#jsut been like. me. and that would've taken time out of everyone's schedules for the kid they dont like
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Nobody talks about how utterly humiliating it is to love your family with your whole heart and they dont even. Like you.
#like sorry i need to talk about it because i have no idea how to navigate interacting with my family one fucking bit because i was never.#because i was never . around them . and i have no common interests and any interaction with me is just an obligation to them i think#like this year i was really excited for my 18th birthday and i really wanted to do something but i thought better of trying to plan so#mthing myself because do you know how fuckinh humiliating it would've been#nobody would've shown up. one of my aunts n uncle took a vacation out of state during my birthday. nobody else would've come and it would've#jsut been like. me. and that would've taken time out of everyone's schedules for the kid they dont like#its so embarrassing that im still upset over my fucking birthday when it's been like six months but i was really excited and thats so#terrible for me#i worked on my birthday too. i felt too embarrassed to request it off without a good reason#and then i went to dinner with my dad and my mom got upset because she didn't get much sleep before work#god its humiliating and im so tired#i think after this year i should just stop going to my family's stuff because i never get invited anyway and it's just my dad telling me#what time things are and bringing me along and i dont think any of them actually want me there but i love them so much and i want to see#them but they dont want to see me and i dont think they ever have#and i really want to make an effort to get to know them better and interact with them more because i couldn't for years but i dont know how
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