#it's well past time we learn to normalize and accept mental illnesses besides depression and anxiety

[denimbex1986]

“All of Us Strangers” is a melancholic drama, filled with so much sadness and emotion that it took me a long time to settle in and get into it; the movie truly rocked my world as emotions flooded due to Andrew Scott’s perfect performance of grief, sadness and loneliness which pulls us in, and we are right beside him throughout the journey. The movie tackles loneliness, confronting our inner child and healing them, grief and catharsis. (I have left out a huge spoiler point from the twist in the movie to avoid ever spoiling this for anyone who hasn’t seen it because it will take away from this perfect sad movie).

Adam (Andrew Scott) is a lonely screenwriter who keeps to himself, and one night, has a strange encounter with his neighbour Harry (Paul Mescal), who he initially snubs after Harry approaches him for a night cap. Adam becomes engrossed in his past and finds himself back in his childhood home with his parents who had died in a car accident, although, they seem to be alive and well, welcoming him and talking to him like normal. Adam begins to deal with his grief, which he seems to not have processed all this while and in the midst of dealing with his grief, opens himself up to Harry; their relationship develops as Adam deals with and comes to terms with the death of his parents.

Adam is incredibly lonely and was lonely even when his parents were alive. In his encounter/confrontation with his father (Jamie Bell), Adam’s father apologizes for not opening the door all those years when he could hear Adam cry. Adam’s mother (Claire Foy) accepts her son’s sexuality when he comes out to him, but still shows concern for him, even becoming concerned about the AIDS pandemic that was ravaging the gay community, to which Adam assures her that there is nothing to worry about. Adam’s loneliness and depression manifest themselves in the hallucinations of his parents and this is his coping mechanism as he is able to share with them/articulate his own fears, his worries, anxieties in a way he can at the same time find comfort from within. Adam’s parents are even concerned whether their death was quick, and Adam assures them that it was. Because of what he is getting from his parents at the moment, the comfort and reassurance, Adam extends the same to them as he worries/tackles what concerns dead people could have and the assurance that one can give them. This once again gives him some assurance that his parents are resting in peace and did not suffer in death.

Both Adam and Harry are dealing with the same thing, and unfortunately when they encounter each other, there isn’t much either of them could have done for the other. This is a scathing indictment of how loneliness and mental illness take away from us our ability to function as a community. While life is happening to us, we become so blinkered, and we are unable to see the people going through the same things as us, we aren’t being there for people who might need it, or we might actually need to be there for people so that they can be there for us. “Harry” and “Adam” are happy together. They are able to move past their grief, loneliness and be there for each other. Adam doesn’t immediately become well, even as his relationship with “Harry” starts. He continues to escape to his parents to find solace and to go through the grief, because you can’t really come out of it without going through it, until he is finally out of the trenches and goes to Harry.

At the end of the film, we are left wondering, has Adam learned anything from this journey? Will he be triggered to go back into grief for what could have been, or will he heed Harry’s advise and not “let this get tangled up again”? We can only hope for the best, but mental illness is a prison and healing isn’t linear. “All of Us Strangers” put a lot into perspective. It places a mirror onto our society and allows us to see how loneliness, grief, mental illness and fear holds us back; the importance of pulling through and being there for one another, even strangers who may see through us, and we, them.

“All of Us Strangers” was a marvelous gut-wrenching movie and a must watch because it explores themes that are not only universal but aren’t usually tackled in mainstream cinema. Sure, the love and the fluff is great, and people like happy endings to be squeaky clean, however, life in the trenches might mean that the “happy” ending is just going back to your life with all the heartbreak and tragedy right in the rear view, still easily seen. Because of the magical surrealism and twists in the movie, we are required to suspend our disbelief in the movie, therefore I will not be rating it too strictly on the plot but rather on its themes.

Rating- 5 out of 5'

[thatwitchrevan]

I haven't been able to finish Moon Knight yet but I've enjoyed the first few episodes so far and I really enjoy Marc and Steven's relationship with Layla ;-; Layla has a really vibrant personality and I pretty much adored her immediately, and I love fictional dynamics with estranged spouses that still love each other. Even better if they reconcile, because while I love breakup arcs and think they're important, I'm also soft for divorced or separated characters getting back together because they love and miss each other and manage to make it work 👀

Also love her learning about Steven and developing a relationship with him as well as Marc. Steven is so sweet on her and it's really cute, and I appreciate how quick she was to treat Steven like his own person once she understood that that was the case and that he's not just a cover for Marc. I don't know nearly enough about DID to speak on whether Moon Knight is good representation but seeing someone so close to Marc understand and acknowledge Steven as a person and treat him and Marc both with respect and no sign of revulsion or fear when she begins to understand what's going on seems very nice and refreshing.

There's a little bit of strife due to the fact that Marc didn't tell her about all of this and he and Steven are clearly struggling, but Layla doesn't seem to be upset or uncomfortable with the fact that they're a system in of itself, just that it was hidden from her. That takes an open mind and a lot of compassion to adjust so well to big and new information about someone you know so intimately, but I think the narrative also makes it very clear why Marc didn't feel like he could talk about it and why he pushed her away.

Anyway I love them... I'm probably not gonna see the rest of the season until my brother is home to watch with us but I'm excited to see it and I hope someone tears those divorce papers up ❤️

[overwhelmed-ravenclaw]

Admitting Having PTSD

Admitting something like this is extremely hard for someone. For me, it was especially hard because of the fact of how my family is. They have toxic tendencies and the other side is majority toxic in general. So I am not precisely safe from them playing blame game if they even admit it to themselves that I do have PTSD.  I hope this helps someone else who has to admit their family or to other people about PTSD. Also, I would like to point out that I didn’t tell my whole family (I won’t tell my whole family) and I will also like to say that others may have even more different reactions. It is something scary and no one knows what to precisely expect. I was trying to be trigger wary while writing this. TL;DR at the end I’ll have a line separating them. Everything I pre-typed for this is undercut.  @ptsdconfessions​

My family like most is complicated. It feels to me like mine is more so than a lot of others but I know that probably isn’t the truth. My mom left when I was young, which is important to this but not what this is about. I had accepted my mom left because she wasn’t happy in her marriage to my dad. She explained to me she didn’t know where she was going so she couldn’t take us with. She didn’t want to put us in any kind of danger by accident. For a 7-year-old, I understood she was trying to protect us and get out of a loveless relationship. 

I have 4 older sisters, but one doesn’t play a role in this till years later, so I am going to skip her for the time being. (She was adopted after my mom left and around the time the PTSD started to form)  My counselor and Therapist both had repeatedly suggested I explain more than “I have depression” to my family. They knew that I knew I had PTSD. The reason behind it varied to a bunch of things that most of which happened before I was 13 and there was nothing I could do about it. Some of the stuff that happened later in life adds onto that but I am going to stay vague to avoid triggers as much as I can. None of my PTSD had to do with my mother leaving, or at least very little did, because if she was there then a lot of it wouldn’t have happened.

So I first sat down with my sister and uncle who lived with me. I am going to call this uncle (huge family) U-D, the sister at hand is L. L’s reaction was “So you are mentally insane, that means you can get disability and quit your dream of whatever it is, I don’t know it doesn’t make sense.” My dream is to help children that dealt with same past like me and make sure they don’t end up as bad as I did, so I became a paraprofessional (Fancy word for special needs aide) The other part of my dream is to become a published author. Not through self-publishing but a big name company. I don’t care if my books don’t sell, I want to know that I have at least tried to be an author.

U-D stated that he doesn’t understand how I have PTSD because I was never in the army or warzone. Later on, he learned what happened to me when I was little, or at least small bits, from my sister B. Let just say after learning some information he had dropped that I couldn’t have PTSD and just went with it. L kept pushing me to do things that she knew would trigger me till finally not one but four councilors had all sat down and explained to her what she was doing, she kept it up. She saw that if she can keep triggering me then I will do what she wants to make her leave me alone. Then eventually I told my aunt AD and my Dad. Dad stated he could tell that I had PTSD because of the fact that he was a lousy dad. Which is partly true. If he would have done what should have when I was little then I wouldn’t have it this server. He isn’t fully at blame but he admitted he did things wrong and knows it. AD then learned a few of the things through dad and me. She was supportive and wanted me to seek deeper help. Which I did with her encouragement and her nudging me on the path of healing. Next person I told was my grandmother on my mother side. Up to this point, I have only talked to the family who is on my dad’s side and I can be face to face. My grandparents on my dad’s side passed away years ago and my grandfather on my mom’s side passed away while I was still a baby. So this grandmother was the only one I could talk to. Her reply to finding out made my stomach feel like I had eaten lava and nauseous. You know the feeling that you just did something bad and disgusting and you get after that? Well, that was my version of that feeling. I am getting it now, but I want to get this story out here.

My grandmother’s reaction which a lot of my PTSD does ties back to her in my childhood… was the simple saying “It is your mother’s fault. She left you at such an impressionable age. It caused you to have depression. If you would stop living in the past your doctor wouldn’t mistake it as PTSD. So start smiling more and live in the future!” Which I ended our conversation with a quick “My phone is dying, talk you later” then it took me 2 months to be able to call her again.

My Aunt who works at the hospital AB was next and AB snorted. “I have known that since you were twelve. You on medicine now for anxiety? What kind so I can check it against my copies of your old medical records.” Which was a huge Wait, what? So I told her my meds, she then told me to ask the doctor about lower doses because I don’t take medicine. I never liked to. Which the doctor agreed and gave me lower doses and the kind my aunt requested because, after a second look, the doctor stated that it would be better for me. I have nightmares that make me have insomnia. (Solution to that is lots of caffeine. Mainly coffee.)

My sisters B and M (adopted one I said I would skip for time being) both knew about me having PTSD but because my dad wouldn’t seek help for me when I was little there was nothing they could do until I was an adult. By then they thought I already sought help, but only did about 2 years ago. I haven’t told my eldest sister, because a huge chunk of it is because of her and her husband. I also haven’t explained properly to my mother because I don’t want to make her worry, she has PTSD too. I know I will have to eventually. That just left one uncle that I was extremely close to. AD’s husband. When I finally told him about it he dismissed it stating “Everyone has PTSD.” Which made me confused and I stated that. “Listen, you are perfectly normal. You are fine. Nothing is wrong with you. What they claim is PTSD is normal for everyone. Everyone has it. It is like breathing air, it comes naturally to us. You just have to ignore it and move on in life. Not take the medicine they give you and become a pill popper, man.” ((He’s an old school hippy)) He then started to use that tone that parents do when you have done something wrong when I tried to explain that it wasn’t sadness or depression that I have actual flashbacks and nightmares. That I have physical issues once triggered that too much happens at once to explain in dept. Which one he started to give me that look and down talking me saying basically what he said before. He stormed off and act liked I was an idiot. I was heartbroken because out of everyone, I figured he’d understand. He was drafted into a war when he was 17 so he should have understood, right? Talking to AD later, I explained what happened and I could see the emotions in her eyes seemed to scream in annoyance. Not at me, but at her husband. She then explained to me when she first met him in her teenage years, he was already married but they were filing for divorce, they became good friends since they worked together. She was a waitress, he was the cook. He then told her about how he has been forced to see a doctor who he thinks was coo-coo (her words) he had been diagnosed with PTSD from the war, though he was just a sailor who picked up injured soldiers and brought them home, and he was diagnosed Bipolar. He didn’t like how the medicine made him feel and react so he stopped taking them declaring that they were trying to make him into a pill popper, which she stated it took him months to stop having the withdrawals from the medicine. In the 80s before his daughter was born he tried again, and again he didn’t like how they made him feel and once stopped taking them the withdrawals were the worst thing he has ever encountered or at least that is what he told AD. So much like how older people in our small town area is still using racist words but not in a racist way, only because their mind is set to that programming that can’t be overridden, he is same way about medicine for “fake mental illnesses” and that was why he was so hard on me. He still is hard on me whenever someone brings up about when I need to take my medicine and he is around. It got to the point I have actually started to try to avoid him as much as I can. I hate that because I love spending time with him at his house, we do crafts together and bounce craft ideas off of each other. He used to come over to mow the lawn for me so I didn’t have to use the old push (not engine mower it is an actual push contraption with opened blades and you have to put your weight on it to make it cut the lawn) He does it with his actual mower that is run on gas. Now avoiding him, he started to avoid me too and I hate the feeling of loneliness I got. In my family, it is rare to hear someone to say sincerely “I love you” he did. No one else in my family besides, my mom, B, and M do that. Everyone else does it as if they rehearsed it and don’t mean it. Like it is something that they are supposed to say. Which when I hear it so sincerely from him or my mom or my two sisters that do that, it puts me in tears of happiness because my normally numbed emotionally body is filled with this comfortable warmth. Any bad thoughts or images that popped in my head or even the worst day imaginable, once I hear those words with someone being sincere, it is all out of my mind and I am too happy to care about anything else.

TL; DR // Summary

So each had a different type of reaction to me coming out.

L - Money, thinks she is going to get to control me because I can leave my job (I am not getting money because of PTSD) 

UD - At first not understanding then he is. He makes sure I eat and when triggered he normally gives me chocolates and make sure I take my meds.

AD - Love, lots and lots of love. She buys me random stuff (including lunch while I am working at the school) and my favorite yet is when she baked me a freaking cake because I was annoyed at my sister trying to trigger me before I got to school that day.

Dad - Guilt and understanding.

Grandmother - Blaming everything and everyone else not even caring what was the true cause, when that didn’t work then stated I don’t have it just living in the past.

AB, B & M - They knew already and thus why they were always loving and supportive of me (besides B always states “You are my baby girl, of course, I love you” Then I normally get roped into really tight hugs that make all my bones pop.)

Hippy - Denile. Claims that PTSD isn’t real. Set in old time ways of thinking when really damaging to me but he doesn’t mean to be. He is trying to be helpful.

I’m leaving my mom out, I rather her think for now until I have to tell her, that I just have depression. It is easier on her mental health and I don’t want her to stress and worry about me.

[dovechim]

1,3,4,6,7,8,10 and 11 for Its okay, that’s love.

I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps gonna put this under a read more bc it’s a monster 

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?Much of this fic was inspired by the kdrama by the same name. every time i watch it i always end up sobbing, no exceptions. i just think it’s one of the most well written dramas out there, one that hits really close to home and feels the most relatable to me. and i’ve always wanted to write a series too, and one that focuses on everyone, not just member x reader :)

2: What scene did you first put down?like i said before, i’m a boring person so i start practically every fic i write with the first scene that you read lmao 

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

His voice is gruff, and deep down he admires you because you always know just what to say to him when he’s in one of those depressive episodes, or when he’s feeling so damn shitty about every single thing he has going for him. But when the tables are turned, he realizes that he has no actual idea what to say to you, and this is his pathetic attempt.- Ch 03

Because he’s Jeon Jeongguk, golden boy and star player, and he needs this so badly not just as a career for a livelihood, but because it’s all he’s ever known himself to be, and without it, what would he ever amount to? - Ch 04

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?vnvdcskjcds there’s so many i couldn’t possible pick just one!!! most of the character’s dialogues are things that i wish someone would say to me when i’m having a hard time, or things that i found comforting and inspiring when i was struggling. 

“Some days are great, some days not so great, but I’m doing the best I can.”- Yoongi, Ch 01

“Just treat them as patients when they’re in your consultation room, and try to see past their diagnoses at home, okay? Treat them like normal people, _____, cos that’s what they are. Remember we were taught to see people as more than their mental illnesses?” Taehyung, Ch 02

“She’s like a stubborn little mule who hates carrots, so she can’t be bribed.” Taehyung about OC, Ch 02

“You win some, you lose some.”- Yoongi, Ch 03

“Keep going. You’re doing a good job.” Yoongi, Ch 03

“What if and should have are the saddest words in the English language, did you know that?... And it’s okay. It’s okay to regret things, and it’s okay to make wrong decisions. You made the choice based on the current information that was available to you, and future-you might know differently, but that doesn’t invalidate your past decision.” Jeongguk, Ch 03

“We are the sum total of the choices that we make. Every crossroad you came across and the decisions you made were meant to lead you to this very place.” OC, Ch 03

“People who have anxiety or depression aren’t always anxious or depressed, they have good days and they have bad days. It’s just hard to see the signs because all we know and see are their good days, not their bad days where they can barely deal with themselves, not to mention letting someone else in.”

“Can we try to help them make the good days outnumber the bad days?”

“We can try, Jimin.” convo between OC and Jimin, Ch 04

“I don’t want you anymore, Hoseok.” OC, Ch 04

“...wouldn’t you like to know what it’s like to get fucked by something other than life?”

“What?” Seokjin snorts in response. “If you’re offering, then no.” convo between Taehyung and Seokjin, Ch 05

“Sometimes, I just want to talk about things with someone, tell them how I’m lost and how I don’t feel like existing anymore, but I don’t want them to be sad or worry about how to comfort me. I don’t want to be this toxic person who rains on everyone’s parade with these kind of thoughts, but I just want them to understand. I just want to tell someone. And then we can go on with our lives as per normal, and go get lamb skewers or something.” Jeongguk, Ch 05

5: What part was hardest to write?a lot of the filler scenes!!! like between all the major climatic events happening, and i have to say especially part 05 was the hardest to write!!

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?although a lot of my fics are inspired by my real life events, this one in particular is special to me bc its very close to home. a lot of the scenes and emotions i instil in the characters are based off my own experiences, and a lot of the dialogue/ advice that the characters give are also things that i think would help someone who’s going through a similar situation. 

and this fic is also in a way a part of my own journey of learning to accept and love myself, and coming to terms with my own flaws and letting others see them as well :)

7: Where did the title come from?it came from the kdrama :)

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?jeongguk’s anxiety is partially modelled off my own anxiety, and jimin’s split personality actually came from an anon request a long time ago. hoseok’s illness was inspired by his wings solo clip, and jimin as a water polo player was inspiring by the spring day mv where he was wearing that cute beanie that looked like a water polo cap!!

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?hmmm not really, i can't even finish the fic as it is, let alone come up with alternate versions :”) 

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?one reason was because of the anon request for split personality jimin. but up to this point there’s not much romance in the story yet, because i want to emphasis that you can't always depend on romantic love to cure your mental illnesses. that’s a very unhealthy obsession that’s being perpetuated, and i wanted to focus on more platonic relationships first, as well as the loving yourself aspect. 

11: What do you like best about this fic?i love how everyone here is flawed and lacking in some way, but they still come together like a family to love and support each other (in their own little ways) through whatever happens. it feels like a slice of life kinda thing, where every one’s struggling to make it through, but it doesnt feel so bad because you know you have people who are struggling right beside you :) 

[life-observed]

Musings from The Strangest Year on Earth

Confronting

2019 into 2020 was arguably the hardest year of my life in perhaps the most unspectacular of ways. There was no defining incident, no dramatic high point, just a lot of glowing embers waiting patiently for the wind to catch so they could burn my house to ash.

I am what one could call a chronic avoider. A runner, a hider and often (it felt), someone who lacked the ability to endure. The problem here, as you can imagine is that no matter how far you run, there is no getting away & the further I ran, the harder it was to turn around and confront the thing I was trying to outrun. I ran out of energy towards the end of the year, and when it finally caught up with me, I felt like I was out of options. I couldn’t run anymore, and I lacked the fortitude to fight. Lenka has a song called Trouble is A Friend. In it she sings, “I won’t let him in, but I’m a sucker for his charm”. The truth is, while I do not enjoy being depressed, there is something safe in knowing what to expect. So, I let it pick me up and hold me close to its cheek; large and looming, but strangely comforting in its familiarity. I had been here before, and all I had to do was wait it out until it put me down, and let me walk beside it, holding my hand until I inevitably started to get the itch to run again.

Seeing Colors

Depression is an old friend, but I had never seen it like this. For the first time, I started seeing colors in my mind’s eye; a way to give tangibility to the intangible. When it first caught up with me, I saw things through a grey fog. It was like I could see my life, but everything was grey and hazy. This I was used to. I was anticipating the slow return of color to the edges that would work its way towards the middle, and when it didn’t come, what was once an old, familiar place suddenly felt foreign and very empty. The loneliness I felt here was unparalleled. Not only had I spent the past year physically isolating from relationships I had held near & dear, now the one thing I thought I could count on was changing before my eyes. I started waking up and seeing the same scene in my head every day. A dark, angry orange sky over a cracked, dusty ground with no sign of life anywhere: dead trees and a stifling sort of silence. It was in this sky that I lost the ability to recognize my face in the mirror. When I looked at myself, it was the first time in my life that I saw a very sad stranger looking back at me. I removed pictures of myself from messaging apps, social media. I couldn’t stand to look at myself, so unrecognizable, so much like a ghost. Under this sky, I felt myself giving up.

Endurance

I say the following as a fact — not a cause for alarm. I have thought about dying a lot. It’s a thought that has come to me unbidden, even at the strangest times. One of the most frightening experiences was driving home after a wonderful two day vacation with people who I love and care for dearly, having spent the whole weekend feeling like I was trapped in a glass box. I could see things, hear things, but inside was quiet and airless. On the drive home, I remember thinking how much easier it would be to just open the car door on the highway and roll right out. I don’t doubt for a minute that I would never actually follow through, because the desire to no longer exist felt separate and removed from the desire to actually kill myself– I was just so tired. But I let it pass. At the very worst of it this year, it was no longer a given that I could just wait it out and land on my feet. Increasingly, the fear was growing that this would be the one I wouldn’t come back from. Right as I had started what felt like the final descent, my long time therapist reached out to me to say I’d been on her mind. And, at the end of my rope, I began what has turned into my longest, most consistent therapy work to date. I also went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with moderate to severe depression — and put me on anti- depressants which was terrifying, to say the least. I have never been great with consistency in medication, and again, the uncertainty of how long I would need them for was almost too much to wrap my head around. But what else did I have to do? Whether I took the meds or not, the time would pass anyhow. I surprised myself with how consistent I became with the medication, and today I am unsure how I would have fared had I not started. While it would be great to see an immediate shift in mood and circumstance, the truth is, what it did was lift the fog just a little bit at a time to give me a chance to catch my breath, to orient myself towards the way out. And before I realized it, 3 months had passed, and I was still standing — albeit exhausted and worn down but standing I was.

The Truth about Therapy

Endurance is one thing — we survive, swinging one day to the next until our feet touch some sort of solid ground, but what comes after? It’s like longing for a million dollars and then being unsure what to do with it when it lands in your lap. We rarely think about the in between that takes you from the depths to a relatively safer ground. Therapy is not just talking about your feelings for an hour. I find it neither comfortable, nor easy. If I have been to 20 sessions over the last 5 months, I have left 15 of them feeling worse than when I arrived. As a rule, I usually attend therapy until I am over the hump and then “get too busy” or decide it’s too much money and then fall off. It’s an avoidance technique, and I wasn’t quite sure what I was avoiding until I pushed through the first month.

Being in therapy has been painful and exposing — which is frightening to one such as myself who fears hurt and detests uncontrolled vulnerability. Strange as it may seem given the existence of these utterings, but here, I control the narrative. I can erase, delete and do anything I want with this piece. Real time vulnerability is a lot different. A working (and still not quite fully comprehensible) diagnosis for me is Social Anxiety Disorder with a little bit of OCD & Body Dysmorphic Disorder thrown in for some razzle dazzle. The SAD was easy enough to relate to, because the hallmarks of that disorder have run my life for as long as I can remember. The OCD was a little harder to accept and understand, because up until then, the only thing I knew about OCD was the familiar tropes you see in movies or books — hyper organization, rituals etc. The diagnoses aren’t really the point though. What I finally understood was: the behaviors & patterns that I have mulishly clung to for YEARS as a way to “protect” myself, are rooted in these disorders, and though they may be common, they are not all together normal.

Imagine then, being forced to look at your life and realize that you have years and years of learned behavior to undo. It is exhausting, and frankly, quite difficult. Habits are habits for a reason — they are second nature, even the bad ones. Especially the ones that you’ve convinced yourself are there to protect you and keep you safe. My thoughts operate in extremes — I am either immediately 100% successful at something and anything less is a failure. Though neither practical, nor possible, it makes the very concept of therapy difficult, because who’s ever undone a lifetime worth of warped beliefs in one session? The constant need for perfection & the subsequent failure to achieve the impossible is the albatross around my neck that makes it hard to celebrate even the small wins, because for me, it is all or nothing. It can be discouraging to go week after week, to spend thousands of dollars feeling like absolutely no progress is being made. Recently, I have found myself dragging to go, partially because I am terrified to see the things that still lie beneath, and partially because I feel like I am failing at therapy and therefore failing at life.

But I continue to go, because more important than enduring the storm with cracks in my hull is repairing them so I’m not springing leaks at every turn. The cracks are plentiful — some are beyond comprehension, some are heartbreaking, some are logic defying, & many days I am confronted with how these cracks rear their ugly heads at the most inconvenient times. I continue to go because I see the ways in which my unchecked mental illness has disrupted my life, and taken a toll on my relationships. I continue to go because though painful and some days heart-wrenching, it is the first time in years that I have felt the possibility of not walking around like a ticking time bomb, always one second from total destruction.

The Truth about Myself

So, what does this mean for me? It means that however dramatic it may seem, I have fought for my life, and continue to do so every single day. Some days are better than others — some weeks feel like a total regression and it’s hard to fight the impulse to engage in old habits. Sometimes I catch myself after the fact. The things I battle with are neither novel nor exciting, but still, they are mine. & while pride in myself is not something I am particularly familiar with, there is at least some satisfaction in knowing that the power to endure lies within me, even when I am certain I have nothing left to give.

Fear has run my life for as long as I can remember, and it would be an outright lie to say it no longer does, because I don’t do well with uncertainty, and fear has given me the illusion of keeping safe from the risks that come with being human and living vs. merely existing. Though I am still very much afraid of a lot of things, I have caught a glimpse of how having the upper hand over fear can pay off, even though I persist in my wrongness 9 times out of 10. Even though some days, I let my head get the best of me.

Yet still, I endure.

[michellelewis7162]

Naturopathic Medicine

Naturopathic Medicine

 Locate Naturopathic Medicine Schools in the United States and Canada. Naturopathic medicine schools give an unique and alternate academic road to students looking for ingenious and all-natural medical care research studies. In some of numerous naturopathic medicine schools, trainees will find that many of these knowing institutions supply Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine programs that may be attained via scholarly commitment. Holistic Medicine Schools

 Four-year systems in naturopathic medicine schools, prepare prosperous grads to take needed panel tests if you want to obtain licensure in those states that accredit Naturopathic Physicians (NDs) to exercise.

 Just like all alternative medicine colleges, naturopathic medicine schools position an importance on wellness as well as wellbeing of the "whole" person; it is this concept that teaches NDs to identify as well as alleviate the entire person and also not merely the health condition or even health and wellness problem. Naturopathic medicine schools base these teachings on this particular principle and also just how to utilize noninvasive approaches to cue the body's all-natural healing procedures Cyprus.

 In the first year, students taking part in naturopathic medicine schools will definitely learn more about the anatomy and also function of the human body. Furthermore, courses will certainly entail researches in naturopathic ideology, therapies as well as theory. The list below year, the majority of naturopathic medicine schools will interact trainees in pathology and also diagnostics. This is actually where students are going to get a broader understanding pertaining to agricultural medication, scientific nutrition, homeopathy as well as various other natural treatments. Consequently, the 2nd year of naturopathic medicine schools preps trainees for the intensive medical section of the course.

 In the course of years 3 and four, naturopathic medicine schools found practical professional training that entails a lot more thorough studies in organic medicine, professional health and nutrition and also homeopathy; besides scenario control as well as organs devices. Pupils registered in among many naturopathic medicine schools may choose to take electives in Shiatsu, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, as well as Traditional Chinese Medicine; to name a few Cyprus.

 Since the increasing requirement of organic medical care has performed the surge for virtually 20 years, successful grads of naturopathic medicine schools can take pleasure in gratifying, long-term jobs in the alternative medicine market. Potential earnings declare, though earnings may differ relying on whether or even not NDs function only in exclusive offices, or even in combination with health care centers and also various other health and wellness organizations.

 If you are fascinated in naturopathic medicine schools, do not hesitate to read our healing fine arts institutions' directory for among many naturopathic medicine schools near you today.

 Naturopathic Medicine - A Healing Art Revealed

 When individuals very first become aware of naturopathic medicine, the inclination of understanding is sometimes that of a doubter. Nonetheless, as combining medicine has actually started to develop, and the public has ended up being more accepting to alternative and corresponding medications, there has actually been actually an improved interest in naturopathy to prospective students and individuals, equally Cyprus.

 In naturopathic institutions, students acquire a broad viewpoint into the clinical approaches and practice of naturopathic medicine, which was particularly cultivated to boost health and wellness, as well as to avoid as well as deal with health conditions, as well as various other wellness conditions Larnaca.

 The one-of-a-kind instruction that is actually associated with a naturopathic medicine college is what commonly pulls possible candidates to application. As an example, were you conscious that naturopathy entails a wide range of recuperation crafts? Some of the various health care willpowers that are educated in naturopathic medicine programs feature acupuncture, aromatherapy, Ayurvedic medicine, herbology, homeopathy, hydrotherapy, as well as alternative and dietary therapy, and many more.

 Direction in naturopathy schools features the incredible past and also sources of naturopathic medicine. Students joining naturopathic training courses discover that Benedict Lust, the creator of the American School of Naturopathy in the early 1900s aided to ensure this recovery art, which came from India.

 Among the exclusive destinations of naturopathic medicine is that it is not intrusive, and normally naturopathic doctors often utilize organic treatments like nutritional therapy, minerals, herbs and supplements to address usual conditions as well as illnesses. In many cases, naturopathy specialists might also do diagnostics like laboratory work and also x-rays to efficiently cultivate treatment routines.

 Presently, 11 States, the U.S. Virgin Islands, as effectively as the District of Columbia moderate naturopathic medicine and require full licensure; in Utah, certified naturopathic doctors are actually legitimately able to prescribe medicines. In Canada, the provinces of British Columbia, Manitoba, Ontario as well as Saskatchewan offer complete licensure to specialists of naturopathy Larnaca.

 If you (or someone you recognize) want discovering naturopathic medicine and also naturopathic institutions, allow occupation instruction within fast-growing business such as massage treatment, cosmetology, traditional chinese medicine, asian medicine, Reiki, as well as others acquire you began! Check out occupation college programs near you Cyprus.

 Just How Is Naturopathic Medicine Helpful?

 Naturopathic medicine is a clinical movement and also profession that has lately relocated to the cutting edge of health-care advancement in North America and somewhere else worldwide. Concentrating on deterrence and also utilizing all-natural substances and treatments, naturopathic physicians assist and activate the physical body's capability to cure itself. The naturopathic technique is actually detailed, combining technology with many strong substitute curative devices (techniques), consisting of:

 Way of life guidance

Nutrition

Natural medication

TimeWaver modern technology

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP).

Psychological Freedom Technique (EFT).

Chinese medicine and also acupuncture.

Hands-on treatments (i.e. massage therapy, therapy, chiropractic, etc.).

These naturopathic techniques can easily be broken down right into two types:.

 1. Techniques that resolve the causes of ailment: our communication along with the bodily atmosphere (what we eat, drink, as well as take a breath), in addition to the physique of our body system. These are most ideal resolved through holistic nutrition, organic medicine, and Chinese medicine Larnaca.

 2. Methods that resolve the underlying psychological, emotional, metaphysical, and constitutional reasons for physical or emotional indicators: these reflect the inner discrepancy that lingers even in an ideal environment and suitable way of living. These are actually better addressed via energy medicine, Chinese medicine, as well as psychiatric therapy 7101.

 By using these two point of views all together, our facility has the capacity to offer an extensive array of services for stopping and managing virtually any kind of health and wellness condition, consisting of and particularly those taken into consideration clinically incurable Larnaca.

 Naturopathic Assessment and Treatment.

 Through a comprehensive examination your naturopathic medical professional will certainly try to understand your issues and indicators at the inmost level and also to deliver you a procedure strategy that are going to bring state-of-the-art outcomes as well as advertise individual development. This analysis includes an understanding of the subsequent variables:.

 Way of living as well as exercise.

Food consumption.

Mental disposition (behavioural propensities, advantages, weaknesses).

Youth background and also family members connections.

Social atmosphere.

Past physical or psychological damage and also demanding life transitions.

Previous health care assistances.

Physical body chemistry (laboratory examinations).

Exposure to environmental poisons.

Genetics.

Virtually all constant and very most intense conditions may profit from naturopathic therapy, providing risk-free alternatives for any ages from babies to the elderly, and also for expecting girls at the same time. A number of these feature:.

 Endrocrine (hormonal) and metabolic health conditions such as diabetes, thyroidconditions, impotence, menstrual complaints, as well as menopause 7101.

Stomach disease, coming from child colic to irritable digestive tract disorder (IBS) to Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis.

Cardiovascular disease, higher cholesterol, and high blood pressure.

Autoimmune illness including numerous sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, and interstitial cystitis.

Skin layer conditions including chronic eczema, skin psoriasis, and also acne.

Bronchial asthma, allergy symptoms, constant sinusitis, reoccurring contaminations.

Mental health and wellness problems such as dependencies, stress and anxiety, clinical depression, bipolar illness, mental illness, as well as autism.

Constant exhaustion, fibromyalgia, and various other stress-related (psychosomatic) disorders.

Tailored medicine for body, thoughts, and spirit.

The major target of naturopathic therapy is actually to take care of the rooting causes of all illness instead of merely to deal with private signs and symptoms. Naturopathic physicians bear in mind the physical, psychological, psychological, as well as metaphysical sizes of a private when detecting and also creating a procedure planning, functioning coming from an attitude that focuses on maintainable, long-term resolution of problems and also improvement in total well-being. Although many people initially decide on naturopathic therapy as a result of severe problems, naturopathic approaches can easily additionally be actually used to deliver comfort in intense scenarios 7101.

 Comprehending Naturopathic Medicine.

 Naturopathic medicine is actually a branch of medication that helps make use of all-natural solutions to aid the body system to recover itself. The method helps make use of various therapies including: physical exercise, traditional chinese medicine, massage therapy, cannabis as well as dietary healing 7101.

 The objective of this form of medicine is actually to handle the whole entire person. This suggests that it targets the body, thoughts, and character. The cool thing is actually that the method not just heals the signs and symptoms, it additionally intends for dealing with the reasons for an illness Cyprus.

 Perks of naturopathic medicine.

 In addition to the benefits discussed above, there are actually loads of various other benefits that possess this type of procedure. They include:.

 Preventing diseases: The traditional medication targets at treating a disorder. With naturopathy, you are certainly not only able to address a health condition, yet you are actually likewise able to stop the ailment from coming around down the road. As stated above, the ailment assistances in taking care of the reasons of the health condition. Considering that the source is actually dealt with, it can't come about eventually in lifestyle.

 Total great wellness: As mentioned over, the technique targets at healing the physical body, spirit, and mind. Consequently, you possess an overall wonderful lifestyle. The naturopath you go to performs some examinations and assist you select the correct meals to eat that are going to assist you have a superb life Cyprus.

 Inexpensive: If you have possessed a notable disorder you are going to concur with me that conventional therapy choices are actually costly. Despite the health condition you possess, naturopathy is actually much cheaper. This conserves you a considerable amount of money especially if you are operating a budget.

 Custom-made procedure strategies: Unlike in traditional medicine where all the people are actually provided the exact same medication, naturopathy recognizes that every person is actually different. Due to this, the naturopathic doctor dressmaker creates your therapy depending upon your diet, way of living, or even genetic makeups Cyprus.

 How naturopathic medicine works.

 The 1st point you need to perform is actually discover a physician who is actually experienced good enough as well as are going to lead you in offering you the best overall health. When you check out the doctor, he/she will certainly examine you for 1-2 hours. In the course of the test, the specialist is going to inquire concerns regarding your case history, lifestyle habits, and stress levels.

 After the doctor has actually ended, he/she will certainly create a collection of suggestions. He is going to encourage you on the best physical exercises to interact in, what you eat, and also if anxious, the worry administration pointers to established. Sometimes, the qualified may utilize corresponding medicine including homeopathy, acupuncture, and organic medication Cyprus.

 Things to keep in mind about the treatment possibility.

 The absolute most desirable point concerning this procedure alternative is actually that you can easily use it to alleviate a large range of health conditions such as allergies, fertility problems, excessive weight, persistent discomfort, digestive troubles, fatigue syndrome, as well as frustrations. You might find some medical professionals who can easily handle each of all of them and also others that concentrate on one. As you may possess guessed, you ought to check out a medical professional that focuses on one pipes as he/she is a lot more competent.

 Final thought.

 This is what you need to understand about naturopathic medicine. To obtain best results with the treatment alternative, deal with a credible medical professional.

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After 5 Years Of Relying On Medication, I Can Finally Sleep

Its been a long time since Ive written anything. And while my intentions were to blog every fortnight, this post has been extremely tough to write. For once I found it quite difficult to articulate my feelings and experiences, because of the personal nature of what I’m about to tell you.

A few weeks ago, I found myself chatting to one of my new friends, who is also an amazing business coach and mentor. He asked me how things were going aside from business, how are you feeling, just in general?. I thought about it and said, did you know, this is the first time in five years that Ive been able to sleep without taking a pill?

Insomnia has been affecting my ability to sleep properly since late 2010. It was kicked off by a freak hockey ball to the head incident, which then transpired into mental health problems (thanks, brain). Around 1 in 3 people have or have had some degree of insomnia in their lives. For an unlucky few (like me) insomnia is/was chronic. If youre one of them and are reading this, know that its okay, there IS a way out.

Back in 2010 I got a wild smack to the forehead from a fast flying hockey ball, I was briefly knocked out and I opened my eyes not even realizing what had happened, but bizarrely, I was laughing! It wasnt until I felt the huge lump on my head that it suddenly hit me (hah, pun intended). Soon after this, I had developed intense trouble sleeping and experienced extreme headaches and photophobia.

In my traditional headstrong fashion I refused to go to the doctor, that was a bad decision. Months later things seemed to be getting worse in my head space. After seeing a bunch of specialists and getting an MRI and all that, it was concluded that I had Post Concussion Syndrome (a minor form of traumatic brain injury).

Because of this, my health took a drastic downward spiral. I was lethargic, had constant headaches, was depressed, irritated, and slightly delusional. The doctors prescribed me dozens of painkillers to cope. I was studying a BMA at the time, and working so I could afford to live out of home and life spun out of my control. The brain does crazy things when it experiences trauma, and for a long long time I was not myself.

I was enrolled in a national head injury study. They interviewed me about the events and my experiences, then they interviewed some of my friends and family. Every six months my reaction time and short-term memory were tested, as well as my mood and general quality of life. It took almost two years for me to get back to normal. I dont know why it was such a long time, perhaps some people are more susceptible to these kinds of things. A lot of people in my family battle with mental illnesses. But even when I was feeling better, I still had to rely on medication to sleep.

Luckily for me, my doctors had refused to give me traditional sleeping pills such as Zopiclone, because of their addictive qualities. That was fine by me, I never intended to be stuck taking pills before bed. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldnt survive without them. At first it was Amitriptyline, a drug in high doses used to treat depression, but I was on it for headaches and as a muscle relaxant.

Sometime after I finished my degree in late 2012, I changed doctors due to not having access to the medical center on campus. My new doctor tried to wean me off taking the medication, I was all in. But it just didnt work. I went back to him after slowly reducing my intake at his guidance and tried a few months without anything. In mid-2013 I had more responsibility with my job which added some stress, and without any pills before bed I was getting between 1 and 5 hours sleep a night. I got sick a lot, gained a lot of weight, my mood was unstable, and I was quickly becoming very unhappy.

So I went back to my doctor, I was attempting to tell him that I still havent been able to sleep but I sat there crying in his office because I was just so exhausted and frustrated. I just wanted sleep. He recommended putting me through a sleep study and to see a sleep therapist, but this wasnt subsidized and I wasnt financially able to pay for such expensive tests (startup wages, am I right?). So, I opted for the easier just for now option. We tried something new, Quetiapine, an antipsychotic drug which in high doses is used to treat people who are bipolar or schizophrenic. I didnt get a large dose, only small enough to help me sleep. But even then I woke up every morning with a drug hangover and it took me hours every day before I could feel completely awake.

I lived like this for a long time, always having to take a pill before bed. Sometimes that didnt even work. I vividly remember how I felt after a huge hike over NZs Tongariro Crossing and then the 2-hour drive home. I was so tired, so exhausted after that I could hardly eat. I was thinking surely, surely I am this tired I must be able to sleep. But then as soon as my head hit the pillow my mind became awake, overactive and as much as I tried, I couldnt settle it down. A few hours later I begrudgingly got up and gulped down that damn pill, desperate for the relief of sleep.

This is when I started researching sleeping techniques. Over the past year and a half I have tried everything; yoga, meditation, walks in the evening, less coffee, less sugar, evening protein, writing down to-do lists and thoughts in a journal beside my bed, sleep tea, calm tea, chamomile tea, peppermint tea, Chinese herbs, sleep drops, lavender under my pillow, hops under my pillow, sleep apps with meditation, hypnosis, screen dimmers, installing Flux on my computer, melatonin, no screens (mobile, TV, Computer) two hours before bed, non-fictional reading before bed, homeopathy just everything.

Sometimes it would help, Id feel sleepy, try to drift off, then all of a sudden my mind would wake, even though Id be so so physically tired. I didnt know it was possible to feel so exhausted and awake at the same time. So I would carry on using my little pills to sleep and feeling hungover in the morning. I hated it, I never truly felt awake in all that time. And if I ever went somewhere and forgot my pills Id always get restless nights with little or no sleep.

A lot of time went past, living like this. After deciding to leave Hamilton to travel, I ended up in Perth, Australia. By the time I got here my little box of magic sleeping pills from New Zealand had run out. I attempted fate once more and tried to cold turkey my way to sleep. It really wasnt working out for me. The smallest noise, a single thought, any slight disturbance would set me off and my mind would begin racing once more. No matter what I did, I just couldnt sleep. There is nothing worse or more hopeless than the feeling of wanting and needing sleep so badly but you just cant get there and you realize your own mind is the only barrier to falling asleep. I remember thinking, how hopeless am I that I cant even perform the simple human function of sleeping?.

The one good thing that came out of these few weeks was my deep inner search for a reason. I didnt feel like my head injury was the cause of not being able to sleep, it just seemed like some sort of instigator. Im not going to share the details, but what I realized was that I had become afraid of sleep, and everything else was just an excuse.

I ended up seeing a wonderful doctor here who prescribed me some medication to sleep again and referred me to a counselor who specialized in sleep therapy. I gladly took the medication and debated whether I was ready for a counselor. I wanted to overcome my insomnia on my own (I had only just started acknowledging that this is really what I had), but sometimes you cant do everything on your own, sometimes you need to accept that you need a bit of a helping hand. And this is what I did.

The first session with my counselor was amazing. She knew what had happened without me having to say much, she said it and I sat there and cried. I cried as years of pent up emotion and holding back just escaped from me and it was so relieving. Her theory was I had developed an unconscious fear of sleeping because I lose control over myself and have to give in to the environment around me. I didnt feel . Of course, I knew logically that I was safe, but there was a deep fear within me that I had never let go of, a blocked memory; trauma. It had nothing to do with my head injury, that was a catalyst, as well as some other events that happened between then and now.

And so started my road to recovery. I went to the counselor once a fortnight. We didnt just talk about sleeping, we talked about a lot and it was really nice. I finally found an app that helped ease me into the sleeping mind-frame, Pzizz. Every morning within half an hour of waking up I get at least an hour of exercise outside. If not, I try to sit in the sun for 20 minutes or be active in some other way. I dont drink coffee after 3pm and limit myself to two a day (on bad days). I dont have much processed sugar, I write to-do lists every day in my diary so I dont lie in bed and think about everything I have to remember to do tomorrow. My bedroom has become an area for sleep every time I watch something on my laptop in bed it affects the amount and quality of sleep I get, so Ive stopped doing that.

Routines are also very important I do the same thing before bed every night. I also try to stick to the same hours, but Im still learning to sleep so I havent been using an alarm, just trying to slowly get back into the right rhythm. Right now I usually fall asleep between 12am, wake up at about 6, then go back to sleep until 9 or 10. Its not the pattern I love, and I still have many days where some nights are better than others, but Im getting there, Im improving and Im not giving up.

My mood has become better, my skin clearer, Im no longer getting sick every few weeks and my focus levels are at an all-time high. I still have a lot of work to do, but for the first time in over four years I can sleep without medication, and it feels so damn good.

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