#juno posts ʚ♡⃛ɞ

[leighcest]

he's all i'm thinkin about!!!

[leighcest]

SAWTOBER DAY 3:

HUNGER.

(massive trigger warning for cannabalism and gore. you have been warned.)

Hunger was Adam's single enemy.

 

The gnawing in his gut got worse as the days went by, until eventually it was louder than his screams.

 

Saying he didn't think about the body in front of him was a lie. Animalistic instincts and a need for something to fill the devouring sensation bubbling in him threatened to take over.

 

Just far enough he has to reach, and just close enough he can. The mental struggle of his actions was worse than the hunger itself.

 

He examined the body. Brains, blood, and bits of skull everywhere. Adam felt sick, and it didn't take long for him to promptly throw up acid in the bathtub. He's not sure how there's still enough content in him.

 

Zepp's skin is discolored. Cold. When Adam pokes it, it is somehow stiff and loose at the time. Sharp, rough breaths are thrown out of his mouth. Cries exit his sore throat as a bitter taste fills his mouth. Adam's not sure if it's the metallicity of his blood from biting his lip or the later. The sensation was enough to make him hurl over.

 

Rinse and repeat.

[leighcest]

SAWTOBER DAY 3: HAUNTED

He sees him everywhere. Out of the corner of his eye, Adam is always there. The reminder of his sins, the shards of remnants of everything he had done.

It lingered like a bad omen or a sickness in the winter.

Lawrence was always acutely aware of him no matter where he went. The bathroom was the one place he could be free from the watching judgeful eye thats trailing over him.

Adam could be an angel sent to watch over him, but Lawrence is plenty familiar with the glare in his eye. The poision Adam spits when he speaks one word sentences to him.

The bitter agony and resent tucked behind his irises, only aware to Lawrence.

His translucent skin, a constant reminder of his absent promise to save him. Lawrence knows Adam isn't happy with him. There's only so far forgiveness goes when paired with curdled vexation. Especially when the man became the sole reason he was gone.

[leighcest]

𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭𝔭𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔠𝔞𝔫𝔬𝔫𝔰<3

୧ everytime gavin invited spink to a party he happened to be out of town. finally, the dates aligned, and gavin begged spink to go. (who was spink to not give in?)

୧ it didn't take long for gavin to immediately get out a stash of coke and enough alcohol to poison a family of five.

୧ an hour or two in, spink shoved gavin out of the house, threw him in his car and drove him home. what's a dui? gavin always comes first. (even if he's at a .75)

୧ one led another and gavin's snorting coke off his chest in their bed while spink presses his cigarette bud against him and watches his eyes roll back.

୧ the night is young, and ages far before they're done. three condoms and one new pair of bedsheets later, they're laying against eachother. gavin's arm reaching out to keep spink against his chest.

୧ the morning after is quiet, filled with stolen glances, long kisses, and gentle touches. gavin gets up first to make breakfast (a tv dinner) for the two of them and spink sneaks off so he can get ready to leave.

୧ gavin catches him and frowns. spink pulls him back into bed for a few more kisses before getting out with a promise of coming back.

[leighcest]

sawtober day 1: lesson<3

It had taken Adam thirty minutes to realize his screaming wouldn't work. That no matter where jigsaw was, he wouldn't answer his pleas.

"You god-complexed fuck! Let me out! I'll be better, I promise!" He screamed so loud that his throat was dry, and it hurt more than the bullet lodged in his shoulder.

"Please! fuck! I'll do anything!"

When Adam wasn't screaming, he was thinking. About Lawrence. Diana, Allison. But his mom and his dad. About his brothers. About his death.

He screams died down into soft sobs and pleads for his life. Begs to prove his wrongs right. Rants that turned into reasons he deserved to stay alive, offering anything he had to scrounge up. Money, silence, anything.

Around the fourth hour, Adam begins to realize no one is coming to save him, and no amount of screaming can prove that he's learned his lesson. He was alone in the dark, left to rot in this room that reflected every mistake he had ever made. The last thing he'll ever she is the regrets and what could've been of his miserable life.

[leighcest]

“ now, how many men have you kissed? ”

“ very few. ”

“ but you offered me a kiss? why? ”

“ such a foolish reason, i'm afraid. i just... wanted to kiss you. ”

[leighcest]

let me clarify once again:

1. YES. I do headcanon that all the Leigh characters are siblings.

2. YES. I also headcanon that in other universes maybe some of them are dating eachother instead of being siblings.

3. NO. leighcest does not exist and is not even a THOUGHT when i hc them as siblings.

4. LEIGHCEST =/= INCEST.

[leighcest]

chainshipping week day 7: free choice<3

—

as always, credits to @/mychem1calbr0mance for the prompt week!! song is sailor song by gigi perez<3!!

—

"i saw her in the rightest way, looking like anne hathaway."

adam would definitely worship lawrence and vise versa

"laughing while she hit her pen and coughed"

guys this is my favorite headcanon but adam deffo would have a vape LMFAOOO lawrence would HATEEEE it.

"begging, 'baby would you please do the things you said you'd do to me?'"

i've seen so many of you horny fucks write submissive adam/lawrence with this line so don't even PLAY when i say this is them

"won't you kiss me on the mouth and love me like a sailor? and when you get a taste can you tell me what's my flavor?"

this line is so deprived gay man who has shoved all of his homosexuality down and then this random man comes and makes him throw it up. them being eachother's first queer relationship makes me just. Ugh. NEVER FORGET WHAT WAS TAKEN FROM US!!

"i don't believe in god, but i believe that you're my savior."

apprentice!lawrence who has a savior complex and non-apprentice!adam who's still waiting for the saving to kick in (or adam waiting for lawrence to come back.)

"my mom says that she's worried but i'm dripping in this favor. but when we're getting dirty i forget all that is wrong."

homophobic parents. for adam, kicking him out and getting angry at him (see original script) or lawrence, threatening to send him to a christian conversion camp. then finding solice in eachother.

"i sleep so i can see you, 'cause i hate to wait so long."

again this one just screams adam waiting for lawrence to come back for him.

"she took my fingers to her mouth"

kinky chainshipping... save me.....

"the kinda thing that makes you proud that nothing else had ever worked out"

lawrence who stays up at night wondering if he did the right thing all those years ago. if leaving alison was worth it to be with this man who was ten years younger than him who he loved more then life itself.

"and maybe i've tried other things"

adam who is a GIANT substance abuser.

"but nothing can capture the sting of the venom she's gonna spit out right now."

TOXIC. CHAINSHIPPING. thats all!

"i can be the cat, baby, you can be the mouse."

toxic chainshipping again, chasing eachother over and over.

"we can go forever until you wanna sit it out"

gay marriage wasn't legalized until 2015. 14 years after they met.

—

that's all:3

[leighcest]

chainshipping week day 4: headcanons<3

prompt week by the lovely @/mychem1calbr0mance !!! 🤍

--

-Adam and Lawrence had grown significantly closer together over the course of recovering from their trap. Even getting together romantically.

-When John took both of them in, however, Lawrence started noticing more. Parts of Adam's appearance changing, but most concerning, used needles.

-Lawrence grabs one from the trash (carefully) and confronts Adam, who immediately bursts out into hysterics.

-He lifts up his shirt to reveal two scars under his pectorals. Lawrence's face grows red and shameful. He apologizes with an awkward mutter.

-Lawrence who loves to run his fingers over the scars, the raised skin calming him. Adam, who secretly gets off to it. If only his hand was just a little higher.

-On days when Adam wants to lay in bed, cry, chainsmoke, and forget he was ever a girl, Lawrence comes in to hold him for hours. He'll usually get out of bed at 7, refusing to get back into bed until 8pm. Even now, Lawrence can't stay in bed once he's been up and moving. So for Adam, this is huge.

-Lawrence makes an effort to tell him how handsome and manly he looks, kissing his arms, etc.

-Amanda definitely gave him a horrific haircut the first time btw.

-Adam would also cave and show Lawrence embarssing photos of him freshly transitioned/before he was.

Idk these kinda sucked but I think about trans!adam sm.... so... :3

[leighcest]

chainshipping week day 3: song<3

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song: in a week - hozier (inspired by this fanart by the lovely @turnipoddity). prompt week by @mychem1calbr0mance<3

---

Blood soaked and seeped into Adam’s… well, everything. The doctor was softly sobbing against him. His family was gone, and now he would die in Adam’s arms. 

The two had an unspoken chemestrial bond, a trauma bond, a pact of comfort, and something more. They both knew what it was, but the words bubbling were shoved down. Adam brought a shaky hand up to rake through his hair. The phone stopped going off a few minutes ago. Lawrence couldn’t crawl over.nHe was too weak, and he knew it.

“Shh. I’ve got you. I got you, Lawrence. Just… take a deep breath. You’re not gonna be alone. I’m here.”

In his shock, Lawrence had mumbled about how scared he was of dying alone. He gripped onto Adam’s blood-soaked shirt. He wiped his tears and dragged them along the back of his ears and his neck to replicate sweat.

Adam tried not to think about what he would do after Lawrence died. It had only been an hour. If he squinted hard enough, he could see the clock. He knew it was coming. His pulse was slow, and his breathing sounded different. It scared him.

“Yo-you’re doing so good, Lar,” Adam whispered, trying not to get teary-eyed. 

“Ali? Is- is it you?” The blond croaked out. As hard as he tried, a tear fell onto Lawrence’s hair as Adam nodded. He couldn’t do this. Why did it have to be him? “U-uh, yeah. It’s me, sweetheart.” Adam choked out. “I’m here. Right here. Just me and you.” 

The younger removed his hand from Lawrence’s hair and placed it on his cheek. He bent down, pressing his chapped lips against the doctor’s forehead. His tongue darted out to wet his lips before pressing more ginger kisses onto his face. “Adam?” Lawrence croaked, the last of his strength. He hummed in response, biting back the embarrassment of not knowing when Larry suddenly realized it was him. “What’s gonna happen next?” He whispered.

His head leaned against the wall. Bile fought its way through Adam’s throat. “I don’t know, Lar.” Adam laughed softly. “We’ll stay here for hours. Maybe for years. And they’ll find us in a week. When it gets hot, and the insects have made their claim.” 

Our bodies intertwined. So still. So discreet. Adam thought.

Lawrence seemed content with this answer. “I’m going to let go now.” He said calmly. Adam pulled his limp body into his chest. “Okay.” He nodded, tears spilling. “It was- it was a pleasure, Larry.”

The eldest’s hunger appeased, his drive gone, his need to live gone, his heartbeat slow. “Two corpses we’ll be, two corpses I saw,” Lawrence whispered, his breathtaking one more inhale before blowing out and stopping. 

A shallow sob ripped through Adam’s throat.

The hours blurred into days of kissing Lawrence’s corpse, huddling him to warm him once again. The smell of rotting flesh was unbearable, even more than the pain in his shoulder and the unsatisfiable hunger in his gut. He looked down at Lawrence, guilt pooling into his body. Then over at Zepp. Then at his own arm.

Starvation it is. He thought. The color was gone from Lawrence. The sight of Zepp kept causing him panic attacks. The last time Lawrence moved was to grab Adam’s shirt and cover the corpse. 

Oddly enough, around the fourth day. A feeling of peace overtook him. He knew that meant he would die soon. Adam was ready. Oddly enough, curled into the dead body of a man he had known for eight hours and dying from a bullet wound (among various other things) had led Adam to a feeling of home. Comfort. He closed his eyes, only opening them one more time to get a good look at Lawrence. Heavy footsteps pounded down the hall. As Adam closed his eyes, he knew it would be the last time he would see the world around him. 

His arms pulled Lawrence closer. I’ll be home with you.

[leighcest]

chainshipping week day 2: first meet <3

To wake up in a bathtub soaked in cold water is a rude awakening. Especially so when you’re chained up. 

The world is cruel. Adam Faulkner-Stanheight did not deserve this. Sure, he’s not the best person. No one is. Maybe he did some shitty stuff but he did not deserve to be locked away; trapped in a room with some stranger! Admittedly, said stranger is incredibly handsome. Adam lets himself take the other in, and he doesn’t think in a million years he could forget those eyes.

Jesus, Adam. Get it together. His ankle and eyes burn, and his head feels like it might explode. Oh god, he really hopes it won’t. Adam wants to scream out for his mom. To burst into tears. He wants his mom to hold him and tell him it’ll all be okay. He wants Jennifer to miraculously find him and run into the room and kiss him and free him.

He yanks on his chain and looks over at the other. His breathing is nervous and labored whilst the blond man keeps his calm and even. He hates it. Envies the other man. He looks put together. Rich. Sexy. ��What? 

The man speaks to him and his head is pounding too hard for him to genuinely listen to anything. His brain’s on autopilot “My name is very fucking confused, what’s your name?” Adam snapped.

Jesus, isn’t this guy just peachy? Lawrence hummed. He’s not sure if he’s a teenager or a grown adult. He’s snarky like one, too. The doctor can’t get his mind off of Diana and Alison and he hates it. Do they know he’s gone? Lawrence’s mind barely processes that he’s holding a conversation. 

The man in front of him looks petrified. He feels bad. This is the moment he decides to try his best to keep him alive and well too. Lawrence wants to calm him down, or at least try, until he pulls a tape out of his pocket. A wicked smirk appears on the brunet’s face.

Lawrence fishes around in his pockets and pulls one out too. Listening to the tapes feels mind numbing. He feels out of his body, so much so that when he listens to his own he can’t focus. It’s like he blinked and was playing the tape back. His mind was its own wonder.

He wasn’t totally sure how he could hear such a small detail and be so focused while so distracted.

“Follow your heart.” Lawrence whispered, a twinge of confusion in his voice. What the hell did that mean? Jesus, this is melting his mind. His eyes darted around the room before widening. The other man notices. “What? What is it?” The man, Adam, asks. Lawrences hand points to the toilet.

Fuck.

(credits to @mychem1calbr0mance for the prompt week!)

[leighcest]

dating daniel matthews headcanons for anon<3

-post trap he began to attempt to better his life, absolutely petrified of being put in another one.

-he meets you when he's scraping gum off the desks for community service hours, and he swears to god, you are the most gorgeous man he has ever seen

-daniel awkwardly makes his way over to introduce himself before asking for your myspace

-when you two start talking, he burns a CD for you (of strictly wrath of the gods and nirvana/deftones) but the first letter of every song spells out "date me" (he's classy like that).

-obviously, who could turn this loser down? you said yes and he turns up to your house less then ten minutes later panting and holding a bouquet of ripped weeds and wildflowers. it's sweet.

-pretends to smoke so you'd think he's cool (DARE got to him. he's deathly afraid.)

-cries about his dad to you. a lot.

-loves to brag about his style and how "he's not like other guys". he's a 2005 version of a 2024 "nice-guy". he's actually very sweet though.

-loves loves loves to hold your hand. feels like the most special guy in the world when you're nice and affectionate to him.

-has nightmares so when you two spend the night together he'll stay up and play video games with you until you fall asleep and will be sweet and lovey covey and tell you he loves you (he's too chicken to say it while he's awake)

-if you're ever bullied for being gay (remember, its 2005) he'll beat the shit outta whoever said it.

-you surprised him with WOTG tickets because he hasn't stolen in a year (it was 10$. really not that special.)

-can't skate, but pretends he can. will cry if you call him a loser.

-no matter how many times you tell him off for it, he'll bully the shit outta people on AIM and myspace

-wants to be scenemo SO bad but he's a loser. settles for teenage dirtbag.

-can't stress this enough. he is the sweetest, sweetest, sweetest boy(friend) to ever exist. loves to be cheesy and stupidly cute when you're alone.

-tries to sneak out of his window but falls flat on his face. this happens all the time. like.. ALL THE TIME..

--

ok!!! hope u enjoyed <3 finished in one day!!! I did it!!! love u anon:) hope you liked it + have a great day!

[leighcest]

chainshipping week day 1: precanon <3

Lawrence slammed his front door and slid down slowly. He put his hand to cover his face before bringing them up to rake through his stringy, laid down blond hair. A ticking sound goes off to his right.

He jerks up, looking around. Jesus, he’s going crazy. Lawrence sits up. He needs a coffee. Walking to his car makes gravel crunching sound weird. He listens to the soft clicks and crunches under his shoes. His head is pounding. Listen, marriage is supposed to be a team effort and Lawrence was definitely putting in his fair share. Alison needs to stop taking his words out of context.

The slam from the car door was too loud for his own preference. However, that brief bubble of annoyance went away when Lawrence felt the hair on his neck stand up. He looked back. His key slips into the hole to fit into the ignition. 

Two miles seems a lot longer when you’re angry. And when there's nothing good on the radio. Lawrence ignores his pager going off again. Carla can wait. 

He orders a medium iced latte with whole milk, two sugars, and vanilla creamer. The barista looks at him with what he assumes to be shock but comes off as irritation. Lawrence sighed. His button up felt tight as he sat outside to sip on his coffee. Clicks go off in the distance and Lawrence convinces himself that he needs to get hearing aids, despite only being 46. He gets up. If Carla pages him one more time, he’s going to get in his car and drive off a bridge.

A scrawny brunet moves closer. He is hauling a camera. Lawrence is glad he doesn’t have his wallet on him except for his $2.50 change. As he’s walking, the other man trips, spilling his coffee on Lawrence before looking panicked and running off. The blond is thankful he has a spare blue button up in his car for a shift he was supposed to cover.

Oh well, what’s fifteen minutes more late? She could definitely wait.

(credits to @mychem1calbr0mance for the prompt week!)

[leighcest]

dating gavin ellis headcanons for anon<3

-gavin wasnt a commitment guy. he was addicted to drugs, a party animal, a dickhead. plus- his job made it so any future partners could be in danger because of him.

-the two of you met due to hooking up at one of his parties, and then hooking up again, and again, and again, until eventually he asked you to dinner.

-it was nothing special. a local diner, a high-end fastfood place, a bar. he clearly doesn't understand that just because he takes you to McDonald's and fucks you silly after that it's not a good date. Hell, even a date at all.

-but somewhere in that coke addiction, shit attitude, and lack of relationship knowledge, you fell in love. his eyes were pretty, he kissed you goodnight, bought you flowers when he was paid.

-he'd probably cheat on you in the beginning (he was just drunk, and it was once, jesus! get over it.) but the more time you two spend together the closer you get. he shapes himself up. stops doing so much coke and comes home at a reasonable hour.

-in the mornings he'd try to convince you to stay with him a little longer. he's not big on cuddling but he'd do anything for a few kisses and extra minutes lazing around.

-wouldn't be a big fan of petnames towards you (why? he can just call you your name) but would melt if you called him a petname.

-so very very dense. dont ever try the "i'm cold" line because he'll grab you your jacket. However, he thinks he's genius when he tries to yawn and reach his arm across.

-he'd ignore you at parties but would definitely make up for it later (either with kisses and flowers or sex)

-speaking of sex! all of it! constantly! horny ass motherfucker, and wouldn't be shy about it either. definitely a one pump chump (maybe four on a good day, assuming his extensive drug use lets him get it up) but can last a good amount of rounds. very sweet after and would try to get you off to the best of his ability.

-loves being around you in close proximity and would start taking care of his shit when you were around.

-would probably show up to your house drunk or high (or both) all the time. he probably gets really sweet and affectionate when it's just the two of you though.

-can't cook for shit. toast and eggs for breakfast, drugs and alcohol for lunch, microwave meal for dinner. he'd try to learn for the nights you came over, but would probably fail.

-usually he's quite a cocky bastard, but whenever he's with you he can't help but feel a tad less special, like a peasant in a god's existence.

-nights when you stayed over were his favorite. he'd try and cook, run a bath for the two of you, laze around, just let himself be geniune and sappy for once in his miserable life.

-(assuming he went back home instead of getting pushed off a building) he'd probably be wrecked with guilt. you've never seen him cry before, and you probably won't ever again, but that doesn't matter right now because he's crying. he wouldn't mention it in the morning, but he certainly wouldn't forget the sweet words and gentle touches that you gave.

-if he somehow survived with only chronic pain (and lots of trauma) I think cars and heights would be difficult for him. he wouldn't let you see this side of him, but it would be there. if he needed to calm down he'd put a hand over his pulse point on his neck or hold your wrist to feel your own. um. guys. idk. he's not surviving or at least peak life. he'd be paralyzed and basically everyone in his face and body are broken... yeah...

anyways, i've only watched this movie once, so i hope mischaracterize him very much! if you'd like to submit a request please do !!! hope u liked it<3:).

[leighcest]

dating spextkr headcanons for anon <3

- the three of you worked together under elise. tucker did most of the camera work, specs did most of the translations, and you did the social media stuff along with putting together videos

-specs had liked tucker, you could tell. hell, who couldn't? your little love triangle was confusing. you thought specs liked tucker, specs thought you liked tucker, tucker thought you liked specs.

-eventually, you told specs you liked him after enough of him staring at you and asking dumb questions to get you to talk to him more.

-tucker only realized he liked both of you after specs had admitted to liking both tucker and you while you were all drinking.

-one thing comes to another, and now you're all together.

-specs was the sweet loving nerd you adored, tucker was... well, tucker. silly and goofy and all around amazing. once you get him to open up more, be his true self, it's kinda like all the pieces fell into place.

-specs would definitely be the more "affectionate" one, but would take a lot longer to be affectionate.

-tucker, however, shows his love via acts of service. he'll make decent breakfast, fix shit you didn't even know was broken, and offer to finish up any parts of a video you might not have gotten to.

-specs is little spoon, and you and tuck are interchangeable.

-following the scene in tlk where specs fucking killed a man, it would probably destroy the three of you. specs is a fucking wreck because he killed a man! and wouldn't let himself let it go. you and tucker would do anything to try and make it go away. letting him pick movies on movie night, letting him go on about stupid things, getting him new comics, etc.

-tucker would definitely make a bunch of random shit for you two. specs probably has like seventeen pairs of his light glasses.

-tucker's favorite thing is when you help him with dinner or suprise him by doing laundry. specs' favorite thing is when you play with his hair or compliment him.

-the typical morning is specs up at 5am, reading or blogging, tuckers arm sling around you keeping you trapped inbetween the two, your head on specs' lap. tucker would wake up next and talk about random shit (think deep tiktok 2020) to specs before eventually waking you up.

-tbh geniune fights aren't often and when they are they're usually about being jealous and are quickly resolved. it would probably be between specs and tucker most commonly.

-road-trips are definitely your favorite vacations together.

-the death of elise was definitely hard for you guys especially with so much already going on. she was basically your guys' mom. after a lot of long night talks with coffee and tea, i think it'd get easier.

[leighcest]

i don't smoke (except for when i'm missing you.)

--

1.7k words

adam faulkner-stanheight x lawrence gordon

tropes: m/m, hurt / no comfort, mlm, ghost!adam faulkner-stanheight, slight headcanons, trans!adam faulkner-stanheight, slowburn(?), they're in love they just don't realize it, no happy ending, angst, religious mention once, chainshipping, suggested divorce between ali and larry, lawrence is an apprentice, canon timeline, not betaread we die like adam faulkner-stanheight

note: the title is a reference to the song i don't smoke by mitski! uh yeah! please enjoy:). posted on my ao3.

tags: @mychem1calbr0mance , @st4rcryptid

Every night had the same premise. Lawrence goes to sleep, dreams about Adam, and wakes up.

Tonight is no different. Lawrence is sawing his leg off, but it never comes off. He’s just pressing the blade against his leg and sawing. When he blinks, he has a gun pointed to Adam. Lawrence tries to stop himself from firing it, as if it would change what really happened. But it doesn’t. He puts seven rounds into Adam this time.

Adam looks so young. So painfully young. Because he was. The most youthful he had ever looked. Larry thinks about how that was the youngest and oldest he’ll ever look. And Lawrence took that away from him. Took him away from his parents, his friends, his siblings (if he had any). He murdered Adam. Shot and left him to rot. Took away his life. And now he’s gone. Because of Lawrence. He looked petrified.

He blinks one more time and Adam is bashing in his skull instead of Zepp’s. He looked even younger, even more afraid. and with that, he jerks awake.

His temples are near-exploding and his sheets are soaked. Lawrence’s chair is just far enough it’s painful to grab it and as he collapses in it, his will to shower is now gone.

A ghost dripping blood blurs his way into Lawrence’s vision. A gnawing feeling of guilt curls itself into the blond’s gut. It bubbles and hardens into a deeper feeling similar to rage. At himself, at Adam, whoever his mind can reminisce of. Somehow, Adam dissipating into a soft smoke makes Lawrence’s grief worse.

Lawrence tries to convince himself that Diana is sleeping in her room across the hall, to fill the lonely empty inside of him. It doesn’t work. He knows that Diana is at Alison’s with her new boyfriend. He knows it’s just him. Alone with the ghost of his most guilt ridden victim following him.

The shower dulls the ache in his head and the warmth consuming him like the fires of Hell themself. His foot aches, despite the fact it’s alone, rotting in a bathroom with the decaying corpse of Adam. John hadn’t told Lawrence to come in, so he has all day to pity himself.

His hair drips water down his back that makes him shiver. He can feel Adam’s presence (or the lack thereof) in the room with him. Lawrence wants nothing more than to call out. To scream at him. He closes his laptop and shoves his work to the side.

An empty balcony clouded with smoke is Lawrence’s favorite place as of recent. The sting of cigarette smoke reminds him of the irony of his job. The irony of it all. He’s a cancer doctor, who’s smoking. He’s a doctor who saves people, yet couldn’t save the one person that mattered most. He’s supposed to save people, yet he kills them in his freetime.

“Larry.” Adam chirps out. He’s smiling. “Thought you didn’t smoke?”

Lawrence’s face pulls into a mix of annoyance and longing. He sighs deeply before thinking of a response. “I didn’t. And then I did. Simple as that.”

Adam seems to take this answer before the corners of his lips quirk up once again. “You’re kinda pathetic, y’know?” He smirked like the Joker himself possessed Adam’s facial muscles. “I mean, really Lawrence. Smoking for someone you knew for six hours before you killed him? You didn’t even know me.”

“Exactly. I didn’t know you. Nobody knows you. You told me you were alive and nothing, and you were right.” Lawrence had to pause when he felt bile creep up his throat. “That’s why I feel guilty.”

That reasoning shuts Adam up quickly. Lawrence swears he heard the boy mumble a soft apology before sitting down. “I don’t blame you. I know that… Everything that happened was for a reason. I know that. I know that whatever happened to me was for the better.” He started. “I would have done the same in a heartbeat. I wish someone would have done that for me.” Adam chuckled, but it sounded more sad and pathetic than happy. Then again, everything Adam did was sad and pathetic. John was right.

The younger sits down and looks over at Lawrence. “Are you actually a ghost or did I make you up?” The blonde whispers. It was supposed to be to Adam, but came out like he was talking to no one in particular, and maybe he was. Adam hums in response. “I’m whatever you want me to be, handsome.” He winked. The older man clearly was not thrilled with this response. Adam could tell. He made a noise adjacent to clearing his throat. “Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that I’m not mad at you. Y’know, just… don’t leave me alone wondering where you are.” Adam said softer now. His smirk had melted into a soft and genuine smile.

Lawrence didn’t like how it tugged at him. He rubbed his eyes and put out the cigarette he was smoking, before staring blankly over the balcony as he nodded at Adam’s previous comment.

Paperwork was boring, and that’s all Lawrence could really do except for sleep. So he slept.

When Lawrence opens his eyes, Adam's decayed face floods his view. He's not stupid. It's been two months, he wouldn't look this dead. His jaw is eaten away and his body is pale. Adam's skin like the moonlight reflected off his window.

Lawrence squeezes his eyes closed. When he decides it's been long enough, he unclenches his body. His eyes slowly open. Adam is laying on his side, and his hand is propping up his head.

The older man desperately tries to cool the warm, tingling feeling that Adam's shit eating smirk is causing him.

"Hey, doc." His whiny voice pierces Lawrence's ears. Adam's voice to Lawrence is like a whistle to dogs or the wind humans used to hear. Lawrence feels his throat desperately constrict as he begs it to swallow his shame. "Adam. It's far too late for this."

He's still not sure if the Adam that's in his nightmares is the one haunting him, but he tolerates them both, so why fuss?

Adam stays silent, simply observing Lawrence and seemingly admiring the empty pit he leaves in Lawrence's stomach. His smirk transformed into a softer, more playfully smirk. "Sick of me already? Jeez, Lar, no wonder you left me."

A sour taste other than smoke fills Lawrence's mouth. "Don't call me that." The man said sternly, trying to hide the meek shame in his voice. Lawrence let out a breath he was holding. Talking to each other felt like walking on eggshells. Or landmines.

Looking over at Lawrence, the shorter stays unmoving. Just taking slow and deep breaths. He blinks. Adam is gone, the only remnant being a dent in Lawrence’s pillow, and the faint reminisce of a “sorry” on Larry’s lips.

Remembering Adam is cold. Touching (or the lack thereof) the ghost of Adam is colder. Lawrence is currently hugging the air, gripping it like a vice. His arms are loosely hung around Adam’s neck, and his nose is digging into his collarbone.

This is extra humiliating, because Lawrence is hovering over the air because he can’t touch Adam without his skin ripping through his hands and into the air he breathes.

Adam’s shirt is cotton. It’s soft and wet and soaked in blood. Lawrence tries to grip it but he watches as his wounded shoulder puffs into gas before resolving back. This makes the blond feel worse.

Ugly sobs rip painfully through Lawrence’s throat as it tries to close to ward off the whines and cries. He cries until he thinks he might throw up and some more after that.

He resists the urge to slam his fist desperately into a wall until his knuckles are shreds of skin and muscle. As he clenches his fist where Adam’s hair would be, the ghost whispers shushes to him. Promising he isn’t angry anymore, that Lawrence shouldn’t be either. Lawrence swears up and down he feels ghostly hands sliding up and down his back. The eldest gasps harshly for air.

Lawrence can’t remember the last time he’s cried like this, surely before Diana was born. Maybe even before Alison and him met.

“You’re fine, Lawrence, Jesus Christ!” Adam whispers, unsure of what to do. “Just take a deep breath… let it all out. I can take it… I can take it. I can take your anger, I’ll keep it safe inside me.” If Lawrence knew any better, he would think Adam was speaking gibberish. However, at that moment, Lawrence listened, leaning against Adam and wailing. He wasn’t even sure why. He drove his fist into Adam, even though he couldn’t feel it.

“Yeah, that’s it. If you need to be mean, you can be mean to me. Just lean on me as you break my heart.” Adam said softly, listening as the other tried to mumble stupidly about how he was fine. “Oh, don’t fucking bullshit me. If you were fine, you wouldn’t be crying and punching a ghost.” He scoffed to which Lawrence scoffed too.

The doctor didn’t have the strength to fight back, so he just let himself weep against Adam.

“I want to know more about you, Adam.” Lawrence said, scribbling his signature on various pieces of paper. The brunet perked up.

“What do you want to know?” He smiled up at Lawrence. “Anything.” The eldest whispered.

Adam looked up at the ceiling. “Well, I grew up catholic. I dropped out of highschool. I wanted to be a vet. I took up photography because it was the only thing my brothers weren’t doing. Oh, yeah, I have twelve brothers, I’m the youngest. I overdosed on depression medicine when I was nine. My nose bleeds randomly. I can’t really sleep. I’ve always wanted to fall in love.” Adam listed random items about himself.

Lawrence hums in response. He tries to get choked up. “What about you?” Adam asks.

“I also grew up catholic. I wanted to be in the army growing up. I tried to take my life at 19.” The silence after that was tense enough from Lawrence to make the quiet awkward and calm enough from Adam to make it nice. Lawrence thought before responding again. “And, I’ve also always wanted to fall in love.”

note: rb & comments are always appriciated 💛