#jed my beloved <3 he's such a piece of shit <3

[whumphours]

Guilt

Ash isn't dead (yet), and meets someone who might be more connected to him than he realises.

Tagging @crowned-avery

Warnings: Lots of blood and guns, bleeding out, field medicine (makeshift tourniquet), very reluctant caretaker

There was a trail of blood where Ash had walked, and all he could really do was hope that it didn't lead Sawyer right to him.

Leaning against a half-demolished wall, Ash slid to the ground, lungs burning, arm hanging uselessly at his side. He had nothing but his hand to staunch the bleeding, and it wasn't helping much. Once the adrenaline had worn off, it would have made him scream if he was able, but now it was just numb.

Ash looked up at the sky, where the sun was starting to rise. He was tired now. It would be easy to fall asleep here. But he knew if he did, he wouldn't wake up again, so he propped himself up on his functioning arm, and tried to stand. He couldn't wait. He couldn't stop.

He held tightly onto the wall, and pushed forward.

When he managed to focus his vision long enough to look ahead of him, he noticed someone walking along the same road. His back was turned, so he had no idea Ash was there. Ash pulled the gun out of his pocket, and dragged himself towards the man.

He'd already killed someone. This would be easy.

***

Jed was starting to get tired, but he really didn't want another night sleeping out in the open, and the nearest town wasn't that far, so he took a deep breath and kept going.

"You," a voice rasped. "Turn around."

With a frustrated sigh, Jed stopped, and put his arms up. "I've nothin' valuable, so can ya-"

"Just turn around."

Jed did as he was told, then stumbled back. "Jesus, are you okay?"

A kid, with a gushing bullet wound, dark bags under his eyes, and a pissed off look was pointing a gun at him.

Not just any gun. Sawyer's gun.

At least, he was pretty sure from where he was standing.

"Do you have a first aid kit?" the kid demanded.

Jed chewed the scar on his lip. "Yeah."

"Give it to me." The kid shook, almost dropping to the ground right then. "Now."

"It ain't gonna be any use to you with one arm." Jed couldn't rip his eyes from the pistol. "Where'd you get that gun?

"It's mine." Now that was bullshit. "Give me your first aid kit. O-Or I'll shoot you."

"It ain't yours." Jed had seen Sawyer handle that gun often enough to know it wasn't actually loaded, but he kept that to himself. "Where'd you get it?"

"You can ask questions when I'm not fucking bleeding to death!"

Jed paused, and took a deep breath. He wasn't going to get anywhere like this. "Okay. But you're gonna have to let me do it. I'm willin' to bet you don't know how to tie a tourniquet one-handed, and that's what you're gonna need to stop the bleedin'."

The kid's grip on the gun tightened, but he relented. "Fine."

Slowly, Jed approached, and pulled his bag off his shoulders. He grabbed his kit and a bottle of water, and set to work. As much as he wanted a look at the gun, he didn't want to be the reason this kid bled out.

He wrapped a thick piece of cloth just above the kid's wound, tied it, pulled a small knife from his belt, and secured that in place.

"This is gonna hurt like hell," he warned. "Talk to me, try to distract yourself. What's your name?"

"Ash," the kid mumbled, and Jed could feel him trying to force himself not to pull away as Jed tightened the tourniquet around his arm. "Fuck, that h-hurts-"

"I'm Jed." Jed's tone was unnaturally matter-of-fact, but he knew being calm would stop Ash from panicking more. "How old are you?"

"N-Nineteen." Ash grit his teeth. "How much t-tighter?"

"Nearly done," Jed replied. "I'm twenty-six. Take a deep breath."

Ash did as he was told, and swore loudly as Jed pulled it as tight as it would go, and tied it in place. He was still swearing while Jed poured water over the wound and wrapped a few layers of bandages over it.

"There." Jed pulled back a little. "That should do until you get yourself to a doctor."

"Thanks," Ash hissed, still unable to focus on anything except how much pain he was in. "O-Okay. Leave me alone."

Jed raised an eyebrow. "Do you even know where you're goin'?"

"It's not your fucking problem," Ash spat. "Go away. I'll- I'll shoot you. I will."

Jed sighed. "I know it ain't loaded."

"Of course it's loaded." For what it was worth, Ash was a pretty good liar. "I'm not gonna threaten you with an empty gun."

"It ain't." Jed held out a hand. "Give it here."

"No!"

Ash hadn't even closed his mouth by the time Jed had wrestled the gun from him and taken several steps back, holding it up to get a better look. Jed saw Ash reach for it out of the corner of his eye, and grabbed his revolver from his belt, nonchalantly pointing it in Ash's direction.

"Don't try it, kid." Jed didn't even look up. "Unless you want two useless arms."

Ash's hand curled into a fist, but he didn't get any closer.

"Good choice." Jed brushed over the handle, where Sawyer's initials were still as clear as the day Jed had watched him carve them. "Don't make me ask again. Where'd you get this?"

Ash glared at the ground. "It's mine."

Pointedly, Jed pulled at the trigger of his revolver, though very gently, so that it wouldn't go off. "What did I just say?"

Ash whimpered softly, though his anger didn't fade a bit. "I stole it."

Jed laughed. "Oh, come on. It's really just lie after lie, huh?"

"I'm not lying," Ash snapped.

"If you were tellin' the truth, you'd be fuckin' dead." Jed almost couldn't believe Sawyer's fucking gun was in his hand. "You don't just steal from Sawyer and get away with it."

"...how do you know Sawyer?" Ash asked.

Jed gestured vaguely with his revolver, and didn't actually answer the question. "Come on. How'd you get it?"

"I fucking stole it." Ash was losing any patience he ever had. "He was asleep, and I took it 'cause it'd piss him off, and then he shot me. So yeah, I should be dead. Give it back."

"He shot you? Shit." Jed finally looked at him, and smirked. "Alright. I believe you. You got balls, kid, runnin' off with this thing."

"Thanks," Ash spat, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Can I have it back now?"

"Sure." Jed shrugged, and threw Sawyer's gun back to Ash, who just barely caught it against his chest. "I only wanted to see it. Sawyer's gonna be lookin' for it, anyway, and I ain't leadin' him right to me. Good luck, kid. Don't get killed, or whatever."

Ash shoved it back in his pocket. "Appreciate the encouragement, dickhead."

Jed just laughed at that, and turned to leave.

He'd only gotten a few steps away before he heard the sound of Ash hitting the ground.

Of course he'd passed out. He'd probably been bleeding out all morning, and the pain wouldn't have helped. He was exhausted and likely hadn't eaten in days. And he was absolutely not Jed's problem.

But Jed sighed, turned around, and tried to lift Ash in a more comfortable and hopefully less painful position for when he woke up again. He'd already saved the kid's life, and figured he might as well not make it any harder for Ash to survive, even if Sawyer was probably going to find him before he woke up.

Still, Jed didn't consider that his problem. Until he tried to move Ash's injured arm into a better position, and saw the scars almost obscured by all the blood that had begun drying on Ash's skin.

S. J.

Neater, more careful, and much better healed than the initials on Jed's arm, but undeniably, Sawyer had marked Ash, and it gave Jed a lot of context that he did not want to deal with.

"Fuck," Jed cursed under his breath. "You piece of shit. You fuckin' bastard, I should've fuckin' killed you when I had the chance…"

He couldn't stop imagining it, all the awful things he'd ever experienced at Sawyer's hands happening to Ash, this poor fucking kid, and his heart was sinking to the bottom of his stomach.

Every single cautious instinct that Jed had was overridden, and he hoisted Ash up on his shoulder, almost glad that he was unconscious, so that Jed didn't have to deal with him crying about how much it hurt.

He didn't care about Ash. Jed Ellis didn't care about anyone, and that was the way he wanted to keep it.

But Jed knew that whatever Sawyer would do if he found Ash alive, that he'd almost certainly already subjected the kid to a thousand times over, would be much, much worse than killing him, and Jed's stupid, burdened conscience couldn't carry much more guilt than it already did.

He could save this kid, and it would be maybe the only good thing he had done in his entire life.

So he started walking. He knew the town had a doctor that could patch Ash up much better than he ever could.