#joker out i love you käärijä I love you can't wait to see you again

[mogoce-nocoj]

saw a man so beautiful that i started crying (bojan in his pink ripped sleeves shirt)

[lovvecherrymotion]

everyone has been posting about their 2023 and how much jere and joker out have impacted their lives and i guess it's my turn now

this is pretty long and all over the place but... i have a lot to say, i guess

i'm a big eurovision fan but not to the point of watching all the national finals or preparties or anything. i'm pretty invested in it during may but prior to this year i haven't really gotten invested in any artists (at least not to this extent)

anyway, this year, for some reason, i ended up watching cha cha cha the day after the umk final and i was in love. i didn't even need to listen to any other songs - i knew right away käärijä was my 2023 winner. i decided to check other songs that were already out and... guess what other song i liked right away? yeah, carpe diem

and then the universe decided it'd be lovely if bojan and jere met and it fundamentally changed the trajectory of my year. their friendship made me so happy at a time of my life i was struggling so much in terms of mental health - and with their friendship, their music, their interviews, and the rest of the kä crew and joker out

i started lurking around tumblr again. i didn't feel comfortable enough to participate in fandom, but i did love seeing all the content and all the discussions everyone was having. i hadn't felt this excited joining a new fandom in... years, literally. and despite all the shitty moments i've had in 2023, both jere and joker out have helped me a lot and i've felt so happy thanks to them

when i got the ticket for the tavastia show, i spoke to non fandom friends, expecting them to tell me it was a silly idea to fly to the other side of europe just to see joker out (and potentially experience the next bojere reunion), but they all said the same - we haven't seen you this happy about anything in a long time. you should go. and it was one of the best concert experiences of my life

then i also booked an entire trip to dublin to see jere AND I GOT TO MEET HIM? and now i'm getting my first tattoo ever? and, sure, i also got covid for the first time in my life, but it was yet another AMAZING concert experience and one i'll never forget, both thanks to jere and everyone else i met in line. dublin will forever be in my heart. it's one of those experiences that seemed straight out of a fanfic and i can't believe it all happened to me

and finally, it was time to see joker out in madrid, which was a little bit of a birthday gift to myself. i was awake for 30 hours straight and i don't even know how i survived, but it was PHENOMENAL. i truly loved every second of it

after dublin, i made the decision to start being a bit more active around here and got to meet some more lovely people and... while i still feel a bit weird, because i'm not exactly the best at interacting with others and i often feel like i'm the kid who transferred schools mid school year and is still trying to figure out exactly how to fit in, i do love how wonderful this community is. our silly joint fandom has brought me so much joy and i can't wait to see how it'll be in 2024

i'm not exactly ending this year feeling great, in terms of mental health, and i've been feeling quite down about certain things both jere and joker out had helped me feel a bit better about - body image and my own writing being the two main ones - but i seriously believe the positive impact they've had on me will influence how i deal with this during 2024 and i do hope to get to a better place

i wish you all the very best and thank you for being a part of my wonderful fandom experience and making my days a little brighter 💖 and i guess this is a good moment to say that my messages/inbox are always open and i'm always more than happy to make new fandom friends! also, if any of you are going to milan, just let me know (and, yes, i'm still deciding on some more joker out dates for next year because i can't resist spending money on them, it seems 💀)