#its just gunna be something like 'toms nonsense'

[tomasobbin]

Pair of eyes by nightmare of you,,, rotates it in my mind as a skysolo song

I think im actually going insane over these jdiots ,

[anythingstephenking]

We’re All Just Bags of Bones (& More Uplifting Realizations)

GHOSTS! FUCK YEAH! We got ourselves a ghost story, y’all and even tho I’m not a relligo and don’t really believe in “spirits” (other than good tequila), I friggin’ love ghost stories. I blame my early childhood obsession with Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark and Saturday nights staying up late to watch Are You Afraid Of The Dark. Is someone still making scary content for kids? I mean, not Creepypasta, I saw that Slenderman doc on HBO, please don’t make that content. I feel like I read that RL Stine is still publishing books? You go, RL Stine.

Before we get started on vengeful ghosts, I’m gunna talk about myself for a bit. Since I’m the only one who ever looks at this blog, whatever, I do what I want.

I’ve been a little down on my King-Marathon lately, mostly because I started in 2016 with grand plans and 3 years later I’m only just past the halfway point. Even if I manage a book a month, it’ll be another 3+ years before I finish (nevermind that King keeps publishing 2 books a year. Slow your role bro!) I’m also headed into King’s not-so-great years (I hate saying that, but I think it’s true. Sorry Steve, I still love you). It’s really not even the quality but the quantity - have you seen how long Dreamcatcher and Duma Key and Lisey’s Story and Under The Dome are? I’ll tell ya - 2,100 pages. UTD is 1,000+ itself. It’ll be like reading The Stand except it’s about aliens and I’ll hate it like I hated The Tommyknockers.

Hey Negative Nancy, why don’t you just quit then? Quitting is for losers, duh. But really, it’s because every once in a while, I get to read a book like Bag of Bones and I remember why I lurve King so much. And that folks, is how you circle back from bitching to the true topic.

I really enjoyed Bag of Bones. We already covered why. Ghosts motherfuckah. More than ghosts though, it felt like a return to true King storytelling with all the core players - the woods of Maine, a writer protagonist (obvs), horrors of both the supernatural and human varieties. Cause the ghosts are vengeful but the humans are the real monsters. Lets get on the astral plane and uncover some secrets.

I’m so basic but I literally can’t with this jacket photo.

Bag of Bones was King’s first book in a new contract with Scribner. King upped the ante on what he wanted from his publisher (take a guess - ayup more dinero) and when Viking wouldn’t bite he waved bye bye and plopped on down the road to Scribner. I guess it worked out cause he still publishes with them today. You get that 50% profit share bud, I know you and Tabs give a lot to charity so it’s ok. 

This new contract covered what would be 3 books - Bag of Bones, On Writing and a novella collection originally meant to be called “One Headlight” that morphed into my next read, Hearts in Atlantis. In the author’s afterward, King laments about On Writing, saying “I doubt they’ll ever teach this book in writing school.” Sometimes I can’t tell if King is being honest, humble, modest, ironic, pretentious or some combination of all these things, but On Writing is indeed taught in writing schools. Like a lot of them. I’m not reading his non-fiction but if I’m not dead before I finish this thing, maybe I’ll read it on a beach somewhere. Lord knows I need help in the writing department. 

So I’m going to get a little contemplative on this book because this is the last King I’ll read chronologically before his car accident. Technically his last book published before the accident was The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, but my vacation brain caused me to read these out of order. In hindsight, it makes more sense this way. 

I’ve been researching the car wreck and will do a separate Commercial Break post about the accident itself, but the jist is some distracted driver plowed into King walking along the side of the road in June 1999 and he could have died. He also could have never written again.

Navigating the subject matter of Bag of Bones, knowing the real accident was just around the corner made the book even creepier. Our main character, Mike Noonan, is a writer whose healthy wife drops dead and all of a sudden he can’t write anymore. Meanwhile, in King’s world, he himself almost dies and, trying to overcome his injuries, thinks he’ll never write again. Am I stretching? Uh yah. King’s had his fair share of writers block before, so this is a story of hindsight not foresight. But I seriously lost sleep over this story (which I haven’t since Cujo) with restless dreams about Mike Noonan and Stephen King being haunted by ghosts keeping them from practicing their craft.

I speculate that his new contract with Scribner is what got King back at the keyboard. Having only fulfilled on 1 of 3 novels must have been a solid motivation to recover and restart the engines. Only a coincidence but (Carrie Bradshaw voice) I couldn’t help but wonder if King would have quit writing for longer if he was still with Viking. King’s been writing for almost 50 years and only been with three publishing houses in all those years. The timing of the signing with Scribner just makes me wonder about fate. Oh universe, you crazy.

Back to book-world. Mike Noonan, mourning his wife four years after he passing, decides to spend the summer at their lakehouse in Maine. These writers and their multiple homes, amirite? He meets a young mother named Mattie and they fall in love. See, Mattie lost her husband tragically too. But Mattie’s in a custody battle, and her dead husband’s evil family wants her daughter.

Ok, another bitch break - my only gripe with this book. Mike is 40 and Mattie is 21. They do fall in love in a really genuine way, but still, yuck. Mike is powerful and rich, Mattie is helpless and poor. Mike swoops in and saves the day and Mattie’s all “Aw shucks, you’re my hero! You can totally bang me now!”. Mike’s our narrator so we spend all our time in his head - and we hear alllllll about his wife Jo, Mike’s sadness and his longing. Mattie hardly ever talks about her dead husband Lance and spends her time pining away over Mike. This power dynamic really rubbed me the wrong way. That said, I was rooting for them, because ya know, I’m not dead inside and they really cared for each other.

This book twists and turns and pivots and has a new bonkers revelation around every corner. We’ve got a small town of well-developed characters with unknown motives. The supernatural is writing cryptic messages with fridge magnets. Is it Jo? Is it something more sinister? Is it Pennywise? Who knows! (Just kidding, it’s not Pennywise). I pride myself of guessing the plot of these rollercoaster stories, but I was surprised by the twists many times. Although I did just watch Scream 4 for the first time and guessed the killer wrong so maybe I’m losing my touch.

Of course there are evil people too, and there’s a gunfight sandwiched between all the ghostly revelations that felt more than a little out of place, but at the end of it all, I was satisfied and smiling.

At its core it’s story of love, loss, death and morality. Even with all of its insane plotting, it comes back around to a study of grief and pain and protecting the ones you love. All my favorite King themes, combined with an actual page turning story about solving a ghost mystery? Winner winner.

Bag of Bones seems like one of those King books that fades from his most well remembered cannon, but it deserves much more. It’s got love. It’s got ghosts. It’s got evil old men. It’s got Maine! What’s not to love?

8/10

First Line: On a very hot day in August 1994, my wife told me she was going down to the Derry Rite Aid to pick up a refill on her sinus prescription - this is stuff you can get over the counter these days, I believe.

Last Line: These days I prefer not to.

Adaptations:

OH GOODY ANOTHER MINISERIES. This one was so bad even ABC passed on it, which like, they made The Langoliers, so yeah, it’s bad.

I’m not even going to go there. Pierce Brosnan plays 40-year-old Mike Noonan, except he’s 60 and also HAS A BRITISH ACCENT. Y’all, the entire plot revolves around Mike’s family being from Maine for generations. IT IS WHAT THE CLIMAX OF THE STORY IS BASED ON! Where did he get a fucking British accent from? JESUS CHRIST I HOPE THAT CASTING DIRECTOR NEVER WORKED AGAIN.

Sorry for yelling so much, seriously, it made me so angry. This movie was nonsense. They reveal the “big twist” in the opening credits. Never ever watch this.