#judging me. it's the super unhealthy cycle and i know im not the only writer who falls into it bc i have seen and spoke w quite a few ppl
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oof
#why do i keep trying to post shit here anymore? it always flops/is met w complete silence minus the handful of ppl who'll just like it#it's like i have amnesia or just blatant stupidity bc i will see the ppl who get like even 3 reblogs w excited readers giving them feedback#and i'll be like- oh wow that looks like a lot of fun to be a part of! perhaps maybe if i post this thing i made/wrote ppl would do the same#for me and it could be so nice to get to talk to ppl abt it and find out their thoughts and just hear any kind of response i could take in#and i rlly wanna know how other ppl feel abt it and if it's got things i could workshop or expand on and it could help me feel some other#kinda drive to continue other than my own head rereading it so much that i end up despising it or getting burnt out. im tired of talking#to myself and the walls. i miss having some kinda connection to other fandom members who are into all this. and then i post. and i just.#at what point do i realize and come to terms w the fact that nothing is going to change in this situation? when do i finally stop trying to#do the same thing over and over and setting myself up for all these feelings of rejection and loneliness and unacceptance and#not being good enough or the ~right~ kinda content creator for this fandom or not being the right kinda person for this fandom in general#and just not being good at all and actually terrible at this whole entire thing and a joke to everyone who's watching quietly and silently#judging me. it's the super unhealthy cycle and i know im not the only writer who falls into it bc i have seen and spoke w quite a few ppl#on here who feel they do kinda the same thing. w announcing that they're /leaving/ or /not writing on here/ or /not posting/ anymore#only to come back after a few ppl say they dont want that person to go or stop or whtvr. and soon they're right back into the same#situation. and imho i believe part of why this happens is bc ppl would rather wait until someone's at their wit's end and talking abt leavin#before they'll reach out and let that person know they're appreciated. so when writing/creating/posting resumes the audience goes#back to not showing up and vocally supporting that person's content in ways that actually benefit that creator.#ughhh it's just another rant im not srry tho bc i am willing to bet good money that at most 1 person actually read all this.
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