#ive identified as aro since i was 13 and it's only since i was like.... almost 18 that i finally feel like. AT HOME in this

[oflgtfol]

i just cannot emphasize enough how utterly alienating it is to be aspec, especially aromantic, especially non-ace aromantic. like i have never ever ever met another aro person in real life. i know of maybe five ace people but i never personally talked to them, and i have never even knowingly been in the same room as another aromantic person

and everywhere i look there's reminders that i'm not like literally any other person i know in life. love songs on the radio, plotlines in tv shows and movies, family members asking me when i'm going to start dating, my peers in school pestering me about crushes when we were kids and then as we grew up they all started dating and even getting MARRIED? the whole narrative that's pushed in all these things - media, people i know irl - saying that everyone has that "special someone" they'll meet one day, that life isn't worth living without that someone. i was told as a kid both implicitly and explicitly that the only way to be happy in life is if i grow up, marry a nice man, settle down in a house with a white picket fence and have 2.5 kids together. the existential terror i felt when i realized that that wasn't going to be my future, that i was never going to live that life. i was ten years old and feeling like i will never be happy in life, i'm going to die alone and nobody will even notice i'm gone. laying awake every night praying to god to make me normal like everyone else just so i can know what it means to be happy. and through all of this over all these years, i can never talk about it to anyone because at worst, i'll be called stupid or evil or soulless, or worse i'll be pitied because oh, poor me will be alone and sad for the rest of my life isn't that so sad. and at best i'll simply be faced with blank looks and uncomfortable glances and an awkward change in topics because nobody else knows what the fuck i'm talking about because they have never had to question it before.

and then the ONE (1) space where i can finally see that there are people like me, i'm not alone i'm not soulless and evil because there are other people like me....... we're made the butt of all jokes. people make war criminal moodboards with our flags, mock our experiences, tell us we need therapy or that we're this way because of trauma, that we're sick in the head and the heart. people send anon hate and sexual harassment over DMs and even target MINORS with these things. and i reblog one thing about being ace when i was like 15 and i get one rude ask about it and suddenly i'm terrified to talk about being aspec at all in case one day it'll get worse, more intense than just a single rude anon. and i go years staying silent on my own blog, which is the one place i can feasibly talk about it. to the point that even though i so desperately want to meet other aspec people irl, i feel like if/when that happens i won't even be able to talk about any of these things because i'm so used to just keeping my mouth shut. that when i'm finally presented with someone who's like me, i won't even know what to do because it's never happened before

it's to the point where i don't even fucking care about lgbt inclusion vs. exclusion anymore because either way, nobody actually cares. even most inclusionists never actually listen to us and any time i try to actually connect with other lgbt people i always feel so absolutely alien in these spaces because either i'm going to be met with hostility and active exclusion or i'm going to be "welcomed" but not actually listened to and then i'm just gonna sit in the back of the room silently and never actively participate so am i even like, included at that point? isn't that just another form of exclusion? so i really only ever feel a sense of belonging in explicitly aromantic spaces - but, again, the problem is i have never ever met another aro person irl and our spaces online (the only spaces that exist at all!!) are consistently ridiculed and mocked and harassed so like. lol 💚

[lyttmoonsaturn]

1. identifying as aromantic rn💚

2. im someone who has no to little romantic attraction

3. not at the moment!

4. favorable/neutral, it depends

5. im only sure of platonic, sensual, aesthetic

6. never heard of that term, so im not sure

7. nope

8. yes! and kinda, im identifying as ace

9. it kind of hit me, out of nowhere i just realized what i felt was not what an allo person feels! it was this year, january 17th

10. id love to have kids! since i was little i always wanted to adopt, so not a big change from “im gonna adopt when i get married” to “im adopting when im established financially”; also learn a lot of languages (im fluent in brazilian portuguese and english, i started learning spanish and french, and also wanna learn italian)

11. i used to think i wanted, but i realized that no, its not on my plans

12. no (im 17), and only if the other person is aro too

13. nope!

14. yeah, it wasnt good

15. X

16. the “i think about the person at ALL TIMES” like wtf dont you do other things?? it seems boring and irritating

17. cuddle and spend time together (my love language is quality time so thats not surprising)

18. kiss, have sex, that type of stuff

19. aromantic (lol) and a friend i can trust :)

20. my aesthetic attraction is more towards girls, but other than that no

21. hell no

22. kissing is weird, but i do enjoy cuddling!

23. having the person’s head on your lap, i love to play with hair!

24. not really, if the person’s nice its kinda funny and flattering, but id rather not

25. pfft no

26. yess, one of my favorite book genres is romance! most times its plain funny but if written in the right way can be very cute and breathtaking (the fact that i love romantic books was one of the reasons i took so long to realize im aro)

27. yes yes yes

28. all the timee

29. yeah, its weird

30. yes but it gave me anxiety so never again

31. multiple times, but i never rejected anyone (even tho i should’ve)

32. um, uh- singing to them? in front of a whole bunch of people? its awkward and very, very stupid

33. in person, privately, and being extremely respectful !!!

34. my house (or the person’s house)! just watch movies, sing/listen to songs, eat anything thats on the fridge, etc

35. i dont really care about it

36. nah, most of my friends are allo, id miss them

37. yes!! it was almost three years ago, she’s also ace and was the first aspec person i met

38. irl only this one friend i mentioned on the last question, online idk

39. since january 17th from this year! and microlabels til day 3 of this month !! it was when i accepted im really aro and not demiromantic

40. only to some of my friends and here on tumblr

41. to four of my closest girl friends <3

42. ive never been to pride :( its one of my biggest dreams

43. i paint! also wear the flag colors and i made even an arospec playlist (that its not blatantly aro)

this is the acespec one

and this is the aroace one

44. not yet :(

45. i used to have but i broke it :(( gotta buy it again

46. nope

47. the white ring, the green heart, and the not so used aardvark💚

48. it depends on how they’re done! some i cant even listen, but most of them are just cute or even beautiful

49. i enjoy them :)

50. ohh you’re on

bmc: michael mell - homodemiromantic, squip - aromantic, jenna roland - greyromantic (bonus: christine canigula - asexual)

good omens: aziraphale and crowley - demiromantic (asexual)

hp universe: luna lovegood - aromantic (asexual) (bonus: newt scamander - asexual, seamus finnigan - greysexual)

sherlock holmes: sherlock - demiromantic (acespec)

disney women: cinderella - frayromantic (bisexual), belle - demiromantic (asexual), pocahontas - greyromantic, merida - aromantic (homosexual), elsa - aromantic (asexual), alice - aromantic (asexual), lilo - greyromantic (bonus: aurora - lesbian ace)

i think thats enough for now!

51. i love it when its done right

52. its care and respect

53. not having crushes! they must be exhausting

54. X

55. how do you feel about being arospec? (i cant think of anything else)

Arospec Ask Game!

Where are you on the aro-spectrum?

How would you describe your identity?

Do you use aro-spec microlabels?

Are you romance favorable, neutral, or repulsed?

What kinds of attraction do you feel? [platonic, queerplatonic, aesthetic, alterous, etc.]

Do you feel tertiary attraction? If so, what kind? 

Do you use the SAM? [split attraction model]

Are you also acespec? Do you use the term aspec?

What made you realise you were aspec / arospec?

What would you rather do instead of a romantic relationship?

Would you want a romantic relationship? 

Are you married? Would you like to be married? 

Do you have a mallowfriend / queerplatonic partner? 

Have you ever had a crush / squish / hush / etc. ? 

What made you realise you wanted a queerplatonic/romantic relationship [if you ever did / do]

What confuses you about typical romantic relationships?

What types of things would you like to do / already do in a qpr?

What types of things would you not like to do / already don’t do in a qpr?

Describe your ideal partner [romantic / queerplatonic / etc.]

Do you have a “type” in attraction?

If you could, would you go on a romantic TV show? [the batchlor/ette, love island, 90 day fiance, the dating game, etc.]

How do you feel about typical intimacy? [kissing, cuddling, etc.]

Most underrated form of intimacy? 

Would you like to be flirted with? 

Are you good at flirting? Do you flirt often?

Do you consider yourself a romantic? 

Do you enjoy seeing romance IRL / online / in media / etc. ?

Have you ever experienced the aspec obliviousness when it comes to someone flirting with you? How about innuendos? 

Were you ever confused about “love” or romance as a kid? Are you still confused about it?

Have you ever asked anyone out? 

Have you had anyone ask you out? Have you rejected anyone? [valid!]

Come up with the stupidest way to ask someone out, right now!

Come up with the best way to ask someone out, right now!

Favorite place to go on a date? [platonic / romantic / queerplatonic / etc.]

Do you enjoy Valentine’s Day? 

If you could live somewhere with only aspec people, would you?

Has anyone ever came out to you as arospec?

How many arospecs do you know online / IRL ? 

How long have you identified as arospec? How long have you used aro-spec microlabels?

Are you out as arospec? 

Who’s the first person you came out to, if any?

Have you ever been to pride as an aro person? If so, what was it like?

Do you do things to show aro pride without being out?

Do you have an aro ring? Do you want one? [an aro ring is a white ring on the left middle finger]

Do you have an ace ring as well? Do you want one? [an ace ring is a black ring on the right middle finger]

Do you use the card suit nicknames for your aro attraction? 

What are your favorite aromantic symbols?

How do you feel about love songs? 

How do you feel about romantic subplots in movies?

Any arospec headcanons? 

How do you feel about romance tropes in media? [enemies to lovers, only one bed, fake dating, the italicized oh, etc.]

What is love? [to you]

What is the best part about being aro? 

What is the best part about using arospec microlabels? [if you use them]

Bonus – ask me anything about being arospec!