#its so bad. i literally was standing for the pledge of allegiance and i said to myself

[theclosetedskeleton]

thinking about how i forgot my headphones today at school so to make up for the fact that i couldn't listen to dk i just counted how many [small + random] things i could find at my school/during the day that could be counted as dk references. i found 33 GHEKLP

[rfhusnik]

The Return Of The Man Behind The Screen Part One

      Written By:  George Jennifer and Anonymous

         MAYOR JENNIFER SPEAKS:  One of the last things Ralph Hawk said to me before he relinquished the mayoral duties of this city to me was “I think you’ll find that the usual, or expected tasks of being a city’s mayor will be the easiest parts of the job you’ll soon be undertaking. It will probably be those things which deal with the unexplainable, or the bizarre, which you’ll find the most stressful.” And of course he was correct in that assertion.  

           Yesterday Joseph Same dropped by my office and handed me a rather long and disjointed essay which he said he’d been asked to give me by someone he referred to as The Man Behind The Screen. And he said The Man Behind The Screen was an acquaintance of his, having accompanied him (Joe) on his so-called “excursions.” And I found the essay to be rather long, yet also quite interesting. Therefore I will seek its publication on the internet. But I think, due to its length, that I’d better submit it in two parts. And I’ve split those parts at a point at which the dichotomy between the life temporal and the life eternal is being discussed. But Part Two takes up exactly where Part One left off, except that I’ve changed a few minor words at that juncture to achieve what I believe to be a smoother transition between the parts. And thus, the remainder of this piece, plus all of Part Two, will now be the words of someone I’ve not met, but who, apparently for symbolic reasons wears a metal screen around his face whenever he’s seen in public.

           THE MAN BEHIND THE SCREEN SPEAKS:  Although my face is always hidden from those who supposedly know so much about current and historical situations, I see through those people. And I know what their hearts and minds really pledge allegiance to. And, frankly, I respect only those who truly care about a society which cares for its own. I have no tolerance for those who support a political party which allows our borders to be trampled upon.

           All people attempting to enter the U.S. illegally, despite whatever manufactured reasons they may have for doing so, should be sent back from whence they came. But their names should be recorded here in the U.S., and should those people again attempt an illegal entry of the U.S., they should be incarcerated here for a long period of time.

           But unfortunately, because many Americans have been tricked into believing that the greatest current mandate of the U.S. Congress is the snooping through of old tax returns, and the gossiping and lying about a riot, America’s, as well as Ukraine’s borders continue to be violated. And yet, gradually now, the American populace is realizing that it’s being manipulated by a political party which actually cares nothing about it. Rather, its only concern is the furtherance of left wing viewpoints and dangerous lifestyles. But who knows why the members of that party nominated as its leader someone who is embarrassing them, himself, and America.

           And I know many Americans feel they made a mistake in the last presidential election. Yet, all that can be done about mistakes is to learn from them, rectify them if possible, and simply move on from them. But is simply saying we’re sorry for wrongs committed enough, or do we need to attempt to reach backward in an effort to supposedly correct all that was, or still is amiss? And isn’t it true that in the midst of a myriad of earthly problems, we have no alternative but to figuratively, and sometimes literally fight on?

           And after one acknowledges wrongs committed, and dedicates oneself to “moving on,” is not the next step then the seeking of forgiveness if such forgiveness is needed? Well, often I find myself trying to be convinced that all is well, or at least not too bad. And then sometimes I find myself standing in the sunshine of a life believed to be well lived. And then I try to lessen all of life’s contradictions. And, often then, I come to believe that years from now all that currently concerns me will be insignificant to almost all mortals; and yes, that group may even include myself, if at such a time I’m still alive.

           But just now, today, my thoughts aren’t appeasing. Indeed they’re apprehensive. And today I’m willing to admit that if such is the wish of propriety’s administrators, I’ll ask forgiveness for whenever I either consciously or unconsciously used, or adopted as part of my being, any insights granted mankind by any of those who understand life better than I. And yet, I’ll go on living. And I’ll note how time continues on. And I’ll guess that beyond known symbolic references, I wear a screen about my face to indicate that many mortals “put on false faces” when they appear in the presence of their fellow humans.

           But the fact that many try to hide their true identities stimulates me to wonder why rumors and gossip are of such interest to so many. And here are what I believe those who cherish gossip consider to be the two most significant questions whose answers they feel they must both ponder and spread about:  ONE:  Have any known or unknown mortals, whether living near or far, fallen into any recent sins? And TWO:  How much time must pass before any act ever committed can be viewed as no longer important?

           But maybe it’s a fear that they themselves will soon be considered no longer important that spurns many mortals onward. Yet, such a dilemma shouldn’t concern those who have no fear of what awaits them in eternity. Still, we know that many mortals have no belief in an afterlife or, believe in one which won’t be real. Nonetheless, the majority of that type does seem to highly emphasize temporal existence and, it’s probably not difficult to understand why.

[queenoflightningpoet]

Character sketch

This is a little different than my normal poetry and a lot longer. I wrote it for class and wanted to share it here. Tw for physical abuse, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse. 

!!!

Our middle school had stricter rules than my house. Their unofficially Catholic values were underlined in every class. The most hilarious and absurd rules of this institution included but were not limited to: no boots (too informal for footwear), no gelled hairstyles (spikes are of the devil), no scarves, and failure to recite the pledge of allegiance everyday would result in suspension. This was the world I was thrown into. The kind of place a Mormon girl is sent in the urban sprawl to avoid the public middle school. According to my mother the reason for this was a pregnant seventh grader at the public middle school, but I fear the problems at my school was just as bad if not better kept secrets.

We went there together, best friends fresh out of elementary school. She stood next to me, about a half inch taller for the first four years of our friendship until my legs came in violently. Her deep brown hair shone and glistened under private school fluorescent lights. She strutted around in pleated navy skirts and white polos, her eyes always hunting for someone new. While she was sweet and delicate looking, her almond eyes snapped from person to person, just searching for a weakness to exploit. That was why I had liked her in the beginning.

Her name was Jen. She stuffed her ego with the people she let get close, people like me. Her slender hands always seemed to find my wrist in the crowds at assemblies, our arms linking as we sat by each other. She reminded me of a tiger. Her calculated protection and subsequent friendships seemed strategic. When I would ask her about it, she would pull a sucker out of her mouth, lips stained purple, and say “No need to worry about that.”

She had a knack for power, even in middle school when our knees were dirtier than our hands. She would find out secrets just by looking and in turn she would trade one of theirs for one of hers. It was a sort of preteen binding ritual. They were inextricably linked from then on. Her hordes of friends grew over our years in that Febreze clean school, but only she was allowed to be my friend. Anytime anyone would look at me in a slightly friendly way she would beat them off with an arm around my bony shoulders or a sneer that would show off her exaggerated canines. I began swallowing my opinions like the school’s slimy canned peaches.

She would come to school with bruises. Some from ballet class, pushing herself too hard. Others were from her Russian dance teachers. A smaller number she would cover with her hand and shrug, her sharp smile accompanying a weak excuse. I quickly learned the size of her father’s fingers by the bruises that looked like pinches. I could draw the size of her ballet instructor’s cane by the hyphenated bruises on the back of her thighs that were three inches too big for his standards. Her feet were a scarred mess, toenails always falling off and sores that never healed.

In her darkened bedroom, one blanket pulled over us both, she used to tell me about the punishments she got for having blood seep through the pink satin of her pointe shoes. Her arms would tighten around my waist as I combed her hair with my fingers. Her hushed voice stuttered over the timed stretches and literal lashes she received for being unable to prevent a red stain. My softer body shuddered at what she had endured, my dancer’s feet only slightly better looking than hers. She would stroke a hand down my back eliciting a shiver before pinching my side lightly and saying goodnight, kissing me on the forehead.

She was a sealed box to all but me. Something I would one day wish I had never opened. Perhaps it had something to do with me taking care of her in school when she had first arrived from Korea. Her English was spotty, her white mother tried her best to get her Korean baby to wrap her small lips around softer sounds but only got confused staring. For those first years, I took care of her. I was her shield from teachers and students alike. Maybe it was her way of repaying the favor, cutting me off from anyone who tried to be my friend. Maybe she didn’t know how to love after her family’s litany of punishments for slights and her ballet instructor’s cane and constant body shaming. Or maybe after all she had endured, she enjoyed hurting someone who trusted her so completely.

As she grew, she became more beautiful. And she used it to her advantage, dating boys who would get her bootleg test answers for a cherry lip gloss kiss. It was first here, in seventh grade that I learned she was growing bored of me. It was when her boyfriend Nate touched and groped my butt, tripping me to look up my skirt, stealing my water bottle and selling it back for a kiss. She would stand by and laugh, looking at me like I was doll for her to play with as she wished. Nate had a different kind of doll in mind, but before his fun she would whisk me off to my house and give me makeovers. She dressed me, did my hair and makeup, and made me promise to wear it for the rest of the day.

As soon as she closed the door behind her, I stripped and returned to my natural state of tomboyish hues and low maintenance hair. Her taste for pink and perfect curls left a raw taste in my mouth, my opinion counting about as much as hers always did in her parents’ house. It was at this point that I started having dreams of abandoning her. Jen often told me what to do, and most of the time I said yes. But the rare times I would look at her black Pumas and say no, she would lift my chin with her finger and glare at me.

“Do it or I’ll tell my mom you don’t need a ride home. I’ll leave you behind and let you find your own way back. I think you’d make it before dark. Maybe Nate will walk you home.” She would speak like I was her disobedient child. I would grit my teeth and do as she asked, my heart pounding in my chest. It was because of her that my first panic attack started a wild chain of obeisance and obedience. Opportunities to choose for myself came few and far between. She started ending most sentences with “Tell anyone and I’ll kill you. I know where my dad keeps his hunting knife.”

That would make my heart stutter no matter if it was the fourth time I had heard it that day. At the same time, I didn’t think I could ever leave her. We needed each other. I thought it was better that she hurt me instead of another. I thought she would keep me awake when I drifted into an anxiety attack. I asked her to hurt me if it was what she wanted to hear. I feared her more than God, her influence had wormed its way deep into my life. I saw her every day for almost four years, my fear and love for her growing with each encounter.

As she grew in popularity, she isolated me often leaving me in the company of her boyfriend of the week. These encounters either ended in fist fights delaying sexual harassment or muscle flexing competitions. This isolation lead to the school’s prime rumor that year: that I was a lesbian in love with my best friend (it’s still funny to me that the worst insult in middle school was “lesbian”). While I was in love with her, the lesbian part was incorrect.

Jen’s family life continued to pound her body and she often used makeup to cover her bruises and cuts. I was always there holding the antiseptic and tissues for her inevitable breakdown. After bandaging her up, I would let her take out some of her aggression on me. I thought it would help her to not blow up in school. I reassured her she was beautiful, and she told me she wanted to kill me. I guess you could say we were both toxic. We both had reasons to cry and hurt each other, but when it came down to it, we always fell back on each other for comfort. Honestly, I’m not sure if I miss her or want to watch her be beaten to death with her teacher’s cane. Either way, I’m sure I deserve the same.

[mdwatchestv]

The Magicians 3x12 + 3x13: Hail to the King, Baby

Better late than never, here is the finale wrap up of season 3 of the Magicians. Maybe this is so late because I was decimated by the Magicians thoroughly recapping itself in a manner so comprehensive and aggressive that I was briefly unable to continue on. Josh's recap of the 40th timeline to Penny 23 was so snappy and entertaining, it sent me into a wild fit of existential despair - how does one recap a show that recaps itself? Josh even had sex charts, and comprehensive notes showing the kind of recap mastery  you will not see on this blog.  Thus is the charm and the fury of the Magicians, a show that refuses to be tamed, categorized, or even written about coherently. Long may it reign.

It was especially interesting, here at the end of season 3, to look back via Josh's recap to season 1. Q and Alice wearing the Brakebills sweater vest set was especially strange to remember, and illustrated how far this show has ventured tonally since its earlier days. While season 1 was not without its batshit crazy moments, its Taylor Swift sing-a-longs, its 39 timelines, the show still felt like it was trying to color inside the lines. This was a story about young witches and wizards on a quest to defeat a great evil after all. This good vs evil storyline crept into season 2, where we finally saw the Beast's demise, but by then he was almost an afterthought as the Magicians ached to move on to bigger, wilder subjects than just one evil wizard. So now that we are in season 3, what is the Magicians about? Sure there is a quest to restore magic, but the show has broken free of it's "defeat the bad guy, save the world" mold. Antagonism and heroism can be found within individual characters, within moral battles about who is worthy of magic, life, and freedom, and within questions about how to govern a body of people (and talking animals) selflessly.

Nowhere has this intricacy and complex development been better illustrated than in the unending power struggle in Fillory. After seizing control from the Children of Earth, Tick Pickwick wants to put a country impoverished by the lack of magic and radical mismanagement back on the economic track. A Fillory run by actual Fillorians rather than magicless Earth children who were really just puppets for the Fairy Queen (another ruler trying to do the best for her people no matter the cost). Honestly the worst that can be said for Tick is that he betrayed our two most fiercely beloved characters, which although a grave offense from an audience point of view, actually had pretty noble intent. The Fillory storyline ended in a standoff of three different rulers, all of whom were trying to do right by their citizenry. It's a complex situation with many shades of gray and no real "right answer" in the context of the Fillorian world (no matter where our audience sympathies may lie). What a brilliant and odd place for a show initially advertised merely as "Harry Potter with sex, drugs, and partying" to end up.

Coming into episode 3x12, our magic troop has recovered all seven keys but one (key #6), which we know to be held by the Fairy Queen and is currently being used to prop up the Fairy Realm. Margo and Eliot are willing to give the Fairies full Fillorian citizenship and protection in exchange for the key, but they are no longer the rulers of Fillory, and don't have the magic to reclaim the throne from Tick. No magic, no power, no key, no magic. So they do what any self-respecting ousted monarchs do: force an election they intend to win through trickery and witchcraft. What begins as a genuine play for the Fillorians love (and votes), quickly devolves into a pissing contest between Eliot and Tick. The two attempt to one-up on another, Tick with policy, Eliot with outlandish empty promises. Feels...so familiar.

This storyline hit such a nerve with me that when Margo was announced as the surprise winner and new High King of Fillory, I burst into sudden, surprised tears. These tears only intensified as Eliot put aside his flaring ego to kneel before her and pledge his allegiance. "WHY AM I CRYING," I screamed at my boyfriend and cat who only stared back at me with wide terrified eyes. Why indeed. Maybe it was because Margo's genuine interest and acceptance of her populace (she was elected as a write-in candidate by talking animals) was able to cut through a cock fight. Margo who has perhaps suffered the most for Fillory: she has been showered in the blood of her suitors, married off to Joffrey's, and even lost an eye. Margo who started this series as a hard-partying mean girl who has risen to the top without compromising her own sense of self. Margo who once called her rival a chalky twat, Margo who brought a gun to a magic fight, Margo who has a creepy fairy eye. Margo who is now King, because a King can be called whatever the fuck they want.

Margo's storyline is also but one of the storylines this season that featured powerful women rising into their power. The Fairy Queen, who began this year as a villain, had one of the most season’s powerful turns. After proving herself to be a staunch advocate for her people rather than a malicious baddie she sacrifices herself in order to guarantee eternal safety for her people. Although I couldn't help wondering why no one had brokered such a deal before, but whatever it's done now, and I now cannot wait until Jamie Ray Newman gets her ass handed to her (a sentence I never thought I’d type). Julia also spent the season reconciling the power she was given by Our Lady Underground, eventually accepting it and nurturing it until it gave her (literal) god-like strength. But my personal favorite journey this year was that of Fen - the knife makers daughter who was married off to a king. Fen has really been through it, she lost her unborn daughter, her fake daughter, and even some toes. No matter the complexities of the fairy's sitch, there is no doubt they have done our girl Fen dirty. And so seeing Fen sitting on the Fillorian throne as Acting High King, and standing by the Fairy Queen's side attempting to aide her until the bitter end, was especially meaningful.

So with High King Margo on the throne, the magicians finally have all 7 keys and the final chapter of the quest book. They need to take the keys to a magic castle where the Knight in the story went to rescue her father, and is now apparently the eternal jailer of some terrifying monster. After hunting down Calypso, the nymph who imprisoned Odysseus (obviously), she explains that the the castle Blackspire (the literal opposite of Whitespire) is the castle built by the gods in order to hide all their fuck ups and also holds the magic fountain. Calypso’s lover and popular fire-gifter Prometheus crafted both the keys and the key quest in order to identify magicians worthy enough to take on the jailer mantle. However creating the keys robbed Prometheus of his strength and he was killed by his enemies. Calypso is pissed about this, but if I know anything about Prometheus (and the show The Magicians) it's that he is kind of a hard guy to kill. A foreshadow perhaps?

Our questers head out to the prison with a variety of different motives. Quentin has agreed to take the place of the Knight as eternity prison guard in exchange for entrance to the castle. Alice, originally wanting to help the Library siphon the magic for themselves, now wants no one to have magic because to her magic leads to bad times (she's not wrong). Eliot and Margo are not about to have Q go off and be a guard forever and are going with the shoot first ask questions later approach (gotta love em). Julia is absent as she has ascended to full god status and is off drinking tea and wearing a lot of highlighter (relatable). Upon arriving at the castle they discover what the Knight has been guarding is not so much a traditional monster, but rather a strange young man who acts like a child. Unfazed, Eliot shoots him. This seems to have been effective, and no one questions the sudden mysterious disappearance of the Knight.  But before our group can finally unlock the magic fountain and restore power, Alice, hopped up on fairy powder, destroys the keys! After all we have been through this season to collect these goddamn keys, this was a real dick move. While Alice is attempting to escape Margo's righteous shanking, she sees the Knight now seemingly possessed with the golden light that lived in the "monster" Eliot shot. Not good!

Back at the fountain the day is temporarily saved when God!Julia, motivated by her sidekick Quentin's courage, descends and uses her power to create seven NEW keys. If only she had done this from the beginning. But this act apparently robs her of her golden god magic, at least for the time being. The magic fountain spurts back to life, but the victory is short-lived as JAIME RAY NEWMAN and Dean Fogg appear with the Library's siphon. These characters have really been testing me. The Library seizes the means of production, I mean all the magic, thereby granting them total control of magical ability and knowledge. Presumably Dean Fogg aided in their scheme in order to guarantee a magic allowance for Brakebills, but this shows a surprising lack of faith in his own students who not only defeated The Beast, but have performed a number of miraculous feats. He of little faith.

Time cut to the future, while magic is still spotty  the more shocking twist is that our gang has been stripped of their memories and sent off to live among us mere muggles in the real world. Ironically Alice, the one who planned on starting a new life, is the only one who remembers what happened in the castle and is being held captive in the Library. She understands that the monster in the castle was NOT the young man, but rather whatever was inside of him. An unending want or need that appears as pretty gold lights and is now unstoppable.

Normally twists like this where characters lose memory, or their bodies are EXTREMELY stressful for me (the Faith/Buffy swap still causes tension). The idea that things are not as they should be (Dreamland I and II also traumatizing) and the regular flow of events has been thrown out of order is distressing to my order-craving brain. However with The Magicians every weird device is usually enjoyable, and often the weirder the better. Watching a  clearly possessed Eliot psychotically stalking an amnesia-stricken Quentin down the streets of Vancouver gave me a surprising sense of excited glee rather than nervous dread. Whatever happens on The Magicians, no matter how incoherent or strange, at least you know it won’t be boring. What’s more this is a show that will seemingly never settle into complacency, it is a creeping vine 

LINGERING QUESTIONS:

Penny 23 seems to have fully taken over Penny 40's storyline, with even the Unity Key acknowledging the swap. Whatever is going on with Penny 40 in the Library has been kept under wraps, but surely he will have a part to play in helping to free Alice.

Kacey Rohl is also running around wild and free in this timeline with her memories in tact! Possibly a valuable ally for those hoping to save the main crew.

Speaking of returning from the dead, Harriet and Victoria supposedly died when their portal between worlds collapsed, but we didn't see any bodies so I can't help feel like this isn't exactly permanent. 

Now that Margo has had her memory wiped I guess Fen is just continuing to rule Fillory. Is anyone going to tell the Fillorians what's going down? Are they going to receive magic from the Library? Likely no, but they do have a new population of fairies who have their own ungovernable magic- handy!

Also Poppy (aka Felicia Day) is wandering around in our world after skipping out on Quentin and co. Technically she is still a Brakebills student I think!

Now that we know there is a whole world of gods, will we be getting more visits from them? Did Julia totally blow her chances at divinity by making the replacement set of keys?

Thank you for reading along this season! Stay tuned to this blog for new coverage, likely of Westworld. Theories galore.

Love ya, MD

One more Margo gif for the road:

[sitandbreatheitout]

Day 9/40: Politics

Start at Day 1

It may seem strange for the topic of *politics* to feature prominently in the story of my *faith* journey [heads up, there’s still two more posts about it, sprinkled throughout this 40-day series], but it’s not surprising if you came of age within the 90s evangelical subculture. In the world I grew up in, being a good Christian was synonymous with voting Republican. Love of God and love of Country were so thoroughly entwined that at church youth events we pledged allegiance to the American flag AND the Christian flag, both of them standing together on stage. 

Talking about politics requires me to step backwards from where we found ourselves yesterday, on the precipice of my faith deconstruction at age 30. The shifts that I’m going to describe today mostly happened during my mid-twenties. Because of the way evangelicals tie their religious identity to their political identity, my changing views had a deep impact on the rest of the journey, but at the time, they weren’t a deal-breaker for remaining in the evangelical church. 

The view from here is murky when I try to remember where and how I absorbed the political messages I did. I do remember a few sources. Some of the messages were directly expressed from pulpits on Sunday mornings. Some were implied by the dehumanizing language we used when referring to our political opponents. Some were printed in the history books at my Christian school. Some were even dramatized on Adventures in Odyssey, the beloved kids radio show from Focus on the Family.

I was taught that America was a Christian nation, founded by Christians, based on Judeo-Christian values, and that God’s hand of providence was the reason behind our nation’s success. We saw America as a New Israel, God’s most recent chosen people, blessed in order to be a blessing to the world. I was also taught that in modern times there had been an unfortunate rise in secular thinking and a rejection of Biblical values, and that was the cause of all sorts of problems in the world. 

Our job as Christians was to “take back” our culture and country for God. No one was better suited for the role of running the country (and everything else, for that matter) than Christians were, because we had the Holy Spirit guiding us from within. I’m so removed from this belief now that I can’t describe it without it sounding like a caricature or oversimplification, so bear with me, but we were very distrusting of all non-Christians. We believed that since they were being deceived by Satan, nothing truly good could come from them. Even people who claimed to be Christian but didn’t believe in the Bible the same way we did were suspect; “liberal Christian” was an oxymoron in our evangelical world. We believed all the things the Bible had to say about people who lived by the “flesh” instead of by the “Spirit”: that they desired to perform acts of “sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like” (Galatians 5:19-21). Yikes. No wonder we were scared of them. 

So what does voting for the Republican party have to do with all this? How did it become the de facto political party of choice for white American evangelicals? That is a long and surprising-in-places history lesson that’s unfortunately outside the scope of this post [but don’t worry, it WILL come up again in a couple weeks]. Anyway, for our purposes, as it relates to how I experienced politics growing up, there is one very simple answer to those questions: ABORTION. 

We understood abortion to be morally equivalent to murdering breathing babies who’d already been born. It was seen as a horrendously evil act, from the moment of conception on, regardless of the circumstances or effects of said conception. That was that: it was black and white. End of story. Kind of like how the seriousness of our belief in a literal hell overrode all other spiritual concerns, the seriousness of our belief that abortion was literally infanticide overrode all other political concerns. In both cases, the implications of our beliefs were gruesome to imagine. Ending abortion was the rally cry that united us, and at the end of the day (or rather: on Election Day), we were going to vote for the candidate who said they were "pro-life," no matter what. The Republicans reliably fit that designation, so they were our heroes, fighting the good fight against abortion. 

There wasn’t a lot of nuance to my political views growing up. It’s similar to how my own kids are *very* emphatic that they like whoever it is I just told them I’m voting for. It’s because I’m their mom, not because they know anything about the candidate’s platform. Humans are social creatures, and we feel safest when we stay in step with the views of our tribe. The views of my tribe seemed mostly black and white to me, up through high school. Republicans = good, Democrats = bad. Conservatives = good, liberals = bad. Traditional family values = good, feminists and gay people = bad. Ronald Reagan and George Bush = good, Bill and Hillary Clinton = bad. Small government = good, big government = bad. Prayer in public school = good, patriotism = good, abortion = bad, welfare handouts = bad. We justified all of these positions using verses from the Bible, so we felt confident we were voting how God wanted us to vote.  

So off I went to my conservative Christian college. There were several student-led clubs on campus, including a College Republicans group, and while I was a freshman, some students were petitioning to start a College Democrats group. This was shocking to a lot of us sheltered evangelical kids. At the time, I didn’t even know you COULD be a Christian and a Democrat. We debated amongst ourselves: what did it say about someone’s Christian witness if they supported the “godless" platform of the Democratic party? WHAT ABOUT THE BABIES?!

Where it got interesting was that I noticed the ratio of *minority students* was extremely high in the newly-formed College Democrats group. This troubled me, because it made me wonder that I might be missing some important piece of information regarding race and politics. Growing up in very white North Dakota (where there was a grand total of 5 black students attending my whole PreK through Grade 12 Christian school—I just counted in the yearbook), I had been blind to issues surrounding race. I was realizing I had a lot to learn, and that it might be wise to listen to the people whose voices had been overlooked by the dominant culture. 

Another way college influenced my political beliefs was one of my favorite classes: Introduction to Logic, where we learned about reasoning and making good arguments. This wasn’t directly related to any specific political affiliation; rather, critical thinking is essential for evaluating political claims, no matter which side you’re on. I was a happy little nerd when we got to the section on “logical fallacies,” because while their existence was obvious (they frustrated me to no end: hello, debates on the playground), I wasn’t previously aware that anyone had formally studied and *named* them! The class proved that it wasn’t just my imagination; people really were making errors in reasoning ALL THE TIME. 

By the time I graduated from college, I was still very much a Republican, but its link to my Christian identity was weakening. I was better equipped to spot bad arguments going forward, and I was starting to get suspicious of ones I had heard growing up. 

In the lead up to the 2008 election, when I was 25, I read a book called Jesus for President: Politics for Ordinary Radicals. It was one of the most controversial books I’d read to that point, though being published by evangelical Zondervan, it still stayed safely within the Christian bubble. After growing uncomfortable with the religious rhetoric around the War on Terror, I was soothed by the book’s Christian pacifist leanings. I wasn’t sure how realistic nonviolence was, but it seemed exactly like the kind of countercultural thing Jesus would have been into. 

Most importantly, the book revealed a fascinating side of the Bible I’d never been exposed to before. I’d read through the entire Old and New Testaments, memorized whole chapters of it, heck, even graduated with Biblical Studies as my double major, and yet no one had explained in such interesting detail the socio-economic impacts of Old Testament laws and stories and Jesus’s teachings and ministry. Over and over the Bible shows God to be deeply concerned for the poor and vulnerable, and not all that impressed with powerful empires. It looked like evangelicals could come to different conclusions about politics, all while being faithful to the Bible. 

In the end, I honestly can’t remember who I voted for that year, Obama or McCain. Either way, the 2008 election, the first time I'd ever *favorably* considered a Democrat candidate, was a turning point for me. Over the next 4 years, especially as I approached the beginning of my faith deconstruction, my political affiliation would change to Democrat— officially, but mostly privately. This was my first big break outside the beliefs of my Christian bubble, away from the safety of my tribe.

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[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #200 - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: Blu-ray

1) The prologue.

This first scene of the last film does a number of things well. For one, Sméagol suddenly becomes a much more sympathetic and tragic character. We see how happy this creature was before being corrupted by the evil of the ring; before becoming Gollum. And that’s the other thing this scene does well: we understand better than ever how evil the ring is. How quickly it can turn good people bad. This sets the stakes high for the final chapter of the trilogy. Originally meant for The Two Towers, its inclusion in this film works so much better I think. Also it’s worth noting that the transformation from practical Gollum makeup to CG is seamless and visceral.

2) I love how freaking angry Gimli gets upon running into Merry & Pippin alive (after searching so desperately for them in Two Towers) before being tempted by what they’re smoking.

3) It’s worth noting that I HAVE watched the extended editions of all three films and while I usually forget about the scenes added in those versions, Saruman’s death scene (which is cut in this film) is always one I miss. It is a nice note of finality for such a major character in the trilogy.

4) Much as this film really covers Frodo’s eventual corruption by the ring, Aragorn’s journey is also complete. Over the course of the trilogy we see him go from a loner who wants nothing to do with leadership into the king of men. This film is very much about Aragorn accepting that part of himself, becoming the leader he was always meant to be, and we see it in many little ways. He takes a moment for himself to respect those fallen before celebrating a victory, he imparts wisdom onto Gandalf, he earns the trust of Théoden, later honors his promise to the ghost soldiers even though he could’ve used them as a weapon, and leads his army into battle in an effort to give Frodo the time he needs. By the time the credits role Aragorn fully embraces his duty as king and that’s a wonderful transformation to watch.

5) Have I mentioned I low-key ship Sam and Frodo?

Frodo: “I need you on my side.”

Sam: “I’m always on your side, Mr. Frodo.”

6) The last film very much covered Merry’s maturity, becoming invested in the war (which guides his actions in this film as well). In Return of the King we get to see Pippin grow more as a person. We see him go from a someone who doesn’t think before he acts (like when he looks into the orb and risks alerting Sauron about Frodo) to someone with deep sorrow who takes responsibility for his actions (such as when he pledges his allegiance to the Stewart of Gondor because he feels responsible for Boromir’s death). It’s a nice subplot for the film.

7) Can I just say: Théoden can be a real idiot.

Théoden [about Gondor]: “Tell me: why should we ride to the aid of those who did not come to ours?”

Dude, you made SUCH a big deal about not asking for Gondor’s aid in the last movie when you were heavily advised to do just that. And now you’re getting pissy because they didn’t give you something you said you didn’t want?

8) While Sam and Frodo’s kinship is wicked strong, that’s not to undersell how deeply connected Merry and Pippin are. They’re great friends and the sadness of their goodbye as Gandalf takes Pippin to Gondor speaks to that.

9) Okay, can I just say something? There are only three named female characters in these films I can think of who have lines: Arwen, Galadriel, and Éowyn. They’re all awesome, they’re all great. They never EVER interact with each other and while we understand both Arwen and Galadriel are dangerous women it’s only Éowyn who gets to fight in the war. And I get the books were published in the 50s and everything but come on. Some changes to improve on female presence wouldn’t kill the movie.

10)

Arwen [about Aragorn]: “If I leave him now, I will regret it forever.”

And that’s literal, because elves are immortal. I just wanted to point that out.

11) John Noble as Denethor.

While there is initially a bit of sympathy for the stewart of Gondor because he’s mourning his son Boromir, wow is that lost quickly. I am rooting for this guy to die harder than I am any other character in this series because he is such a raging asshole. I think he’s supposed to be and John Noble plays him in a very interesting way. Much like Imelda Staunton was great at making us hate Doloris Umbridge in Harry Potter, John Noble is great at making Denethor a selfish, arrogant, cruel bastard who I just want to punch in his fucking permanent scowl of a face. HE FUCKING ADMITS THAT HE WISHES FARAMIR WERE DEAD INSTEAD OF BOROMIR! I just…yeah, I’m glad when this jackass dies.

12) The Dead City always reminded me a little of the Emerald City from The Wizard of Oz. Or is that just me?

13) I apologize for this in advance.

Frodo [when he feels the Witch King near, who stabbed him in Fellowship]: “I can feel his blade.”

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

14) At first I questioned the need to include Faramir’s skirmish with the orcs, but for one thing it shows the continued darkness which spreads across Middle Earth as well as the scale of this war. Not to mention it feeds directly into a conflict between Faramir and his jackass dad.

15) I love Éowyn, which I said as much in the last recap. But in this film she is just so freaking ready to fight for those she loves, to stand up against evil even though the sexism of Middle Earth tries to keep her off the battlefield. But she doesn’t and we get the best moment in the whole trilogy. More on that later.

16) When I was younger I never really understood why Frodo believes Sam actually stole the bread, why he sends Sam away. But now I get just how great a manipulator Gollum is and how dark the ring can be on Frodo’s soul. Gollum knows EXACTLY what the ring is doing to him, the little things it whispers to him, the greed and mistrust which is taking him. He knows because he spent (I think) five hundred years under that very same influence. He knows what Frodo is going through better than anyone which he manipulates to his advantage.

17) Sean Astin just freaking shines with his breakdown after Frodo sends him away breaks up with him (you know, after refusing to give Sam a ring). He’s come so far, sacrificing his very life, to make sure Mr. Frodo stays safe and trying to make sure the ring doesn’t take him. And he’s ALWAYS on Frodo’s side, he always trusts Frodo. But Frodo can’t do the same thing for Sam. In fact, he does the complete opposite and distrusts him so deeply he tries to get rid of him. And it’s based on NOTHING, just the manipulations of a fiend and the darkness of the ring. Astin i just so great and conveying how heavy this is on Sam, I love it.

18) Ah, the song.

First of all, Billy Boyd’s vocals are just absolutely amazing here. They infuse the song with such grand heartache which helps it set the tone for Faramir’s attack on the orc troops. This isn’t a grand action scene, this isn’t a heroic triumph, this is a heartbreaking suicide mission made because of a son wanting to earn the love of his soulless father. And that’s why the song works as well as it does. It sets a beautiful tone.

19) Honestly, a few of these notes are just going to be me acknowledging awesome Éowyn is.

Éowyn [after some troops laugh at Merry for wanting to fight]: “Why can he not fight for those he loves?”

20) The scene where Aragorn takes the sword from Elrond is a great moment. The music, Aragorn’s demeanor, the subtleties of the cinematography, the visual of Aragorn taking the sword, it all just makes it feel like a real hero’s moment.

21) While the extended edition of this film may have some more Legolas & Gimli moments (there’s this wonderful drinking competition they get into), the bromance of the entire trio is still something I love.

Gimli [after Aragorn tries going into the dead mountain alone]: “You might as well accept it: we’re going with you, laddie.”

22) Merry is told he can’t go into battle by Théoden, that no one will carry him on their horse. Meanwhile Éowyn - who was basically told to stay at home and look after things while the men fight - says, “Screw that,” and takes Merry into battle herself. I LOVE ÉOWYN!

23) The scene with the ghosts and the dead mountain is truly eerie. Peter Jackson’s roots as a horror director really shine through in this wonderfully creepy scene and place. It’s just chilling.

24) In the long running list of why Denethor is a piece of shit: he is so freaking eager for Faramir to be dead and to have some man pain he doesn’t even check his pulse! Then he bitches about not getting help from Rohan which HE DIDN’T EVEN WANT and then gives up. Thank god for Gandalf.

25) The initial battle of Gondor has a nice sense of scale and stakes to it, especially when we see it through the eyes of Pippin. There’s this constant sense of dread and hardship which builds tension nicely.

26) I’m not talking about the spider scene because I always hide behind my hands when that scene is going on. I fucking hate spiders, guys. I hate them. It’s a miracle I didn’t just straight up fast forward past all the spider stuff. AND IT JUST KEEPS COMING BACK! You think the spider is gone but then no, it comes back for one last attack! ENOUGH WITH THE SPIDER ALREADY!

27) Gollum is totally done with the manipulation, the tricks, all of it. As soon as Frodo reveals his intention is to destroy the ring, he loses it and just is going to solve his problem with brute force. This doesn’t really work for him though.

28) Awww, Sam comes back to rescue his boyfriend only to think he’s dead.

Sam: “Don’t leave me here alone. Don’t go where I can’t follow.”

29) A coincidence to get the character in trouble helps move the plot along. Such as when the orcs show up RIGHT AFTER Frodo gets paralyzed so they can easily capture him.

30) Through a strong sense of visuals there is a nice feeling of hope when Rohan shows up to participate in the battle of Gondor. The build up to that and the fact we see it via Merry and Éowyn works REALLY well because they - like the audience - are both new to this.

31) I always liked that Gandalf is willing to leave the main battle to save Faramir, because isn’t that what this is all about? Saving as much life as we can.

32) There are few film deaths which are quite as satisfying to me as Denethor’s death. I won’t include it hear but those who have seen the movie know exactly what happens. Know if you seek it out it does involve fire (so if that triggers you maybe best to stay away).

33) Once the freaking elephants show up to battle you KNOW this shit is epic. One thing this film does best out of all three is its battle sequences are amazing. They may be long, but they are choreographed interestingly and use a strong sense of action = reaction to them. They’re epic and totally amazing.

34) I do have a bit of a fear of death, so Gandalf’s words to Merry always bring me calm.

Gandalf [after Merry says he can’t believe it’s going to end like this]: “End? No, the journey doesn’t end here. Death is just another path we must all take.”

35) THE BEST FREAKING MOMENT IN THE ENTIRE FREAKING TRILOGY! If you only watch one moment from The Lord of the Rings, make sure you watch this one. This is all you need to see. This is beautiful and I love it and it’s awesome. Watch it! Watch it now!

FUCKING ÉOWYN VERSUS THE FUCKING WITCH KING! YES! You can see she’s TOTALLY scared but that doesn’t matter at all. She works through the fear, she fights this mythical creature who is supposedly un-killable AND SHE FUCKING KILLS HIM! It’s either him or her uncle and damn it’s sure as hell not going to be her uncle! It is glorious. I cheer every time. I love it. Best moment in the trilogy. No contest. Done.

36) There is this tone shift in the battle of Gondor once Legolas and Gimli start their contest.

Gimli: “There’s plenty [of the enemy] for the both of us, may the best dwarf win.”

They bring out an intense amount of fun to the battle which just has you cheering them on. Cheering on the victory! I mean, LEGOLAS TAKES DOWN A FREAKING ELEPHANT!

Gimli: “THAT STILL COUNTS AS ONE!”

I love it.

37) Again, I apologize for this in advance.

Orc [about to kill Frodo]: “I’m going to stick you like a stuffed pig.”

Sam [killing the orc]: “Not if I stick you first.”

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

38) It is always important that characters not be passive. Them making a choice is interesting. So even when Frodo is at a point where he can easily STOP carrying the ring and let Sam carry it, but he CHOSES not to, that’s interesting. It speaks to his character.

Frodo: “You must understand: the ring is my burden.”

39) This is one of my favorite things to hit the internet in 2012. It’s so random and weird I love it.

40) The moment when Aragorn really becomes the king of men is when he rallies his troops to fight against Sauron. He takes his role as leader seriously and he’s damn good at it.

Aragorn: “I see in your eyes the same fear which would take the heart in me!”

He relates to them, he lets them know he’s afraid, but his bravery inspires bravery in others. That’s what a good leader does. They speak of hope and unity against hatred, they don’t encourage it. They don’t divide people, they bring them together.

41) Have I mentioned I love Legolas and Gimli’s bromance?

Gimli: “Who thought I’d die fighting side by side with an elf?”

Legolas: “How about side by side with a friend?”

Gimli: “Aye. I can do that.”

42) Frodo is literally pushed past his physical limits, unable to climb any further up Mount Doom to destroy the ring. But he HAS to. That’s high stakes. Forgoing physical needs for the goal is the highest stakes imaginable. And also: HELL YEAH, SAMWISE GAMGEE!

Sam: “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!”

43) Can I just say: I will never truly wrap my mind around the super convenient giant eagles which show up at the last minute. Like, maybe there’s an explanation for this in the books, but wouldn’t the eagles have helped out A LOT MORE before this final battle? I mean really. What’s with this Deus Ex Machina stuff?

44) The scene where Frodo decides to keep the ring visually matches the one where Isildur did the same thing in Fellowship, meaning the seeds for this were planted in the trilogy from film one. It’s smart planning and helps make the choice all the stronger. We’ve seen the consequences of this action once, but again? Oh man, that could be disastrous.

45) You can really see the influence the ring had on Frodo when this is the first thing he says after it’s destroyed.

Frodo: “I can see the shire.”

Frodo talked about how he couldn’t remember it before, while he was carrying the ring. But now it’s gone and he can. I love that.

46) One of my favorite moments in the series is when Frodo wakes up in Rivendale with Gandalf standing at his bead. Remember, Frodo thinks Gandalf is DEAD from the first film. So not only is there the joy at his own survival but that of his friend too. And you can see it on Elijah Wood’s face.

47) This film has A LOT of endings. Like, it takes 20 minutes to end. But I like each and every one. Firstly, this massive respect the hobbits are paid.

Aragorn [king of men, to the hobbits]: “My friends. You bow to no one.”

[Aragorn bows, then so does literally EVERYONE else]

48) The Shire still brings about the same sense of peace it did in Fellowship. You know you’re really out of danger when you are in that place. The tension defuses and it feels like…home. It’s worth noting that the hobbits at first have nothing to talk about while at the bar. They just sit there in silence because…what is there to say?

49) The final goodbye.

I may not be the best to pick up on subtext, but even I get that this boat into the West is meant to represent the afterlife. That Bilbo, Gandalf, and Frodo are all going into the afterlife (even though I always forget that Gandalf leaves). This is honestly not only the most fitting ending to the story, but for Frodo’s character as a whole. There’s no way Frodo could’ve just gone home after all that evil. He couldn’t have just returned to normalcy. He’s changed too much, so he has to move on. But just because Frodo’s gone, doesn’t mean life moves on. And I think that’s one of the greatest messages this film has: even in the face of great loss, life moves on. And there is always ALWAYS hope.

50) And I think instead of analyzing the song “Into the West” I’ll just leave you all with a link to listen to it because it’s a wonderful piece.

The Return of the King is everything fans loved about the first two Lord of the Rings films dialed up all the way. The stakes are at their highest, the battles are at their most epic, the performances are incredible, and the characters finally reach the end of the journey they started at the beginning of this film. Winning Best Picture at the Oscars the year it was nominated, this film definitely deserves it and is worth the watch (even if it is a long watch).

[theearthsheep-blog]

and i’m feeling in a particularly venty mood right now so fuck all y’all we’re getting politlcal

and no fuck you i’m not putting this under a read more. if you follow me i want you to read this.

a) first of all yeah i don’t really get political on this here website very often and that’s not because i don’t have political opinions or because i’m worried that they’ll be unpopular, i expect most of my followers and i agree on pretty much everything. the reason i don’t post politics is mostly because they make me anxious and i’m on this website in my spare time when i don’t want to deal with it. with that in my mind, fuck the mentality of “everyone who doesn’t reblog this is a fascist”. first of all it’s very “with us or against us” and i understand where you’re coming from but there are plenty of valid reasons to not want to reblog that kind of stuff. i’m going to call out a specific post here just because it’s the one i remember and i want to give an example, but there wasn’t anything particularly egregious about it. it was a post supporting jews, i forget the exact wording but it was something simple like “this blog supports jews” and someone added on to it with something in the vein of “i’m watching those of my mutuals who aren’t reblogging this very carefully” and like... that made me feel really shitty because that’s not the kind of thing i like to post but here was this post telling me in no uncertain terms that i’m an affront to the jewish community if i don’t constantly tell everyone i’m not.

and i know there are plenty of people out there who would read this and their first thought is “oh sheep is just closet anti-semitic”. like, seriously, reconsider your worldview if that’s how you’re thinking right now. you can’t be this black-and-white.

and, like, look, i get it. i’m trans. i know what it’s like to know that a big portion of the world is literally out to get you, literally hates your actual existence. i know what it’s like to watch those around you like a hawk for any warning signs of being the kind of person it’s very unsafe to honestly introduce yourself to. i get it! but i can’t just assume that anyone who i follow who doesn’t post support for trans people on like, a monthly basis? is transphobic. and honestly i couldn’t really even assume that anyone who DOES post support ISN’T. it helps certainly but at the end of the day that’s just words. this may surprise you but people can just say words and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. like you know how you were in elementary school and they made you say the pledge of allegiance? and after like two times it stopped meaning anything to you, and you were too young to understand it when you learned it anyway? don’t make everyone say the pledge of allegiance on their tumblr every morning, regardless of what allegiance it is you want them to pledge.

and to set the record straight, of course i support jews. anti-semiticism is disgusting. at the same time, (and this is getting into the shitty “who has it the worst” arguments that i hate) i think jews probably aren’t priority 1 right now. i’ve seen some buzz about a sudden upsurge in anti-semitic actions over the past few months (since trump got elected) and no statistics i’ve seen have actually supported that. it looks like it’s been a steady growth for several years now and like that’s worrying enough on its own but trump has already taken direct action against both muslims and latins and i feel like those are the people who need the most support right now. and honestly? i genuinely believe that trump isn’t anti-semitic, though particular members of his administration certainly are.

anyway.

that isn’t even what i wanted to talk about.

b) and this is what i’m here for, really. come on guys, you really need to fact check some of this shit. i’m not playing around here, if you think “spreading the word” or “keeping people informed” has any value at all then you NEED to curate the content on your blog. i’ve seen tons of posts that i’m sure mean well but are exaggerated or downright wrong. this plays directly into trump’s hands. especially right now, his message is that the “media elite” are conspiring against him and making shit up. this does not seem to be true in any meaningful sense, but every time some news organization uses some hyperbole to grab clicks and then every other outlet takes even the original CLICKBAIT out of context, misinformation flies quick. and it lends credence to trump’s “fake news” message.

right now, the story is the 100,000 national guard trump is secretly plotting to deploy to support ICE in removing illegal immigrants from border states (and a few that are adjacent). so where did this story come from?

the associated press claims that they have a leaked white house document that describes an executive order trump may give which will allow the deployment of the national guard of same states to support efforts to deport immigrants. this is worrying enough! this is bad!

however, the AP doesn’t just announce that. that doesn’t fit easily into a tweet and it doesn’t bait clicks. instead they say, and this is the exact quote: “BREAKING: Trump administration considers mobilizing as many as 100,000 National Guard troops to round up unauthorized immigrants.”

the 100,000 number is nowhere, even in the document the AP says they have. - oh and just as a sidenote i’m going to keep saying the AP “says” they have a document. for what it’s worth i do believe that they genuinely got it from a white house employee, but i’m just trying to be clear here that it’s just them saying that, there’s no evidence for it either way. for what it’s worth, the white house denies the validity of the leak.

anyway. the 100,000 number actually seems to be in the neighborhood of the sum number of national guard in the states in question. in fairness to the AP, they did say “up to”, so i guess they’re covered (in that 0 is “up to” 100,000), BUT a significant fraction of the national guard are already deployed on various tasks, so it’s literally incorrect to say that anyone is considering deploying the full 100,000. plus, trump couldn’t mobilize these people even if he wanted to. the national guard for each state answer to the governor of that state. each of the fourteen governors have the final say on whether, and how many, of the national guard would be called into service.

okay, so, we have the Associated Press telling an exaggerated BUT still basically true tale. but because it was exaggerated, the exaggeration is what people will remember. in this case, it’s the number 100,000. i’ve said it enough times in this post, even if you only read this, it’s probably the first thing you’d remember about the story.

so what happens if or when this executive order actually gets signed? in a few weeks the news story comes out and says “5,000 national guard deployed to support ICE across fourteen states” and, “wow, look, that’s WAY less than those alarmist liberals told me there would be! see? everything’s fine!” so trump gets to say “the news media spun everything way out of proportion; the liberals worked themselves into a froth; and the world didn’t end”. and at the same time he literally used the military to fulfill a civic goal, which is about as big of a warning sign for fascism as i can imagine.

it is entirely possible that the white house is intentionally leaking documents that they know the news will whip into a frenzy over, just so that when the truth is less bad, people will think that it’s okay. this is trump’s path to victory, and if so it’s working alarmingly well. this is why you need to be careful. your voice matters and is valuable, don’t misuse it.

3) one last thing, john mccain just spoke at the Munich Security Conference, and his speech was decidedly anti-trump. mccain has been a critic of trump pretty much as long as trump has been a politician, and now he’s making some very, very valuable points. he may be trying to garner support in the republican party for a sort of “anti tea party” movement back to moderation, probably partly as an attempt to save the party from getting swept in the next few election cycles, and partly because john mccain isn’t absolutely fucking insane.

this is the kind of thing to watch out for, and support. even if john mccain isn’t a perfect person and he’s not my first pick for the oval office, he’s better than trump. i know that’s a low bar, but that’s what we’re reduced to. if such a movement among republicans were to occur i would happily volunteer for their campaigns if i thought they had a better chance than a more leftist candidate, and someone needed to keep actual fascists out of congress.

anyway that’s all largely speculative and not really what i wanted to talk about. 

here’s a selection from his speech, sourced from the Washington Post:

[The founders of the Munich Conference] would be alarmed by the hardening resentment we see towards immigrants and refugees and minority groups -- especially Muslims. [...] They would be alarmed that more and more of our fellow citizens seem to be flirting with authoritarianism and romanticizing it as our moral equivalent. [...] I refuse to accept that our values are morally equivalent to those of our adversaries. I am a proud, unapologetic believer in the West, and I believe we must always, always stand up for it. For if we do not, who will?

now i know that it’s popular around here to hate on america. yes, we’ve been involved in some shit in the middle east and elsewhere. yes, there are tons of stains on our history of civil rights. yes, our treatment of american indians has historically been abhorrent and isn’t getting much better.

We are not as bad as Russia. We are not as bad as China. We are not as bad as North Korea. We are not as bad as ISIS.

the United States, and the rest of NATO, have the unique power to act almost unilaterally to promote western values around the world. and when i say “western values”, i don’t want anyone reading this to fucking scoff. i’m talking about freedom of speech, of the press, of religion, of assembly. i’m talking about the belief that a liberal education can make you a better human. i’m talking about the belief that people are inherently valuable. these should be a given but they are NOT.

yes. i know. the united states is not perfect, even in granting those things above to its own citizens. but it TRIES. it doesn’t fucking assassinate journalists. it doesn’t have its secret police raid meetings of non-state-sanctioned political parties. these are REAL THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO REAL PEOPLE AND IT IS OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO CARE AND TO FIGHT FOR THEM.

the united states pulling out of NATO, or of just being too isolationist to do anything about these very real threats to very real people, is i think the most plausible worst case scenario from a trump presidency. and i am SO willing to fight for moderate republicans who agree with that. people like john mccain.

like, you can probably tell i’m getting kind of emotional over here but i literally want to kiss john mccain right now.

what has 2017 done to me

[olaluwe]

Seun Onigbinde [photo credit] Daily Post

In less than four months or thereabout into the second term of the Buhari administration, nemesis in a way has caught up with two of his proven critics in a manner, arguably, never before seen in the political history of the country.  

I say this, reasons being that, I’ve been around for some time now and I don’t think I’ve heard or seen similar scenario ever played out in Nigeria where politically active personalities would be barred from joining, in whatever capacity, a government of which they once hold critical opinions.

I might be wrong as I don’t have a monopoly of knowledge. As such anybody with a superior experience is free to correct me.

And the executor of the judgment on the two was none other than the Buhari Media Organization and by extension his die-hard fans.

The undoing of the two, like I hinted above, was after all the while of throwing invectives at the person of President Buhari and his government they suddenly make a U-turn by accepting an offer to serve in the same government.

The first casualty of the Buhari Media Organization’s intolerable stance for anybody who looked double-faced a personality was Festus Adedayo.

Festus is a brilliant writer and critic who has not spared the Buhari administration with the vitriol of criticisms ceaselessly flowing from his pen.

He has a well-referenced stockpile of unkind words for the president and his men in his locker-room as an opinionated writer.

It is fair enough, you might say. After all, being a Nigerian and a writer, he is such a critical stakeholder in the country’s democratic project that’s duty-bound to breathe his perceptions on the state of the nation.

He is also eminently qualified to hold the government accountable as far as governance is concerned.

But more often than not, his written pieces are borne out of bad faith, personal aggrandizement or a calculated but hidden lure of lucre through self-promotion unto the government consciousness by way of launching scathing attacks on it which all played out not too long afterward.

All seem to be going well for him as an independent critic until he veered off the track in a manner of speaking by accepting the appointment as the chief media aide to the current Senate President Ahmed Lawan.

The Buhari Media Organization, as well as his supporters, would have none of it. And their response was tidal enough to cause a significant shift in official quarters.

Adedayo was not only severely criticized by the group for accepting an appointment from a government he sees nothing good in, his innocent benefactor; Ahmed Lawan was likewise hounded through a frenzied social media campaign into terminating the said appointment.

That settled the score with critic Festus whose only rebuttal was his vehemence resolve to continue criticizing the government where and when it appears it’s not doing well as it concerns good governance no matter whose Ox is gored.

I personally wish him well at such a laudable endeavor from which I also advise that he should never deviate.

But if feelers from his antecedence are anything to go by, that’s left to be seen because I’ve it on good authority that he was once a media aide to one of the governors in the south-south region of the country. 

This makes it a forgone conclusion that he would always be on the look-out for similar openings by whatever means suitable including demonizing his targets.  

This time around the victim, literally speaking, is Seun Onigbinde.

Before his appointment gone awry as the Technical Adviser to the Minister of State for Budget and National Planning, Clem Agba, he was the co-founder of a certain IT company named BudgIT which specializes in fiscal transparency.  

Like Festus, Seun has been a long-standing caustic denigrator of the government of the day, and indeed of the president.

He had at some points in the past described the president in the lowliest of language imaginable. Summarily, the president to him is 'incompetent, dictatorial and perpetuating illegalities' in one of his rabid jibes.

And those men and women of goodwill and genuine interest of the country at heart which includes my humble self who support the president he had also uncharitably characterized as 'ethnic jingoists'.

It is a thing of interest that long before now the route of criticizing a government of the day at every opportunity has been traveled by many with clearly the singular motive of getting noticed and followed by an appointment.

And many indeed were later appointed into the same government they had harangued at every turn even needlessly for the reason of not appreciating its limitations as a bunch of elective and appointive persons seeking the good of the country in their various capacities.

What usually happened next is they were not only quieted but would go on to singing a new song of praise of the government in which a while ago they see nothing good to write home about. Isn’t that hypocritical? Yes, it is. The reality that had stared us in the face-up until now is that they always get away with it.

With the few examples so far seen, it seems that is not working with this government because its supporters are strict, conscious and are well-armed to take on individuals who might want to access the government on the back of being self-entitled critics of its programs and policies.

And I think it is a good one. People, by whatever names they go – critic, opponents, name it should not be allowed to eat their cake and still have it. You cannot describe something or someone in the most odious terms and still want to co-travel with it. It shows in practical terms a total lack of honour, decency, morality, and integrity.

If the critics truly believed in the ideas and ideologies they are espousing which indeed most of the time are at variance with the government one should expect that they find an alternative home in the wide skies of our political climate to push them rather than seeking to sneak themselves into the same government at nightfall thinking people will just look the other way.

To me, it is nothing short of an act of moral instability or bankruptcy if you like which has long been condoned in the political landscape of the country.

It is even quite different from when politicians switched allegiance from one political party to the other no matter how ridiculous the stated reasons are.

In their case, they constitute themselves into arm-chair critics and are from their cozy inner-rooms slashing at the heart, body and soul of a government only to emerge as beneficiaries of such dirty antics while the real party men get soiled from head to toe in the murky trenches of Nigerian electioneering campaign. 

Without mincing word, Seun Onigbinde is a social and intellectual scoundrel who seeks to profit by a calculated subterfuge. He is a horrible wretch hoping he would not be uncovered.

And his types should be restrained or resisted if you like by every means possible from having their ways in our society just as the Buhari Media Organization has done.

It is not about clamping down on the rights of Nigerians to keep an open mind and freely expressing their views and opinions on issues of national importance like some people are saying.

It is about the critics themselves not condescending into the domain of imbalanced and hysterical commentaries and analyses of national developmental issues for selfish gains which is what the likes of Seun and Festus has been doing when they have the platform to constructively engage the government.

                                                             Instead, all they spend their day doing was shading the government without proffering solutions. And they still have the effrontery to step forward to accept an appointment from the same government.

Whereas if they have shame, they would never have even secretly desire to serve in a government they both had at one time or the other called illegality among other unprintable words while deliberately overlooking the fact that it is a democratically elected government we are talking about here.

And for going as far as deleting his Twitter account so that his ridiculous and denigrating posts against the President Buhari administration would not be recalled, Seun has shown himself to be a tendentious opportunist - a scam artist to the core.

And that's mostly regrettable because it is coming from a young Nigerian whom we all have been vigorously campaigning for to be given a chance in a leadership position in the country.

I think more searchlight should be beamed on him lest we have another Obiwanne on our hand pretty soon.

Now if we think the political class is the worst set of people in the country, I think more than ever before, we should begin to have a serious rethink.

I believe like the Buhari Media Organization said that there are countless supporters of the President who have more powerful backgrounds and records, who are better qualified, and who would offer better professional and intellectual support to the attainment of the President’s ideas and goals, which they believe in – which Seun, from his posturing, has said he does not.

More so, I also think it is high time conscious efforts should always be made by public office holders to recruit only people whose political positions aligned with theirs into appointments to avert a similar occurrence in the future.

This is because we have had enough of people of imbalanced and unstable morality trying to reap roses where they had sowed thorns.

It is the most unimaginable evil. And it should never be allowed to stand.

I pledge my availability and support to fight the scourge of moral instability wherever it rears its ugly head because it is not good for the progress of this country.

And for those who think he (Seun) shouldn't have resigned from the post, and that he should have come prepared for the criticisms that was bound to follow his appointment knowing fully well his own antecedent as a critic of the government, they are not only being dishonest with themselves they are equally promoting the cause of travesty of decency, honour, integrity and above all moral stability.

Finally, I for one strongly believe there should be a clear demarcation of political ideologies in operation in Nigeria; instead of the current ideological fluidity in the system which is leading us to where.

No wonder Nigerian politicians’ cross-carpet at will from one political party to the other simply for a lack of political ideology. What we have today is more of politics of interest, of jobbers, of butchers and not politics of pan-national development driven by ideologies.

[aawarning-blog]

New Post has been published on AAW

New Post has been published on http://www.anamericanwarning.com/2017/09/nfl-players-take-knee-check-first/

NFL Players Take A Knee - Why You Should Check Yourself First

I have been fairly silent on this because I don’t have very nice things to say on it either way. However, as I see more and more posts, I see more and more inconsistency. I was recently involved in several debates over this NFL Flag Kneeling situation and I wanted to share a few thoughts on this because if anything points out the lack of political inconsistency in this nation, this issue is surely it. I can almost bet that neither side of the political spectrum will like this post, but it needs to be said all the same because I would also bet that neither side has given it much thought. To be clear, both the players and the fans are out of control on this one.

First, let us remind ourselves that players didn’t consistently come out for the anthem until about 2009. This is because they were in the locker room getting yelled at by the coaches about how they their jobs were on the line if they didn’t perform out on the field. This is good time to remind everyone that these guys play a game. They are not political leaders so please… take their opinions with a grain of salt. Furthermore, there are no NFL rules demanding that players are present or that they stand, but that is entirely irrelevant and it is a crazy thing to even try to debate at this point. This is because there are already rules in place.

Yes… there are rules for flag etiquette and they apply to ALL citizens. Of course, nobody really cares about that these days. Let me start with something simple. According to the flag codes, the flag should never be used for any advertising purpose. This is broken all the time and nobody says a word. The flag should also not be embroidered, printed or otherwise impressed on such articles as cushions, handkerchiefs, napkins, boxes, or anything intended to be discarded after temporary use. This is broken all the time as well and exactly how many protests have seen over these repeated violation? NONE! This is because the people that are complaining about the kneeling are the ones who often violate these rules because they love American so much that the flag simply has to be on everything. So be aware of this before you start casting stones over flag etiquette.

Still, I understand why people are upset at the players. Proper etiquette suggests that we:

Stand for the anthem and remove our sunglasses and hats

Place your right hand over your heart or place your hat over your heart until after the last note (unless you are current military – then you give a salute)

Look at the flag throughout the anthem (if one is present) or the performer if a flag is not visible

Remain quiet

Don’t eat or drink during the song

Sing along if you want

And don’t applaud when it’s over

None of these are difficult to do and it isn’t new information, but try to imagine how many of these are broken on a weekly basis by fans both in the stands and in their homes. I would venture to say almost all of them. Understand that the rules don’t say anything about the privacy of your home being immune to these rules. Are you taking your hat off and standing in your living room when you’re by yourself?

Some have noticed these inconsistencies and pointed out the hypocrisy. Guess what? They are right to do it. Still, we all have the right to peacefully protest whatever we want because this is a free country. This means you can kneel if you want and this means that you are free to stop watching games if you want. Just keep in mind that the vast majority are running the risk of coming across as immature and politically inconsistent if they do either at this point.

In spite of the back and forth, I think it’s also important to note that the protests continue on both sides and that nobody is being oppressed into stopping them. Yes, some of the owners are threatening to fire players but this is no different than if you worked at a bank and decided to use the front lobby as your platform; you run the risk of getting fired when acting out like that. The business has customers to appease and you acting out will likely chase some customers away. You still have the freedom to say what you want and you won’t go to jail for it, but that doesn’t mean your actions are without consequence when you are being paid by someone else for your time.

The players are not the only ones protesting though. I think people that disagree with the player’s position are peacefully protesting by voicing their disagreement, burning jerseys or boycotting the games. If the players or teams don’t mind losing money from those they are pissing off, that’s on them but the fans have the right and freedom to disagree. They shouldn’t necessarily be ridiculed for their protest any more than those taking a knee. And guess what? Nobody on either side needs to die a horrible death for their actions. One side doesn’t get the monopoly on protest and it’s quite hypocritical to suggest that they do. However, the protests on both sides seem silly when you really think about it.

The players are protesting the deaths of young black men by police officers – or so we are told. Maybe they really are but according to the Washington Post, in July of 2016, 1,502 people had been shot and killed by on-duty police officers since Jan. 1, 2015. Of them, 732 were white, and 381 were black. Seems like there is something to unite about because it seems everyone is affected. Or how about this? Why are more people not concerned about the fact that roughly three officers are arrested every day for various crimes and that 40% of crimes committed by cops happen on duty? Seems like something to unite about there as well. If you are one to turn this into a racial thing, then why are more people not concerned about the fact that 93 percent of black homicide victims are killed by other blacks or that 84 percent of white homicide victims are killed by other whites? It’s as though we have lost our collective minds.

But here is my biggest problem with all of this; the flag and/or the anthem do not represent cops and cops do not represent the flag or the anthem. Ironically, most people on either side do not know the documents these things actually represent or the irony of associating one with the other. Furthermore, most officers, soldiers and citizens couldn’t recite Article 4 Section 4 of the Constitution without having to look it up and nobody questions how or why we all pledge allegiance, take an oath, love or even hate something we simply do not know. If you don’t like cops acting in tyrannical ways, perhaps you should have a better handle on the laws that restrict them and that render the supposed laws they are enforcing null and void and then work to get rid of those laws. Just a thought.

Here is the deal though. We all have something to be very angry about and those reasons have nothing to do with heritage, cops, color, political lean, statues, bathrooms, sexual orientation or anything else that is being shoved down our throats as of late. What about our economic state? What about the value of your currency? What about taxation? What about the NSA? What about the IRS? What about our corrupt politicians? What about the erosions of our rights? What about the fact that we call ourselves a free country but we have more laws than we can count and incarcerate more people than any other nation for violations of law that are literally repugnant to the Constitution? Which by the way… this is not the fault of law enforcement; this is the fault of YOU demanding something from your government. This is similar to the fact that most of this is NOT the fault of any president in our lifetime and of which all could be easily corrected by the Congress YOU elect – if you could only come together?

I think the biggest problem we face today is a lack of political and ideological consistency. I blame a lot of this on government run education but still. I find it odd that most pick sides of a situation based on what their opponents believe instead of what is right or even accurate. There also seems to be a lack of research from all and this is true on almost all political hot points (immigration, slavery, Native Americans, Civil War, constitution, police shootings, race, etc). Instead of trying to find a reason to oppose one another, I think we should be attempting to foster a culture of enlightenment. If we want to survive as a nation, we need to stop buying into this whole divide and conquer plan which is working out so well those in power.

Look, if a Democrat wants to take a knee during a song that was written by a Democrat and made the national anthem by a Democrat, it doesn’t automatically make him or her a bad person any more than if a Republican wants to boycott a player for kneeling during the anthem while wiping their face with an American flag napkin and ignoring the news about the player doing drugs, assaulting women and murdering innocent people prior. Additionally, if the NFL wants to support the player’s freedom of expression but fine them when they do a little dance after scoring a touchdown, whatever. The whole thing is crazy anyway. This doesn’t make anyone “bad”. What it does is demonstrate a high degree of inconsistency, ignorance or confusion by all.

You see, I don’t disagree with the player’s reasons for kneeling entirely but if the players want to the follow the example of a sub-par player in his hypocritical statement saying he wants ‘freedom for all people’ while wearing a Fidel Castro t-shirt and talking about oppression by white people having grown up in an upper middle class white household, let them. There is a reason why jocks have a certain stereotype when it comes to their intellect and there is a reason why I don’t turn to them for my political research or opinion. I honestly feel sorry for anyone that does.

Of course, I don’t disagree with those who oppose kneeling during the anthem entirely either, but if people are going to complain and spew hatred for those players while continually breaking every other part of the flag code and demanding the restriction of rights because they don’t understand that the country they live in is NOT a Christian nation, that it is NOT a democracy and that the Constitution was actually put in place to protect those that THEY disagree with, then let them. There is reason why the left views them as a bunch of ignorant rednecks and this is a big reason why I don’t register with any particular party.

I’m a constitutionalist. You all have the right to be as inconsistent as you want and protest accordingly. Of course I believe police and government in general are out of control but I also believe the people are ignorant of their responsibilities to correct it as well. I think left-leaning revisionist history has done more harm than good but I also think that ignorance on both sides has led to protesting the effect, not the cause. Unfortunately, until people are ready to see certain truths, they will not understand the cause and this is going to get worse… not better. Ignorance is NOT bliss… it’s dangerous.

Of course, quite a few who read this will not agree anyway because it opposes what they have already sold themselves on the topic. Regardless, the facts remain and cherry picking your protest from incomplete information or inconsistent premises is not going to solve anything. Continue your protests either way. I’ll support your right to do it while I shake my head in response to your ignorance and inconsistencies.

That being said… if you’re interested in learning some of the historical truths that you were not given in high school, I would encourage you get a copy of RELOADED: An American Warning and Destroying the Narrative: Looking into the Gray. And for the love whatever you hold dear… stop being so quick follow a trend. Try something different… think for yourself!

[kelsvision-blog]

Fear and God

I attended my first campus ministry service last night. The worship portion was incredible, and most of the Sermon was great too, until the pastor said what I quoted below. I immediately looked inward and began asking the Holy Spirit to interpret the situation for me, and found quickly that his words, unbeknownst to him, were a reflection of the egoic inadequacies I see in myself. A projection of the split mind. Ironically and paradoxically, my ego became enraged. It wanted me to laugh at him, to shout things to make him feel invalid, to make him wrong. But because I chose to host a conversation with J instead, I was able to see what he was saying for what it was truthfully and not confuse it with the part of him that shares the light of God with me. It was not easy to quiet my ego-mind and I had to constantly and vigilantly choose against it for the rest of the night, until this morning when I calmly received some wisdom and explanation from J on how this thought system came to be. It’s reflective of what I have read in A Course in Miracles, Disappearance of the Universe, and The Power of Now. Yet, some of what my inner response was from my whole mind was just simply of J to me. Any sarcasm used it simply to make a point/contrast more clear, not to put unnecessary judgement on the idea. This is how it went down:

“Surrender to Jesus and fear of God is the only way… there’s a storm coming, and it’s going to be really bad if you don’t choose right. There is the only religion, and all the others.” -Let’s call him Pastor Joe

What this would mean is, there is one singular path to heaven and if you don’t follow it you will feel the wrath of God.

There’s a major fallacy in this idea- what about the people in the world who will never be exposed to this specific belief or “way” or “path?” Are they damned to hell for their ignorance? Or is this path you speak of only for those privileged enough to be 1) literate or 2) in a developed enough country to experience ministry? Exclusivity is of the ego-mind, not Heaven. Typically where exclusivity is present, a power struggle lies beneath the surface. (Hint: God does not have to struggle for power, but the human ego does!) More on that in a bit.

Fearing authority is a motif we see in ever tyrant and leader throughout history. Why might an authority figure use fear? Perhaps to control people? And why might fear be a powerful means to control others? Because fear is one of two major motivators to human action. Let’s look at the origin of fear before we delve into how people have become possessed by it historically.

Most people unknowingly develop an entire thought system- an alliance to un-being, from fear, and forget the part of them that was created by God, as Being, void of fear or form. This fear-minded thought system is of the ego- or the part of the mind who believes itself to be void of God. Part of the mind who now fears God, because it believes it left heaven and created a universe of multiplicity. What might be a great way to convince itself everything is fine? To write a book that says God creates the mess it made. So, deep down it fears it will be punished if it tries to return, so it perpetually creates places to hide and ways to avoid (what is believed to be) its inevitable inhalation. How is it going to explain to God that it created a whole universe that operates through separation, from mitosis to break ups, AND blames it on God through a rose colored lenses for literally thousands of years of religion? It does this by dwelling in your mind, and pointing at all “outside of you” that is unworthy or worthy and judging it. What is doesn’t want to face, is that IT, the ego, created everything it deems either worthy or unworthy. That which creates unworthiness will fear bringing it to the alter of the Divine. In short, the ego-mind believed it was separate, and fears the God-mind from which it came. So, it wishes to dwell in a world it created to hide from it’s shame. And who wouldn’t be ashamed to create a species that causes so much pain and suffering? When Jesus said I am, he meant he is, outside of time created by the ego. He meant that you cannot find your original being in anyplace but right now- in the Being that originally is I am. What has been confused by the ego-mind, is that Jesus was making himself a special super-hero by naming himself the son of God. He was simply pointing us inward to our true reality- as sons of God. **for more about the origin of fear-do some research in the books I mentioned earlier and take small bites- it’s a lot and your ego might spaz on you at first Back to the history of fear- When looking at world leaders, or human nature in general, fear moves us based on conditions. If you do this or that, you’ll be rewarded. If you don’t do what I say, you’ll be sorry you didn’t. I’ll make you suffer. You earn your place under fear-authority. The other more commonly misconstrued motivator is Love. Not special love/relationship love- but true, unending, indestructible, outwardly extending Love, which is the nature of Being from which you originate. The biggest difference you can see between the two in any given scenario is that fear seeks to take or trade; there is perceived lack so energy must be obtained to fill the receiver like a vacuum. Love, is, on the contrary, self-actualizing and seeks only to extend itself through sharing what is infinite and joyous- without exception or opposite. It flows outwardly from within like a fountain. Fear keeps salvation in the future, which is so to say, “if you don’t fear God, THEN when judgement day COMES, you will be in trouble.” While Love provides salvation here and now- outside of the ego-made time continuum because Love knows you truly never left. Love knows fear is not powerful enough to break the connection between Heaven and it’s children. Love says, “You are with heaven NOW, so relinquish all within you that doesn’t stem from unity and joy or you will continue to hurt yourself and make pain.” Love, of course, doesn’t seek to inflict further pain, but relinquish it entirely. Love does not withhold, because it is beyond form. Only that of which stems from form can withhold, because form has a beginning and an end. It has a birth and death. Love is beyond the veil of the birth- death cycle, and so it is infinitely more powerful and reliable.

So, one might say that fear seems like a stronger motivator for authority, and in many ways they would be correct. Most leaders will use fear to control others out of expediency for their movement. Fear-controlling leadership is in a hurry to get from others what it perceives it lacks in itself. It might even call the “getting” it’s divine right to have. [Yet, Jesus says to not take up the treasures of the world, but the treasures of heaven.] It’s in a hurry to have as many people on board and don’t think about missing the ship- if you do, you’re screwed! Perfect Love does not operate like this. How could it? Perfect love is patient because it exists outside of the rushes of human-made time continuum. It meets you exactly where you are and works with you IN time specifically, because in a world of multiplicity, you have unique needs. If I was a doctor, I would not try to scare a patient into getting better, because that would be insane. I would find what is wrong and expose the illness to them and find a treatment method for them. Darkness cannot destroy darkness, only light can relinquish the dark; not by destruction, but by simply Being what it is. This is how you relinquish darkness: by remembering and simply Being who you are. Jesus simply is I am, and so he relinquishes all darkness. For us this is the job of the Holy Spirit or the bridge between the unmanifested and the world of form. The Holy Spirit can be summoned by people who are not christians- who do not even call it the Holy Spirit. I’ll explain how this is so further. Say the Holy Spirit lives in a house in everyone’s neighborhood. Imagine it only opened when self-proclaimed christians came knocking. Imagine if it said, “you must declare Jesus as LORD before I can help you!” This would mean the Holy Spirit needs allegiance pledges before acting or moving. This is exactly what the Pharisees were doing in biblical time that Jesus was speaking out against! (Which was indeed a crazy thing to do during those times). To need anything is to assume there was a lack to begin with. True Loyalty is a result of being embraced, not a prerequisite. When loyalty is brought in by fear, it will always be open to other mean, because fear is not our true nature. Fear-bound loyalty will turn its back on its master when it is drawn to the light like a moth. So, by logical deduction- a Holy Spirit or God that needs a prerequisite to provide comfort and healing is no actual God at all. How can this be? To understand it better you must understand how scripture and institutionalized religion came to be.

Here's how it makes sense to me, based on what I've studied in school and on my own. Perhaps it'll resonate with you: Christianity (specifically the more powerful denominations) as it stands today- with churches, laws, dues, and the structure of the Bible is all a product of what someone decided it would be. This someone was not Jesus. This someone, Constantine and company, was a man/group of men who feared God, were moved powerfully, and assumed it was their divine right to use the same fear of God to move others as well. To no fault of his own, Constantine began a bit of a religious revolution that other leaders who were searching for a means to power caught on to. The very same institution that crucified Jesus began to realize what kind of control they could have over the masses again, like in the great Roman Empire, if they used the idea of a God-fearing religion to gain a loyal following. Like a lot of the same old, but made shiny and new and terrifyingly convincing. [Rhetoric is a powerful tool in convincing] They had a new secret weapon as well, that other religions seemed to be lacking– one that set them apart from the rest and seemed to be a way to bring validity to their cause. This weapon- was the resurrection. (*note: I don't think a bunch of whites guys conspired around a round table while laughing manically; the ego works much more subtly than that) How could they use the story of Jesus’ conquering of death to trick the masses into following fearfully? The same way man always has- they made an idol out of a savior. What? Isn’t Jesus a good idol? The messiah? Don’t quit on me just yet– To make a true idol you must make a person unattainably more special than anyone else. How do you do that? You make him born a virgin, of course! Who else could match against that? Then, you make your idol absolutely, and insufferably perfect and without mortal fault. Do you think it’s coincidence that the documentation of the first half of Jesus’s life is non-existent? Genuine question to ponder. Again, love a good conspiracy but really start looking into that. Proof of his humanity would be futile to their idol. And how would they paint this Jesus on their future temples? As a Caucasian man, whom they believed was of ultimate superiority as well. The next thing you do in creating the perfect idol is, you make everything he did completely unattainable by mere mortals. This way, nobody would ever match up against Jesus, and that, is truly terrifying. How could people not be duped? When the first creators of what is institutionalized Christianity today organized the Bible, they so conveniently changed what they didn’t understand to match their power-agenda. The accounts that didn’t add up for their plan for control and conquer and worldly wealth were cast aside or burned. Those who were true to “the way” which was what Jesus’ first followers called his teachings, were able to take their accounts and stories and hide them in tombs with the hopes that someday the truth would be revealed– yet even some of those accounts were just that, anecdotes that may or may not have been skewed by biases or wishful thinking. For example, scrolls have been recovered in recent years by archeologists with biblical stories that mention reincarnation. This was stripped from the original edit, because reincarnation insinuates what? A second chance to figure it out, and the opportunity to ponder that a creator other than God may be responsible for this- and that may be us. That would mean we have the chance and power to change it! But there are no second chances when fear is in charge, there is only judgement and damnation of those unworthy. A brief study of the Roman Catholic Church reveals an uncanny resemblance to the power-control-judgement-damnation cycle I am emphasizing. To further my point- compare the amount of pain and death that has arisen from a church that uses God-fear to control people to the amount of life and joy it has spread. I’m not saying the latter is unrecognizable, but it certainly is eclipsed by the first. ***for more on fear and power look for my paper on Machiavelli… or just read Machiavelli

What the first church institutions did to the Gospels was make a New Testament into a new Old Testament. I cannot both be a critical thinker and think that fearing God and earning a spot in heaven was the intended message of the actual Jesus.

I hope if you’ve made it this far into my post, you know that as I share my thoughts I do not do so out of judgement for those who believe this way. I was one of them and most people are. I am simply moved to share in what I believe to be the truth. If the thoughts of my take on theology makes your guts hurt, ask yourself why? Why does what she is saying feel like an attack on me? Pray on it. Ask for the truth. It may be different linguistically to different people, but it liberates us all the same. I didn’t need to try to prove that pastor wrong because if I did, then I too would be coming from fear instead of extending from Love. Do not stand by and blindly accept something that seems inherently flawed or lacking logical meaning. Ask why over and over until it makes sense and you are liberated by it! And knock on the Holy Spirits door. The answer may not be what you want to hear but it will be exactly as you need to hear it to awaken to the truth.