#june 3rd shouldn't have happened anyway

[frazzledsoul]

As always, I will remind the Gilmore Girls faithful that a quickie wedding would not have solved Luke and Lorelai 's communication problems, her questionable relationship with Christopher, and Luke's custody issues and what they really needed was to sit down like adults, discuss their problems, and call a lawyer to set up formal visitation arrangements with April.

But alas, it is season six, and unless you are Jess Mariano (or Babette and Morey), no one is escaping with their dignity intact.

[mirrorballwhoistrying]

august slipped away like a bottle of wine 31.08.24

Is June, July, or August the worst month of this? (I shouldn't jinx this since there are 4 more months left to 2024) It is not my unemployment or these 3 particular months in general.

The first weekend of August, I went on a road trip with my brother and mother. It was amazing. I should have worn more layers of clothes and wore sunscreen. The food wasn't a good companion to my stomach either. I started calculating the money that I earned my entire life and realized I saved up around 30% of it. Is it a good start? I should invest more, to be honest?

damn, after months of procrastination, I finally signed up for the gym. It wasn't a big drastic change but I'm glad I did. I also met up with YSEALI alumni and joined them to do a video promo for the next cohort YSEALI afp application. I'm glad I made some new friends this month.

I did my first portfolio and met b Panha for his comments.

The next weekend, I went to KPS with my mom and brother. It was okay. It was my 3rd time there this year. We ate so much.

I finally met up again with Kouy Y a couple months after my birthday of no contact.

I was also invited to attend a workshop at Tribe about health communication.

I went to a restaurant for hotpot and met someone I knew years ago who's one of the owners. That's so funny.

I spent some time this month trying to analyze my style and clothing. It isn't that easy.

I was also invited to attend a workshop in Thailand about HIV prevention. Wow!

606 Digital also confirmed the first scope of work with me!

There came the breaking point of this month. I posted videos about grief and then that morning, my father scolded me and wanted me to delete it. I didn't. I blocked him from my page instead. I also stood up to him on that. It was not a great feeling when I tried to do what I wanted and constantly felt like my family was holding me back.

I left home to attend the Climate Gen event. It was okay, then I attended b Sakal's birthday. after that, I went to the workshop. I tried to catch everything and ended up not doing anything well.

I slept like 3 hours before the workshop and I wasn't active at all. I blamed the sleep but I was eventually like this with or without sleep. I didn't talk to b ping and b key that much. I didn't even talk to other speakers. It's karma!

On the last day, participants pointed out that one of them asked people to not speak English, and the other pointed out that people do not trauma-dump.

I felt so personally attacked, it was like me going to that workshop to ruin my own reputation. Or maybe I should stop taking everything so personally!

these few days I worked on Sampi chatbot pre-test and had to talk to a lot of people. It's so energy-consuming, to be honest. It takes like an hour per person.

Am I back to the "basement" again? things aren't that bad but it just happens at the same time and I'm not in a good state. I feel like no one is backing me up or they do but I can't keep demanding energy from them like that.

I had more goals to achieve and more things to do, I can't let these inconveniences stop me like this! It just feels like a lonely journey and feels like the more I do, the less it's working or maybe this is the foundation to build for what to come, right?

This is like a test to see whether I would choose to do what I always did and get what I always got or choose to act differently so I could open the possibility of things turning out differently. This is something I would definitely have to deal with sooner or later. I hope to deal with it the soonest.

About my dad? There's nothing much I can do anyway. I'm glad I stood up to him this time. I also knew in a way I have to break this pattern. I'm just not sure how yet.

The guy I'm seeing? I'm not sure if it's love or limerence. The thing I know deep down is I have some work to do or to deal with myself. Things working out with him or not, it's not the point, I can't control every outcome. I can only control the choices I make and the actions I take. I know deep down, I lowkey crave validation and I know it's not sustainable.

The same lesson I need to learn again and again is to stop living like the "main character". I need to see things less about me and more about the world. No one owns me anything. Every action is not ride or die.

I can't change the trajectory of this month or the past. I can only do better next month and next step.