#jack has that neglected shelter dog rizz

[saturnniidae]

Rereading Snow-Crested Shrines and I forgot how funny the first chapter is purely bc the juxtaposition of how the entirety of Berk is shitting themselves in fear, thinking Hiccups fuck-around-and-find-out-ness is finally gonna get them killed bc he's pissed off a non human entity and they need to build a shrine lest they all be sentenced to icy death

Meanwhile Jack is literally like just a guy sort of. He's kind of pathetic in the sense of how lonely he is, like yeah he can cause blizzards but he's also desperate for interaction so there's like no danger. he's actually trying Very hard to not be scary thank you very much..

[palant1r]

death note characters ranked by how much they fuck, from least to most:

L: im sorry but this bitch died a virgin. you know im right. we can talk about lawlight gay sex all we want and its very fun but there is NO way his relationship with light actually went beyond psychosexual mind games that they both found far more sexual than actual sex. he does not leave his weirdass computer floor room he is NOT on tinder. this guy had watari make him a special fleshlight that jacks him off in 3 seconds every time he experiences horniness so he can get back to work

near: same as L, really. the only reason he's ranked higher is because he hangs out with a bunch of sexy americans and could theoretically have had an opportunity at some point

Ide: asexual king. could have sex but simply has no interest in it.

light: divorces his mind from his body to an absolutely insane degree. uses sex purely as a method to give misa rewards for killing a bunch of people. this barely ever happens

misa: only ranked higher than light because i feel like she had sex at least once before meeting light and light was absolutely a virgin at that point

mikami: he has scheduled sex that he pencils into his planner about once every month or so

takada: with how she reacted to light's advances, it's clear that this is not a woman who is accustomed to pleasurable sex. girl go get some better dick its not worth it.

aizawa: on one hand, he is married. on the other hand, between the investigation and having a young child in the house, i doubt they're boning down on the reg

mello: i know people will get mad at me for ranking him this low. because like, look at him. he LOOKS like he FUCKS. but im sorry. he doesnt. he goes after his goals with the singleminded focus of a bear on cocaine presented with a dumpster full of salmon and sex simply does not play into those goals. however he would fuck to FURTHER those goals he just wouldnt even enjoy it because hed be thinking about Beating Near the whole time but like, in a heterosexual way

soichiro and sachiko: you KNOW old man yagami is a freak. that man is not normal and he's gonna dick his wife down crazy style. however he is also working long nights all the time

matsuda: between his need to be around other people and his neglected shelter dog rizz, i think its fair to say matsuda is having a fair amount of sex

matt: to mellos chagrin, matt fucks

mogi: this man is coveted in the tokyo gay scene. dick is bomb AND he makes breakfast in the morning. this man FUCKS but he minds his own business about it