#ivar's arachas army

[inexplicifics]

“average witcher has 3 aracha” factoid actualy just statistical error. average witcher has 0 aracha. Ivar Georg, who lives in a mountain & has 10,000 aracha, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

*dies laughing*

[tantumuna]

Save a Witcher Bingo - Masterlist

@save-a-witcher-bingo

below the cut, find a one stop shop for every fic I wrote for this event!

Bedtime Stories

Prompt: Bedtime Stories Pairing: Ivar/Warritt Suummary: Visions of the Wild Hunt plague Ivar's waking moments and his restful ones. On his roughest nights, Warrit is there to soothe him to sleep with stories, however real or fake they may be.

To Live Another Day

Prompt: Alpha/Beta/Omega Society Pairing: Coën/Gaetan Summary: Coën and Gaetan have been together for longer than Destiny ever planned, but they've made it work, and they've been happy. After narrowly avoiding Destiny's plans again, a new challenge rears its ugly head for them to face. This one, they almost don't make it through, but Destiny won't have her way yet. If the Battle of Brenna couldn't tear them apart, an unexpected pregnancy certainly won't.

Setting it Right

Prompt: Time-Travel (to the past) Pairing: Vesemir/Illyana, Luka/Vesemir Summary: Vesemir doesn't go out on the path much anymore, but when he does, he rarely expects to find remnants of his past. Finding a potion to take him back in time, he returns to his past to put as much right as he can, saving some and damning others in the process.

On a Wedding Night

Prompt: Marriage Pairing: Ivar/Warritt Summary: Ivar and Warritt are finally married, and Warritt has something very specific in mind for the night in the suite. Ivar, always too happy to please, makes Warritt's desires happen.

Broken Towers

Prompt: Old Ghosts Pairing: Implied Past Luka/Vesemir Summary: Vesemir returns to Kaer Morhen with four Witcher boys in tow after the fighting is done. The fighting may be over, but bodies of men and monsters still litter the keep, and it's a harder sight to see than he anticipated.

Trying to Survive

Prompt: Vulnerability Pairing: Ivar/Warritt Summary: The Usurper's army bashes down the gates of Gorthur Gvaed, and so the School of the Viper comes to an end. Against all odds, Ivar and Warritt manage to escape with their lives and the last living Viper recruit.

The Retelling of the Grand Adventures of Ser Tristan

Prompt: au: fairytale Pairing: Coën/Gaetan Summary: When Tristan was born, Jaskier wrote him an anthology of bedtime stories, all featuring him as the main character: a knight who faced the world with bravery and valor. Tristan doesn't always want to be a knight, so in a quick fix, Coën tells his son a different story about different knights who come to his rescue, all in hopes that Tristan will finally go to sleep.

Punishment for a Trainee

Prompt: kink: roleplaying Pairing: Ivar/Warritt Summary: Warritt always has the most intense ideas, and Ivar's happy to give him what he wants. This time, little trainee Warritt can't seem to get himself to behave, but Grandmaster Ivar knows exactly how to fix that.

A Purred Healing

Prompt: Witchers can Purr Pairing: Aiden/Lambert Summary: Lambert is struck by an endrega, and though the wound won't kill him, he's more than happy to act like it will. Aiden patches him back together, but finds a different type of medicine is in order once the Swallow is down.

When the Books and Swords are Put Away

Prompt: AU: Teachers Pairing: Eskel/Lambert Summary: Things are different. Ciri is still a child-surprise, Geralt is still a prodigy, but the sacking of Kaer Morhen never comes. The Wild Hunt never threatens the world with the White Frost. Lambert and Eskel live long enough to see themselves training the next class of Wolf Witchers. It's not a pleasant task, but they have each other.

This Lost, Sassy Ghost

Prompt: comedy Pairing: Aiden/Lambert Summary: Lambert runs into the forest to deal with a queen arachas without a second thought for anything, not even himself. If not for the haunting voice of a childhood friend, she would have won the fight, and another Witcher would be left dead. With this second chance and a little help from Voltehre, Lambert set things right with Aiden, because it's always about Aiden.

To Zerrikania

Prompt: Marriage of Convenience Pairing: Auckes/Letho/Serrit Summary: After faking his death, Letho finds the best way to ensure he stays out of harms way is to find a different life to lead. His marriage has nothing to do with his love for Lady Alyssa, though he finds her charming. The marriage only means that he has all the resources he needs to find his missing friends, and Lady Alyssa can rule what is rightfully hers while everyone thinks its her husband doing the work. All Letho cares about is finding Auckes and Serrit, and without Lady Alyssa's help, he never would have.

When it All Comes Together

Prompt: Sharing a Bed Pairing: Ivar/Warritt Summary: Ivar refused to acknowledge Warritt's advances until he could make it back from his first year as a Witcher. That was the only thing that would make him a Witcher instead of that wide-eyed boy Ivar remembered staring at him from across the yard. Warritt nearly doesn't make it back. At that moment, when Ivar doesn't want to close the gates and bar Warritt from Gorthur Gvaed for the winter, he realizes he cares more than he thought.

Safely Kept

Prompt: Protective Pairing: Gardis/Gweld Summary: Gardis is too smart for his own good, and he always has been. When he runs his mouth, he loses them coin. If only he knew to just let Gweld handle everything.

Released by Fire

Prompt: Abuducted Pairing: Aiden/Lambert/Kiyan Summary: Kiyan should have died in that cave beneath Novigrad, but he didn't. Steingard's plan didn't work. When the demon took Kiyan's body, she was on his side, not the mages. She saved him, brought him back to Lambert and Aiden, and now they have to repay the favor.

A Friendly Game of Gwent

Prompt: Gwent Pairing: Coën/Gaetan Summary: What was supposed to be a friendly game of strip Gwent quickly turns heated when Gaetan wins his second round and earns Coën's shirt on the floor. It's hard not to stare and even harder not to touch.

Ending the Nightmare

Prompt: Free Space Pairing: Ivar/Warritt, Gen Summary: The Wild Hunt hasn't been defeated, only warded off. Even with Imlerith dead, they still have a battle ahead of them, but no one has ever faced the Wild Hunt like this before. Geralt doesn't know how to defeat them. Thankfully, Letho knows someone who might be able to help him, not just with knowledge, but with an extra blade.

Comfort

Prompt: Bedroll Warming/Sharing Pairing: Aiden/Lambert Summary: Aiden is too wounded to join Lambert on a hunt, or so he says. Monster defeated, Lambert returns to their camp to find Aiden with a hand down his trousers and a plan in mind for their evening. He didn't help Lambert with the contract, but he'll help Lambert with the aftermath with some personalized comfort.

Keeping a Secret

Prompt: Secret Relationship Pairing: Coën/Gaetan Summary: Coën is wounded while protecting Gaetan from a griffin. They'll never make it to Kaer Morhen like this, so they take a detour to the next best thing--Dyn Marv. It's the first time Gaetan has ever brought Coën to his home, and unsure of how the other Cats will respond, everything must stay a secret. Including their child.

Making Connections

Pairing: First Date Pairing: Lambert/Jaskier Summary: Jaskier was supposed to be a one night stand, something to dull the pain as Lambert thinks about the years, but he's more than that. Being with Jaskier is easy, and after waking up without him once, Lambert never wants to do it again.

Just Us Two

Pairing: Polyamory or Open Relationship Pairing: Kiyan/Lambert, implied Aiden/Lambert/Kiyan Summary: Lambert, Aiden, and Kiyan have been together long enough, but Lambert and Kiyan have never done anything on their own. Tonight, that changes, though neither of them really know what that entails.

Before Another Trial

Prompt: Pre-Trials Pairing: Luka/Vesemir Summary: Vesemir and Luka always try to leave Kaer Morhen before another class goes through their trials. The screaming is too much to bear. A blizzard keeps them all home for the season, which means they have to find another way to avoid the sickening memories that begin on this night.

The Things We Realize

Prompt: Au: Gothic Pairing: Aiden/Lambert Summary: Aiden wakes up after being knocked unconscious by a beast and returns to camp, only to find Lambert refuses to talk to him. He can't figure out why.

To New Experiences

Prompt: Kink: Self-Cest Pairing: Luka/Vesemir Summary: Vesemir's in trouble, and ever-faithful, Luka goes to rescue him. He doesn't expect to find a Doppler is the reason Vesemir's in a tight spot, nor does he expect to find the Doppler looks exactly like he does. What the Doppler wants in return for Vesemir's release is the last thing Luka expects.

A Foundation Built on Cracks

Prompt: Viper School Pairing: Ivar/Arnaghad Summary: Arnaghad goes too far. Iwan can't take it anymore. Ivar listens and, with a small rag-tag team of Bears at his back, betrays the School of the Bear and Arnaghad with it. They leave to found their own school, one where things will be different.

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Eskel, after he learns about Ivar's army: Please stop terrifying all our friends and allies.

Ivar, unrepentant: *gives him A Look*

Eskel: Will you at least only INTENTIONALLY terrify our enemies? Please?

Ivar: Alright. Give me a list and I'll see what I can do.

*two weeks later*

Eskel: Why are three more nations spontaneously surrendering to the Wolf?

Everyone (including Ivar, to be fair) is very glad Geralt, not Ivar, ended up as Warlord of the North.

[inexplicifics]

currently worknig on an awauau ivar/marta fic, and decided that marta should excel in bobbin lacemaking (expensive, fancy, and also has enough stabby pins to satisfy her).

thus, Ivar is going to be gifting her arachas silk threads in all the possible colours (he may or may not get lamberts help with dying in exchange for similar thread but embroidery weight) so that she can make lace witcher style.

(Ciri is going to look so goddamned expensive when she goes on the progress)

he managed to keep his spider-pets a secret from everyone, and has been slowly domesticating them, mostly by selectively breeding them for temperament and silk production. this has been happening pretty much since the vipers settled in Gorthur Gvaed.

Currently, he gets Yennefer to portal him out to Gorthur Gvaed once a week to harvest the silk and take it to the old grandmas he employs in the nearest village, and in exchange for her help and silence he gives the finished fabric and thread to Yennefer so she can get it made into magic-resistant dresses. She thinks it's hilarious.

also geeking out over the potential properties of arachas silk.

people successfully made cloth out of irl spider silk, so making cloth/thread/rope would definitely be feasible, esp considering that arachas silk threads should be proportionate to their body, which makes them much thicker than irl.

I'm imagining that one strand of arachas silk is about the right width to be used as thread.

also there are synthetic spider silks around, and they are very much dyable so its realistic too :>

also also, spider silk has 5x the tensile strength than a steel thread of the same width, so it would be good for making rope, nets, etc.

Marta doing bobbin lace-making is a wonderful idea and I love it.

Ivar with his secret arachas herd is...moderately terrifying, yep.

[inexplicifics]

If Ivar gets his arachas army Aiden is going up mountain and is never coming down

Yes, yes he is.

And I will be joining him. I like spiders, but there's a limit.

[inexplicifics]

I think the Ivar thing is delight in the dichotomy between "Ivar Evil Eye, founder and leader of the most deadly and ruthless witcher school, who will do and has done horrible things to further his goals" and "loyal supporter of the White Wolf (who is remaking the world with kindness and protection for the weak), loves his school and his Griffin, was 100% hugged by a young Julita at some point." But maybe I'm projecting. It's like...Ivar has all the trappings to be an evil villain, but his greatest goal in life is to stop a horde of heartless murderers. So yes, let him revel in The Aesthetic while he tries to stop the REAL villains.

He really does have The Aesthetic, doesn't have he? But yes, given that his goal is the defeat of the Wild Hunt...

Eh, I guess he can have some tamed arachas if he wants them.

[inexplicifics]

Also (re: the tamed arachas) it'll make conquering Nilfgaard that much easier

It is very true that letting a small horde of tamed arachas loose in the palace of Nilfgaard would be a remarkably effective method of rendering the Empire headless.

It would just also be very messy. And have unfortunate repercussions.

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Petition for Ivar, Leocadie, and Lambert to come up with a taming gas for Arachas so that the keep can make new silk and have another source of income!

Do we really want Ivar Evil-Eye, terror of wherever he cares to be, possibly the deadliest person on the Continent, to have an army of tamed arachas?

[inexplicifics]

Do we want Ivar to have an army of tamed arachas? No, not really. Would that stop any of them from giving it a shot? Absolutely not 🤣🤣 the three of them, especially as a group, strike me as somewhat of a "you thought about if you could and not necessarily if you should" collective and I find that delightful

Yeah, putting Lambert and Leocadie and Ivar into a room together without someone to say "Wait why are we doing this?!" is...maybe not a great idea.

Finding someone who will say "Wait why are we doing this?" is a little complicated, though.

[inexplicifics]

Ohhhh “Ivar can’t have a spider army” this and “environmental impact” that and “terrifying the townspeople” blah blah blah. The man can’t have a hobby?? A bit of something to do in his free time? ?? Smh

Look, he's already got a driving obsession and a School to run, does he really need more responsibility? He could have one tamed arachas. A teacup arachas, maybe? Nice little pet arachas for the deadliest man around?

[inexplicifics]

Yes we want ivar to have an army

You and everyone else voting for Ivar to have an army of tamed arachas are terrifying and wonderful and I love you all.