#its tru i commit murder all the time

[tcmmysheiby]

don’t touch her: tommy shelby. [smut]

authors note: reupload of a smut i wrote ages ago. very long at 5000+ but one of my favourite pieces so enjoy. let me know what you think as well. 

Anxiously tapping the top of your fingers along the wooden table in the kitchen, you waited uncomplainingly for Tommy to come back home. They usually let everyone out of the prison cells - the ones who had been thrown in overnight to help them calm down - at midday but it was gone seven o'clock and you feared that something had occurred. Your husband was someone who could guard himself, but it didn't stop you worrying. Tommy was doing it on purpose, he wanted to know what you were suffering after the trouble that you had caused the previous night. However, it wouldn't be long before he was back home. Tommy had plans for the night.

You cursed yourself as you thought about the night before. It had started out as a pathetic game that you had developed in your head once you had stepped inside of one of the local pubs in Birmingham. Tommy had been a nuisance all day; regularly snubbing you, dismissing your business ideas and not even bothering to eat the dinner that you had made for him. Business was taking its toll, but it was no excuse to you and you wanted to teach Tommy a lesson, show him that you required his attention at least some of the time but you hadn't expected it to get so out of hand.

"Well, if it isn't Luke Howard. How are you?"

Tommy was sat at the other end of the room, his eyes occasionally turning to look at you and one of Tommy's old business friends from a long time ago and he could feel the temper building up already. Luke was nothing more than somebody that you used to know, an old acquaintance that you had not seen in a while, but you used his invitation to the pub as an excuse to get under Tommy's nails and show him that you meant business. If anything was to kick off - big or small - you would not care for Luke being hurt and that was the truth.

"Mrs. Shelby." Luke extended his arm and you charmingly shook his hand, sneakily looking over his shoulder to look at Tommy who was finding it hard to concentrate on the contract in front of him. He had already made his way through two glasses of whiskey. "I am doing very well, thank you. How are you?"

Melodramatically, you faked a lengthy sigh and flopped your head against the bar surface. This way, you could easily see Tommy, but Luke was also in your view. "I'm doing alright, I suppose."

Luke smiled compassionately before looking back at Tommy. It was risky for him to be talking to you, especially as he was an old business worker of Tommy's, but Luke was also a nice man to a certain extent, despite his malicious ways - Tommy was somewhat a saint compared to Luke. However, Luke had always had a soft spot for you and could not bear to see you upset. Despite his detestation for Tommy after the catastrophic breakdown of a business meeting which ended in Luke losing out on a lot of money, Luke didn't not want to see you troubled and he also saw it as a chance to get one over of Tommy. Fortunately, you were enthusiastic to play along.

"Is the marriage failing?" Luke awkwardly nodded back at Tommy before raising both eyebrows. "Because I know for a fact that if I was married to you, I would not be sat in the corner of this place with a bunch of men deliberating business that could easily be done another time."

With a blush, you responded to Luke's statement. "That is very kind of you."

"It's the truth, love. Tommy Shelby is a foolish man for letting you sit alone," Luke replied. "You never answered my question."

"What question?"

"Is your marriage with Tommy failing?"

"I wouldn't say failing. We just don't have a lot of time to spend together and when we are together, well, we might as well not be. The business comes before me, always has done and always will," you answered.

"I don't think that's true - "

"Oh, it is," you interrupted before leaning back up properly. You grabbed the drink that Tommy had ordered you before he had gone to ignore you for the rest of the evening. "I guess I've gotten used to it though. Tommy does what he does because he wants to deliver a good life for me and I respect that."

"But?"

"I just want some attention every now and again. I love him greatly, there is no denying that and I know that he would do everything in his power to keep me safe and look after me. We purchased a big home but what for? It feels so isolated a lot of the time and I hate it very much. We didn't have much money before the business grew but we were content, and I think that's what's most important."

Luke smirked before looking down at the bar table. His hand started to trail across the wet and sticky bar until it touched your own hand. It was completely wrong, but you didn't bother to pull away and instead, allowed him to rub the top of your hand with his fingertip.

"Tommy Shelby needs to get his priorities right."

An obnoxious cough came from behind Luke and you slowly closed your eyes, not daring to make eye contact with Tommy. Luke didn't have the nerve to turn around and face Tommy, didn't even have the bottle to make response to Tommy's understandable aggravation. Silence surrounded the three of you as you finally looked at Tommy with pleading eyes, wordlessly begging him to not kick up the fuss. With one eyebrow raised, Tommy nodded towards Luke's hand that was still placed on top of yours and you quickly ripped your touch away from Luke's.

"Do I really need to get my priorities right, love?" Tommy asked you. His tone was filled with jealously as he waited for you response, staring deeply at you.

For some odd reason, a burst of self-confidence hit Luke straight in the face as he stood up and turned to look at Tommy. "Yes, you do."

Tommy tilted his head to the side before laughing. "I wasn't talking to you so how about you fuck off? This is between me and [y/n], not you and me."

It would have been sensible for Luke to have done a runner there and then, protect his face and keep his eye sight in tact but he didn't move. Standing up straighter, Luke looked at Tommy in the eyes before chuckling.

"Treat her with a bit more respect mate or someone else will snatch her from your hands. Got a gorgeous lady there and you are letting her slip away."

"That's not tru - " you tried to say, only to be interrupted by Tommy.

"You really need to shut your mouth," Tommy spat, digging his digit into Luke's chest. Even though Luke was more malicious than Tommy - he didn't have a leg to stand on. His killing days were long gone after the collapse of his business and was simply a man who made an appearance sometimes; an okay fella but not much to him. "Let's go home, [y/n]."

"She's staying here with me," Luke announced, adding fuel to the already growing rage. Tommy had to cut the meeting short because he was finding it impossible to concentrate and Luke was getting on his last nerve. It would not be long before Tommy shattered and did something that he regretted. "Never know, I might even take her home with me."

"The only man that [y/n] will be going home with is me."

"I can change that, Mr. Shelby." Luke leaned forward until his mouth was next to Tommy's ear. "One ride on my cock and your wife will be mine."

Tommy chuckled as he looked down at the ground and before you could process what was happening, Tommy's fist was smashing against Luke's cocky expression, sending the man flying backwards into the bar. You stood up and gasped, too shocked to stop your husband from committing a violent act in such a public place.

Watching as Tommy dragged Luke out of the pub naturally, you yelled his name and attempted to chase after him but was stopped by a random stranger who immediately brought you back into the pub to stop you from viewing such violence and misery.

You could picture it in your head; Luke cowering against the wall as Tommy ruthlessly kicked him, Tommy leaning for his hat and Luke losing his eye sight. Jealously was something that never usually effected Tommy, he loved and trusted you enough to know that you would never go against him or be with another man so to see such possessiveness and green-eyes was a shock to your system.

The pub was hushed apart from your pathetic attempts to loosen yourself from the grip of the random stranger, the people of the pub eavesdropping in on the shrieks and horror that were coming from Luke. You knew Tommy, you had met the temper before when someone had overstepped the mark with him at the horse racing tracks, it wasn't pleasant, and you felt for Luke.

"Get your bastard hands away from me," you heard Tommy shout. Finally managing to get away from the strong man that was holding you back, you headed towards the pub doors and was met with a sight that you hadn't seen since before the War. Tommy was lacking control as the police men gripped him, eventually managing to calm him down.

Tommy was unexpectedly silent as the police men patted him down, getting rid of any dangerous weapons that could bring them harm. The notorious cap was ripped from Tommy's head; his hair ruffled and thick, no longer styled. Tommy looked over at you as he tried to control his breathing but there was darkness behind his eyes and you was frightened that it was aimed at you.

"Go home [y/n]," he muttered, his jaws tense and his eyes wide. "I'll be back tomorrow."

The night was spent unaccompanied with you worried about your husband's state. You knew that he would be okay; Tommy was a strong man and no police officer could hold him down. It would only be a matter of time before they released him for his crime. Tommy could have murdered someone, and he would still get out of a prison sentence. You just hoped that Tommy had fell into the company of some police officers who were on the pay roll and not any of the ruthless ones.

The sound of the door opening froze you in your place, unable to move as you listened to the heavy footsteps making their way through the house. All the maids had retired for the night, going up to their bedrooms on the other side of the house where they would be unable to hear the quarrel that was guaranteed to take place.

"Hello."

Tommy's voice was cool as he sat down on the sofa across from you, his coat still on and eyes worn-out but there was something behind them that both thrilled you and concerned you. Reaching his hand into his coat pocket, Tommy pulled out a cigarette and lit it before blowing the smoke in the direction of the ceiling. You watched his every movement, waiting patiently for him to blow up and scream as you. It never came.

"Are you okay?" you asked finally after building up the courage to talk to him. It was clear that Tommy was not in the mood for chit-chat, but you needed to know that he was fine.

A lengthy and heavy sigh came from Tommy and he leaned his head back up to look at you. "Hmm, I am now that I am back home." You nodded once, words refusing to be heard. "Come here." Tommy tilted his head to the side and watched as you stood up before raising one finger in the air and moving it from side to side, gesturing for you to stop. "No. Get on your knees and come here."

Nodding, you followed Tommy's orders and sank to your knees before crawling over to his body. The whole time, Tommy was watching you with harsh eyes, sometimes trailing them over to your ass where he smirked arrogantly.

You positioned yourself in between Tommy's thighs, looking up at him with full submission and wanting. There was silence as Tommy looked down at you, him trying his hardest not to grab your body and lay you across his lap as a punishment.

"Did you think it was funny?" Tommy asked, leaning down to grab your chin and make you look at him. His head was tilted to the side mockingly as he waited for your answer, but your words were unable to form and all you could do was blink at Tommy a few times, hoping and praying that he would have mercy on you. "I said, do you think it was funny?" Tommy repeated, his jaw tense and breath hot on your face as he leaned down. The cigarette that he was smoking had been stubbed into the ashtray, but the smoke was still whirling around in between your faces. "Don't make me say it again."

"No," you blurted out, your eyes turning to the side.

"Look at me."

You couldn't, the humiliation and scandal of the previous night was hitting you like a ton of bricks. Tommy had spent a night in a prison cell because of your self-centred ways, Luke was in an atrocious way and you feared for the relationship that you had built with Tommy.

"I said, look at me." Slowly, you moved your pardoning eyes back to Tommy and waited for his next comment. "Why did you do it?"

"I wanted your attention," you admitted, voice cracking a little as Tommy moved his hand to your throat.

"Do you want it now?"

"Yes," you whined, doing your best to lean forward so you could capture Tommy's lips, but he pulled you back by your throat and chuckled. "Please."

Tommy took in a deep breath before releasing your throat and pushing you down towards his crotch. You didn't even need to be told, within seconds you were unfastening his slacks and freeing him from his boxers. Gulping, you looked up at Tommy through your eyelashes as you wrapped you hand around his thick length, not moving it up and down until Tommy gave you permission.

"Remove your hands and put your mouth around my cock," he ordered. Nodding, you obeyed his instructions and waited for the next part of the act. "Good girl."

Tommy laced his fingers in your hair before pushing your mouth down his cock. Allowing yourself to relax, you moved both of your hands to Tommy's thighs and rested them there, preparing yourself for what was to come. There was nothing but the sound of Tommy' breathing and low grumbles as his tip hit the back of your throat and without warning, Tommy bucked his hips up, causing you to gag around his hard cock.

The combination of his hips bucking and his hand pushing your head down had you gushing. The sexual desire inside of you growing and growing until you felt as if you were ready to burst. It had been so long since he had properly touched you. A quick fuck before work and then he was gone for the day, sometimes not leaving you fulfilled enough. It was the stress of the business, which you understood, but sometimes all you needed was to be a little manhandled.

It had been done so many times before - Tommy using your mouth to get himself off - and it was your beloved thing. Tommy would move your head up and down his cock, not stopping until he was fulfilled, and you would keep your eyes on him. It was during these intimate moments that you got a chance to see how much of a work of art your husband truly was with his mouth open a tad, his eyes fluttering shut and his hair a mess.

You were in your element as you helped Tommy get to the edge. Your nose brushed against his pubic hair for only a few seconds before he was bringing you back to the top and then he would repeat the action again, chuckling every time you gagged. Your fingernails were digging into Tommy's thighs as you hallowed your cheeks, adding more pressure which had Tommy whimpering - your favourite sound. Multiple curse words slipped through Tommy's lips as he pushed your head down impossibly further, a smug grin on his face every time he looked down at you and spotted the water running from your eyes. If you could, you would have returned the grin.

"Are you sorry?" Tommy asked followed by a loud moan. You couldn't respond when your lips were around his wet cock, but you tried your hardest and the response that Tommy got was not good enough. "What was that?"

Tommy pulled you off his cock completely, but his hand remained tight in your hair as he dragged you up a little bit. Your lips were desirable and red, saliva dribbling down your chin and your eyes were watering but to Tommy, you looked spectacular.

"I am sorry," you cried out, the need to kiss Tommy growing with every second.

Tommy mockingly pouted as he ran his free hand across your face and then his thumb across your lip, smirking at how wet they were. "I know, darling." A kiss so delicate it felt as if it wasn't there was pressed against your mouth and then Tommy continued. "Now, go upstairs and I will meet you there soon."

"Naked?"

"I think you already know the answer to that one, darling."

+++

A teasing game. A punishing, teasing game that had you wriggling on the sheets as you waited for Tommy to enter the bedroom. It had been at least fifteen minutes since you had first gone upstairs and got yourself undressed for him and with every passing second, you could feel yourself getting needier and needier. It was a test, you knew this, and you were ready to fail the test.

Laying back against the cold, silk sheets, you glided your hand across your lower stomach. You continued to listen out for Tommy's footsteps because if he caught you in this position, without his permission or him being there, you knew that it would lead to a bigger punishment, but your needs were enormous, and you needed some sort of release - with or without Tommy.

You were already soaked and dripping onto the bed sheets as you slipped one finger inside of yourself, not moving your digit for a brief second as you listened out for Tommy. Silence. Another digit was soon entered as you continued to pump in and out. The thrill of going against Tommy's orders was bringing you new pleasure, along with the way that your fingers hit that one spot inside of you that had you gushing all over the sheets. Still, no matter how hard you tried, nothing would ever compare to Tommy's fingers which had been created to grant you pleasure.

"Someone is having fun without me."

Your body ran cold under his words, your fingers still deep inside of you, and your cheeks inflamed as you turned your head to the side to look at Tommy. His suit jacket had been discarded and in one hand he had a glass of whiskey, the other a cigarette. He was trying to come across as annoyed, but you could see the lust filled eyes and his cock tightening against his slacks again. Your growing desire only increased as you look him up down. He had folded the sleeves of his shirt up, showing his muscles and the veins that ran along his arm.

Walking over, Tommy downed his whiskey before putting the glass on the drawers besides the bed. It was uneasily silent as you observed his every move, trying to figure out what plans he had for you. Punishment was going to happen; you knew that much.

"Continue," Tommy said as he sat down beside you, pushing your body back down when you tried to sit up. You looked at him expressionlessly, confused by his demand but nodded your head anyway. "If you want to come then you will do it with your own fingers. Is that understood?"

You nodded your head again, the only thing your body could do. Tommy placed his hand on his cock, rubbing it through his slacks as he looked at you with half lidded eyes. It was a seductive gaze that you had pushing in and out harder - eyes moving to Tommy's face which was fixed with a grin and then back down to his hand that was adding more pressure to his cock. It had been a while since the two of you had been intimate like this and the thought of it lasting all night had you moaning louder and louder. This punishment was going to drag out for hours and you would be a sticky, sweaty mess by the end of it but you revelled in it and Tommy knew that.

"I wish you could see yourself," Tommy started, gripping his cock harder. "You look like an angel."

Your orgasm rocketed through you like wild fire as you arched your back off the bed. Tommy looked on in awe and rubbed your thigh as it turned from side to side, your legs stiffening and your toes curling. During all of this, Tommy had reached into the drawer besides your bed and had pulled out an old tie. Before you knew it, Tommy was rolling on top of you and stretching your arms, tying them to the headboard tightly to prevent you from becoming undone.

"Tommy," you groaned, pulling on the ties causing the headboard to creak. Tommy stood back up and looked at up, his head tilting to the side as whistled conceitedly. "Please."

"I kind of hate how irresistible you are," he said, voice low and thick. His Birmingham accent always became stronger when he was turned on. "Because right now, I should be angry with you but oh, baby, you are just too perfect."

A blush came to your cheeks at Tommy's comment. The rough, dominant Tommy was still there but he was showing his love for you and that meant the world to you. Even after your act last night, he still worshipped you and loved you. Tommy even felt slightly bad - it had been his fault in some way. The fact that he had been abandoning you had led to your coquettish behaviour with another man and Tommy should have noticed this.

"Tommy - "

"Guess what?" Tommy interrupted, resting his hands on his thighs as he bent down to look at you. "I'm going to fuck you so hard to the point that you won't even think about another man, let alone flirt with them. If you ever do, which I hope you don't, all you will think about is my cock buried inside of you. Okay?"

You nodded your head enthusiastically, keen to get the show started. Your neediness was growing and growing as you watched Tommy walk around the edge of the bed, looking like a million dollars, until he reached the clothes that you had thrown on the floor area.

"Is that all this just from me being down your throat?" Tommy asked, referring to your soaked knickers that he had picked up from the floor. "You are going to kill me one of these days," he mumbled.

"I want your mouth, Tommy, please," you begged, lifting your hips in the air. Tommy looked down at your slit; wet for him.

"Do you deserve it?"

"No," you admitted, shaking your head in the process. "But you can't deny me."

Tommy hated how true that statement was. Clicking his tongue, Tommy finally gave into temptation and crawled up your clothed body, not stopping until his mouth was on yours. The kids were different as you opened for him, allowing his tongue to slide in so fluently. You whimpered into the kiss as you rolled yourself against Tommy's cock, sighing as he pushed your hips back down with his hand. The kiss remained uninterrupted through all of this and it just encouraged Tommy on.

"Please," you breathed against his mouth, pressing another kiss to his swollen lips.

Tommy moved down your body until he was kneeled in between your thighs, his large hands running across your thighs before pushing them apart, completely exposing yourself to him. There was an erotic smirk on his lips as he bent down to lick one stripe along your slit, snickering to himself when you tried to push your hips forward for more of his tongue.

"Don't make me tie these legs up as well, love," he mumbled as he pressed kisses along the inside of your thigh.

Parting the lips with two fingers, Tommy swirled his tongue on your clit, stopping to suck for a few seconds, before going back to the normal circles. Two of his hands were pressed against the inside of your thighs as he continued to push your legs further apart, giving him more access. His hair was teasing you and you were starting to grow frustrated, both with Tommy's slow movements and the fact that you wanted to grip his hair and push his face into your core.

The noise's being created were sensual as Tommy sped up his movements. Delving his tongue in, Tommy made a noise of appreciation as he tasted every inch of your soaking core, all for him. Pulling away, Tommy inserted two fingers inside of you and began to thrust relentlessly as he watched you with dark eyes. The moment that they hit your g-spot, you were arching your back of the bed and twisting the tie in a circle as you tried to get yourself off.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, please," you moaned, somehow managing to lift one thigh over Tommy's shoulders.

Your orgasm was already close as Tommy continued to swirl his tongue all over your juices, gathering them on his tongue and moaning in gratitude. "Are you close?" he asked, already knowing the answer but wanting to hear your breathless voice.

"Yes." Tommy continued his assault in the most beautiful of ways, flicking and sucking your clit to the point that your legs were tense as you orgasm washed through you; sending your legs into a frenzy and your heart beat through the roof. It took longer for you to calm down this time as Tommy continued to flick your clit through your orgasm and even afterwards. "Tommy, stop - "

Travelling back up your body with his lips, Tommy pressed multiples kisses along your stomach and breasts, taking his time to pleasure both nipples before finally capturing your lips. It was short and sweet, enough to leave you longing for more. An affectionate kiss was pressed against your shoulder and then your neck, distracting you from what Tommy was doing below.

"Jesus," you cried out, your eyes closing and mouth falling open as Tommy pressed his fingers against your clit. His mouth was doing wonders on your neck and you could feel the grin as he rubbed your clit, not once being calm.

Tommy pulled away from your neck and smiled proudly at the marks that he would leave. They would be a reminder of his love for you and every time you looked at yourself in the mirror for the next week, you would recall the way that Tommy fucked you.

"I'm going to come again," you breathed out, throat becoming dry.

Your third orgasm of the night had you throwing your head backwards as you clamped your thighs around Tommy's fingers, ignoring the laughter that slipped from your husband's mouth. There was no better feeling in the world as the pleasure ran through you.

"That's it, my darling. That's it," he cooed, helping you through your orgasm.

"Do you think you can go again?" Tommy asked as he removed his shirt and slacks, your hands twitching forwards as you desperately needed to touch him. "Oh, I don't think so," Tommy said, taking note of the weakening knots. Leaning over your body, Tommy retied the notes and looked down at you, a twinkle in his eyes. "Do you think you can go again?" he repeated.

"Tommy, where are you?"

Your eyes widened as Arthur's voice made its way known throughout the house, screaming for Tommy. There was no reason for him to be there, meaning that something had either gone wrong at the betting shop or he was popping in for a general chit-chat. Either way, Tommy was not leaving that bedroom until he had finished with you.

"The door is locked," Tommy announced as he got himself in position, pulling his cock out from his boxers. "But you need to keep fucking quiet. Do you understand?"

Tommy didn't even give you a chance to respond before he was slamming into you. A loud, drawn-out moan jolted from your mouth at the feeling of his cock stretching you. Tommy raised one eyebrow before moving one of his hands to cover your mouth, his hand pretty much covering the whole bottom half of your face. With every thrust, he pressed down harder and dug his fingers into your cheek, squeezing them together and silencing your moans.

"You have my attention now, don't you?" Tommy moaned, pulling his cock all the way out before slamming back in. Bruises were going to be formed but you did not care in the slightest; too invested in chasing your orgasm. "Hey, this is what you wanted, isn't it?"

You gripped the headboard and nodded your head. Tommy's moans were echoing throughout the room, yet he was silencing yours - not that you were complaining, the sound of his moans was like heaven on earth. Considering you were so stimulated from your previous three orgasms, you were surprised when you managed to get the ties undone. It was easier than you had expected but knowing Tommy, he probably did it on purpose.

"I want you to come inside of me," you told him as you ripped his hand away your mouth.

Tommy, taken aback, nodded his head before engulfing your waist and pulling you up until you were sat on his cock. Tommy was buried deep inside of you as he brutally lifted you up and down, repeatedly slamming his cock inside of you as one hand gripped your hair.

"I fucking love you," Tommy whispered into your ear. "Even though you are a little shit."

"I'm going to come - "

"No, you are going to wait," Tommy told you, ignoring the way that you groaned after he had finished his sentence – you would pay for that later. "You are going to hold on and wait for."

"I can't - "

You were cut off by Tommy slipping his fingers inside of your mouth, the taste of your previous orgasm coating his fingers. "You can."

Your eyes squeezed shut as Tommy continued to fill you up, his own moans edging you towards your orgasm. The thought of coming undone without Tommy's permission was tempting but you decided against as it would only lead to a bigger punishment.

"Tommy, I can't hold it – "

With a few more thrusts, you were clinging onto Tommy as you pushed yourself against his chest. Your sensitive clit was pulsing every time it brushed against Tommy's pubic hair. Your hands were tight in his hair as you brought Tommy to his own orgasm, him crying out in pleasure as he released himself inside of you. The warmth had aftershocks rush through your body as you clung onto Tommy, hoping and praying that he wouldn't go again.

"Satisfied?" he asked, rubbing his hand up and down your back. Your forehead was on Tommy's shoulder as you attempted to catch your breath. "Don't ever do shit like that again, do you understand? It wasn't funny."

"I know, I'm sorry. Just wanted your attention."

"You've got it now, haven't you?" Tommy hummed as he moved some hair away from your face. "And you've got it for the rest of the night. So, I'm going to go downstairs and deal with Arthur and you will wait here for me."

"And when you come back upstairs?"

Tommy gripped your chin and forced you to look at him. "We haven't finished yet, let's say that much."

[babyawacs]

.@law @law @laws @harvard_law @lawyercom @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @h aaretzcom  the german govt+timecontrolaccomplice cause this they botched it early day s on they knew their intels thenwere scums they quell fortune access immunisation t hey shuffled scums aafter scums orjust let em allthey armor against letem freehand the y gamed for starve to feedlater totamelater first or brainwash instudy orsuch which shifted to intensified murder it killit fringe quell kill persisntent cosntant intensi fied shuffled itnensified murder tricks from jarmixes to constant harm recent seveny ears they quelled the daytime charging they smeared my deadmother togetawaywithit beca use they didthesame with her but it was handy then to add that  they coverup and overtape monstrosities uncompensated but misused their doc system asif no compensation is necessary once they nut what they overtape they knew they kept twohumans in dayb ubble but gladly let anyscums they coordianted harm campaigns on various layers oftheir govt whiletheir clowns stayed inpower usually they gamed their swamp inplausible den iablity good people risked their life to avert the worst they killall and letothers m ore and effort smear which decoy blames the survivor oftheir shit theywould find  se xpet alibis to make them selves alibis  itis a german disgrace from greatestmoments dvd on allknew allalong whilethe caseinvented this  them didthat even the top100 b astardish deceit is quitesomething  they sacrifice kids to try sth  that they act mo ral is because  we forced them to they are monsters that shuffle trick after harm after weaseltrick theywouldmake w a r to pillage this somehow they had t w e n t y years time to compensate it they gave nazis and iraqis more mo ney in five years letalone in twenty this here is what is daytime charged a criminal government agenda ina criminal cont rolsystem  theyare guilty liable causing they play proxies as whackamole trick orplay lost control while all is in order except that chamber there for 8years before writing it whenthey take on scums now i tis because w e f o rc e d t  h e m to they shuffle between the usuallymonstrous nece ssary   and the moral and mean either this confuses the neighbours ortheyplay nothinghappened or fengshui it they inten sified  murder tricks this year  tothis ver yday with xraybeamtrickery  and pedo orgy trick recent days compensation averted blackballed blacklisted is onething but effort a n y t h i n g to quell access to w hats mine and see which shitball decoys that they quellit fraudit play ontime effo rt harm sgerman sgermany theyd lov e to solveit with keepit as dayfoolforever sowhat they gotaway 20years with it who ca res whats daycharged its quelled andquelled is solved //// thegermans effort ed somuch heartdamage somuc harm and rape and pedo orgies uptothisvery week somany poisons and implanttricks and xraymurdertricks and smear and lies and hideous germann ess they tossed somany minors intoahrms ways iiiiisay they need an alibi for the damn pet cat even notjust my mother they are such devious criminal governan ce coveringthat causingthat shifting morphing shuffling proxies tthey so got regular ly offthehook and fengshuied it and bagatellsied it and made it seeem like in tenthous and criminal intels access on acivillian nonimmunised somehow that nonimmunised they ki lltoquell infos and access fortune is the guiltyone or the thattheyjust have to nut aw ay thentheir system is meadows fluffybunnies inthesunshine because the other survivor s dontknow ormind cant wait for the next case like this? ifyou reward em cant wai t to see which dayfool fraudit squeezeit trick works untilthe next cases likethis are so lved thesameway what happened with abit prevention enforced should their crimes b e compensated, whynot? because they monstrosities covered decoyed wiggle wallowed shuff led morphed and tricked like a devious amorphuous shapeshifting devious monster trying a n yt h i n g for years and decades?  //// @pontifex @ekd @fox @blacklab @whitelab @ap @reuters @law .@law @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom accidents are acci dents friendlyfire is friendlyfire mistakes are mistakes crimes are crimes germanmonstr osities are germanmonstrosities. they regularly bulldozer minors overthe cliff into thi s intel mess as germanfix   //// whentbhe spirituals tried to killit before it becomes s a t a n i c or theotherbunch kill.. oneofhis kids.. maybe desperation or sth converts him ifitsthat or aproxywar or an ac cident or  all bullshit theme iam se cular humanist imnot spiritual planet affiliate iam what iam theyknowbetter ifit rhy mes or not scums that commited crimes goto jail instead of capitalpunishment deathpen alties and such secular humanist by #thefix  (which was defined against trophy hell them botchsystem botched withgermangovt) scums thatcommittedcrimes gotojail incontr ary to deathsentences minors we rescue allofem no ifs ors ands or buts istrongl y recommend  4scale ******** trusted trus ted enough (for now) oh oh oh ohcaution with thatguy blah ******** samewithcompe tence about an issue etc I am Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophisticati on #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@BabyAWACS.co m PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss

.@law @law @laws @harvard_law @lawyercom @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom the german govt+timecontrolaccomplice cause this they botched it early days on they knew their intels thenwere scums they quell fortune access immunisation they shuffled scums aafter scums orjust let em allthey armor against letem freehand they gamed for starve to feedlater totamelater first or brainwash…

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S19

Lmao @ Shikamaru flirting with Temari before greeting the Kazekage #Priorities 

Why bother giving these kids the data from those chunin exams they were there they ARE the data

“You'd know more about the reason behind the interruption of the final rounds and its chronology” Shizune fucking calling out the Sand omg ‘remember when u tried to murder us? I do’

“She hasn't changed a bit” and u love her for it Shikamaru

Why is Kakashi even here lmao he doesn't have a team of Genin this time around it's just because he's competent and adorable I guess

The Team 7 outro I weep SP is really stabbing me in the heart

Fu is a handful and I love it

“You want to find some way to bond with the rebels?” historically that's actually worked out pretty well it seems

I'M SCREAMING ARE WE GONNA SEE SAKURA'S CHUNIN EXAM

“She just might be tougher than [Shikamaru]” Ino <3 Sakura 5ever

KAKASHI COME INSPIRE YOUR BABY GENIN SHE DESERVES THIS

I feel a little ripped off that Kakashi didn't get to be the Angel of Cheering People Up but I'm proud of Sakura either way and I am i n  l o v e with the idea of watching her Chunin exams

They were so excited to see Naruto it's a shame he's not real

This timeline where everyone takes the Chunin exams a year before Naruto comes back implies that there were at minimum 9 Leaf Chunin made in a single exam

It also puts very little distance between Neji making Chunin and Jonin but I guess to be fair Kakashi was made a jonin at 9

Hjghdskhfhlvhl Team Guy Dynamics:

Tenten: We're being split up?

Lee: We'll be on our own for this?

Neji: [already walking away]

SHIKAMARU INVIGILATES LIKE A SUPER VILLAIN WHAT A DRAMA HOE

“Thanks for having my back” Literally half of Shikamaru's screen time is flirting with Temari I love it

Neji why do you have to be so dramatic do you really need to use jutsu as visual aids in your explanations

THIS BITCH FIGHT BETWEEN NEJI AND THE SAND SHINOBI IS SO GREAT

Sand Siblings @ Gaara probably: Will you stop talking about Naruto for like ten fucking seconds

Neji stepping in to save his girl Tenten my heart

Fu is so cute omg “I want to make a hundred friends”

I'm willing to believe Neji can recognize a jinchuriki's chakra right away bc of his fight with Naruto

“Dwelling on the misfortunes of birth is meaningless” same Shira same

I have a hard time believing Sakura couldn't take down that scorpion without Fu but plot I guess

I CAN'T BELIEVE FU JUST ASKED THE KAZEKAGE TO TAKE A BATH WITH HER

“Gaara!” “Sorry, just thinking” Fuck how often does Temari have to shake Gaara out of thinking about Naruto lmao

Kiba has to spread his legs as widely as possible mid-air his philosophy is truly ‘Dicks out for Shinobi’

Ninja who are about to partake in infiltration, loudly: Scatter!

I also have a hard time believing that a Byakugan user of Neji's skill would be so easily taken in by genjutsu

Honestly Team Guy is prime OT3 material their teamwork is amazing and they lift each other up constantly  

This is the second time in this set of exams that Team Guy has helped not only their competitors but also ninja from a different village the Leaf truly raises their babies right

“I wanna know which one's more valuable to the village... is it the boulder or you?” Still working on the charisma thing huh Gaara

Every mission Team Guy goes on:

Tenten/Neji: Lee how about we think about this before we start-

Lee: JUMPING INTO ACTION

“Please apologize to him!” I adore Lee

I'M SCREAMING NEJI IMPLYING THAT HE IS RIVALS WITH NARUTO INSTEAD OF LEE HE'S TRYING TO BREAK UP THE BAND

‘Hey Shira what's your technique?’ ‘Breathing really hard’

“Two Heaven scrolls. When should I break it to them?” Further proof that Dad!Neji would be ridiculous he has trouble breaking bad news to friends let alone babies

Kiba @ Hinata: Pay! Attention! To! Me!

I fucking love how Kiba has no qualms about anything gross like biting a slimy guy ‘let me at him’, breathing into my dog's nose ‘of course’, running around covered in dog urine ‘just a Tuesday’

These episodes have reawakened the inner Kiba/Hinata shipper in me

“Forget I ever mentioned Naruto okay?” omg I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Kiba blush before but the second he was called out about Naruto there it is

“Their persistence is extraordinary” this is true about the entire village tbh 

It’s not fair of you to compare your shadow clone abilities to a boy with a chakra demon inside of him Kiba 

“I can tell just how hard Naruto trained out here” so what ur saying is that u smell Naruto’s sweat

Kiba’s sure ready to brag for someone whose plan was just playing dead

“It’s the fault of the whole team” I don’t remember this guy’s name but I have a feeling that if Minato were alive he’d love him

“No you’re wrong it was me” Ggfkjghdfkghkd Kiba pls why are you like this

“Be nice and give us your scroll” tru Shinobi of the Leaf 

The Look(TM) Neji gives Lee when he gets Tenten in a bad mood

TENTEN’S HONESTLY WATCHING NEJI FROM THE BUSHES WHILE HE TRAINS LIKE HE DOES NOT HAVE THE BYAKUGAN 

“We’re able to fight so aggressively because we know that you have our backs” Guy is such a supportive sensei 10/10 (no pun intended)

“How did they turn out anyway?” “I have my doubts about them” LEE PLS

Real talk does the Akatsuki not know that the person hosting these exams is a jinchuriki he is the Kazekage

“Hi there, are you guys cliff-climbing too? Hang in there” KAKASHI HATAKE WITH SHITTY TRAINING PUNS COMING 2 SAVE MY LIFE 

Honestly Guy is the only sensei who seems to train his own kunoichi directly because both Ino and Hinata have clan-based jutsu and all of Kakashi’s babies were taken in by the Sanin

“The great nations don’t understand pain” like half the Leaf Village is orphans what more do u want from them Ajisai

“The Hidden Rain will soon be reborn” “Does that mean you’re gonna be more friendly then?” suffice to say the answer was no

Love my Leaf boys who won’t let people from other villages be attacked in an unfair way even by their own fellow villagers

Lee realizing that trash-talking insects doesn’t really work lmao 

Props to Lee for not holding a grudge against Gaara because he was both the reason he was injured before the last invasion and also one of the invaders  

“Sensei, have I gotten stronger since the last Chunin exam?” “Well, you should have” Inspiring self-confidence with Might Guy 

What a gentle and peppy intro it’s a change of pace from the intense bops

Thank you!!!!! I still don’t understand why Sakura couldn’t take out the first insect because she’s like the strongest woman alive

Omg Ino gently taking Sakura’s hand to heal it my bisexual heart <3 

“Where’s Shikamaru?” “He’s seeing off the delegates from the Hidden Sand” HE’S FLIRTING WITH TEMARI MY BOI

I aspire 2 be as committed to avoiding talking about my feelings as Asuma Sarutobi

Tsunade just doesn’t have the energy to entertain student rivalry lol 

“You just broke my concentration since you kept peeking over at me” this entire episode is incredibly gay and I love it 

“Because of you, I’m going to the place where I belong” this is ninja code for gay marriage (see: Tenzo’s infinite Tsukuyomi scene)

I LOVE SAKURA SHE PICKED A FIGHT WITH A SCORPION TO GET DINNER FOR HER FRIENDS MY KIND OF GAL

It actually makes complete sense that Tsunade never intended for Ino to become a medical ninja because it’s not Ino’s strongest technique but it’s useful on multiple levels 

I don’t know what Ino’s future job is supposed to be but I hope it’s Head of the intelligence division bc of Inoichi’s legacy

Honestly Sakura becomes even more impressive when you consider every battle she fought up until the war she was consistently depleting her chakra it’s a disadvantage similar to Kakashi’s sharingan and yet she not only managed to keep from being hospitalized but also was able to fight the Akatsuki and perform surgery

Honestly what on earth is this Sasuke business what a non-sequitor

Take a shot every time Orochimaru kidnaps a child

The fact that Sakura braces for impact bc she won’t even consider dodging at the cost of abandoning Ino’s body nfdgbfdgjdhfb

“I don’t care about the Chunin exams, I want to have my revenge!” okay Anime Bride of Chuckie 

“He’s probably forgotten all about you and has already found a better partner” Kurama truly hitting Naruto where it hurts 

I’m so proud of Sakura she is absolutely fucking adorable 

“Gaara, let’s get dinner” I’ve never heard those words said so intensely

Why is the animation on this sand so much better than the animation on literally anything else 

“Make sure he doesn’t step foot outside” lmao @ Gaara’s siblings trying to babysit him even though he’s the leader of the village

FURTHER LAUGHTER AT GAARA SNEAKING OUT OF HIS ROOM LIKE THE TEENAGER HE IS 

“This will take a lot more than gutsiness to overcome” [Naruto in the distance: How dare u Neji]

TEAM GUY CUDDLING OUT THE SANDSTORM I LOVE THEM!!!!

“I told you I was right,” said Mikoshi, as he began to drown in a pit of sand

Oh my god Fu wants to make a hundred friends to end all wars what a gal

“He sounds exactly like the kind of guy I’d like to meet and become friends with” that’s actually sad both because she dies before she can really know Naruto but he does meet her eventually through the tailed beasts

“Well, see ya!” jbfjhdkfjhgkjh Team Jonin Sensei is truly a beautiful thing 

It takes the Akatsuki like three days to extract a tailed beast and this dude is trying to do it in 30 seconds good luck my dude

Poor Neji he can’t stand to disappoint other people 

“We can’t just ignore someone in distress” Team Guy Saving People During the Chunin Exams Count: 4 <333

Take a shot every time someone on this show fantasizes about Naruto

“Yes, but that’s only because he’s a fool” this might be the closest Gaara has come to insulting Naruto in years

I want so badly for Neji and Gaara to be friends I love lonely ninja boys

"Get ready Fu, you’re next!” “Okay!!” I’ve never seen someone look so excited to get poked in the stomach

“I thank you, Neji. Never thought you’d rescue me” Team Guy Saving People During the Chunin Exams Count: 7

Take a shot every time Gaara tells someone about his crush on Naruto

“I wanted to try to heal the hurt I’d caused everyone” Gaara <3

Why are there so many heaven scrolls that seems to be all that anyone has

Gaara @ all the exam participants: You get to be a Chunin! You get to be a Chunin! Everyone gets to be a Chunin! 

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED THAT AJISAI IS ONE OF THE BODIES OF PAIN I DIDN’T REALIZE IT UNTIL THE EXAM WAS OVER BUT THEY’RE ABOUT TO CONFIRM IT

Are we about to watch a montage of all the people who died since the Chunin exams 

Oh my GOD Fu trying to befriend Kakuzu RIP 

Well I guess Neji’s double promotion makes way more sense than him taking a Jonin exam like months after his Chunin exam but still what an arbitrary decision-making process

[withandwithouts]

You know it does not matter how friendly you are. You know it does not matter how much cry. You know does not matter why are you the way you are. You know nothing matters. But forcing someone to live the life of a shadow does matter. Killing someone bit by bit every second does matter. Might not matter to you but it surely does to that one person. Everyday we come across news showing a girl or a guy getting raped or sexually abused or abducted but does anyone actually care about that one girl who was called a slut in her school? The guy who was bullied because he was gay? No one does because these thing happen everyday and we should get over it. You know what the person listening to them can but not the person facing all this ever would. Thoughts about stuff happening to them just keep coming to their mind and no one actually bothers to help them everyone just sits and listens and asks them to get over it you know why because it happens everyday. If it happens everyday and it is this common then rapes, murders and abductions should never be shown out in public you know why? Because these too happen everyday. It might be common for you to listen to a guy calling some girl a slut because she was surrounded by a group of guys but it is not for her. She takes them as her FRIENDS and then one day she finally decides to move on and forget, forget not just about people calling her names, people trying to touch her but forget about everything, she commits suicide. And we just call her weak but was she really weak? No people who never tried to help forced her to move into this decision. And you know what is worse that committing suicide, its forcing someone to live the life of a shadow. She walks into school everyday trying to smile, hiding her pain. She tries to make friends. But no one actually cares. People.cared about her being a slut because she was talking to guys. According to oxford dictionary a slut is a girl who got into acts of physical intimacy with more than a guy. Not a girl who talked to a few guys. And you know you what out of a 100 times 95 times a girl was calling another girl a slut. Everyday each one of us waste those 10 seconds of our lives judging someone and calling them by names not knowing that everyday in those 10 second 5 to 6 teenagers commit suicides because of being called out by names. I have lived the life where no one trued to listen to me and kwpt on judging me becuase someone made a story of me being a slut and its sucks. I still get thoughts of it and i still wake up in the middle of the night because of thoughts like these. You can never get over it. It is better to not pull someone it. You cannot change the world atleast change yourself and do what is right on your part. Live the life of the girl you just called slut. Live the life of the guy who was called gay because he has a low pitch voice. Just keep yourself in their shoes once and then you'll actually see the misery they face every second of every minute of every hour of everday. They might hide their scars but you need a heart to see those too. Try. Dont let another person be Hannah who commits suicide. Dont let another person live out the life of a shadow, dark and dull. Dont let another person die everyday and still breathe. Just dont. When you would make a person smile ,it would then matter. When someone would have you to talk to , it would then matter.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

> John and Dave: Respond ta memo.

n we out!CG AT ?:?? opened memo on board FRUITY RIZZLE ASSHOLE FACTORY.

CURRENT turntechgodheezee [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded ta mizzemo. Bounce wit me. 

CTG: what 

CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIZZAY NOW responded ta memo. Im crazy, you can't phase me. 

CEB: ok, i be hizzay cuz this is how we do it. CEB: Slap your mutha fuckin self. oh, hi dizzy! 

CTG: hey CIZZAY: what be go'n on 'n here fo gettin yo pimp on? CTG: some kinda izzle rizzles looks like 

?CG: EVERYBODY SHUT THA FIZZAY UP, I HATE YIZZOU BOTH, ETC. ETC. ETC. ?CG ya dig? NOW THAT THA PLEASANTRIES BE OUT OF THA WAY, THERE BE IMPIZZLE BUSINESS TA DISCUSS. ?CG: DIS MIZNEMO BE NIZZAY 'BOUT WHICH HOMEY CIZZAY MANAGE TA BE THA HIZZLE SIZZACK OF SHAME GLOBES TA ONE ANOTHER. ?CG: IT BE NOT 'BOUT WHIZZAY ONE OF US WILL MOST DECISIVELY ESCORT THA OTHA "TA SCHOO'", WIZZY THIZNEY WIZZY RECEIVE A VIZZAY HELP'N OF "OH SNAP" RAMMED DIZZOWN THEY INSATIABLE IGNORANCE SHAFTS. ?CG: DIS BE AN IMPORTIZZLE CONVERSATION WHICH I BELIEVE NEEDS TA TAKES PLACE HIZNERE N NOW, SO YIZZLE WILL BOTH SHAPE YO' SIZZY UP N PERHAPS BEGIN TA APPROXIMATE THUGZ WHO IZZLE EXCRUCIATINGLY RETARDED. 

CTG: ok lata windbag 

?CG: STRIDA FUCK OFF ?CG: N BY FUCK OFF I MIZZEAN FUCK OFF RIZZAY BIZZAY HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSIZZLE PRICK. 

CIZNEB in all flavas: Y-to-tha-izzeah, dave, don't go! CIZNEB: i think we should lizzle ta what he hizzas ta say like this and like that and like this and uh. 

?CG: YES, LISTIZZLE TO YOUR LEADA DAVE. ?CG: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. AS DUMB AS EGBIZZLE BE, HE BE SHOT CALLA THIZZAY YOU N BE THIZZE RIGHTFUL SUPERIOR AMONG YO' DREARY SHAWTY PARTY. ?CG: BUT I BE THA SUPERIOR OF B-TO-THA-IZZOTH OF YIZZAY N WIZZY YIZZLE REALLY NEE' TA BE DOGGY STYLIN' BE LISTEN'N TO ME. ?CG: SO DAVE, TRY TA KIZZAY ALL THOZE S-TO-THA-IZZICK FIZZLE CHECKED N THOZE STIZZLE L-TO-THA-IZZIPS PURZE' FO` A GOD DAMNED SECOND ?CG like old skool shit: N TAKES DIS SIMPLE BIT OF HATIZZLE ADVICE: ?CG: S-T-TO-THA-IZZOP DIPPIN' ON TEREZI IMMEDIATELY, IT FUCK'N RIDIN' TA WATCH. 

CTG: nah 

CEB, niggaz, better recognize: haha, dave yoe hitt'n on terezi? really?? 

CTG: no CTG: bizzay bitch he thizzle im hatin' im not go'n ta sizzy CTG: tha guys jealizzles obviously he T-H-to-tha-izzinks hizzay girlfriend has a th'n fo` me n you knizzow what hes probizzle right CTG so show some love, niggaz! but what elze be nizzew just anotha ladizzle from outa space mackin on me whateva chiznance sizzy gets 

?CG: OH, HA HA! IF SIZZY WAS A MOTORCYCLE, IT JUST JUMPED OVA A DOGGY STYLIN' CANYON. ?CG: THA CROWD GIZZOES WILD WIT DISMAY, AND THEN COMMITS M-TO-THA-IZZASS SUICIDE. 

CEB: karkizzle, be terezi rizzle yo' girlfriend? Snoop dogg is in this bitch. 

?CG: GUESS WIZZY DIS CONVERSATION BE 'BOUT, ya feel me? NIZNOT THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC. ?CG: AIZZY GUESS WHOZE BUSINESS THAT STILL ISN'T, WEED-SMOKIN' YOURS, THAT RIGHT. 

CTG: pretty sure shizze be CTG: or he thizzinks shizzay be or sum-m sum-m CTG: made it pretty obvioizzles whizzay he started rant'n at me months ago CTG: biznack W-H-to-tha-izzen i suspected theze trolls were full of shit CTG: bizzut nizzow look how far wizzy C-to-tha-izzome CTG: therizzles not any doubt lizneft 'bout that at all 

?CG: EVEN IF THIZZERE WAS ANYTH'N CRUISIN' ON, WHIZZAY THERE DEFINITELY [OOPS TIME TA MIZZIND YO' OIZZY BUSINESS AGAIN, ASSHOLE!] ?CG: OUR ROMIZZLE BE MIZNUCH MORE COMPLICATED T-H-TO-THA-IZZAN TIZZY JOKE THAT PASZES FO` YO' GANG BANGIN' OF THA CONCEPT. ?CG and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: YIZZY ONLY HAVE ONE QUADRANT so sit back relax new jacks get smacked! THAT J-TO-THA-IZZUST ABSURD. 

CTG: R-to-tha-izzight CTG: sizzy like its time ta gizzle a clizzle shizze be ova you dizzay 

CEB: what be so different 'bout yo' rizzle like a motha fucka? CEB: what a quadrant? hizzle many d-ya hizzle? Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. 

CTG now pass the glock: john god dammit stizzay embarrass'n us CTG: first of all wizneve gots ta be on record hizzle as not rhymin' a shit 'bout that CTG: second obvioizzle thizzles giznonna be 4 quadrants come on 

?CG cuz this is how we do it: JIZZY, I TAKES BACK EVERYTH'N I SIZZLE 'BOUT YOU BEIN THA SMART ONE. ?CG cuz its a doggy dog world: DAVE BE NOW THA LEADA, EVIZZLE THOUGH HE A SMUG SHITSTAIN WIT SHADES N A POKIZZLE FACE. ?CG: IF THIZZERE WIZNERE FIVE, T-H-TO-THA-IZZEY'D BE CALLED QUINTDRANTS, GIT IT? You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.?? 

CEB: wizzy, okay! Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. CEB ta help you tap dat ass: wizzy cares, jeeeeeeeez. 

?CG: YIZZES, EXACTLY. WHO CIZZLE? ?CG: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. AS FASCINAT'N AS A LIZZLE ON ALL TIZZY WOULD BE, IT NOT WHAT DIS BE 'BOUT. ?CG: WHICH BRINGS ME TA A RELATED POINT OF BUSINESS. ?CG: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. JOHN, DIZZON'T T-H-TO-THA-IZZINK I DIZZIDN'T NOTICE HOW MANY E YIZZY JUST TYPED THERE. ?CG: THAT GOTS TA SIZZY TOO. CIZZLE: whizzay does? ?CG: STOP TALK'N TA VRISKA. I'M FUCK'N SERIOUS. 

CIZZEB: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. whizzat! Im crazy, you can't phase me. CIZZAY cuz its a doggy dog world: no way. vriska coo', i'll rap ta ha all i want! Tru niggaz do niggaz.  

?CG: You gotta check dis shit out yo. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ?CG fo gettin yo pimp on: YOU JACKASZES HAVE NO IDEA WHIZZLE YOE GETTING YOURSELVES INTO. ?CG with the S-N-double-O-P: T-H-TO-THA-IZZEY'RE DANGEROUS, N YOE J-TO-THA-IZZUST BLUNDER'N RIGHT INTO THEY HYPERCOMPETITIVE MINDFIZZLE MURDER-THICKET. ?CG: THEZE PSYCHO GIRLS HAVE ALREADIZZLE GOTTEN EACH OF YOU ICED AT LEAST ONCE TA MAH KNOWLEDGE. 

CIZZLE: wizzell, yizzle... 

CEB: but terizzle iced me 'n an altizzle timelizzle, so that isn't too bizzay i guess puttin tha smack down. CEB: plus, i be pretty sizzy that she be sorry 'bout it. 

?CG: OH GIZZLE, YIZZOU EVEN KNIZZOW 'BOUT IT? ?CG: N YOE STILL GETT'N UP TA THEZE ANTICS ?CG with the S-N-double-O-P: YOU BE BIZZOTH CHILLIN' HOPELESS, I GIVE UP. 

CTG: k then byizne 

?CG: SHIZZUT YO' SQIZZUAWK BROTHA N STAY PUT. ?CG: I'M NOT DONE. 

CTG: One, two three and to tha four. siznounds liznike a loudmouth inferiority th'n go'n on hizzle ta me CTG: like yizzle dizzy wizzay ta acknowledge thizzle yo' troll ladies find a cizzy of humizzle dudes irresistible 

?CG: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. YOU D-TO-THA-IZZON'T GIT IT. ?CG: I DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME SICK TA MAH VARIOUS BIZZAY OF ALIEN PHYSIOLOGY YOU NEVA HEARD OF, THEZE GIZNIRLS BE CLEARLY MOBBIN' WIT BOTH OF YOU PRETTIZZLE HARD. ?CG: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. THA FACT THIZNAT T-H-TO-THA-IZZEY HAVE SWEPT YIZNOU BOTH INTO THEY SIZZY ASSASSINIZZLE GAMES BE SADLY WHIZZAT MIZZLE DIS OBVIOUS. ?CG: THAT WHAT T-H-TO-THA-IZZEY DO. 

CEB: wizzle... CIZZEB: be yizzou spendin' that vrizziska be interested 'n me hittin that booty? CEB: like, romantically in tha hood? 

?CG in tha dogg pound: EGBERT JIZZAY EARNED A FIZZAY BRAIN POINTS! ?CG: Im crazy, you can't phase me. HE HIZZLE REACHED A NIZZEW RIZZUNG ON HIZZLE HUSTLA, "EASILY OUTFOXED BY SIMPLE UTENSILS" ?CG: "BUCKAROO" ?CG: OR SUM-M SUM-M LIKE THAT 

CTG n we out! smooth 

CEB: oh man. CEB: uh... 

?CG: YES LET ALL HIZZAVE A BOOTYLICIOUS BIZZY OH DAWG OVER THAT ?CG: N THIZZLE BLINGIN' CUT THA HORSIZZLE FOREVER. SOUND GIZZY with my forty-fo' mag? 

CEB: i'm not sure what ta think 'bout dis. CEB cuz Im tha Double O G: D-to-tha-izzave, W-H-to-tha-izzat d-ya think i should do? 

CTG: i dizzle CTG: d-ya like ha 

CEB: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. well, like i said, i thought she was pretty coo'... CIZNEB: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. kinda bossy! but also pretty friendly.  

CTG: They call me tha black folks president. yeah ok CTG: biznut i mean CTG: doggy stylin' more than that CTG cuz its a doggy dog world: like CTG like old skool shit: if earth wasnt destroyed n shizze werent 'n some otha univerze on a planet full of unspeakable crack-a-lackin` dipshizzles CTG cuz its a G thang: n she wizzy on earth visit'n yo' ghetto or sum-m sum-m CTG: Chill as I take you on a trip. would you want ta ask ha ta go siznee one of yo' dumbass movies CTG: like tha new maconnohey jam where he smizzirks n like all biznut deliberately driznaws tha audiencizzles ire like a gizzle magnetron 

CEB: mcconaughey!!!!!!!! CEB: um, wizzow, i don't know. CIZZEB: i mean, yeah, sizzure it would be fiznun ta do sum-m sum-m lizzy that wit ha, i T-H-to-tha-izzink cuz this is how we do it. CEB: but... Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. CEB: beyond thizzle, it a shawty blunt-rollin'! CIZZLE: i D-to-tha-izzon't thizzink i have eva actually liked a gizzle before 'n that wiznay, so i be not really sure what i be suppoze' to feel or do, know what im sayin? 

?CG: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. HOLIZZLE FUCK WHAT BE I EVEN READ'N HIZZERE????? 

CTG: doesnt concern you diznude 

?CG: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. OK JIZNOHN, BE YO' RIDIN' QIZZUITE SORTED OUT YIZZET? ?CG: BE YOU QIZZY DIZZONE SLOGG'N THROUGH THA EMOTIONAL MORASS OF ADOLESCENCE, EMERG'N F-R-TO-THA-IZZOM THA SLUDGE 'N YO' JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGY WADA? ?CG: BE WE FEEL'N JUST A SHAWTY BIT NIGGA? DIZZID WE GROW TODAY? THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL! ?CG: YOU WOULD THINK MESSIN' YOU GIZZLE THAT FRATERNIZ'N WIT THEZE FEMALES BE RIDIN' YO' LIVES 'N DANGA WOULD BE ENOUGH. ?CG, chill yo: REALLY, DANGA YIZZLE SIZNAY so sit back relax new jacks get smacked? OH GOODNESS, WE NEARLY MADE A HIZZLE MISTIZZLE! WIZZY THIZZANK YIZZOU, MR. TROLL, HOW GRACIOIZZLE OF YOU TA ALERT US TA OUR FOOLISHNESS. 

CTG: i dunno dawg doesnt sound like you really gots our interests 'n miznind here CTG: you just sound kinda bitta CTG fo gettin yo pimp on: did one of tha hizzle ladies rizzle yizzy 

?CG: OF COURZE NOT. 

CTG: how dizzid it go did you stand 'n a qizzle like yizzay were play'n four square CTG: hizzle a bucket fizzle of motherfucka or slime or whatizzle n jizzy was like no thanks brizzle CTG: be that how it went dizzown 

?CG: YES, YOU FIGIZZLE IT OUT! YOU BE A SAVANT OF XENOBIZZLE DIZZAVE N I SALIZZLE YOU WIT ONE OF MAH MANY INTERGIZZLE SPACE TENDRILS ?CG fo gettin yo pimp on: (THAT FAKE, I MADE THAT UP TA FIZZAY WIT YIZZOU) 

CTG bitch ass nigga: or M-to-tha-izzaybe it wiznas a homey who rejizzle yizzou 

?CG: FUCK OFF. 

CTG: H-to-tha-izzaha wow bingo CTG: see hizzy i look right now thats a poka face might want ta takes some notes 

?CG: I SEE NUTTIN BIZNUT A COWARD BEHIND DARK EYEWEAR CLIZZLE DESIGNED FO` BITCHEZ N A PAIR OF IMPIZZLE LIZNIPS PURZE' SO TIGHT IT'LL SIZNOUND LIKE AIR SQUEAL'N OUT OF A BALLOON WHEN I PUNCH YIZZLE 'N THA GUT. 

CTG: oh god stizzop talk'n about mah lips thizzats tha secizzle time CTG: ok youre clearly gay n youve probably gots some izzles 'bout it diznude CTG and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: john just a heezees up 'n tha future i thizzle yizzay gonna spurn oizzy of hizzy awkward advances 

CIZZY: uh oh! 

?CG: JIZZY DON'T LISTEN TA DIS HUSTLA, HE THE W-TO-THA-IZZORST HOMEY AT GIV'N ADVIZZLE I'VE EVA SEEN. 

CEB: yizzay, i dizzy dave, i hizzle talkizzle ta karkat a lot n i really dizzon't thizzink he has a messin' fo` me. 

?CG: EXACTLY. JOHN ONCE AGIZZLE BE CRACK-A-LACKIN` HIGH AS SMIZZLE HUMAN. ?CG: Chill as I take you on a trip. N JOHN, PURIZZLE HYPOTHETICALLY, IF ONE OF US 'N TIZZY FUTURE DIZZAY MAKE SOME SORT OF SOLICITATION YOU DON'T QIZZAY UNDERSTAND... ?CG cuz I'm fresh out the pen: COZ OF PERHAPS SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES ?CG: Bounce wit me. I MEAN NO ONE 'N PARTICULAR HERE ?CG: MAYBE TRY TA UNDERSTAND THIZZLE PIZZLE MIGHT NOT BE THINK'N TOO CLEARLY AT THAT MOMENT 

CEB in all flavas: uh... 

?CG: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. IT MIGHT BE THA CIZZLE THAT T-H-TO-THA-IZZIS PERSON HAS GOTTEN TOO WRAPPED UP 'N A SORT OF CALIGINOUS IDEAL ?CG: N GIT CARRY AWAY, POSSIBLY SO MUCH SO THEY WIZNERE BLIZNIND TA HIZZAY COMPLETELY FUCKED UP N WIZZAY IT WOULD BE TA PIZZLE ANYTH'N LIZZIKE THAT WIT ANOTHA SPECIES ?CG: ESPECIALLY ONE THAT DIZNIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THA CONCIZZLE OF A CALIGINIZZLE RELATIONSHIP 

CTG: whiznat CTG: tha fizzle CTG: be you talk'n 'bout 

?CG: BUT I'M NOT THIZZAT PERSON. I HIZZAY A FIRM GRASP ON HOW DERANGE' N UNNATURAL IZZLE SORT OF INTERSPECIES RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE, WHETHA CALIZZLE OR CONCUPISCENT. ?CG: SO I ASK ?CG: NO I'M FUCK'N BEGG'N YIZZY BOTH ?CG: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. TA QUIT HO-SLAPPIN' UP THEZE SHIZZLE BRIZZAY N LEAVE WELL IZZLE ALONE. 

CTG: thizzats obviously not gonna happen 

?CG: FUCK. ?CG: LOOK. ?CG: ALRIGHT I ADMIT DIS ISN'T PURELY MAGNANIMOUS CIZZLE FO` YO' SAFIZZLE HERE. ?CG: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. WIZZLE ALL SORT OF STEPPIN' UP A PLAN RIZZY NOW. ?CG: Im crazy, you can't phase me. MAH RIZNIGHT NOW. ?CG: WHICH IF SUCCESSFUL, MIZZAY, N I DO STRESS MAY, END UP WIT ALL OF US MEET'N FACE TA FACE. ?CG: N WHAT I'D LIKE TA AVOID IF AT ALL POSSIBLE ?CG so i can get mah pimp on: BE TA HAVE DIS RENDEZVOUS INSTANTLY DETERIORATE INTO A LIZZY OF REVOLTING TROLL/HUMIZZLE SLOPPY MAKEOUTS. ?CG: T-H-TO-THA-IZZAT WOULD JUST RUIN IT FO` ME, OK? ?CG: REALLY THA THA SCENARIZZLE THAT I BE SURE WIZZLE CAUZE ME TA REGRET SUCCESS. GOTS IT ridin' in mah double R? 

CEB in tha mutha fuckin club: er... CEB: do... CIZZLE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: you think that vizzy is dippin' to try ta make out wit me?

?CG: SHIZZAY UP. ?CG: Tru niggaz do niggaz. I'M NOT ANSWER'N YO' D-TO-THA-IZZUMB QUESTIZZLE 'BOUT HIZZOW MUCH SNOGG'N YOE 'N FOR N I'M NIZZOT WEED-SMOKIN' INTERSPECIES MIZZY MAKA HERE. ?CG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT BE WRONG WIT YIZZAY GUYS? ?CG doggystyle: I SHOULDN'T EVEN NEE' TA BE SAYING DIS. ?CG: GOD DAMMIZZLE, IT NIZNOT EVIZZLE L-TO-THA-IZZIKE YIZNOU DIZZON'T HIZZLE ACTIZZLE HUMAN FEMIZZLE NEARBY FO` ACTUAL BIOLOGICALLY VIABLE MATESPRITSHIPS! ?CG: DO I H-TO-THA-IZZAVE TA DRAW YIZNOU A DIZZLE??? 

CEB: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. roze n jade to increase tha peace? CEB: so, uh... CIZZAY: yiznou want us ta L-to-tha-izzike, dizzay them? 

?CG: WOULD IT REALLY WEED-SMOKIN' KILL YIZZLE TA CONSIDA IT? Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house.????? ?CG: I MEAN GOD. WHIZZAY D-YA EVEN THINK YOE STRAIGHT TRIPPIN' HERE 'N DIS GAME? ?CG: YOE CREAT'N YO' OIZZY UNIVERZE TA GO LIVE 'N. ?CG: N JUST HOW D-YA THIZNINK YO' SPECIZZLE BE SUPPOZE' TA REPOPULATE ITSIZZLE??????????? IDIOTS. 

CTG: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. dude CTG: no CTG: jiznust CTG: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. stop 

?CG: OH OK, SO THA IZZLE H-TO-THA-IZZERE BE THA ONLY ONE CONCERNED WIT THA PROPAGATIZZLE OF YO' SPECIES. ?CG: THIZZLE MAKES A LOT OF FUCK'N SENZE. WHY DON'T YOU WIZE THA FUCK UP, COOLDOUCHE? 

CEB: i think he is R-to-tha-izzight, i T-H-to-tha-izzink we be all a shawty young to be cruisin' 'bout that! 

?CG: WELL NO SHIT, NOW YIZZLE BE OBVIOUSLY. ?CG: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. BUT WHIZZAY 'BOUT LATA? THINK 'BOUT THA BIG PICTURE. ?CG: HIZZY DID HUMANITY GIT AS FIZZLE AS IT GOTS BEIN SO DUMB?  

CEB, ya feel me? um, also, CIZZLE: we be kinda all related! sizzle of. through shared ghost slizzay genes. right? CEB: so, uh... 

?CG: OH RIGHT, THA BIZIZZLE HUMAN ANATHEMA OF INCEST, I FORGOT. 

CTG where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': oh mah fuck'n gizzay CTG: pizzy let dis conversizzle not be tak'n place 

?CG: OK WELL LET SAY THAT HYPOTHETICALLIZZLE A PROBLEM, EVEN THOUGH I'M RACK'N MAH BRAIN TA UNDIZZLE WHY IT WOULD BE. ?CG: I GIZZLE I W-TO-THA-IZZILL HAVE TA DRAW YIZNOU A DIAGRAM, COZ YOU BE JUST THIZZLE STUPID. ?CG: HERE ?CG like this and like that and like this and uh: http://tinyurl.com/MATINGDIAGRAMFORMORONS 

CTG: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. ok youre by far tha wizzay artist out of any of us CTG: n thizzay say'n sum-m sum-m 

?CG: SHUT UP I DREW IT FIZZAST ?CG so show some love, niggaz! NOW ?CG: AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE, THERE BE ONLY TIZZY S-TO-THA-IZZETS OF COMPATIBLE QUADRANTS HERE FO` LEGITIMIZZLE CONCUPISCENT PAIRINGS. ?CG: DAVE N ROZE BE "RELATED" ?CG where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': JADE N J-TO-THA-IZZOHN BE "RELIZZLE" ?CG: THIZNAT ONLY LEAVES TWIZNO PAIRS. ?CG: ONCE AGAIN, THA DECISIONS STRAIGHT TRIPPIN' TA HUMAN ROMANCE REMAIN STUNNINGLIZZLE SIMPLE. ?CG: N YET I STIZZILL HIZNAVE TA SPELL IT OUT FO` YOU. YOE WELCOME. ?CG: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. NOW GO H-TO-THA-IZZASSLE YO' FUTIZZLE MATESPRITS N LIZZEAVE THA TRIZZLE GIZZIRLS ALONE. 

CTG: thx fo` tha shipp'n G-R-to-tha-izzid bro imma drop everyth'n n go hizzle a baby wit jade right nizzle CTG: no peek'n k CIZZAY: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. wizzow, i have ta marry roze cuz Im tha Double O G? 

CIZZEB: uh... CEB: wiznow. 

?CG fo gettin yo pimp on: N NIZNOW THAT I HIZZLE SAVED YO' ENTIZZLE WORTHLIZZLE SPECIES WIT MAH IMPIZZLE ROMANCE BROKER'N SKILLS ?CG: I WIZZY BIZZY YIZZY A BITTA FUCK'N FAREWELL. ?CG: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. JEGUS I AM SO TIRED. 

CTG: yiznou shizzay go back ta slizneep CTG: it was so mizzay cracka whiznen you were asleep n i basically neva had ta listizzle ta yizzou eva 

?CG: I CAN'T GO TA SLEEP 

CEB: why not? 

?CG in tha hood: COZ I'M TOO TIRED TA EXPLAIN WHY BE WHY. ?CG: YIZZY FIGURE IT OUT LATER. ?CG: MEMO OVER. ?CG: GIT OUTTA HERE. 

?CG banned CIZNEB frizzle straight trippin' ta mizzemo fo gettin yo pimp on. ?CG banned CTG from crack-a-lackin` ta M-to-tha-izzemo.

?CG cloze' mizzle.

> Karkat: Be Past Karkat.