#jo doesn't take her own worries seriously despite how anxious she is

[cagesings]

johanna’s self hatred never fails to make me unbelievably sad. turpin raised her to not have an ounce of confidence in herself because who is easier to take advantage of: the confident girl or self-loathing girl? he knew exactly what he was doing when he threw criticism in her face when she was a child. he knew exactly what he was doing when he told the household staff not to show her any kindness. even in an au where life is a lot better for her, johanna still lacks any real self-confidence. turpin takes advantage of that fact. he tells her that she’s the reason her mother did what she did. he tells her that she deserves every wrong thing that happens to her. his punishments are cruel and unjust. for a man who claims to have been guilty for doing what he did to lucy and took her child in for that reason, he just sought to destroy her. even post canon when johanna is happier and when she’s getting healthier, she still can’t fully love herself. she doesn’t think she’s worthy of it. she wants to be beautiful, but never feels that way. she wants to be the good wife she was raised to be, but she isn’t perfect enough. this girl could’ve been raised in loving circumstances and grown up getting help that she needed, but turpin deprived her of all that.