#it's weirdly giving rolen and nim :skull:

[icehaloed]

She ran her hand through her hair, fingernails scraping against her scalp, almost hard enough to draw blood. The hiss of pain was enough to centre herself, enough to get her to snap out of whatever weird mood she was now in. There was much she had to say, but few words that were willing to leave her throat. Then, when had words ever been her friend? She had always been better at actions.

"I was . . . unwell." This felt almost like an understatement, but this was not about her, not really. This was about Lyon. "And you were a child. I should have been more present, more of a caretaker." More of a mother, but she could not bring herself to say it. And wasn't that almost funny in the most tragic of ways? How words were always what got stuck in her throat? Even when she really, really wanted them to cooperate with her? How no matter how much time passed, she could count on that? "I figured that along the years, you would have arrived at this realisation as well, that it wasn't fair. That you deserved a degree of warmth I . . . wasn't capable of as I was handling things quite badly at the time. And that's what I am sorry for."

She bowed her head, her hand limply dangling at her side. There was a weird type of exhaustion that came with her attempts at . . . making amends. She wished that would stop, she did not want to live as a ghost of her own past---did not want to be a haunting to others. Had she come back for that? To just be as before when surely, by now, she should have started to heal so that her pain would cease to harm others?

She shrugged. Weakly. "I guess I still worry about you, even though you're an adult now," she admitted.

it was almost astonishing how quickly one can slip back into an old, old habit. it was one that, when thought of, made adult lyon cringe just a bit. the habit is the part of him that waited on the edge, eager to listen, to wait for ur too talk. his attention was focused, he felt impatient, each second an eternity. but he always waited. all the way back then, when she was his teacher and now, when she ... well, teacher is a rather retired title. he's learned how to learn and grow on his own now. his dynamic ice make has come a long, long way.

mother felt...personal. and legal. he's never called her that.

mentor, maybe. mentor could work. it was flexible, more mature. his mentor finally spoke and — lyon was left in confusion.

"ur..." lyon's brows furrowed, "why would i be angry with you?" it was genuine. he ... he made his own fair share of mistakes. his entire...moon drip experiment was dangerous. what could he be angry about? with ur, at least? in fact, he's let go of a lot of anger over the years.

ah, wait. "if it's about .... not contacting me, that's .... i mean, i get it, ur. you literally came back to life. i'm not on the top of the list of priorities after something like that, i get it. besides, i'm an adult now." something coiled within him and he crossed his arms over his chest.

lyon's thoughts lingered back to The argument. surely, she knew he learned from that? right? she didn't die originally thinking he still thought himself as a replacement, right? it distressed him a bit, but he found himself not willing to ask.