ignore this :]

I should say, still very deeply in love with Normal Office as a concept and I still very very much love my characters but honestly? I.......don't. really have a set plot for them. Never really have, I've had like, mini ideas? But I don't know if they will ever come to fruition.

I get incredibly embarrassed talking about my NO characters with people nowadays, mainly just because I've talked about them so much that I'm always stressed about being too ""annoying"" about them (I do know it's utterly silly to think like that, so what if its annoying? I should ramble to my heart's content!). This is a problem because if I'm not actually gonna make any published content about my ocs then how will other people know about them if I just withhold information out of embarassment?

It's also the perfectionist in me that REAAALLLY wants to make stories that other people like but I should focus on making things I really like! Whenever I sit down and go to write a story I instantly try to make it a lot more complex and thought out then it should be, not intentionally it's just a bad habit I suppose. There are plot elements that I've REALLY wanted to include in NO but I've avoided just because I feel like they are too complicated or too simple for other people to enjoy- like time loops. I love time loop stories, I've really been thinking about making the 'basement story' I've been tossing around in my mind into a time loop scenario with Casey and Michael (they are the funniest to write about and with, their dynamic is perfectly awful.)

I also feel like I myself don't understand Normal Office itself; it's not meant to be taken seriously. It's a silly concept; a horrors filled office space with average to weirdo workers within. It's meant to take a LOT of inspo from The Office (duh), Stanley parable, and other misc media I like but instead my brain tries to make things more complicated and knowledgeable. Casey, for example, is weird. He isn't meant to be explainable, he's just there and acts odd, but my brain keeps trying to tell me 'oh well maybe ___ is explained with ___' because for some reason I feel the need to have to have thought out intricate details and knowledge about everything when really I don't. I barely understand Casey, he's just a weird cryptid of a janitor and that's ok! It's okay that things about my characters are unknown to myself too.

Tldr: I like talking about my ocs, but my dumb peanut brain makes me think that I have to be an amazing storyteller to do so

[beepofsleeplessdreams]

thinking out loud about some anime an illustrator i like worked on

so, one of my favorite illustrators (at least, I think that's the right term for him) is yoshitoshi ABe. recently i made the decision to look through a bunch of projects he had a hand in, mostly because i wanted to see what kind of stuff he'd attached himself to over the decades. prior to this i'd only seen Serial Experiments Lain, but i feel like basically everyone's seen that so that's not saying much lol. this was partially spurred on by a friend of mine telling me Texhnolyze was among their favorites. at time of writing, i've finished Texhnolyze and NieA_7, and i'm watching Haibane Renmei on-and-off and loving it. the world is bizarre and beautiful, and the character designs are lovely and have so much personality in my eyes. so that's where i started. so below is a series of rambles and thoughts i've had on this little journey of mine up to this point. i've still got a ways to go.

misc. spoilers for Texhnolyze in the next section

texhnolyze was a show i really enjoyed, but falls into the same pit as serial experiments lain in my brain. i struggle to understand what it's trying to say below the immediate surface and i end up primarily enjoying it as a surface-level product. not to say that i didn't make some connections in my head along the ride, i have so many questions about the world that i want answered, and some really fun observations I made. ichise's conversation with the voice in the chair was something that i had a lot of fun picking apart because it tickled that little goblin in my brain that loves social science. with the whole idea that height relates to authority, the pile of stones bringing images of gods on mountains in myth, but the chair tying all that powerful imagery up in this idea of boredom. apathy of the gods and all that. the entire trip to the surface is something that had me on the edge of the seat, and kinda tied into my greater sci-fi brainrot. that whole idea that one a society stagnates and rots people seek "better times", and this is how you end up with so many space prussians/germans being bad guys in older sci-fi anime like classic gundam and legend of the galactic heroes. it's people clinging to an idea of a """better time""" to larp that they're better than they are. this is what was going through my head during the arc of the story on the surface, whenever i saw that outdated technology that lives only in old b&w movies and period pieces. despite these obversations, i feel like i can't formulate a big picture, this is by no means bad, but i can't help but feel like i'm "missing something". though, this might be rectified in lain's case when i get around to it, it's been close to 10 years since i last watched it.

misc. spoilers for NieA_7

this is one that i don't think i ever heard someone talk about prior to me just plucking it off of ABe's wikipedia page. it's this weird slice-of-life comedy about living in poverty but there's also humanoid aliens that are kinda just around and comically failing to integrate into society. that whole second point, with the aliens, i feel it kinda detracts from a lot from the show's actually really simple and touching heart about just trying to escape being poor. the whole thing is kinda tainted with this mild xenophobia for the sake of "comedy" and the vast majority of the recurring aliens are these really mean-spirited racist stereotypes. eventually i came to ignore the vast majority of that aspect of the show, besides the titular NieA, and focus on the part of it that really spoke to me. the main character, Mayuko, is a young adult working 3 jobs on top of going to cram school in a desperate attempt to get into a good college and escape poverty by getting a """real job""" and a """future""". the reason why i use quotations is the same reason why her character really spoke to me. she was so focused on the mere act of survival and vaguely working towards the future that she never found the time to really think about the future. no plans, no dreams, inching towards a success she has no idea how to capitalize upon. something similar happened to me, personally. i spent the vast majority of highschool and college fighting for good grades and accolades with no other plan than to just get away from a very toxic family situation. and i succeeded. i gave up a social life for the sake of advancing and was rewarded by getting poached right out of college into a fairly comfortable. i moved out 6 months later and subsequently broke down. without that constant pressure of ESCAPE ESCAPE ESCAPE i had this sort of psychological explosive decompression and became incredibly depressed, and almost made some very poor and very permanent decisions. i saw a character that was flying towards the same mistakes i made and i was wondering all along if the show would propose some kind of "solution" that i'd failed to see. it didn't offer anything concrete, but something much simpler that i nontheless really appreciated. a loving promise that things will be okay somewhere, someday. the same sentiment helped me when i needed it. i get that that's corny as hell, but i'm a stupid mushy man-thing. it's a show i really recommend people look at, because while the lows are INCREDIBLY low and mean, the heart is there and beautiful.

[suppuration]

experiencing that "adhd urge to tackle cleaning my bedroom in one whirlwind effort" phenomenon this week

a majority of that effort has been the result of an epiphany that i was getting in "clothing hoarder" territory, with how much i own vs how much i wear. my partner and i split the bedroom 50/50 and i do not exaggerate that a third of my side was packed solid with clothes

it was bad enough that while going through stuff, a solid fourth of it was stuff i had completely forgotten i have, and another fourth of it was stuff i liked enough to buy multiples of so i had a backup when the first one got too worn out (some things, the item was either so cheap and/or i was so in love with them that i had as many as six extra)

i was tired of never having space to even use my side of the room to do more than sleep and use my laptop. of owning a ton of clothes i didn't even necessarily like enough to wear, and a ton more clothes that don't even fit. of owning more crap than i can handle owning

so i formed a rudimentary plan and ran headlong into it. it's been messy, but it's made it lower stress to not have too much structure to my approach beyond a simple "finish one step to completion before moving onto the next." (i would put "simple" in air quotes, but punctuating that would've been awkward. anybody with executive dysfunction can relate to the difficulty of forming and adhering to a granular itinerary)

most of this is rambling, but it might be helpful idk. so far it's looked something like this:

pulling everything out and sorting by like items. putting all duplicates in one bin, and making decisive cuts on which extras i actually need to keep. taking a cursory walk through my definite "yes" pile to see what coords i can make with them

it's made it much gentler for me to have a "yes" bin, a "no definitely not" bin, and a bin for "still thinking about it." (and a fourth bin, but that's the trash can, LOL.) not having to think about it in a black and white "decision now" mentality lets me focus on being brutally honest about whether i love each thing, and whether it's past its prime. yeah i have the skills and tools to repair many types of garment damage, but do i love the item enough to spend the time and effort?

i think the hardest thing has been trying every single thing on to make sure it still fits, and fits in a way i like. it's cruelly hot here. there are some winter things i can barely stand to touch right now, let alone put on my body. i have promised myself that i will revisit the off-season bin when it's on-season... but i did suffer through the fall clothes since that's a majority of my clothing, and it's my favs

having that "maybe" bin has also given me the ability to distance myself from the items and marinate. i looked through my maybes one day later, and found making a concrete yes/no was much easier. like the off-season bin, i have promised myself that i will revisit the "maybes" in six months to see if my feelings on them have changed

which, i cannot emphasize enough. clearly label every bin and bag while you're pruning--and date it!!! that way you'll know the last time you went through that particular bin. i didn't have any lingering receipts or anything to go by, but i know that some of these stored clothes have gone untouched for literally a decade. be kind to yourself and never let yourself say "etc, stuff, or misc" either. if you do that, you will have to open it to know what's in it, every single time. if it's a mixture of things--like scarves, belts, ties--write each thing on it. i also don't recommend a blanket "accessories" label on any "yes" bins for the same reason

it's taken me three days to get this far, and i'm just past halfway going through things i think, but i think i've gotten my clothing possessions down by 30-50% with my first pass over everything

once i have all my definite "no"s culled, i am going to make a second pass over everything in my "yes"es to see if they're all still definitely "yes"es. same with the "maybes." i know i can shrink it all down further, but i need to trim the fat before i can work with the meat, to sound like a butcher for a minute

it's been exhausting and very time consuming, but it's also long overdue and i have multiple spoon-adjacent energy restrictions working against me. sometimes the best self-care you can give yourself is getting rid of what you don't need anymore, so you can appreciate and focus on what you do need and love

(yeah, part of it is me looking for stuff that's in good enough condition to see if i can get a resale shop to take it, money is getting that tight... but god i am drowning in belongings and i cannot stand it anymore nefeysfnstksfnstksfnstksfnstnm)