#jewmour

[applesauce42069]

"why do jewish girls always have such big racks" idk about everyone else but as an ashkenazi i can speak for myself when i say that my body was built to feed 15 children in the shtetl and i resist it every day

[applesauce42069]

Saw someone refer to people who are mixed Italian and Jewish as Pizza Bagels. It’s a cute name. I’m jealous. I’m mixed English and Jewish and all I get called is assimilated.

[applesauce42069]

i would like to introduce the class to yiddish wit dot com

10/10 archive of yiddish quotes with hits like

and something i have no words for:

[applesauce42069]

re:

[applesauce42069]

BREAKING: EIGHTEEN HASIDIC JEWS SEEN TWERKING IN MATZAH BALL PLAZA ON THE SAME DAY THAT MALAYSIA AIRLINES FLIGHT 370 WENT MISSING.

[applesauce42069]

*setting up teacup mikveh” yeah my big toe finished her period and would like to re enter her marriage bed with my second toe

[applesauce42069]

being married is so hard. one moment your wife is like "i can't conceive, have a baby with my maidservant" and then baruch hashem she does conceive and then the son you had with her maidservant does ONE THING wrong and then she's like "send my maidservant and your child to go die in the wilderness" like you just can't win

[applesauce42069]

Broke Sunday school methods: I’m telling the principal

Woke Sunday school methods: I’m telling the rabbi

[applesauce42069]

AHHHH WHERE'S THAT VIDEO OF THE GUY AT A YESHIVA CLASS GOING UP TO THE MIC AND SAYING "CAN THE TWO BOCHERS IN THE BACK BE QUIET! YOU ARE HERE TO STUDY NOT SOCIALIZE!!

[applesauce42069]

i personally think its funny that im banned from entering several countries by virtue of holding an israeli citizenship. i love living in other people's heads, when the rent is free.