#its all so confusing and i still feel bad
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icarusredwings · 22 hours ago
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I think that Wade is a heavy switch, but the moment you offer him to bottom, he's already assuming the position.
Logan is used to topping and yes he's a service top but man sometimes wade can get him in this mood ans take such good care of him that he's a mess, ripping the sheets, trying to cover his face, doing this weird mixed whine and growl because god hes so happy and wade makes sure hes okay during the entire thing but hes also pissed off because hes suppose to be the top.
Toxic masc things tell him that being the bottom is bad. But his husband tells him such sweet things and he cant help but wrap his legs around him like hes gonna leave him.
" 'm not going anywhere, baby. Promise. Come're, yeah, you like that? Oh theres my big strong boy. Hes doing so good for me oh yes he is."
Its the death of him. And it only took once.
Wade did it exactly once. And suddenly... he understands how Vanessa could stay so long, and makes the immediate decision that he isnt leaving either without a fight.
Hes so confused after too. Like what just happened? He was just told all these nice things, held, kissed, cuddled, brought snacks and a water, Wade had even had him cleaned up before his high was even over.
He just sits there... staring.. processing the fact that he could have felt this love THE WHOLE TIME? And no one told him?
Later he finds out that wade can do the same while riding him and man.. hes gonna have to put a ring on that thang sooner or later.
Is it possible to be so relaxed and loved, but still growl? Yes. And wade coes over him and rubs his cheeks telling him "Awww my big scary wolvie. You're so mad at me aren't you? Some guy making you feel all these emotions and they're all just bubbling up, huh?"
"Gggr-....Mmmhmmh...."
"Awww yeah I know big boy. My brave honey badger. It's okay, I got you. I'd never be upset with you for having confusing feelings, Loagie."
Oh great now hes hard agian.
Just keeps being like and it becomes somewhat of logans addiction for awhile. Being talked to like this while his brains are fucked out.
If you throw vanessa in the mix suddenly everyone is playing twister because one night ness can be the boss and the next logan is the boss, and then sometimes, rarely, Wade is the boss and those nights are very cuddly and full of babbling dirty talk and kisses.
Either way- when you throw two touch starved insecure and untrusting men together you are bound to have a praise kink sesh at least twice a week.
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katherinakaina · 2 days ago
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I keep seeing once in a while people pondering on an apparent contradiction in Daniil’s character – he is said to be a rationalist but he is evidently extremely emotional. Those things do not go together, right? People notice their confusion. They find all sorts of interesting explanations. From him being manipulative and performative, using his displays of emotion like tools to control people. To him not being rational at all actually, him lying to himself and others, not even knowing who he is, pretending and failing.
Every time I get over it and completely forget and then another one of these hits me in the face. What I forget is that in common understanding rationality is opposed to being emotional. While in the community it is a basic level understanding that there are rational emotions and irrational ones. The same way there are rational beliefs and irrational beliefs (which is to say true and false basically).
From here:
A popular belief about “rationality” is that rationality opposes all emotion—that all our sadness and all our joy are automatically anti-logical by virtue of being feelings. …
For my part, I label an emotion as “not rational” if it rests on mistaken beliefs, or rather, on mistake-producing epistemic conduct. “If the iron approaches your face, and you believe it is hot, and it is cool, the Way opposes your fear. If the iron approaches your face, and you believe it is cool, and it is hot, the Way opposes your calm.” Conversely, an emotion that is evoked by correct beliefs or truth-conducive thinking is a “rational emotion”; and this has the advantage of letting us regard calm as an emotional state, rather than a privileged default. …
Becoming more rational—arriving at better estimates of how-the-world-is—can diminish feelings or intensify them. Sometimes we run away from strong feelings by denying the facts, by flinching away from the view of the world that gave rise to the powerful emotion. If so, then as you study the skills of rationality and train yourself not to deny facts, your feelings will become stronger. …
I visualize the past and future of humankind, the tens of billions of deaths over our history, the misery and fear, the search for answers, the trembling hands reaching upward out of so much blood, what we could become someday when we make the stars our cities, all that darkness and all that light—I know that I can never truly understand it, and I haven’t the words to say. Despite all my philosophy I am still embarrassed to confess strong emotions, and you’re probably uncomfortable hearing them. But I know, now, that it is rational to feel.
Daniil probably suppresses some of his emotions to be taken seriously. But this is masking. And he is bad at it. He has strong emotions and strong convictions and they spill out of him regardless. He also values truth and honesty and that’s another reason why he can’t fully suppress his authenticity.
But all of it is about how to behave in polite society. How not to freak out neurotypicals. It has nothing to do with his thinking process, his beliefs and his goals. His rationality.
Now you can argue that his sincerity and his openness are irrational instrumentally, which is to say they lead to his downfall. He should have masked better and become more cynical if he wanted to succeed. Maybe? But that would also have its downsides, I’m pretty sure. (we’ll see what apathy meter does to his decision making soon enough)
Anyway, that is not the point I see people make. And I just really want people to stop making it. Strong emotions, strong ideals, passionate belief in a better future for humanity – those are all perfectly rational if they align with truth. And he does fail as a rationalist quite a lot as well, but this is purely an epistemological issue that has nothing to do with him being emotional.
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1toreyouapart · 1 day ago
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The Lies We Tell
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***FANFIC THAT INVOLVES REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. MDNI. DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T LIKE FANFIC THAT INVOLVES REAL PEOPLE***
Summary that tells you nothing: Sometimes everything you ever wanted has been right there, within reach, all along.
CW/TW: Angst, fluff, swearing, friends to lovers, jealousy, smut, fingering, PinV, pet names, friends with benefits, more to come as I actually get things written out.
Masterlist
The Kiss
Dread settled into his stomach as he checked the time. Again. 9pm. Either she was coming home soon or she would be gone another six hours. Seemed these dates either went wrong fast, or they went well enough for her to go home with them. If she didn’t come home until the middle of the night, the sushi he had ordered and was sitting in the fridge would be a “surprise” lunch tomorrow, as usual. One thing he had learned about her the night they had met was her love of sushi. It was her comfort food. Stressed? She wanted sushi. Sad? Sushi was the answer. Just not feeling well in general? You guessed it, sushi. Unbeknownst to Quinn he had actually started learning how to make it just so he could surprise her with it. Maybe get her in the kitchen with him to make it soon.
She would get so frustrated, but he loved cooking with her. Always so serious in the kitchen, whereas he was always coaxing her into having fun with it. Having fun with him. Quinn had a tendency to take things too seriously sometimes. Making a mess in the kitchen? She hated that. Part of him kind of loved antagonizing her a bit. The way she would look at him as he intentionally spilled the smallest amount of something on the counter. And even after all this time she still hadn’t figured out that was his warning before he would start a full on food fight with her.
Another glance at the clock. 9:20pm. If the date had gone bad early on she would be home in the next 30 minutes. She never went too far from home for the first part of the date. And if she was headed to their place after the date, she always turned location sharing back on with him. Just like he had taught her. Always meet them at the location. Stay close to home in case of emergency, and always let someone know where she was going. The fact she hadn’t shared her location with him yet was driving him insane. Logically he knew they were still at the restaurant. Which he had the address of. But the illogical part of him said she had stupidly left the restaurant with this guy and was lying in a ditch somewhere.
The front door swung open, the sound of her shoes being kicked off and hitting the wall startling him. He hadn’t even heard her key in the lock. Noah quickly checked his phone, making sure he hadn’t missed her usual “On my way home” text. Nothing. Oh, fuck. That meant one thing. The date had gone so terribly he doubted even sushi and a movie could fix it. He didn’t dare look up at her, even. The last time she had come home like this and he’d done that she went off about how she didn’t need his pity.
Usually she went straight for the kitchen and brought back the sushi that she inevitably made him eat with her. This time, however, she flung herself down on the couch, her body stretching out beside him while her head found its place in his lap. This was new. Unusual. Had it really been that bad? Slightly terrified of what he would find he looked down at her, noting that while there weren’t any marks on her, at least not on her face, it was obvious she had been crying. Her makeup was smudged just so.
“Hey, baby. What’s wrong?” His voice was quiet. Calm in spite of the confusion and anger swirling inside him. What the fuck had happened?
“He spent the entire hour at the restaurant talking about how much money he makes and how cool his stupid fucking car is.”
Okay. He was right. Dude was a total tool. But that didn’t explain the state she came home in.
“What the fuck did he do?”
Guilt pierced him when she flinched at his raised voice, but he couldn’t stop himself. The thought that he had hurt her, that this waste of oxygen might have put his hands on her, was driving him up the wall.
“Quinn! What the fuck did he do?!” He pulled her up to sit in his lap, his hands wandering over her as he searched for injuries.
“He didn’t touch me, Noah.” She swallowed, finally meeting his eyes. “He made a gross comment about goth girls, and I ended the date.”
Relief surged through him and he clutched her against him, hugging her as tight as he could without hurting her. He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of peaches that always clung to her. That scent had become home to him. Shit, she was home for him. This asshole hadn’t put his hands on her. At least there was that.
“He-he followed me outside. Told me good luck finding a man that would put up with me. And…Noah, he’s fucking right. Look at my track record. Look at how we met! I was some sad, heartbroken girl drinking her sorrows away.”
Quinn broke. Right there in his arms. His words from earlier rang loud as fuck in his head. Telling her she had shitty taste in men. Her broken sobs, muffled by his shoulder, shattered him into millions of little pieces. She had never sounded like this before. Not even the night they had met. No matter what happened she never broke like this. So he did the only thing he could think to do at that moment. He took her head in his large hands, lifted it off his shoulder, and pressed his lips against hers in the hope that he wasn’t making the biggest mistake of his life.
Tag: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard
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monotonesmile · 2 days ago
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Hiii!! Can I request a ROTTMNT x Fem!Reader Villains but there is a twist when the reader steals stuff or kidnapped someone she doesn't hurt them and she returns the stolen stuff after a week or so but she still does bad stuff, beating people up and working with older villains and holding hostels (but doesn't hurt the hostels) and the police have not to cart her yet because she just they good
And I love reading your writing it beating my day every time I read one of them:)
Rottmnt X Villain!Fem!Reader Headcanons
[Warnings: Mention of hostage situations.]
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Leo
Leo probably is the most irritating brother Y/N has to deal with, although she will absolutely find his puns hilarious. Leo is probably one of the few that can get a visceral reaction out of her from his puns. (Which makes him even more cocky than he already is)
Leo definitely doesn’t appreciate her holding people hostage, regardless of the reasoning, so he’ll always stop her, he distracts her while his brothers free everyone.
When it comes to stealing, he’s more relaxed about it, stealing is common, although he always tries to get her to return the items, and much to his surprise, the stolen items return to their stores after a few days.
As for her working with the older villains, he’s a little pouty about it because half of them tried to kill him at some point, and you’re working with them! But he treats it the same as he would to most villains, with a whole bunch of puns and quips.
I’d say it takes Leo a few months, maybe five to seven months, to catch feelings, when he notices, he becomes the most flustered person you will ever see, he is not good at dealing with actual romantic feelings towards others, so he just continues his puns and quips, but over time they’ll become more flirty and more like pickup lines.
Like I said, Leo becomes easily flustered around Y/N after realizing his feelings. His puns and quips become pickup lines, which likely makes her intrigued and she probably finds them just as funny as his puns. Leo will also start to try and reform her, which he is quite good at, surprisingly. He will also just start talking to her instead of fighting while distracting her, engaging in actual conversation instead of making jokes.
At a point, Y/N would probably realize that his pickup lines are genuinely Leo trying to flirt with her, which makes her disappear for a while, and that causes Leo to worry because she hasn’t been seen for over a week. After a week she reappears and makes sure to do a crime to only get Leo’s attention, when he arrives, Y/N would admit she knows he likes her, making Leo very blushy and nervous, yet his nerves are eliminated the moment she returns his feelings. Leo is ecstatic once she tells him, he probably hugs her and says how much a relief that is to him.
Leo, after a few months of their relationship, starts to notice how Y/N begins to turn a new leaf, slowly moving away from her villainous lifestyle and becoming something similar to an antihero, she’s still a bit more brutal than he and his brothers are when it come to fighting villains but she is now saving lives and no longer stealing/holding hostages. This makes Leo very happy, he’d probably celebrate this with a cake or something, especially on their anniversary!
Bonus! Cuddles and Churrs: Leo can be compared to a cat when it comes to cuddling, he will be holding onto you and he will be laying on you, you cannot escape him. As for his churrs, he’s pretty much the average churr, it’s low but also just pretty consistent with its rhythm, it’s a very comfortable sound to listen too,
Donnie
Donnie is probably way more tolerable to Y/N out of them all, she likely finds his intelligence interesting, usually asking him questions during their fights, which confuses him at first, thinking it was some tatic, before realizing that it was genuine questions, making him more excited to actually face off against her again.
Donnie takes the hostage situations seriously, while Leo usually distracts her, Donnie is the one that is the one getting past any security measures and releasing the hostages with Mikey.
Donnie is more curious what Y/N could be using any stolen tech for, which after the items are returned, he usually steals them to see if there were any hints or clues left behind by her. He tries to stop her (but his curiosity makes him more likely to let her get away).
Now for working with older villains, he’s confused why she even would in the first place, but again, takes it as seriously as he would while fighting their usual enemies.
Donnie takes the longest to acknowledge his romantic feelings towards Y/N, which once he realizes it, he’d likely be in denial of his feelings, not wanting to admit that he likes a criminal, but even so, he does want to learn more about her, so he slowly starts to integrate more personal questions into their fights/talks.
Donnie will act mostly the same besides moments where he will ask about Y/N’s actual life and hobbies, if you have any interest in tech or science, he might fall even harder for you. Donnie would probably talk about his own tech with her, during fights he might pause and lean against his bo staff to ask questions before continuing your fight.
Donnie probably doesn’t even give Y/N time to notice his romantic feelings as he probably made a very detailed and informative plan with multiple responses planned out, so he gets her alone and tells her about his feelings, the multiple responses running through his mind, and when he hears her return his feelings, Donnie smugly admits he knew that would likely be her answer given all the evidence he collected during their interactions, making her chuckle a bit.
Donnie after a few weeks of dating would probably start to make Y/N look in a better light, trying to make her a hero instead, but once he learns that she’s still a bit brutal, even when helping people, he settles for her being an antihero instead. Donnie would probably congratulate her for being a hero now, and likely gifted her some tech he builds so she wouldn’t have to steal anymore.
Bonus! Cuddles and Churrs: Donnie is definitely not the most touchy type, but he doesn’t mind you sitting near him in his lab, and if you manage to get him to sleep, he, like his twin, will be holding onto you like a lifeline. Now Donnie’s churrs are pretty normal too, they’re a bit more higher in pitch but sometimes when he exhales while churring he ends up hissing, which embarrasses him a lot.
Raph
Raph is one Y/N is neutral about, Raph wants her to stop her crimes and instead help people with her skills, but she won’t, she’s far too stubborn to listen, yet Raph is also just as, if not more, stubborn, and will scold her like he does with his brothers.
Raph is the one that takes almost every crime she commits seriously, no matter what happens, if Y/N gets past Leo, she’s usually faced against Raph afterwards, and he doesn’t go easy on her, he’s the main reason any hostage plans fail, because she can’t physically beat him in hand to hand combat.
Raph will, once again, scold her on why stealing is wrong if he catches her in the act, blocking her exit while crossing his arms. He does feel a bit happy when he discovers that she returns the items after a few days, still thinking she can do good.
Although he does think her dynamic with the older villains is kinda like a family dynamic, which he does end up asking about during one of their fights, which unfortunately she doesn’t give much of an answer, but he still wants to know, so he keeps asking.
Raph is the most accepting of his own feelings towards Y/N, mainly because I believe Raph thinks you can’t exactly control what your heart wants, but regardless, he treats her about the same but he’s more gentle in their fights and his scoldings. Raph doesn’t know how to express these feelings without just getting softer towards her.
Raph becomes softer towards Y/N, his scoldings become less harsh and more gentle, like he’s afraid of hurting her with words, just as he’s afraid to hurt her in fights, which he will now try to avoid if he can, it doesn’t feel right to him to fight the person he loves. If you end up in close proximity with him though, he becomes very stiff and red in the face, Raph can deal with many things…except his crush being very close to him.
Raph is the most obvious with his feelings as he quite literally says “I’m not going to fight someone I love.” to Y/N at a point, it did make her pause for a moment but Raph deflected everything by focusing back on scolding her in that moment, despite the blush on his face. So Y/N would know about his feelings for a while before she finally manages to get him to stop for a second so she can tell him that she feels the same, which made Raph surprised and he asked if she was being serious, and once she confirmed he wanted nothing more than to just bearhug her, and he did. She was very squished by Raph in that hug.
Raph would be over the moon about Y/N now fighting by his side and not against him. He’d be quick to notice her no longer committing crimes, having kept track of her villainous activities, and after noticing that she hadn’t stolen anything in over a month, he’d ask about it and she’d tell him that she’s trying to become better, like he always believed she could be.
Bonus! Cuddles and Churrs: If you’re cuddling with Raph, you’re likely laying next to each other or you are laying on top of him, Raph is very nervous when it comes to cuddling because of his size, so he always makes sure to be careful, although he does love being the big spoon so he can hold you. Raph’s churrs are practically rumbling growls, he’s very large and very loud, it’s like a jet engine, he probably ends up shaking you slightly from just his churring alone, especially if he’s holding you.
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[Request are open!!]
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rockermybuddie · 3 days ago
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I’ll Never Leave You
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Eddie x Buck
Summary: Eddie and Buck have a deep conversation on Eddies couch after Buck came over after his break up with Tommy.
Warnings: not proof read, unsure of what im even writing.
A/n: Im still not over Bucktommy break up. Blah blah blah yeah yeah yeah they only brought Tommy back for one reason.
Im still sad ok.
In my head this is what i need to see in the next episode. What i imagine is happening.
In no way am i trying to make Tommy the bad guy in this. If you have seen any of my other posts since Epi 6, you know i love Tommy and im a multi shipper.
——————
“Tommy broke up with me.” Buck muttered. Its the first thing either of them said since they sat in the couch, the case of beer almost empty.
Eddie paused and made his known face he makes when Buck tells him he broke up with is current partner.
He turns his head and sees how hurt Buck is. Of course breaking up with someone is hard but Tommy was good for Buck so even Eddie is feeling sad for Buck.
“I’m sorry Buck.” Eddie rubs Bucks shoulder reassuringly as he finishes off his beer.
The two sat there in silence again as Eddie doesn’t want to push Buck to talk and Buck is wondering why no one stays in his life.
“We both dated Abby.”
“Really?” Eddie furrows his brows as he proceeds to think of what Buck just said.
“Yep. Tommy and Abby were engaged. And after that i was the himbo.”
“Himbo?” Eddie snorted but quickly cleared his throat when he saw the look Buck was giving him.
“Sorry.”
Eddie got up and grabbed another six pack from the fridge bringing it into the living room handle Buck another beer.
“I asked him to move in with me.”
“You did?” Eddie thinks of how long him and Tommy have been together but then again he cant say anything. He asked Marisol to move in with him.
“Then he said that ‘I’ would end up breaking his heart because he knows how this ends.”
Buck leaned his head back against the couch as he finished off another beer.
“I thought he was the one. He said that he was my first not my last. But they can be they same thing, thats what i told him. He didnt believe me. Do you believe me?” Buck looks over at Eddie who is fingering his beer bottle.
“Y-yeah, sure….they can be the same thing.” Eddie mumbles out. The beer is starting to get to him.
Buck puffs out his cheeks as he looks down at the floor. He notices Eddie is still just in his underwear and a button down with the collar flipped up. But he doesn’t say anything about it.
“Everyone always leaves me.” Buck says after minutes of silence. A tear falls down his cheek but he wipes it away.
“Maddie has left me multiple times, my parents clearly didnt want me in the first place. Bobby left. The damn lawsuit. And everytime i ask someone to move in with me, they leave.” Buck named off everyone whos ever left him making him realize that maybe hes the problem.
“Buck we are all way past the lawsuit.” Eddie reminds him. “Bobby came back to the 118. Maddie and Chimney are here and Hen is here.”
“I know. I just wish people who claim they love me would stay.” Buck says
“We all love you Buck.”
“Not like that.”
Eddie turns his head and looks at Buck, the conversation at the coffee shop with Father Brian.
“You’ll always have me Buck.” Eddie tells him, he feels his heart beat start to race and he starts to feel sweat droplets around his forehead.
Buck turned his head looking at Eddie and repeated what Eddie had just said in his head trying to put it in place with the conversation.
“What do you mean by that?” Buck asks
“I- i um… I’m your best friend.”
“Yeah?” Buck can clearly tell something is going on with Eddie, and its not how drunk he is something was going on before he got there.
“I lied to you.” Eddie says, he sees the hurt fill Bucks face even more and it makes him feel even worse.
“About what?” Buck asks him. “Being my best friend?”
“No. About me. Who i am.” He sees the pain he caused turn into confusion on Bucks face.
“I went and talked to Father Brian and he said that I’m punishing myself of ‘joy’ told me to find a way to express myself.” Eddie explains
“Is that why you shaved?” Buck asks
“Part of it.”
“The other part is because i was hiding from myself.” Eddie confessed. He found it easy to talk to Buck, he didnt feel pressure or judged.
“Are you done hiding from yourself?” Buck asks. He knows Eddie feels like a failed parent since Chris is in Texas with his parents.
He knows Eddie hasnt been himself since and he hasn’t wanted to push him about it.
“Im not sure.” Eddie says “theres something else.”
Buck reaches for another beer, as he leans back onto the couch hes a bit closer to Eddie. Their arms brush against each other as Buck takes a swig of the beer. Waiting for someone to say another word.
“Find joy” Eddie mumbles
“Hmm?” Buck looks over at Eddie.
“Joy.” Eddie places a hand on Bucks cheek as he looks into Bucks blue eyes.
“Eddie.” Buck says, the hand on his cheek feeling like a hot mold leaving a scar on his face.
This had to be the beer because why is Eddie staring into his sould wetting his lips with his tongue.
“Kiss me.” Eddie whispers
“W-what?”
“Kiss me.” He repeats
At first Buck thought he was joking there was no way Eddie wanted him to kiss him. Eddie was straight to his knowledge.
“A-are you sure?” Buck asks as he notices the tent in Eddies underwear. Its pretty easy to see since hes not wearing any pants.
“Yes.”
Eddie asking Buck to kiss him sobered him up but as soon as Buck leaned down and placed his lips on Eddies he was drunk again.
Eddies lips were warm and soft against his.
Eddie adjusted himself on the couch so Buck was above him between his legs.
Bucks tongue worked its way ino Eddies mouth as Eddies fingers slipped under his shirt.
The two were shirtless chest to chest as they made out.
“Is this what joy feels like?” Eddie asks
“Yes.” Buck quickly answered.
-
As Buck laid on Eddies bare chest listening to his heart beat all these thought were rushing through his mind.
His boyfriend just broke up with him, he came to his best friend’s house to drink a beer and to not be a lone only to have ended up making out with his best friend.
That was a very Buck 1.0 move.
He just made out with his best friend who hasnt came out to himself.
What if it was all the beer?
What if this isnt what Eddie really wants?
Buck cant go back like nothing happened.
———-
A/n: I’ll probably write another story once we know what happens next episode.
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chaotic-average-child · 2 months ago
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getting back on my drawing slowly but surely ^^ here's an aleena
#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sth aleena#aleena the hedgehog#sorta vent in tags but its more rambling TDLR i got injured right after the other stuff lol :sob:#just a tw for xacto knives & vomitting#I probably would have gotten back sooner but I ended up having a pretty nasty accident with an Xacto knife#design students remember your xacto safety and dont end up like me#my mom says it's probably because I was distracted with other events so I wasn't paying as much attention as i should have#you always feel like they're overreacting about safety till you end up in an accident :skull:#or well#Ive been cut before with Xactos but they weren't from cutting straight against a ruler and not realizing your finger is in the way#they were mostly because of how I'd accidentally push my finger too close to the back of the knife#and circles#“Go fast with a lot of pressure” - my design teacher's instructions on straight lines... yeah. I did that.#It's kinda crazy though cause I've gotten worse injuries but HOLY FUCK#Like yeah. Spraining my ankles hurt... burns hurt... that time my elbow just decided to be unbearably painful for no reason#that last one still confuses me cause what the hell??? anyways this time was just#an actual ridiculous amount of pain for what it was#I threw up 5 times from the pain all at once... which has only ever happened before with the elbow thing#at least this was an actual reason. unlike the elbow... which I LITERALLY JUST WOKE UP AND IT WAS SEARING PAIN LIKE WHAT THE HELL????#anyways#Now that it doesnt hurt as bad it's kinda neat to look at#and think about in hindsight cause it bled a lot :sob:
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bunnyboy-juice · 23 days ago
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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icarusredwings · 3 days ago
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Gonna have to reject your offer of He/ It cheif. Managment (Logan) would kill you for even inferring the idea.
Other people would come along and be like "What is that thing!??"
And you would just see Logan shift instantly from "Yeah ill give you a can of beans and a place to rest" to "Get the fuck off my property before you become his dinner" all while Wade is just... sitting there... behaving??
"He's not a THING! Thats my husband you asshole! And if you don't like it then fuck off!" Followed by Gabby going "Thats my papa you jerk!"
"It's just a zombie? You're married to a sombie!?"
"Again- HES my husband. I said till death do us part except death really isnt his thing so im stuck with him. You got a problem with that!?"
It makes Wade always very happy to be defended even though he surely could do it himself. For the most part things are pretty tame.
But he DOES clap a bit when logan mentions feeding him. 'Ooh yay, I get fed multiple times today' kind of way since Logan is very strict about resources, Wades is not allowed to just eat whatever because he'd probably just eat everything.
Sometimes if Logan forgets to feed him, He'll come to Logan and give him this specific whine, like a dog begging for bacon scraps only for Logan to feel terrible. "Oh my god Im sorry we were so busy today and- ... You're starving and you're not trying to bite me... you're trying so hard.. aw fuck wade.. im so sorry.. what am I going to do with you?"
"Mmm.... rawhrah?"
"Right. Feed you before you go insane. Got it."
Some days are like this. When he's clearly much more human. Being permitted cuddles and nuzzles, to play with gabby and to sleep in the bed. It's very rare that Logan lets him sleep in the bed. But it's the happiest day for wade when he is. And its not like they can even do anything (bro lost his dick miles ago and has no clue where the fuck it went but it just fell off somewhere and now hes a ken doll. This is great for those of you who like transfem wade COUGH COUGH)
But even if it didn't fall off its not like they could do anything anyway, They can't even kiss on the lips anymore. Logan has a theory that it's similar to rabies, where the infection has to be spread through saliva into an open cut or your mouth, etc.
So the nights he's allowed, they honestly just cuddle and stare at each other for a bit before sleeping. Usually, Wade is the little spoon because having Wade behind him is dangerous.
Wade heavily sees affection as a reward now, so getting to hug the girls is a massive thing for him, getting to sit there and watch gabby draw him is a big thing, hell Logan will sometimes even let Gabby play with wade out front because Wade has whole ass attacked other zombies whos tried to hurt gabby before.
One time Laura shot him in the head because gabby thought it would be a good idea to play "pretend zombie" and Wade didnt put two and two togerher that acting 'feral' as Logan calls it, outside with gabby would be a bad idea.
"What the fuck did you do that for!?"
"He was feral and going after gabs!!"
"Nu uh!! We were playing and you killed him for no reason! Youre so mean!"
Logan just sighs as gabby runs to her bed because it upsets her greatly when they have to 'keep wade in check' she fully understands that hes dangerous but deep down thats still her papa and watching your big sissy kill your papa is not something most 13 year olds would enjoy.
".. L.. you gotta stop wasting ammo. You know if it was really a code red that wouldn't do anything anyway. You have to decapitate him if you even want a flying chance. See?? Hes already up again... hi sweetie..."
Wade, whos sat up and now giving them a confused look of 'what did I do? 🥺'
"...arr Arawh"
"Im sorry, wade.." Laura squeaks out, still holding the shot gun. Shes just terrified of loosing gabby is all. To her, gabs is her responsibility.
"Rah awr rahrrr..."
"I know. She's sorry. She's just.. scared. No more playing that okay?"
"Mmh..😔"
There is infact some drift between laura and wade but neither of them mean it. Really they dont. If gabs is put of the picture Laura still smiles and talks to him but its like the moment gabby is near him Laura goes full protection mode and over reacts.
And FOR THE RECORD i have never seen the walking dead but its terrifying how accurate that picture is.
The longest Wade has been unconscious is probably 18 hours but this was before getting to the girls.
They have witnessed the exact thing you're saying, though. With Wade tied down in the shed, on his leash, and handcuffed, trying to talk to him, yelling at him to snap out of it because he's scaring the girls. Something different about feral wade from the other zombies though is it seems he's smarter, knawing on his handcuffs while most will just flail their arms helplessly. While his teeth dont do shit to the cuffs, its scary for Logan because it makes him think that one day he might actually have to find a way to kill him permanently.
He can undo locks, open cans, do many things that the others cant and he wants to believe its just Wades human part being stronger because in some weird way hes half mutant human and half zombie. A weird combo that makes him much different.
Laura, unlike gabby, too is terrified of one day wade going feral while their father is out collecting more supplies or hunting and she wont know what to do.
Wade isnt fast though. Thats the ONLY good thing. Hes smart, cant die, and is starving to death all the time. But hes slow. Infact he dosn't heal properly. His leg is half broken still from the last time it fell off and seems to barely be receptive to his brains nerves telling it to move so he lowkey drags it, only being able to use it to stand up right and take very small steps.
When he DOES finally come back hours later, He cries. Apologizes, begs for forgiveness, and most times is actually SCARED of Logan. While he hates it emotionally, he knows that logically it was a good thing for Wade to flinch away from him after being locked up.
A scared and fed zombie is a well-behaved zombie...
And before anyone comes here to say this is dehumanization of what ever else- HES LITERALLY NOT HUMAN ANYMORE.
Case closed. Besides I think wade would worry more about the fact of him trying to kill his kids then the fact hes leashed to a wall.
I dont CARE that it's November 9th and "Halloweens over" ITS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH ILL POST IF I WANT TOO
Anyway.
Thinking about apocolpse au.
Wade getting bitten by a zombie, Logan freaking out, Wade dying, and him coming back (Again)
"Didn't you just die?? I literally fucking burried you!!"
And wades like:
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"Of course. Man, God REALLY hates you dosn't he?"
And he's bassically the same person except just saying, "Rahhah har ran re" (translation: I think the devil doesn't want me either)
"What?? Oh for fucks sake... tell me you're kidding.."
"Rah?" 🤔
"Great so now you stink more and you can't talk. Fucking lovely."
"Mmmmh..." 🥺 (would you still love me if I was a zombie?)
"*sighs, blushes and grumbles how insane this is and how much of a bad idea this is* Fine! Come on...."
"Raah!!" 😄
And sometimes his limbs fall off because I think it would be funny if you just saw him stop, turn around, pick up his arm and shove it back into place like a dislocated shoulder. (Marvel Magic)
But its very obvious that Wade is still consious and so logan leads him around, puts a leash on him, ties him up when he goes to sleep the first few nights so wade dosn't eat him, sometimes luring him with a piece of his thigh or telling him he'll feed him soon to make him behave.
The only thing about this resource wise is that it seems Wade is a bottomless pit, not ever able to get enough. It's like all the nutrients just pass right through him, so he can't get fed meals daily, but Logan will share at least one bite of his food. It makes Wade so happy and way more "wade like" than zombie.
Logan has learned that the hungrier Wade gets the worse it would be, snapping at logan a few times.
"Grr-"
"Aye! That's enough outta ya"
"GggRah!"
"Hey!! I said no! Bad! Bad wade!"
"Mmmh??"
"Bad!!"
"Mmh....rahah.."
"I forgive you. But stop trying to bite me. I feed you, don't I? I hold your hand and tell you that I love you?"
Wade is actually extremely friendly for a zombie (duh) and still yaps at logan except its nonsense. Logan tries hard to understand him and talk back.
He holds his hand sometimes, even lays next to him only to scold him if he gets too bitey. This is hard because wade already had a biting issue and seeing as he practically ate anything or anybody now it was more difficult.
"...aahh-"
"Wade- No."
"Ggr.. raahh"
"Wade! No! Bad."
"Mmmh..."
"Ill feed you tomarrow. Don't bite me mkay? You wanna hurt me?"
He shakes his head like a dog shaking off from a bath, or that ate a bee.
"Then don't bite me."
"Mmh? Mrah?"
"No. No kisses right now. Im still not even sure if thats safe.."
"Mmmh...🥺 ahrrah?"
"No, not even a tiny one."
"Mm...😔"
Until Logan grunts and pecks his hand. "There. Happy?"
"🙂‍↕️mh"
"Good."
Honestly Logan felt bad, pitited him. No matter what food he ate it wasnt enough substance to sustain him and sometimes Logan would wake up to find him eating a different zombie that made the mistake of trying to eat Logan.
You ever wake up in the morning, lose your zombie boyfriend, call for him only to walk outside and see him knawing on some poor chaps arm like a happy puppy who found a chicken leg? Logan has. Many times. And he wishes his phone would charge so he could take a picture of it but unfortunately theres no electricity in the post apocalypse world.
This being said Logan is like- THE perfect guy for apocalypse au because he can smell everything and hear anyone before they even get to you, he has better wilderness survival skills then anyone I know and he'll never NOT have a weapon on him because of his claws. The only downside is that he's tired easily, needs a lot of food, and would lowkey be withdrawing from his tabccao and alchool, therefore very moody.
"Stupid fucking apocalypse having to happen when im fucking alive!! Why can't I just NOT live through ONE major historical event! Is that too fucking much to ask? One damn decade where everything is fine and dandy and- WADE! Get your ass away from that!! It's radioactive!! For fucks sake!"
"Rahahrah?"
"NO!! You can not become Spiderman! That's not how that works!"
"Aawr..😔"
The whole thing is they're on a quest to find Laura and Gabby, because when everything went to shit, they were on a cabin trip and now Logans brain is itching because he dosn't know where his babies are and its driving him insane. Once he finds them, they're gonna shack up somewhere with food and animals to hunt, and hes gonna make a little shed outside for Wade to sleep because he'll kill him if he bites one of the girls.
He dosnt care that much about himself really and he hates himself deep down for not being able to trust wade anymore but even wade dosnt trust wade, sometimes wandering off on purpose, staying about 30 feet away from him at all times, growling and giving Logan that glazed over look of unconsiousness. The only good thing about this, though, is after he removes himself from the idea of hurting Logan (because if logaj were to become infected - HA! Your all fucked. Utterly fucked. The whole humanoid species would go extinct because he'd kill anything that moved) he feels more trusting of him and it's not uncommon for them to hug after either. Afterall Wade- Some how???- is still wade and is very affectionate and sensitive when its not returned.
This whole thing also makes him think worse about himself, kicking reflective objects or staring at himself in a shop window in utter shock and disgust with a face of 'thats me..?' While logans raiding the place for supplies.
Did you know zombies can cry? Well, Wade could. Not a lot, only able to get a bit of liquid from dehydration, but sometimes Logan will catch him just... sitting there.. crying. Upset with himself for being bit. Upset with himself for trying to bite logan all the time. Upset at how ugly he is. Upset that he's starving all the time. Upset that he can't even talk to anyone, and Logan just has to guess what he's saying 90% of the time. Bro is literally
When they DO find Laura and Gabby, the girls are doing great. Laura was going to blow wades head off until Gabby ran in the shot, hugging him instantly, only to be ripped away.
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"Of course my dad is the weirdo married to a zombie." Laura grunts, but is secrelty happy that wade is still 'alive'
Gabby, being as young as she is, thinks it's so SICK that her dad is a zombie now, giggling when he talks to her and holding his hand. She's not allowed near him for long, and not at all by herself, but Gabby bassically becomes Wades number one supporter, defending him when he messes up and snaps at laura.
"He's just hungry!! He's not bad! It's not bad to be hungry!" She'll say. "You wouldn't kill me if I was hungry.." she tells her bigger, more survival oriented sister whos suggested putting wade out of his misery, for his own sake. "I tried that... he found me again 3 days later." Logan tells her with a pang in his chest. It had taken everything in him to kill him the first time, and sobbed himself to sleep the next 2 days. By the third when he noticed Wade following him from a distance he couldn't believe it.
Not even the apocalypse could keep them away from each other..
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pens-and-paperbacks · 2 months ago
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Endeavor is almost a perfect allegory for what the society in the mha universe does to people who can't be heroes or use their quirks in a way to benefit society, which is cast them aside or pass them over without over giving them a second glance until uh-oh! Suddenly they're worth being noticed because they're a threat.
He apologizes to his family, which is good! If you're a bad person and did terrible things, the first step in your own transformation and atonement should be to acknowledge what you've done and to apologize to those you've wronged. Great!
Thing is, Endeavor set off a chain reaction with his abusive, neglectful and downright irresponsible choices that it damaged everyone in his family for life.
I don't think someone who causes one of their own children to literally go up in flames, crying because they're finally getting attention from their father and family in the very end, ever deserves to be forgiven.
#mha#my hero academia#endevour#mha dabi#mha endeavor#im sure im gonna get some flack for this because for some reason lots of people think that he should be redeemed but no???#im sorry guys i like villain redemption arcs as much as the next person and i understand being confused over#why so many people forgive other villains vs endeavor#but theres something about being in a place of power and influence and using that to harm and neglect your family and having EVERYONE#EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD PRETTY MUCH JUST LOOK AWAY AND SAY OH ITS NOT MY FAMILY THATS HIS BUISNESS#BETTER NOT GET INVOLVED IT'LL SORT ITSELF OUT#that just doesnt sit right with me whatsoever#ive liked plenty of villains who do horrible things but i can still see their good side because they have their henchman or their own family#or that one person who they care for and will protect because thats their heart#im saying that even though endeavor FEELS BAD he really just didnt have a heart or care for anyone but himself until hmm#oh! after he became the number one hero#and after he got a scar that humbled him#theres a reddit post where the op talks about how people soften him and are willing to forgive him but i think thats coming from people who#very very thankfully no shade did jot have to deal with anyone like that irl in any way#OR people who are less into stories and allegories again no shade and take characters at a more surface level#its just another read on the character which of course is obviously fine but please please understand why people will never forgive him#mha spoilers#its like especially hard to not hate him when you find out that dabi had his mothers power all along#meaning he WAS that perfect child that endeavor had been looking for but he cast him aside too soon to even let that power bloom early on#god i hate Endeavor so much#love the way hes written story and character wise like he IS really well written#but fuck him all the same lol
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nerdie-faerie · 5 months ago
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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silverwhittlingknife · 2 years ago
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antigone. jean anouilh.
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quotations from antigone: a tragedy by jean anouilh. translated by lewis galantière.
comic panels in order are from: battle for the cowl 3 (x3), batman annual 25, batman and robin 5, batman and robin 6, battle for the cowl 3, batman 416, battle for the cowl 3, battle for the cowl 2, batman annual 25, batman and robin 6, under the red hood, battle for the cowl 3 (x2), batman 427, lost days 5.
#jason todd#anyway mmmm still turning it over in my mind BUT#antigone + her sense of principle such that she's willing to take her confrontation with creon to its logical extreme#she knows he'll kill her & it's not that she welcomes it but there's that sense of fatality: she's more tied to the dead than the living#she's basically daring creon to have her excuted in the same way that jason is challenging bruce#jason demanding the mourning for his own corpse. antigone buries her brother but jason is the avenging unburied ghost#come to DEMAND burial. and yet he's also alive so he's also antigone who has a choice - or does he???#and then dick's got his own antigone side re:principle but in this fight he's sister ismene#ismene determined to stop antigone from getting herself killed but also angry with her#and feeling like if she would just LISTEN then she'd see that ismene is right and sensible and has all order on her side#to her everything that antigone wants sounds like chaos and the breakdown of order#and that mmm i feel like there's this consistent thread where we kinda dance around the question of well. /is/ jason suicidal#he puts a gun to his head. he lets go of the train. and yet back then as a kid he wanted to live so badly!#again like antigone who seems to be hurtling herself toward death and yet it's not really what she wants and yet and yet#anyway many thoughts still much confused but. we'll see.#my comic art but we are using the term ''art'' loosely#since it's literally just copy-pasted comic panels with. like. bad highlighting occasionally sfdsfds#dick grayson
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anastacialy · 6 months ago
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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aria0fgold · 7 months ago
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Thinkin bout my isat au now, I don't have much of an idea on it cuz tbf I barely changed anything other than well-- Odile is in pain now. Just thinking more bout scenarios that'd differ during the uhh... new loop+?????? How'd I even go about calling that new set of loops now?
Just that the most visible change would be on Odile who's now waaay more tired looking and a lil more slower than usual. So in a way her battle style becomes a lil bit like a glass cannon in that she hits HARD but takes time for her to get a hit in now. And as the loops go on, she becomes weaker on the defense department so she truly be a glass cannon. Odile also doesn't "level up" in this au too since she had already maxed her experience out, it's just that she's also slowly dying so to be fair-- Her exp is fine but her hp isn't and her lvl is being treated like a timer of her slowly approaching doom. So even if her levels lower, it won't really affect her experience and the spells she had already unlocked. To the Universe, she's still as experienced as a lvl 99 person, it's just that now she's becoming as fragile as someone lower leveled.
She retains her more powerful spells but using those spells would backfire on her and result in a recoil that ALSO hurts her, not as much as she damages the enemies, but a significant of her hp gets taken away still.
#aria rants#isat spoilers#isat au#edit: okay its all cleaned up now. everyone can look. this is why i should save to drafts first than posting immediately...#also am thinkin bout the moral dilemma with the friends now esp with mira as mira doesnt rlly Like knowing bout the previous miras#so when they eventually remember the previous loop. then i think she'd end up with a reaaaally confusing problem of#''i know what happened in the previous didnt happen now and i know you felt bad about it and i know i shouldnt be mad#about it either since im different than that mira but i also just cant help but feel hurt by it anyway but i KNOW I SHOULDNT--''#i think everyone would have a moment of confusion on How to take in the previous loop esp with the events that happened#during act 5. everyone is hurt. but they also shouldnt be hurt cuz that event technically Didnt happen in this timeline now#but they Remember it. they remember it happened. they remember how it felt. they remember how hurtful odile's words were#they remember but they shouldnt remember it. they understand odile but they also just cant help but be hurt by it anyway#and they Dont Know what to do with that now. they remember that loop and yet now theyre in a different loop#its in a past that never exists now but They Remember and they dont know what to do about it now#just yaknow-- the dilemma of remembering a past that doesnt exist and remembering the feelings of a past thats been overwritten#cuz frankly-- how Do you tackle that dilemma? you try to address it and it feels off. you try to understand it and it still hurts#and you cant dwell on it rn either cuz other than the life and death situation of the king freezing vaugarde in time. theres odile#whose life is slowly withering away like a flower in a vase with a water that has long dried up and its now at the mercy of wilting#of gems and pages au#ogap au
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recalcitrantlycaffeinated · 3 months ago
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DND: session 1 (The Drug Fog)
Our DM (making his first appearance) immediately opened our session by telling us that the planet we were approaching was covered in a mysterious fog. Seamus looked out into the fog and had to do a wisdom save, which he failed, so he started seeing things. When he said something about the fog didn't seem right, Traps immediately stuck his head into the fog saying, "Really? let me see!" Since it was a wisdom save, I obviously failed it, and was treated to a false memory vision of my childhood, involving a series of woodland animals getting married.
"I think this fog is drugs," I said with full confidence. "I've done drugs before, and I think this is a drug fog." Seamus got fully on board, except HIS theory was that somebody had drugged our beer we were drinking earlier.
A distress signal came through the fog, and a ship pulled up alongside. The man on the ship had an Irish accent, so he and Seamus were buddies for about five seconds, before he introduced himself and his Trading Company further, leading Seamus to characterize them as unjust colonizers. He offered us a great deal of gold to come down and help them with their fog problem. Not only was the fog causing strange and terrible visions, but fifty people had mysteriously been taken in the midst of all this, including everyone from the governor's manor. We were not particularly interested in being helpful, but between him threatening to call the cops on us for being thieves and murderers, and the fact that Hex (who was piloting the ship) is obsessed with gold and murdering, we accepted.
We took a skiff down to the planet, piloted by one of their guys (I was never quite clear on whether there were two or three of them because Irish accent + beardy DM + my bad hearing in group settings was NOT the best time). Amidst the fog, everything was a little off. Anybody who tried to figure out what the fog was got hit with more visions. Hex even had one where they saw our own skiff coming back from the other direction, full of our own dead bodies. I did not have any of these extra visions because I was not trying to figure out the fog because it was OBVIOUSLY a drug fog.
And then the pilot crashed the skiff. Three out of the five of us failed dex saves and got thrown into an iron gate (instantly halving my hit points). And then three out of the five of us failed our wisdom saves and got hit with fog visions of what we feared most. (Seamus and I failed both saves; Paladin Dad failed neither.) Seamus saw his first wife and child, who had died in a fire, and ended up so afraid he was fully petrified and needed to be healed by Paladin Dad, who did this by slapping him and yelling "Get in a fight, Seamus!" Hex saw spiders, and got so afraid, they ran away. I saw my elementary school teacher. [Clearly, Seamus and I take roleplaying very seriously in VERY different ways.] I tried to attack him.
Then a spider in a lab coat, which was probably real and not a vision, started attacking by blasting blue streaks out of its arms, and some human guys started trying to take the bodies of the Irishmen away. Xander and Paladin Dad tried to attack them, but only one type of damage seemed to work on them. Seamus said "Prayer is overrated," and chose to attack instead, and rolled a Nat 1, very nearly injuring himself, while the (priest) DM told him "This is what you get for saying prayer is overrated!" I ran over to the lab coat spider and yelled dramatically, "Spiders can't do science!!" aaaaand immediately stabbed myself in the leg with my rapier because I rolled another Nat 1. At this point, Seamus yelled that we should retreat, so we all joined Hex in fleeing combat towards the manor, as in the background the Irish NPCs got picked up by giant fog hands.
I have 10 hit points. Our paladin has one heal left until we rest. And our cleric-rogue can't come to the next campaign session at all. If I die without ever getting to roll sneak attack damage I will be devastated.
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miracul0us-multishipper · 1 year ago
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Could I Write a Fic based off of the Marillion AU?
I really like it.
sure go nuts!!!
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akc-g · 6 months ago
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everything going exceptionally weird lately. got lsuch low bloog sugar i lost my vision for like 20 minutes n when it came back i was unable to orocess anything i could see n was struggling to think for another hr n i still feel really wrird. lost sensation in my arms for a bit too (they were numb n then tight i felt it in my hands n then all the way up my shoulders) n took a nap n it helped but still scary to experience n that that can just happen just bc i wasnt paying attention to what i was eating. fell asleep watching needle park while my vision was still on the buffer n woke up. fell asleep again to scarecrow n dda. i think im a person again
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