#its been so long since I've been so excited and stressed over an upcoming end to a show

[jinxofthedesert]

I am legit on my knees praying for the finale of Bad Batch to be an hour long.

[teenwolf-theoriginals]

over the past week, i've gotten some lovely messages asking if i'm okay, where i was, basically kind anons sending love. and then there were a few anons who asked about my peaky fics. this is kind long, so i'll put it under the "keep reading" line.

firstly, thank you to those who checked in. am i okay? not really, that's why i took time away. lately, it has been a real struggle with writing. i know it seems like i'm singing the same old tune. but this time around it felt different. i needed to step away, take time out for me and try to figure out why mentally i wasn't connecting with writing. i haven't completely figured it out, i'm still slowly working through falling back in love with my writing. it's been small steps this past week. i have written a little more for the shelby chaos family, organizing the stories has helped me break them down, it's just a matter of committing to writing them and hopefully not hating what i write. on top of me disconnecting with my writing, i felt really deflated with life in general. short version, i'm just feeling so sick and tired of feeling like nothing is working out for me. it's little things that had piled up, getting my hopes up with personal things, and dealing with up and down emotions.

secondly, the reason why my peaky fics aren't visible is because i have made them private. a large reason why i was starting to disconnect from writing was because every time i looked through my notifications, 99% of them were people mass liking. it made me question what the point was in me stressing over these fics, trying to perfect them if that's how they were going to be treated (if so many think writers should write for themselves, then why not just keep them to myself, which made me feel really sad that i was having that kind of thought). that then led me to self-doubt and i didn't want that to spiral further and end up hating my writing to the point where i stopped writing altogether. so, i made the decision to cut out seeing those mass likes for the sake of my sanity and love for writing (a.k.a overthinking brain making issues more intense and stressful than they need to be). if i wasn't constantly seeing like after like after like after like, i could focus solely on finding that spark again for writing. i know it might seem like a drastic or silly thing to do. i know most won't understand unless you have gone through that as a writer or content creator. it's very difficult to communicate just how mass liking can affect a content creator if you aren't one. it's a struggle writers go through constantly and it sucks. so many writers have shared how powerful feedback, interest, and excitement can be and it feels pointless because it ends up being the same tiresome cycle. there is only so much excitement a writer can harass for their own fics before they need others to do the same. this quote by ernest hemmingway describes it perfectly: "writing, at its best, is a lonely life". writers spend so much time alone with their fics, that sharing them makes us not feel so alone. and i don't think asking for a better balance between likes/reblogs/comments is an unreasonable request (also, i understand tumblr's algorithm sucks and it's hard to get most content to a wider audience. especially if so many are posting and only the popular ones end up on top of the tags. that is why reblogging is so important).

i don't know when i'm going to make the peaky fics public again. i don't think right now i'm 100% in a place where i can do that and not go back into that rabbit hole of self-doubt, frustration, over-thinking, etc. i might do so once i have finished a fic. i might even post later more about the shelby family chaos series, share a little bit of the upcoming fics. i hope nobody is too angry at me for privatising the fics. you will be able to read them again, just please be patient with me. especially since there are a handful of fics that you guys will be getting, so i hope that sorta makes up for not being able to read my older peaky fics right now...

also, in regard to my tommy "sweetheart" series. i made the decision after reading through it to delete all chapters but the first one. i know that may disappoint some people, but i have tried to find something that i like within it and i just haven't been able to. i really love the first part, but the rest i hated. and i know some may think that's unfair, especially if other people did love it, but i wasn't happy with it and i don't think the quality of the other parts matched the quality of the first part. maybe, way way down the road, i will write something new for it. but for now, it's going to stay a one-shot like it originally was meant to be.

i'm sending lots of love to anybody who may be struggling right now, or may not feel good enough either when it comes to writing, personal issues, etc. you are good enough! please, take care of yourself, it is not selfish to do so. life is heavy at times, find some joy and hold on to it. breathe and take it one day at a time. if you ever feel overwhelmed, talk to someone, blast your favourite tunes, go outside, binge-watch your favourite show. just do things that make you feel happy and peaceful. ♡

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here my friend, back after a couple of weeks visiting family and refereeing family drama (I love them but visits remind me why I physically live far away from them). Anyway I'm sorry your work is being super shitty and you have to walk a fine there right now, that sucks and I'm reviewing them poorly on your behalf 😤.

So instead of indulging in the salt this time I am here to get super excited with you over the upcoming RWRB movie!! After seeing the trailer I immediately went and read the book and I am now aggressively glaring at the calendar waiting for August 11th to fucking get here already. Its been too long since since we've gotten to flail about our blorbos on here and I am ready 🤩🤩🤩.

And do you know the best thing bestie?? There's no self-indulgent showrunner behind the scenes to force out-of-character narrative or unneeded and unwanted side characters on us because they think it makes good drama (okay maybe this will be mildly salty). The story is set, the director seems to excited about the chance to do the actual source material, and everything we've seen from clips looks on point. And its not that I don't enjoy the prospect of seeing a story unfold in new and unexpected ways that a good procedural can do, I love that anticipation and love it even more when it pays off well, but its been awhile since that's happened. It feels like all the shows we've indulged in have just disappointed and I'm so ready to have the story of my blorbos have a happy ending that makes some fucking sense for the characters, that's been built up to and not "earned" through pointless drama but through a real journey that shows the characters discovering the ending they deserved from the start.

So let's get excited about this!! And if we're going to be excited about this do you think we should be song level excited?? Let me know!

Hello my friend! I'm glad you had time to visit family, and then time to be away from family. I know that feeling for sure! Sorry I'm so late getting to this. Work is stressing me TF out, so to relax, I spent the weekend camping (RV-ing) which was nice but also did not involve a lot of good sleep (it's just...so hot. and some people like to play music until 2am). Then I nearly spent this evening on a 4 hour round trip to see my brand new nephew but that was blessedly cancelled so I have time to finish the last few rows of his baby blanket and also answer this ask before it somehow ends up being already Friday and time for RWRB!

I keep going back and forth because on the one hand, there are things from the book I know for sure have been cut and I'm going to miss (whyyyy was this not a 6-8 episode mini-series?!) or things that are going to play out differently than the book which is always a little sad when you're waiting to see how these actors deliver a particular scene only for it to never happen, or the scene to happen differently, or with different dialogue. On the other hand, everything, even if it's not exactly what I would have pictured, just looks SO good and SO funny and fun, and like it all has SO much heart and love and joy behind it. It's like...it's going to be different, but out of necessity for run time/rating, not because someone got tapped to make a story from source material they didn't particularly enjoy or respect and therefore don't really care how they butcher the source material to meet runtime, as long as the studio can make merch with pretty faces. (No, of course I haven't been burned multiple times by books I loved being turned into movies/shows by people who scorn the source material and the intended audience. Why would you think that? 🙃) So I think I can leave space to mourn the changes and missing characters (Cash my absolute beloved! The June/Alex sibling relationship forever relegated to my re-reads and my dreams, the fact that I've seen several mentions of "the/a sex scene" strongly implying we aren't getting as much spice as one would hope given the source material etc), while still being REALLY excited to see what we get and to enjoy a movie so clearly crafted with love and respect of the source material. It's going to be a wild ride of emotions for sure!

And bestie you are sooo right, that after a long string of disappointments, it's going to feel soooo good to win! (Also, the director going back and adding more f-bombs because he found out about the R rating is hilarious and I love him for it.) It's going to feel so good to not have everyone bending over backwards to push just enough subtext to keep people saying "surely this HAS to mean something!" and then turning around and telling fans they're seeing things and it doesn't mean anything. 🙄 (oops! My own salt slipped out there a bit 🤣) ALSO!! There is something that really stood out to me and it was one of they guys saying how great it was they were friends because it was important for the love to be "real". Which struck me because it was almost word-for-word what Vlamis and Tyler said about playing Malex, and the love between them needing to be real, and we all saw how that turned out! Chemistry wise, it's unmatched (even if the show squandered it at every turn) and it's getting me really excited to see how it translates to screen for Henry and Alex with TZP and NG working with the same theory of the love being real. I think they are going to blow everyone away and I can't wait to see it!

I ABSOLUTELY think we should do a song if you're so inspired and I will do my absolute best to respond before Friday and also convince my mom that we don't need to out of town to see the baby until Saturday morning so I can watch it as soon as I get off work Friday.

Cheers bestie! We finally have something to celebrate!