#its impact is so much different and unparalleledly raw like that now is the real deal and Sam will never be able to recreate him in nobody

[shadystranger]

Thinking about the parallels between Sam's illusions and how it unravels pieces of him. Susie embodies his innate guilt and cognizance that his extreme end-justifies-the-means one-track minded stubbornness to save Dean regardless of the consequences is borderline immoral. He understands he is essentially no different from all-consuming evil. He is willing to do anything to save Dean, and he will not stop unless he dies. Right before Sam's conscience, that Susie represents, sways Sam, Rowena's illusion takes over. She pushes Sam to also kill himself (like Susie tried) through bleeding himself to death, but she convinces him it's for saving Dean. Rowena personifed Sam's persistent and overwhelming desire to sacrifice himself/to sacrifice himself for Dean/to do anything for Dean. And Sam's greater wish was to die not for the good of the world and doing the right thing, but it was to die for Dean.

It also says something that the two illusions Sam manufacturs that are particularly urging him to kill himself use the endearing 'Sammy' on him bc even in his subconscious Sam is best manipulated when it feels to him like it's Dean. But then the actual Dean comes in and he immediately calls him Sammy.