#its fine you all can ignore the contents of this post all it SHOULD say is a big ole 'BIG MOOD' and then a lot of sad faces.

[fortunately-bi]

...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈

[ipseitydelrey]

your lips, my lips ☆ s. reid

ship sub!spencer reid x fem!reader

content/warnings smutty smut (mdni 18+), mutual masturbation, mommy kink, accidental voyeurism, he sounds like a slut you can’t blame yourself

word count 2.5k

summary after spencer returns home early from a case, you come back home after work to find him in an incredibly compromised position.

a/n ignore the accidental hiatus, but hi !! im probably not going to be able to post at all in may bc im going to be in europe for the entire month. i’m posting this before going in a cave so…enjoy this as a treat!

To put it briefly, Spencer was…awkward.

That’s not to discredit him, though. You can tell that he loves the team and you (especially you). Although he’s less awkward around people he trusts and has known for longer, he still can’t really speak up for what he wants.

And the poor boy is just so touch starved. It’s clear he’s practically clueless when it comes to other forms of intimacy aside from sympathetic hugs to friends or victims in a case. Hell, it even took a month since you started dating for Spencer to be comfortable huddling next to you on the couch; it took even longer for him to be fine with sharing the same bed.

You had barely done anything sexual yet. The closest you had probably gotten to something intimate like that with him was him involuntarily jutting his hips up into your ass when you were making out on the couch. You had hoped that he would continue to do that, especially with how you could feel his hardness pressing up against your core, but he got so flustered and started stammering out high-pitched apologies before moving away and retreating into the bathroom. You imagined that he probably took care of it, but knowing him, maybe he doesn’t jerk off.

You went with that assumption for a while since you — and especially him — hadn’t initiated anything potentially steamy. For him, makeout sessions were enough and although you wanted more, you were okay with indulging in him. You figured that with how touch starved he was, you should take it slow before moving on.

You got to leave work early, and you’re usually glad when that happens but today you’re especially happy because Spencer had just gotten back from a successful case a couple hours ago. When he landed, he immediately texted you, letting you know where he was. When you left your workplace, you had forgotten to text him that you’ll be home earlier than expected, but you’re sure that he wouldn’t mind.

After all, he’s probably just as excited to see you, if not more.

You don’t call out to him when you unlock and open the apartment door; he should hear that you’re home with the locking of the door and the tossing of the keys, as well as the rustle of your coat as you take it off and hang it up.

It’s quiet, but that isn’t really saying anything since it usually is. But you’d figured that he’d meet you at the doorway, which he didn’t.

Odd.

You’re just about to call out to him when you hear a peculiar and out-of-place sound: a moan.

Although it startles you a bit, you think that it was probably the neighbours; that doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense consdiering it’s coming from inside the apartment, but it’s more believable than…

Then you hear another one, and this time you can finally pinpoint its location. It sounds like it’s coming from the bedroom. Spencer? It’s not impossible, but you had just figured that he wouldn’t be the type to pleasure himself, especially with those sorts of reactions.

You slowly make your way towards the room in question, seeing that the door is slightly ajar, leaving a sliver for you to peer in.

What you find is a heavenly sight: Spencer, fully unclothed, splayed across the bed with his length in his fist. His pace is slow, but it’s still enough for him to whimper and moan quite audibly. His other hand is gripping tightly onto the sheets as his head pushes back against a pillow.

It’s perverted, but you feel as if you can’t tear yourself away from watching. At this point, you start to wonder if he knows you’re here or if he even heard you come into the apartment. You struggle to keep quiet as your panties grow damp, and you end up biting your lip to keep yourself from moaning at the sight.

The sound of his fist moving up and down his leaking cock is lewd, his precum dribbling down and even slightly coating his hand.

“o-oh m-mommy—” Him saying that is your breaking point, and you push the door open and enter the room.

He finally notices you and he pulls the sheets he was just grasping onto for dear life up to cover his throbbing dick. You were expecting him to do that; although what he was just doing was insanely hot, he’s still shy, even around you.

He looks away from you, clearly embarrassed he was caught. “Uh, I was— I— ah…” he attempts to explain himself but it leads nowhere. “I-I’m sorry,” he whispers, sounding defeated.

“Why are you sorry?” It’s not a needed question; you know exactly why he thinks so. You move to sit on the edge of the bed as he moves away, still having the sheets pulled up to cover himself. He stammers, but no words come out. He’s so flustered and red in his cheeks, you fear he’s about to pop.

He squirms in his position slightly while a tiny noise that you can barely hear escapes from his lips. A noise of discomfort, you recognize quickly, but you’re not sure if it’s because you just caught him in a private moment or if it’s because his cock is starting to get achy from the lack of stimulation.

“Baby,” you say in a more serious tone, leaning into the notion of his fantasy of you as his mommy, “why are you sorry?”

You stare at him, though you wish he could return your gaze. “Y-You probably feel…uncomfortable b-because—”

Softly, you shush him, holding a finger up against his lips, and you smile. “I’m not uncomfortable,” you assure him.

“You’re not?” he asks, his words vibrating against your index.

You shake your head as you pull your finger away from his lips, instead moving to grab his chin with a soft grip. His cheeks squish against your fingers softly, making his lips look even more plush and kissable. You push your lips against his gently, though it’s obvious that he’s eager from the way he pushes against your mouth to chase the kiss.

The way he whines when you pull away from him is so cute, you feel as if you want to give in to his need to have you closer to him. But he can tell that you want to do something else to satisfy him, so Spencer quiets down. Your hand, however, remains firmly yet softly gripping his jaw.

You look down at the sheets covering his lower half, his erection not-so-subtlety poking the thin fabric, and you glance back up at him. “Do you want me to…” you trail off before looking down at his boner again.

In all honesty, it takes Spencer a good second or two before he gets what you meant by that offer. “U-uh, well, ah…” he stutters. You’re not exactly sure what he wants and frankly neither is he. Based on his previous experiences with intimacy, you decide to not give him a blowjob, or even a handjob.

You both sit there in silence; you can practically cut the tension in the room with a knife. As you think of what to do — since you don’t just want to ignore it, nor do you want to leave him unsatisfied and awkward — Spencer squirms uncomfortably, shifting ever so slightly. His thighs accidentally clench together, squeezing his erection under the blanket, causing him to whimper softly. He silently hopes that you didn’t catch that noise he made, but you did…and it gave you an idea; one that will satisfy both of your urges.

“Do you wanna keep going?” You ask. He would probably much rather do this himself, although you don’t know how he would feel if he were to masturbate right in front of you.

He hesitates for a second, but he does nod shyly. You notice how he’s not meeting your gaze with his own, avoiding eye contact almost entirely. Instead, he’s looking in the direction of your waist.

Without informing him, you stand up and your hands quickly find their way to the buttons on your pants undoing them. Spencer watches with an air of anticipation and slight anxiety as you pull your pants down, a bit hastily and it definitely shows just how eager you are at this moment. Your underwear is certainly damp with how much this situation has you turned on and he can see it clearly too. You couldn’t pinpoint his expression as he sees the wetness, whether he’s nervous or intrigued, until you see him lick his lips — a motion that he only does when he’s excited.

At last, you peel off your soaked panties, but you keep your eyes on his face, wanting to see his reaction at seeing you half-naked. Sure, he’s seen you in your bra and panties before, but that was never sexual and only when you were changing clothes in front of him. He’s always looked away, the gentleman that he is, but he couldn’t resist taking a peek or two at your near-unclothed state. Just like how now, where he can see your bare pussy, glistening and wet, he just can’t resist staring.

He doesn’t mind it; no, not at all. In fact, it’s just making him even more excited, to the point where he slightly pulls down the sheets that are covering his dick — not enough to actually show his arousal, but enough to clearly see his happy trail, which has you salivating.

You get back on the bed, not bothering to take your shirt off as well. You just want to get started already, but you think it would be better if you know he’s comfortable with this whole situation first.

“Is this okay?” you ask, alluding to your nakedness as your thighs are slightly spread, giving him a nice view of your cunt.

He swallows and nods feverishly as his gaze continues to bore into your pussy; all of his attention seems to be focused there, which amuses you.

Deciding to take the initiative, your hand makes its way towards your core. You dip the tips of your fingers in your wet folds, collecting some of the slick and bringing it up to your clit, where you start to gently rub it in small and slow circles.

You hear Spencer’s breath hitch as you do this. It’s like you’re subtly encouraging him to do the same thing and start masturbating again, which is exactly what you’re going for.

He ends up pulling the covers off his pelvis completely, allowing you to see his cock-filled hand. You bite your lip at the sight of him starting to slowly stroke his length again, although timidly, as if he’s being judged. You’re not doing that, of course; you wouldn’t dare judge him for doing something so pleasing in front of you.

He keeps avoiding your gaze so you lean forward as you continue to massage your clit gently and you bring your other hand to tilt his head up by his chin to look at you. The eye contact you both have now is both awkward yet erotic. You’re not really doing anything with each other, you’re just two people touching themselves in front of the other.

A couple minutes into this shared experience, Spencer is starting to get more confident and less self-conscious. His strokes are getting longer and faster, making him produce more noises from his throat; mostly small whimpers with the occasional moan but by god, those small moans just get you going. You end up quickening your pace too and you let yourself make tiny whines too.

Eventually, your fingers move from your clit and back down to your folds, where you insert a finger into your cunt. The sound that falls from your lips after you do so is more motivation for Spencer to speed up again. You thrust your finger in and out at the same pace as his hand and you’re sure you both are imagining something more intimate at this point.

You add a second finger and then later on a third and now, a few minutes later, you’re both moving in sync and moaning up a storm. His moans are louder though, but you don’t mind at all. They just give you more reason to speed up and keep going.

Nearing the end, you’re wondering who’s going to cum first. It wouldn’t be a surprise if Spencer did so before you since he’s been jerking off for longer than you have but with the way the pleasure is building up in your stomach, you’re not entirely sure anymore; your mind is just focused on the intense pleasure and nothing else.

“O-oh god…” you hear him whine. Now you know who is going to finish first.

“You gonna cum, baby?” It takes you some effort to ask that question, especially since for the past ten or so minutes, you’ve just been touching yourselves without even talking.

“Mhm,” he hums in response as he nods. His hand is going at such a quick pace that you can clearly hear how his precum-coated palm is moving up and down his cock. “S’much, I…”

“It’s okay, honey,” you stammer out. Then, in your pleasure-fueled haze, an idea forms in your head. “You can cum. Cum for mommy~”

The use of that nickname for you really gets him going and he can no longer hold himself back. “M-mommy!” he cries out with a gasp for air as cum spurts out of the tip of his cock. He lets his head hang back and his eyelids flutter as his orgasm hits him and it’s beautiful for you to watch. It only motivates you to speed up even more, wanting to reach your peak as fast as possible. You probably shouldn’t rush it to savor the moment but in this case, rushing is fine to you.

After his intense orgasm, Spencer watches with bated breath as you cum. Your hips rock forward, practically riding your own fingers while your back arches and your murmurs grow incoherent. If he wasn’t tired, Spencer is pretty sure that he would be turned on again immediately just from watching you finger yourself. He is almost positive that you’re thinking of riding him instead of your fingers, and he would be correct in that assessment.

The pleasure slowly dissipates until you’re left with the incredibly awkward feeling of having just jerked off in front of your boyfriend. Both of you aren’t really sure what to say or what to do considering this was technically your first shared sexual experience since you had started dating.

“Um—” “So—” you both say at the same time. You don’t know how to move forward in a gracious manner, so you shyly get off the bed and put your underwear and pants back on. He still sits in the bedsheets, which are slightly damp from the sweat accumulated from the experience.

He moves towards the edge of the bed — towards you — and sits up straight, trying not to feel embarrassed that he’s still naked. And even though he felt uncomfortable about being touched while nude prior, he plants his lips on yours.

You weren’t expecting this but it’s a welcome surprise, as you chase his kiss with all the energy you have left; which isn’t a lot, but is enough. He breaks from the kiss, but leaves his forehead against yours as he looks at you like a dog.

“Thank you, mommy.”

hopefully it wasn’t that bad <3 join the taglist

[obsessedwithceleste]

The Stages of Grief

Lorenzo Berkshire x Reader

Prompt 5 of @thatdammchickennugget ‘s Hogmarch challenge🫶🏽

Summary: They say that when you experience grief, you go through five stages. And after being partnered with Lorenzo Berkshire for your latest potions assignment, rest be assured, you were experiencing all five.

word count: 6.2k

©️ obsessedwithceleste. all works posted here belong to me and should not be reposted or copied in any way or form.

Denial

“Oh you’re kidding,” you groan as you finally spot your name on the list of assigned pairings for your next potions assignment.

You loved potions; in fact it was one of your favorite classes at Hogwarts, despite its demanding course work. You ironically found its rigid, methodical nature to be quite relaxing as moving step by step through the different recipes seemed to practically be second nature. It was a rhythmic dance that you followed religiously, finding thrill in the ever changing contents of your cauldron.

What you did not love however, or who you did not love to be more precise, was Lorenzo Berkshire. Flirtatious, carefree, and devilishly handsome, you were fairly certain that that boy could chat up a corpse. Or he could if he or his friends ever bothered showing up to class. It’s not that you disliked the boy per se, but to allow him onto your sacred ground? Into your sanctuary? You’d rather not.

Yet, there his name was, scrawled neatly next to yours on the board. It was like the universe had it out for you. Or your professor more likely.

“Tell me I read it wrong,” you complain turning to Daphne who was sat beside you.

The two of you had made an unlikely pairing in second year herbology and been inseparable ever since.

The girl just rolls her eyes at you.

“Oh come on, he’s really not as bad as you make him out be,” she sighs, scribbling notes from the board onto her parchment.

“Maybe not to you, but you’ve known him your whole life,” you grumble.

Personally, you’d always found the boy to be a bit of a prick. He was a pretty boy and he knew it, giving him a rather inflated ego you thought.

“Yeah, so don’t you think I might know him a bit better and perhaps be a better judge of character?” She asks.

“Maybe the professor will let me work alone.”

“Oh honestly, y/n. Look, at least he’s in class today. You’ll be fine, promise. And if he annoys you, even a little, I’ll owl his mother,” Daphne replies, not even bothering to look up from her notes. She was used to your dramatics by now.

“Alright, alright, everyone settle down,” your professor calls out, moving to stand at the front of the room before you can complain any further. “This next assignment will take course over the span of the next month or so, as you will be expected to collect some of your ingredients outside of class. So. Who can tell me a little bit about what this next potion that we’re brewing is?”

Your hand shoots into the air as soon as the question leaves your professor’s lips.

“Amortentia is the most powerful love potion in existence. It doesn’t really create love though, but rather infatuation which makes it one of the most dangerous potions in the world,” you recite.

“Yes, yes! Very good, y/n! Five points!”

“Really if it’s so dangerous, I don’t see why they’re teaching a bunch of sixth years how to brew it,” Daphne mumbles to you under her breath.

You let out a snicker. She had a point.

You turn back to the front of the classroom, tuning back into the lesson as your professor begins scratching away on the chalkboard once more.

“The ingredients that you’ll need to gather are as follows. Two ashwinder eggs, rose thorns, peppermint, powdered moonstone, pearl dust, and rose petals. You’ll have the next two weeks to gather your ingredients with your partners, so I suggest you begin,” your professor announces.

You feel your shoulders wilt at the thought of purposely seeking out Lorenzo, but you can already feel his eyes on you from across the room.

“Do you think if I ignore him long enough he’ll get the idea and just go away?” You whisper to your friend.

Daphne just rolls her eyes at you once more, shaking her head.

“Go,” she sighs, giving you a light shove in his direction before moving to join Theodore Nott at a different station.

With one last sigh of despair, you make your way over to the station where Enzo sits waiting for you, silently mourning your potions grade. And your mental and emotional stability.

“Mornin’ love,” he greets giving you a bright lopsided grin as you approach.

“Hi,” you respond dryly with a tight lipped smile.

“So, what’s our game plan going to be, darlin? I reckon we’ll want to get the hardest ingredients to come by first yeah?” He pushes on, ignoring your clear disinterest.

You nod your head in response.

“The peppermint, rose petals and thorns will be easy. We can get all of those in the greenhouse. The pearl dust- I assume we’ll need fresh pearls, we can probably get from the Black Lake.”

“Great. I think I have a moonstone in my ingredient collection. We can crush it down for the powdered moonstone,” Enzo offers.

You raise your brows at this. Moonstone wasn’t necessarily rare by any means, but you weren’t really expecting Enzo to offer up ingredients from his personal collection.

“That would work. We can also find them in the dark forest,” you reply.

“Nah, save us the hassle. Pretty girl like you doesn’t have any business in that musty old forest anyway,” he responds with a charming grin.

Ignoring his comment, you continue on to the last item on the list.

“I’m really not sure where we’re going to find those eggs. I don’t think we can find ashwinders on the school grounds, and they’re quite risky to breed.”

Enzo stares at you blankly.

“Remind me what an ashwinder is again love?” He says sheepishly.

“Magic serpent. Born from the embers of magic flames that are left to burn. You’re a Slytherin, shouldn’t you know all about snakes and such?”

“Yeah, let me recite to you the alphabetical list of all known magical serpent species that us Slytherins actually use as the password to our common room.”

You purse your lips at the boy’s obvious sarcasm.

“Fair enough. Still don’t know how we’ll get the eggs though.”

“I can see if we have any in our stores at the manor. Probably our best bet if we don’t want to risk burning down the school.” Enzo replies.

“Are you sure? We’re already using your moonstone,” you say, beginning to feel a bit bad about raiding the boy for supplies.

“It’s the least I can do really. I’m useless at potions, so least I can do is provide you with the ingredients that we need,” he says honestly with a light laugh.

“Well alright. Shall we meet up on Friday then to collect the pearls?” You ask, scribbling down your plans in your notebook.

“Sounds good, six o’clock? By the dock?”

You nod in agreement.

“Well alright then. See you then, love.” And with a grin and a cheeky wink thrown your way, Enzo is off.

At least he was pulling his weight in gathering ingredients you supposed.

Anger

“Y/n! Are you headed down to the docs?” Daphne asks slightly out of breath as she runs up to you from across the court yard.

“Yeah. Enzo tell you?”

Daphne nods her head in response as you two begin to make the short trek down to the lake.

“Hope you don’t mind if Theo and I join you?”

“Course not. Probably better that I’m not alone with Enzo by the lake anyway. Wouldn’t want him to try and drown me.” You say lightly, only slightly joking.

“Oh piss off. He’s a nice bloke once you get to know him.” Daphne laughs.

As the two of you arrive at the edge of the lake, you can already see Enzo, Theodore, and Mattheo splashing about in the water. Draco and Pansy are watching disdainfully from the shore.

You hadn’t realized this was going to be a whole party.

“Daph, please get these boys under control!” Pansy shouts when she sees the two of you approaching.

“I’m not their mum, they won’t listen to me,” Daphne replies dryly.

“Sure they will. Or at least Theo will, and the other two dimwits will follow whatever he does.” Pansy replies.

“Theodore!” Daphne shouts, turning to the three boys who were waist deep in the water by this point.

“Bella?” He calls back, visibly perking up at the sight of your friend.

You watch with amusement as Daphne points a finger at the boy and then again at the ground next to her. Theo slowly sulks over to the four of you, Mattheo and Enzo following in his wake.

“Really Theodore? You’re sopping wet,” Daphne sighs, only to be met with a sheepish grin.

“Hey love,” Enzo greets, prancing over to stand beside you.

It takes everything in you to focus anywhere but Enzo’s soaking wet shirt as it clung to his chest and abdomen like a second, very see-through skin. Bloody hell.

“Hi Enzo,” you say through gritted teeth.

“Are you sure we’ll even find pearls here? I thought pearls were from the ocean, and I don’t want to risk getting wet for nothing,” Draco says, eyeing the lake warily.

“Hogwarts a History says that fresh water pearls are common in the Black Lake,” you reply.

“What’s the difference?”

“Saltwater pearls are generally rarer, more expensive.” Pansy replies easily.

“Fresh water mussels can produce multiple pearls at a time, but oysters generally only produce a single pearl in their entire lifetime,” you explain.

“So how exactly are we going to collect these mussels?” Theo asks.

“Accio.” Daphne responds, as if it should’ve been obvious. Which it was.

Your now rather large group makes it way onto the dock, squinting into the murky water for any trace of mussels in the sand below.

Daphne finds the first one, and after that, they slowly start pouring in. Eventually, there’s a sort of system in place with you, Daphne, Pansy, and Draco scanning the dark waves for the elusive mussels, while Theo, Mattheo, and Enzo crack them open to retrieve the pearls.

It’s all going swimmingly until the boys begin to get rowdy once more, with Mattheo sending a small wave of water at Enzo when his back is turned. Daphne gives the boys several warning glares as the waves gradually grow larger, only for them to start up again the moment your backs are turned.

Eventually it turns into an all out water war between the three of them once more, and you scowl as you feel a splash of water hit your leg.

Could they not cause a ruckus for one afternoon? You thought bitterly as another mussel flew into your hand. You go to place it in the pile with the others when you feel a weight hit you like a ton of bricks. Then cold. Everything is cold as you feel yourself hit the water.

“What the fuck!” You exclaim once your head breaks the surface and you frantically wipe water from your eyes.

You look over to see Lorenzo in the water near you, a grin plastered across his face. His smile quickly fades however when he sees the pure murderous intent in your eyes.

“What is wrong with you?” You shout, swimming over to him, and shoving him under the waves.

“Y/n! You can’t drown him!” Daphne yells from the dock.

“Watch me!”

“It was an accident, swear!” Enzo gasps when his head re-emerges once more.

With one last scream of rage, you make your way to land as Daphne runs to catch up with you.

“Seriously Daphne? What is wrong with him?” You rage as you storm up the hill back to the castle.

“I really don’t think he meant for you to get shoved into the lake. The boys can get pretty tunnel visioned,” Daphne offers as she follows behind.

“That’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one who went for a swim,” you mutter between chattering teeth, the cold really beginning to sink in.

“Oh I’m not defending him. Not completely I mean. He was totally acting like a right git. The other boys too. I don’t blame you for being upset, I would be too. I’m just saying, maybe don’t be too hard on him? It was an accident after all, and he really did look sorry.”

When you only shrug in response, Daphne sighs.

“Look. Give him one last chance, and if you still think he’s the worst person on earth, at least exploit the fact that he really does feel bad, and milk it for all he’s worth. Okay?”

You let out a smile at this.

“Spoken like a true Slytherin, Daph.”

Bargaining

The following Monday when you take your seat next to Lorenzo in potions, he immediately turns his head, almost like he’s surprised you hadn’t demanded to be reassigned partners.

“I’m so sorry, y/n. I really didn’t mean for you to end up in the lake, Theo just shoved me and I grabbed on the closest thing which happened to be you. I really am sorry,” he rambles, fiddling with the quill in his hand nervously.

“It’s okay. I know it was an accident, so let’s just move on, alright?” You say with a sigh.

Maybe if the both of you just moved on, this nightmare of a pairing would be over sooner.

“Really?” Lorenzo asks, his bright personality snapping back into place.

“Sure Enzo.”

“Excellent. Because I was able to get us these,” he says proudly, carefully pulling two little eggs and a medium sized moonstone out of his bag. “Oh, and the pearls.” He adds, placing the eggs, stone, and glass container filled with pearls on the table in front of you.

You eye the ingredients carefully before determining that they were in fact all up to standard.

“Perfect. I’ll begin crushing up the pearls, if you take care of the moonstone?” You say, already pouring the shiny orbs into your mortar and pestle.

The two of you work surprisingly well together for the rest of the class period, almost as if you’d been working together for years. It takes you by surprise how easy the brown haired boy is to work with. You hadn’t been expecting much, knowing that potions wasn’t Enzo’s strong suit. But he made up for it by making sure you never wanted for anything. Needed a vial for your pearl dust? It was in your hands before you even had to ask. A fire needed to be lit beneath the ashwinder eggs to keep them from spoiling? Enzo’s wand was pointed in their direction before you had the chance to open your mouth.

As class winds down and you go to make your exit, you feel a hand on your wrist.

“Y/n?” Enzo says, stopping you. You turn to look at the boy.

“Look uh, I know that you’re not my biggest fan, or at least that’s what I gathered from Daph,” he begins to ramble, scratching the back of his neck, “but, could we maybe like, just start over?”

You’re a bit skeptical at first, but seeing his nervous smile melts something in you. Being friendly couldn’t hurt, you reasoned. And it would certainly make working with the boy easier.

“Alright, Enzo, we can start over.”

“Wicked.” He says with a grin. “Don’t suppose you’d like to meet in the greenhouse later then to gather the rest of our ingredients? Promise I won’t drag Theo and Matt along this time.”

“Sounds lovely.”

The both of you agree to meet right after classes are released that day, and as you make your way down the cobblestone path to the greenhouse, you can’t seem to push the memories of wet hair and an infectious smile from your thoughts.

“Hi love!” Enzo calls out as soon as you push open the doors of the greenhouse. The boy is elbows deep in soil, pulling at the roots of a suspiciously pink colored plant.

“How’d you get here so fast?” you ask, glancing at the clock to see that classes had ended not even ten minutes ago.

“Herbology is my last class of the day,” he explains, brushing some of the dirt off his gloves.

“Ah. So you wanted to meet right after classes ended so you wouldn’t have to make the trek back out here?” You ask, fingertips brushing the soft petals of one of the many flowering plants growing within the greenhouse.

“Well, and I wanted to see you again sooner,” he replies with a shrug and a cheeky grin.

You roll you eyes as you feel your cheeks heat up, turning quickly and hoping he hadn’t seen.

“So where are the rose bushes?” You ask, looking around at the distinct lack of roses within the building.

Enzo gives a nervous chuckle. “About that. Apparently Professor Sprout didn’t think that the common rose was, ah, dangerous enough, for her plant collection,” Enzo says, gesturing towards the various plants, “so, uh, there are none. But! We can grow them pretty easily. It might take a week or two to grow a full bush to peak maturity, but it should be fine.”

You let out a sigh. Of course Hogwarts wouldn’t grow something as simple and common as a rose.

“Alright, well. Let’s begin I suppose.”

Enzo immediately perks up as he goes to fetch a large pot and a bag of soil and you begin to rifle through the cabinets to find rose seeds. After several minutes with no success, you feel a warm presence behind you as Enzo leans over your shoulder and plucks a packet off the top shelf.

“You certainly know your way around,” you murmur, looking up to find the boy’s face much closer than anticipated. You feel heat rise to your cheeks once more and you duck under is elbow, making your escape.

“Herbology is my best subject,” Enzo says, trailing behind you.

“Ah, so you’re the Slytherin version of Neville Longbottom then eh?” You say with a grin as you watch him fill the pot with soil.

Enzo grimaces, making a face.

“No, I’m much better looking,” he says with a smirk.

Bloody self-aware bastard.

It only takes a few minutes for Enzo to bury the seeds in the soil and place several incantations over the dirt before he looks up at you with a triumphant grin.

“All good to go,” he says happily. “Though we should probably check back in daily to refresh the enchantments and such.”

You nod your head at the boy.

Over the course of the next few days, Enzo uses your time spent together to pick your brain for any morsel of information he could get out of you. He really was determined to be your friend apparently.

“What’s your favorite plant?” He asks you on the third day of your little meetings.

You tilt your head a bit in consideration.

“No, no, wait, I bet I can guess. Is it peonies? Your perfume is peony scented right?” He asks.

“Yeah, it is. Peony and vanilla,” you say, eyeing the boy suspiciously.

“Knew it,” he says, looking rather self satisfied.

“And yours?” You ask, leaning against the table to look up at him.

“Hmm?”

“What’s your favorite flower? Or plant that is.”

Enzo pauses for a moment, eyes flickering around the greenhouse for a moment before landing on you.

“I like roses.”

“Really?” You say, scrunching your nose a bit.

“I’m a romantic, what can I say?”

“Gross. That’s so cliche.” You tease, a small smile gracing your face.

As the days go on, your time spent in the greenhouse becomes longer and longer as you and Lorenzo banter about the ridiculous questions he’d come up with. Did owls have knees? Which house would win in hand to hand combat? Were Theodore and Daphne secretly hooking up in the fifth floor prefect’s bathroom? (The answer was yes.)

You were shocked to find that, while still a bit of a prat, Enzo really was rather smart and witty. As the days went on, it became easier and easier to open up to the boy until the two of you were talking like old friends.

It happened slowly. You really didn’t even notice at first. But by the second week, you found yourself looking forward to your daily meetings, and found yourself thinking of the handsome brunette when he wasn’t around, and you caught yourself staring at the boy a bit too long after he’d already looked away.

Over the years of being friends with Daph, you’d often been forced into the proximity of the boy. Always noting the way he’d easily move from one witch to the next, his charm never seeming to fail him. You had been so determined to make sure that you would never be one of those witches. Just another tally on Lorenzo’s ever growing list of conquests.

But it had happened. The unimaginable. The impossible. You were falling for Lorenzo Berkshire. No, this simply wouldn’t do you thought to yourself as you made the familiar trek to the greenhouse.

Your mind raced as you thought of ways to stop this madness. Maybe if you went back to pushing the boy away. Or if you just ignored him. Yes. If you just shut him out, these feelings would go away.

Sarcasm

The next several days for Lorenzo were miserable. And that was putting it nicely.

“She hates me!” Enzo wailed dramatically, hanging upside down off the edge of his bed.

It had been three days since your terrifying revelation in the green house, and Enzo was very convinced that he was going insane.

He could still remember clearly the day that Daphne had introduced him to her new friend after one fateful day in herbology. You had been so wicked smart, and kind, and funny, and your smile had melted his heart. He was pretty sure he’d been in love with you ever since. But he was lucky if you even acknowledged his presence most days.

“Can you blame her? Didn’t you send a flock of peacocks after her when we were all visiting Draco’s last year?” Mattheo asks, squinting at his friend.

“I thought it’d be romantic! How was I supposed to know they weren’t friendly?”

“There’s also that time in third year, you knocked her off her broom playing quidditch.” Draco adds, scowling at the memory of Enzo harassing the birds on his family’s property.

“I caught her after!” Enzo protests.

“She still sprained her wrist.”

“Oh yea. And then you tried to give her a kiss as an apology, but ended up with a nice bruise on your jaw instead,” Mattheo laughs.

Lorenzo wasn't going to lie, that was a particular sore spot for him.

“And let’s of course not forget the most recent offense. Trying to drown her in the lake. Thank Salazar I wasn’t there for that scene.” Blaise mutters.

Enzo winces.

After the incident at the lake, Enzo was sure he was done for. The look of pure rage in your eyes had felt as though you had stomped on his heart, and then cruciod it for good measure. But then you had accepted his apology and even agreed to start things over. Enzo had felt the first real burst of hope after four pitiful years of pining.

Sure he’d made some missteps over the years. As his friends so graciously enjoyed reminding him, but he meant well!

The two of you had talked. Laughed. He’d even allowed his hand to brush up against yours a time or two, delighted when you didn’t flinch away.

And then, as if the switch had flipped, it was back how it had been before. Enzo felt like he had whiplash with the way you had turned right back around to treating him like a total stranger.

Theo eyed his roommate with concern.

“Bloody hell, he’s worse than you pining over Daphne,” Mattheo mutters, jabbing an elbow into Theo’s rib cage, earning him a sharp glare.

“I don’t understand! Things were going so well! She was actually talking to me and everything, and now it’s like I’m right back at square one,” Enzo sighs, ignoring his bickering roommates.

“I don’t know what you’re expecting from us mate. You’re supposed to be the romantic one of the group. Though with your track record, I’m not sure why we’ve been taking your advice all these years. You’re a wreck.” Blaise says, matter of factly.

“You tried talking to Daph bout it?” Theo asks, not quite sure how to help his slightly delirious friend.

“Ask me about what?” Daphne asks, seemingly materializing in the doorway of the boys’ shared dormitory.

She makes her way into the room, face morphing into one of both concern and disgust as she takes in Enzo's distraught state.

Theo eyes his friend, as if to say “good luck mate.”

Dragging himself into an upright position, Enzo considers the girl in front of him. How had he not thought of it before? Y/n’s best friend had been at his disposal this entire time, and he’d never thought to simply ask her.

Lorenzo turns to look at Daphne.

“Daph?”

“Yes Enz?”

“Does y/n fancy anyone?” He asks, trying to sound as casual and nonchalant as possible.

Daphne raises a brow.

“If you’re trying to subtly ask if I happened to know of her feelings towards you, you’re doing a lousy job."

Enzo pouts, sticking out his bottom lip and honestly looking quite pathetic.

"For Salazar's sake, what happened?" Daphne huffs, making herself comfortable on Theo's bed, much to his delight.

“Enzo is down bad. Obviously.” Mattheo states.

Daphne shoots the boy a glare, rolling her eyes at the curly haired boy.

"We've been working in the green house together, and I thought things were going so well. She was talking to me, and laughing and everything.” Enzo says, falling back into his bed dramatically.

“Well then what’s the problem? You like her I thought.” Daphne replies with an annoyed huff.

“That’s just it isn’t it? It wasn’t a problem. But then suddenly, a few days ago, she went completely cold again. Like the last couple weeks never happened." he laments.

Daphne opens her mouth. Then closes it, shutting her eyes and taking a deep breath. For the love of- she loved you. Truly she did. But you were going to be the end of her.

“I’ll take care of this.” She announces, promptly rising from the bed just as Theo was about to sneak an arm around her.

He glowers at Enzo who gives him an apologetic grin.

Daphne had been your best friend for years at this point, and most of the time, she was convinced that she knew you better than you knew yourself. She wasn't blind. Or dumb for that matter. She knew that there were some strong feelings between you and Enzo, though she had never really bothered to figure out if they were positive or negative. Clearly she should've and all of this could have been avoided she thought wistfully to herself. At least this explained the strange tension between the two of you as of late.

“Y/n.” Daphne huffs, sitting next to you on a bench in the court yard.

“Daph,” you greet, looking up from your book.

“So, when were you going to tell me that you fancy Lorenzo?” She asks, staring you dead in the eye.

You feel your mouth gape like a fish out of water.

“Right Daph. Like I’d ever fancy that peacock.” You reply, doing your best to appear disdainful.

“Don’t you get an attitude with me.” Daphne responds. She’d always been able to see right through you. “Enzo told me everything. The chatting. The giggling. The immediate turn around as if nothing had happened. Textbook case of realizing you like someone while being emotionally constipated!” Daphne announces.

“Shhh!” You hush your friend, glancing around to make sure no one had noticed the scene. “You know that being mean and sarcastic is my only defense mechanism!” You hiss.

“Oh honestly y/n. We both know you won't be able to use that excuse forever.” Daphne says with a dramatic eye roll. “Besides, he likes you too. Why do you think he’s always preening when you’re around. He’s trying to impress you, you dolt.”

“Fantastic. He’s only a prat when I’m around. How romantic,” you mutter.

“Well you certainly didn’t think he was being a prat when you were spending all that time in the green house together. Don’t think I didn’t notice you two disappearing for several hours. No one is spending that much time every day looking at flowers.”

“We were just talking,” you defend.

“Mmhm. And then you stopped talking because you got scared and now Enzo is a wreck.”

You feel a pang of guilt. You hadn’t meant to hurt Enzo. You hadn’t thought that he actually might like you too.

“I’ll apologize tomorrow in class, I guess,” you mutter.

Daphne sighs.

“Look. I’m not saying that you have to date him, or even tell him you like him. But you’re both my friends, and I don’t like seeing either of you upset.”

“I know Daph. I’m just confused is all. I thought I hated him.”

“Well, I’ve always been told that the line between love and hate is fine.” Daphne replies.

Bloody hell, when had your friend become this philosophic?

“I’ll get it sorted tomorrow. Promise.” You tell her.

Daphne nods, giving you a comforting smile.

“Good. And word of advice. Drop the sarcasm, Enz might cry if you put him through anymore emotional whiplash.”

Acceptance

You sat nervously in the potions classroom having arrived close to fifteen minutes early as you couldn’t shake away your nerves. Glancing at the clock on the wall, your classmates should start filing in at any moment.

You’d finally managed to gather all the need ingredients for your potion, so today would be the day that you and Enzo would be able to brew your amortentia.

Your fingers twirled the stems of the roses you’d collected mindlessly as your thoughts buzzed between your conversation yesterday with Daphne, and the fluffy haired brunette boy that had taken up permanent residency in your every thought.

Remembering the silly game one of your roommates had played years ago, you began plucking the rose petals off of the stem, one by one. You were going to have to do it eventually anyway. He loves me, he loves me not, the phrase repeats in your mind.

“Look nervous,” A voice comments from behind you.

Startled out of your thoughts, you look up just in time to see Enzo take his seat beside you.

Clearing your throat, you give the boy a small smile.

“Just thinking about the potion. Not going to be an easy one to brew today, and I’d like to get a good mark,” you reply.

“Of course.” Enzo replies, a strained look on his face. “Wouldn’t want to waste any more of your time then.”

You open your mouth to reply, but close it again when no words come to mind. Instead, you opt to sweep your rose petals into a small pile and begin shaving off the rose thorns as Enzo wordlessly takes out the gold cauldron, lighting a fire beneath.

“So,” you say awkwardly, the deafening silence finally getting to you. “How bout that weather?”

You hear a clatter as Enzo drops pestle he was holding to look at you incredulously.

“I know some of my conversation attempts were bad, but that was downright criminal.” He says with a snort.

Unable to hold back your laughter, you let out a giggle. “Yeah, I’ll see myself to Azkaban for that one.”

And just like that, the two of you fall back into your comfortable rhythm of idle chatter, jokes, bickering as you work seamlessly together.

You can’t help but watch with silent admiration as Enzo dutifully stirs the cauldron, careful to keep even counter clockwise strokes. A few tendrils of soft brown hair fall in front of the boy’s face and he gently blows them to the side with an annoyed puff.

“Pearl dust?” He asks, reaching his hand out.

As you hand him the vial, your fingertips brush softly, and you feel heat rush to your cheeks. The heat from the cauldron must be really getting to you.

“If you just want to add the powdered moonstone, we should be all done,” Enzo says after a moment, taking a step back to allow you to complete the final step.

Slowly, you approach the boiling cauldron, carefully sprinkling in your meticulously measured moonstone powder. You stir the concoction a bit longer until you see a familiar pearlescent sheen and swirling tendrils of steam.

“Think we’ve done it,” you say with a smile, looking over at your partner.

He grins back, joining you in leaning over the steaming cauldron.

“Well? What do you smell?” He asks cheekily.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“We both take a wiff? On three?” Enzo asks.

You nod in agreement, watching the swirling colors within the cauldron. They say that amortentia smells like the things you’re most attracted to, and you’d always been curious what scents the potion would elicit for you.

“One, two, three.”

You lean in, and immediately you’re hit with the earthy scent of fresh soil, a soft hint of rose, and something else- oh. Oh. You feel your eyes widen.

“Peony. And vanilla.” Enzo murmurs, head still hovering above the cauldron before he turns to look at you.

The moment your eyes meet, you both know.

“I need a moment,” you mumble, hurrying out of the classroom.

As you rush past Daphne’s table, you hear the girl run after you into the corridor.

“What happened? Are you alright?” Daphne asks as the two of you come to a stop in a small alcove that’s somewhat hidden behind one of the many large stone statues that decorate the halls.

“It’s Lorenzo. My potion- it smells like Lorenzo. Or, it smells like fresh soil, and roses, and that stupid expensive cologne that he always wears,” you gasp, out of breath.

“Oh? And what did he smell?”

“Me. My perfume. Peonies and vanilla.”

“Well, that’s good then isn’t it? That you both smelled each other? I know when we talked yesterday I said you don’t necessarily have to tell the boy you fancy him, but, if you both really like each other that much. What’s the harm?” Daphne tries to reason.

“I don’t know! I just didn’t realize I liked him that much and it freaked me out. And I’ve been icing him out these past couple days, so he’s probably so cross with me. But he’s been so nice today, I don’t know what to do Daph. I’m not good with feelings. I was never going to act on anything!”

“Is that why you did all that? Back there?” A voice asks. “And why you’ve been acting strange the past several days?”

The two of you whip around to see Enzo staring wide eyed at the both of you, mouth slightly agape.

“I think I’d best let the two of you sort this out,” Daphne says, slipping out of the alcove and back into the classroom.

“I’m sorry, you weren’t meant to hear any of that,” you start as Enzo wordlessly approaches.

“You like me?” He asks once he’s close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off of him. He looks genuinely surprised at the notion as he stares down at you intensely.

You nod slowly. “Smelled you in that bloody potion,” you mumble.

Enzo’s smile falls.

“Is it that bad? Liking me?” He asks, hurt written across his face.

“No! No it’s not! I just thought I didn’t like you- no, that’s not what I meant. I was surprised that I fancied you is all, and didn’t know what to do. Because we’ve know each other so long, and we haven’t necessarily always gotten along. And I didn’t really realize I liked you at first, and I got all freaked out and then I panicked, and-“

“Y/n, can I kiss you?” Enzo asks, interrupting your rambling.

You freeze, looking up at the boy in front of you.

“Yes please,” you murmur.

Without wasting another moment, Enzo’s lips meet yours with a hunger and passion you didn’t realize the boy had in him.

Any last trace of doubt or worry you had disappears as his soft lips move against yours, melting you into him like putty in his hands.

Right as you’re about to run out of air, you feel Enzo’s lips trail off to your cheek, placing gentle kisses as he trails down to your jaw, and then your neck.

“Enz,” you mumble softly as you feel the warm, sucking sensation against your skin in the crook of your neck.

“Shh,” he whispers, lips meeting yours once more.

You feel yourself getting lost in the sensation as he moves against you until Daphne’s voice brings you back to reality once more.

“Just so you’re both aware, we are still in class,” she calls from around the corner.

You feel your cheeks heat up as Enzo lets out a soft laugh above you.

“Rest assured love, we will be coming back to this later,” he says before placing a kiss on your forehead and leading you back into the classroom.

If there’s one thing about me, it’s that I’ll take any excuse to write a cheesy amortentia fic🤪

Special thanks to @finalgirllx and @pizzaapeteer for editing and rvwing🫶🏽

[elfwreck]

heyo, i was looking through the proship communities bcs i have a question and saw you run one?

i don’t rlly consider myself anti or pro, but one of my issues with the proship community the fact that real children in public fandom spaces can see it? im aware that you tailor your own internet experience, don’t like don’t read, etc, and i agree with that mindset and abide by it, its just that when it comes to kids coming across proship communities they don’t really know better and can get like, fetishes and stuff related to it. i was just wondering how the proship community really feels about that. don’t feel pressured to answer btw, im just curious.

The first thing to be aware of, is that "proship" does not mean "extreme kink and explicit sex and abusive relationships." It means, "in favor of a non-censorship approach to fiction."

Which does not mean "it's fine if small children read explicit sexual content." It means, "it is not the job of the WRITER to prevent children from reading fiction that's not age-appropriate to them." It's the job of their parents to manage their media intake.

Parents should have help - which is why AO3 has a warning for "this work could have adult content" on M and E fics, why they have required warnings for gore and non-con, among other topics. But it's not AO3's job to prevent kids from ignoring those warnings; it's the parents' job to steer their kids towards age-appropriate reading material.

(When my kids were under 18, I told them some parts of the internet were off-limits. And because my kids trusted me - because we'd had talks about why - they agreed not to visit those parts of the web. Parents who don't have that degree of trust can invest in software that can restrict some of the internet.) (I will happily provide the same kind of support for other people's kids. I will not provide support based on the morals of strangers. If they want me looking out for their kids, they get to deal with my ethics.)

The proship community I run on tumblr is not age-restricted, because we're not talking about anything that's inappropriate for 13-year-olds to see. (That's the youngest age allowed on Tumblr; if there are younger kids than that, that's outside of my scope to manage.) We talk about the arguments against censorship, and sometimes about the poor logic some antis use. Sometimes we talk about the history of censorship in fandom - what's changed, and what hasn't. Sometimes we talk about the terminology involved.

Most people who are proship are not involved in "extreme kink" discussions. Many don't like extreme kink or sexual content at all - they just don't think it's a problem if other people do. For those people who do like that kind of content, they're not looking to entice kids into joining their interests - they want to talk with people who already share them.

And while most actively labeled "proship" servers have a channel for extreme kinky/horny content - that's locked to 18+ people, and nobody's trying to sneak kids into those channels.

Nobody is picking up fetishes because they saw a post online. At most, they are discovering an interest they already had but didn't know how to name. And if they discover it in a kink-friendly community, they can learn about the risks involved, what's safe and what's not, and how to acknowledge a potential interest years before it's safe to try practicing it. If they are kept away from all "extreme" content, they can wind up hurt by trying something without knowing the risks, or running into predators because they're desperate for information and acceptance.

They are far safer if they know there are communities that say, "there are some people who are into this thing, and some who enjoy reading about it but don't want to do it in real life, and some who just want to ponder it at a distance from both of those - and all of those are okay." (...Assuming the kink in question is something like fisting or bondage, not necrophilia or breathplay, which are both in the category of "actually do NOT do this in real life; if the idea of this gets you off, stick to text and pictures about it.")

But most proship communities are not sex-ed communities; they're just people who like some kinds of fiction. And the reaction to new people is not "you should JOIN US in our omegaverse breeding kink cbt omorashi fic exchange" - it's "here's the list of kinks in our upcoming fic event - if you don't like all of these, please don't bother joining."

There is a very solid "Don't like? Don't read!" ethic in the actively proship communities. Nobody's trying to entice kids into reading or writing kinky stories.

[cushfuddled]

When I first started shoveling Jayvik fanfic into my mouth a month and a half ago, I was shocked and delighted at the avalanche buffet of top Viktor and dom Viktor content. But I've started to feel like the detective who kneels down and touches some footprints in the dirt like, "Something happened here..."

Because I can't remember the last time I saw a fanon concept become...so ubiquitous? Even in fics where Viktor bottoms, he's a power bottom/topping from the bottom. Spotting a fic with an overwhelmed sub bottom Vik in the Ao3 tag feels a bit like the moment a snow leopard graces your Himalayan trail cam.

I DO NOT mean to suggest anyone "should" write more inexperienced/bottom/sub Viktor! It's just...as someone who likely missed whatever ancient discourse might've plagued the Arcane fandom years hence, I've been through this fandom song and dance enough times to recognize the smell of...what say, capital-O Obligation.

I just want people to know they can write whatever kind of fanfic they want. That's the point of this post. I hope someone somewhere reads this and feels emboldened to let loose/goof off/get freaky/whatever.

Because I can see why people would feel Obligated to portray Viktor as a top/dom/the sexually experienced one. He's physically disabled and chronically ill. Ableism so often takes the form of paternalism and infantilization. There's this pervasive notion that disabled people don't have sex. People think we're too "pure" for sex, or assume we're "undesirable" as romantic partners/that our physical or mental disabilities would make sex impossible. With that cultural context, it's a radical act for so many people to come together and choose to portray Viktor—a disabled, terminally ill man who struggles with suicide ideation—as a sexually experienced top.

One of the hardest things about being disabled/ill is the lack of control. You can't plan for the future; you don't know whether your pain levels will be better tomorrow or demand another trip to the ER; your life is totally in the hands of overworked doctors who don't care about you. So it feels kind of like an act of reclamation to put Viktor in a dominant position. In a safe, sane, consensual arrangement, all parties have control over the situation, but with topping and/or domming comes the Role of authority/power. Making Viktor an experienced, sly top/dom gives back Viktor's autonomy and agency.

So yeah. I get why this trend is pervasive within the fandom! It's fantastically subversive. I just hope nobody feels like they HAVE to fall into this dynamic.

I remember a Tumblr post from years ago where someone described the drawbacks of a supposedly "feminist retelling" of Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, wherein the heroin saves herself by her own strength and wits. This, I would argue, is a perfectly fine story to tell...but its lack of intersectionality betrays a shallow definition of feminism. In casting those retold fairy tales in a feminist, "empowering" light, one ignores the realities of the people who found escapism in those helpless damsels.

In a paradoxical way, when my MCAS knocked me flat on my ass for two years, I was always out of control of my life AND forced to take control all the time. All those overworked, traumatized, apathetic doctors meant I had to be my own patient advocate. I had to do my own research; figure out which treatment plans made the most sense; find doctors who took my insurance and could see me within six months; argue with Medicaid when they didn't want to pay for one of the drugs I'd been prescribed; find new and creative ways to feed myself when my body reacted like it was allergic to everything other than water and Cheerios. And god, I had to self-police myself all the time. At the doctor's office, you have to look sick enough that they believe you when you say you're hurting, but you don't want to seem TOO sick because the desperation will make the doctor diagnose you with "hysterical woman" (or they'll just assume you're fishing for drugs). At home, you want to project some amount of strength so you don't worry your loved ones or make yourself too much of a "burden." (You also don't want to have to manage other people's anxiety on top of your own.) My disability (autism) and chronic illness (MCAS) are invisible, but I imagine there's a lot of masking that goes into navigating public spaces with a visible disability/illness, too.

So...when everything's this constant battle for control—when you're forced to project strength every day regardless of your pain level—of course some people are going to find relief in stories where they're allowed to shut down. I think it's important to let disabled characters be vulnerable and overwhelmed and even dependent on someone else, because as often as disabled and chronically ill people are infantalized, so too are we expected to "overcome" our disabilities/illnesses through miracles of resilience and cunning. We're pushed to perform strength, cheer, and "normalcy" for the public, who find our disabilities "sad" and "uncomfortable." Every time someone refuses to put on a mask, or a relative tells us to simply get more exercise, or a politician rails against "wellfare queens," or a bus route gets cut or a bench gets removed or our doctors hand-wave our symptoms, our world reinforces the message that we are Too Much; that our needs are exorbitant, our very existence a drain on society. So many of us throw ourselves into self-sabotaging grasps at independence. We work ourselves far past our limits to prove we aren't a burden on society. We refuse help just to maintain that tiny sense of control over our lives.

I find it deeply comforting to read stories where ill and disabled characters are...allowed to be helpless, I guess. To break the fuck down and let someone else finally take the reigns for a while—to lift some of that burden off their shoulders. I love when ill and disabled characters trust someone enough to take off that heavy armor, revealing the pain and weakness beneath the facade they were forced to take up to survive, and are rewarded with warmth and reassurance and care.

At a certain point...is it not a little ableist in itself, to restrict a disabled, chronically ill character to one specific role? To essentially lock them out of a position where they're allowed to relinquish control and be taken care of?

In essence,

Disabled and chronically/terminally ill people are not a monolith. As I always say, what offends one person will uplift another. It's an uncomfortable reality, but there's really no such thing as perfect representation. I think part of intersectionality is being willing to accept that multiple things can be true at once, because everyone's lived reality is different. It's absolutely fine to prefer one trope over another. But if I find a fanfic offensive or uncomfortable, I can always click the back button with the knowledge that there's almost certainly someone out there who'll find that same so-called problematic content empowering. Whether fic writers prefer top Viktor, power bottom Viktor, bottom Viktor, switch Viktor, sub Viktor, dom Viktor, experienced Viktor, virgin Viktor, omega vs. alpha Viktor, and every niche in between...I just hope they go where their heart tells them and write what they want.

[nothorses]

I noticed that you reposted something that is along the lines of proship

I agree with leaving media alone but I think its incredibly disgusting when people ship, for example siblings, because what it feels to me is that they have an incest fetish or something

I know just because someone writes about murder doesnt mean they support it, and I believe that. but usually when people write about murder it's in a negative context, obviously showing how it is so incomprehensible to outsiders about how someone could do that, or showing how we need to get these people help.

trying to apply this to, for example, incest, if someone ships an incestuous relationship then it seems like it would be in a good context, and it seems like they support it should it be in real life. that's how I view this all. (itd be different if they shipped siblings as a strange headcanon and talking about how it's bad... this reasoning I can understand the most to the point where I can let myself ignore it)

how am I supposed to learn to not care? especially when they are really outward about it?

okay.

I do not participate in shipping discourse because I do not participate in shipping. I'm not really In Fandom anymore like, generally. I don't... care.

Because of this I had literally no idea what you were referring to in this ask. I had to scroll. So far back. To get to this post, which also doesn't refer to shipping discourse.

I also have not talked about incest here, and the post in question doesn't talk about incest.

It's about murder. And gore. Which you say here is fine.

Literally why did you send me this ask.

And like... there's a fair chance this is just bait, and there's also enough of a chance that you're genuinely asking that, like, fuck it. I'm gonna get shit no matter what I do, so I may as well try to do a little good.

You use the words "feels" and "seems" a lot in this ask. And I'm really glad you did, actually, because I think it's honest; you're operating on your feelings and assumptions, and that's really important to keep in mind.

And your feelings on this are valid! It's normal to be uncomfortable with certain content, and it's normal to not want to see or engage in it. You don't need to feel any differently about those things. You don't have to consume incestuous content, you don't have to be okay with it, and you don't have to be around it.

But ask yourself: you assume that other people engaging in this content means they support it in real life, but what if they don't? What if you're wrong?

Maybe they're saying it's wrong in a way you're just not picking up on, or that you don't recognize. Maybe they aren't saying it's wrong; maybe it's in the context. Maybe it's in a genre trope in a genre you're not familiar with. Maybe it's irony or satire that you aren't picking up on. Maybe they aren't saying it at all, but that's still what they think, and they just chose not to put it in that content for... who knows what reason. Maybe they're literally just bad at writing.

What then?

Sometimes you're going to feel or assume that something is going on, and you're just gonna be wrong. And you could ask who's fault that is- did you fail to pick up on something you should have been able to, or did they fail to communicate it well enough?- but like, what are you going to do with that information?

Sometimes people are not very good at literary analysis, and sometimes people are not very good at writing, and that's just part of learning. Do we tell everyone not to attempt to talk about certain topics unless they're "good enough" to do it "right"? How do we know when someone's "good enough", and how do they get to that point without practice? Do we just ban those topics altogether? What topics do we ban- where's the line? How do we enforce it? How do we prevent that from being weaponized against marginalized people?

Anon, you asked me how you can "not care" about these things existing. And I think that's a valid question; you feel there is injustice, and you want to stop it. That can be a very noble impulse, and it can be harnessed for a lot of good.

But it can also be really, really toxic- not just to the people you hurt because you act on assumptions and impulses that are incorrect, but to yourself. You can't control everything. You can't control how other people feel, whether or how they engage in certain topics, or what they do or say. You just can't. And trying, or wanting to try, or thinking you should try- it's going to drive you nuts.

So here's how not to care:

Remind yourself that you might be wrong. Take a moment to think about all the things you don't know for certain, and the things you would need to know to be absolutely, 100% sure that you're right.

Consider how important this is to you. How close is this person to you? How important is this issue? What would it feel like to let this go- would it continue to impact you? Do you have other options? (removing yourself from the situation, blocking tags/posts/people, etc.)

Consider what you can do, and what you should do. Think about the tools at your disposal, the power you have in this situation, and how likely this person is to listen to you. Think about whether those tools are ethical. Again, what if you're wrong? Is there any reason you might regret your actions?

If you still feel like it's worth addressing, start by asking questions. Make sure you really know what's going on, and if (and when) the situation changes with new information, walk through this process again. Repeat back what you believe is happening until they confirm that you're right, decide again whether this is worth it, and then proceed.

Sometimes it's more effective to just vent to someone else, or to make a post about the issue generally without confronting that person- especially considering your assumptions might be wrong! Maybe it's worth it to talk about what you thought was happening, but you don't know that what you thought was happening is what was actually happening. You can still talk about it, just, y'know, without making it an attack on someone else.

And again, I don't give a shit about fandom discourse. This is important to me because these are themes that crop up in regular-ass media all the time, and disagreements that crop up in regular-ass relationships with friends and family and loved ones. I think it's important that people have the skills to navigate disagreements, unintentional harm, and perceived slights in healthy, productive ways.

You can't live your whole life demanding that everyone agree with you on everything, or blaming other people for everything you misinterpret or assume incorrectly. You cannot assume that everything that hurts you was designed to hurt you. You can recognize that these are assumptions and feelings, and that's great! And I hope you're being honest when you say that you want to learn to let things go.

[smalltestaccount]

okay i think ive come to the conclusion that i dont really fit in with most other trans women, like personality wise, and thats okay. Like i think recently a lot of trans women, not just on tumblr, have been making me think i have to be kinky and bizarre or something, be blasé about transitioning or gender roles, or even just like be okay with some borderline harassing behavior. Its okay if that is you (except the harassing behavior some of yall need to work on that), but like thats not really me. Acting this way just makes me feel bad. Just ignoring that Im a total straightedge, that im like a 1 on the Kinsey scale now. Ever since i was like 11 my biggest desire is just like being a normal cis girl. I always am happiest embracing basic American femininity, and i only just re-realized this after after it helped me get out of a depressive episode (along with antidepressants and an increased estrogen dose). I don't care if im "enforcing gender roles", because i fucking love female gender roles (in modern American culture) cause they make me feel like not-a-piece-of-shit. Also i don't strictly adhere to many anyways. And i just don't think terfs would have any issues with cis girls who love the color pink, flowers, being boy crazy, and dreaming about being a mother. So like why should I feel like its wrong to like that stuff? I don't think there is anything wrong with it. And you know if you don't have that relationship with gender that is fine, you need to do what makes you happy, that's why feminism exists. I'm just saying I don't want to pretend like my personality is something that really just makes me uncomfortable.

I dont like when people here imply being a trans woman entails being sexual cause like i just want to be normal and that stereotype is harmful, especially to transgender children who are really likley to be targeted for some kind of sexual abuse because theyre trans and being trans is already sexualized more than it needs to be. Adults can navigate that to some extent, but not kids; I couldnt really navigate that when i started transitioning in middle school and im lucky it only stayed online. Trying to even somewhat fit in with tumblrs idea of trans women has made me encounter tranny porn on my dash and whenever i post images of myself I'm followed by gross accounts that just reblog that stuff . A lot of trans women don't hate it, because sex work is very much as part of the trans community. But honestly, seeing trans women be treated in those ways just makes me feel bad for the actresses and sick about myself and very dysphoric.

Im not saying that you cant express kinkiness and hyper-sexuality, because I dont want to dictate how you act any more than i want you to be dictated on how I act. But I also want to encourage thoughfulness in what you say. Saying you, yourself, is kinky and weird, is not that same as saying trans *girls* are kinky and weird. In the same way I'm not going to reblog tradwife content, I don't think its productive to make an "all tgirls be kinky" post. You shouldn't try to paint that image of other trans women.

As its the first day of june I'll just tie it up by saying that not all trans people fit into one personality and if you want to show support its best not to suggest trans women all act a certain way, and please don't think talking about "gock" is a good way to show support. This isn't a "kink at pride" discourse post in the very slightest cause I don't, and never have, given any shits about that, cause I've never been to pride. This is just me talking about how I fit into the trans community.

Im Alexa and I'm going to reblog and post shit i like, not what other people like or expect. That Includes not doing tummy tuesday cause i really only briefly did it out of fomo and peer pressure. And please don't say things about me that you wouldnt say about other women

[goobleck0]

hi okay a friend sent me a twitter post of yours and i just HAD to send you an ask. im not gonna say my account but i personally identify w/ the profic label and am active in the proship community, so ignore my ask if you'd like, but i am genuinely just. so curious.

in the post im referring to, you say that you wish that portraying toxic and/or abusive relationships in fiction wasn't stigmatized by proshippers writing about them with sexual intent, because they are extremely interesting to explore. but i'd like to inform you that that actually is what proshipping is! and especially profic. i consider proship as more of an anticensorship identity than anything else - ship and let ship, live and let live, write and let write.

of course, many do write sexual things w/ those relationships, but i don't see why that's a bad thing. i assume that you mean that profic writers writing about sexual concepts poisons the public perception of these abusive relationships, but i don't think that's a fair perspective. puritans will always be puritan, no matter what you are doing. you can't appeal to them enough to be good enough for them - you just have to be yourself.

if you just generally see writing something for sexual gratification bad, then i can't agree at all. that would be a very puritan perspective and actively harmful to free speech and the freedom to write what you desire. and, really, THAT is what proshipping is. it just so happens that many people desire writing things with sexual themes. that's just how people are - sexual themes are interesting in the same way that dark themes are, as a facet of the range of human experience. it might surprise you to learn that a lot of my fellow proship/profic writers who write about sexual themes are actually asexual themselves, and I am on the asexual/aromantic spectrum.

also, i too am autistic, and i too have a fascination with exploring dark themes in media. i consider myself an academic, and i want to become an author in the future. the things that i write now are dark fiction, and they would be considered "proshipping" because they portray dark ships. i never intend to stop writing what i do. i intend to continue writing dark fiction, and to publish it, even if it includes sexual themes, because that is contained within the spectrum of human experience and i believe it is incredibly important to portray. in fact, that would be a necessity to include in stories of many abusive relationships, which often contain degrees of sexual abuse.

if you want to post this, go ahead. if you just read it, that's fine! if you want to reply to it privately you can dm onthelamby and they can put u through to me

I wasn't going to (seriously) respond to this initially, but I agree with most aspects of your take here.

I am a huge on anti-censorship and free speech, always have been. and, I would even consider myself "proship", if the label still meant what it did during its early days. I love to see the portrayal of taboo topics in writing and other forms of art, especially by other victims. but, a lot of the proship community today has made itself into something else entirely, I fear.

as you said, you're profic yourself. and being in the community, it's very difficult to see how it is seen by outsiders. a lot of the proship community that is seen by antis are shotacon, pedos, and things of the like, I don't know the terms... I will give it to you that these people give your community a horrible wrap. the content that these people consume and produce are so damning and make genuine, educational and interesting dark-fiction hard to find for people like me that are into exploring the topics at hand.

I will never be against exploring taboo topics in media, fics where abuse happen, explicit or not, can AND SHOULD be in the mainstream. something like lolita (Vladimir Nabokov), for example, is exactly what I'm talking about, even if this work was misconstrued as something praising the topics at hand. that is what I like to see, that is what should be read and spread around! however, a lot of what I see nowadays are less like lolita and more pornography.

I am not against pornography, but that is not a media that should not explore serious topics. browsing ao3, I often see fics where characters are just abused for no reason other than the idea of the abuse being sexy. that is something I will never, ever support. that is where the stigma comes from, works that explore dark topics in such a way that promote, endorse, and support them.

several people in this community stay in their eco-chambers where they only dig themselves deeper into their trauma by consuming and creating meaningless, nothingburger abuse pornography. I want art, I want things that create a message and spread awareness. I don't want content that purposefully gives even one person the idea that these topics are erotic.

I'm sorry if I repeat myself in this, I don't normally lock in this hard on discourse posts, lol...

[antimony-medusa]

honestly yeah u make a really good point in ur mcyt rpf post. i was Also the person bemoaning how mcyt defaults into vbrpf tags and that there isn't a separate set, but then i realized like. i spent Years writing fic about the roosterteeth crew, which all fell in a very similar gray area like mcyt. like looking at shit like fake ah crew fic, the characters written about there are very obviously separate from the real life people, but also they are intrinsically linked. the characters don't exist without the people. and even though we were all in fandom talking and writing about them like playing with dolls, it was still like... yeah okay this fits under the rpf umbrella still. i never questioned it then, or was bothered about it not being a separate tag set, because it didn't feel necessary. which is really the same situation with mcyt!! its just that for any number of reasons, mcyt fandom in particular tends to have a very loud and very vehement group that think rpf as a whole is abhorrent and doesn't even want to be clocked anywhere close to it. which like honestly thats a personal issue at that point, thats not on everyone else to deal with, and certainly not on ao3 to sort out.

Yeah like I think RPF has a bad reputation because of some very obvious bad actors who've behaved badly in the past that the whole internet knows about, and especially because MCYT was kind of the butt of the joke and hatred for a lot of social media sites, a lot of people were eager to emphasize that they weren't behaving like that, it was fine, they were being totally normal (and they had the creator's permission, hence the boundaries discourse and the twitter cancellations for anything "weird"), and nobody should hate them cause they totally weren't like those weirdos.

And that's a really understandable reaction to try and do, I also have gone into the comments of bracket polls and seen hate, but that also ignores that the vast majority of RPF is a) not actually hurting anyone b) is not any more egregious in its content than any other fandom c) Is not inherently weirder to the creators than anyone who avidly follows their social media and shows up at their meet and greet and like— tts them stuff. We've all seen people TTS stuff that should NOT have been said in view of the creators, but the vast majority of it is perfectly fine. I very much think we shouldn't be showing RPF to the creators, and because the boundary is thin for MCYT I extend that to thinking that there's a WHOLE bunch of stuff that we shouldn't be showing to the creators— from gore to shipping to nsfw to aging down family dynamics to stuff about people they've lost— but I don't think that reacting with a horrified gasp to anyone saying "oh yeah rpf" is actually necessary. Or heck, if you were watching twitchcon vids and you want to straight up write tagged-as-RPF, go with god, I don't think that's inherently any weirder than people who go to twitchcon to meet streamers. You like them a lot and you want to rotate them mentally and get a picture with them, that's like, fine. As long as we keep it in fandom spaces and don't make the streamers feel weird cause we're showing them it, you're just doing what people who got really into polygon videos over the pandemic did, or historians who write historical RPF about their ancient blorbos, or whatever. it's fine.

Particularly cause what I write is mostly aus, I've had to wrestle with the question of if what I'm writing is RPF, and I think it's (usually) not, I can tell in my head when I'm thinking streamers or when I'm thinking characters, but like, we're talking *really* fine distinctions at points. If someone thinks that it's RPF it's not an insult to me, I can tell how they get there, and me reacting like it IS an insult is kind of rude to my fandom neighbours who are writing Gamechanger RPF where they design their own challenges cause they just have so much fun with the show, you know?

Some of this is just that I'm in my 30s and I'm tired of fandom policing, I can coexist with a lot of shit if you just tag it appropriately so I can filter it if I need to. For the holiday exchange last year we had no RPF as a rule not because I had an issue with it, but because the form to get the information for it would have been literally two hundred checkboxes long and I didn't want to do that to my spreadsheets.

I kind of drifted from your point there, but yeah, I think MCYT is legitimately in a blurry spot when it comes to if it's RPF or not, but that's not something I think we need to get all up in arms about, and we certainly don't need to, as I saw someone recommend we all do, file a ticket with Ao3 to remove MCYT tags from Video Blogging RPF.

[wizisbored]

wip wednesday fills for 16th october

rabies time @zyrafowe-sny, @hurricanebreeze, @somefishycat

About a quarter-hour later, Ballister emerges from the bathroom to the sound of running water. He follows the sound to the kitchen. And there’s a pink doe, standing with her head in the sink under the running tap.

“...I take it you haven’t developed hydrophobia yet?” is the only response he can come up with.

“As long as I don’t think about drinking it, it’s fine,” Nimona says flatly. She doesn’t look at him.“Is the fever getting that bad?” He approaches her cautiously - her demeanour feels… off. Hard to say if her lacking energy is just that foreign a concept, or if it’s something else.

in case of emergency, break glass @kallisto-k, @whimsicalmeerkat, @kalira, @enigma-the-mysterious @loyal-house-of-lupin,

@1attheedge, @post-and-out

“Did I say that? I don’t think I said that.”

“You’re not being clever.” She throws the bag onto her back - a little more roughly than necessary - and heads for the stairs.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Can’t you tell I care so, so deeply about all the poor little souls you’ve locked away?”

“But not the live child being forced to track down ghosts, right?”

“Exactly. Fuck the kid.”

“You’re just saying this to upset me.”

“Is it working?”

“No.”

She shoves open the door to her sad little bedroom-cell, snatching up her handbook and camera to shove in the front pocket of the backpack and grabbing the mirror to check her face. No visible bruises. So she stomps back down the stairs to get her shoes on and wait for Otho; the quicker she can get out the door the quicker they’ll get to the job and the quicker it will be over, and then her life can go back to its regular, boring level of terrible.

Otho looks just as happy as the two captives when he arrives and asks about the backpack. He instructs Lydia to toss it into the back seat, which she does with pleasure and a little more force than necessary. The noise Beetlejuice makes is satisfyingly offended.

“It’s an old house some woman supposedly died in,” Otho says as they pull away. “They’ve been having odd noises and things moved around.”

“Gathering intel on the next victim?” Beetlejuice pipes up from the back. Lydia ignores them both, attention solidly on the window. It’s just beginning to rain outside.

laboratory four @quietly-sleeping, @cataclysmic-writer, @oriharaizayadividesintoslytherin

Again, she listens at the door before she risks opening it. No footsteps. No breathing. No faint muttering of a man to himself. With one last check up and down the hall, she lets herself in.

Emma keeps her eyes off the cage and the table, making a beeline for the pocket-sized computer that serves simply to write audio files to a hard drive. She feels an awful sense of deja vu as she sets her laptop on the counter and plugs in that drive. Part of her is screaming that she’s making a mistake doing it here, that she should be taking this back to her room to edit, but that would require another round trip to return the drive to the lab. Best to just get in and out as quickly as possible. Her own recorded voice, trapped and terrified, echoes horribly around the room.

eldrich madness @eriquin, @tamsinswriting, @sourb0i, @stonemaskedtaliesin

The aching, bloody hole in his heart was filled with something soft, for a moment. A fleeting, beautiful moment. And then it wasn’t. Then it was just a hole.

“I’m sorry, Pumpkin. I’m sorry, I don’t know how.”

“There were shapes, weren’t there? The big white shapes that- they were almost a spiral but they weren’t, they just went back and back and… I’ve been trying to draw them. I can’t. I can’t get them right and then Adam asks to see but it’s not like he’s gonna know, is he?! I don’t need his help, I need you.”Charles gently cradles the girl’s face in his hands. God, she’s so little.

be right back @auburnlaughter, @asha10100101010, @adhdavinci

She noses the fridge open, assessing the contents briefly before pulling out a bag of shredded cheese. By the time the boss catches up to her she’s laid stretched out leisurely on the floor, her whole head shoves in the cheese bag as the fridge beeps to be shut. He pushes it closed.

“You better be prepared to finish that,” he says. “I’m not putting wolf-slobber cheese back in the fridge.”

“You doubt my ability to eat an entire bag of cheese?”

He chuckles. “Are you going to have room for a more substantial breakfast, too?”

“Boss, I could eat several horses.”

“Noted. Remind me to never bring you to work with me.”

[mimibwi]

Unpopular(?) BTS shipping opinions

These are some random points I wanted to talk about regarding shippers and my opinion on some specific ship moments:

1. The most likely possibility is that no ship is real in a romantic way.

We really should start swallowing that cause people might die… I genuinely don’t get how some of you would rather die before accepting the fact that your ship probably aren’t dating, they aren’t friends with benefits or exes or whatever narrative it is being pushed these days. If we’re looking at this seriously (and I am saying this as a shipper who likes to explore the possibility of my ship being romantic) those boys are most likely just friends, coworkers, family at the end of the day.

I mean obviously the possibilities for any ship being romantic still exists but I just don’t think shippers should be as confident as they are that their or any ship really between the boys is romantic or sexual. I can’t explain this well because I genuinely am not against shipping but I just think some people are incapable of doing anything casually— that’s problematic.

2. None of us know who is actually close and who isn't, especially not right now.

The little they share with us right now isn’t enough to prove anything. We have no clue who sees or calls each other and that's fine. Why are shippers so quick to push the X and Y are drifting apart thing? Nothing much seems to have changed between the ships themselves but the content we get and the member’s approach to social media has changed. I think this is how things have been for the most part on the social media front for a long time. Whilst the guys have been known for their use of social media in the past, they got the paper award for a reason lol, I think they have been gradually reducing their use for a while now so none of their behavior in chapter two is really striking to me. The only thing that really has changed is the lack of constant in flow of BTS OT7 or subunit content.

The lack of this type of content is what makes it seem like members aren’t close because shippers and other fans have no other content to distract themselves when the boys don’t post on social media, even though they are posting or not posting the same amount than before chapter 2 started. In other words, social media interactions have never been the sole indicator to determine the status of anyone’s relationship much less the boys. What shippers usually focused on in chapter one were clips from Bangtan bombs, ITS, BVs, Run, Memories, Summer/Winter packages etc. but with the lack of that now it seems like some ships aren’t close anymore when that probably isn’t the case. It’s obvious that they don’t spend as much time together anymore but that was the entire point of the hiatus and chapter 2: for them to branch out and do their own thing. However, that doesn’t take away much because if you have ever had long term friendships like the ones Bangtan have, you will know that those are the ones where you can go months without meeting up regularly and still be close as ever once you get back together.

I’m ranting but all this to say I don’t see what many of you do when it comes to “drifting apart” narratives cause there isn’t much to go off of.

3. 'Letter' is not about Jungkook.

Not gonna even speak too much on it. I'm sorry for my fault— not really😐

4. Matching clothes or accessories doesn't always mean something (to me).

Yes those moments are cute but it isn't that significant in my opinion, especially if it's matching for a stage or anything for work cause those outfits don't seem to be completely their choice sometimes.

5. None of the boys are intentionally malicious to each other.

They don't see, intentionally ignore and then do things that would directly result in hate towards the other members. Yes, I am talking about Taehyung. I will never get over the fact that some of you basically think Taehyung is admin of every Taekooker group chat out there. So many of you are CONVINCED that this man sees everything toxic Taekookers do and say. Even if Tae does browse ARMY spaces sometimes, who are you to tell me what he does and doesn’t see.

This isn’t really a shipper conversation but pjms and some ARMYs attitude to Yoongi regarding scheduling can also fall under here too. I won’t spend too much time on this because it falls under a subset of BTS related things I don’t like entertaining i.e. their work decisions. It really isn’t mine or any of our places to speak on in my opinion. These conversations are very manti-coded and they’re almost never productive so I’ll move along swiftly.

6. Not every shipper from a toxic shipper fandom is toxic.

This is probably the one and only time I’ll defend some shippers but you can’t group everyone like that. Even if most of the shipper fandom are a bit much, it isn’t any individual shipper’s fault their co-shippers are toxic. It’s sad bro. I feel more sorry for them to be honest like they’re living with psych ward escapees, it’s scary out here. Though this kinda contradicts with this point, I think that’s the reason why these huge toxic fandoms continue to get bigger. I can imagine it’s difficult not to get enveloped and start sharing those opinions when you’re surrounded by them all the time. I still maintain that not all of them are like that though and along those same lines majority non-toxic fandoms also have some rotten eggs. Anyway, non-toxic taekookers and jikookers I’m rooting for you. Fighting!!🥺

7. On the contrary of that last point, I think some non-toxic or seemingly unproblematic shippers reinforce or enable the behavior of the toxic ones.

It’s a very rare occurrence to see these seemingly non-toxic shippers calling out toxic behavior from the co-fandom. I kinda get why so I am not completely blaming yall because I can understand why you may not want to be at odds with the masses. However, I think it’s problematic because some of you start making excuses for their behavior even if you don’t share their opinions or exhibit that behavior yourself. This reinforces and spreads these narratives to more people who now feel justified to make the same comments or act the same way because of all the excuses.

8. Toxic shippers are the same thing in different fonts.

All of you claim your groups are better than each other but turn around and act the same exact way. You hate on members for the same reasons and push many of the same narratives. I really don’t care to say or call out whose worst because all of you are bad in my eyes. I definitely am not kekeke-ing with toxic, delusional shippers about other toxic, delusional shippers being toxic and delusional. Some of y’all are so quick to call out other shippers but it’s crickets when it’s your co-fandom exhibiting the same exact behavior.

9. Shippers are the reason some ships aren’t talked about more—

Take this with a grain of salt because these ships are talked about quite a lot despite all of this. I have seen shippers from very big, majority toxic shipper fandoms say “ARMYs aren’t talking about x ship but if it was y ship they would be celebrating” and I am really sorry to say this but your big, majority toxic shipper fandom is sometimes the reason why. It is really sad and I am not encouraging or defending any of this but it is evident that many people refrain from talking about some ships because they don’t want to be associated with the shippers or attract those shippers into their spaces.

It’s also frustrating because many times the distaste for certain shippers and even solos translates as hate towards that ship or that member and most times that isn’t the case. There are cases where shippers’ behavior actually produces disdain towards the member’s relationship and even the individual members. This point is one I don’t support in any regard because if you present yourself as a fan of these men, there is no reason why random people’s behavior on the internet should interfere with that. I’ve expressed this here before but fandom behavior should not reflect on the boys. Although I do wish we all acted in a way that will be a good reflection of them especially in online spaces, that isn’t always the case unfortunately:(.

10. Jimin didn't give Jungkook a hickey.

And even if you argue "sure friends bite each other on the neck scoffs", it's hard for me to take that moment seriously /especially/ if you are looking at it from a ‘jikook are dating’ perspective. It just doesn’t make sense to me that a closeted couple under their circumstances would even want to imply something like that or something that can even be interpreted like that, especially coming from Jimin. Also the way they talked about it didn’t come across as a couple secretly sharing their relationship. It just seemed like a fun, little joke/story but that’s just my perspective.

11. The message Tae wrote for Jimin on 'Let's BTS' was just what he said.

I find it hard to believe there was any secret message on the note considering the circumstances i.e. filming with a crew they most likely aren’t familiar with and the whole thing being on live TV. If Tae was serious about the note being “for Jimin’s eyes only” and not the other members, I doubt he’d want the crew to see. I think the blurring was only done for dramatic effect and it worked because I'm sure many were floored when Tae said he likes Jimin the most.

12. Car sharing as “proof” is ridiculous.

That’s it, that’s the opinion…

13. Some ships don’t make sense as a romantic pairing.

I think all the boys are close and every pair has had moments that make you do a double take but if I am seriously considering a ship to be romantic, many if not most of them just don’t seem likely to me. I know shipping is a lot about personal perspective and that we all won’t see the same things in the same way but some shippers act like some ships are so obvious and I don’t see it half the time. I swear sometimes I watch these shipping videos trying to force myself into thinking some of these ships are romantic but I simply can't. I feel like some of you are lying to me to be honest.

14. The taennie situation is strange.

Do I even want to go here… This isn’t me claiming that they’re fake or real because I really don’t know. I just want to say that the progression of this situation since the insta follow has been so weird in my eyes. If you told 2021 me that this is where we’d be almost two years later I think I would laugh in your face. The whole Gurumi situation— what even was that? Then the walk… I don’t stand with any cosplayer narratives about that video especially, maybe drop that one cause it’s not looking too good for you guys. I think I have the same outlook on Taennie as any other ship really and that’s just that it’s possible. I don’t think they’re fake but I also don’t think they’re real— I’m just here shrugs.

This was a whole pile of nothing lol. It’s just hard for me to form any decisive opinions with how strange the progression has been. If they are together, good for them and if they aren’t…good for them??

The only thing I’m sure of is that I don’t like taennie shippers. Anyone who spread those alleged leaks just to prove something and supported someone who has posted and threatened to post the types of pictures that Gurumi did for half of their ship— JAIL. I think a lot of them hate other shippers and want to be proven right more than they like the two people in their ship but i’ll just leave it at this (that’s how a lot of shippers come across to me tbh). Sooo… I wrote this weeks before Jennie’s insta post lml I guess cosplayer narratives are completely out the window huh? I maintain what I said in this post. Taennie is still strange to me even after that post but girl do your thing I guess😐

15. JK isn't the possessive alpha male people want him to be.

How so many shippers look at that man and see that is beyond me. I know he has the whole strong, beefed up, tatted up fuckboy look going but something I have always found interesting is that Jungkook, as a person, isn’t that stereotype. He is a total sweetheart and must be protected at all costs. And I obviously don’t know what he’s like off-camera or what he’d be like in a romantic relationship but all shippers go off of BTS content and he doesn’t come across like that to me in there. Half the time you all talk about him being “jeonlous” (the fact that there is a name for it is part of the problem) is just him staring while zoning out or being nosey which he’s so real for because same.

Editing this after ‘Seven’ and I don’t know if seven era proves or disproves my point but I maintain this opinion🙃

16. Pushing the jealousy narrative so much makes me question if you think these people are in a happy or toxic relationship.

Don't get me wrong, jealousy is a normal emotion (within limits) and I think it can even be a little cute sometimes but the amount these jealousy narratives are pushed is concerning to say the least. My thing is why do you think X is jealous because another member touched Y's shoulder so he moved closer to them to show his possessiveness(?). Like I can bet on that not being the case. Even if a ship is real and a couple does exists among the boys, they are not jealous every time their partners so much as touch another member. They’d be mad every second of the day if that was the case. I guess I can see how some of it can come across as jealousy based on how you look at it but frankly, most jealousy moments are stupid. I don’t know how people take some of them seriously.

17. Even if a ship is real, the lives of the members involved in that ship doesn’t revolve around whoever their partner is.

Well this applies to any relationship ever but you can be in a relationship and still be your own person. You should be able to have your own wants, friends, interests etc. outside of your relationship and I can argue that you’re encouraged to do so. Some of the ideas and theories shippers push are borderline toxic, unhealthy and unrealistic expectations of what relationships are or what they should be.

18. I find it weird to use 2013/14 moments as hardcore proof of a ship being real.

There are multiple reasons for this including: I find it creepy *shrugs*. Not only those including JK but especially those including him because he was underage at the time. In general though, I personally find it a bit weird to obsess over the love lives of people 19 years old and younger. Some may argue it’s weird to obsess over anyone’s love life in general and I can agree with that too cause I specified 19 but I cant really explain why 20 is different or acceptable so— Not saying you can’t see things or find it cute but some of these theories especially the sexual ones need to go. Another reason it’s strange to me is because realistically, there most likely isn’t anything there. Maybe a small crush at most but it doesn’t make sense that these boys were really focusing on relationships very seriously back then. Or maybe they were, I would never know. Even if a ship is currently real (that I won’t know either), it doesn’t mean they were into each other back then.

This just reminds me of those taennie shorts I always see on Youtube trying to say they were looking at each other in a blurry clip from an award show in 2017/2018, some of you are very unserious people. Like even if they are (allegedly) dating now— bro I am not gonna explain this cause it’s so obvious (not obvious that they’re dating now but obvious that they probably weren’t dating then. Well no but— sighs bro idk just don’t ask me if I am a taennie shipper ever again I beg). I get a good laugh out of those shorts though so thanks I guess.

I’m in the middle of writing this and just saw a video with 23K likes saying Taekook showed up with hickies the day after JK’s 18th birthday. WTF??? Some of you are so fucking disgusting. I don’t think some shippers even consider the implications of your words because you would shut the fuck up otherwise. Also the people who consume content from people who think like this are also fucked up in the brain. There’s no way y’all are normal seriously. I was having fun writing this but this shit got me heated and threw me off so bad. It’s crazy that that’s the exact same thing I was trying to talk about here. (I never want my posts to be overly explicit but I can’t hold back from being angry about this because really WTH??)

I’ve been thinking about this since I wrote it and wondering if people may see this as an exaggeration or over reaction of that Tkk video so I’ll make my point clear. I don’t think Taekook’s age difference at that point was necessarily wrong…I kinda side eye it (if I look at it from the perspective that they were dating or something back then) but it’s not the worse thing ever. HOWEVER, I think you, AS AN OUTSIDER, pointing out a “hickey” on a freshly 18 year old boy’s neck (there didn’t even seem to be any but that’s besides the point) is very gross, much less implying that his older bandmate was waiting for him to turn eighteen??? I hope other people can see how absolutely disgusting that is because 23 THOUSAND people didn’t.

19. Speaking of youtube shorts— shippers need to stop editing moments out of context or fusing different parts of videos to make their ship seem real.

There are so many times that I watch a short or reel of shippers making it seem like something then go back to the original content and the things didn’t even happen within the same 5 minute span. Why do y’all do that? It’s so annoying and obviously misinforming. This is why it’s very important for fans especially new ones to look at the original content and form their own opinions because some of you cannot be trusted.

20. Shippers need to let go of the eye contact narrative.

People are allowed to look at the people around them especially if they’re speaking or doing something. I might even find it kinda strange if you don’t look in some instances. It comes back to the jealousy thing again but some people also say it’s flirting which… each to their own I guess. This is one where I am torn again because I can sometimes see what you guys mean, there are even staring moments that I hype up sometimes but some moments just don’t give what shippers thinks it does.😕 The funniest ones when it comes to this are those ships with members from other groups. I don’t know how to tell yall that JK isn’t in a long term, loving relationship with Tzuyu or Lisa just cause he looked at them for 3 seconds one time in 2016. The way I’m talking about all sorts of ships here, I did say I am noseyㅠㅠ.

21. It’s okay to form your own opinions even if it differs from the general consensus.

I’m saying this because I am tired of shippers being called “insecure” because they question moments and the validity of their own ship as a romantic pairing. Emphasis on romantic here because I am not a supporter of people questioning if the boys are friends or not— let’s not go too far😑. Anyway, this is for you if you’re scared to be called insecure for your unpopular or out of the box thoughts about your ship— it’s okay. It’s okay and I would say natural, maybe even better to have doubts. None of us know anything for sure, so being completely secure and sure of any ship is delusional, boraward escapee behavior. It doesn’t mean you love them any less, it doesn’t mean the boys love each other any less even if the only thing that exists between them is friendship. It’s okay to not agree with everyone on what a particular moment means. It’s okay to doubt and it’s okay to be the outlier— so question things all you want. As long as you’re respectful and aren’t hating members or other ships or anything along those toxic shipper lines, everything is fine by me (not that you need my approval lol).

22. ALL OF YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF EACH OTHER’S BUSINESS!!!

This is very hypocritical of me cause I’m always in everyone’s business. Well not always but I did tell y’all I’m nosey. The problem with looking into other ship moments comes about when it starts making you mad. If you think it’s gonna upset you that other shippers are blind and they haven’t seen the light (your ship) then stop going into other shipper’s spaces. Stop provoking other shippers, stop engaging in ship wars cause all of you look dumb as hell. Stop trying to get other shipper’s opinion of your ship only to be mad when they don’t agree with you. What did you even expect? Stop putting ships against each other and start realizing that every ship is it’s own thing. I don’t get why there needs to be a scoreboard and we need to prove why certain moments mean something while others don’t. Just enjoy the moments from your favorite ship(s) when you get them and move tf on. Are y’all not tired??? Y’all are draining the fun out of this shipper business. I don’t get how y’all do this day after day, I get tired just reading one or two of these posts sometimes.

23. Shipping just isn’t that serious.

I’m writing this after the next point so sorry if my disinterest in this comes across. I’m just gonna keep it brief— Jikook, Taennie, Taekook, Yoonmin, Liskook etc. etc. are not losing sleep because some people on the internet think they aren’t dating and neither should you. You can relax! Some things just aren’t that serious. You can rest easily knowing that that Jikook won’t break up or Vmin won’t suddenly become mortal enemies because Amanda from South Wales thinks they don’t hang out and aren’t friends anymore. It’s okay! Breathe! In the same way, Yoonmin and Taekook aren’t dating just because you and your moots say they are. Let’s all just get a grip. Y’all are just on Elon’s broken ass app fighting day in and day out and for what…

24. No ship is worth shipping right now.

I’ve been adding to this post for over a month and my outlook on shipping has been evolving during that time. I’ve held back on posting this because I’m not sure if I want to include myself or share these opinions in any public shipper spaces. I just don’t know if I want to talk or hear what anyone has to say about these ships right now. Shipping has just been so boring recently and it’s understandable why— point 2 of this post is one of the most significant reasons plus others.

The conversations I see in shipper spaces have been more or less the same for the past few months: who’s wearing matching clothes/jewelry, who is and isn’t hanging out, who is and isn’t fanservice, debunking or supporting taennie to prove or disprove different ships, who supported who, who went live and talked about who and the list goes on and on… None of these conversations are stimulating or interesting to me in any way and personally I don’t see how anyone can enjoy these constant circular conversations about the same mundane topics. I don’t think there is anything from any ship worth discussing on this scale right now and I’m honestly just bored🫤. The lack of content from your ships is making a lot of you miserable and I can tell cause the conversations y’all are having are making me feel the same way. I log on and all I see are people thinking they got a hold of a life boat and bragging about it despite the life boat being deflated or in many cases non existent, when we’re all sinking with these ships.

Like I mentioned in point 1, the possibility of any ship still exists and I don’t think this period really proves that any one in particular is “real” or not BUT as shippers, it’s okay to admit that we have nothing to work with right now. There’s nothing worth obsessing over for more than 5 minutes and there’s nothing worth fighting for on the bird app the way y’all do. I think it’s okay to give it a rest for a bit. Get a hobby, read a book, touch some grass, go on a walk, fill out a job application—ANYTHING!! Anything else is worth doing than obsessing over these slowly sinking ships. I’m not against anyone talking about their ship or anything (you do you) but the continuous pulling sh!t out of thin air to fight about and talking about the same fucking ring for 5 days in a row is an interesting way to spend your time to say the least.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s not the fact that anyone is still shipping but it’s the way it’s being done. It’s the fact that very minuscule interactions and occurrences are being given any significance. And I mean shipping has always been like this but it’s becoming increasingly annoying to me and whilst I was somewhat engaged before, i don’t feel any need to care that shippers are being shippers (dumb) right now. I’ve still been watching videos of my ship and all of BTS really (I miss them so bad) and I’ll definitely be one of the first ones up when my ship breathes but even then I don’t know…

Anyway, those were my opinions! I may have others but these are all that have come to mind thus far. I don’t think any of this is particularly new or really controversial to be honest. They have all most likely been said before by other people but I just wanted to give my take I guess. Whilst I gave opinions on general subsets of shipper moments (eye contact, jealousy etc..) my views are quite fluid and can change from moment to moment.

Please note that I am not claiming that my views are “correct” because I don’t know anything for sure either so I am not trying to change anyone’s mind here. This is mainly in regard to the specific ship moments I mentioned. I was wracking my brain about whether or not I want to give any of my opinions on specific ships here cause I really want to talk about shipping from a general stand point on this blog. I came to the conclusion that no one would die if I said one thing about jikook or vmin or taennie right…RIGHT???🫣

I didn’t write this in order so the change in tone in different parts compared to others is crazy to me. I went from being so enthusiastic about sharing some of these to not caring much at all lol. I have a few interesting posts about shipping and other BTS-related things I’ve been slooooowwwwwllllllly adding to but I am not sure when or if they’ll ever see the light of day at this point.

~🐝

[the-oc-lass]

Cody Day 2024

So APPARENTLY it's Cody day and I just missed that, but if you think I'm going to skip out on an opportunity to write about one of my favorite little clone guys, you'd be SORELY mistaken.

I'd love to draw him too but there's like 6 hours left in the day and I have other things to do, like eat and shower and homework.

ANYWAY, those of you who know me know that I'm the OC lady and for that reason, I'm going to write a little drabbly thing about Cody and my OC, who is like an adoptive mom to him and many other clones (see this post if you want to learn more about her). If you aren't interested in ocs, feel free to skip, the drabbly thing will be under the cut. Oh and also, the clones call her "mum" because Temuera is from New Zealand and that's how they refer to their moms (or, that's at least how my old friend referred to her New Zealander mom). Also, no idea if it's ooc, it's been a while since I watched anything with Cody in it.

Anyway, happy Cody day to all, now enjoy the first bit of Star Wars content I've written in months. Btw @langsnscraps since you've been asking for SW content for a while.

It's late in the night cycle. So late that The Negotiator is practically silent. His general and most of his brothers are blissfully asleep in their barracks, but Cody can't bring himself to do the same. He can't sleep yet. There's a cup of caf nearby, though he can't remember when he got it or if he finished its contents. Doesn't matter. He's too focused on the work in front of him, ignoring the insistent tug from his eyelids. When he hears something behind him—the door opening followed by footsteps, he quickly realizes—his hand jumps to his blaster and he whips around, ready to draw it if he needs to. But as quickly as his fight reaction was triggered, it's soothed. Onteile Tiax is standing a few feet away, a calm expression on her face even as she holds up her hands. He exhales, hand falling back to his side.

"Sorry, mum," he mutters. She lowers her hands as well, folding them in front of her as she tilts her head.

"It's alright, Cody. I should know better than to creep up behind you," she says. He frowns slightly at her.

"I could've hurt you." The calm expression shifts to one of soft amusement, and she raises her eyebrow slightly. Alright, that's probably not true. He sighs and turns away from her, looking back at the holotable in front of him. He can hear her moving again, and she eventually appears at his side.

"Can you not sleep, Cody?" she asks, voice gentle and concerned. He shakes his head and looks down at his data pad.

"I just have a few things I need to do," he mutters. Her gaze weighs on him, but he resolutely keeps his eyes on the information in front of him.

"I worry for you," she says suddenly. He lifts his head to look at her, met with a look of apprehension. She lifts a hand, gently cupping his face. "You put far too much on yourself. I just want to make sure you're alright." He leans into the affectionate touch, just a bit, and offers what he hopes is a comforting smile.

"I'm fine, mum," he says. Bright eyes inspect him carefully, and he feels her stroke her thumb across his cheek for a moment before her hand falls away again.

"Would you like some help?" He considers denying her offer, telling her that she should go back to bed, but he admits that company sounds nice. So, he nods, and she smiles softly before picking up a data pad of her own.

~~

When the work is done—or, at least acceptably lessened—she finally convinces him to go to bed. He walks at her side through the empty halls, The Negotiator humming around them. He takes a moment to look at her as they walk. She's not much taller than Cody himself, but the way that she carries herself makes her seem towering and important. She doesn't hold any official military rank, but she looks like she holds a great deal of authority. People respect her most everywhere she goes. Walking at her side always makes him try to stand just a bit straighter, hold himself with more confidence. A small, unspoken of part of him wants to make her proud. They stop outside of her room—because Cody is a gentleman and promised to walk her to her door—and she turns toward him.

"Promise me you'll rest, Cody," she says. He smiles slightly at her.

"I'll do my best, mum." She smiles back at him.

"That's all I ask." She reaches out, and he allows her to tilt his head down slightly so that she can press a warm kiss to his forehead. "I'll see you in a few hours, Cody." When she releases him, he looks her in the eye again, nodding.

"Sleep well, mum." She nods as well, and he steps around her to walk to his own room.

"I love you, Cody." He pauses, looking back at her. "I just wanted to remind you." His chest is filled with warmth at the affectionate look on her face, and he smiles at her again.

"I love you too, mum."

[arkus-rhapsode]

I want to talk about Crimson Flower and 3H as a narrative

So... after FE3H discourse makes the round every other week, I end up thinking about it for a bit until I realize, hey maybe its better to not focus on a 4 year old game at this point and occupy your time with something else. Everything has basically been said about it at this point and you know where you land.

But this time my thoughts were just getting too strong for me to ignore, so that's why I'm writing this both get it out of my system and maybe just be another voice in the crowd that some people might want to listen to on the divisive topic that is Crimson Flower route.

Now I really hate that I have to put this disclaimer up front, but I feel like the well of this discussion has become so poisoned that I have to before I make my piece. I want to say that if you enjoy Crimson Flower, if you love Edelgard and believe she did nothing wrong and this is the right route, if you are a Black Eagles stan and you genuinely do not have any issues with Crimson Flower route as a whole-that is perfectly fine.

This will be a somewhat critical examination of the narrative choices about the execution of CF, which I feel like whenever 3H, specifically Edelgard is discussed, there is often very disingenuous arguments people make. Which I believe can create more defensive fans of a particular aspect of a story that we should be able to criticize freely. Which perpetuates this never ending cycle of discourse of legit criticism and defense against that criticism becomes drowned out by trying to decouple these very disingenuous claims from legitimate flaws. So I at least want to make it known that I am going to try my best to be in good faith with this post about this tricky subject.

I also want to just say, this is also going to be mostly an examination of narrative. The thing that I personally enjoy the most in an FE game, but we need to genuinely acknowledge that narrative isn't the only reason why people may like Fire Emblem. The ability to form parasocial relationships with fictional characters and being able to experience something the genuinely brings you emotional fulfillment is not invalid. Being able to enjoy fighting against establishments or ideologies you in the real world disagree with through the experience of a video game is not invalid. The same way someone who plays this game for the experience of gameplay isn't invalid when their primary enjoyment stems from the actual mechanics rather than the "logistics" of the story. The point I'm trying to make is that everyone will engage in media in different ways and will enjoy it other ways and that you don't want to invalidate those feelings someone had with their personal experience. So this is going to be about me and my experience as someone who primarily enjoys narrative.

I am just one guy with opinions who is going to layout what I had an issue with and how I think for me that could've been improved upon. You don't have to agree with me on that, and I'm not saying my way is legitimately better. This is all opinionated.

Buckle this is a long one

First things first Im gonna say Im not going to be using any information given in Three Hopes that may contradict what Im about to say. As in my opinion Three Houses came first and does not include the content from Three Hopes so I should think that Three Houses can stand on its own merits and the content that was provided.

Next thing is I want to catch people up on what in my opinion are the points I think CF did for me that ultimately left me unsatisfied

The post time skip Fodlan was too different and felt contradictory to Byleth's role

Edelgard's Characterization in CF in comparison to the other lord's in their respected routes

The role of Rhea

The role of Those who Slither in the Dark

SO the first thing is probably the thing I'm mostly going to have to defend if I haven't lost you already, but Fire Emblem Three Houses as a narrative provides us with a five year time skip in the game that depending on the route will change who is control of the monastery at this point in the war, with each route providing a lord the chance the forge their campaign. However, something I don't think is brought up enough is talking about the liberties that CF takes with their time skip vs the other three routes. Azure Moon, Verdant Wind, and Silver snow all paint a post five years Fodlan as one where the monastery territory has been abandoned, Rhea has been captured, the Alliance territory is split between an imperialist faction and an anti imperialism faction, and the Kingdom has been split with Cornelia making an alliance with the Empire to create the Dukedom of Faerghus as the houses of Gautier and Faldarius hold up the Kingdom.

There are obviously minor changes like Dimitri camping out in the monastery in Azure Moon rather than in the care of Kingdom Allies, but for the most part there is a consistently defined world between the three routes. However, Crimson Flower's post Fodlan is much different. With a grid locked Fodlan after five years with just the church territory falling under the control of Adrestia, Rhea wasn't captured and instead made it to Faerghus, The Alliance is still feuding amongst itself, but most importantly than all, Faerghus is a complete kingdom with Dimitri as King and no Cornelia's Dukedom.

So there are two main reasons why this bothers me.

The first is that Three Houses as a game wants to present you with three options at first, with the idea that your choices will effect the outcome of the war when Byleth returns, however there's enough consistency to imply that this is what Fodlan would be like regardless of whose House you would join, with the primary effect being your class making it to the church for the festival which in turn will make the monastery your new territory for which route. However, Crimson Flower decides to do away with the consistency, implying that the effect Byleth had on the situation is far greater than that of any other route resulting in a drastically shifted Fodlan. So this is more of a problem with FE3H as a whole with the consistency of choice. Fire Emblem has never really had a BioWare style choose your own adventure type of game. There's only one real choice you're given in the case of 3H and that's which house you side with, which you are essentially locked into. Black Eagles is really the only route that offers a choice beyond that with choosing to side with Edelgard or Rhea which will effect who the class sides with in the time skip. The reason I bring this up is that it essentially means that you the player are for the most part on rails for a predetermined plot where all the choices for the series have already been made. So the Fodlan post five years being consistent makes some sense as essentially mostly everything that happened in White Clouds was the same with the acceptation of the class. However, the Crimson Flower one not being consistent and being so radically different based on a game with so minimal choice feels more like an act of narrative convenience. That this is what happened because of a writer fully independent from me the player had decided that this is how Fodlan shall be for this story because it fits what they want to tell.

Somewhere I had once read that FE3H shouldn't be treated as one story, but since its a bunch of routes they're all a different universe. Everything might look the same but everything is fundamentally altered that you should accept it as an independent universe. And I can't necessarily say that's wrong as the concept of multiverses is to create a world/scenario that allows to explore familiar characters in unfamiliar settings and you could say that Byleth effect on Edelgard in picking this universe was just so much greater that it would result in such a different universe.

I personally disagree with that which brings me to my second point as I believe this one is going to be a more philosophical point on game design. But I feel like the effort to make three routes so consistent with each other with one so different seems to deliberately undercut the core themes of the game. Offering you a choice that this is who you get to spend your happy schools days with and it is what is going to result in them returning to the monastery one the day of your return. That is the true effect of Byleth on the characters. But as you play through white clouds you can't change what happens to other characters which will result in a brand new scenario. Byleth's presence can never stop Dimitri from going blood mad, Byleth's presence can't stop Claude from discovering the Immaculate One research, and Byleths presence can't stop Edelgard from declaring war. And that is a good thing for this type of on rails route story. Byleth while a player insert who can help their lord in the future, right now everyone is on a path that Byleth can only lightly change. With the characters acting independently of what Byleth and the player desire. And the post time skip Fodlan is a sign of that. Its Five Years without Byleth. This is what these characters would do, that they were always capable of doing and that is why Byleth's return and effect on them is important. This also gives us the ability to observe what a lord is like now after the war, and Byleth's effect on them but also see what a character could be like without that Byleth effect on them. Without Byleth Dimitri stays mad, without Byleth Claude always flees Fodlan, without Byeth Edelgard... well lets put a pin in that.

The only other true choice the player can make beyond the initial one is the side with Edelgard or Rhea which radically alters her. Which honestly feels kinda defeating in a game that has locked Byleth so much on a path and the one time it can deviate actively alters everything. It just feels very hollow as there are parts that make you realize how great the effect Byleth could have on people's lives could be if the game actively wanted to integrate choice with the plot. But it didn't. It wants to make one early choice then lock you in that route for several chapters then remove Byleth and then have their return effect real change on the future of Fodlan. Except for this one route. Its why Crimson Flower feels so much like an asterisk compared to the other route. And I don't just mean the lack of chapters, but this feels like a route that can only exist because it was the one that the developers bothered to create something overly deviating from everything else.

Which brings us to Edelgard's role in Crimson Flower as a whole. Now lets just get this out of the way. Im not going to be talking at all on the morality/realistic implications of what Edelgard is doing. I feel like the "Is she a fascist/authoritarian" conversation is not really helpful to talking about FE3H as a work of narrative and mostly exists to create a bunch of petty beef. This is also not going to be a deconstruction of ever minute detail of Edelgard as a character. This is an examination of her as a character in the narrative that we are presented. This will also involve comparison's to Edelgard and other series lords and I want it to be known that this is not a talking down to the only female lord in the game as being something "lesser" than her male contemporaries. I believe there is genuinely sexism when discussing Edelgard as a character, so I want to say that I am approaching Crimson Flower and Three Houses as a whole in a good conscious that there is not a "right route." That this is a game that where all choices have their pros and their cons. Because that's why we like this entry, right? That 3H would provide us some genuinely complex lords who were all capable of doing great and terrible things regardless of gender?

That's why I had such a long winded discussion about why the change in the post time skip Fodlan is so important both for narrative consistency, but also just generally keeping with the tone, but also it reinforced that Fodlan and its lords while all righteous in their own way can be dangers in their own way. Well that's when I return to the pin about Edelgard. So first I want to go through how the lords are characterized in non devoted routes.

Dimitri in non AZ routes is portrayed as someone so damaged by loss that his who response is to avenge and fight. To never stop making those pay for the damage it has brought on his kingdom as well as any lives lost during the tragedies in places like Duscar and Remire.

Claude in non VW routes is portrayed as a brilliant individual with a lot of charm but seems to be hiding something from everyone. He's a lot smarter than one could assume and that he has some mysterious tie to the kingdom of Almyra that he departs after leaving his land to the stronger kingdom that has come so far, be it Dimitri or Edelgard or the Church.

Edelgard in non CF routes is portrayed as a conspirator to overthrow not only the church but all rule in Fodlan as she believes the Crest based system is flawed and that the only way to enact systemic change is through a single rule. And while she is aware her ideals have costs, she believes that those costs are worth it when weighed against perpetuity of the crest system.

Now I want to talk about what happens to those lords as you play them in their routes.

Dimitri in AZ is portrayed as someone burdened by loss and his quest for vengeance has led to a neglect for his own health and his own actions. That his kill everyone attitude will perpetuate more loss of those he loves and that he needs to learn to rely upon others. That is his true responsibility as king.

Claude in VW is portrayed as an individual who is outside of Fodlan's system who has observed it more as a third party and believes it can be a great place if people work through diplomatically. He too is not a fan of inequality and racism and wishes to make a Fodlan that is more accepting and able to work through negotiation. While he still leaves Fodlan at the end, this time he has been able to implement real systemic change and make one that is sustainable beyond that of a ruler.

In CF we find out that Edelgard is a traumatized girl who was experimented on for the purposes of Crest Research. This makes her a conspirator to overthrow not only the church but all rule in Fodlan as she believes the Crest based system is flawed and that the only way to enact systemic change is through a single rule. And while she is aware her ideals have costs, she believes that those costs are worth it when weighed against perpetuity of the crest system.

Hey wait a minute, that's the same?

So this is where I get to the most glaring flaw for me in this case of narrative and why I think altering the post time skip so much did a lot of damage. Edelgard is a good character and a fascinating one, but in the practice of her narrative, her character journey in her own route isn't like the other lords. Rather she is "right" from the start of the time skip and with the world altering in ways to justify why she is that way.

Now look, I know right now someone could be saying I can't read, that its clearly stated in the text that Edelgard says without Byleth she may have turned into a complete monster to see her goals through to the end. This is referring to how in non CF routes she is on the backfoot getting beaten back and forced to take more drastic measures as whoever Byleth comes closer to ending her ideals. Unlike Dimitri or Claude there's not really a psychological arc she is working through with her sociological arc. Dimitri's arc is almost entirely hinged on him as a character changing in his route. And while Claude the character is also mostly the same, you get an understanding of how his continued participation in Fodlan's politics is so important as he effects sociological change. Claude also does the less stuff that could be considered questionable in Fodlan. He neither initiates the war nor does he intimate greater conflict that is tied into a character arc like Dimitri. Claude action's through the war are mostly to keep the Alliance fighting against each other with avoids giving one side a greater advantage. The truth is Claude real "flaw" is that by being an Almyra he is from a race outside of Fodlan that is inherently untrustworthy in society so his continued prescience in his expanded campaign is done with changing that mentality.

Now one could look at everything I said about Claude and say "well isn't that Edelgard though? She's not the one who needs to change but rather society needs to and this is you making it a fruition?" And I would agree however, then why did post time skip need to change and not Edelgard? So going back to the altered Fodlan, the Fodlan post time skip we see in non CF routes has what can be argued Edelgard's biggest moment of political conquest, making an alliance with Cornelia inside of Faerghus using her authority and influence to expand and bring over a chunk of the kingdom underneath Edelgard's wing. And this makes sense with what has been proposed before us-Edelgard had released a manifesto to lords that would side with her and become her allies in the war to come. This act of subversion is something that benefits her goals for conquering all of Fodlan. However, this is one of the key alterations in CF's time skip. Faerghus is not broken in half, with Edelgard having not empowered Cornelia over the five years. In fact, you do battle with Cornelia with her as a kingdom general.

So if Edelgard isn't a character who is subject to change, why did the world change? Well there is speculation in universe that perhaps Rhea fleeing to Faerghus didn't give her the ability. But I do believe the most likely reason is that narratively the writers of 3H wanted to avoid a scenario where while Byleth was gone Edlegard may have empowered and individual like Cornelia. One of the most objectively evil characters in the game. Now I won't go into to detail if I believe Edelgard knew Cornelia was a TWSITD or not, but as it is presented to us, she seems unaware. Instead I'll focus on the primary point is where they don't want to discuss that while in her route Edelgard was capable of doing something that would potentially cast her in such a negative light. After all, the point of her campaign is the while the bloodshed is worth it to make a new Fodlan free of crests, she's willing to show lenency to those who bend the knee. Again, an action not unreasonable for her character. However, I feel like this not happening in CF genuinely robs us from exploring the flaws of Edelgard's path/showing us what Byleth's effect on her truly is.

This is compounded by my issues with how CF is the only route in which you have an active choice beyond class. That by choosing to side with Edelgard when given the option in the tomb would result in this much radical history alteration. But also all of Byleth's effect on her not being as much conqueror over the last 5 years was all done pre time skip. That all that change was done at that moment rather than being something that prompted her to return to Garreg Mach where they'd remeet Byleth and then that would get them to claim it as a base of oppositions in their future war. In CF, Garreg Mach is already claimed rather than the formation of the Dukedom with no real progress. So it makes it seem as though Byleth's real effect on altering this lord's path was always possible in the short time they knew them before disappearing over five years. Of course this is again a bit miffling given that CF is the only route this is a possibility. We can't Change how Dimitri will act in the pre time skip. That he will make choices without Byleth even if they feel urged to remeet at Garreg Mach. But in the case of CF, Edelgard has apparently been changed despite the only real difference in white clouds fighting beside her in the tomb and against the church pre timeskip. But that has sociologically altered so much of Fodlan.

And maybe you genuinely believe that one extra change is enough. Perhaps that one extra choice is enough justification for such a radically new scenario. For me personally, I find that unsatisfying and feels more like the writers traded in a level of consistency for this new scenario that greater justified being on the side of someone who is portrayed as a more active antagonistic force in other routes (Reminder this not me saying the Empire route is an antagonist route. All routes are antagonistic relative to which side you are on).

This is where we get my first what I would've done to make it more narratively satisfying for me. Keep the same post time skip Fodlan as the other routes. Keep Edelgard having brokered a deal with Cornelia to establish the Dukedom and have Byleth find out about it. Be some that either Byleth or another character close to Edelgard questions the extremity of. Then have Cornelia do something evil like she's experimenting on people for TWSITD or maybe she's just abusing the power. Then have Edelgard clean it up. Have Edelgard realize that while she still wants to make her dream of a crestless Fodlan a reality she can't just back lords or nobles that are willing to go along with her for more power. She can still keep the Dukedom territory, but instead she'd be now more understanding what it means for there to be a ruler with a noble soul. So she continues her campaign of conquest but has realized that if she's going to be emperor, she can't just empower people arbitrarily.

In my opinion this not only would tie together some more TWSITD plot while also paralleling it to Edelgard's past and how there was no authority figure to step in and help her all those years ago. But now she is that authority figure. And while it doesn't call her method in question and like Dimitri and Claude she can continue her expanded influence over Fodlan, but now we actively see that Byleth has helped show her that her allies aren't just those pledging loyalty, she actually needs to empower those who are good. She gets to have her fight with Cornelia level and this won't stop her from killing Dimitri in the future.

Like I said, this is what I'd do. And in my opinion it would give Byleth's presence in CF more purpose beyond the bond with Edelgard is nice and fun. But also stay consistent with each route. Showing that there are flaws in Edelgard's sociological plan, but not undercutting what her actual goal is. You can still believe her quest is just and the only right one with her taking an active role in not making the mistakes she perceives Rhea as doing.

And if you are still with me up to my third point, lets talk about Rhea.

So Rhea as a character can best be described as a neutral evil throughout White Clouds. She doesn't really do anything but there is a lot of ominous foreshowing and presentation that Rhea may be up to something or at the very least complicit with many of her policies and tendencies. And when I say "evil" I don't mean she's bad (please don't skewer me Rhea fans). I mean that if the crest system is flawed and the church is emblematic of the systems maintenance of that flawed system. Then Rhea as the face/founder/head of that church bares some responsibility even if all she does is passive.

In all other routes, Rhea is captured by the Empire. Imprisoned in their capital. Anytime she is seen after she is characterized as somewhat docile or defeated, having been imprisoned for so long. VW goes a step farther to reveal what she did as Seiros and all of her actions leading to this point presumably all thanks to be imprisoned and rethinking her life over. CF is the only one Rhea is allowed to be an active player, she is now portrayed a ranting self righteous warrior priest who swears vengeance upon Byleth for being the reincarnation of her mother but not being a proper vessel as she intended and fighting against her. Naturally, if Byleth being the potential for the reincarnation of Sothis siding against her is what her drives her mad, that is believable, however much like the altered Fodlan Rhea in this version is not captured. This is now for Rhea to serve as Edelgard's true climatic opponent. With her symbolically killing the representation of the church and the power of crests being slain by Byleth and Edelgard. Its very poetic. But once again we reach my issue of the time skip altering so much in CF.

As stated before, Rhea was presented as a neutral evil, in doing so she's not really a direct antagonist in any route. Except of course Silver Snow. Where she is deployed as a weapon against Byleth. In this case killing the immaculate one symbolically is cleansing the church of Rhea and allowing it to pass into the hands of the new archbishop. However, Rhea in that fight is under control. Rather than be conscious as an opponent, they make her more of a beast without choice. Thus making this less a flawed character meeting their end and rather a forced confrontation by the evil cult of evil. Now Rhea I think being kept a neutral party was ultimately a good choice. We are given enough about her to understand she has done things questionable and should possibly not hold the authority she has. But she also has not instigated any open any hostility. As such Rhea is more a symbolic player. By making her an active player, CF has to make Rhea more domino and more a threat. She can't portray constant neutrality in a war. But by making her the active antagonist, it makes her less of a symbol and more if just a rotten character who Edelgard is justified in wanting dead. And much like Cornelia and the Dukedom, this alteration comes off as an attempt by the writers to never truly challenge Edelgard's plans for Fodlan. That Edelgard has no flaws in her plan and the bloodshed is beyond justified more than just philosophically. Had Edelgard captured Rhea in CF this would lead to some genuinely uncomfortable questions of keeping her a prisoner. And to 3H's credit they were actually willing to make the player uncomfortable already in Dimitri's route showing him as a mass murderer. Once again, I want to express this isn't me saying Edelgard's quest or goals are wrong and the plot should undermine it. This is me saying that for a game that wants to genuinely have nuanced and uncomfortable political choices made by their character, this is the route where they opt to alter the scenario so that Edelgard is the most justified and does less things that one could find objectionable. Flattening a lot of interesting implications this would raise and what Byleth as a force in this route could possibly able to influence.

Now one could again say, well the reason Rhea wasn't captured because Edelgard didn't use crest beasts this time. Edelgard not using crest beasts is a sign Byleth is changing her and thus that greatly alters the future. Once again, I can see that as understandable justification, but again, my issue off only ever being able to effect this lord pre time skip comes in again. If it was possible to get Edelgard to not use crest beasts, then how come it wasn't possible for me to get Claude to have Almyra support? How come I couldn't stop Dimitri before the war? The answer is again as a game the only other narrative choice that could possibly alter the story happens in CF which is the side with Edelgard in tombs choice. And while I'm not against the idea of angry pope Rhea, but I feel making her CF's full on antagonist was almost making a straw man antagonist for your opposition.

As an aside we also know Arundel is still on Edelgard's side and he is Thales so while she might not know his entire deal, I hesitate to imagine he'd stop using crest beasts in the war over the two years Byleth was gone.

If I was going to once again alter CF to be something I would personally find more satisfying. Have Rhea captured and then have Arundel use the same rage stuff he uses on her Silver Snow. This way you can facilitate an Edelgard vs TWSITD conflict AND you still get your symbolic victory of Edelgard and Byleth killing the symbol of the crests and church. Again, Edelgard is able to do what she wanted to originally, but now we are also confronted with the role TWSITD did play in her life and allowing her to rectify it as well as truly killing the old world by getting rid of Rhea and Thales.

And final point TWSITD. TWSITD are bad. They've always been bad. And they genuinely damage the overall story of CF because this is beyond just a narrative choice, its very clear CF as a story wasn't complete. I feel confident in saying that given the numerous chapters missing compared to the other routes, but also the epilogue needs to say "Oh yeah there was totally a bunch of war against them. Totally." I know this point is probably the least controversial when talking about CF, but I still think its a glaring flaw.

So what's the tl;dr?

This is not an "I hate Crimson Flower or Edelgard post" I genuinely have no interest in debating people about characters that like or enjoy. Nor did I want to turn this into a moral argument about the implication CF. I feel like these topics do real damage to any real criticisms one can have for CF as a narrative.

Which for me, CF as a route fails to really mesh with the rest of 3H as a whole. It feels like it takes a lot of narrative ways out to avoid potentially making their lord seem objectionable, despite much of this game wanting to be about how tragically flawed everyone is. Im not saying Edelgard needed a come to Jesus moment of "Are we the bad guys?" No absolutely not. In my opinion we just lack seeing Edelgard change the same way post time skip as others have due to creating an entirely brand new setting that keeping her as a mostly the same character is not questionable. Nor does she have to do anything that could truly be seen as flawed. Things that Byleth's influence may overcome.

Edelgard is a good character and her goals are understandable. I just personally find the narrative bending to accommodate her in ways so different from the other time skips genuinely make it a weaker narrative for me.

If you enjoy CF as it it. More power to you. Please keep loving CF. This isn't supposed to be a dissuading post. This is merely me as one guy who likes a lot of FE because of the stories it can tell sharing why he personally didn't enjoy this one. Maybe I helped put it words for some who might feel similar. But this is just my opinion

If you have something you'd like to add or reply in the replies or tags please flee free, but for the love god, please be cordial about it. There is so much toxicity and disingenuous takes around Fire Emblem Crimson Flower and Edelgard and Rhea in general, that I would like for us to please be able to talk about this in good faith.

[call-her-sir]

I guess I probably should make a pinned post at some point, so here were go.

I'm Ivy, (not my birth name but people call me this,) a lesbian, a softly masc/butch presenting cis woman (she/her), a domme, a top, and a sadist. This is a sideblog on its own account, so I can follow and like under this name, but occasionally I disappear for days/weeks when I'm logged into the other one. Don't worry, I'll be back.

This blog is 18+ only. Not 18? Do not follow or interact. No ifs ands or buts about it. I'm not interested and I will be annoyed (and not in a fun way) if I find out otherwise.

I'm not going to be as aggressively policing men in my follows, likes, or reblogs. Its fine, especially if i write something fun. But I'm not interested at all. Keep it respectful, don't say overly gendered things in reblogs and we cool.

Terfs Fuck Off.

If you're trying to get me to flirt or talk dirty at you, call me sir (the lowercase is important, Sir is reserved for real relationships.) Otherwise call me Ivy, "hey" or just don't refer to me with a name, its whatever. Don't talk down to me, I'm not interested. I don't particularly like master, daddy, mistress or others, they don't feel right.

I don't do raceplay, detrans/dykebreaking, sissies, bathroom stuff, footplay, ageplay, or serious violence of any sort, even hypothetical.

I'm not a furry, though not to the point of revulsion like the above.

I'm pretty bad at tagging things that aren't my original posts. You may see degradation and humiliation, sadism, some light hypno and brainwashing, pet play and the like. You may see some CNC play but I guarantee you will not see me use or reblog content with the hard R form of that.

I edge slightly into misogyny play, almost ignorable if you're not into it, but I try to tag that as butch patriarchy. This may also include suggestions that I can "fix" straight women and other gross orientation play things of that nature. It's just kink, I'm not seriously promoting this.

I like correcting brats but it doesn't work very well on the internet, especially with strangers. Don't expect a lot.

Don't tell me you came to something I wrote, you can tell me that you want to cum to it, but finishing up is wrong.

That's all I got for now.

[whumpcloud]

Delicate - Kind

masterlist

content: pet whump, carewhumper, drinking, mentions of alcoholism, hangover, self-harm (burning, as punishment), begging to be hurt (belted in specific), mentions of beating, mentions of shock collar, emeto, it as a pronoun (not in a dehumanising way)

"I'm going out," Elio says.

Peter visibly brightens at the words. Sir almost never goes out, and Peter was starting to worry that there was a problem he didn't know about, that Sir was like Master and can't go out instead of just choosing not to.

"Where are you going, Sir?" Peter asks, putting down the sponge so he can listen.

"Seeing some friends," Elio shrugs, and pulls on a coat. "Might crash on someone's couch instead of coming home."

"O-Oh." Peter tries not to fidget. "Should I come with you?"

Elio stares at him. "Why would I want you to come with me? I'd look like a fucking idiot, dragging you around."

"...right." Is Peter really so embarrassing? Some kind of secret that Sir has to keep locked up in the house? The comment crawls under Peter's skin. "When will you be back?"

"Dunno, maybe… I guess if I'm not back by three tomorrow, just call Sofia, I'll write down her number for you and stick it by the landline." Elio pauses. "Sofia's my cousin. By the way."

Peter follows him to the living room and watches him scrawl the number on a post-it note. Sofia was the woman Peter met at the shelter, he thinks. He thought he was going to be her Pet at first. He wishes he was. She smelled like roses and told him he looked sweet. Sir never says things like that to him.

"Make sure you take your medicine with you," Peter says, trying to be helpful. "And please don't drink too much, I won't be there to help."

Elio rolls his eyes. "Don't treat me like I'm a teenager, Pete."

"I- I'm just trying to… to help." Why is he so anxious? Peter has found himself getting more and more anxious recently. He never knows if something he says is going to set Sir off. "That's what I'm here for."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Elio sighs, irritated. "I'll literally be fine, I don't need you breathing down my neck about it."

Peter clenches his fists and turns back to the dishes. "Fine. I won't. Have fun, Sir."

Is this anger? Peter hasn't felt anger in a long time. Oh, no, he's angry at Sir, the last person he should ever be angry at. And Sir has to be able to tell, Peter is going to get punished for daring to allow himself to feel that way and-

He hears the sound of the front door slamming shut and he kicks the kitchen cabinets in frustration at himself. No, Sir never punishes him for feeling, even though he deserves it.

Peter stares at the kettle.

It's more methodical than anything. He heats the water until it boils, then sticks his arm out over the sink, and pours it over his skin. He lets himself scream, just a little - he doesn't want to bother or worry the neighbours - and pours until he feels tears stinging his eyes from the pain, then puts it down.

Good boy. Peter takes a deep breath and swallows the tears. He can cover the burn with his sleeve so that Sir doesn't worry about it. The punishment isn't for him. Peter just needs to be reminded how to be good, and it's a good enough Pet to do that all by itself.

It. Peter can be it, for a while, just until Sir gets back. Another thing to hide from him. It tries to finish the dishes and ignore the pain.

—

It's bored.

Sir didn't give it any special tasks to do, and the flat is completely clean. It took care of all of its own needs - it's started to just wear Sir's clothes after bathing, and they're a little big, but Sir doesn't seem to notice or care - so now it has nothing else to do. It lies upside down on the couch for a moment, like it's seen Sir do, but all the blood rushes to its head and it gets up almost immediately.

It wanders into the kitchen, looking for food just to have something to do. The fridge is mostly empty, and Peter stops for a minute to write down that it needs to order more groceries, before turning back. Really, the only things in the fridge are bottles of cider.

Peter fidgets. It's always wondered what the appeal of being drunk was. It makes people violent and aggressive and unsteady on their feet. Why would anyone want that?

Well, Sir isn't here. It could find out.

Mentally, Peter kicks itself for thinking that at all. There would absolutely be consequences for that! Sir could come back, he didn't say he was definitely staying out. And Peter can't do what it's made for under the influence. And Sir is an addict, who knows how he'll react if his Pet drinks even one bottle that's supposed to be his?

Peter takes one anyway. It doesn't care what Sir does, not right now. Maybe Peter wants to know what it's like to be drunk, but it thinks that mostly it wants to spite Sir.

It's supposed to feel bad about that, feel some kind of terror at the idea of Sir's response. It doesn't.

With a quiet "oof" of effort, Peter uses the wall-mounted bottle opener to get the cider bottle open. It takes a swig, and the drink is much sweeter than it expected. Doesn't Sir prefer more sour drinks? Still, Peter can taste the alcohol strongly. This can't be worth it.

Maybe it just needs to drink more to understand.

Halfway through the third bottle, Peter starts to feel it. Its mind starts to blur at the edges. It grabs a few more bottles - how many more it doesn't really know - and falls back onto the sofa. Is this how Sir feels all the time? It isn't that Peter doesn't know how addiction works, of course whatever they're taking has to feel good somehow, but it didn't understand how it felt good when it made people act so badly. This feels so good.

Peter giggles to itself and takes another sip.

—

Elio thought going out would make him feel better, but it didn't. He's barely present for the conversations going on, and he finds himself just letting the host know he's leaving and slipping out of the door.

He'd have thought Peter would be asleep by now, but no, Peter is lying on the sofa staring up at the ceiling.

"Pete?" Elio asks. "Why are you up?"

"Huh?" Peter blinks, then turns to face Elio, and smiles wide. "Oh… hi, Sir!"

Elio narrows his eyes. There are bottles beside the sofa.

"Have you been drinking?" Elio says, through gritted teeth.

"Don't get pissy about it," Peter rolls his eyes and stares up at the ceiling again. "You get pissy about everything."

Elio blinks, before stepping closer. "What?"

"You're so mad at me all the time," Peter says, as though it's nothing. "What did I ever actually do to you? Other than exist, I guess."

"Are you serious right now?" Elio clenches his fists. "You drink half the cider in the fridge and you think it's a good idea to start a fucking argument?"

"You left me alone," Peter shrugs. "You didn't tell me I couldn't."

"Don't be stupid!"

"Oh yeah, and you call me stupid all the time," Peter says, in the same breathy tone. He isn't snapping or shouting, and that's annoying Elio even more. "I'm smart, I know I'm smart. I know lots more than you. You can't even keep your flat clean. And you never appreciate me for that either. I do all these things for you and you're so rude for no reason. Is it just me or are you like that to everyone?"

"I swear to god, Pete," Elio hisses, "shut the fuck up right now."

"Or what? You never punish me for anything. Are you going to grow a backbone?" Peter stumbles upright, then drops to his knees in front of Elio. "Go on. Hit me. I dare you, Sir."

Elio stares at him. Is this what's been buried under Peter's politeness? This spite, this resentment? There is the urge in Elio, for a minute, to slap Peter across the face as he can.

Then it fades. "Absolutely not."

"See!" Peter is getting louder, now. "I insult you to your face and you still won't do anything! Master would've beat the shit out of me for this."

"Yeah, well, I'm not him," Elio snaps.

"No, you're not," Peter casts his eyes to the floor. "I wish you were. I miss him."

"Why do you miss him if he beat you?" Elio scoffs.

"He wanted me!"

Elio feels the urge to hit Peter again. "Yeah, okay, I didn't want you. But I didn't want to send you back either, so here we fucking are."

"Why didn't you send me back?" Peter leans up, glaring at Elio. "There was no reason not to!"

"Because- Because!" Elio doesn't know if he has an answer. "I- I felt bad, I guess. You were right there and I just… I don't know!"

Peter rocks back and forth, twisting the fabric of his jumper. "I just wish you'd… I just want a thank you sometimes, or my hair stroked. Remember when you let me lie in your lap? That was good! I'm not supposed to want things but I want you to be kind to me!"

There's a silence, for a moment, before Peter realises what he's said.

"Is that too much?" Peter whispers. "Is that bad? I shouldn't be asking you for things."

Elio isn't a kind person. He knows that. He doesn't try to be, because he would have to try all the goddamn time and he doesn't have the patience. But Peter is a human being, a human being he's stuck with and is asking him to be kind. Just a thank you or a pat on the head. Can't he manage that? Is he really that bad?

"Just…" Elio sighs. "Come on. Let's get you to bed. We'll talk about it in the morning. When you aren't drunk."

Peter lets Elio help him up, but stops Elio from pulling him towards his room.

"Can I sleep with you, Sir?" Peter asks, quiet again. "Please? Just for tonight."

With an irritated sigh, Elio concedes. "Yeah. Sure."

Elio hasn't slept in the same bed as another person for years, so when Peter not only lays down beside him, but clutches at his shirt for comfort, Elio feels a little strange.

"Can you hold me?" Peter whispers. "Please? I'm sorry if I'm asking too much."

Strange is definitely the word. Peter is curling up to make himself seem small, but there's only a few inches of difference between them. Elio ends up putting his hand on the back of Peter's head, fidgeting with his hair. Peter murmurs a thank you.

—

Peter wakes up with a horrific headache.

He lets out a tiny whimper, realising he's still curled up against Sir. He only remembers bits and pieces of last night, but he knows what he said, he knows how bad his insults were, and the fear and the pain and the churning in his stomach is twisting his insides into knots.

He forces himself out of bed - he asked Sir to hold him after saying all of that, how could he? - and drops to his knees beside it, shivering and close to tears, even though he's not supposed to cry, he can't cry!

He's a bad Pet. Why is he always a bad Pet? For once in his stupid, worthless life, can't he do something right? No wonder Sir never praises him or gives him any affection. He hasn't earned it, he'll never earn it.

"Pete?"

Peter's forehead hits the floor. He can't form words for a moment, can't figure out what he even should say to try to earn some kind of forgiveness, if he deserves that at all and not just to be discarded.

"I'm sorry!" Peter says, voice coming out as a desperate whimper. "I'm so, so sorry, I should have never said those things to you, Sir, o-or gotten drunk on your cider, or- or any of it! I'm s-s-so sorry, please p-punish me--"

Peter's begging devolves into incoherent sobs. He isn't supposed to feel like this. Master would have beat him black and blue for crying, maybe put the shock collar back on and let the electricity run through him until he learned to bury all these useless feelings again. Sir hasn't punished him yet but he still could.

"...Pete, sit up."

Peter immediately straightens his back, even though it makes his throat burn with bile and his vision swim. Frantically, he rubs at his eyes to hide or at least dry his tears, but he hiccups and has to cover his mouth so that he doesn't throw up onto the carpet.

"Jesus," Elio mutters. "Okay. Come on. I'm taking you to the bathroom, don't argue with me or say anything else."

Peter doesn't speak a word. Elio takes him under the arms and gently guides him to the bathroom. Almost immediately, Peter falls onto the tiles and vomits into the toilet bowl.

"I'm- I'm sorry," Peter gasps. "I'm s-so sorry, I sh-shouldn't be sick--"

"You're hungover," Elio says flatly, crouching down beside him. "If you weren't sick I'd be surprised. You weigh basically nothing and you had, like, six bottles? And you've probably never been drunk before. It's fine."

"I sh-shouldn't have drunk th-them in the first p-place," Peter whines, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

"They're literally two-fifty. Cheaper if I get a multipack. I'll just get some more."

"But I- I--"

"Fucking listen to me, Pete!"

Peter squeaks and shuts his mouth.

Elio swallows. "I… sorry. Shouldn't have smapped. Look. It's fine."

"I can't… I c-can't take care of you l-like this…" Peter gags and lets out a little whimper. "I'm useless, I'm- I…"

With a sigh, Elio gently rubs the back of Peter's neck. Peter practically melts into the touch.

"I don't need taken care of, okay?" Elio says. "Not when you're like this. You're always doing everything all the time, anyway. I think we'll live if you can't clean up for one day."

"But what a-about- about your--"

"Shh," Elio says, and it's the gentlest tone he's ever used with Peter. "You're sick. You're spending the day resting."

"But S-Sir--!"

"That's an order," Elio replies firmly. "Do you need me to hold your bangs back while you puke?"

Peter miserably nods his head.

—

By the time evening has rolled around, Peter is feeling much better. Elio has brought him painkillers, which is more than he deserves, and even managed to make meals so that Peter eats. This time when Elio enters the room, Peter is on his knees, fidgeting with a folded belt.

"What are you doing?" Elio asks.

"I… I'm better now, Sir," Peter says quietly. "So I thought I would, um, save you the trouble of finding something to punish me with. U-Unless you already… had a plan…"

"Don't be-" Elio stops himself. He was about to call Peter stupid again. Like it's a reflex. Come on, Elio, you can be nice. "Pete. What do you think you need punished for?"

"For insulting you," Peter replies, voice shaking. "For drinking. A-And for crying."

Elio sighs. "You already apologised. No punishment."

"But I need to learn!" Peter insists.

Keep it together, Elio. "Are you going to do it again if I don't beat you with a belt?"

Peter falters. "N-No."

"So it's unnecessary," Elio shrugs. "No punishment. Actually, no punishments ever. For anything. I don't wanna do that. It'll just make us both feel bad."

"...never?" Peter stares at Elio like he has two heads.

"Never," Elio nods. "Look, you already got consequences. You were sick and you feel sorry now. So… that's enough."

Peter is quiet, and Elio uses the moment to take the belt. He doesn't understand why you would actually hit a Pet. That's still a human being.

"What's the point of punishing a Pet like you, anyway?" Elio asks, half-rhetorically. "How are you supposed to take care of people if you're injured?"

"Usually Service Pets wouldn't be punished," Peter explains in a soft voice. "But it… it was part of my responsibilities. Master had anger issues. If Master was hitting me when he was angry, he wouldn't break important things."

Elio folds his arms. Remembers the conversation from last night. "I'm not gonna hit you if I'm mad. You're… you're important, Pete."

Peter blinks, then smiles. There's a warm sensation in his chest. "Thank you, Sir."

Sir thinks I'm important.

taglist: @whumpsday @roblingoblin285 @whumpycries @kira-the-whump-enthusiast @clairelsonao3 @dislexiher @whumpingwithclara-alt @theonewithallthefixations @panstardalia @snakebites-and-ink @goronska

[blkkizzat]

hey! i've seen your post about whb and want to say that i agree with you completely! like yeah pb fucked up much enough lately, but i've been following the game since pre-registration and from that moment on saw complaints very often. literally about everything. and it`s not even criticism it`s just complaining and insults! and ok ok i understand and not forbid complaining, but if complaints are constant and about everything, then why are you playing? just leave the game and have some rest and all this talk that there is no content for f2p players...well, no? to begin with, this game definitely doesn`t position itself as one that needs to be played 24 hours, 7 days a week. 15-20 minutes a day will be enough. and this is one of the main problems of the fanbase imo - expecting from the game more than it can give you also want to mention that me as f2p player don't consider NP as something terribly cashgrabbing bad. yes, if it was a little cheaper it would be better, but it`s the best option to get the character and his artifact GUARANTEED, sorry not sorry

(english is not my native language, so i apologize for any possible mistakes! and you can also ignore this message if you find it uncomfortable! i'm just glad that there are those who share the same opinion as i do about this situation)

yes you get it! criticisms are fine, but the constant insults and a unhelpful complaining that is crazy. even more crazy how people will play a game they openly dislike and keep making themselves frustrated.

but omg yes, i said that over on reddit and people hated it. this game (even for P2P) is not a 24/7 content type game like genshin or a lot of other gacha is. It's meant to be played 2-5 hours a day max and most of that is doing panty party if you wanna get to level 100 each time. I have every character but school Levi and the xmas angels (got beach raphael tho!) and I definitely could be playing more than i do but i like pacing myself and taking my time. This is not the main game someone should be playing.

yeah agree, NP could be cheaper but otherwise its near four times that amount to buy enough seals for 220 pity if you end up needing it. Also its significant steady income for PB.

your english is great! i honestly wouldnt have known if you didnt tell me. thank you for your thoughts pookies! 🫶🏽🫶🏽