#jt just. doesnt end up working much. i mean it makes me happy but to a stranger i just dont read as androynous

[againstshame]

(submitted by @yusukekitagawa-san)

This is a bit embarrassing but eh this is the place to say it, no? Well here goes! Maybe others will be able to relate. I am self diagnosed autistic and I’m understanding bit by bit a few things about myself that did not make much sense. One of those things which i literally JUST started to understand was how i handle being happy.

I have always been told i over react to alot of things. One of the things i never understood was when people said i was easily amused or getting too excited about things. Basically, i get so happy and excited about things that it feels like i might explode! I ahve to do something or i may well go crazy! So i would jump up and down, smile this goofy wide smile, clap my hands, shake my hands, get loud, just anything really! 

And someone i knew in middle though highschool said i was very easily amused. I didn’t really get that. Do they mean i am too excitable? Is my reaction too strong? Are you supposed to not feel so happy when little things happen or when you think about your favorite thing? I pretty much thought that if others felt the same way that i did when they got happy, they MUST be not showing it and that you were supposed to just. Not show how you REALLY feel when you get extra happy. 

So thats what i did! I tried really hard to ignore that feeling in my chest when i got super excited. I didn’t want people to call me overly excitable or easily amused, because that means i am childish and annoying (obviously it doesnt!). And really, it wasn’t the best idea. In fact jt was a TERRIBLE idea! Suppressing my happy stims feels horrible. And i would not have even known they were happy stims if i didn’t know i was autistic. It feels like trying to hold your breath. It hurts! It’s like shoving that big ball of happy energy into a tiny cup and putting that cup into a small box and ignoring it. It takes alot of energy.

I remember many times people silently judging me over how happy i get. Sometimes i just don’t even know im doing it and it just happens. One thing i remember vividly is when in school i got happy about…i dont even know it was middle school. And i do this cartoonish walk. I bob from side to side, on my tip toes (arms flapping or clapping sometimes). And someone staring me down and laughing at me. I never did it again until about last year or the year before. Not because i intentionally thought about doing it, but because i got happy and that’s what’s i did without even thinking. 

When out in public or in the car with family or with people i dont trust, i have to sit very very still. Because i am almost always listening to music, i usually end up getting that happy feeling. As a kid, i had more practice in sitting still and ignoring that feeling. But as an adult? I can hardly do it. It’s far too painful these days (like a physical hurting or aching. Maybe “painful” isn’t quite the right word but I’m not sure how else to put it. Highly discomfortable? Sure.). I usually end up rocking very slightly and squeezing my hands, something i didnt even realize i did until my sister jokingly pointed it out to my parents (that was very embarrassing). 

Just the other day i had seen a bunch of birds in a puddle (it was raining super hard so alot of birds were about). It made me so happy the entire day! I had started doing this thing i do with my hands: i close them really tight into a fist and open them back up like im want a high five. I do this quickly with my hands up towards my chest while on my tip toes. I was doing this while looking at the birds and saying something (probably something along the lines of “look at the birds ooh look they are taking a bath” but i kept repeating it the whole day hahah.) and turned around to see the customers at work staring straight at me. It was so embarrassing. 

Part of me really wishes i would just be excited like everyone else. So that i didn’t have to constantly monitor my body language. So that i could just see something, smile about it and move on like everyone else. Why do i have to put so much energy into staying still when i get happy so i don’t embarrass myself? How does no one else get so happy that they want to burst and jump around and flail? Why do little things like rain, the leaves on a tree, a good song, thinking about my favorite games, nice color palettes, good food, bright lights and just other insignificant things make me so incredibly excited? 

No one else seems to care about the little circles the rain makes when they hit the ground. The way a song on the radio has a similar chord progressions to a song of one of my favorite games. How the plastic packaging on certain items has a sound that tastes like chocolate. So why do i? 

I kind of wish i didn’t feel so strongly about such stupid, small things. And that it didn’t take so much energy to appear like they dont mean anything, when in fact I just wanna jump up and clap. Why is my happy so overwhelming but everyone else’s is so subdued? I hate it. Maybe everyone feels this way and i am just particularly bad at handling my feelings. I am not sure, but i really hate it.

(I am not sure how to tag this, i will leave it up to the mods.)

[tylerarltunl]

Tyler’s Takes 6.0

April 7th, 2018

Welcome one welcome all to a late night early morning addition of my steaming hot takes on this week in sports. My good friend Cade Webb who has plenty of hot takes as well you should give him a follow on twitter if you do not already. His takes get even better during college football too! But anyway he gave me the idea to have two editions this week so this will be the general what has happened in the week and tomorrow I will release a half edition that focuses on the Masters and how it played out through my eyes so without further ado I will start supplying the takes. 

College Basketball

The masses are declaring for the draft there were a few surprises and a few kids I wish would stay but I cannot blame them for wanting to cash in a big payday. I think their game would develop with another year at the college level but I would never tell anyone to turn down money. Also I am going to pat myself on the back for my bracket. Bet yall didnt think I would do that well now did ya!

-Trevon Duval (Point Guard, Duke) is a kid I think could increase his draft position by 10 spots if he were to stay another year at Duke. I know when he signed at Duke he was intending to be a one and done but could you imagine a summer where he doesnt have the pressure to get ready for the draft and can focus on his weaknesses. IE his shooting. A summer and another season to work on his jump-shot would do wonders for him. 

-Malik Newman (Guard, Kansas) made himself some serious cash with the finish to his season. Apparently his plan and Self’s plan was for him to leave after this season regardless of how he performed. He is counting his dollars because he went from not even being talked about to putting himself on the map with his late flourish. A position less player in the NBA who benefited from having Davante bring the ball up will find it comforting that teams like guys who can shoot which makes him a better prospect than Duval in my eyes. 

-Landry Shamet (Point Guard, Wichita State) Here is a guy I thought would stay solely based on how the season ended for him and I thought he would want to come back and get the bad taste out of his mouth. This might be an indictment on what the Shockers are going to be next year but I never blame a kid for leaving. I think he is the best NBA ready prospect of the three guys mentioned here as he can do a little bit of everything. I am concerned about his speed on defense but if Fred Van Vleet can guard NBA talent Landry Shamet can learn to do the same. 

-Nebraska has two guys that have not signed an agent yet and  I think should come back and make a run next year. Neither guy excels at what they do (Issac Copeland and Jordan Palmer Jr.). If they come back Nebraska will be picked in the top 5 of the Big Ten in preseason polls because the Big 10 is losing a lot of its elite talent this year. I think both guys would be better served rounding their game into form in their senior campaigns but if they both go Issac has a better NBA future. 

College Football

-Not a lot here just Spring games will be happening around the country in the coming weeks so I hope you enjoy your teams game! I am in the minority here but I think Spring games are a whole lot to do about nothing. Tanner Lee threw some pretty passes in the Spring game and look how that turned out. Just know your team is never as good or bad as you think it is in April and you will be for the better. 

-My quick take on the Huskers...  their spring game is April 21st so lets hope the QB position has a direction by then. If there is no separation from someone in that group that usually means they are all BAD. What are the odds you are going to have three studs in the same room. Scott Frost does have a plethora of talent at the skill positions. Morgan, Lindsey, and Speilman could be a special trio at receiver and please please please dont make me suffer through another season of Devine Ozigbo and Mikale Wilbon as the primary running backs. Please let Greg Bell and Jaylen Bradley separate from the group. Maurice Washington could be a factor as a true freshman as well when he arrives on campus in the fall. I think Tre Bryant might not play football at all or successfully again. (You heard that here first)

Major League Baseball

-The Red Sox are hot!!! The temperature outside may be cold but they are clicking right now. The starting pitching has been the story for this team. Rick Porcello pitched a great game today and it was the worst start by a starter this season. 7.1 IP and 3 earned runs. That is crazy. The Sox also have not committed and error yet this season and since I typed that sentence Sunday they will commit one you can bet on it. The Red Sox played 162 games without a grand slam last year they got that out of the way before game 10 this year. 

-CC Sabathia is headed to the DL and so the Yankees weak rotation gets even weaker. They are going to win games by scoring 10 runs but I honestly do not think they have the horses in the rotation to be taken seriously.  The bullpen has surprisingly cost the Yankees wins so far this year dont look for that to continue.

-The Phillies scored 20 runs today as a WTH stat of the week. Interested to see which team.... the Phillies or the Braves rise out of the ashes first. I think both are a year away but the NL East is about to be loaded.

-The Royals are bad. They could have had a jump start on the rebuild and I am guessing management is feeling they should have taken that path. How about Danny Duffy being spotted a 4 run lead in the first on Opening Day then getting shelled and the loss then getting spotted a 2 run lead in the first to Cleveland on Friday and giving up 3 in the bottom half of the inning as they went on to lose 3-2.

National Football League

Not a whole lot here this week just a signing and a trade

-The Cowboys added Kony Early to the roster. He averaged 4 sacks a year with Carolina Panthers and New York Jets. Dont know if that moves the needle at all. Randy Gregory is said to be asking for reinstatement into league as well. The league would be foolish to grant that. I dont blame the Cowboys for drafting the former Husker but dude has issues LAY OFF THE WEED.

-The Rams traded for Brandin Cooks. The Patriots got a first round pick and a 6th round pick. The Rams are all in while Jared Goff is young. Am I the only one that thinks he could take a step back this year? Todd Gurley is a beast and the defense appears to be insanely good on paper with all the pieces they added. If those pieces mesh is a completely different story. 

-Any guesses as to what the hoodie has up his sleeve in New England? I really wish he and Tom Brady had left on top after their historic comeback against the Falcons. That would have made such a better story then quietly going into the night. 

National Basketball Association

-Very concerned Warriors fan here. I am not saying a first round exit but man they look bad right now and the west is as good as ever since the Warriors made their run. Happy for Quinn Cook to be playing so well and earning himself a nice contract. He is the perfect backup to Steph Curry. 

-I hope you have been taking my advice and watching the western conference standings! The west is a crazy fun mess right now with 6 teams vying for 5 spots. Give me the Spurs, Jazz, Thunder, Pelicans, and Nuggets not in that order.

-Are the Sixers putting the East on notice? They look scary good right now for a conference that does not have an elite team. Lebron is Lebron but I do not think the Cavs are elite and this is the worst team personnel wise he is taking to the playoffs since his return to Cleveland. 

-Can the Bucks play competently in a playoff series? Right now they are 7 to the Celtics 2. That will be the hot upset pick of the playoffs but it really should not be all that surprising after the injuries the Celtics have been dealt. 

Last one and I am gone 

Golf

-Man I love the Masters and I will go in depth in 6.5 edition but seeing the best play at their best is great television. I think it should be a four horse race tomorrow because Reed just put so much distance between himself and the meat of the pack. Reed, Rory, Rickie and Rahm are the four horses their but I would not be shocked if Bubba or JT threw a 64 on the board and put themselves in the mix. Rory is my favorite international golfer the emotion he shows is good for the game in my opinion but I will be cheering for Fowler to break through. I hope it is tight late and someone makes a putt or hits a shot that we will remember.

As always thanks for reading and for your support. Enjoy your Sunday folks!