#its 11am and all ive done is think nasty thoughts

[nctrlips]

if he keeps manspreading like that im gonna have to ride him so good he forgets how to speak english 🙏

[warriorprincesslife-blog]

Finally getting somewhere?

Hi everyone

it’s been a strange week. but it’s been good too.

on Monday, I did a 5k walk as I wanted to do my august virtual race. I managed to get it done and sent off the evidence, so I should get my medal through soon.

on Tuesday, it was jacks birthday. he had a good day. he’d slept at his mate, toms last night. he came home and we gave him his pressies and card. afterwards he went to his nans, but I asked him to be back for 11am as tom was coming to see him before work. jack hadn't been home long before I got a text making out I must be on a power trip as id only allowed him to be there for just over an hour. it pissed me off at first and I used the punch bag to get out my anger. afterwards I replied. I stayed polite and matter of fact. I said I asked jack to be back for 11am as tom was coming to see him for a short while before going to work. jack knows he can go round to yours anytime hed like. ive asked him if hes going back to yours later and he said he might do. I left it at that and carried on with my day. I'm not letting them fuck me up. later on jacks mate came round. they had a good laugh playing on his new game and watchin stupid youtube videos. in the early evening, Annmarie and lezza popped round to help celebrate. I made healthy calzones as two of us cant have cheese. surprisingly, they loved em. was well happy. we chatted and laughed while listening to motown music on the tv. Annmarie was getting tired, so they left. was great seeing them. not long after, jacks mates mum popped in for a cuppa. by this point, jack had passed out upstairs and I was sat with his mate and his mum. we had a good chat. told her id still heard nothing about the job, so was worried theyd decided against employing me. she said try texting him. no harm in it. so I did while she was there. we had a good chat. glad to be making new friends. once I was getting in to bed, I got a response from the job id applied to. he was very impressed with my application and would like to invite me for an interview. between us we arranged to meet on Thursday. wow! so quick! plus I even got a text from them saying they were sorry for their automatic response to jack leaving early. not bad, roughly 2 apologies in a lifetime. plus after a lifetime of being told that they don't apologise as it means nothing to them as too many people apologised to them over the years only to fuck up again. so to have an apology from someone who doesn't believe in them, meant basically fuck all to me. plus if they think that their apology is going to have me coming back to them, they can think again. I slept well.

on Wednesday, I didnt do much during the day. in the evening I had to go for a ct scan on my ankle. I was getting ready to go to one hospital, only to be reminded by nick that it was the other one. good thing wed set off early lol. jack stayed at home with his mate. the scan was pretty quick. afterwards nick and I caught the bus and decided to walk through the park. once at the park, we realised the bus was going to be a while, so decided to walk home. we popped to the shop on the way and get a few things in.

on Thursday, nick popped to the shops in the morning to get some stuff in for his mum. I read my book for a while and then slowly took my time to get ready. I straightened my hair, put on a bit of makeup but not too much and got dressed just as nick got back in. when I was ready, he walked me to the bus stop. when I was just about to get on the bus, I started getting nervous. this was amazing for me! usually id have been nervous for days and would have hardly slept, but it literally didnt kick in until I was getting on the bus. on the bus journey, nick sent me supportive texts and snapchats. made me smile. I got off the bus a stop early and popped to the shop for a drink. I managed to get to the place 20 mins early, so I sat talking to one of the owners and we got on well. when the big boss turned up, we shook hands and started the interview. we talked quite a bit and seemed to get on quite well. at the end, they offered me the job! I start next tues! Ill get at least 25 hours a wk! I'm so happy! As I went to leave, they both hugged me goodbye! I walked to meet nick at the shops. I got there before him and sat in tears! Id actually done it! I went in there, did my best and it all paid off! I wasn't a hopeless disaster as id felt for so many years! I can actually do this! when I told nick, he was so happy for me. hed been so worried for me that hed ended up with a headache. told my mate and she was well chuffed for me too. nick bought me a drink to have at home to celebrate and I got us a takeaway to celebrate too.

today, I went to meet a new friend for brekkie. went to see if this new friendship will work. jack came with me as he wanted to get out. we met up and had a good chat. brekkie was nice and we talked. but so far in, she seemed more interested in her phone that conversing with me. so I made a move and jack and I went to morrisons. she decided to look round the shops. jack and I got stuff in. while in there, a woman charged round the corner, I quickly moved to one side. as I did so, Id touched her shoulder and apologised. she was gobbin off as shed walked past me but I didnt hear what she said. jack said nasty woman. I said what did she say? he said she said, get out of my f...ing way! seriously, what is it with some people. she was probably in her 50s. the shop was busy and she was marching through everyone and being very rude about it too. a part of me wanted to say, show some bloody respect. if this is such a problem for you having other people in the store, go shopping at night time. proper disgusted me. instead I thought, whats the point? if she thinks its appropriate to treat people like that, it would be like talking to a brick wall. so I walked away knowing I aint that sort of person. and neither is my son. we went home and I tidied up, while getting stuff ready for me and nick to stay at my mates for the weekend. I really cant wait. karaoke at their local pub, so were going to have a right laugh. be a great way to celebrate my new job and chill before I start.

when nick got back, I felt really emotional. he noticed and asked if I was ok as I was quite clingy today. since hed come in, id been hugging and holding his hand a lot. I think ive felt quite overwhelmed today by all the big changes happening. don't get me wrong, it’s great that Ive got this new job, but at the same time, I'm so used to everything going tits up, I'm scared of what bad thing will happen. so I just needed to feel close to him, so I could feel safe and certain about one thing. later on, I calmed down and felt a lot better. I'm realising I need to concentrate on the real good things that are happening and not the potential bad things that haven't. its not easy after a lifetime of having all the crap potential things pointed out at me and constantly shoved at me, so eventually they happened. I don't want that anymore. I want the good. I want the great and I want to achieve what I always thought was impossible. ive done quite a lot of that already this year, but it doesn't mean there aren't many more things that I can still aim for. I want the life ive always dreamed of! I want nick and the kids to have the life they've always dreamed of! and I know if I aim for it and do my best, I know ive got a good chance. if I don't get all the way, at least I know I will have done everything I could have done to get there. I can do this! this is my new mantra! fingers crossed it works xxx