#ive lost count how many times i've drawn him

[itsybitsybatsyspider]

the daily Peter sketch, feat. trying out new brushes

[mochidoie]

all i see is you - lee haechan

listen to: you by dj regard and poison by nct dream genre: fluff, hopelessly pining badboy!haechan wc: 720 warning: none, written in lowercase only

a/n: i felt very inspired by poison's track video, i can't stop thinking about the lyrics too ive been waiting for dreamies to do a rnb song for so long!! read part two!

"you're so bad for me." you push playfully at haechan's chest and god, just how he melts at how cute your smile looks under the night sky.

haechan leans against the street lamp post and smirks devilishly at your comment, hooded eyes eating up how prettily your attire fits you tonight. "if you mean bad meaning good, then i agree."

there goes your sweet laugh again, "very funny." your sarcastic response is typical, he could read you like an open book. spine against a table, pages flipping by the edge of his thumb.

"i'm serious, y/n. when are you gonna give me a chance to take you out?" haechan butters you up just like how you like it. his finger twirls the end of your skirt flirtatiously, causing your heart to race in your chest.

you can't stop the shy smile that appears on your red painted lips. "in your dreams, hyuck. i'm in no place in my life right now to be dating anyone." scoffing, you cross your arms.

you're goal driven, hardworking, you weren't going to let some sleazy guy distract you from chasing your career. despite all his efforts, you genuinely had to consider how haechan would actually throw you off track. your lifestyles are too different to meet a compromise.

he drops to your feet, noticing your shoe had been untied for the past two blocks. without a word or shift in conversation, this man obediently wraps the string around his fingers and brings the knot to a complete bow. this kind gesture never fails to swoon you.

"so don't date me. let me take you out from time to time, treat you nice and right. when you want to sleep in someone's arms at night, give me a call. i'm here at your disposal." haechan stands and hovers over you, polite hands hovering over your lower waist as he closes the distance between the two of you.

the way you blink at him with wanting eyes has him spiraling, he wants you so bad. just one glance and he's swept away, wind picking up his feet and has him tumbling.

"that is unfair to you."

"it's sweet to know that you care about me." haechan meant it, but the playfulness in his tone seems unserious. he isn't sure how only you can make him this way. it becomes hard for him to really express how much he dreams about you.

"of course i care about you." your eyes drop to his lips momentarily and his chest feels tight. it's almost criminal how good you two would be together and how happy he could make you.

slowly, you're drawn into him even more until his breath is against your cheekbone and you can hear the beating of both of your hearts in the silence of the night.

"you want me to be honest?" his voice is feathery and raspy, like he's trapped in your trance due to the proximity of your warmth. "i've lost count of how many times i've wanted to kiss you."

you call his name, pulling away slightly. a tinge of sadness and guilt in your tone, but haechan isn't having it. he shakes his head, "i know. i shouldn't be so selfish.. but you don't know how many times i fall to my knees just thinking about you."

your eyes meet at the end of his sentence and the desire intensifies between the two of you. lightning bolts zapping in the gaze, you can feel the blood rushing to your face.

something about how desperately infatuation haechan looks sparks a burning flame in your abdomen. how all he sees is you, his reflection full of your figure. how his plump lips are itching to touch your own.

his usual confident, playfully flirtatious personality is nowhere to be seen. you've never seen this expression on him before and it shocks you how much he has been holding himself back.

"pick me up at 8 tomorrow. no exceptions." you say firmly and with that smile he can't get enough of. backing up from him, you walk toward your door.

his ears are perked up, noting your words very clearly and not wanting to let this chance slip away from him. he smirks coolly and shoves his hands into his jean pockets, "you know i won't let you down."

read part two!

[caelumsnuff]

Oh the reason im the number 1 Caelum fan??? Because im the only one who's every truly understood him.

Nobody else gets him like i do, nobody else is willing to acknowledge and explore the depth of his character. Everybody sees a dumb little sweetie (he is) but that's not all he is. He's extremely emotionally intelligent and kind to the core, he knows the darkness that swirls around in the human mind, the evil that mankind (and D(a)emonkind) is capable of but he still holds hope and compassion in his heart. He believes in you, and me, and everyone with a childlike wonder not born of ignorance but born of experience and boundless hope. He's the light that we all need in our life and hearts, the ideal we should aspire towards. He's the sweet daemon-therapist-caretaker-friend that we need in our darkest days. He'll wake you up with hugs in the morning and tuck you into bed at night with bedtime stories as he strokes your hair. He'll bake cookies with you when you need a break from life, he'd make art with you to calm you down and relax together. He'd cuddle you on the couch and watch your favorite cartoon with you. He's empathetic and forgiving to a fault, but he never holds it as a grudge towards the world or those who've hurt him, he looks inwards to help himself to that he can help you. He even demonstrates to us how to reach out to those around you, to those you love and trust, for help in your darkest hour, and that there is no shame in doing so. It's okay to need help, and its okay to ask for it when you need it. And none of this is born from stupidity or naivety or ignorance or immaturity, but by choice and by the force of a pure golden heart.

He's my love, my life, my favorite little blorbo that lives in my head rent free. He's my barbie doll that i thrash around for fun, and at the end of the day i patch him up brand new and tuck us into bed together and he tells me stories until we fall asleep.

I've written him a dozen times, drawn him so many times ive lost count. I made a sim of him way back in 2021 and have routinely updated him since.

Night and day I think about him, I yap about him.

In my partner's dms i have mentioned him by name 70 times, she's not even in this fandom.

In a single server, 85 times

In the inbox of a best friend who also isn't even in the fandom, 31 times

He's me. I'm him. We are one in the same.

Undeniably, I am THE Caelum fan. I am Caelum Nation.

@plaqying :3

[bloodyknucklesforme]

Don't Blame Me 2.0 | Sneak Peak

So here's just a little sneak peak of my re write of Don't Blame Me. I've been wanting to revisit this for a while. I will post the rest of it in one go probably on Ao3 for ease but here's just a little peak of some of the extended stuff I'm doing. This is probably chapter 1 or 2. I haven't decided the order yet. It is 100% new material and I hope it gives a good example of what the rest of the re write is gonna be. Hope you enjoy 💕

Word Count: 2k

Nina stared up at the ceiling. It was ugly. Grayish plaster smeared across to form a minuscule mountain range. She was angry at them with their manmade topography. She wanted to climb up and scrape them smooth. She wanted to destroy something without consequence. 

The bed in the safe house was too hard and the covers were too thin. Made it impossible to sleep and yet she’d spent the past three days laying in it. She missed the warm comfort of her old bed, layers of wool blankets and a fluffy down mattress. She missed the feathers that poked her in the middle of the night. 

Kyle, sat guard by the door - rifle in hand. The curtains always drawn close. She’d long lost track of time, only gauging when offered food. Shopping bags laid scattered across the floor. Price had bought clothes, guessing her size and getting it wrong most of the time. She’d finally asked for something warm and big. 

He’d come back with a large navy sweatshirt and grey sweatpants. They were nice and soft and the sweatshirt was large enough she could tuck her knees inside of it and pull her hands into the sleeves. A small comfort. 

She didn’t like it here but she wasn’t given a choice. Hunted like an animal across countries and continents. All because of her father. Some people may be attached together with red string but he was the rope around her neck. 

The house somehow felt more sterile than the hospital they had her at initially. She didn’t like it there either with doctors and nurses constantly prodding her. Taking blood for various tests, physical exams where she was expected to strip for strangers. Their hands were always cold. 

A week ago she hadn’t even seen another person in years and now she didn’t think any part of her had gone untouched. She’d fought and screamed every time they pulled another needle out. They’d had to sedate her after she kicked a nurse in the shoulder and almost knocked her over. Price stepped in at that point and refused to let them do any more tests or exams until she’d relaxed. She never got the chance.

She woke up to a man forcing his way into the room. Kyle dragged her out of bed and into a corner, ripping an IV out of her arm. Price had met the man at the threshold. The intruder got one good hit in before Price slammed his head into the door. 

Her stomach flipped, hearing his skull crack. Death wasn’t an unfamiliar face but she ached having seen him so often recently. How many just in the past week? She’d lost count. Blood dripped down the door, like a bug that got squished. 

Kyle was holding her arm, bandaging where the IV got ripped out.

“We’re moving her.” Price said. “Now!”

Kyle scooped her up easily, carrying her bridal style, down the halls and stairs of the hospital. 

“Kate, I need a safe house.” Price barked into a radio. Nina clung to Kyle, letting herself get carried away once again. It had been futile to fight previously so she allowed it now. She also didn’t want to complain about not walking across the parking deck barefoot. 

Price drove while Kyle sat in the back, having her lay down on the seats next to him. She stayed quiet, she was good at that. Quiet and surviving. They drove what felt like hours around London in order to lose any possible tails. Eventually Price pulled into an underground parking deck and they switched cars. 

The Russian was driving this time, she believed his name was Nik. A large white utility van. She sat with her back against the side. Her feet were cold. Kyle and Price flanked her. She felt like she should be wearing a black bag over her head. 

It was dark when they got to the safe house. A coat was thrown over her head and she was kept bent over as they led her inside. Lights off until the blinds could be pulled shut. 

“You should be safe here. Kyle will keep watch over ya,” Price assured, holding her shoulders. She was older than he was when they last saw each other. A stranger but the only person on Earth who seemed to remember her name.  A friend of her father’s, his sergeant. He’d stop by their on base house often enough to be a familiar face. He got her a birthday gift once or twice. He’d had dinner with her family. She felt ashamed to say she hadn’t thought about him in years yet there he was at the edge of the world to hold her on the helicopter ride home. “How are you feeling Nina?”

“I’m okay.” What else was there to say? It felt like the ground was constantly collapsing under her and she was treading ice water. “I’m tired.”

“Let’s get the bedroom set up for you.” He rubbed her back as he led her upstairs. She waited in the hall as he checked over the room and pulled the blinds shut. She was glad they left her alone to sleep, even if one of them was always outside the cracked open door. She’d barely left the bed since. Kyle had moved a chair in at one point.

“Just keeping you company.” He smiled. She imagined the true reason was so he could stop her if she tried to kill herself. There was a reason she had to ask for any pain medication, there were no knives in the kitchen and the sweatpants came without strings. Truthfully she didn’t have the motivation for all that. 

She thought about taking another shower or maybe a bath. Hot water on demand was another comfort. Something she’d missed. 

She got up wordlessly and walked into the ensuite bathroom. Bottles, jars and tubes also scattered across the counter. Kyle had explained what it all did. Moisturiser, cleanser, masks and other words she didn’t remember. She slathered it all on anyway. It did make her skin feel less tight. If it made a physical difference, she wouldn’t know. The mirror was gone. 

Kyle had taken it off the wall the day before. She’d needed his help turning on the water. Her reflection frightened her. She knew she was older, a woman of twenty five. She still expected to see a little girl staring back at her. In a way there was, how small she looked. How starved she looked. She didn’t like her skin or hair or her face at all really. Price had remarked how much she looked like her mother. She couldn’t even hold her face in her mind. She knew that she never looked sick like this. As tattered and forgotten. 

She’d hung a towel over the edges of the mirror. Kyle took it down and she put it back up. He seemed to understand and it was laid in the hallway facing the wall the next morning. 

She filled the tub with steaming water and squirted some soap into it. She wasn’t allowed to lock the door so she left it cracked to let the steam out. She sunk down till her nose barely scraped the water’s edge. She soaked until the bubbles all popped and disappeared and her skin was pruned. 

There was a knock on the door. 

“The captain is going to be back soon with food,” Kyle broke the hours-long silence. He was extraordinarily kind to her despite having not said more than a couple words to him over the past days. “He asked if there’s anything else you want or need.”

“I’m okay,” she said. She didn’t know what she needed or wanted. Everything seemed like a distant dream, half real. She thought about the things she ate as a child and wondered what was real and what was some elaborate coping daydream. It all just seemed out of her grasp. 

“…Nina?” He asked. It still felt weird to hear people say her name aloud. It was something she had kept like a secret for so long. “Do you like cake?”

She could hear the smile in his voice. She didn’t remember the last time she had cake. Her 11th birthday maybe. 

“I can have Price pick some up for you. I’d say you deserve it.”

“I’d like that…thank you, Kyle.”

“I’ll text him.”

Price arrived a little less than an hour later. She was back in bed, wearing the same sweatshirt and pants. Kyle had shown her how to work the telly. There was nothing familiar on. 

Price had given up on getting her to eat anywhere but her bed, bringing up the food with a tray. 

“Thank you,” She said as he laid a plate of lamb, rice and veggies in front of her. The three of them ate in silence as she periodically flipped through the channels on the telly. 

“What day is it?” she asked as another holiday ad came on. 

“December sixteenth,” Kyle answered around a bite of lamb. 

She didn’t realise Christmas was so close. She changed the channel again, wanting to avoid any possibility of raising hope. 

“Gaz, take the dishes downstairs. I need to talk to Nina.” Price said as they finished eating. She thanked Kyle as he took her plate and pulled her knees to her chest. 

Price had a serious look on his face, more serious than usual. 

“We have to move you again.” He said. She nodded, chewing on the idea of having to leave again.

“Why?”

“My contact in M16 believes there’s a leak and you’re at risk again. They shouldn’t have known what hospital you were in.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. “These men are dangerous, Nina. They believe you know where your father is.”

“I don’t.”

“I know you don’t, love. We’re working on tracking them down but until we do you need to be kept safe. You’re going to the United States tomorrow afternoon.”

“The United States? Why all the way there?”

“It’ll be easier to hide you. You’ll be under cover, new name, travelling with one of my mine.”

“Kyle?”

“No, unfortunately I need him here.”

“Then who?” She wasn’t sure if she trusted anyone else. She wasn’t even sure if she could trust Price. 

“His name is John.”

“Your name is John.”

“Different John.” He chuckled. “MacTavish. A scot. He’ll look after you.” He patted her shoulder. “Get some rest. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

“Price?”

“Yes, love?”

“Will I ever be safe?”

He laid his hands on her shoulders and got eye level with her. 

“I will make you safe.” He said firmly, like he believed it to be true. “Try to get some sleep. Lots to brief on tomorrow.”

The idea of having to move again twisted her stomach. More helicopters? More high speed chases down mountain roads? More bullets whizzing by? Her hands were shaking already. She pulled her arms into her sweatshirt and scratched at them. Every red line was a release of tension in her body. Another strange man who’s side she would be tucked into. She knew Price wouldn’t put her with someone who would hurt her, at least not knowingly. 

There was a knock on the door.

“Nina? Can I come in?” Kyle asked. 

“Uh…yeah…you can.” She pushed her arms back through her sleeves. He was smiling as he came in. A pastry box and fork in hand. 

“Price says you need protein but cake has eggs so I think it counts.” He handed her the box. She laid it in her lap and opened it. It was a small chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and cadbury flakes on top. Her mouth watered. She wanted to feel the sugar grit against her teeth. 

“Thank you, Kyle.” She said, holding the box close. There was a time when she was younger and she used to close her eyes and imagine a great big party with cake and balloons and streamers and friends and her family. She held onto that fantasy for a long time. She hoped the cake tasted as good as it did in her head. 

“Eat it all if you want but don’t get sick, yeah?” He handed her the fork before going to leave. “Soap’s a decent bloke. He’ll take care of you.”

What a stupid nickname, she thought as she stabbed her fork into the centre of the cake and dug out a chunk. 

It was better than she imagined. 

I would also like to shout out some of the people who've supported this story over the past year. There are more than I could ever list (I'm adding as I remember usernames) but thank you all so much

@macravishedbymactavish @queen-ilmaree @argella1300 @purplemarmar @devcica @avidreadee123 @water-bearz @glitterypirateduck @murdersheghostwrote @sea--biscuit @coolmaybelateruniverse @pssytrux @mykneeshurt @yearningforsappho @celestiialspheres @fleetwoodmoth

I appreciate more than y'all could ever know 💕