#john rollins

[littlegodzilla]

Next chapter about The Farmer!!

Thanks for your comments and reblogging for the first chapter! If I'm honest I didn't expect that someone read it.

I hope you'll like this one too!!

As I said the firsts chapters are to introduce our man to the story, then the story will go faster.

Enjoy!!

The Farmer Masterlist

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The Farmer.

John Rollins x FemReader.

Mini series. Chapter 2.

Warnings: Domestic life. Awkward moments. Making friends. Slow burn.

Words: 4200.

Summary: John's still trying to fit in his new life. But it's easier when you and his neighbor help him.

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The good thing about anxiety and light sleep is that it allows John to wake up early. Maybe more than necessary, but it's a good excuse to get to work. His body resents and protests the poor posture after falling asleep on the couch. He grunts in pain, rubbing the back of his neck, and makes himself a cup of coffee while washing his face in the bathroom and going back to the planning he has prepared for the farm. He doesn't want to put a very extensive field of corn, because cultivating it requires great use of water and his water is limited, not to mention that he is a beginner and hopes to make some profit for next year, with some crops and fruit trees he is already late, but if he can get them at a good price he will buy them anyway for the next seasons, the orchard he wants to cultivate is the simplest part, for his own consumption he does not need much land, he only has to deal with the weeds, plow the land and prepare the ridges for the irrigation of the vegetables. His eyes then fix on the folder on the table and he makes a mark on the back of his hand to remind himself to take it with him.

After breakfast he leaves the house looking at all the land he has, his first task is to get the tractor out of the barn, he has managed to get it started, now he has to make sure it is working properly and that no part is missing that would prevent him from working. Again the roar of the engine encourages him, he climbs into the huge vehicle and pulls it out of the barn, hidden behind it are several devices that will help him in the task. He doesn't know how long he has been on the tractor, but when he takes a look behind him, he has already managed to till much of the land, he doesn't have much left, so he hurries the last meters of land before leaving the tractor to one side near the barn where he will mount the seeder to go distributing the grains of corn, but first he has to mark how far he wants to expand the area and where he wants to place everything else. Not to mention he needs a power tiller for the orchard area, the tractor is too big and will make furrows he doesn't need, maybe he can buy one at the green house or borrow one from Hershel.

He looks at his watch and is surprised at how quickly the morning has gone by. He quickly goes into the house to take a shower and change his clothes, he can't walk around the dirt and sweat filled town.

**

He parks the van in the nursery like the day before, today it seems that there are not so many people and he feels a strange relief, that they do not see his clumsiness in the subject relaxes him. He takes out the folder with the papers and enters the greenhouse to look for you. Your companions quickly notice him and greet him like a normal customer, but their eyes follow him as he wanders around the large room, discovering the shelves with fertilizers and herbicides. He'll need that, too, later.

"Good morning, John." You greet him as he returns to the counter and you finish serving another customer.

"Good morning." Your name sounds strange in his ears and mouth, but he tries not to think about it. "I'm bringing you the water discharge form." He explains and you nod, taking the papers he hands you.

"Perfect, with this we can..." You shut up when you discover that in the remarks he has noted that he attends Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. "T-there was no need for you to put... it doesn't mean that kind of... you're not the only one..." You don't know how to explain and you feel your cheeks redden.

"I know, but it's part of my therapy, my sponsor advised me to always make it clear, I don't introduce myself as 'I'm John, alcoholic' to everyone, but this is like a job, so... I should make it clear." You nod as you understand what he's referring to and smile again downplaying it.

"All right, well, with that we can discharge you. I'll process it today so that you can use it tomorrow."

"Thank you very much, that reminds me that I have to clean the raft." He says wryly and you can't help but chuckle and look at him with mock pity.

"You're in for some rough days." You joke and he agrees with a murmur. "Do you need anything else?"

"I didn't want to take it away so soon, but... Do you have sacks of corn grain? I've started tilling the ground so I'll start planting what I already have ready." It's one of the things to cross off his to-do list and the sooner the better.

"Yeah, sure, do you know how much you're going to need?"

"I'll take a couple of sacks for now, if I need more, I'll be back." He shrugs as he follows you through the huge place to where you have the sacks laid out, there's corn, barley, wheat, even animal feed on the shelves next to it. "Thirty kilos, yes, I think two will be enough." He thinks out loud and helps you put them on a cart to better carry it to the car.

You go back to the main counter, charge him for the sacks of corn and help him load them into the truck. John thanks you once again and you shake your head.

"So... Are you adjusting well?" You ask him curiously.

"For the time being, ask me next week." He jokes rolling his eyes. "I forgot, I need a power tiller for the orchard, do you guys bring machinery?"

"No, sorry..." You tell him sorry for not being able to help him. "But I can ask around, maybe I can find some old model that someone is trying to sell..."

"That would be enough, thanks." He smiles and you shake your shoulders.

"It's nothing, I have your phone number on the form, so if I hear anything, I'll let you know."

John nods again grateful for your attention. You wave goodbye to him as you hear your coworkers call your name and head back to work, the new farmer stands there for a few seconds, before turning around as well and getting into the truck, heading back to his farm.

"So the new guy, huh?" You hear the voice of one of your coworkers and you frown.

"What?"

"That you seem to be getting along with the new guy." She repeats and you stammer for a second.

"I was just giving him a hand." You fight back and pick up the form. "I'm going to sign him up for irrigation so he can get water from the canal tomorrow." You try to ignore your partner's sly smile.

"Do you want to give him a hand with anything else?" You hear the laughter and roll your eyes.

"Shut up already." You whisper trying to concentrate on the form.

**

John feels himself getting dizzy on the tractor. He shakes his head and stops it. He hasn't noticed the time, he's been sitting there in the sun for too long and hasn't eaten anything since first thing in the morning. He doesn't have much time left to finish planting the corn, but he's exhausted, and if he goes on any longer he's afraid he might fall off the tractor.

He turns off the engine, gets out of the vehicle and walks back to the house, turns on the tap of a small sink on the side of the house and wets his forehead and the back of his neck to reduce the heat that runs through his body. When he arrives, he prepares himself something quick and grabs a bottle of water, sitting down on the sofa, feeling his body relax. He doesn't know how long he lays there transfixed but he opens his eyes as the bottle slips from between his fingers and it's already starting to get dark.

"Shit..." He whispers sitting up and picks up the bottle leaving it back in the kitchen, he needs to finish with the tractor, if he gets the water passage tomorrow as you told him that morning, he needs to get everything ready today.

"I see you are getting serious about being a farmer." He listens as he leaves the house, discovering that Hershel is there and seems to be waiting for him. He nods to him and walks down the stairs to join him.

"I haven't done anything serious, just plowing the land a bit and putting out the corn grain." He explains, crossing his arms.

"Not bad for a first day, you've fenced the land." He says as he sees that the tractor is tucked into an area surrounded by some wooden fences.

"Actually it was already fenced in, so I just took advantage of the fact that the area was already limited... Should I fence it all in?"

"Are you going to have animals?" He asks and John shakes his head. "Then it's not necessary, but when the corn starts to grow maybe you should keep an eye on those fences to make sure they resist wild boars that want to come in."

"Thanks." He looks at him relieved and notes the information in his mind. "What are you doing here?"

"Yeah, I got a call this afternoon because someone was looking for a power tiller and I wanted to come over to find out what exactly you need." He smiles kindly and John laughs through his nose. Your name comes to his mind and he thanks you for the help.

"I'm not sure yet, I wanted to start with the strongest thing first and then the whole orchard, I don't want something too big, so..." He shrugs and then laughs. "I don't know what exactly I want to grow either. I'm going to need help with that."

"Don't worry, when you get it all figured out, I can give you a hand with that."

"I'd appreciate it, but I need to finish that first." He points to the tractor.

Hershel snorts understanding the dilemma and weariness the young farmer presents, he gives him a few gentle taps on the back to cheer him up.

"Have you been discharged from irrigation yet?"

"Yes, I brought the form today, one of the girls helped me with it." When he says your name out loud, Hershel smiles under his beard.

"Very well, in that case I'll let you finish so you can leave it watered tomorrow." He bid him farewell. "Will we see you next meeting?"

"Sure, I'll be there." He nods and as Hershel walks away he walks back to the tractor.

**

Water rushes out of the raft tube beginning to fill. John howls with glee as he sees the clean water begin to fill his well and lets it continue to do so, when it is about to fill completely he will open the canal to fill the corn field. Today he is going to focus on the water, he doesn't want to lose a drop or have it overflow from the pond and not notice. He has some papers to sort out so he goes back inside the house listening to the splashing of the water behind him.

The house papers are finally in order, the last bills that were in his name are paid, everything he had in the city finally seems resolved and for a second he feels his heart soar, he is tempted to call Mark to tell him that everything is resolved, that his debts are settled, but he restrains himself, no, he can do this on his own, maybe he will call him later or talk to him at the meeting next week, but not now.

He hears a motor in the street that alerts him. He gets up from the couch walking out to the driveway, a pickup truck parks next to the corn fence. He frowns, the raft isn't full yet, but he takes the opportunity to approach too and opens the channel so that the sprinklers start watering the field. Then you get out of the truck and greet him with a smile.

"Good morning." You say approaching towards him, John relaxes and nods when you are closer.

"Good morning... Is something wrong?" he questions you rubbing his hands against his jeans.

"No, no, Hershel asked me to come and bring you something." You play it cool and point to the back of the vehicle.

John raises an eyebrow curiously, makes sure the water is under control and follows you discovering in the back a power tiller strapped down with several straps so it wouldn't move from the rattling dirt ground. He gasps in surprise and leans against the truck, looking at the tool with curiosity. It may be about five years old, but it's in perfect condition, the blades are still sharp, the wheel hasn't lost any air, there's no rust at first glance and no major parts are missing.

"It's fantastic, but... I don't think I can afford it."

"No need, Hershel says he doesn't need it, at the farm we use a newer model." You explain and climb into the load of the truck to untie the power tiller.

"Are you his daughter?" he asks you as he climbs up too to help you, it's a heavy machine and he doesn't want you to hurt yourself.

"Hershel's? No." A laugh escapes you. "I'm friends with one of his daughters, Maggie, I give them a hand with the animals and the fields." You shrug and between the two of you lower the device to the ground.

"Do you help out in the fields too?" He looks at you in surprise and reaches over to shut off the water as the raft is pretty full and lets it run off into the corn field, then fills it back up. "When do you sleep?" he jokes and you let out a chuckle with a shrug.

"I like it, I do it in my spare time, I'm not always there, and less so now that the winter season is approaching." You laugh again and John watches you silently.

"Hey... Can I ask you a favor?"

"Yeah, sure, tell me."

"I need advice about fruit trees." He gestures to you and you follow him to the other side of the farm. "I want to put all the fruit trees here, peach, almond, some plum, lemon or orange trees, or both..." He bites his nail thoughtfully. "Maybe a hundred of each... What do you think?"

"Not a bad idea... You said you were going to sell some at the nursery, right?" John nods and you mentally do the math. "In that case you should put in two hundred of each... otherwise the production will be too tight for your consumption and then the sale." You explain.

"Can you advise me what will go best for this time of year? Or for this land in general."

"Sure, you can stop by the nursery anytime and we'll look at what we can order, we'll have it all ready for the winter season, which will start in mid-December..." You look at him hesitating a bit as you imagine he would want to get started on something already.

"Uhm and if I buy them now, from those you have in the nursery..."

"They're a bit more expensive, I wouldn't recommend you buy them like that..."

"Ok, then tomorrow I'll come by the nursery."

"Okay, well I've got to get to work now, I'll see you tomorrow, John."

"Yeah, and thanks for bringing me the tiller." He looks at you gratefully, you smile sheepishly as you shake your head and walk back to the truck along with his company. "See you tomorrow." He bids you farewell and lets you leave his farm, following the trail of the car with his eyes.

When the car disappears from his field of vision, John checks the corn field, turns off the water and lets the raft fill completely and pulls his phone out of his pocket to call Mark.

"You remembered me sooner today, I'm flattered." He listens on the other end and snorts through his nose.

"If I don't call you you get all hysterical mother, so I go ahead." He defends himself.

"Speaking of mothers, have you called yours?"

"Yes, you know I have, I'm sure she's called you too."

"A couple of times, just to make sure you're okay, are you okay?"

"I'm fine..." He rolls his eyes. "That's why I'm calling, I'm still working on the farm and it keeps my mind busy."

"I'm glad, I think this change will do you good, John."

**

He closes the van door walking towards the nursery entrance as he puffs hard on his cigarette and blows the smoke out his nose. He flicks the butt on the ground before entering and walks up to the counter where one of your coworkers is standing.

"I think they're surviving." He laughs softly. "I was just coming to take a look at the trees you have..."

"Hi, how are things at the farm?" She asks him curiously.

"Did they explain the rates for the campaign?"

"Yes, but I wanted to take something with me already anyway, so I'll have something in advance next year."

"Very well." With a shout she calls out to you and you appear through one of the greenhouse doors. "Will you show him the fruit tree display?" She asks and you nod.

"Sure, come with me, John."

"Thank you very much." He says to your companion, Rachel, and follows you to the other side of the enclosure where you have several lines of trees already two or three years old.

"Have you decided yet?" You ask him and he shakes his head.

"Not yet, but I wanted to see what you have first."

"I think I'll take ten of each..." He rubs his chin thoughtfully.

He wanders through the different lines of trees, cherry trees, apple trees, Kakis, pear trees, there is a little of everything, he also finds lemon and orange trees, some even already bearing fruit, he smiles brushing his fingers over a still growing orange and you watch him curiously. You cross your arms waiting for him to decide on something, the morning is quiet, you were busy taking inventory and that is certainly more entertaining than crunching numbers.

"We can leave them ready for when you come looking for them..." You nod watching him examine each tree, he may not be an experienced farmer, but he knows what he's looking for.

"Can I leave the order ready for everything, including these?"

"No problem with that, I'll leave everything ready for you."

As you prepare his order your companions don't take their eyes off him, he's only been in town for a few days, he's still an outsider, he knows that, but he didn't expect people to be so intense, nor brazen, he can feel their eyes burning into his skin and he feels nervous. He can't tell exactly if they are judging him or just curious about him.

"Are you alone at the Moonson farm?" one of your companions asks and you stop writing, opening your eyes wide.

"Excuse me?" John blinks several times.

"You always come alone...we were wondering if your wife and children..."

"I'm not married." He cuts off her explanation and looks away, uncomfortably. "Yes, I'm here alone..."

"The house must get huge when you're there."

"Well, I try not to think about that too much, I concentrate on the field." He purses his lips into a line, an uncomfortable smile.

"The order is done." You rush to finish it and give him a copy. "For the display trees you can come by anytime to pick them up and the rest we'll call you when we have it ready." You explain and leave the counter to escort him out so your coworkers don't keep bombarding him with questions.

"Well, thank you, you're really being a great help." He laughs sheepishly and you shake your head.

"That's what we're here for, for anything, you know where to find us." You say goodbye to him and go back inside the tent. "What was that all about?"

"I was just curious, besides, this way you could clear your doubts."

"Doubts?"

"Don't look at me like that, we've all noticed that you like him."

"Oh for..." You mumble and cover your face with both hands. "He's cute, but he's only been here a week, I don't even know him! I-I'm just trying to be nice." You defend yourself but your companions' faces don't change and you decide to hide back in the inventory.

You need to get your mind on something else.

**

John parks the truck in the driveway of the Greene family farm, he wants to thank Hershel for the power tiller. As he drives up to the house he notices how large the man's land is, he has animals, crops, horses. He is a really busy man. He hesitates for a moment when he reaches the front door, but knocks and steps back a few paces, waiting. Beth opens the door and smiles at him.

"Hi, can I help you with something?"

"Uhm, I was just coming to see your father, is he home?"

"He's in the stables, treating one of the horses."

"Then I'll come another time, I don't want to intrude."

"No, no need. Come with me." She leaves the house leading John toward the stables where Hershel is handling a mare who looks uneasy. "Dad, John Rollins is here to see you." She tells him and the man releases the animal for a second.

"John, hi, I wasn't expecting you here."

"I was just coming back from town and wanted to stop by to thank you for the power tiller." He explains holding out his hand as a thank you, Hershel shakes it tightly and smiles under his beard. "As soon as I'm done with the orchard I'll give it back to you."

"No, that's not necessary, consider it a welcome gift."

"I can't accept it, it's in perfect condition, I... I can pay for it in installments."

"We don't use it here anymore, really you can keep it." He insists. "Don't do that to a poor old man."

"Dad..." Beth interjects and Hershel laughs again.

"It's okay, I don't want there to be any fighting." John jokes. "I'll keep it, but on one condition."

"You say."

"Let me help you in your fields, I need to learn to cultivate my own..."

"I can help you with yours, I can ask one of my boys to give you a hand, surely they remember it all better than I do."

"But I'd still owe you a favor." He protests and Hershel snorts thoughtfully.

"In that case help me with Nelly, I have to change a shoe that's bothering her and I alone can't handle it." He offers, John doesn't particularly like horses, but accepts the deal. "And then you'll help me with the barbecue, today my men have worked hard and deserve a good dinner."

"Of course." John smiles a little more cheerfully, Beth leaves them alone and walks over to Hershel laying his plaid shirt over the door of the horse's stall as he holds it from the bit.

"All right, hold her steady." He asks him and the two men get down to business.

Managing and handling Nelly is more difficult than he expects. The animal is skittish and nervous, every time Hershel holds her paw the animal keeps kicking and rolling around, but they finally manage to change her shoe and leave the animal alone who is already starting to get stressed.

"Thank you, John."

"It was nothing, shall we go get the barbecue?" he jokes wiping the sweat from his forehead.

**

The atmosphere is pleasant, Hershel and his family have set up a large table near the barbecue with wooden benches so that everyone can eat comfortably, he smiles turning some pork ribs, there are several employees, Beth talks to a young guy that he imagines is Jimmy, Hershel places the plates and cutlery next to Patricia. Then he sees you appear with Maggie and an Asian boy who is holding hands with the Greene's oldest daughter, you are still wearing your work clothes, but your face is more relaxed and you laugh with the couple quietly.

"Would you like one?" Beth's voice brings him out of his thoughts and he sees her offering him a can of coke, John smiles gratefully taking the can.

"Thanks, it's actually too hot in here." He jokes and the young blonde smiles sheepishly.

"Dad likes to barbecue, but he always tricks someone to avoid the fire." She laughs looking at him regretfully and he gestures, understanding and nods laughing as well.

"He's a good player, no doubt."

"I'll let Jimmy know to take care of the meat, in case you want to walk around and talk to someone." She shrugs and walks away leaving John alone again.

When Jimmy replaces him and walks around the table, a few people stop to talk, introduce themselves and John feels comfortable, some are carrying beer in their hands, but he doesn't feel uncomfortable around them, he feels a touch on his arm and sees you next to him with a soda.

"Learning to be a farmer?" you joke pointing to his tank top and plaid shirt tied around his waist.

"Horse breaker." You both laugh at his comment. "I came to thank him for the power tiller and he's roped me into making the meat." He jokes again and you nod.

"Oh yeah, that's Hershel's best trick, be careful or he'll do it every chance he gets."

John eats and stands on one side of the table watching curiously, the group is varied, both in age and people in particular and they all fit together perfectly, they talk to each other, share stories, laugh out loud. It all seems really familiar. Their eyes fall on you then, with the Greene sisters, talking and laughing too, joking, you are totally at your ease, comfortable, relaxed, enjoying the food and the company. Your gazes meet for a moment, your smile doesn't falter, but stop talking without looking away from him, John smiles a little too, but doesn't look away either.

***

To be continued...

****

Okay I hope you liked it!!

See you in the next chapters!!

[thena0315]

Restaurant Scene

*Shout out to Munch 😢

[bignickrgxa2]

Wrestlemania 40 spoilers:

SPOILERS FOR THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA 40!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Cody Vs Roman match was the perfect ending to not only Roman's story, but really is next level, 1000/10 smartest booking I've possibly ever seen.

In terms of Roman, Roman was booked as he always is: Dominant. He didn't look weak in defeat, the Bloodline interference never made him look weak, just smart. But he outsmarted himself, the Bloodline rules shit, getting the Rock involved, pissed off the wrong people. Cody kicking out of the move that ended WM39, showing how much stronger he is. Solo taking out Cena coming back to haunt the Bloodline. Taker having his status as the Final Boss of WWE threatened? As Luke Owen from Wrestletalk said "The Dong is loose!". Cody essentially being endorsed by three of Vince's most successful creations, securing HHH's future face of the company, the first HHH guy?! Fucking perfect. One last massive moment for The Undertaker, some retribution for Cena, and Roman taking the pinfall. Vince McMahon's era is completely over. Long live the King of Kings.

Really though the true masterstroke? Seth "Freakin" Rollins.

Seth knew he was fucked. He knew he couldn't actually make any physical difference in the match because of how beat up he was. Thing about Seth though, is that he knows Roman better than ANYBODY. He didn't have to throw a single punch to turn the eye of Sauron from Cody to himself. The fucking Shield theme, the gear, the chair, the blonde hair. The eternal feud between Seth and Roman was enough to cost Roman EVERYTHING because Seth KNEW that Roman would not be able to help himself, the situation was too similar, the opportunity too juicy to turn down. Seth knew he was going to end up with a chair to the back, and he KNEW it was going to cost Roman his championship.

Absolute fucking perfection.

[rqgnarok]

leave a light on - nolan price

prequel for love you better now, but can be read individually

fandom: law & order, law & order special victims unit

wc: 4,735

warnings: canon presence of injuries, blood, violence, weapons, and hospitals. female reader.

summary: nolan's wife gets shot. he tries and fails to deal with that.

author's note below! masterlist / ko-fi / ao3

Nolan misses Liv’s call thrice before he calls for a recess.

The first two he’s stuck cross-examining the DA’s witness and he doesn’t realize how many times Liv has tried to get him on the phone until the third time she calls. He can’t answer, obviously– Judge MacNamara is lenient but not enough for Nolan to take a call in the middle of the day– but the call goes to voicemail and his screen lights up with Liv’s other attempts to reach him.

He immediately knows it’s bad. And he immediately knows it’s about his wife.

His chest constricts with his panic, breath catching and refusing to enter his lungs as his brain tries to catch up to the situation. The courtroom is suddenly too small and suffocating, his tie a noose around his neck.

It takes McNamara calling his name several times and the DA snidely wondering if the defense needs a minute for Nolan to somewhat snap out of it, pressing on Liv’s contact before the judge finishes adjourning for the day.

“Nolan,” she says, shaky. 

Not Price, which is what he’d expect from his wife’s coworker. They’re all friends, sure, but during work hours they fall into the habit of keeping everyone at arm’s length. Not right now, for some reason, and Nolan is tiptoeing the line between fine and about to crumble on the courthouse steps from a knock-out panic attack. 

“What happened?” Because something must’ve happened. His wife has one of the most dangerous jobs out there, life-endangering experiences being the norm and coming home not-dead being a good day. But if Liv is calling– if Liv is calling and (Y/N) isn’t…

Nolan has been psyching himself up for this day since (Y/N) first told him about joining the police academy. He’s still somehow not ready. 

He will never be ready for this. 

Olivia hesitates for a second too long and Nolan’s fear gets the best of him. “Olivia. What happened?”

Her voice cracks at (Y/N)’s name. Nolan grips his briefcase so tightly on the way to the hospital that his hand goes numb, nails digging into the skin of his palm until it’s red and tender. 

The knot of anxiety in his belly doesn’t unclench despite the quick, easy ride to the hospital. New York traffic seems to be doing him a favor, but it isn’t the physical distance he’s worried about. That one at least he’s able to cross. There’s nothing he can do if his wife is… if she…

Nolan finds a sea of cops and NYPD blue as soon as he crosses the threshold into Bellevue, worried and talking over each other as they watch over one of their injured own. None of them are familiar faces and his panic increases tenfold, the sound of his heartbeat in his ears drowning out doctors, officers, and detectives. 

Suddenly, the sea of people parts for her, and Olivia is in his line of sight, giving Nolan’s brain something to focus on other than the never-ending possibilities of what he might be facing here. She looks disheveled, shirt askew and vest still halfway on; her hair out of place, and her expression haunted, but no blood. There’s no blood on her and it's an important distinction for Nolan to make when she seizes his free hand in hers.

“Nolan,” she says, and her voice sounds like static, just like it did on the phone. It isn’t the line but Nolan’s brain filled with noise, like cotton in his ears and mouth and eyes stopping him from receiving the world clearly. “Nolan, are you okay?”

“What happened?” he asks again. Liv hadn’t explained, not really. She only told him that (Y/N) was hurt and they were taking her to Bellevue. You should come too, she’d said, and should had sounded more like need, which did nothing to soothe Nolan’s raising hackles.

Nolan’s breath stutters. He knows what happened, but he can’t comprehend it. The hand holding his briefcase is shaking. He asks once more when Liv only blinks at him, mouth open and no words coming out. “What happened?”

“We were chasing a suspect via foot,” and Nick’s there, too, by Liv’s side, like an apparition Nolan might’ve conjured. His brows are furrowed, jaw tense. “We caught him mid-rape and separated to cover more ground. No one had mentioned a gun during their disclosures, he wasn’t supposed to be armed.”

“(Y/N) caught up to him first,” Liv continues, voice dry, shaking her head. “He– Shots went off but we didn’t know– he must’ve known we were onto him. Got his hands on a gun after the first wave of assaults.”

Nolan bites the inside of his cheek. He tastes blood and thinks of his wife, and stops.  

“She was alone for two minutes tops,” Nolan wonders if Liv thinks she’s being reassuring. “She’d been shot, we called a bus right away.”

“Where?” Nolan asks tightly.

Liv blinks. Nick answers, “What?”

“Where, where in her body was she shot, how–” he struggles for a full breath and only comes out half successful. “How bad is it?”

Silence. 

“Did you– did you not see her?” he wonders, biting. Nolan turns back and forth between his wife’s coworkers, losing his patience. “Were you there, was she– Jesus, Liv, how bad is it?”

“The bullet hit her chest,” Nolan loses all fiery, defensive passion right then and there. His own heart stops for a second, or at least that’s what it feels like when his chest is engulfed by a pressing ache that numbs him all over. 

“They took her straight into surgery,” Nick continues when Nolan doesn’t say anything to that, unable to leave his partner to the wolves. “Liv rode with her in the ambulance but there wasn’t– it’s in their hands now. They’re taking care of her, pal, okay? She’s getting help.”

Where was the help when she was alone chasing after a fucking criminal, where the hell were you, huh he wants to say; wants to shout and curse and point and make a scene, but the words get stuck in his throat and in the next blink he finds himself seated in the waiting room, still surrounded by cops.

God, Nolan thinks, pressing his fingers to his tightly closed lids. When, in their fifteen years of knowing each other, could he have seen this coming? The bright-eyed, furiously righteous kid halfway through law school and the pretty girl who took one of his classes as an elective, only to completely destroy one of his classmates during a debate that made up half their grade.

Nolan had watched, mouth barely open in amazement as quiet, back-of-the-class (Y/N) didn’t flinch while delivering the final blow and bringing her team to victory. She snuck out before he could talk to her– do something stupid like congratulate her with stars in his eyes and an invitation for coffee on his tongue, but it didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter because the next weekend his roommate dragged him to a party and she was there, she was everywhere now that Nolan was unconsciously looking out for her. He ran into her in the hallways from one class to another, in the library, at parties and restaurants. It was like the world was screaming at him here! Here, look this way! Here it is, the rest of your life waiting for you! All you gotta do is look! 

He’d been there for hours already, bored and annoyed out of his mind when he saw her across the room. After nursing the same red cup of warm beer and looking at his watch every couple of minutes, calculating the appropriate time to bail he saw her. She’d been leaning against a wall, her expression changing from concealed humor to disbelief to a laugh that had her hiding behind her hand, entertained by whoever she’d been speaking to.

Who it was, Nolan doesn’t remember. He doesn’t even think about the cliche of it all, how the world faded when their eyes locked across the room and (Y/N) gave him a smile, shy, shrugging and turning back to her conversation. 

The funny pressure on his chest didn’t dissipate when he finally got a chance to exchange words with her. After the final exam, Nolan left the lecture hall and sat heavily on a bench by the door, catching his breath from the adrenaline of a month worth of study finally being over. 

(Y/N) was there, too, smiling sheepishly up at him as she crouched against the wall, elbows on her knees. Her expression brims with shy recognition as she nods. “How’d you do?”

She was talking about the exam. Nolan’s embarrassed to this day by the time it took for him to catch up. His cheeks were flushed when he answered. “I’m, uh, not flushing out yet, I hope.”

“You don’t sound too sure.”

“Ask me after I’ve slept some 12 hours,” he sighed, messing nervously with his hair. “Things usually seem less dire by then.”

“Would some coffee do the trick?” and Nolan didn’t know it then, but (Y/N) was nervous, bravery swelling inside her chest as she asked him for the first day of the rest of their lives. In the end, she’d been the one to catch up to all the signs, all the serendipitous opportunities to finally end up where they were supposed to. 

“Coffee can work,” Nolan, young and eager, said slowly. He couldn’t stop grinning, high with lack of sleep and the attention of a pretty girl. “You’re buying?”

“It’s only fair,” she shrugged, but there was something giddy about her expression that he still sees in her face to this day sometimes, bright and young. “You look like you’re about to drop dead.”

“And I still seem like worthy company?”

“I think we can pull a few good hours out of you yet,” a few hours, a few years; Nolan will be as sleepless as he was then on his wedding day out of pure excitement. They’ll have spent the night before the ceremony talking on the phone while they slept in separate rooms because their friends are sentimental little fucks like that and wouldn’t let him even kiss her goodbye before the big day. 

He’d described the few hours apart as agony in his vows, had made the crowd laugh and (Y/N) cry with the sentiment, and he wishes he hadn’t now. He shouldn’t have said a damned thing, shouldn’t have manifested any sort of agony into their lives because now the illusion cuts off sharply, and then he’s back in the waiting room, a nurse calling (Y/N)’s name while he plays with his wedding ring and bites the inside of his cheek, staring blankly into the hallway. 

Liv’s still there for some reason, as are some other officers and Amaro, while the others hunt down the man who landed their friend in the hospital. Munch had snapped at the Captain when he told him he couldn’t stay. Fin had to lead Amanda out of the hospital by the shoulders, too stricken to do it herself. 

Liv and Amaro stand when they hear the nurse but it takes Nolan a few moments to gather himself back together enough to pay attention. She tells them, gently, “She’s out of surgery. She lost a lot of blood, but only some of the bullet’s fragments hit her heart. It was touch and go but the doctor was able to extract all of them.”

Nolan’s lungs open up and he gets the first full breath washing over his body since Liv called. He must make a sound, because the attention in the room shifts to him, suffocating and inquisitive. His vision blurs for a second, not because of tears but adrenaline, his heartbeat pumping in his ears.

“She’s extremely lucky,” she continues, and she’s looking right at Nolan when she says this, like it's supposed to help. Like that’s what luck means, almost-but-not-quite bleeding out while your heart is stitched up back together. “Most people with injuries like this don’t even make it past the ambulance.”

Nolan closes his eyes in anguish. He presses his closed fists against his forehead, elbows on his knees, back hunched. It’s almost like he’s trying to disappear into himself, away from the image of an ambulance opening its doors when arriving at the hospital only to be met with his flatlining wife, the sound echoing through his brain and overriding every other of his senses.  

“There’s still a long way to go,” she continues, softer, realizing she’s hit a nerve. She turns to Liv and Nick, who are paying rapt attention even as Nick walks close to him to put a hand on Nolan’s shoulder, tight and steady. “She won’t wake up anytime soon. Her body needs rest and to recuperate from the most acute of her injuries. And the doctor would like to talk about next steps once she does.”

Next steps, Nolan thinks. Next steps, the only next steps he’s aware of are those that lead to his wife, the nurse walking him to her room. Olivia and Amaro trail behind him like a couple of guard dogs, standing alert for any sign of Nolan backing out or collapsing into his grief.

He just might. He feels queasy, nauseous with exhaustion and worry. But then he sees his wife, and, really, nothing else matters. 

“Sweetheart,” he says, devastated, walking to her bed across the hospital room. “Oh, honey.”

Despite his eagerness to touch her, Nolan flails when (Y/N)’s finally within arms reach. She looks asleep for one blissful, hopeful moment, but then Nolan blinks and the light settles; the ashiness of her skin, the uncomfortable placing of her body, the blank expression devoid of dreams or nightmares or consciousness. 

He’d usually be embarrassed to have a witness to such a personal display of affection, but not even Liv and Nick standing tall at the door can stop Nolan from eventually cupping (Y/N)’s face in his hands and kissing the apple of her cheek, lingering and gentle. He’s afraid of touching the rest of her, of jostling her too badly, but the steady noise of the heart rate monitor is a constant, loud reminder that (Y/N) won’t fall apart that easily.

Liv and Nick linger behind him, talking quietly amongst themselves in sharp whispers. It might or might not be an argument, and in Nolan’s mind it feels like both an eternity and a couple of seconds. He would kick them out if he could gather the energy to care about it. Eventually, Benson takes a few apprehensive steps into the room, seemingly having lost whatever fight she and her partner were having. 

“We’re on our way out,” she murmurs. “There’s a lead on our guy, the Captain’s calling us all back to the precinct. But if there’s anything…”

She trails off. Nolan doesn’t answer, studies instead the bridge of (Y/N)’s nose and the shape of her eyebrows, tries to count her eyelashes and catalog the bruises on her face. Liv sighs defeatedly and reaches for him.  

“Whatever you need,” Liv says firmly with a hand on his arm. Still, her steady presence is undermined by the way she keeps looking at (Y/N) like she’s already attending a funeral. Nolan suddenly can’t stand her, even if she rode the ambulance with (Y/N) to the hospital and kept her semi-conscious until the doctors took her off her hands. “We’re here for you, alright? All of us, Nolan. I’m serious.”

“Thanks,” he says, voice rough and cracked from swallowing down his panic and tears. He clears his throat but it does little to clear up his words. “Thank you, Liv. For everything.”

Her lips tighten in an unpleased line, but she nods and leaves the room with one last squeeze to his shoulder. He’s being ungrateful, the fact doesn’t escape him. Liv’s the one who found her, who held her hand in the ambulance before they drove her off to surgery. Nolan owes Benson his life.

The thought alone makes him so nauseous he has to clench his eyes shut, jaw tight, entire body trembling. God, what would he have done? What will he do, if something happens to (Y/N)? She isn’t out of the woods yet and if something goes wrong, if her body decides to cave in, if the wound gets infected, if there’s something they didn’t catch, if, if, if, if–

He lifts his head and catches his wife’s face, lax and motionless. Once again, the panic settles. He hasn’t gotten the chance to let it unfold the way it needs to. 

“I finally got you on your own,” Nolan says, soft, careful not to disturb the semblance of peace in the room. (Y/N) doesn’t answer, no matter how badly Nolan wants her to. “You’re very popular. A tough one to find these days, you know.”

She wasn’t even supposed to be in today. Cragen had called mere hours after they’d gone to bed– at the same time for the first time in weeks– and Nolan had done his best to stay up after the phone rang and (Y/N) began quickly getting ready. She’d kneeled next to his side of the bed and Nolan had leaned in to kiss her without thought, an automatic notion he wishes he’d paid more attention to now. 

I’ll call you when I can, she nudged her nose against his temple before pressing a kiss there. Nolan had already been half asleep at that point. Love you.

Love you back, Nolan mumbled, jutting his chin forward blindly. One more. 

He continues as if (Y/N) had spoken. “You’ve got half of the NYPD out there waiting on you. The nurses are rioting, but I don’t think anyone’ll leave until you wake up.”

Nolan’s voice loses the battle, it breaks right at the end of his sentence and so does his composure, eyes burning with tears that for some goddamned reason just won’t fall.

“Please,” he begs to the sky, to God, to no one. “Please, please, please. Wake up.”

He presses his forehead to his wife’s limp hand maybe a little too harshly. Even if the skin is cold and her grip is nonexistent, the relief the touch brings Nolan has him sobbing.

An hour ago she was in surgery, out of reach and sight even if she was already getting help.

Three hours ago she was bleeding out in some alleyway in Queens, struggling for her radio to call for help. Seven hours ago she was kissing him goodbye, smiling against his mouth despite the dark nature of the sudden case because Nolan kept pulling her in for one more kiss.

One more, one more, one more, his pleads begs now. Wake up and give me one more, sweetheart, come on now.

“Please, honey,” he whispers, wet and nasal with emotion. “I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready yet, I didn’t– I don’t–”

The words don’t come. Nolan chokes, holds (Y/N)’s hand in his own, and breathes, breathes, and breathes. 

—

Life moves on. 

Nolan doesn’t cry. God knows why, but he can’t, his body on automatic while his mind solely focuses on (Y/N)’s condition. The nurses know him by name and he makes record time to the apartment and back to the hospital for showers and quick naps, some food for the little appetite he has. 

He doesn’t even think to be offended when his boss places him on indefinite leave. Nolan can’t bring himself to care, he would’ve stacked up every sick day and vacation time available to stay at (Y/N)’s side as much as he could anyway. 

The squad offers to stand guard almost daily, which Nolan appreciates, but his object permanence has gone to shit. Whenever he doesn’t have eyes on (Y/N) his panic rises again like a tidal wave, never quite crashing but dwindling whenever he sits next to her at the hospital, hand on her ankle or arm or somewhere he can easily look for her pulse, weak but steady. 

It’s desperate, he knows, and more than a little pathetic, but Nolan feels like he’s allowed. Until (Y/N) wakes up to tell him he’s been worrying over nothing he will do as he pleases.

He talks to her. It’s another coping method that borders on delusion but no one has called him out of it yet. Not even Liv and Amaro, who have caught him more than once speaking quietly into the lull of the hospital room, holding his wife’s hand and drawing soothing motions with his thumb against her skin.

Mom drove into the steps again. The ones in the driveway? They were already loose from last time and now she has Dad driving through every Home Depot in North Carolina to find the right match. 

Jill sends her best. Last time I saw her she was talking my ear off about her kid’s college fund. Apparently her husband lost half of it during Tuesday night with the boys, whatever that means.

Munch says he owes you 20 bucks from the Giants game from two weeks ago? Which is weird, because you haven’t watched a full game since, like, ‘02. Not like you’re missing anything, but still, your accuracy to outsmart Munch in his own line of work is pretty outstanding. 

It helps. Or it helps enough; whenever he ventures over what they’ll do once she’s awake and at home together the illusion breaks and so does Nolan’s voice. He trails off, feeling foolish, the weight of his delusion pressing on his chest.    

“It’s not silly,” Munch tells him during one of his visits, the book he’s been reading to (Y/N) resting on his lap. “It’s helpful and it doesn’t hurt anyone. You’re talking to your wife. If I’d done more of that back in my day then maybe I’d still be married.”

“To which one?” Nolan asks, his lips tingling with the want to almost smile.

Munch points at him as if saying yahtzee. “Exactly.”

He’s so sure it calms Nolan more than you’d expect. So far Munch is the only other person who talks about (Y/N) like she’s still alive and thus, the only one who doesn’t make inexplicable helpless rage wash over Nolan whenever they’re in the same room. 

He’s the one with him when (Y/N) wakes. She does so in a panic, waking Nolan up from his uncomfortable sleep in the chair next to her bed. It’s a sudden flail after another as her heart rate monitor goes crazy and she doesn’t answer any call of her name, terrified and in pain.

It’s awful. Nolan doesn’t think he’ll ever forget how she almost tears at her stitches mid her panic while doctors and nurses gather around her and kick Nolan out with quick accuracy. There’s nothing he can do to help and he knows it, but he’s never supposed to be in a position in which he can’t help her.

He’s doomed to watch from a glass window, helpless, as his wife suffers without anyone to reach out to.  

She woke up but had to be sedated, a nurse tells him after, it’s normal for patients to be unaware of their surroundings after waking up from long periods of unconsciousness. We still haven’t been able to determine neurological damage, so we’ll have to wait until it wears off. 

“Kid, kid, hey,” Munch says, oddly alarmed after coming back from the cafeteria with two coffees and finding Nolan sitting outside (Y/N)’s room, crying into his knees. “What’s wrong, what happened? I was gone for fifteen minutes–”

Nolan tries to explain but the words get caught up in his throat, his grief taking over his sense of logic. She woke up, he meant to say. She woke up and she didn’t know where she was and I stood by like an idiot to watch her suffer. 

After he’s talked down from a panic attack he says, voice a mere croak. “She woke up. They don’t know– but she woke up.”

Munch sighs, visibly relieved as he squats next to Nolan, squeezing his shoulder in support. “Good. That’s good, hey– Nolan. That’s good, okay? That’s one step closer to getting her back. This is good.”

He repeats those words to himself like a mantra. This is good, this is good, this is good, and doesn’t dare to close his eyes for something other than blinking until (Y/N)’s conscious. It’s hours later, deep into the night when she opens her eyes again, groggy and disoriented, blinking into the dark hospital room. 

“Honey,” he says, quiet and so, so relieved. (Y/N) doesn’t appear to hear him and a flash of fear seizes his heart. He presses the button and calls for a nurse, edging closer to the bed. “(Y/N/N). Hey, honey, you with me?”

Arduously slowly, (Y/N) follows the sound of his voice. She blinks at him, gulping and saying, dry as the Sahara. “Nole.”

It’s the most glorious thing he’s ever heard. The smile that pulls at his mouth is unconscious, ripped from him almost against his will. He goes to touch her face, hands shaky and reverent. “Yeah. Yeah, sweetheart, it’s me.”

He offers her a drink and grips her hand all through the nurse’s examination, which she passes with flying colors. While she’s tinkering with her IV, (Y/N) asks him, “Bellevue?”

“Yeah,” he says grimly, thumb rubbing soothing motions against her skin, trying to infuse some warmth. 

“Shot?” she wonders next.

Nolan hesitates. “You don’t remember?”

“Guessin’,” she slurs, tired, blinks getting longer each time she closes her eyes. 

The nurse pipes up then with the same explanations she’s given Nolan the past few weeks: the bullet to her heart, the long-lasting surgery, and the even longer coma. (Y/N) nods in all the right places but her head rests against the pillow and her expression remains blank, like she’s not retaining any information.

“Anyone… else?” she asks.

“No,” Nolan responds, watching how tension falls off her frame when he confirms this fact. He wishes he felt the same, a selfish part of him wishes it had been someone else; Liv or Amaro or Fin here in this hospital bed instead of his wife. It’s true, even if the thought is followed by guilt. “No, everyone’s fine, honey. Working their asses off and worried out of their minds, but okay. It’s just you.”

(Y/N) hums and then promptly falls back asleep, breaths settling into an even rhythm. It’s then that his eyes water and his tears fall on the scratchy hospital sheets where (Y/N) lays.  Oh, Nolan thinks, almost surprised by them. So this is what it takes.  

Nolan bows his head and lets himself cry in silence. His breath keeps hitching, and the nauseating feeling of panic he’s been nursing for weeks finally explodes. He can’t feel his hands and feet, body numb all over. 

The next time he looks up, hours later, is because (Y/N)’s reaching to touch his face, tender and shaky. He snaps to attention like a soldier called to his battalion, but there’s no trouble chasing after them, no bad thing happening for once. They’re okay, alone and safe in her hospital room while nurses and doctors and visitors keep passing by just outside the door.

“You haven’t slept,” (Y/N) croaks out as she drops her hand from where she’d been gently pressing at the bags under Nolan’s eyes, tired from that simple movement. Her chest rises and falls with breaths that are a little too labored, but her eyes are fixed on her husband, worried. “Nole.”

It almost makes him smile: (Y/N) worrying about other people while she lies with a hole in her heart on a hospital bed. Nolan would laugh if he were sure it wouldn’t immediately turn into crying again, but there’s nothing funny about this. Nothing.

“‘m alright,” he promises, weak and croaky and wet from previous cries. (Y/N) looks a little too out of it, but also like she doesn’t believe him for a moment. He amends: “I will be. And so will you. You’re gonna be okay, honey.”

happy new year!!! i wanted to start the year giving you a little something after being so absent the last couple of months and i've had this piece in my drafts for ages! it was originally waaay longer but i thought i'd end it on a happy note and maybe make a part two if anyone's interested?

anyway! i hope you guys enjoy what has become one of my favorite pairings to write and i hope you had a good time last night and a great 2024! thank you for reading!

<3

[malevolent-muse]

⛊✋⛊

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And you can always join the Law&Order/Chicago fandom community here -> https://www.tumblr.com/join/iEenLCp2

[dynamitekansai]

WWE CROWN JEWEL (NOVEMBER 4, 2023)

[kayyybenson]

This Barbie SVU

[luizd3ad]

So I started watching SVU and all I have to say is.. John Munch 😮‍💨 I got an idea for a soulmate au for him and I just ah I needed to share

[toseefarardenagain]

“The Doors achieved something more than just music. Morrison’s furious. The song “Break on Through (To the Other Side)” blew my mind. It was fast, and the singer yelled. There was a lyric that grabbed me: “I found an island in your arms/Country in your eyes/Arms that chain/Eyes that lie/Break on through to the other side.” That’s heavy, and the way he’s screaming, for a little kid it’s kind of terrifying. Then when I got older, as a young late teenager, early 20-something guy, you hear The Doors in a totally different way. You hear the poetry, you hear the power of the lyric and then you find out he read Arthur Rimbaud, so you got to go get Arthur Rimbaud’s writing, and that’s monumental. That he was into Antonin Artaud, you read that stuff which is really far out and you become even more inspired. The story of the band is steeped in myth-tinged legend, but the facts of their brief history are as compelling as they are at times tragic. Jim Morrison was a true wild man of rock & roll.” — Henry Rollins

[cosmoweirdkid]

[blackbirdsnonsense]

I'm still trying to figure out if The Evil Queen raided the closest of Elton John or Seth Rollins to get this outfit for Raven. Cause honestly it would be either of them.

[littlegodzilla]

Here I am again!

I come with the last chapter of The Farmer.

Thank you so much for being with me along this story, I love your comments and your rebloggings. I was scared because I never wrote anything about John Rollins before, but I'm glad you all enjoyed the fic.

I hope this last one will be great too.

Enjoy!!

The Farmer Masterlist.

*******

The Farmer.

John Rollins x FemReader.

Mini series. Final Chapter.

Warnings: Smut. Fluff. Fighting. Happy Ending. Enemies to Friends.

Words: 3800.

Summary: You meet Linds and John loves his new life, finally.

Taglist: @minervadashwood @green-eyedladywrites @freshlemontea

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

≈≈≈≈≈≈

John feels the sun begin to stream in through the bedroom window, he grimaces squeezing his eyes shut as he settles back on the bed, his arm clings to your waist and you sigh slapping your ass against his erection. He sighs against your ear still more asleep than awake, but pushes his cock between your buttocks rubbing against them. You mumble in your sleep moving in time with him, John grabs one of your legs and places it over his waist. Your voice catches in your throat, and you open your eyes as you feel him push his way inside your still dilated, juicy pussy at that new angle that gets you fully aroused. You lean your body back, hold the back of his neck and kiss each other eagerly as he moves his hips behind you. The curve of his cock is perfect for this position, as it manages to squeeze and rub that spot inside you that makes you see stars. The pace increases, John rests his forehead on your shoulder, his fingers play with your nipples as you rest your foot on his waist to help with the rhythm you have reached. John mumbles in your ear as he pulls out of your pussy, reaches for your hand to put it on his cock and touches your clit. You both touch each other quickly reaching that limit you were at, John bites your shoulder as he cums in your hand splashing your stomach, staining the sheets, but he doesn't stop his fingers until you yourself reach your orgasm shuddering over his body.

You need to catch your breath one more time, John rests an arm on his forehead feeling it soaked with sweat as he holds your waist so you don't go too far. His cock rests limp against your thigh as you lie on top of him, you don't want to move too much lest his cum slip out and stain you even more.

"Good morning." You dare to speak and hear him laugh.

"Good morning." He replies turning his head and you look at each other and then share a soft kiss. "Are you okay?"

"Never better." You smile amused. "And you?"

"Perfect..." He smiles too and carefully lets you lie back down on the mattress. "Would you like some breakfast? I'll fix something." He tells you putting on some boxer shorts and you nod your head. "Here, clean yourself up with these." He grabs the sheets and wipes your belly and thigh a bit. "Sorry, I didn't mean for this to end up like a mess." He jokes embarrassed and you laugh loudly.

"It's okay, it's fine."

"You can take a shower if you prefer." He shows you where the bathroom is as he rolls up the sheets to wash them.

"Thanks, I'll be right out."

"Okay." He kisses you and leaves you in the bathroom while he goes to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and put the clothes in the washing machine.

In the kitchen he feels strange, his lips keep stretching upwards, he doesn't know how to stop it. He feels like a little boy. He takes some things out of the fridge to make some pancakes, some bacon and scrambled eggs when he sees the flowers in the glass. His smile gets wider then. He really wasn't planning on ending the night like this, he was going to be a gentleman, he was going to take you home again, but having you there, so close, and not being able to touch you was eating him up. The worst part was that once he got his hands on you he was unable to let go.

And now... now he doesn't know if he'll be able to let you go.

His cell phone rings on the living room table bringing him back to reality. He checks the fire and walks quickly to pick it up, the screen reads the name "Tommy" and a cold sweat runs down his back for a second before he picks it up.

"Hello?" He asks in a breathy whisper.

"Dad?" Lindsey's voice on the other end gets his heart to calm down and he smiles against the phone before putting hands free.

"Good morning, beautiful, what are you doing up so early?"

"Good morning daddy, I was watching cartoons..." She says as if it's a secret and John laughs putting the phone aside, to continue cooking.

"I see, are your mom and Tommy sleeping?" he asks and hears her humming in denial.

"Mom went to work and Tommy is making breakfast."

"Are you helping him?"

"He won't let me, I almost burned the kitchen down one day..." She mumbles sheepishly and John laughs loudly.

"Does Tommy know you called me?"

"Yes, he let me call you." John's heart melts as he hears her speak and he pulls breakfast out of the pan. "We want to come see you next week...can we?"

"Of course you can, whenever you want, you are welcome, besides you have to see your room."

"And ride a horse." She reminds him.

"Oh right, I'll talk to Hershel."

"Linds, honey, time for breakfast, say goodbye to your dad." He hears John in the background.

"Ooookaaay, daddy I have to go get breakfast."

"Alright, precious, I'll talk to Tommy about when you're coming to see me, okay?" The little girl hums in agreement and he sighs. "I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, kiss, Daddy." She says goodbye and John tenses his jaw.

"Kiss, sweetie." He says goodbye and hangs up after hearing the intermittent beep on the other end.

You watch him from the kitchen door, John still hasn't realized you're there, which gives you more time to see how his body is completely relaxed, you can't see his face, but you can feel the smile that graces his mouth at that moment. Your heart has melted and beats slowly after hearing him talk to his daughter, that man adores that little girl and you don't even know her, but you know that for him she is his whole world right now.

John turns on his heels to bring breakfast to the table when he spots you. You've put on your dress and you're wearing your hair damp from the shower, your smile is also wide and your eyes sparkle with a twinkle. John feels his cheeks heat up and he clears his throat.

"How long have you been in there?"

"Long enough." You laugh softly. "You adore her..." It's not a question, it's a fact, John sets the dishes down on the table and nods, leaning back against the counter, he sighs.

"I didn't decide to walk away from her... her mother did it for both of us." He tells you and you frown slightly. "I don't blame her, I don't want to put her down as the bad guy, the first year I was insufferable, I was trying to overcome an addiction I wasn't even aware of yet." He smiles sadly and embarrassed, admitting that hurts him, you walk over to him and rest your hands on his shoulders, John looks at you and his hands caress your waist. "I realized my problem later, when I came home and they were gone... Mark, my sponsor, saved my life, if it wasn't for him I would have fallen back into my old vices and I would still be there..." He sighs regretfully. You stroke his hair, lean into him and kiss him slowly, John kisses you too his arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you closer to him. When you break the kiss, he smiles, "I know Mary still hates me for who I was, but I really wish I could be in my daughter's life, as much as she herself will let me." He whispers lowering his gaze again.

"Hey, look at me." You tell him holding him by the chin. "You're a good man, and a good father, I'm sure you will be." You smile stroking his cheeks. "You've fought your problem, you're still fighting, you're five years sober and you've started a new life...I'm sure Linds has nothing against you, she'd love to meet you." You encourage him and he nods, his blue eyes bore into you and you feel them pierce through you.

"I've got you too..." He whispers biting his lip. You look at him with wide eyes, but then smile tenderly and kiss him again.

"And you have me..." You whisper too without stopping touching his cheeks.

You have a leisurely breakfast and spend the rest of the day together, simply enjoying each other's company. In the afternoon John drives you home again, you don't want to worry your parents more than necessary, you say goodbye agreeing to see each other another day, you both know where to find each other, so it's not a problem.

John goes back to the farmhouse and gathers all the things from the guest room to bring them up to the second floor, if Lindsey is going to come visit him he has to set up near his room, it's true he has put some protective bars on his bed, but if the girl needs something in the middle of the night, he wants to be sure to be close enough to hear her. The second largest room is two doors down from his daughter's room, which gives them both privacy, he still makes a mental note to place a lock on the door for the days you stay over, he doesn't want his daughter to witness anything that will traumatize her or give her mother reason to stop him from seeing her again. Dragging the mattress upstairs is more complicated than she thinks at first, but the bed upstairs is dwarfed and she needs to replace it with the one she had in the guest room. When he finally has everything upstairs he feels more cheerful and goes out to check that all the automatic watering is going well and he still has half a full pond, until the day he has to open the irrigation, he has enough.

***********

Tuesday afternoon he is at the A.A. meeting as he is every Tuesday, sometimes he has nothing to tell, he just listens, he empathizes with his fellow members, sometimes he needs to vent, to talk until his throat or head hurts. Today he wants to talk, he wants to tell them everything that has happened to him in those days, his relationship with you, what he is starting.

"Hi, I'm John, alcoholic." He greets them and waits for everyone to respond before continuing. "I actually have a lot to tell, but I'll try to keep it short." He promises and clears his throat. "A couple of weeks ago I went out of town for some legal issues, my ex-partner wanted me to take care of my daughter's expenses, which I don't object to, her name is Lindsey and she is five years old, we didn't get to see each other much, but now she is back in my life and this weekend she is coming to the farm, I have spent all week preparing a great room for her and I really hope she likes it, I don't know what it will be like, I am afraid of screwing up, but I am not alone." His smile gets bigger. "Remember the girl from the previous meeting? I apologized to her for my slip up and we're still good friends, she helped me set up Linds' room and now... We're starting something new, I'm nervous and excited too, she makes me feel good, I feel like I can trust her and... and she's wanting to meet Lindsey and that means a lot to me..." He bites his lip remaining thoughtful. "In the beginning when I first started coming to these meetings, there in town, nothing good ever happened to me, I always came to people happy and content with their lives, but now I understand and I know that everything has come when it was meant to, had it happened earlier I wouldn't have been prepared and maybe things hadn't gone well... I thank this program for all of that." There is applause as he returns to his seat and feels good.

Truly after a long time, John feels at ease with himself and the life he has.

**

Your relationship hasn't changed too much, you still have the comfort of being friends, working together if he needs to, it's just added a stepping stone, you now spend more time at his house and on weekends. Sometimes John felt bad about keeping you with him so much.

"I'm like a rabbit, I'm riding on top of her all day." He said to Mark one day hearing him laugh.

"John, calm down, you've been alone for a long time, your balls are loaded with love. If she's not uncomfortable and likes you riding her, where's the problem?"

Surely there wasn't but she talked to you anyway to make sure everything was okay, to which you removed all her doubts.

"I like what we have, John, you have nothing to worry about." You told him. "Besides, I like to limping around a bit and feel you all the day while I work." You told him in a whisper and John felt his face burn and get hard again.

Mary had put up some blocks to keep John from seeing his daughter, the farmer tried to take it in perspective but he needed to talk to Mark so he wouldn't do anything crazy. It was two long weeks since Mary had refused to go with the girl to the farm.

"She can't do that, Lindsey is your daughter, you have every right to see her." You had been angry when John told you they weren't going and felt a strange pull in your stomach.

You wanted to meet her too.

**

It's Saturday morning, you're both having breakfast in the kitchen, the sprinkler has automatically turned on and you have the day off, so you're going to take it easy for the time being. John is wearing his field pants and you are wearing one of his old shirts as a dress. You hear a car pull up outside and you both look at each other in confusion. You finish dressing before stepping out onto the porch. John opens his mouth to see Lindsey get out of the car along with his mother and Tommy.

"Daddy!" The little girl greets him and runs up to him, John takes her in his arms and kisses her on the cheek.

"What a surprise, what are you guys doing here?" he rocks the little girl in his arms, smiling.

"We've been busy these past few weeks, but we finally got to come." Tommy speaks and looks at him apologetically, John smiles and nods.

"Tom insisted." Mary grunts averting her gaze.

John nods but doesn't say anything, he doesn't want to argue, not today, and hopefully not any day, really what he wants is for everything to finally be in calmer waters and they can consider themselves friends, in a way.

"Hello..." He hears Lindsey's voice on his shoulder and turns his head to look at you, smiling sheepishly.

"Hi." You respond to the girl by waving your hand. John steps back to stand at your level.

Mary detects your presence by frowning, Lindsey smiles pressing herself against her father as you caress her cheek affectionately.

"It's nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about you." You say to the girl who laughs again.

"Is that so? We didn't know about you." Mary speaks again, but Linds snorts.

"She's Dad's girlfriend." She explains to her mother, surprising her. "He told Tommy and me."

"Wow..." She mutters, crossing her arms.

"Not now, Mary." Tommy asks her. "If you'd wanted to listen to me last week, you'd know."

"Do you want to come in and see the house?" interjects John still holding the little girl in his arms. "Do you want to see your room?" he smiles as she makes an excited face and nods her head. "Can you take her upstairs? I want to talk to Tom and Mary first." He asks you, you nod and take the little girl in your arms.

"Come on, honey, let's go see your room." You look at John one last time and walk into the house, leaving the trio outside.

"Thanks for coming." Smiles John again trying to cut the tension of the moment.

"Lindsey was really looking forward to it." Tommy says at the same time Mary snorts.

"I know it's a tense situation, but I wish we could make this as comfortable as possible."

"What's your plan, to be the good guy now? Pretend everything is going well?"

"I'm not pretending anything, but I want Lindsey to be comfortable when we have to see each other, I'm not asking you to invite me to spend Thanksgiving with you or Christmas, but I would like there to be some respect and calm when we are all together."

"Respect?" Mary says in disbelief. "I had to put up with your crap, John, I had to put up with your mood swings..."

"I know, and I'm sorry..."

"I was pregnant! And I was alone!" she looks at him and John doesn't see anger or resentment, there's hurt and sadness.

"I'm really sorry...it was hard, for everyone, but I don't want to take Lindsey away from me...please."

"We've talked about it and we know you're trying, there are things that are still hard to get over, but we're going to try for Lindsey." It is now Tommy who speaks while holding Mary's hand, who nods, but is still nervous.

"Thank you..." He whispers again. "Would you like to see the house?" he insists and this time the three of them enter the house.

John gives them a little tour of the whole house, they seem surprised and like it at the same time, the decor, the organization, the huge space. You go up to the second floor where you immediately hear Lindsey's laughter from her room, the three of you peek through the door discovering that the little girl is playing with you, she is holding a stuffed animal in her hands, with a big head and bulging eyes, it looks soft and has a long purple tail, but it's hard to tell what exactly it is. You both laugh and don't realize they are there, Mary watches the room with her mouth open. Tommy smiles giving John a gentle tap on the shoulder.

"Did you do it all by yourself?"

"No, not by myself. I had help." He shrugs and his gaze falls back to you, the couple look at him then at each other.

"It's good to see you looking so well, John." Tommy repeats. "I'm glad you've come out of it all."

"I still have a long way to go, it's a disease that will be with me until the day I die, but... I feel like I'm heading in the right direction." He shrugs trying not to make a big deal of it.

"Clearly you are...does she know?" Mary asks him.

"Sure, there are still a lot of things I have to tell her, but she doesn't pressure me and listens to me when I feel ready to talk. There are a lot of things I'm still ashamed of and I'm running away from...I need to love myself a little more to feel ready to tell her."

"She's obviously just as crazy as you are, you can skip that part." He hears Mary joke and appreciates that mischievous but non-malicious tone the woman uses with him. It's been a while since he's heard her laugh.

"Would you like to stay for lunch?" he offers then, but the couple denies almost at once.

"Some friends are waiting for us in town, sorry."

"No problem, next time."

"Certainly."

John knows it won't be easy to close that chapter, that Mary still has the walls up that he himself helped put up, he knows he has to work to make sure Lindsey doesn't see him as a stranger and even if she calls him dad, it doesn't sound weird to him, Tommy is a help, he knows that, but he also has a lot to do with himself about his friend, he pushed him away when he was at his worst, they had a loud argument, but he was relieved to know that Mary was with him, he knew Tom would take care of her no matter what, what he never expected was that she would also take care of him, in a way, keeping his memory alive so Lindsey wouldn't forget him. It's a new step, a new change and a challenge, but the small steps have already been taken forward and now she's not going to turn back.

He's been through too much to give up now. He also knows he's not alone.

His eyes fix on you once again, playing with Lindsey, laughing and getting her to have fun with you. You smile at the image, storing it in your memory forever.

Mary and Tommy say goodbye to Linds, they leave a small suitcase with her clothes and some toys, the little girl seems hesitant for her mother to leave, but finally she squeezes her new toy tightly and grabs her father's hand after saying goodbye to the couple. John agrees with Tom to drop the girl off at her house himself, and Tom is fine with that. They say goodbye and you are left alone on the porch.

***********

The visits happen every weekend, sometimes Lindsey has an event, Mary has invited John and you to the school festival at Christmas, Lindsey is in the play and John is proud. Now that the heat is not so hot John has set about preparing the garden soil, while he runs the power tiller, you tidy up the soil making little holes where Lindsey places the seeds, or vegetable bushes, then cover them with soil again and water them with her flower shaped watering can. For Thanksgiving many things on the table are of your own making. John invites the Greene family to the celebration as well as Tommy and Mary, he sets up a huge table in the backyard and you help him set it all up.

Your relationship is going strong, getting to know each other better every day, enjoying each other's company and support. The only thing John hates are the mornings, when your alarm clock goes off and you slip out of his arms to go home and go to work.

"Are you leaving?" John asks you one morning.

"I have to go home to shower and go to work." You nod, you don't like leaving him either.

"This is your house." He then says, getting out of bed, walking over to you. "Why don't you go to your parents' house and bring your stuff here?" he proposes, biting his lip several times. "I-It's been months already..."

"Do you think you're ready to have me here?" you ask nervously, trying to contain your own excitement.

"Please..." He whispers, resting his forehead against yours. "I love having you here... bringing your clothes and being able to wake up without you gone is only going to make it better." A giggle escapes you and he stares at you. "I love you..." He confesses and your heart stops only to start beating much faster.

Your arms wrap around his shoulders and you kiss him intensely feeling your tears betray you and slide down your cheeks. John wraps his arms around your waist, feeling his chest go into overdrive as well. You break the kiss for lack of air and John caresses your cheeks.

"I love you too..."

***

The End.

****

Thanks for reading!!

I hope you liked it!!

See you in the next stories.

❤❤❤❤❤

[thena0315]

Peacock celebrating 25 years of SVU

[brainsbustaa]

the reign is finally over. all those returns and surprises. the best match of any wrestlemania and possibly ever. cody being champion. all them people coming to the ring to celebrate. as the great micheal cole said "damnit I love professional wrestling." 🤍

[weirdlookindog]

Les démoniaques (1974) - Italian poster

AKA The Demoniacs

[rk-bromance]

WWE Exec: Who are we going to get to help Cody in the Wrestlemania main event match?

Planner: