#it's your own fault bc it's poetry okay

[teddybeartoji]

it's not often you get to see a sleepy suguru.

it's not like he's not tired – he's fucking exhausted; the dreams just don't seem to like him all that much. but he's usually toughing it out, trying to seem as composed and put-together as possible. the dark skin underneath his eyes betray him, though.

so you don't really know why today is different. is he just more tired? have all of the sleepless hours caught up with him? or is it just you; could it be that your body is the most comfortable place to rest his heavy head? or is it your perfume that's soothing him to sleep?

or is it the fingers in his hair?

he doesn't really let others play with his hair too ofter either. satoru and shoko had been the only exceptions but that was before you came along. satoru uses his hair as a stim, something to play with when he's bored. suguru has taught him manners though – a few slaps against satoru's fingers and chest to remind him to be more careful. and shoko is just more likely to brush a strand from his eyes or help him tie them up in a half-assed bun whenever his own hands are full with whatever.

you like playing with hair, always have and always will. it's relaxing and it's fun and it's calming and you love it. when you first met suguru, his hair was the second thing you noticed about him (his keen purple eyes being the first). an irresistible itch burned in your fingertips everytime you saw him, everytime he wore his hair down. it just looked so pretty and soft.

he takes very good care of his hair, you know that much. specific shampoos and conditioners, masks and all – he's all in. and nobody bats an eye. not that they should but satoru definitely gets made fun of because of his stupidly expensive collection of figurines and shoko gets teased for her silly mug shelf – and yet, neither of them ever comment on the bottles and tubs of fancy products that lay on his bathroom counter.

his hair also smells good. the compliment always hangs on the tip of your tongue but stays hidden in fear of coming off too weird. too creepy. but he doesn smell good. even with closed eyes and ears and you'd find him in a crowd. you wonder whether he knows that.

as you grew closer and closer, the now scorching itch only doubled in need. you never did gather the strenght to outwardly ask him – if you could play with his hair? if you could caress it? comb through it? it was an accident.

a simple gloomy friday afternoon: you're both lazing on your couch, staring at the screen. it's funny – you find yourself muffling your already quiet bursts of laughter, suguru alongside you. he's sitting close by, closer than usual. you don't ask him about it.

he asked to come over; something-something about being sick of his own apartment. you understand that, so you tell him that your home is his home (you'd tell him that even if you didn't understand). you hear the faint smile when he thanks you over the phone.

even when he looks like he hasn't slept in months – he looks good. you can tell he's overexaggerating his smile a bit but don't say anything about it, rewarding him with a grin of your own. his eyes flick to your lips and how they curve and he thinks about how warm it feels to look at you. maybe he's not exaggerating anymore.

your arms open wide, inviting him into you and he obliges, as always. he smells good. as always.

his hands lock behind your back and your behind his neck. your hearts meet and they greet each other with a fastened beat, eager to be in sync – to feel each other again.

he pulls back and the corners of his eyes crinkle when he smiles. he's not doing it anymore and you're happy to relieve him even if it's for mere moments.

he's wearing a sweather and his hair is down. he has lip gloss on; you try to think whether he's more of a mint guy or more of a shea guy. it remains a mystery.

and now you're on the couch with two cups of warm tea waiting for you on the small table. he smells good. he's so close. he snickers at the screen and you can't take your eyes off of him. it's the same small crinkle of the eyes and the faintest pink tint on his cheeks.

you know he knows that you're looking at him. you've been told to have a staring problem and he's just an observant guy. it's a terrible match. or a perfect one.

he doesn't say anything though; instead he leans his head back and little to the side against the headrest (he's even closer now) and you find yourself shifting an inch aswell. perhaps magnets are involved? the iron in your blood pulling you together?

no, that can't be. you'd have to be polar opposites for that to work. warm-blooded and cold-blooded? would that work? you're getting too poetic and he's looking at you now.

it's an accident. it slips out on its own. you smell good. caught off guard by your own comment, you're about to apologize when a hand on your thigh almost makes you suffocate on the words stuck in your throat.

he laughs and it feels so good. he thanks you. he means it, you see it in his tired eyes. he likes the way you blush.

turning his focus back to the tv, you try to collect yourself. a deep breath in and a deep one out and a deep one in and a de—

a weight on your shoulder. he smells so good. he's so close. you peek down, curious as to whether this is a dream or not. but suguru's head is in fact laid on your body, sinking a bit more into you by the second. a deep breath in and a deep one out.

seeking for a more comfortable position, you snuggle closer to him. it's hard to focus but you're making it your sole mission to make him feel safe. your arm curls around his body, his shoulder, and rests right by a flock of his hair.

his cheek is now smushed against the top of your chest and the weight of love doesn't seem as bad as everyone keeps telling you. his hand finds a place around your waist; loosely – as if he's the one who's afraid to scare you off. silly.

his breath against you feels right and the butterflies in your stomach refuse to calm down. so you do what you always do when you get nervous – completely on their own, your fingers caress his hair. just smoothing over it at first but before you know it, they're combing through a strand and twirling the ends between themselves.

you wanna apologize, again, but the soft little grunt that emits from the man keeps you from doing so.

don't stop.

+ this is for @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat just bc it feels right

[bonerot19]

okay so first of all I haven’t read the newest chapter of sigh no more but I wanted to say that the way you interwove the poetry and jason’s rescue was incredible. I now want to read more of these works because genuinely. So haunting.

and then the next chapter :(( it’s so difficult to try and heal someone who can’t really let themselves heal. it’s such a messed up state where there’s not really a clear path to take and the hurt still remains. it’s like everyone is at fault but nobody is to blame if that even makes sense 😢

and then last, I was wondering abt your feelings on reverse robins? Usually I don’t really care about it but ik you’re a steph jason enthusiast (as you should and so am I tbh) and an au where Steph is Red Hood and Jason is Spoiler is so chef’s kiss to me. Like not only does that fit with them, they have the similar kind of righteous anger and desperate love and want to save and change the world because of how it failed them but also they would be bffs too.. my little guys <33

🥹🥹🥹🥹

I'm sooo glad you like it. I wrote that chapter one night when I couldn't sleep and felt like I was losing my mind and thought it would be a good time to write Jason feeling like he was losing his mind. also the Hollow Men by TS Eliot is a masterpiece

it's hard to let people help you when all they’ve ever done is let you down

as for reverse robins - its not usually my thing (it usually involves Tim as Red Hood and I respect that the concept might work sometimes but generally I don't like it. like, the whole reasoning behind Red Hood doesn't work with Tim imo) BUT I do think it could possibly work with Steph

my issue is, i don't like giving the attributes of the robins to each other and giving them each others back stories? like, the reason Steph is Spoiler is directly bc her dad is cluemaster. the reason Jason is the Red Hood is specifically bc of how he grew up, being taken in Bruce, and then dying like he did, waking up in his grave, the league, etc

if Steph was red hood instead, it would, in my mind, involve taking her and putting her in Jason's story and assuming she would make the same decisions

I know I'm thinking about it too hard and I genuinely don't want to bash reverse robins fics cause I think really interesting things can be done with them

I'd be more interested in something about Steph where she died as BG at the hands of Black Mask and then woke up, dug her way out, was found by the league, trained, escaped, came back

I could see her coming back as something Hood-esque and wanting to punish Bruce for firing her, for not saving her, for not realizing she was alive and saving her from the league

and then, if this was an age reversal au, maybe the Steph that comes back saves Jason, who is Robin. or even finds him trying to be his own vigilante, Spoiler-esque, and doesn't want this kid to die so she starts mentoring him (I do love a good Red Hood mentors Spoiler fic)

[madamewriterofwrongs]

“Let’s share my coat, since you’re so cold.” For Buddie plz bc imagine the potential 💛🥺

So sorry about the long wait, my darling. I hope you enjoy <3

Hold My Hand When No One’s Looking

911/Buddie

Honestly, Eddie hadn’t noticed it right away. He and Buck were relatively the same size (though the other man was a bit wider in the chest and arms) and spent much of their day in uniforms. It also so happened that the two of them had similar styles when it came to their civilian clothing. There was a lot of denim and a lot of circle-necked shirts in their shared wardrobe.

He’d known that asking Buck to move in with him would mean surrendering to the fact that everything he owned would slowly become ‘theirs’. His favourite show became their late-night binge, his unhealthy snack choices mysteriously disappeared whenever Buck was left alone to babysit Christopher, and one time he swore that his toothbrush had been moved – though he’d never been able to prove it. But Eddie didn’t mind, not really. Buck had already stolen his heart, so he’d happily let him steal the rest of his life.

Telling Carla that very thing when she’d asked him about his mismatched socks had earned him a side-splitting laugh and a text to Buck, who later teased him mercilessly for the rest of the week.

He still had no regrets about letting him in.

Because that was what you did where there was love and trust. You didn’t mind sharing because you had someone who wanted to share with you in the first place.

He was even becoming better at opening up about personal things. He still struggled to admit when he was scared or upset about something because for so long, he’d understood that expressing his feelings wasn’t his job. Though he knew better now, it was still a monumental task for Eddie to share some anecdote about his childhood or speak up when Buck said something that struck an errant nerve.

But it was worth it, he vowed. It was worth it to try, and he didn’t mind sharing those things with Buck. He didn’t think he minded sharing anything with his partner.

That is to say: he was fine, until he searched through his closet one morning, scrambling to get to work on time because someone had hit the snooze button one too many times.

“Where is my grey sweatshirt?” He threw the pile of clothes from the closet floor to the bed. “Where are any of my sweatshirts?”

“Laundry?” Buck called from the bathroom, poking his head out with a toothbrush still dangling from his lips.

“There’s no way I got every single one of my sweatshirts dirty since the last time I did the laundry.” As he continued his search, he could hear Buck rinse and spit before beginning his morning routine of styling his hair with way too much product for Eddie’s liking (though he’d never complain because it gave him a chance to play with his hair throughout the day until it was exactly to his preferences). Sure enough, he found a collection of clothes in the hamper that definitely resembled his but he did not remember wearing.

Though he did remember watching Buck spill ketchup on a grey sweater that looked suspiciously like his.

How had he not noticed before? How long had Buck just been taking clothes out of his closet? Why hadn’t he bothered to ask first? He would have been happy to share – well maybe not elated but he wouldn’t have minded – but for Buck to just take them without permission (and then get them dirty)? It bothered him more than he thought it should have.

He wants to wear your clothes, the untamed romantic portion of his brain swooned.

He’s stretching out your shirts without asking, the frantic portion grumbled as he searched for a wearable sweatshirt from the pile of clothes that had apparently become communal without his knowledge.

“Did you find it?” Buck reentered the bedroom, now looking much more put together than Eddie felt.

“I found something.” He grumbled as he threw the black shirt over his head, grimacing at the old clothes smell that lingered on the fabric. “When we get home, you’re doing laundry.”

Buck squawked as he threw on his own – clean – shirt. “Why do I have to do it?”

Because it’s your fault I don’t have any clothes to wear. If he’d had time, he might have launched into a lecture about why this small thing frustrated him so much. But alas, they were already running behind, so he silenced them both with a kiss.

“No complaints.” He gently ordered, smirking at the way Buck immediately melted under his touch. It was a nice reminder that the feeling of adoration was very much mutual between them.

“Okay.”

“Let’s go.” He smacked Buck on the behind as they stumbled out the bedroom door. “If we’re late again, Bobby will make us scrub the truck with a toothbrush. Again.”

After that morning, it was as though Eddie became hyperaware of how often Buck wore his clothes. At least twice per week, he’d find his favourite t-shirt in the back of his boyfriend’s closet, or search for several minutes only to discover someone else’s ass in his only clean jeans.

Once, he’d grabbed one of Buck’s pants in protest, but spent the entire day pulling at the inseam and ended up rolling the pantlegs just to avoid tripping.

And yet, when the boy with the giraffe legs wore his pants, it looked hot.

Did it look hot? Of course, Eddie had surrendered to his physical attraction to Buck long ago. Nearly anything that man wore would get him going. Was there something about seeing Buck in his clothes that made him look exceptionally appealing?

The day he pulled one of his nicer dress shirts over his head, only to find the sleeves had been completely stretched (and there were definitely a few seams missing) was the day he decided that no amount of sexiness would let him forgive Buck for stealing his clothes.

Maybe it was petty of him to start hiding his good clothes. And maybe it was immature to start separating their laundry – not to mention a waste of water – but at least he knew he’d have his own clean clothes to wear. It wasn’t like Buck was lacking for wardrobe. The man took up the majority of their shared closet with his selections. “Something for every occasion.” He’d told Eddie. Which made it all the more confusing that he would want to take from Eddie’s meager pile.

“Hey, Eddie, can I borrow your green long sleeve?” He asked as he searched the closet for the item without waiting for a reply. Of course, Eddie knew that he wouldn’t find the shirt amongst its brethren because he’d hidden it in a bin under the bed for this exact occasion.

At least he’s finally asking for permission. Too late for him, now.

“I don’t have a green long sleeve.” Eddie continued to dress with the picture of innocence masking his satisfied smirk.

“I’m sure you do.” Buck mumbled as he headed towards the dresser (also 70% Buckley). “I wore it to Bobby’s BBQ three weeks ago.”

“Oh, so he admits to wearing my clothes.” His mumbled sarcasm was intended to only pacify his own needs, but unfortunately, his boyfriend had excellent hearing at the most inconvenient of times.

“What do you mean ‘he admits’?”

Well, Eddie glanced at the alarm clock to confirm they had just enough time to get into their discussion, he might as well bring it up now instead of months in the future when it had grown into an even worse frustration and festered into every aspect of their relationship. Or they could nip it in the bud now.

Despite the topic of discussion, he was still surprised when he gave a long sigh and turned around only to find a very shirtless Buck standing before him. He was only momentarily distracted by the smooth lines and soft, exposed skin – he was only human – but he recovered with most of his dignity intact.

“You have so many clothes but you always wear mine. Why?”

Of course, Buck looked sheepishly adorable, and perhaps a little confused at the hostility being directed towards him. “I like your clothes. I didn’t think you minded.”

“Well I do mind. You keep stretching the fabric and then you get them dirty and I have nothing to wear.” Eddie was proud of his composure in the face such a stunned and sweetly wide-eyed expression.

“Oh, I-I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

The logical portion of his brain knew very well that if Eddie simply told Buck that this was bothering him, he’d stop immediately. Why it took him so long to bring it up and then felt surprised by the outcome, he still wasn’t sure. One look at the sincerity on his boyfriend’s face and him reaching an arm to summon him to his side.

Buck took his hand immediately, letting himself stumble into Eddie’s embrace and throw his arms around his waist with practiced ease. This was comfortable. This, he could do: hold Buck close and tell him the truth.

“I don’t like that you didn’t ask me first if you could borrow my clothes. That bothers me more than a few ruined shirts (although, I’m still not letting you wear my green long sleeve. It’s one of my favourite shirts and I’d like to preserve some of the shape).” Buck opened his mouth to call out his lie from moments earlier but wisely closed it a moment later. “Just ask, okay?”

The man in his arms quickly nodded, a shy smile on his lips. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I’ll ask before borrowing your clothes again.”

He knew he was being too cheeky for his own good, but how could he resist those kissable lips? “I’m sorry, I’m what, now?” Buck scrunched his face, preparing to protest, silenced a moment later by Eddie pulling him just close enough for their lips to meet.

Kissing Buck had quickly become one of Eddie’s favourite past times. A quick peck at work, a long reunion after a long day, a sloppy smooch against the truck after one of them had consumed too much alcohol but they were both drunk on each other (and he’d wisely kept that particular nugget of poetry to himself, lest he face more ridicule). The largest change when taking the sidestep from ‘best friends’ to ‘lovers’ had been their level of physical contact, which had always been comfortably close. Now, there was no space between them. No barriers.

But they still had to wear their own clothes. That was where Eddie drew the line when it came to sharing their lives. It was an arbitrary line, to be sure, but it was one to which he held firm. As predicted, Buck was quick to respect the line and stick mostly to his own wardrobe. When he asked to borrow a dress shirt or shorts, he made a habit of coming up behind Eddie and wrapping his arms around his middle, gently murmuring his clothing request in Eddie’s ear like a salacious secret. Was it a dirty move? Absolutely. Did Eddie cave every single time? Without a doubt. Did he respect that his boyfriend exploited his weaknesses? Somehow, it made him love him more. He also respected that Buck didn’t abuse his super power for every clothing item. He accepted Eddie’s distaste for ill-fitting clothing and always turned to his wardrobe first.

Miraculously, many of Buck’s clothes started getting thrown in the donation hamper – almost as though he hadn’t worn them in months or years and no longer had need of them. Soon enough, their wardrobe had evened out and Eddie could actually mark the distinction between his and Buck’s side of the dresser.

Suddenly he could breathe again.

“It wasn’t about the clothes.” Eddie informed him one night as they lay in bed.

Of course, Buck propped up on his elbows to face Eddie despite the darkness. “What wasn’t?”

“The clothes borrowing thing.”

“The clothes borrowing things wasn’t about the clothes?” It was understandable to hear confusion in his voice.

“I brought it up to Frank the other day. And we talked about why it bothered me so much.”

“You said that I was stretching out your clothes (which I’m choosing to take as a compliment, by the way).” As a show of comfort, Eddie ran a hand under the sleeve of Buck’s night shirt, only to laugh when his boyfriend pulled away a moment later. “Why are your hands always so cold?”

“Not all of us are a furnace.” He gently reminded, knowing it would go completely unmarked by the human stove. “And while I am definitely not a fan of you stretching my shirts, it wasn’t actually about that.” One thing he loved about Buck from long before their romance began, was his ability to wait for Eddie to gather the courage to continue speaking. He rarely prompted or interjected when time stretched between them; he gave Eddie the space to find the words.

“It felt like I was losing a part of myself when I saw you in my clothes.” Surely, he could find more words than that. “When I look around this room – when I look around the house – I see us. I see you and Christopher making a pillow fort even though I told you not to take the cushions off the couch. I see me and my son trying to bake a cake for your birthday and actually making one that was edible.”

“Well”

“Are you going to tell Christopher that you hated the cake he made you?”

It was a cheap shot but it hit its mark every single time. “Wow.”

“I see you and me getting ready in the bathroom the first time I told you I loved you.”

It was one of his fondest memories, and one he would treasure forever; the day he’d been brushing his teeth beside Buck, staring at the man who’d come to mean so much to him, and the words tumbled out (along with a glob of foam) before he’d realized how true they were.

“We are all over this house and I love that. But my clothes? They were this thing that was just mine – one little thing I didn’t have to share. And when you took them without asking, it was like you were taking more than just my shirt. If that makes sense.” Clearly, he was out of practice with this sort of discussion (and he ever had this sort of discussion?) because the rambling was making him lightheaded.

“It does.” He could feel his boyfriend shift in the moonlight to something less than a hover, relaxing onto his shoulder so they both faced the ceiling but still felt connected to each other. “And I never meant to make you feel that way. I guess it was that cliched thing where I like smelling like you and having a piece of you with me all the time.” Eddie willed his beating heart to calm.

“Buck, we live and work together, how are you not sick of having me around?”

Another wonderful thing about dating Buck was his newfound ability to feel his eyes on him from across the room. Even in the middle of an emergency, he could look up and find Buck and know what they needed to do. When he was at his side, the stare was overwhelming.

“I will never get sick of you.” Buck’s voice was filled with more emotion than Eddie had words to describe and yet he knew exactly how he felt. “But I won’t wear your clothes anymore.”

His instinct was to protest, to concede to Buck and let him have whatever would make him happy. It had been his instinct for most of his life: make sacrifices so his loved ones would be happy.

You are allowed to have what you want. Buck will still be happy.

He found Buck’s lips in the darkness. “Thank you.”

--

The scene was a mess. One kitchen fire had spread to several houses before emergency services were even called – Buck admired that the neighbours had all tried to deal with the problem themselves; Eddie thought they were idiots for trying to douse the grease fire with water and then continue to pour water when the flames grew higher. It was a simple enough task to put out the flames and get everyone to safety but it left foam and shivering bodies and bits of debris scattered from the lawn to the street. The cleanup took longer than the rescue, completely unaided by the mid-day son beating down on the scene, melting both foam and firefighter with equal measure.

Mercifully, Bobby was the first to remove his jacket and throw it on the pavement so he could work with more ease, leading the way for his crew to strip off their heavy turnout gear and throw it in a pile. While their equipment wasn’t any less boiling to the touch, they were at least given this small reprieve while they continued to work.

And if Buck and Eddie were separately caught distractedly watching their boyfriend work in their form-fitting pants and sweat-soaked shirts, that was an added bonus of just doing their job.

Once they were finally in a position to leave (after doling a few lectures and congratulations to the civilians who’d tried really hard and only made things worse), the crew grabbed their coats from the pile and headed back to the trucks. Eddie would never admit it, but sometimes, he was distracted by the mere sight of Buck. The blond was teased constantly for his so-called ‘heart eyes’ whenever he thought no one was looking, but Eddie knew he was just as bad. It was difficult not to – considering his partner’s attractive physical features – but even to admire Buck’s enthusiasm and heart were unavoidable when he let himself enjoy a moment of peace.

Life since they’d begun their romance had been calm in a way Eddie never imagined his life to be – because there never really was a moment of calm, and yet it was the most serene he’d felt in a very long time. Every day was an adrenaline rush of emergency calls and worrying for his son. He still awoke with nightmares of the past and future reminding him that every one of his failings had consequences. His wounds still ached in the daylight and his life was constantly in peril. He still stumbled over milestones when it came to raising Christopher without the mother of his child, and no amount of forgiveness could completely erase the shame he felt in asking for help. But through it all, through every loss and victory both at work and at home, he didn’t feel alone. He had a partner in all things who loved his son and tried every day to be there for the two of them.

He wished he could say he wasn’t surprised at how well Buck fit into their domestic lives but it had never occurred to him to imagine it until he was asking his boyfriend of six months to move into his home because so many of his things were there anyways. The first morning he awoke to fresh coffee and the smoke alarm screeching in his ear, it somehow sealed his fate: he and Buck fit comically well together.

And the man knew him in a way no one had (not his wife, not parents, not any friend he’d ever had). He liked to think he knew Buck just as well but he enjoyed every time that he discovered something new about his partner. It sent a shiver of delight through his bones when he realized that he never wanted to stop learning about this man who made him feel happy.

He did, however, need to talk to Bobby about ordering a new jacket because his current one was much too big, especially in the shoulder area. Which was odd because he didn’t remember having that problem earlier. Of course, Eddie rolled his eyes, he must have grabbed the wrong coat – probably Buck’s – which would explain his sudden lack of stature. As he swung the offending item off his back, he searched for his partner in order to toss the coat in his face (as one does when one is hopelessly in love with a dork), only to stop short when he finally caught sight of him.

Whether by accident or design, Buck had grabbed Eddie’s coat and was proudly wearing it as he went about his normal duties, completely unaware that the sleeves were just a little too short, and the back was stretched a little too tightly. In fact, it was stretched taut in a manner that displayed the LAFD logo and bright stripes for all to see; and right underneath was Eddie’s last name. Four letters he’d seen all his life were suddenly given a different meaning.

‘Diaz’ had never been just his, it has always been something he shared: first with his family, and then Shannon, and then to Christopher the moment he held his son in his arms. He had been lectured by May once about the concept of ownership and the woman having to take the husband’s last name as though she belonged to him. He was well away of the history of name changes in marriages and significance in contemporary society of couples choosing different ways to express their commitment to one another. Call him old fashioned – and he knew that he was – but he had never seen Shannon taking his last name as a symbol of ownership; to Eddie, it meant that they were a family. A clan. Together in all things. There was a sense of pride in knowing that his name would live on when he was gone and that he was able to share this thing with the people he cared for most.  

As if it were nothing at all, there was Buck, walking around in public with the name Diaz on display. Anyone who didn’t know them might believe that was his name. What would Buck say if a stranger called him ‘Mr. Diaz’ or ‘Firefighter Diaz’? Would he blush and smile, would he vehemently correct them, would he brush it off but realize he didn’t want to be associated with that name ever again?

Did he want that? Did he want Buck associated with his last name? There was no guarantee when they got married that either of them would change their names. Maybe, they could hyphenate.

When they got married.

Eddie didn’t ask for his jacket back.

--

Later, when someone asked him how dinner went, Eddie would have no earthly idea what they even ordered. He remembered confirming with Buck that they had reservations for their anniversary dinner, he remembered Hen picking up Christopher for his overnight playdate, he remembered kissing Buck against the bathroom door when he emerged in his dress shirt and tie, he remembered driving to the restaurant too afraid to hold his boyfriend’s hand because his palms were suspiciously clammy.

It was just a dinner at a nicer restaurant to celebrate their anniversary together. They’d had one of these already and a million dates in between. Yet it sent his heart racing every time. Not only was he a fan of Buck when he dressed to the nines (he loved that man in everything and nothing, but the tight dress pants were a treat) but it was also a celebration of their time together. Of how far they’d come as a couple and as individuals. Going out in public came with a small amount of anxiety and guilt, of course, but they’d worked through every setback as partners and would continue to do so.

On their first official date, Eddie had called Buck at 3am to inform him that they could never see each other again because he was betraying his wife’s memory by moving on. Another time, they had run into one of Buck’s previous conquests who was alarmingly cavalier about their sex history but incredibly judgmental about Buck’s current situation. Introducing Buck to his parents was more than a little nerve-racking (though significantly better than meeting the Buckleys for the first time) but had turned out amiably enough when they saw how much Eddie and Christopher cared for the man – and more importantly, how much Buck cared about Christopher.

Christopher had been his saving grace in so many ways, not the least of which was figuring out how to introduce Buck at school functions. ‘Boyfriends’ was the term they used most often but it still felt juvenile whenever he said it out loud. ‘Lover’ had made both of them double over in laughter, and ‘special friend’ was off the table before it had left his mouth. Though he’d never said it out loud, Eddie was saying the term ‘Partner’ for a special occasion.

The first time Eddie had brought Buck to the afterschool pick up so his teachers could meet the other adult with special permission to care for Christopher, he’d stressed to the point of tearing a small hole in the steering wheel cover about what to call him.

And then Christopher had run into his best friend’s arms and introduced everyone to ‘His Buck’ as though that name was the only explanation anyone needed. But it did the trick. Everyone greeted him with kindness and respect and when one of the teachers asked Eddie if this was, indeed, ‘His Buck’, all he’d been able to do was blush and nod.

They’d overcome every little thing that life had thrown their way. They could get through one little dinner.

“You have been fidgety all night.” Buck teased through another mouthful of garlic bread. Or maybe they couldn’t. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing is up with me.” He lied. “I’m just tired. Long shift.”

“Boring shift. Four false alarms, seven car accidents, and one heart attack. I would have killed for a house fire or even someone stuck in a tree.”

“How would they have gotten stuck in a tree?”

Buck shrugged, stuffing another loaf into his mouth. “Maybe they were skydiving but the wind picked up and they got carried away.”

They continued their hypothetical discussion (which turned to the topic of craziest saves, most disgusting encounters, and most obvious lies) until their shared appetizer arrived and he realized how at ease he felt despite his earlier tension. That was another miraculous thing about being with Buck. Without meaning to – for he did it far too often to be intentional – he could pull Eddie from whatever wave was threatening to pull him under and keep him company by just being himself. They would talk and laugh and find companionship with one another until suddenly, the waves had subsided.

“Where’s my phone?” Buck patted his entire body, despite only possessing two pockets in which he could fit his cell. Upon finding nothing, he concluded “I must have left it in the truck, I’m just going to go grab it.”

When Buck reached for Eddie’s jacket pocket, knowing the keys were always in the right, Eddie felt a new wave of panic suddenly submerge him and he shouted “Don’t touch that!” too loudly for anyone at the adjoining tables to misunderstand him.

The way his boyfriend instantly paled, told him that no one had misunderstood his harsh reaction. Buck released the jacket, letting it fall to the ground, but hesitated to grab it. A thousand curses and warning bells echoed through Eddie’s mind, knowing full well how far his partner’s mind could travel down a dangerous path before he ever reached him.

“I’m sorry, Eddie,” he sputtered. “I know we talked about the clothes thing, I just forgot.” Only then did he finally reach a hand to take the jacket on the tasteless restaurant carpet. “Can I grab-”

“No.” He snatched the offending object before Buck could finish his sentence; flinging it away with such force that the contents of his pockets spilt onto the floor. Another curse barely left his lips before both men were on their hands and knees, scrambling to retrieve the objects.

Buck found it first.

“What’s this?”

Eddie froze with a hand on his keys, eyes locked on his partner – his best friend – holding the small velvet box that had once been housed in his jacket pocket. Abandoning all else, Eddie crawled to meet Buck beside the table. He breathlessly watched the other man examine the box, feeling the edges with sharp anticipation

A voice that wasn’t his own whispered in the space between them “open it.” With medical gentility, Buck pulled open the lid and Eddie watched his expressions shift as understanding took hold.

He’d been so careful, to the point of paranoia, about picking out the perfect ring. There had been incognito browser searches, late-night chats with Hen about same-sex protocol (for which he repaid her with many cups of espresso), and one very anxious expedition to the jewelers to find the perfect one. And right at the finish line, he fumbled over his own two feet.

The only memory that mattered, though, was the look in Buck’s eyes when he saw the ring and realized what it symbolized to both of them. What Eddie was asking for wasn’t marriage: it was everything. A life of sharing their darkest selves and celebrating every triumph. Being both an individual and a pair in equal measure – partners in every sense. Respect and trust and joy would become home, security would be a given; everything was asked with that circle bonding them together.

“I’m sorry for grabbing your jacket.” Buck whispered when he finally looked away from the box in his shaking hands. The laugh that escaped Eddie was barely more than a cry of barely restrained tears but it brought a smile to both their faces.

“It’s okay.” Neither could look away now that they’d found each other in the silence. “Do you like it?”

“It’s nice. Did Maddie help you pick it out?”

“She offered when I went to ask for her blessing but this was all me.”

“You asked for her blessing? How traditional.”

“I’m a traditional kind of guy.”

“I know. Sophia told me what you did to her first boyfriend.”

“It was only meant to scare the guy. How was I to know he had asthma?”

“He was 15, you shouldn’t have done it anyway. I think it might be illegal now.”

“Oh my god.” Both men looked up at the waitress standing over them with their food in hand. “Will you ask him already?” A few chuckles from curious onlookers reminded them that they were still kneeling in the middle of a restaurant with Buck holding the ring he wasn’t meant to see yet.

The blush that crept on his partner’s face matched his own, but Eddie’s only focus was on fulfilling the server’s request.

“Marry me, Buck?”

His smile outshone the entire city of Los Angeles.

“Yes.”

As cheers erupted around them, Eddie scooted across the carpet to pull his fiancé into a kiss saturated with joy and laughter. His hands fairly shook as they clasped Buck’s cheeks to hold them steady but nothing else matter to him but that smile.

Slipping the engagement band onto his finger was prolonged by the trembling in both their hands but with time, he stared down at the circle, knowing it was finally where it belonged.

He only realized he had stared for too long when the waitress cleared her throat to grab their attention.

“If you folks wouldn’t mind taking your seats; these plates are kinda hot.” The men scrambled back into their booth, offering copious apologies to the woman who simply rolled her eyes and told them that dessert would be on the house. A handful of patrons offered their congratulations but Eddie rarely turned his attention away from the man across from him. Every time their eyes met for the rest of the night, he could feel the dopey-eyed grin that refused to melt away. He hoped it never did.

The evening had not gone the way he’d planned in any shape of the word but for years to come, he would relish in telling the story of their engagement, and of the full lives they shared together.

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

okay so i’ve been going crazy these past few days. all about cockles/jensmish and obsessively watching their panels or reading the transcripts BECAUSE. THEY ARE LOUD. LIKE. i saw some fancams on twt and i thought people were just exaggerating but noooooooooo!!!???? so, getting to the point. you said that how do we know that jensen is performing masculinity? because jared isn’t and THAT IS A BIG BRAIN MOMENT. ON POINT. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. a particular moment from gag reel that jumps out (which you’ve talked about) when jensen goes ‘cas, you are my baby daddy’ and misha goes, ‘i know i love you too’ and jensen goes, ‘i didn’t say i love you’ and misha goes, ‘i know you wanted to’ and jensen says, ‘i love you’ WHAT THE FUCK! that was NOT a joke. yes, people took it as a joke and had a good laugh BUT I HAVE WATCHED IT TOO MANY TIMES AND IT LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE BECAUSE IT WAS NOT A PERFORMANCE. THAT WAS JENSEN. THAT WAS MISHA. jensen has a had trouble with the pda and being all touch feely (the breakup theory) and he gradually grew into it, accepted it and misha was right there all along, never pushed it. it was like a deancas au but tbh, 99% of destiel is because of cockles and we all know it. i just. jensen has latched onto dean as an emotional support because he tunes with it. understands it. projects on to it. yeah, i just had to say it and get it off my chest. (and what about those poetry pages on instagram? alma? what is your opinion?) btw, you have a lovely blog and your analysis are right on target.

so there is a LOT i’m going to address here(how dare you bring up [gunshot] i HAVE to talk about it now) so again!!!! under a cut it goes but i hope you appreciate my rambles anon it seems like you do :,)

1. jared vs. jensen and performing masculinity. hell yeah man. jared and jensen are both just ‘guys from texas’ but they are still so vastly different. today i actually had a revelation that i’m pretty sure has to do with me being bi. and it’s that i have a group of straight friends(that i love dearly but they care too much about hockey and pitbull imo could not be me) and i have a group of queer friends(who are also batshit[affectionate]). and it’s like whichever group i hang out with a different side of me emerges? they’re both me, it’s just that certain aspects of who i am as a person only surface depending on who i am around. however, i will say i feel like i watch what i say around my straight friends more. i see that very clearly in jensen as well. around jared during panels and on set, he’s definitely putting on an air of machismo and engages in typical guy talk. i do think an element of it is performative, because he wants validation from jared that they’re still just two dudes from texas taking on the world together despite his sexual identity. does that make any sense??? i hope so. but when he’s with misha he is an entirely different person and his sense of humour becomes wildly different. the machismo fades away, he’s way less caught up in what people think about him, lets his guard down, etc. to go back to my original point which is how j2 are different in that regard....jared does not do this. he is a constant. he does not flip a switch between ‘performing masculinity’ and ‘not’ because he isn’t performing any part of who he is. he just IS. so yeah these two are similar in many regards but there’s somewhat of a dissonance between them when it comes to how they perform masculinity because one of them is putting on a show and the other is merely being.

2. that crypt scene blooper(here just in case you need to see it again. do it. as a treat.) when i tell you i have easily seen this over thirty times??? since it first came out??? i mean it. it is such an overlooked(r*mantic) moment and it means so much more than people think it does. i’ve talked about the context behind it, and i think that’s why this blooper was so meaningful, so i’ll mention it again. jensen and misha had a LOT of trouble with this scene. the reason is that jensen couldn’t wrap his head around why dean would be saying these things, if i remember correctly, and both of them sat down and scoured over how they should play it for a while before filming(teamwork ;) teammates *ahem*). [to be honest we all know why jensen had a hard time with that scene and it is because it is blatantly romantic. rip to him but i would simply give in to it at that point but oh well] so anyway, their heads were scattered going into shooting, which is NEVER a good headspace to be in for a scene, ESPECIALLY not a pivotal one. but they had each other to help them through said weird energy on set that couldn’t possibly have invoked the best feelings, especially considering jensen STILL doesn’t think he played that correctly(but he praised misha on his performance :,) ). and with that context every single part of that video hits haRD 

-’stop pulling my face towards your crotch’ i think this is objectively hilarious because it really really looks like jensen is pulling HIMSELF towards misha’s crotch. again, you’re fooling no one, jensen. misha’s wheezing laugh and the way he wraps himself around jensen is also,,,sweet??? like i don’t know how else to describe how i see it but this moment really reads as jensen, in his weird ‘constructing elaborate rituals’ way is asking for security through a physical touch from misha and he happily obliges and gives jensen what he needs. because i mean...watch it again. jensen ‘fights back’, but not really at all, actually. pretty wimpy counterattack. he literally lets himself be smothered by misha, and i would literally describe what they end up doing as cuddling. 

-’i need you, cas. you’re my baby daddy’ i love having an actor’s perspective on things bc i think i can explain what’s going on here. jensen just delivered what was(in his own mind) a rotten take of the lines he’s most scared of delivering. so the scene was already messed up. therefore; ensuing fuckery is warranted to help him feel better. but there’s also for sure more than meets the eye for what he says here because of misha’s reaction after??? like he seemed genuinely touched. first of all, he’s saying ‘you’re my baby daddy’ as half-jensen, but not necessarily dean either(because he didn’t say the previous lines as true to his character...you get it), to misha, not cas. i think i’ve made this point before, but every single innuendo in the gag reels is to misha specifically, never once cas. therefore; logical conclusion: ‘you’re my baby daddy’ was for misha and it meant something deeper than we think because of what follows it

-this part. jensen’s giddy ass smile after he sees misha crack and then misha says ‘yeah, i know’ (can i just say his voice when he says this is so intimate???? like am i intruding guys??? sorry i’ll let myself out) also he is smiling SO BIG

- ‘i know’ ‘why are you laughing?’ ‘no i know i love you too’ this analysis is already so long but i still want to get into what THAT whole exchange means. ‘why are you laughing?’ to me sounds like jensen’s pretending to be affronted by misha laughing at something that is serious. and it’s serious because he quite literally meant ‘i love you’. he did. misha knows it. misha’s really REALLY good at cutting the bs and just getting to what people are actually trying to say. he has an innate sharpness to his sense of humour. so yes, misha is being 100% accurate when he says ‘i know, but you wanted to say it.’ misha isn’t lying here. jensen did want and mean to say ‘i love you’. and then he actually does say it(in a jokey way but not really). 

- so yeah. it is actually so romantic??? like in a weird way jensen was professing his love for misha here?????? and that’s why this clip will NEVER. ever. get old. 

3. jensen having trouble with pda and projecting onto dean: we can all call ourselves dean coded cas girls but NO one deserves that title more than jensen ackles himself. he is dean winchester but marginally less repressed because he actually did admit he was in love with his best friend and let himself be happy, and pretty early on too. one year and two months as opposed to twelve years. so. happy deancas au is correct. and yes about the pda thing: one day i want to write my own post about both of their body language when it comes to each other, but all i can tell is jensen, even in the early days, couldn’t help himself from flirting with misha, but if misha ever crossed a line, jensen would not be happy. clearly he’s come around, however. what i find sweet is that misha always follows jensen’s lead when it comes to how much affection they’re allowed to show each other onstage. it touches my soul

4. destiel is cockles fault. yeah. and the thing is everyone knows it, too. even non-cockles shippers will explain early destiel as entirely dependant on jensen and misha’s wild chemistry. and that chemistry is easily explained by the fact that misha and jensen are literally just wildly horny bisexuals who were crazily attracted to one another and were falling in love on screen before our very eyes. and when you have THAT insider info(which sounds cray doesn’t it!!!! the destiel actors are in love irl??? huh???) everything really does click into place. why destiel got SO popular when the show and actors never ever intended for it to happen.(i know some people think misha was playing cas as gay the whole time for shits and giggles, and i won’t deny that[especially considering he found out early on that destiel was why he was staying on the show], but i don’t think he really wanted it to amount to anything, nor did he care??? i mean he has the real thing with jensen, for one, so their characters aren’t really as important. for two, he loves joking about destiel because it’s a cultural phenomenon and it’s fascinating, and i’m sure he did ship it because he’s unhinged, but i don’t think it was vastly important to him either way.) destiel got popular because everyone was and is unintentionally reading into the real deal. i could pull up countless gifs that people have used as destiel proof that is actually just jensen and misha being messy. mainly jensen. if i’m being honest.  the symbiotic relationship between destiel and cockles is why i’ve stayed onboard the destielcule and shellerscape for three solid months now; because it is utterly fascinating to witness and kind of super beautiful, too. 

5. alma(and others). so. i do NOT want to really REALLY get into this in its entirety here and now so i will just give you my opinion on if i think alma is misha or not. also; i don’t want to mention the other poetry accounts here bc i feel like that’s a bigger breach in privacy, but a lot of people do know about alma now. way too many, actually. this is why we can’t have nice things. anyway-to answer your question-there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that yes, misha is running that alma poetry account. i am 100% certain. some people think it’s actually three people and they’re all connected to misha in some way but that is so needlessly complicated. as it goes in psychology; the easiest explanation is probably the right one. it’s just one person running that account, and it is misha collins. i don’t know why it’s so hard to believe KNOWN POET misha collins(who is known to spend most of his free time writing poetry anyway) would have created a secret poetry account to write about his intense secret relationship under an alias and also get legitimate feedback since no one used to know it was him. oh and the handwriting is identical??? you are blind if you do not see that i am sorry. and a million other things prove it’s misha too but yeah all you need to know is yes. it’s him. it would take a literal livestream from a random woman on that account to convince me otherwise. and honestly not even that because a random woman could technically still log in if misha asked her too. so. it would take a hell of a lot to convince me otherwise, clearly. that said DO NOTTTTTTTTTTTT GO ONTO THAT ACCOUNT WITH A SUPERNATURAL RELATED USERNAME AND COMMENT THINGS THAT ARE COCKLES RELATED. ARE YOU BRAIN DEAD WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT’S OKAY. sorry i got heated but god please just don’t be dumb so many people have already gone way too far 

6. thank you for your lovely compliment on my analyses!!! i love doing them but i don’t know if people actually like reading them so i really appreciate it

[tanoraqui]

Hi! I see you posting all this stuff about the Queen's Thief series and it really looks like my type of literature, but I can't keep up with all the names and locations. Would it be okay to ask for a non-spoilery rundown of who, what, and where?

Hell yeah [at a delay]. So, most of the series takes place on the Attolian Peninsula, which comprises of 3 countries: Sounis, Eddis, and Attolia. There are also a scattering of small islands generally associated with the peninsula. Eddis is a narrow country in the mountains between Sounis and Attolia and only has, like, 1 small port; Sounis and Attolia both have substantial coastlines. All are monarchies. The basic geopolitical plot of the books is these three countries making peace with one another so that together they can hold off hte encroaching Mede Empire. 

It’s very low fantasy. Rifles and cannons exist, but they’re not that good yet; complex clockwork exists; steam engines do not. The Attolian Peninsua are heavily Ancient Greece-inspired, and the Mede are Persian-ish. Most importantly, there’s an entire made-up Greek-flavored mythology, as well as a Gilgamesh remix, stories of which are scattered through the books. Not only is this very neat, but the mythological figures often mirror the characters and are often vital to the plot. In fact, one of my favorite things about the series is how the whole thing feels very much like a myth in its own right, which some modern-day-in-that-world author has delved into and expanded on with fleshed-out characters and complex politics.

But you wanted a cast list. Most significant characters, in (probably) order of introduction, spoiler-free:

Eugenides, aka Gen, the central character of the series - though only the protagonist for the first couple books. Book and a half, really (the second is shared). Gen is a young progessional thief who is very good at calculating and carrying out complex and implausibly possible plans, and not always good at considering in advance consequences like “I will spend 6 months in jail” “I will have to move countries and take up a job I will hate”, “people might unironically admire and respect me, even though I don’t think I deserve it.” A wildly endearing manipulative asshole. Iconic quote: “I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT!”

the Magus (never named), a chief advisor to the King of Sounis. Canny old soldier-turned-scholar/politician who is the first person to hold a braincell re: “we need to unite or die.” Iconic quote: “I meant convince your queen to sue for peace, not burn our navy in its own harbor!”

Sophos, later Sounis*, the Nicest Young Man to ever be a Nice Young Man. Sweet muffin. Canonical bunny. Also canonical mankiller. Iconic line: “Not on the first vote.”

Attolia* Irene, Queen of Attolia. Her people love her and fear her; her barons, for the most part, just fear her; she kicks and screams (non-literally) and throws inkpots (literally), but she does relearn how to both be loved and give love in return.  Iconic line [narration]: And she believed him.

Eddis* Helen, Queen of Eddis. There’s a mild running joke over the course of the series of mentioning that there’s nothing to do during Eddisian winters but [X], the 3 things mentioned are weapons training, threadcraft, and seducing one another’s spouses. The only one Eddis is suggested to be good at is weapons, but she’s the beloved and (almost entirely) undisputed queen of her country anyway. Iconic quote: “War, then.”

Nahuseresh, Medean ambassador, a mansplainer but competent as sneakily taking over someone else’s country while pretending to help them. More or less. Does not get an iconic line bc fuck him.

Kamet, later called Kamet Kingnamer, Nahuseresh’s slave and personal secretary. Nearsighted, translates poetry for fun, does NOT want to go on a multi-month (b)romance-building roadtrip. Does not have much choice in the matter, because he wants to be free and, more importantly, to survive. Iconic line [narration]: I noticed that a man on the dock with a duffel on one shoulder was very like Costis in poise and gait. The man turned onto the gangplank to board the ship, and my heart lifted, though I tried to squash what I thought was a ridiculous hope.**

 Costis Ormentides, a lieutenant in the Attolian palace guard. Not remotely prepared for the political snakepit he’s thrown into through very little fault of his own, oh god this poor man, he just wants to serve his queen and have a little spare money to go out for wine with friends. Why are people trying to kill him. Why is he third wheeling his monarchs making out in the courtyard. Why is he being passive-aggressively forced to learn a foreign language.  Iconic line action: *punches the king in the face*

Pheris Mostrus Erondites, second grandson of Baron Erondites of Attolia; historian and narrator of the last book in the series. Severely physically disabled, purposefully overlooked for all his life until particularly bitchy politics had him sent to the Attolian royal court (purposely on his part and on everyone else’s), very observant and twice as clever. Writes humanity beautifully. Iconic line [narration]: If I cannot record exactly what words were spoken at every moment, I can say with confidence what those words might have been, and in some cases what they must as been, as I saw what resulted from them being spoken, and can we not derive the words when we know the consequences of their utterance? *proceeds to write a historical account/novel more full of small moments of personhood and love both dramatic and casual than almost the rest of the series combined*

Relius, Attolian Master of the Archives (spymaster), trusted first within reason and then beyond it. Has many, many lovers.***

Teleus, Attolian Captain of the Palace Guard, A bit staid, but loyal, reliable, and entirely excellent at his job. Has only one lover.***

the Eddisian Minister of War, unnamed until the very end, fights with his youngest son a great deal in multiple senses of the word. 

* It’s possible that some of your confusion may stem from people taking the names of their countries as titles upon ascending to the thrones. ** Yes I chose this quote bc it’s sweet but also bc it’s SUCH a nearsighted mood. *** Direct quotes from the character list at the end of the last book.

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

AU Raffle: Cryptid AU!

[COMPLETE]

The result of the random selection was the Cryptid AU! Multiple people suggested this, so I'm looking forward to hearing all the ideas and extensions you guys will come up with. This will be a masterpost collecting them all, and it will be pinned for the duration of the AU.

Original suggestion: "For the Raffle. Cryptid AU. None of the Hermits are truly human and they all are really powerful cryptids that are hiding their true nature. The catch! Every Hermit thinks the other Hermits are totally normal and they are the only cryptid one. Hilarity ensures with everyone trying to explain the extrange things that keep happening "

Some ideas I came up with:

- every Hermit is a cryptid or monster of some kind, except for Grian, who is fully human and completely clueless about everything that's going on (suggested by a previous ask)

- Team ZIT is an investigation group trying to prove the existence of cryptids, but each one of them is subtly trying to sabotage the investigation to hide their own cryptid-ness. None of the three know the other two are also cryptids. Hilarity ensues.

- Xisuma probably knows what's going on with everyone, but he's not saying anything

- Mumbo is doing an absolutely horrible job of hiding that he's a cryptid, but somehow people still don't notice. Iskall is probably the closest to figuring it out.

- VintageBeef has already figured out that Keralis isn't human, but Keralis is bribing him to keep quiet

I hope that's enough to get the ball rolling! Send in your ideas using asks, and I'll put them down here!

If you need ideas about which cryptid would fit best with which Hermit, this list may be helpful.

Anonymous Additions:

- I feel like xisuma should be some kind of shapeshifter

- cleo was brought back to life by a family that loved her very much- or at least, that was what they tried to do. in reality, they brought a completely new soul back in the body of a deceased relative. cleo felt uncomfortable around people who thought she was a different person than she was, so she ran away and eventually befriended the hermits bc she just felt ~drawn to them~. she disguises her bloodless skin and lack of body heat with thick clothes and lots of makeup

- Cleo, of course, is a zombie, but she also has ties to Cthulu that she doesn't really try to hide, but that people overlook all the time. I'm just saying, an avatar of an eldritch being having to be a zombie kinda makes sense...

- Cthulu needed a body, and this kind family was nice enough to supply one! It was kinda their fault really, praying to ancient gods and making deals without reading the fine print. Cleo might feel guilty, but it wasn't on her, not really

- cryptid au: joe isn't a human, but a changeling: a shapeshifting, nonhuman entity that evolved to invade human families like a cuckoo. he has the ability to bend light to make illusions, but he normally just uses his powers to make himself appear human. however he does like to make all lime green things he sees invisible, for the lulz

- What about mumbo being a vampire, it just introduces the idea of so many odd behaviors that the others are just oblivious to

- What if ren is a werewolf(I know it isn't original) and he just thinks of the other hermits as his pack and is therefor very protective of them

- Obligatory Ren is a Werewolf for the Cryptid AU. He is acts like a gigant puppy when he is in wolf form. Nobody questions why sometimes they found a gigant wolf trying to play fetch with them. But nobody is complaining. Everyone talks about it and Ren is just upset because the gigant pupper has never come to see him. Surprise!! Not even Ren knows he is a werewolf

- idk if your still doing cryptid stuff because i don't really know how this works but,, what if everyone thinks that Grian Is Something when he's not. They keep trying to figure it out by asking him weird questions or trying to get him to do weird stuff, but he still stays completely oblivious. And then since Xisuma knows what everyone is, he thinks it's hilarious trying to watch everyone try to find something that isn't there.

- Cryptid au: Doc has made it obvious that he is a cryptid like, he explains it so obviously even an idiot would tell that he's one, But no one has figured out yet. So after the 15th time of explaining things he decides to present how he's a cryptid, by making a goatess.

- For the au, I have 2 ideas for grian, either he is very outspoken about not believing in the super natural, or he very much does believe in the supernatural, either way he unknowingly befriends multiple cryptids and is very confused

- Cryptic AU: Tango has fire for hair, and no ones really questioned as to why?

- What if false was a siren, just because it seems like an interesting idea (my addition: Wels would also make a great siren)

- Stress seems like the type to be an elf, graceful and cheerful, and of course admiring nature's beauty

- What if Impulse was mothman, I like this idea because of the whole team zit being paranormal investigators and they just go looking for mothman on one trip, and Impulse is just standing there probably feeling a bit awkward

- If Impulse is Mothman and he can fly and Tango is like a fire demon that controls fire, is only fair that Zed is an aquatic Cryptid. Maybe related to a lake monster or he is a Sea Serpent

- Yeti Iskall getting used to the hot environment of the Jungle??? Maybe?

- i have no clue how this works but etho is related to ningen in a way (Antarctic sea creatures from Japanese folklore)

- Joe's poems seem to stick in your head, echoing around for hours after you hear them, ringing between your ears. Their subjects vary, but they often seem eerily prophetic, warnings encased in rhythm and rhyme. Sometimes you swear you can hear the soft scritch of a pen on paper, before you realize you are the only one around.

- Wait how the hell would jevin hide that fact he's a slime? Better yet how do the other hermits not put to and to together? Through I think jevin probably wouldn't even bother trying to hide it, I mean he's a huge blob of slime how would you not be able to tell

(my response, summarized) Jevin inhabits a body of slime because that's the easiest way to hide his true form. "Jevin" is a non-physical entity that can possess other lifeforms by destroying their will. He chose a slime this time because it was easy and inconspicuous.)

- Cryptid au: Team ZIT have a headquarters and they all pitched in to commission Etho to make their door bell chime, the ghost busters theme, and afterward interrogated Etho to the ground.

- Doc is not a creeper with cyborneticts. Doc is the AI that came with the cyborneticts and over-wrote the conciousness of the creeper. Figured that making Doc something else would be too dificult so maybe subverting what he is with what we got alredy is enough (like you did with Jevin)

- I am putting this here for vampire mumbo in the au because the thought will not leave my head. It's dark, and mumbo's eyes seem to reflect light very well, his canine teeth seem just a bit too long and sharp, they seem to be stained red,was he always this tall? Something about him seems off, he seems very elegant in this darkness.

- cryptid au: when joe was young, he was ignored so much that he turned invisible. you can still see his shadow but you could look directly at him and not see him there with the best tools. he disguises himself by staying quiet, using text to communicate with the other hermits or by covering himself with clothes and masks so nobody would be able to see his body even if he wasnt invisible.

- For the au I think that Iskall could be a dryad because of his base this season

- Imagine if you will: Tango leaves town for a bit so the team ZIT can't do their "investigations". Impulse gets bored and decided to pretend to kidnap Zedaph in mothman-form. When Tango returns, Zedaph tells him how he almost was kidnapped by Mothman (and is over-exaggerating on every detail)

- What if in the au there is a situation where team zit is in some sort of danger, and so each of them just independently decide that they have to reveal the fact of their cryptid selves, and they just collectivly think,"huh. Okay." And after they are safe, they just talk about it as a group

- Beef is big foot.

- Biffa looks like a robot or cyborg, which one? He won't say. Maybe its because its neither, maybe he's just a walking body with a mind, maybe he's just a suit of armor roaming the world, maybe a spirit or ghost from the past, maybe a mob whose inhabited and pilots the body, maybe he's just Biffa. Only he knows, but he won't say

- Cryptid AU: I’m just imagining zedaph or tango throwing a bell at grian in an attempt to “capture” him under the suspicion that he’s part fae or something at a server meeting

- About Cryptid!Wels, sometimes, when the night is dark and the world is silent, you'll hear it; a soft voice in the darkness. You can't help but listen to it as you get lost in the song, swaying to the melody as your foot moves to the beat. The song gets louder and your feet are more frantic as they seem to take you somewhere. Suddenly, the voice stops singing and so you stop moving, and when you open your eyes you find yourself on the edge of the cliff overlooking the ocean. The siren lurks near

- Doc isnt a Creeper with cybrog parts but a robot made to look like a creeper, that arm and eye? yea just exposed parts from years of just not caring enough. He's waiting to see when someone will call him out on it. So far, only TFC and X but they like to watch how long this will go. Doc isnt even hiding anymore, he loves to mess with Grian by making remarks that imply he's a robot but Grian just can't figure it out

- tbh I love the idea of Joe as a regular human who just acts super cryptic and strange, and has a bit of skill at poetry. others try and figure out what he is, and he's just vibing in a corner, the last one anyone would expect to be the sole normal person on the server

- Cryptid AU. Joe and Cleo as the ‘One Bagel. No!! Two bagels!’ Vine. Joe being the one that asked and Cleo ignoring Cthulhu

- Joe starts sharing different ideas of what he could be, and only Cleo knows (mostly... she's the closest at least). Joe's mystery is a Hermitcraft classic, greeting every hermit except X, who still only has what Joe's told him to go on. He delights in the chaos he causes

- Scar is a poltergeist, he hides it well. One time Grian caught him using his powers, after scar fessed up, in private, they both bring some amount of chaos to the server, but not to much so the ZIT crypt hunters, name in progress, don't know about the chaos, thus not puting the duo in danger.

- Mumbo might be a vampire, but it isn’t for blood (at least, not anymore). Only Grian has come close to figuring it out, and it’s due to seeing how refreshed and satisfied his friend looks after being around 2+ groups of people. If only he would just straight up and ask. - 🦊

- Rather last minute but do you have any ideas of how Evil Xisuma could fit into this? Would he be a shapeshifter as well. A copy of X's true form? A demon haunting Xisuma? Just X's pesky brother? There's a handful of ideas I can't personally decide what would fit best. Maybe none of them at all, who know?

Cryptid Au. Xisuma shapeshifts for fun. Thats how we get Turtle!Xisuma, Beesuma and Stridersuma. All hermits just assume X changes his suit because they have never seen his face so there is no way for them to know he shifts. Also clasic headcanon that TFC is Herobrine and he is just laying low in Hermitcraft after years of going around worlds. Everyone knows the legend about Herobrine but have not connected the dots yet because TFC is just everyone’s grandpa. No way he could be Herobrine.

- @/ivi-prism

- While most might assume that Grian would be a harpy, its actully Scar. He's incredibly flexable in Human form, hes able to manuver his foot behind his head, and moret than once has Cub walked in on Scar with a living fish in his mouth. He never questioned it because "Hey, Vex magics weird."

- Imagine- sytyr Zedaph and Fae Impulse walking in on Willowwisp Tango who,because willowwisps are typically tiny, shrunk in response to panic and is now stuck in a caldron. I think that be hilarious. Just the idea of impulse going-"YOUR A CRYPTID?" while Zed just "WAIT I KNEW I DIDNT BURN THOSE PAPERS!" Which leads into a discussion of ZIT internal sabotage, and suddenly ZIT invesigation changes direction from "Are cryptids real" to "Is anyone else a Cryptid cause this cannot be a Coincidence"

- @/crypticalwitch

- Cryptic AU: Tango can also control his hair, to an extent. He can slick it back, but it still looks like burning embers. It's a bit mesmerizing

- Cryptid AU: Cub was a normal guy, maybe with some weirder interests, before the Vex. "Playing" with their magic too much is what made him a cryptid. So maybe he understands that the other hermits aren't exactly "human". But it isn't his business, and it means they don't question what the Vex get him into, so he just doesn't say anything about it

- Cryptic AU: Team ZIT's strongest evidence for Grian is the fact he's a master with an elytra, especially since he first said he "might use it a little bit" for long journeys. He's flown into a dark hole in a dark wall that's barely big enough to fit him multiple times, with ease, among other risky stunts that would get other hermits killed. The fact there's not much else to go on, besides his pranking zeal only matched by Zed himself, drives them up the wall

- Cryptic AU: when you stay out too long at night, you might start to feel watched. You'll turn around and nobody is there, but still you feel eyes on your back, and the breeze always seems hot and brushes your neck like too-close breathing and a hand. Finally, you catch it: a familiar figure that stands too stiffly, always just too far away to name. Then it vanishes with an airy shriek, and phantoms descend from the stars. Bdubs did always say the worst things happen in the night.

- Cryptic AU: Impulse's smiles are just a little too big. If you look at one too long, you feel as though it's stretching wider and wider, the cheery shine in his eyes twisting into a hungry gleam, but then you blink and he's back to normal ol Impulse and you question if you really saw anything. That time you saw his smile glinting in the darkness just beyond your bed must've been a nightmare. Your imagination.

- Cryptic AU: Don't look into his eyes. Look in, and you will see the universes. Billions of stars, trillions of futures, all impossibly swirling together, hauntingly beautiful. You'll fall down, down, down through the glittering spirals, until with a breathtaking snap you're on your knees, on solid ground. You're lucky he doesn't want to keep you, like others might. The lives and worlds you glimpsed will echo through your mind, weave through your dreams. Do not fear. Do not look into his eyes.

- The mountain is his territory. If you enter it unbidden, he will ensure you leave, lucky to keep your life. His contraptions are nonsense, seeming to serve no purpose other than to confuse. They distract from how the air crackles on your skin, how it tastes of storms and thunder. They distract how, from the corner of your eye, Zedaph's limbs are too long, fingers with too many knuckles and legs with too many knees. All angles and bones, like his designs. Do not look too closely at his garden.

- Everyone learned not to ask about him. Mostly because in trying to form the question, you'll find the words slipping from your mind. So Tango's hair burns, his eyes are red cherries. In the darkness he glows, the embers of a forgotten fire. His skin is always hot, almost feverish, yet he isnt sick. If he gets too close to lava, the illusion fades, reveals the magma that forms his skin. Illusion? No, that was just a burn. He relishes the smoke and rubble of explosions. Control. Always controlled.

- xB doesn't mind being away from the other hermits. It's quiet there; far enough away that most aren't bothered to prank him. He doesn't like surprises. Surprises get people hurt. Gets his friends hurt. His guardians appreciate the still predictability. The calm. Yes, he prefers to sit back, quiet, and watch. If he looks too long, bad things happen. So he observes it all, never focusing too much on one detail, never letting them go unseen. It prevents surprises.

- Because that last one wasn't all that clear, xB is a guardian-based cryptid! While nothing seems inhuman about him at a glance, he has a close affinity to water, and when threatened the spines he hides with his clothes will stick out. (Guardians only spawn in water, but they actually don't suffocate in air! Though their desperate flopping is a sad sight to behold) Plus, laser-eyes

- Xisuma wasn't always able to change his form as easily or drastically as he can now. But by now, he's forgotten his own face. Now, he'll feel his skin, his body begin to itch with the need to change. He's glad the hermits don't seem to care when he does. Keralis's mimicry was a surprise, but a welcome one. He feels less alone. Loneliness is how he would lose himself. He's scared of that possibility.

- When he sleeps, he walks through the minds of those whose eyes met his, as if it were his own dream. He'll hear their thoughts as if they were his own. He doesn't like this. It feels like an invasion. He feels like a parasite, and maybe he is. Whoever he dreamed through last, they seem exhausted and jumpy after, while he feels energized, near invincible. It's through this ability he knows their deepest secrets, but they aren't his to tell. Sometimes, he wishes he could understand. (Xisuma pt 2)

- Cryptid AU: another reason that Grian cant possibly be a human is his clothes. Just. How does he have something for every occasion. He even has a janitor one? Why did he have that? This "man" doesn't own a single closet yet has at least 20 different costumes-- not to mention you blink and he's changed! Wh- he had a REAPER costume for himself AND SCAR???

- @/basaltdragon

- Cryptid AU: Grian used to be against cryptids because of Sam (YHS) and his bunny attributes, but has since accepted the fact Sam was just a bad apple, and cryptids as a whole are neutral/good.

- Your heart, it beats, like redstone ticking away within you. He knows redstone through and through... so why not you too? Every pulse sent though the machine of your body is one more reason for him to reverse engineer you. But he restrains, takes a step back, as these machines could never be put back together.

- He's been here since the beginning; not of Hermitcraft, but everything. Watching as the game evolved over the years... He smiles at the thought. His hair now matching his eyes - like harsh reflective snow - he recalls these memories fondly. As his eyes fade to their piercing blue, he sighs, for this is home.

- When any of the other Hermits (at least the ones with blood) get injured, Mumbo has to step away. The need for their blood, their lifeforce, is too overwhelming.

- @/12u3ie

- Cryptid AU: with the team ZIT headquarters I thought of something similar to the TEA headquarters from season 3. Probably more confusing, colourful and chock full of even more excessive redstone doors. Why not add another elevator? Where's the coffee machine? Maybe the next room over? Was that corridor there before? I don't know. What's the use of that room? What's behind that door? What's behind you?

- Cryptid AU: with the whole burning hair thing on Tango, another explanation for why no one questions it. That's just Hermitcraft, people just assume he either royally messed up a redstone machine, or succeeded completely, you never know with Tango. Or maybe they think they're sleep deprived. They haven't slept in a while, Bdubs has been reminding them to do so. What were they doing? Maybe they should go home instead. Whatever they were doing can probably be done later. What were they doing?

- @/the-royal-bat-snake

- If joe is a changing then he is some kind of fae folk or as the irish and the Scots call them "the good neighbours" he could like anything, from a human, a small man, like knee height or a small green impish or goblin esque creature. Also changlings were the very old fae folk, not just the babies (humma women were stolen to be nurse maids cus fae folk cant make milk, also stolen to be mistresses) I know a lot of irish faerie lore so if you want to know anymore

- @/whatschooldoesntteachyou

[shingia]

hiii may i request a match up with a male reader if that’s okay with you!

um i’m around 5’5/5’6 and i have a thick build. i’m non-binary and use both she and they pronouns! i have caramel colored skin and black shoulder length curly hair. i have dark brown eyes and i have my septum pierced, both sides of my nose pierced, and my belly pierced. i’m queer if that helps any! my mbti is an intp and my ennegram is an 8w1. i kin both oikawa and kenma and possibly tsukishima. (if you give me one of them as my matchup i’m completely fine with that lol).

i’m a sagittarius sun, cancer moon, and leo rising! my love languages are definitely words of affirmation and gift giving. i’m a lover of music except country and my fashion style is in between y2k 00s, goth, and a bratz doll all in one lol. i also dabble in lots of other aesthetics because i can’t choose just one to save my life.

i love both autumn and winter and my favorite type of weather are thunderstorms and snow where it’s like 6+ inches of it. um about my personality it’s really all over the place. i can switch and change it depending on how i feel that day. i’ve been described as ambiverted, i’m somewhat blunt to a fault, and i’m a big daydreamer.

i am somewhat egotistical and i experience my emotions very intensely but i also hide them well. i’m very independent and reserved. i keep to myself and only interact with people i want to. i’m always looking for the next best thing and i’m very big on traveling. i’m sarcastic and i’m not afraid to bite back at anyone.

i’m someone who will stay up all night and sleep in during the day the night time is my favorite! i’m also an artist. i can draw, do poetry, dance, etc. i’m more of a listener rather than a talker because i’m very big on observing and feeling out ones energy. i am moody as well (sadly) and really enjoy my time by myself so i’m able to recharge.

i really hope i did this right cause i feel like i didn’t give a lot of information 😭but thank u for ur time!!! <3

🖤 a/n : hi~~ ! oh and also, you’re welcome😁💕  

i ship you with…

𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐀 !

(i’m glad you said i could match you up with one of your kins bcs tsukki just makes a lot of sense)

ok first of all : the TASTE of your aesthetic would make him fall head over heels. and that’s no small thing to say for the ceo of pushing his feelings away :))

obviously music would be a veeery strong bond between you two (i’m pretty sure he doesn’t listen to country either lmao). he might even switch to earbuds so that you can listen to music together between classes <33

gift giving might come pretty early in the relationship, mainly little trinkets that would make him think of you every now and then

words of affirmation might take a bit longer tho, but i have hope in this boy, i know he’ll get there eventually

also PLEASE be blunt, i think he would be absolutely incapable of dating someone that’s not honest and straightforward !

ngl the fact that you two tend to hide your feelings might make the beginning of the relationship a bit slow, but that’s just because you need to get used to the idea of having someone to share your life with. and it’s totally ok, actually it’s probably more healthy that you two feel the same about that

i have the feeling that tsukki would be the kind of guy who tries super hard to pretend he’s not ecstatic at the sight of snow, but deep down he’s a literal child with stars in his eyes

so once he sees that you’re very much of a snow enthusiast, he’ll drop the mask and just enjoy it with you. same goes for thunderstorms, he’s definitely the kind of guy that looks at the sky by the window because he thinks storms are very soothing

i have already said that in a previous matchup but tsukishima is definitely a big daydreamer, you guys could probably spend afternoons together while being both deep in your thoughts and just enjoying each other’s company

bonus point if you start to draw while he’s there, he would definitely steal glances at your work and maybe even ask to keep the drawing (please let him 🥺)

also your independence and need for some alone time would not be a problem at all. that’s probably why your relationship would be so stable : because you respect each other’s boundaries

and please, tsukishima dating someone who’s more of a listener than a talker ? i’m not saying you’d be his therapist, but like, kind of ? i think he’d just feel very comfortable talking to you because he knows you have many similar personality traits

oh and, sign him up for traveling! he probably often thinks about what life would be like in another country every time he listens to music on his own at school. like i said : hugeee daydreamer

<33

[soft-ris]

HI FRIEND, FOR THE CP: (such a cute idea btw!!!) let me see if i get this right...i cut it short but i have curly hair, dark dark brown but with some really cool natural blonde highlights. i have bluish-silver eyes and i think nice lips, and am around 5'7" (174 cm i think?). i am a WRITER to the core, super creative, ideas hit me 24/7. i really love history and would love to visit ruins someday. movie junkie. i'm sarcastic but like to think to think i'm also funny! I'LL BE 🐄 I HAVE ONE MORE 😫

OKAY ITS 🐄 AGAIN. as i said i really love making people laugh and writing poetry for people. i'm very selfless but often to a major fault lol, not very good at taking care of myself a lot. self esteem? DON'T KNOW HER. but hey, i kinda enjoy cooking, and i really love reading!! (IS THIS OVERSHARING) since we only have jojo in common my top 3 are risotto🖤, DIO⚰ and Jonathan🗡 :^) thank you AGAIN an i hope you have an absolutely wonderful day my dood

———————————————————————

Cupid’s Pick for your match made in heaven is...

...Jonathan!

———————————————————————

I'm very selfless but often to a major fault lol. Not very good at taking care of myself a lot. Self-esteem? DON'T KNOW HER.

The MAIN reason I chose Jonathan was because of this. Jonathan’s a whole gentleman (I mean he basically strived to be one). Kind and sweet and positive and has a heart bigger than both his boobs and ass cheeks combined. He would be the best match up for you because his affirmations and positive attitude and sweetness would be like to honey to your tea, the sugar to your coffee, the whipped cream to your strawberry. He’s the best (out of the characters you’ve given me) in reassuring you. And because of his personality and disposition, you’d be well taken care of (physically especially). Your self-esteem would also flourish because there’s no doubt that he loves you and only you (romantically), and he’d remind and show you for as long as he’s with you. He’d also appreciate your selflessness the most because he’s always out there being selfless, so having it be done to him is just a big uwu for him. I feel like that’s how he shows his devotion and love, and so your selflessness is just top notch in catching his heart. But when you take it too far, he will reign you back in. He may scold you, but you’ll know it’s because he means well and he doesn’t want to see you hurt or exhausted. He’s sincere in that sense, and because of that, you know he means it when he tells you he loves you, when he calls you beautiful, when he says you own his heart and soul because you actually do. In the long-term, I see his personality just helping you improve your self-esteem and self-care and selflessness naturally.

While I was tempted to match you up with Risotto, Jonathan ultimately won out because I do not see him (Ris) doing as well with this aspect of yours (compared to big boy Jonathan).  He can translate your selflessness to either being a pushover (when you bend yourself backwards for others, and he’s disapproving of that because he believes you should respect yourself more and may even take you under his wing instead of his bedsheets lol) OR he can interpret this as either your loyalty to him (when you bend yourself backwards for him). With the latter, he may end up taking advantage of it sometimes. This is because I believe he’s so used to having things taken away from him or not having enough of something, so he may subconsciously demand more of you in some manifestation of greed. So you’d end up giving more, he’d end up taking more, and it’s just not a good balance. ESPECIALLY if you say you’re not good at taking care of yourself. I’m not saying he won’t take care of you if you two are dating, but I also think he needs someone who can essentially function well without him (since he’s so busy and has a lot on his plate and can’t always be there for you; I’m not saying you’re a burden bc you’re not, I’m just saying Ris has a lot going on and he doesn’t want to be the reason for your decline in health and mental state if y’all were dating bc he wasn’t there and he will beat himself up over it).

The biggest reason I didn’t pair you up with DIO specifically is because I feel like he would 1000000000000000000000% take advantage of this. He’s not above that and he most likely will not feel remorse for that. Hell, he would 100% enjoy utilizing your disposition to his advantage, and in the long-term (hell, even in short-term), that’s not good for you and your health at all. As shown countless times before, he relishes in power and does not enjoy it when people are of equal or higher standing than him. And because of that, I feel like he would not hesitate to use your low self-esteem and selflessness to further his ego and complex. DIO’s also surrounded by gorgeous people every day, and he wouldn’t bat an eyelash if you were to voice your insecurities to him. Although, he may end up also using sweet reassuring words to you just so you fall under his spell harder (which means it would be easier to manipulate u and ur selflessness) OR he may exploit it and make you feel more insecure but also manipulate you to be more mindlessly devoted to him (it’s easier to use that forehead bug thing but that’s removable). All in all, it would just breed an extremely dependent and toxic relationship between the 2 of you because you would never be his equal, even in a relationship with him. He’s not the antagonist for nothing lol (I’m well aware of his past and the implications/effects it has, but we’ve all seen how he has acted throughout his life and his thought process). 0/10 recommend.

I am a WRITER to the core, super creative, ideas hit me 24/7.

Jonathan would be supportive all around and would love to help you in any way he could. He’d want to read everything you produce too! Overall, extremely proud of your creativity and if you publish a book, he will throw a party, make Speedwagon buy a copy too, and cherishes the first copy you give him.

Risotto would gift you things to help you with this, like books, stationaries, & etc. Would help you out with proofreading and editing too if he has the time. He’s supportive like that and he’s attracted to how you’re so creative and can draw inspiration at all times.

DIO thinks your creativity is admirable. He would also love to read what you write, but is very critical. He’s read so many books, and while preference is subjective, he knows what good writing is (based on genre, style, & etc.). So if it’s not good, you’ll know why from A to Z. And if you get disheartened by him, he will look down on you and call your passion weak.

I really love history and would love to visit ruins someday.

Jonathan seems like he likes travelling in general, so he would love to visit with you too! Might not be super into history, but well, anything will interest this big puppy if you tell him passionately enough.

Risotto looks like he doesn’t mind? Not super interested, not super disinterested either, but will travel with you if he’s able to free up his schedule.

DIO can only go at night, but he looks like he enjoys history and ruins.

Movie junkie.

Jonathan and you would set up a weekly movie night date thing, and he’ll let you pick whenever because he just loves to spend time with youwu. He has some favourites, but if the movie doesn’t interest him, he’ll still sit through it but his attention would be on cuddling you.

Risotto? Kinda depends on the genre? But he looks like the kind to not have enough time to be a movie lover or sit through one for you, so not the best match.

DIO prefers books so he won’t indulge in this love of yours, but if it’s an adaptation from a book he would watch it. But he’ll be a raging bitch if doesn’t match up to the books. Honestly, if he’s uninterested, he won’t be watching it.

I’m sarcastic but like to think to think I’m also funny!

I see Jonathan as someone who enjoys it when his partner can quip back, so while he may not find sarcasm funny most of the time (when aimed at him), he does find it attractive. If you’re sarcastic to the people who give him a hard time, he would kiss you passionately afterwards and who knows… you might even get dicked down after oho. If you’re sarcastic to the people he cares about, he won’t mind if no one’s feelings are hurt.

DIO won’t tolerate being disrespected in any form, even if it’s a joke. I just can’t see him allowing that with that God complex of his lol, but he does find it amusing when you’re sarcastic to other people.

Risotto loves sarcasm, but he has an image to keep. So as long as you don’t undermine or disrespect him (you have to have a 6th sense with the boundaries), he’s more than happy to sass you back or chuckle at it.

I really love making people laugh.

Jonathan and Risotto appreciates this the most. Finds it lovely. Jonathan especially because he finds it so sweet that you want to bring laughter to others. Risotto enjoys a partner who would love to bring more joy into his life. But I see the shit Risotto laughs at as dry or dark or when its real stupid or boomer/dad-like, anything else he’s a little like ‘ok’. Jonathan appreciates the effort alone and would tease you a little if it’s a really bad joke (all in good nature of course).

DIO…he laughs mostly at other people’s demise or stupidity or cluelessness. That’s all I’m gonna say.

I really love writing poetry for people.

Jonathan would SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOON SO hard. He would show it off to Speedwagon and then keep it tucked somewhere safe so he can read it whenever he wants to.

God he’s just so in love with you and he thinks it’s just so romantic of you. He absolutely loves it. Hell, even if it’s not for him, he’s so proud and awestruck because poetry is hard and he’s just so proud whenever he brags about this skill/hobby of yours. He also thinks it’s so sweet of you to write poetry for others and love doing it. Man just has heart eyes all around and I can’t blame him.

DIO would be smug about it for all the same reasons but in a more…condescending way? Like ‘HA. Do you peasants see that? Their talent? You could never lmao’. But would get pissy if you write for others more than you write for him because he should be your #1.

Risotto would say thank you and give you a kiss. Outwardly he won’t show as much (unless you look hard enough and notice the way his eyes soften more, like the way he would smile too, and his cheeks might even have a touch of pink), but he will forever treasure the poem. He also keeps his favorite on him all the time, like a little good luck charm. He doesn’t brag about your talent, but he’ll proudly agree if someone brings it up. Of course, you wouldn’t know all this though (unless you accidentally find out).

I kinda enjoy cooking.

Johnathan has a refined palate because of his upbringing, but he also looks like he’d eat whatever you cook solely because you made it just for him. He’s a gentleman and a sap with a big heart, if he doesn’t like it, he’ll eat it. He might tell you what can be tweaked, but never in a way that makes you feel bad or inadequate. He also looks like he can’t cook for shit lmao, so teach him!! He’s always down to do anything if it means spending time with the love of his life uwu

Risotto and DIO would tell you straight up if they don’t like what you’ve made. The difference is, DIO (if he ain’t a vampire yet) wouldn’t even touch it (anymore after the first bite) lmao, Risotto too but he’d end up cooking with you to teach you how to improve the dish. Of course, he doesn’t do it to shit on you. He appreciates the sentiment, but he’s not going to subject himself to something he doesn’t enjoy if he can help it. Also would turn it into a cooking date with you. DIO would just take over the kitchen and make you watch LOL

I really love reading!!

DIO too! I see Risotto enjoying it as well, but not as much and probably prefers music related hobbies. As for Jonathan, he doesn’t mind it? He’s not the biggest fan of it, but if you read it to him, he’d happily perch his head on your lap and listen to you like an audio book sent from the heavens (but somewhere along the way he will fall asleep KSKSKSK)

DIO would engage in conversations with you on the books (also thoroughly enjoys if you can keep it interesting), Risotto would if he knew the book (but would then just listen and ask questions if he didn’t), Jonathan is just happy to have your attention on him, but would read the book and talk about it with you if you want that.

Your physical appearance description.

Jonathan would just love to play with and admire your hair 24/7, and if his attention isn’t on your hair, then it’d be on your lips. Kissing, brushing his tongue or fingers or **** against your lips, just absolutely loving the shape and feel of it.

And because you’re also tall(-er than average?), kisses are SO much more easier to access and that’s such a plus uwu. I mean regardless of height, he can always just lift you, but he also doesn’t have to bend too far when plopping his head on the crown of ur head too. And if u wear heels or shoes that give u extra height? Power couple goals😩🤘🏼💫

[80sfern]

teacher’s pet

okay so. this is my first michael fic and i originally wrote this ab someone else and never finished it so i changed the name to michael and finished it, so if there’s anything that doesn’t really match up thats why. i’m putting a read more bc its lo send me an ask if u want more!!

word count: 4k

warnings: smut. lots of smut.

You don’t have any reason to be here except you’re trying to decide if you want to go to college and sit through classes all the time or try and do as many online classes as you can and avoid talking to shitty professors and getting called on even when you don’t know the answer. You’re sitting next to your best friend in her English lecture with one of your legs lifted resting across the desk, picking at the dry skin on your cuticles while you wait for the professor. They need to be redone, it’s been at least two weeks since you’ve gotten them done, it’s a wonder you didn’t break any yet.

You’re waiting for the professor to begin his lecture but as you look around the room you can’t find the Professor at his desk, only the student teacher standing next to the podium swiping through a pile of papers. He passes a stack to the first person in the row and the papers get passed around the room with each person taking one.

You’re still waiting for the Professor to arrive when the blond looks up and looks right at you and your friend, “Miss Lett, would you let your friend know I do not condone feet on my desks?” It hits you that the young man with curly hair is Professor Langdon and before your friend can pass along the message, you slide your leg from the desk. Your expensive boot clacks on the ground and the chain on the ankle jingles at the movement. The rest of class goes off without a hitch, he reads a poem off the paper he handed out and asks the room to analyze what the poem possibly means and annotate it and state various characteristics of it. He calls on students afterwards to ask their input on what they think the poem is talking about and then mentions an online assignment to write their own poem that would fit in the same genre of poetry.

By this point you’ve decided you quite enjoy the class, despite not having had an English class for the past two years you correctly guess what the speaker is talking about and you know the era that it comes from. The class is silent, everyone working on the new assignment the last few minutes before they’re dismissed when your phone goes off. Your cheeks flush as you hurry to shut it off as the other students glare at you for interrupting the peace. It’s silent again for a moment until Professor Langdon breaks it again, “Whoever’s phone just went off, see me after class you should know by now that I do not tolerate phones interrupting my class.”  

When he dismisses the class, your friend starts walking towards him and you grab her arm. “Paris, let me talk to him, it isn’t your fault.” She shakes her head but when you insist on talking to her professor she agrees to wait outside. You knock on the door of his office and before he can question you, you apologize. “Sorry for the trouble I caused you Mr. Langdon. It was my phone that went off, I really didn’t mean for it to, this is usually the time I wake up, so I had an alarm set and hadn’t turned it off.”

Mr. Langdon laughs lightly, it quickly dies out when he realizes you’re serious, “Your alarm? It’s almost two in the afternoon...Just make sure if you come back it doesn’t happen again; you aren’t a student here so I can’t punish you and give you an essay to write.” You nod and leave before it gets awkward, your fingers wiggling a wave as you pass through the door and return to your friend in the hallway.

++

A few nights later, you go to a bar off campus with your friend, hoping to get drunk but avoid annoying frat boys at the bars closer to the college. Your friend finds someone to hook up with in an hour and leaves you after you promise her that you’re safe and you’ll keep her updated through texts and if you really need her you’ll call her. It helps that you’ve met a cute boy with curly brown hair and a nice smile, who offered to buy you drinks but didn’t push for you to accept.

You keep talking to him until you feel a tap on your shoulder, and you turn around, your eyes widening as they come into contact with Paris’s professor. “I thought that was you, wasn’t sure with the lighting though.” You can’t help but check him out, his appearance now is so different from days before. Now he’s in a faded Coca-Cola shirt and a leather jacket, ripped blue denim on his legs, hair curly and flopping on his forehead rather than styled liked it was previously. “I didn’t get your name,” he adds and sits in the bar stool next to you.

Your cheeks flush as he flags down the bartender and orders you both another drink, “Her, Mr. Langdon.” You turn back towards the guy from earlier to apologize but he’s gone, you hadn’t even realized he left.

Michael sips his drink, “Call me Michael, what can I call you?” You bite your lip and hesitate before you tell him your name, holding out your hand for him to shake. Somehow, you end up flirting with him, leaning on your arm and you can’t stop staring at his lips and his Adam’s apple bobbing when he drinks and then licks his lips before he keeps talking. He has all your attention and he isn’t even doing anything particularly amazing, but his biceps look good wrapped in faded red after he took off his leather jacket and he keeps running his fingers through his hair and god everything he does is attractive.

You don’t remember moving but at some point a new group comes in and complains that there aren’t enough seats together at the bar and you offer yours and Michael in exchange for a booth and a minute later you’re sitting next to him in the vinyl seats and you’re so much closer now, your thigh is brushing his and you can feel his breath on your when he leans into you and laughs at something you said. The bar goes quiet for a minute, the band playing settles down between songs and you can’t stop staring at Michael, he’s talking but the alcohol is clouding your mind and you’re lost in the way his lips are moving and he keeps licking them and occasionally  biting.

Michael catches you staring and goes quiet, he knows you aren’t listening anymore so he slowly brings one hand to cup the back of your neck and he leans in until his lips are brushing yours and you can taste the alcohol on his breath and he leaves it for you to finish. It only takes a moment for you to get the hint, your right hand moving to rest on the back of his head as you push forward and kiss him, a moan falling from your lips at the contact. When he pulls away you chase after, your free hand pressing into his thigh to stop him from moving away, so he settles for resting his forehead against yours. “Fuck...I shouldn’t be doing this,” He mutters as you brush your lips against his, your fingers petting the back of his head.

You shrug and rub your nose against his, “I’m not one of your students, Mr. Langdon.” You kiss him again and he groans, one of his hands shifting to hold your waist as your lean further into him.

He pulls away as you’re thinking about crawling into his lap, wondering what sound he would make if you did it. “I hope this doesn’t sound bad, but I live like a block away.��� You don’t want to seem desperate, but you think you might as you nod and press another kiss to his lips while pulling him out of the booth. He reminds you of his tab that needs to be paid and while the bartender takes care of his tab and yours after Michael insists, you both sip on cups of water courtesy of the bartender.

You clutch his arm as he leads you out of the bar, you shoot Paris a text that you’re safe and going home with someone and you’ll see her in the morning and ignore the pang of guilt as you let Michael lead you to his apartment. His hand finds yours as he leads you around the block, keeping you steady as you complain about the heels. His hands find your waist in the elevator and he pushes you against the wall so he can kiss you again, his lips rough against yours and you melt into the kiss, your fingers tangling in his hair to pull him closer.

A whine leaves your lips when the shaft halts and he pull away to guide you to his door. You wedge yourself between him and the door as he works with his keys to undo the two locks, your lips finding his neck and distracting him from the task. The door falls open without warning and you stumble back, the door no longer supporting your weight and he catches you with his hands on your waist, holding you against him and laughing.

You kick your heels off as you step into his apartment, his door shutting behind you and he lifts you up, wrapping your legs around his waist so he can easily sandwich you between his body and the wall. Michael grinds his hips against yours and your moan into his mouth, your hands working to push his leather jacket from his shoulders. He breaks the kiss to take off your shirt and you switch to kissing his neck before he can reattach your lips. Your legs tighten around his waist as he pulls away from the wall and carries you into his bedroom, leaning forward when he reaches his bed until your back is pressing into the plush surface.

You crawl up the bed until you hit the pillows and he follow after kicking his shoes off and pulling his shirt off over his head. You take a moment to admire him, absentmindedly biting your lip as he crawls up your body with that fucking smirk on his lips. Michael starts undoing your pants before you even ask, pulling them down your legs and pushing them off the edge of the bed as quickly as he can. He kisses his way back up your body, his hands guiding his mouth until they reach your hips and slide up your back to the band of your bra. He fingers the clasp for a moment before looking up at you, “Can I-“ You nod and mumble a please, or try to the best you can but it comes out a strangled plea that causes Michael to giggle as he undoes the clasp and finally pulls your bra away from your body. His lips find yours again for a short kiss before he’s kissing back down your body. His right hand twists your nipple slowly between his fingers while his mouth sucks on the left, biting and tugging the bud until he decides he should give the right the same treatment. You wrap your legs around his hips and bring your hands down to his belt buckle, only half your focus on the task as his mouth distracts you but you manage to get it undone and his button and zipper soon follow.

Before you can get his pants pushed down, his hands are grabbing yours and pushing them above your head. “Keep them there,” he demands, biting down on your chest to punctuate the order and you nod and grab the pillow your head is on to anchor them. Michael’s lips trail down your body until he reaches your panties and he moves to kiss your right thigh, sucking and biting at the skin all the way down your knee then repeating the process on your left. You can feel the wetness on your thighs, and you wonder if he can smell you. He smirks up at you and softly presses a kiss to your center through the panties, it’s a chaste kiss at first and then he does it again, this time an opened mouth kiss and he brushes your clit with his teeth through the fabric. You gasp his name and tighten your grip on the pillow as he loops his arms around your thighs and pulls you closer to his mouth. He teases you until you’re begging, hips grinding into his face as he sucks on your clit through the soft material and he finally gives in to the urge to really taste you.

Michael is in awe of how wet you are as he drags his finger through your folds before pushing it into your mouth. He only leaves it for a moment before he’s retracting his hand to use so he can slide your panties to the side. He licks a stripe through your folds, wiggling his tongue against your clit and then he sucks the bud into his mouth, rolling his tongue against it. He can’t get enough of the moans falling from your lips and he’s wondering how long you can last with your hands above your head and he hopes it isn’t too much longer because he really wants to feel you pulling his hair while he makes you come on his tongue.

You last until he curls two fingers inside of you and nibbles on your clit, your resolve crumbles and without thinking your hands are reaching down to pull his hair. He moans at the first tug, encouraged by the sounds you’re making and the way your thighs keep twitching by his head and clenching around his fingers and knows you’re close. He sucks harder on your clit, dipping his tongue down between his fingers before he flicks it over your clit again, moaning when you pull his hair and press him closer to you. You can’t help but grind your hips down onto his face as the knot in your stomach tightens, fingers curling and back arching as you chant his name. You rock your hips up and you feel his hand leave your thigh and a moment later it’s slapping down on your ass, the sensation pushing you over the edge as he massages the skin.

He teases your clit with his tongue and lets you rock your hips against the muscle as the pleasure takes over your body until you slump back against the bed and push him away. He laughs and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before he pushes himself back over you, softly kissing your neck and shoulders as you catch your breath beneath him. You giggle as his lips finally reach yours, your fingers trailing up his arms until they wrap around his neck and you pull him closer to deepen the kiss. You keep one arm draped over his shoulders and drag the other down his chest until you reach the waistband of his jeans, hooking your fingers into them and pushing them down his thighs the best you can.

Michael laughs at your struggle when you only get them down a few inches and pulls away from the kiss to take them off. Before he can settle back on top of you, you push him over, so he lays on his back, crawling over him to straddle his thighs. “My turn, Michael.” You lean down to kiss his neck, sucking light marks that’ll fade over the weekend before he has another class. You flick your tongue over his nipple and bite down, a shocked moan escaping his lips. The teasing continues until you reach the band of his boxers, snapping the band against his skin before pulling them down his thighs. You can’t hold back the moan when you finally see his cock, his thighs twitching when the cool air swarms his cock and he looks so pretty. You slowly rub your hands along his thighs, “Is it weird if I say your dick is pretty?” You giggle and he laughs, nose scrunching as you kiss his hip and before he can respond his breath is leaving his chest when you wrap your fingers around the base of his cock and your tongue flicks over the tip. A groan is punched out of his chest when you wrap your mouth around the tip and start jerking off the rest of him.

It’s his turn to wrap his fingers in your hair and he watches you begin to bob your head on his cock, his lower lip tucked between his teeth as you hollow your cheeks around him. You’re only sucking him off for a minute before he’s pulling your mouth off him, “Wanna fuck you,” he explains and pulls you back up his body before wrapping his arms around you and flipping you underneath him. You breathe in a gasp and watch as he pulls your panties down your legs, throwing them down onto the ground and he rolls the condom on.

Michael teasingly rubs the head of his cock along your folds a few times, tapping your clit and sending little jolts of pleasure through you. Just when you’re ready to beg him to fuck you, he pushes in slowly until he bottoms out, you whimper at the stretch and involuntarily clench around him. You’re seeing stars and he hasn’t even done anything, but you can feel him deep in you and you’re pretty sure if you tilted your hips just right you could see a soft bulge just above your mound. You shift your hips up to let him know he can move but he grips your hip in one hand and pushes you back onto the bed. A smirk blooms on his face, “Come on pet, tell me how bad you want my cock.”

You whine and pull him closer, trying to grind your hips down on him for some kind of friction but his grip on your hips is tight. “So bad Michael, just move already. Please, please, please move already baby.” You beg and he pulls his hips back, cock dragging against your walls and you moan at the feeling.

And then he pulls all the way out and rubs the head of his cock through your folds, “You can do better than that pet, let me hear you.”

You tighten your fingers in his hair and huff, “Come on, you couldn’t punish me earlier so do it now, wreck me Mr. Langdon.” The moment the words leave your lips, his hips snap into yours and he finally sinks into you again. He builds up a rough pace and neither of you can hold back the moans spilling from your lips, so he presses his lips to yours to muffle them, swallowing your moans in the kiss. Your hands move from his hair to his biceps on either side of your body, nails digging into the skin for a moment before they move to his back and scratch along the skin. Michael loves it, he can feel the red marks blooming on his skin and moans into your mouth before pulling away and pressing his lips to your neck.

He grabs one of the pillows next to your head and slows his movement enough to use one hand to push your hips up enough that you get the hint and raise your hips so he can push the plush pillow under your ass. The new position forces the breath from your lungs, and you can feel him so deep in you, hitting all the right spots. His lips are all over you, moving from your neck to your chest and back to your lips, sucking and biting everywhere they go. He can feel you getting closer, your moans getting louder and your fingers pulling his hair harder. Michael drags his fingers to your center to flick his thumb over your clit, moaning into your skin when you clench around him and arch your back into him.

You wrap your hand around his wrist and pull it towards your neck, placing his fingers around your neck and whining, “Please, Michael.” He presses his fingers into the sides of your neck, and you press yourself further into him, silently begging for more. Your fingers replace his on your clit and you’re so fucking close, you can’t even form words to let him know. You’re blabbering as he fucks himself into you roughly, his hips smacking against yours, cock dragging against all your best spots and the head rubbing your g-spot with every thrust. Within moments you’re coming around him, his hand leaves your throat as your orgasm hits you and the sudden rush of oxygen makes the pleasure so much more powerful.

Michael slows down as your orgasm washes away, your body still tingling with the aftershocks. You run your fingers through his hair and pull him closer, pressing your lips to his in a slow kiss. You know he’s close as his pace falters and pull away from the kiss to gasp, “Michael, wait. Want you come on me.” He groans into your neck, a low fuck falls from his lips at your words and a moment later he’s pulling out of you, sitting back on his knees and tugging the condom off then dropping it on the ground.

You wrap your hand around his cock before he can, a moan pulled from him as you begin jerking him off with one hand while the other remains tangled in his curls. You like seeing him like this, sitting above you with his eyes closed and lower lip between his teeth as he whimpers from your touch. He rubs his hands along your thighs as you jerk him off, his grip freezing and tightening when you twist your hand around his tip. He’s so close, his abdomen and thighs twitching as he gets closer. He looks so pretty like this and you’re pretty sure he’ll look so much better when he comes, you can’t fucking wait to see him come. “Come Michael, come on me.”

Michael groans at your words and a moment later when your free hand scratches down his chest, over his left nipple, he comes without warning. His head falls back and his fingers dig into your thighs, his come coating your mound and lower stomach as his hips jerk into you hand. You don’t let go until he pushes your hand away, his own hands shaking from the power of his orgasm and he nearly comes again when you swipe your fingers through the mess on your stomach and bring them to your lips.

He pulls your fingers from your mouth and leans down to press his lips to yours for a slow kiss before he gets off the bed, reaching down to pick up the condom before he goes to what you assume is the bathroom. Moments later he comes out with a washcloth, wiping it over your stomach before moving it between your thighs and cleaning you up. You can’t do anything but watch as he leaves the room and comes back minutes later with two bottles of water, just as you were almost ready to leave.

You had been sure his absence was a silent plea for you to leave without him asking but after he put the bottle on the nightstand next to you and pulled back the blankets after shutting off the lights, the only light in the room coming from the window. A moment later, you join him under the comforter and tug the blankets closer to you. “You should know, I’m a total blanket hog, I get cold easily.” You’re joking a little, but mostly serious as you cuddle into the blankets.

He laughs before reaching out and pulling you closer, “Good thing I’m warm then.”

[romytoscano]

wait, isn’t that HUNTER SCHAFER? no, that’s definitely ROMY TOSCANO, the SIXTEEN year old JUNIOR. rumor has it, SHE is a SCHOLARSHIP student but you’d have to ask them to know for sure. you know, i’ve heard they’re quite ALOOF & BLUNT but they can also be CREATIVE & WARMHEARTED. [ ━ bianca, 22, aest, she/her ]

woah okay i’ve taken up a second character. here’s romy! there’s some info underneath the cut to get you acquainted w/ her a lil faster!

romy’s full name is romina artemis toscano, which she picked herself with the help of her parents, i won’t bother mentioning her dead name bc it isn’t important. 

she’s trans, but i really don’t want her character to be all about that. she transitioned pretty young (like before she hit puberty) and her parents are very accepting, encouraging people who have done everything they can to accept their child and make sure the world accepts her. 

her mother is an artist and a generally underpaid one. she’s worked as a high school art teacher too for the last ten years to help them get by. her father works part time as an english teacher but was the one staying home most of the time to watch their kids. romy has an older sister and a younger brother. 

they’re where romy clearly got her creative streak from - though she’s much more of a writer than an artist. she loves books and poetry, she loves writing in any capacity, it’s almost never something stressful for her. it’s freeing. 

she’s had her work published quite a few times and she’s won several competitions for it, which is what got her into knox in the first place. she’s generally very intelligent and can keep up pretty stellar grades, which is great because her family could never have afforded to send her to knox on their own. 

she’s a very honest person sometimes to a fault, because sometimes she says things people really don’t want to hear. this comes out a lot in english whenever they do creative writing workshops for example. 

she’s kind, though and very easy to get along with if you’re not full of overbearing, uncomfortable toxic masculinity. she can be a little quiet or even come across like she wants to be alone, but it’s just a defense mechanism. 

she loves to read and can often be found in the library, perusing everything from classics to that wattpad fic turned ya novel everyone hates. gotta learn your competition, right?

she’s also on the newspaper, she’s president of the book club and a member of the poetry club so... those are things

wanted connections 

best friends: i would love a couple of best friends for her, a little squad of sorts? she’s definitely the type to have a lil group like that

friends: some acquaintances, 

tutoring clients: she probably tutors some people in english since she’s so damn good at it

budding romances/flirtationships: p l e a s e give her some people she can crush on like a cute lil dumbass

writing buddy: someone she doesn’t necessarily need to have this amazing friendship with, but they write together and that’s all they need to do. maybe they reach each other’s drafts? 

i’m open to brainstorming!

[angclhyunjin]

of light and verse | jaebum

desc: you literally end up falling for the boy who sits at the back of your uber hard lit class. college!jaebum litmajor!jaebum. all the fluff. just super fluffy

word count: 1.913

requested by: @jaebums-sunshine​ [Jaebum college au/domestic au fluff!]

note: i wrote this at lit 4am but ummm my love as a lit major was too cute to pass up

oh my god ok COLLEGE JAEBUM

setting my heart on fire at the thought of my lit nerd headcanon for him

lets get into it!

so its freshman year and ur walking into your first lit class, a bit intimidated bc its like,, a course no first year dared to touch but u just wanted a cool sounding course so bad u jumped at the opportunity

its GREEK MYTHOLOGY!! who wud not hello

and ur excited until the professor opens her mouth

and ur blown away by how,,,,,,, interesting and riveting the whole thing is but shit is it going to be this hard throughout??

the first few classes involves you frantically taking notes and trying to keep up w the impossible pace this class is going

but theres this BOY

he sits right at the end while ur in front so u could pass him off as uninterested,,, taking the course for extra creds??? wrong

this BOY quips in between the lecture with the most fascinating comments, connecting the odyssey to so many modern works, to poetry and to music

and ur like,,, who made u,,,, how r u like this

ur kind of annoyed by how smart this boy is

its not like you dont get wtf is happening here, but how can he get it and SO MUCH MORE

and tbh ur kind of jealous but u didnt hear that from me. also he has the softest voice that creeps up behind u and makes ur body stir

wait what

so u work super hard

and like super hard, u finish all ur readings and do ur own research

but u still feel like its not enough

like idk who u think u are, u start living at the library

cup of tea in hand and a book in the other, it sounds optimal but the stress is lowkey making you lose ur mind

ur looking for a book in the aisles, a VERY specific one on sappho’s fragmented poems

and FINALLY u see it............on the top most shelf

ur 5′4″ self is SCREAMING

and u could ask for help but help is for losers

so u make the very intelligent decision to climb the shelves what?? no ones looking

ur almost there when

a hand

reaches at the same time as urs

u almost scream for real this time, shutting ur eyes real tight, letting go of ur meager hold on the shelf and falling back

like u have accepted ur death at this point

until???? wait??? you feel two hands around you and suddenly you’re not falling

“my god, are you okay??” how tf do i know this voice

you open your eyes to be met with the softest brown eyes, framed by these wire glasses

oh

its him

of c o u r s e

u literally dont know what to say until he laughs a little at you (an adorable, light noise that fills you up)

“this is probably not one of your greatest moments” ur cheeks are on FIRE

suddenly he notices his arms are still around u and he hastily places u on ur useless jelly feet

“were you going for the book on sappho? i didn’t know anyone else here knew it existed”

you’re about to stammer out a reply, not really ready to explain to the lit prodigy that ur trying to be at least half as insightful as him but he

squints at u

“wait, aren’t you in my lit class?? you are, aren’t you?”

he REMEMBERS ur invisible ass??? ok??? what doesnt this boy notice?????

u finally find your tongue, stammering out a “y-yeah, i was planning out my paper and needed a second reference”

wow is he lowkey impressed he stares at u for a bit

ur now hyperaware of ur messy bun and glasses, the old t shirt you’d tucked into mom jeans feeling so inadequate in front of him in his stylishly messed up hair n button up,,, how could someone be this pretty at 4pm on a sunday

“honestly, me too. but its okay, you can have this” 

he barely needs to reach up to get this book and ur like, looking at his shoulders as he faces away from u for a split second and man is he built

“are you sure???” you let out in an almost whisper “don’t you need this?”

“nah its okay i read it over the summer already” o yes of course

“i’m jaebum by the way” he smiles at you and ur stomach JUMPs

“i’m y/n” you try, and then blurt out “and also really sorry for this i’m like,, dumb as hell-”

“its no issue, y/n” his voice is HONEY as it says your name and you can feel urself turning redder

“i’ll see you in class then” hes gone as quickly as he arrived and ur still in shock because what the fuck

did that really happen or did u doze off after a caffeine crash again???

so the next day in class u walk in, heading towards your seat when  ur eye catches jaebum’s

and he gives u the BIGGEST SMILE

WHAT AN ANGEL

ur blushing furiously and manage a quick smile back

and thru/o ur so distracted bc u swear u feel his eyes on the back of ur neck but ur also too scared to look bc WOW WHY IS THIS BEAUTIFUL BOY STARING AT ME

so at the end of the class ur throwing all ur books into ur mess of a backpack when u hear a voice 

“so did you end up finishing the book”

its god jaebum, beanie hiding his tousled hair and trademark glasses on his nose

“no i still have some stuff to cover but its fine!! you can have it u want-”

“no, no i was going to suggest we do the paper together?”

is this ,,,, really happening

“i mean, sure” WHY ARE U AGREEING WHY DO U WANT TO DIE

“okay great! i’ll meet you in the library at 4?”

“okay see you then!!” u squeak out and dash

wtf was that

this man did not need ur help, he is a lit GOD

but ur there at 4, a little thankful for the heads up bc u managed to put some semblance of makeup on urself

and he walks in and ur heart is on fire again bc hes so pretty and he’s also so excited to do lit, lit makes this boy

u slowly ease into conversations w him, sappho being taken over by more personal deets

ok first of all, this boy has 5 cats

5

he shows u pictures of all of them, names and all, like a mom showing off her children

ur heart is so so full of this endearing boy

you keep meeting thru the rest of the week

on tuesday, he asks you ur favorite color

on wednesday, he convinces u to tell him ur favorite memory

on thursday, you tell him how vanilla ice cream is everything to you but u cant stand strawberry

on friday, he asks u for ur number

on saturday, he randomly texts you 6 pictures of his cat sitting on two legs

on saturday, you realize u have fallen for the boy at the back of ur lit class

u dont know what to do

this boy is so so dumb at heart but can also recite all of shakespeare’s sonnets by heart

like hes the cutest idiot u have ever seen

and ur falling super hard for him

ur friendship goes strong for a while

gradually u blush less frequently and get comfortable w him, going over to his place at times

the first time u go (for lit probably) he opens the door and ur greeted w the smell of disaster

like really it smells super bad

and hes frantic and panicky bc “i didn’t know how hard cooking was the tomato sauce is all burnt what did i do”

poor perfect boi is bad at cooking???

even surrounded w smoke and in a dirty apron he looks ADORABLE

and ur laughing and taking the saucepan off the stove for him, throwing his failure out and suggesting u just get some chinese

and he agrees w a sigh and ur like ur so dumb

and no ur definitely not trying to think abt how he wanted to cook for u

when u call him over u make spaghetti

red sauce

“wow so ur really out here triggering me like this”

“is it my fault ur an idiot sandwich”

“w o w”

he probably pouted and u probably made fun of it tho ur heart was crying 

so it goes on like this for a while

and ur always wondering ‘does this boy even like me like that’ bc he out here giving u so many signals but never making the move

like ur ass is never sure if he’s into u or just being nice

bc lets face it - im jaebum is the definition of nice

and its honestly getting kind of annoying

like pls tell me if u like me my heart cant take it much longer

u guys are at his, doing ur readings

you glance to the side and see jaebum reading intently, eyes flying over the words, relaxed and so sweet, a ray of light from the window falling on him and making his eyes radiate a dark brown

you dont even notice how long you’ve been staring until u hear his voice

“hello what r u doing”

fuck

“nothing! just,,,, you looked really pretty with the light falling on ur face. no i mean, look!! like, you’re pretty”

OK

WHAT

did u JUST 

SAY THAT

"not that that means you’re not pretty at other times!! i mean,,, you’re pretty all the time and its honestly really crazy” WHY ARE U STILL TALKING

hes just.... staring at u in wonder

and ur lik e wow this is it, this is when the ground acc swallows me up and i die

when his face breaks into this beautiful smile

“you think i’m pretty?”

his voice is so soft and pure

u r, on the other hand, about to collapse from embarrassment

and just nod and its like the day in the library all over

and he’s still smiling when he says “y/n, i think you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen”

your stomach SWOOPS

IS THIS REAL LIFE

“i’ve wanted to say that for the longest time” he breathes and you notice just how close he is

“thats just,, i mean wow i didn’t know...” u manage to say

he leans in a little closer and his hands r burning a hole resting on ur thighs

the light is very brilliant as his head dips lower, breath on ur lips until he fills the gap between you

and im jaebum is kissing you

you barely remember to respond, but when you do, he leaves light kisses on ur lower lip, hand coming up to cup ur cheek 

ur entire body is on fire as he draws you closer, your hands going into his hair and feeling for the first time how soft it was 

wow u had really dreamed about this huh

he draws back a little bit, face incredibly close to yours and asks u “is this okay?”

,,,,,,,boi

“more than okay, this is perfect” you press him closer and all else is forgotten

send in requests!

[linkspooky]

with all the backlash mutsuki got after rue island bc of his trauma and obsession i wonder if there will be a similar reaction to hairu once she gets back. Being revived must be one hell of a trauma and learning arima's fate should be enough to make her go in a rampage against kaneki (though hairu once a more popular character so maybe she will be seen in the same way seidou was)

I’m almost positive that the fan reception to Hairu will be totally different than Mutsuki. 

I could use Furuta as an example but Furuta seems more of a fifty fifty character with people so let’s go with Ui instead. 

Ui demonstrates the same kind of “I can’t stop, this is the only thing that will make me happy” obsessive behavior, and possessiveness over an individual who did not feel the same way about them.

I cannot stress this enough, as sympathetic as Ui’s willingness to plunge himself into total darkness for the small chance of seeing the person he loves again might be: 

Hairu did not love him back. 

This is important because Ui is obviously reviving Hairu with the expectation that Hairu in some way might satiate his loneliness. He’s using her, pretty much the same way that Mutsuki intends to use Sasaki. 

Both of them are just using the other as someone to fight for, someone to give them a sense of purpose and security, and also the imagined idea that they were loved. They both want to impossibly return themselves to their own rose filtered idea of the past .

Ui wants to go back to the old CCG where they were heroes of justice and did not suffer such horrible losses in oeprations, Mutsuki wants to go back to the old Quinx squad when they were a closely knit family not dealing with any loss. 

Mutsuki lost two people though, Shirazu and Sasaki, while Ui lost for, Hairu, Take, Arima, and Sasaki. However, the two of them only choose to obsess over one single lost person and deluding themselves into having much greater feelings for the other than they originally did, because this makes the loss easier for them to deal with in a way. 

“Everything would be okay if Sasaki came back.” “Everything would be okay if Hairu came back.”

Accepting that kind of simplified reality is a lie they tell themselves to make dealing with the current harsh reality easier, by almost avoiding it entirely. 

Honestly, to me Ui’s actions read as even more possessive. Mutsuki seems to just want to murder Sasaki, then maybe talk to the corpse?? 114 was weird let’s not get into that. 

Ui is not only disturbing Hairu’s peaceful death, but he’s giving the okay for a man like Kanou to experiment on her (look what he did to Seidou), and he’s injecting her with a ghoul’s kagune making her into a half ghoul Oggai. Which means Hairu will effectively become internally in her own body something she has been trained to hate her entire life as a garden child. Considering the instability of the Oggai surgery, Hairu might be forced to eat human meat too. 

It’s on a level worse than just stabbing her a whole bunch of times. It’s bringing her back from the dead without permission, and then changing her biological makeup into something of that she hates.

In fact it reminds me a lot of what Frankenstein’s monster wanted in Frankenstein, and begged Viktor to creat for him. Another female monster in order to soothe his own loneliness. That the monster after monologueing for so long about how wretched his existence is, could be so self absorbed as to not realize how horrible it would be to bring another monster into existence to deal with the same horrible existential questions he has to deal with… for the sole purpose of being created to love him with the implication that the being does not have a choice in the matter because the reason she was made was just to love him.

Anyway, all of that negativity and his sudden turn away from the hero of justice he once was is read as a natural fall for Ui’s character. However, for Mutsuki it’s always read as a sudden swerve and “Ishida not knowing what he’s doing anymore” with his writing. 

Which is just weird to me. Yes, there is a lot of uncomfortable implications of Mutsuki’s character, and it’s not at all progressive. If you hate Mutsuki’s character writing on those grounds you have every right to. 

It’s just I personally never read it as coming out of nowhere? It makes sense as a logical progression? 

I think part of the bias stems from (1) a fandom bias that has an inability to see Kaneki’s own actions in the wrong light and (2) a misunderstanding of Mutsuki’s original arc. 

People argue that Mutsuki’s violence comes from nowhere, but to me from the start Mutsuki was always the Q who cared the least about ghouls. I always saw Mutsuki’s growing confidence also growing in his ability to kill ghouls as a negative development. 

Entirely because of the second half of that sentence, Mutsuki was not really dealing with their internal issues, he was just simply learning how to fight better. Any confidence he gained at the behest of killing ghouls, was never going to be true confidence. I read that from the start of the manga, Mutsuki felt almost nothing about killing ghouls. He was compared to Suzuya of all people, and of the four he was the most fearful and nervous around the monstrous quality of ghouls. 

It goes along with the kind of illusion that the audience is told at the beginning of :Re. That things are much simpler, the only ghouls we really see in action are the Aogiri ghouls, or obscenely wealthy ones like the Tsukiyamas who attend auctions. We see none of the innocent ghouls who get dragged along like in the Rabbit case. Peaceful organizations like :Re are completely out of focus. The CCG are heroes of justice protecting their comrades and fighting ghouls, and ghouls are almost always terrible weird murderers, (Torso, Nutcracker, etc.). The cracks in this narrative did not really start showing up until the end of the Rose arc, when the CCG continued to pursue the Tsukiyamas because their message of total extermination meant they could not even let one single ghoul escape even when the rest of the family surrendered to them. 

If you add in the details of Mutsuki’s backstory, his turn to violence makes sense. Imagine you are in a horribly abusive household, every day is a walking nightmare and finally you have to act and kill your own parents to save yourself. However, you feel so guilty about this action of self defense you took, because violence on its own disgusts you. 

Instead of having this violent side of you treated through proper child psychology though, it’s the only thing that is encouraged by the people who take you in. You’re encouraged to be violent and to point that violence towards ghouls. 

Then finally, after years of your own parents abusing you, and other caretakers being cold or not caring at all, you get a nice loving dad. He is the best dad in the world, he cooks for you, he buys you poetry books, he is always patient, always encouraging. When you were at your most weak, he appeared from nowhere to save you, then gave you his jacket so you would be warm. 

Then one day your brother dies, you turn to your father to give you comfort but while you’re still dealing with that sadness your father just completely cuts you off without a word. The best dad in the world, and suddenly he’s as cold to you as everybody else in the CCG was. You are kidnapped and tortured, and he seems to barely care about you. You spend all of your time waiting for him to come save you like he once did and he never shows up. 

Then when you finally get home, after having to be violent again (the thing you most hate about yourself), you come home to the news that your father who you were still secretly hoping would return all this time, joined sides with the guys who kidnapped you. 

From Mutsuki’s perspective alone, it makes sense to have a great deal of anger and resentment towards Kaneki. 

I understand people not liking Mutsuki because he is a bad victim of these circumstances, but I at least can see the extremes where he came from and what fueled that reaction?

Once again it also comes from people not really able to see fault in Kaneki. I’m not sure how Kaneki waking up from Yamori’s torture, and the first thing he does immediately is break all of Touka’s brother’s bones right in front of her as a sign of his affection for her. And that somehow reads better than what Mutsuki is attempting right now. The parallels between Kaneki’s violent phase of lashing out and Mutsuki’s violent phase of lashing out are strong. Yes, Mutsuki is implied to be killing a whole lot right now but is that somehow any different than Kaneki’s first action after his introduction being to murder an entire room of 100 people he had just deemed bad without any due process? 

There’s also the fact that Kaneki’s refusal to explain himself after effectively abandoning Mutsuki, when he was the one to take the onus to put Mutsuki’s well being and emotional responsibility on himself is extremely neglectful behavior. It’s not like Mutsuki’s attachment to Kaneki came out of nowhere, this was something Kaneki wanted and fostered, until suddenly he did not with no explanation. Which is why I like to frame Sasaki as Mutsuki’s father in this situation, imagine somebody adopting a child and then a year later after dedicating themselves to nurturing and growing the bond of trust between the two of them leaving them on the side of the road with no warning or explanation. 

Anyway, to me Mutsuki’s character progression makes sense. I can understand totally if other people find it distasteful or even offensive, especially since Mutsuki is not a cis female like Hairu, a cis male like Kaneki, or a cis male like Ui. Writing does not exist in a bubble and there are already different sets of expectations the readers will have going into those characters. 

This is the most I’m ever going to comment on Mutsuki’s character, which is to say I try to make it a personal rule in this blog to only work with the text and sources closely linked to the text. 

Anyway, so as I said, both Ui, Mutsuki and even Furuta have reacted to the lack of love in their lives with obsessive feelings. As @kingkishou said in their own recent ask response about Hairu [x].

Hairu’s crush on Arima may be a cute character trait now, but one sided obsessive feelings have never been framed well in Tokyo Ghoul. Especially incestuous ones, as Arima is either her cousin or her half brother. 

These feelings always turn into feelings of destruction. It happened with Kanae, it happened with Furuta, it happened with Ui, it happened with Mutsuki. I doubt Hairu will be the first one to break the pattern.

Especially since Ui seems intent on only reviving Hairu, rather than both Hairu and Arima. I can hardly see Hairu agreeing with that once she is revived and conscious. 

There’s also a heavily unexplored aspect of Hairu’s character, which is to say her repressed violent side. We only see parts of it during the Tsukiyama Raid, but a revival will probably be the perfect time to explore it. 

There’s also Nico’s prophecy to consider, when talking about the nature of obsessive people.

People either live beautifully, or live for beautiful people. For those who can do neither, they go insane and die. 

There has to be a consequence for Ui violating the laws of nature like this to bring about Hairu’s return, and I can see if Hairu comes back sentient, this side of her desperate for Arima’s praise and willing to kill anything in her path to gain it being that consequence. 

Obsessive love, even in those starved for affection like Furuta and Hairu, and the other garden children has never been portrayed as a good thing in Tokyo Ghoul. The setup in Hairu’s character for it is already there. 

Especially with all of Ui and Urie’s parallels as of late. Just as Urie needs to grow up in order to confront Mutsuki and actually be able to conflict with him as a person instead of loving him from afar I can imagine a similiar arc for Ui eventually. 

[disarmingly]

fanfic asks i’m going to post answers in numerical order as i got some numbers asked twice which is cool but i definitely am the idiot who will lose track if i don’t do it in number order! also i’ll throw it under a read-more bc i tend to get rambly and so it all gets quite long! like seriously i apologize i wanted to give it my all but like i may have written too much >_<;;;

i'm gonna preface with: i was confused by these first two because i thought is this the same question but then figured maybe 3 was ff and 4 is not ff? T_T;;;;

3 [ name three favorite writers ]

the truth is i admire a lot of people and not all of them actually post their work unfortunately. however, xiajin ( @j-ungah)  is one who does, for which i am very grateful. it's easier though for me to say the THINGS i like best i.e. i really admire people who do humor in…how do i say it? ah well it's best for me when it's fluid within other feelings -- like the lightheartedness makes the punches and ups and downs of other aspects of their stories just shine? i am fairly unskilled with lightness/humor and i am repeatedly and eternally in awe of people who weave that facet of the heart into their narratives so believably. ^^;; i also admire what i think of as a seven-sense experience -- which is to say something about a writer whose descriptions dialogues and everything in-between??? create a thing i feel hear smell taste see, yes, but also a thing i dream, i thing i wake up to or from….that kind of suspension of my reality. ^^;;; which just smacks of escapism i know hahakjsfsdlfds OTL but it is what i like! some other part of why i don't have a lot of names rn is that when i'm focusing on writing i don't read as much fic? and on the flipside when i'm not trying to write then i read like everything under the sun thrice over ^^;;; but i've been in writing/trying to write-mode since i posted This Time Around so…yeah!  

4 [ name three authors that were influential to your work and tell why ]

this is really hard! but i left out one writer on my past book rec list so i'll mention him here. john steinbeck! i know that most people/schools/etc tout him for grapes of wrath T_T;;; but like….i tried really hard to like it for a friend who is basically married to that book and i just…couldn't? i tried with of mice and men too but that book is like being beaten up by the written word and no one to patch you up afterward. but. BUT! let. me. tell. you.

east of eden

this book is falling apart like i've read it until it's shreds and i don't wanna give up the copy i have because like…i have so many notes in it? i have dates written down and things i don't remember ever writing or what they reference but getting a new one would be like…idk i can't do it yet. i'll have to soon just bc i carry it around everywhere and i need it but..this book, warrants steinbeck being mentioned in and of itself. if you haven't read it, i cannot rec it enough. like i am not honestly a huge fan of anything outside of fantasy or science fiction but this is my exception. no amount of applauding is going to do it justice. but suffice to say he's got this wickedly good balance of ideas, execution, emotion, and rationale and i just feel so much it is a book that HURTS and yet i kind of…what's it like? it's like if it took me years and years to climb a tree just to see what i can see from the top, then learning to climb back down. sitting under that tree. feeling…like a conversation happened?

T_T i ramble but yeah. john steinbeck's east of eden.

other than that: diana wynne jones, CLAMP (cries forever), cs lewis  

6 [ how did writing change you? ]

before i wrote i drew and i painted, which i find hilarious now because lolololol what IS visual art, it’s hard work and talent hybridized with quality hearts (me: /stares at all my fave fanartists for real) kdsfdsfdlsfjlds but yeah uh writing happened because i loved reading. i thought: these things make me feel less displaced in the universe, if only a little. ah well, more to the point, writing in and of itself changes me in every day life almost to a fault: i think a LOT about what i say, even when i’m perceivably rambling. i over-think it too. writing in every-day life makes even the most awkward cat potato (me) better able to hold a normal conversation, which come to that isn’t the MOST important thing, but it is a thing that changed because before writing i basically stood still and tried to hide in my own shadow (unsuccessfully btw.) now i stand very still, hope no one talks to me, but am able to at least talk back if they do ^^;; 

if this question means how did ff writing change me otherwise...is it stupid to say on several times, writing ff has saved me? is it melodramatic? probably. i think it does though. i’ve said several times i don’t do wonderfully in-person (ability to converse even so) and it’s painfully true. i don’t know that i believe i ever will. i’m in plainest terms, too afraid. ff writing has given me opportunity to connect with people despite my shortcomings in this way though. sometimes someone says they related to a certain thing or they feel content or a familiar sadness but not in a bad way and that is So Much to me. like can you imagine being in complete darkness and seeing a small light in the sky or the ground or the sea suddenly? that’s what those are.

so writing is helping me change, i hope, from someone who has had the growing fear of being lost forever, to being a little less lost, a little less unworthy. to be fair, writing in and of itself for me is often a lost feeling but those sparks of Found are irreplaceable and whether they happen when i write or when someone responds to the writing, i carry them with me to the best of my ability. because they’re precious. because i need them. and i’m grateful. 

writing separate from ff is something i also hope will change me, but i have yet to figure out a way to share that and for now i have a lot of stories on my Intentions to try to actualize, so my side poetry is a sidecar project and that’s okay.

11 [ do you listen to music when writing? ]

yes! in fact i tend to make playlists for my stories when i’m done usually consisting of what i listened to….even if that's a silly thing to do ^^;; i think about sharing them sometimes haha but it’d be linking a bunch of youtube links so idk if that’s dumb sdlkedfsoijlefdjoslk sometimes it’s bangtan and often it’s movie scores i.e. ghibli stuff ....oh and video game osts too!!! a hodgepodge! 

12 [ favorite place to write ]

home because i need as much control over my environment as possible. i honestly don't understand how people can get any writing done outside in the city because it's like one massive attention-deficit lmfdlsfdsfkdsjl but kudos to the people who can…!

13 [ hardest character to write ]

LMFSLKFUOIJWFLSK gosh um…i think for me the way i would phrase this is that the character i am most nervous writing???  yoongi. he features predominantly in my writing because i find his transparency about his journey(s) relatable and something to always be grateful for. unfortunately being relatable presents the ever present pitfall possibility of projecting onto someone, which i don't want to do. even when writing him as a character, i still want him to resonate true to the real deal in as much as possible in the world created or the canon suggested. i want to do right by him, very badly, and for better or worse that means i can almost never enjoy writing him because i'm so worried the whole time. the moment of peace is when i either post or delete, but both leave an uneasy feeling if i'm honest, and perhaps that's always going to be true -- with my favorite people and my favorite ideas i guess.

14 [ easiest character to write ]

like 13 i'm cheating and changing this to the character i'm least anxious writing and that would be namjoon. i love him a lot but for whatever weird reason i'm not having heart palpitations every time i have to write a line of dialogue for him. is it because i've watched and read everything of him the most? not really. i think i've re-visited more kookie things out of all of the ot7, but namjoon has a vibe i get, a wavelength i'm on almost all the time and i can't quite explain it since it's not like i'm talking about a person i personally Know. but what i mean is, i feel like i do? he makes me feel comfortable with him at the colloquial level both verbally and emotionally so i don't overthink him as much as i do say yoongi, jungkook, and hoseok -- all beloved but also sharp points of vulnerability for me.  

17 [ favorite AU to write ]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh….well. the way it's phrased it feels like it means ongoing AU??? which would be time and again drabbles supplementary to This Time Around (the initial oneshot).... (even tho from hereon out everything else will transpire BEFORE the current chapter up lololololol way to be confusing right) but if it just means like what universe, period, huh gosh. all your stars are my stars too au probably.

20 [ favorite character to write ]

i CAN'T pick

21 [ least favorite character to write ]

i don't have one unless you count 'difficult' as leas favorite but that's really not true for me s-so...

22 [ favorite story you’ve ever written ]

?_? ahhh the story closest to my heart?    tie between all your stars are my stars too verse, and this time around verse. haha i keep picking those two but honestly despite being two very different worlds the pulse is actually the same.

23 [ least favorite story you’ve ever written ]

so far away

still disappointed in myself because to this day i don't know what i can do to make it better i just know it could be and it's so specific i just don't look at it anymore. it is by far the one i've revised the most and i'm sure that's weird haha...but it means so much to me...if it was a friend in my past, this story would be the friend i should have done more for, didn’t, couldn’t, and will regret until i can either come up with an answer or just have to square with said regret and say we don’t always get it the way we want it. hm. i admit when i posted it i hoped i’d be less disappointed with myself over time, but apparently not so.

24 [ favorite scene you’ve ever written ]

T_T no idea … do you have one, anon? /waves white flag/ i guess i'm just cheating through all these asks OTL forgive me but i guess a favorite would be any scene that a reader feels connected with them/resonated personally or moved their feelings into a place or shape they didn't expect but are okay having? 

25 [ favorite line you’ve ever written ]

sjflkfesdipokleds /covers face/ im really sorry i just don't…have one…ah...i can’t look too closely...but i always appreciate when readers have favorite lines and copy paste them to me any given time like it’s so nice? ;_; it’s so nice ahhh

26 [ story you’re most proud of ]

since i kinda hard passed the last two with this one huh like i guess if i can qualify this as 'story i consider deleting the least often' that would actually probably be my ONE vmin  fic i wrote so far -- sidereal -- lmfdlskfdsfjdsl sidereal -- and it's not that i think it's especially good but more so that i know/ don't question what i'd change about it because it came together start-to-finish very naturally…and that's funny since i had never written them before.

27 [ best review you ever got ]

listen. every review is the best review T_T seriously every review, every bookmark's notes, every ask….(well as long as it's not mean!) ah is a use of someone else's time they did not have to give me but they did and that? that's huge. fanfic is interesting bc it's a thing done for pleasure but unlike say, fanart, there is no readily apparent way to make it marketable? so i think of those words left as review or ask or whatever… as a manner of wealth, if it makes sense, a currency of kindness motivation/encouragement and hope -- that even if i dislike my writing/ find majority fault within it at the end of the day….. there are people out there who don't dislike it too, which is amazing and a relief.

28 [ worst review you ever got ]

hmmm well tech it wasn't a review but like i have gotten a LOT of asks regarding ... .- ...- . -- . + stardrop that range from disappointment that i wrote/published stardrop at all [i knew it would garner some of this but i have haha had more than i thought] to just flat-out regret for having read any of them in the first place. now, as someone who doesn't see any time in the near future where i'll like my own writing, having someone use the words 'regret reading' are….it's upsetting. i feel silly for how much it gets to me but i'm a weak spiral of a person in many ways, so asks like that send me running to hover over the delete button all the time, not just on that story but every story. but i know LOGICALLY it's just an extreme reaction of mine so i don't follow through but yeah my fight or flight response is very much flight lolololol OTL

as for not that uh probably the smattering of asks that came through when i posted 'follow' …one of which asked why i portrayed jungkook so stalkery (as far as i'm concerned, i didn't. he admires namjoon same as some of us admire our own internet idols or whoever)

32 ... .- ...- . -- .   [ alternate title for (insert story title) ]

IN fact i almost called it 'equilibrium' but while relevant that seemed too vague...

33 ... .- ...- . -- .   [ alternate ending for (insert story title) ]

jungkook wakes up. jungkook wakes up and he's raining, brings his hands to his eyes and can't stop, can't speak, can't anything but rain. jungkook wakes up, curls on his side, and cries cries cries until he falls back asleep.

a moment later, the door to his room slides open. two pairs of eyes worry after him into the dark where they recognize three things: 1. jungkook may never forgive himself; 2. there is nothing either of them can do about it; 3. when the captain named namjoon and the mechanic named yoongi forced jungkook into an escape pod at just the last second, their intention was to save him but the result is not so simple.

with unpredictable caution, taehyung enters the room, jimin's hand at his back, doesn't bother to speak quietly, well-acquainted at this point with how deeply jungkook dreams, how desperately. biting the inside of his cheek, taehyung shakes his head. "what are we gonna do?" after a moment, he glances to his right as jimin brushes past him to draw jungkook's blankets up more securely around him, combs soft fingers through his sweat matted hair and says,

"the best we can."

38 [ do you reread your own stories? ]

other than to proofread? no! i'm still very immature as a writer so the reality is if i go back to read something i have a 99% likely will delete because i see all the flaws and things i want to do better but don't yet have the skill to achieve??? but i know i can't or shouldn't literally wipe everything away Just Because, so…@_@;;;

40 [ which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series ]

time and again drabbles or this time around

46 [ share a scene of a story that you haven’t published yet ]

*

the night of taehyung's sorting, jimin jumps out of his place at the table to go meet him but a hand circles around his wrist, holds him there. when he looks down, he finds taemin, all calculated cat expressiveness that reminds jimin of yoongi except taemin has a contradictory warmth about him. yoongi is cool to the look the touch and everything until you get inside him; then he's warmer, jimin would dare say, than he himself is, but so few people know it it's hardly worth mentioning. he blinks. frowns.

"i'm going to say hi."

"no."

jimin pulls. taemin sighs.

"do you think for a second they won't use him against you."

it's not a question and for good reason. jimin sits down again, quiet. hollow, learns at age twelve about thinking ahead and expecting the worst.

if only to protect the very best.

truth be known, he doesn't mind being a slytherin. it's easy to just say no one is trustworthy than to say everyone is. but the history of his family creates a whole additional spectrum of uncertainty. 'park' is so common a name one would think it wouldn't be so obvious except jimin's family has been in and out of the wizarding world papers for quite some time. try as they might to undo a history that predates them by decades, it's hard -- no, impossible. slytherin is one thing. heir is another. wealth. jimin is twelve but the world is much older and his so-called peers fall somewhere in-between.

anyway.

what he wants: to say hello to his dearest friend.

what he doesn't want: to bring said friend trouble, no more than he already has.

jimin looks over at taehyung, watches as hoseok helps him with his baskets and...swallows.

it hurts.

*

around the middle of the second month taehyung goes missing.

it's yoongi that lets jimin know, which makes jimin feel guilty all over: i should have already known.

"did they say when they last saw him?" he asks, rushing around more than he knows yoongi prefers but yoongi is loyal and yoongi is yoongi; he rushes with him, this way and that.

"hobi says yesterday, supper."

biting his lip until it bleeds, jimin experiences what a person always experiences when he knows this might be all his fault: wrenching self disgust, fear, anxiety that crawls around in the chest and twists around the heart like a curse. but feeling bad won't do anything; feeling bad won't find his best friend (who might not want to be your best friend anymore, his heart whispers and it's cold, it's distant, it's terrifying.) yoongi's hand in the sleeve of his robe jerks jimin to a stop so fast he almost trips, except yoongi holds him up while muttering a spell under his breath, the tip of his wand a sharp tap against jimin's strawberry pin (a thing he wears every day in the knot of his tie.) it lights up briefly, blue.

"if i find him before you, that'll happen."

then yoongi is gone in another direction. it makes sense. the school is offensively massive and jimin has never detested it more in his life.

*

growing up, jimin lived by the sea and taehyung came to visit him every other summer. they collected seashells and named all the fish they happened to find and made castles they planned to live in one day when they were older.

"this one's your room."

holding up a piece of sea glass shining aquamarine, jimin held it over the sun, turned back to face him and said, "then it's yours too."

*

the room of requirement is for any given thing. for taehyung he needs a place to be found and for jimin, he needs to stop losing.

it takes him two days to find the boy whose sleeping patterns he knows by heart, the boy whose dreams felt often like his own dreams when they were much smaller; it takes him two days and seven hours and forty-one minutes. but he finds him.

when he opens the door, it's some god sized gift to have taehyung meet his eyes.

it's a human sized gift to receive a careful smile.

and it's everything else to crush him in his arms and breathe him in and keep him there, everything to say,

"i'm sorry."

"me too." a pause. "those strawberries were for you," and the way taehyung says it isn't a guilt-trip. it's just him being genuinely regretful he couldn't give them to jimin the way he wanted to but this makes it that much sharper.

jimin bursts into tears.

*

that summer they go to taehyung's home and jimin eats every strawberry taehyung offers him, which means he gets fairly sick, but he disguises it as something else as best he can and almost doesn't feel so sick at all anyway when taehyung, wide-brimmed straw hat a halo on his head, laughs a sunrise sound and sings a sunset song. it's very windy during their visit, so jimin lays a charm on taehyung's hat to keep it from flying away.

*

49 [ writing advice ]

1. don’t give up. -- which for me and i guess a lot of people whether it’s art or just life, is truly the hardest. but i am constantly attempting to apply to writing what i try to apply to my livelihood: this idea that the most contemptible thing to do is to surrender. i was thinking about lord of the rings the other day and trying to figure out who i hated the most 8D;;; because my train was stuck and i was viciously trying to not freak out....anyway i kept thinking of denethor...and he’s not you know out and out a villain but he’s just so vile to faramir and on top of that he has clearly given up. he’s got this twisted saccharine doom about him that is somewhat because he’s lost his mind but he lost himself first. 

i know this is a really dramatic mental deviation but it’s what i think about ^^;;; the temptation to give up is constant, it’s not a thing that goes away -- which is why i wrote ‘begin’ to address this idea that sometimes the hardest thing is to start, and then to continue in the face of a trouble that has no permanent cure. the moment you give up you lose you, and of course you lose your art. what’s that cliche??? you can’t get something for nothing. i hope that doesn’t come across condescending or bad. i just know for me i have to yell at myself all the time about it, so that’s why it’s first on the list OTL don’t give up, or in the words of bangtan: no no no not today! ^^

2. i used to believe you couldn’t force writing but i think what the more accurate way for me now is to think: i can’t force Right Writing, like it isn’t necessarily good as i throw it down initially and sometimes that’s as good as it’s going to be until i reach a point in that piece that helps me rebuild/recreate/reword the first parts that i KNEW at the time weren’t very good but couldn’t do more with...like perspective within your own narrative i guess, which can’t be gotten without pushing ahead. 

so for example, i disliked everything i had with call and answer from the beginning to the end but the only way i got it all done was to write something every day a paragraph or two maybe, just to get draft one done. then i could look at it the next day to proof-read, put one part before another part, etc, etc, the things that went into making it something i could bear to post. ah so basically if it comes a little naturally that’s awesome but i know for me the most frustrating thing is not being able to control when that happens or why, and since i still want to write, this was my ‘solution’ so to speak -- write it, don’t delete it, look at it in an hour or the next day but move forward even if you’re not 1000% sure with it. like i know this doesn’t work for everyone but it is what has at the moment, kept me afloat. it’s not fun but for whatever reason, it is a method i have employed time to time. 3. write what YOU want to, not what anyone else wants you to (unless it’s like a request you’re fulfilling which case that’s up to you of course!) but in general like....i think there’s a misconception that to write big you have to write for everyone but you can connect to a lot of people by telling a very specific story -- they may not dive into every part, but if there is even one aspect of a story i feel recognized by (a moment, a turn of phrase, the resolution, the problem, whatever) then that’s often enough for me. it’s like with people, we don’t get every part of each other -- even the best of friends, or lovers or whatnot -- but the parts we do get mean so much. same for me with stories.

4. give better advice than me lmfdslkf omg 

feel free to send other numbers or if i missed one let me know........omg but you probably wouldn’t want to after this huh? lmdsfijfoklfeds ^^;;; wow if you read all that uh....thank you but also i’m sorry ;; lmfdsojklefds T//////T!!!!! <3 ;3;

[mys-meimagines]

Hey! I was wondering if you could write Rfa + V + Saeran reacting to a very quiet and shy MC, like they actually have to check she's still alive bc they can't hear her or they have to make sure she's not mad at them bc she stopped talking to them thanks xx

Hey anon! That’s my first request omg i hope i don’t screw up too badly

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Yoosung

though he’s quite a talker, he’s also a little shy so he understands

sometimes, however, he just forgets MC is that quiet

they’re both in the kitchen and MC is making dinner

no one is talking

and then it happens

“MC what did I do?

“MC why are you mad at me?”

“MC please answer”

poor boy is already trying to find a way to make her forgive him

bUT WHAT IF SHE WANTS TO BREAK UP WITH HIM

OMG POOR THING

“Yoosung I’m not mad at you”

“Yes you are. Is it because of LOLOL?”

and then MC laughs because he’s such a cute little dork

“I’m not mad at you, love”

“Okay, but if you were… you’d tell me, right?”

Zen

okay well

Zen’s job requires him to be as talkative and sociable as possible

and MC is the exact opposite of that

so this one night they’re at a party

there’s a lot of people, everyone seems to be enjoying it

Zen is talking with some coworkers showing off a little

but MC is nowhere to be found

and then he sees her, near the buffet, all alone

“MC are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine”

“Are you enjoying the party?”

“Not really”

wow so straightforward

“Do you wanna leave?”

“Yes please, I’m really unconfortable”

and so they go home

and he really wants to make it up to her for making her feel unconfortable

it’s not your fault Zen

but you can guess what happens next 

Jumin

just like Zen, his job requires him to be as sociable as possible

and of course MC is not

so whenever they go somewhere for his job, like a party or a dinner or anything else

MC literally spends all the time by his side

stuck like glue

nodding in agreement whenever he’s talking

he honestly can’t be alone, not even for a second

“MC I just need to use the bathroom”

“I’ll keep you company”

Jesus MC

luckily for her, though, he doesn’t really mind

but when they’re home, he’s very quiet himself

most of the time MC is the one checking on him

“You okay?”

“Are you alive”

“Are you mad at me?”

no MC he’s not mad at you

Jaehee

she l o v e s it

quiet MC = peace at home

and boy, does she need some peace

she does really like small talks though

so when MC doesn’t answer properly she gets kind of annoyed

but MC is quite quick to notice and tries her best to make Jaehee happy

and she makes it!

Jaehee knows how shy MC actually is

and she tries not to embarass her too much

or make her feel unconfortable

she’s just really nice and sympathetic

707/Saeyoung

this boy is a fucking tease

MC is hella shy? BETTER EMBARASS HER

MC doesn’t like talking in front of many people? MC, GIVE US A SPEECH

MC is mad at him because of that?

oh shit MC is mad at him

“MC I’m sorry”

“MC I didn’t want to hurt you”

“MC please forgive me I’m an idiot”

yes you are

and of course MC forgives him

one day though

he was deep into some hacking stuff

and MC was in the living room, minding her own business

it might have been five or six hours, and he didn’t hear her at all, not even for a secon

and boy was he worried

he came running in the living room

“MC ARE YOU OKAY?”

“MC PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE OKAY”

“MC ANSWER”

“I’m okay you dumbass”

“Okay, just checking”

you were worried sick, just admit it

V

okay, let’s say it: he’s blind

he can’t really see MC, so hearing her voice would be kinda nice

except for the fact that MC is a little too quiet and does not talk often

she answer whenever he’s talking, of course

but doesn’t really like it

but V is just so in love with her voice

so he asks her to read something for him

and she agrees

honestly, who wouldn’t?

they’re both on the couch, V’s head resting on MC lap while she pets his hair

she’s reading some poetry out loud

he loves it

V once asked her to be his model, back when his sight wasn’t this bad

her face suddenly became bright red

“Do I have to?”

“Only if you want to”

“You’re not going to show this photos around, are you?”

MC he didn’t ask you to pose naked

i guess

“I’m not”

“Okay then”

Saeran

he’s not much of a talker himself, so that doesn’t really bother him

he does really enjoy spending time with MC without talking

just being by her side, maybe cuddling somewhere

on the bed, on the couch, wherever

oh god he loves to cuddle so very much

he’s perfectly fine with MC being shy as well of course

however he loves when MC is a little embarassed

her face is red, she’s stuttering and suddenly looking away and that’s just too cute to handle

so he tries to embarass her as often as possible

and MC actually never gets mad at him

she can’t

he’s just too cute

[amorremanet]

for that ship meme: pansy/terry, millicent/ernie, sinistra and snape as a brotp, goyle/luna, draco/dean ~ harry potter; malia/kira, allison/lydia ~ teen wolf?

the brutally honest ship opinions game

Pansy/Terry: uh, well. My headcanon Terry is gay as the day is long, and would probably go, “But Pansy’s always such a bitch to everyone else, so it’s okay to be a bitch to her before she’s even done anything today” while I can definitely see Pansy going, “Ugh, but he’s ~a homosexual deviant~ who got disowned over it” as an excuse to justify being a shit to him before he’s even done anything today (and doing it pretty hypocritically, since…… Pansy, honey? Depending on how I feel today, she’s either bi or a lesbian who’s in denial, and she is almost definitely having Something on the side with Daphne at any given moment, so yeah.)

idk, I think with these two, even if we overlook the incompatible orientation issue (since it is, admittedly, just my headcanon), they’re ultimately way too similar to each other to actually get along.

They differ on some pretty big points, too — oddly enough, House isn’t one of them for me, since I see Terry as a Slytherclaw who tries to pretend he’s a Ravendor because he desperately wants the love and approval of his found family of weirdo DA Ravenclaws and feels like he has to constantly earn it, and Pansy as a Slytherclaw who tries to pretend she’s a Slytherdor but doesn’t see it as pretending she’s a Slytherdor because eww Gryffindors are disgusting unless they’re Parvati, and Gryffindor is Gross, Pansy just wants it to be obvious to the other Slytherin girls that she is the Queen Bee so don’t fuck with her

—but those points of difference don’t really enable them to get along, ever. They largely just exacerbate the feeling of looking at someone else and seeing a grim reflection of all your own personal failings, everything that you could become or could’ve been under different circumstances, and so on, and hating the other person for that.

Which is intriguing af to me, but not going to make me ship it, really? (Not least since…… my headcanon Terry is still gay.)

Millicent/Ernie: Totally cute. They’d have a lot to work through, in canon, I think — though some of it also comes down to personal interpretation with Millicent, like, “was she a member of the Inquisitorial Squad because she genuinely believed in it, or because of peer pressure, or because she was terrified Umbridge might go after her family, or what? If she did genuinely believe in it, then what changed between then and DH, because she was not named as one of the students who supported the Carrows, and to be fair, it’s not like Dumbledore’s Army was EVER particularly welcoming to the Slytherins (whether in strictly DA terms or not), so Millicent couldn’t have joined them because they never helped make that an option for any Slytherin students”

—but I think that these two could work through it and be pretty adorable together. They’re not my favorite ship for either character, and I admittedly usually use them in more of a background capacity, but still, they’re cute

(background capacity meaning, like, “Pansy is sulking at Millicent and Ernie’s wedding because she’s single and ugh, how dare Millicent fall in love and get married before Pansy, this isn’t FAIR.

“Zacharias is drinking at Ernie and Millicent’s wedding because: 1. it’s a wedding and 2. eugh, Ernie has had sex with Millicent Bulstrode (and Zacharias, much as I love him, is still a douche who would go, ‘ewww’ at that and try to act like it’s about them being straight when no, it’s about him being a jerk and thinking that Millicent is hideous).

“Justin is nominally keeping an eye on his boyfriend at said wedding bc someone always has to, no matter where they go or what they do, buuuut Zacharias weaseled away and ends up talking to Pansy.

“At some point in there, he ends up going, ‘You know, we could elope with each other right now and it’d totally steal Millicent’s thunder and make you the center of attention again. But Justin gets to live with us and stay my boyfriend and you can have a girlfriend or a kept boy or whatever, I guess, that’d be fair, right? Actually, that might be even more scandalous and get you even more attention? You like attention, right?’

“and Pansy goes, ‘Huh, you make an oddly valid point, that’s like the first time I’ve ever heard you do that, am I supposed to reward you with idk a Pumpkin Pasty or something, stupid boys eat Pumpkin Pasties, right.’

“So she grabs Daphne and he goes and grabs Justin, and that’s the story of how Daphne and Justin got roped into facilitating one of the most asinine stunts that their boyfriend and longtime crush, respectively, ever pulled.

“Oddly enough, it does end up working, and is eventually more like two cohabiting couples — Daphne/Pansy and Justin/Zacharias — where Pansy and Zacharias just happen to be legally married because of said asinine stunt — and they send each other memos about dinner and the kids and whose fault it is that [pick some weird domestic dispute] was A Thing on official Ministry letterhead because they are Mature — but…… y’know. Things happen. Sometimes, the things that happen are weird.

“Ernie spends this whole time being like, ‘Justin, you’re supposed to be a GOOD influence on him, not HELPING HIM do the stupid thing of the day’ (and cue Justin: ‘He was going to do it with or without me! At least with me there, he didn’t try to Apparate while two drinks away from shit-faced!’)

“While Millicent is just like, ‘Daphne, does your girlfriend even remotely understand that relationships are not actually a competition and me getting married before she did is only an indication that I worked on sustaining a relationship more actively than she did.’

“‘No, but she’s also not my girlfriend, so……’

“‘So, you should do something about that, too. Since you’re already living with her, her husband, and his boyfriend.’

“‘I’M WORKING ON IT.’

“‘No, you’re not.’

“‘I AM SO. JUST. Very slowly.’

“‘Glaciers have been known to move faster, Daphs.’

“‘I just want everything to be perfectly romantic and to happen ever so beautifully and to live up to all of my completely unrealistic expectations that I made up in my head based on my own ridiculous misunderstanding of certain tropes in popular love poetry, is that really a crime now.’

“‘It’s not a crime, no, but it is kind of a problem if you ever want to actually be her girlfriend, soooo…… :|’”)

Sinistra & Snape: I haven’t really thought about it much before, but really, the only potential roadblock I see to them being friends (at least, friends who would actually describe themselves as friends) is, in short, Severus’s personality. More specifically, his attitudes toward friendship and being any kind of close to anyone. So, idk, I guess I could see them being like, “colleagues who at least more or less respect each other, who are almost friends, but have you tried being friends with Severus Snape lately? Bc he makes it very difficult”

Goyle/Luna: eh, I’d rather not? I guess I can see where someone might be coming from, but I also feel like Luna has better things to do after DH than coddle Greg and let him emote all over her about how his bff Vince died by being a dipshit and the other Slytherins are dealing with it by discussing fuck-all nothing and hey guys maybe Greg wants to talk about his feelings of grief, did anyone ever think about that??? :(

Like, I’d feel bad for Greg in that scenario — and unfortunately, given how most of the Slytherins behave, I think it’s totally plausible, and probably pretty likely to be what happened — but pairing Luna up with him in that scenario would feel like it’s too much about him and not enough about a balanced, mutually respectful relationship to me, so? I’d rather not

Draco/Dean: mmm, I’m gonna pass. Just…… Dean Thomas deserves so much better than this.

Kira/Malia: uh, I don’t really care about TW anymore in general, but they’re one of the only TW ships that I still love enough to look at content for, so there’s that?

Allison/Lydia: ……eh? *shrugs* They’re cute and all, but they dominated TW femslash for so long, and so much of the content for them was really heavily biased in favor of one or the other, usually glossing over Allison’s flaws and screw ups to make Lydia her doting girlfriend and present Allison as Completely Perfect Can Do No Wrong Ever or vice versa, so it’s like? I like them, but I don’t “like them” like them, y’know?