#jesus don't gaf about your riches

[thatwritererinoriordan]

"Behold the field on which I grow my fucks and see that it is barren."

Heinrich Hofmann (German, 1824–1911), "Christ and the Young Rich Ruler", 1889

[rosegoldenatlas]

bedtime.

bad day

good things:

got some gifts for christmas

listened to the ithica saga from epic the musical

watched a fun show

bad things:

started writing a suicide note and saying my goodbyes, planning on killing myself over the weekend. friend managed to talk me out of it and get me to delete the note but i still kinda want to. i probably wont and you dont have to worry about me but i wish i was dead

ate way too much candy and hate myself

was a useless fuck all day

im annoying as shit

i genuinely wish my family was dead. i wish i never saw them again. i hate them so much

but yeah

hope you had a nice christmas/hanukkah/whatever you celebrate

sleep well

stay awesome

Hope the gifts were good

Holy shit me too did you see the livestream yet?

Ooo what's the show??

I want to hug you. I wish I was there to give you a big giant hug and throw weighted stuffed animals at you and get you a nice heavy blanket to keep you cozy. I'm glad you had a friend with you to help you out yeah?

Yeah, eating a lot of candy does that to me too. Sometimes it resets my whole 'I don't gaf abt how I look I'm gorgeous' attitude I force upon myself every day (to spite my mom who thinks 120 at 5'4 is fat like bitch I'll show you fat after I stop wanting to rip my stretch marks off just you wait) into more of a 'ewwww why do I look like that I don't think I'll be showering actually I'll just use a soapy cloth and then only wear sweaters and oversized shit but also tight height waisted pants that are so tight it makes it feel like someone is pulling my skin apart lol' kind of vibe

Omg I am jealous. I want to just be lazy but nooooo I have to socialize

Hey wait nuh uh. Not to me your not!!!

Soon. Soon you moved out and can yell at them and then they can't so shit about it without charges!!! And you can watch as their household gets more and more dysfunctional without you bc of all of the heavy lifting you've been doing

If you couldn't tell. My day was shit too. Sorry I'm a day late again. I've been coping with everything being out of control in my life by controlling what I can which is online interaction (I've stopped with the whole controlling my pain thing bc it made it worse I think I dunno (I think it's cuz physical pain has always been out of my control but more manageable and emotional pain has always been the thing furthest from my control and if j can control that by self isolating and making it worse its kinda liberating??? (I love psychoanalyzing myself like this cuz its doing the thing!!! With the emotional control!!!)))

Avid Christmas celebrated bc even though I don't believe in God (and even if I did I don't think they can be all powerful and all good and I don't like their actions described in the bible) I like what that Jesus guy stood for bc he hated the law and had a cool hippie cult, gave to the poor, hated rich people, and trashed a temple market that one time (also he was a feminist). Also x-mas gifts