#its an absolute hipe MY GOD

[illogical-kawaii-potato]

I'm sorry if I hurt you. Truth is, I'm confused. The betrayal has me feeling like our relationship was a lie when I know it wasn't. I'm hurt and didn't give me an excuse to hurt you back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I also told you about the miscarriage. I really didn't want to hurt you. I just wanted you to know why all of this hurt me so much. I guess I was just hoping that you would still love me like you did when I k ow it wasn't the case. Its not your fault you're moving on...I just wish I was able to do it as fast as could as well. The truth is, is still something o deserved you. Even if you hurt me I still think that I didn't deserve any of the love you gave me. I always wanted someone to do the things I would do for them but I dont think o deserve any of it. Truth be told o think I'm an awful fucking person and I try to convimve myself that I have a heart of gold when I know I don't. I do t hate you..and I don't think I ever will be able to. Because I want the absolute best for you and even afyer all this I still want ghe beat for you. Maybe this scared me because I thought you would turn back into a terrible person. And I don't want you to...I want you to be the best person you can be..the person I know you can be...even if I'm hurt...I can only remember the good tho vs you e done for me...and I can only hope to god that he heals you of any pain you feel. Because even when I'm hurting and I'm writing this down...I can only help but smile with all these happy memories I have with you. And if I ever seem to hate you just know I don't. I go through periods where I say that I deserve better or that you werent good for me but thats just because I'm really hurt. I'm trying to sort my feelings out. I never thought that I was too good for you in the relationship and i meant it when I said you were more than enough because I still feel like I'm the one that wasn't. I'm just trying to understand my own feelings. I don't regret being with you. It was one of the most wonderful things I've ever experienced. I'm just having trouble adjusting to the loss of it and I'm sorry if I'm such a hitch because my pride is hurt. It doesn't excuse any of my hurtful actions towards you. I just still want only the best for you bevause youre still the only person ive loved enough to want the best for even if I'm hurt or even if I can't be with you. I'm sorry we both were toxic to one another. But I'm thankful for the lessons youve taught me. I also don't haye you for the miscairriage so okease dont beat yourself up over it. I don't blame you or myself. It wasn't really anyone's fault. It hurts me yes but I don't hold any blame on you whatsoever for it. And I didn't want to hurt you with it I really didn't...I just didn't think it was fair for me to be the only one to hold on to the burden and I'm sorry if my selfish thought about it hurt you. Even if you hate me down thw line I understand...but i would still only want the beat for you. And seeing you hurt still hurts me. So please don't destroy yourself over this. Please just be a better person than I know you could be and stop hurting yourself. I still believe you're one of the people who deserves norhing but haoiness in this world and I can't promise ill stop loving you but ay least I can promise that I will never get in the way of becoming something great in life. If I can't stop loving you then I will forever distanve myself. Although I hipe I can because I want to be happy too. I want both of us to be happy.