#it's weird bc like. do i shop like a married straight guy... do i seem like i have a “her” for whom i should be buying gifts
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i think sometimes the ads i get emailed to me assume i'm like. a married straight man.
#maddie meows#god willing i will never be married#it's weird bc like. do i shop like a married straight guy... do i seem like i have a “her” for whom i should be buying gifts#gifts which would not apply to me bc of their gendered status...? Wife Gifts For My Heterosexual Wife?? i do not know#which like btw i'd sorta be bringing it down to the wire if i was this hypothetical married guy huh#sure hope those aren't the only gifts he'll (i'll...?) be getting his (m... my...?????) wife bc they might not get there in time.#unless he slash i pay extra for quick shipping. i hope we'd do that. i assume our wife would be worth it. we DID marry her#being called straight is one thing. being called married is another. but being called a BAD HUSBAND...? that i will not stand for#i thought these companies were supposed to know all my demographic information. WEAK
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Wangxian prompt: They see each other constantly. Like, maybe they're neighbors, or is a "my kid's teacher" situation. Maybe they meet at the bus stop, or work in the same company but different offices. So they're aware of each other and they exchange glances, maybe little inside-joke smiles about things they both notice. They see each other being brave, competent, kind, so so handsome. And when they actually talk to each other months later the first thing they say is "Marry me" and "Yes"
ooh!! this sounds like a lot of fun, i love it so much. i think office workers would be the best bc then we can contrast the banality of the rest of their lives to the quirkiness of their relationship so to speak.
okay so it all started when lwj decided that he wanted to eat breakfast on his apartment balcony
he takes his bowl and goes to sit in the chair outside and he’s prepared to just enjoy the cool morning air but when he looks up he sees a man sitting on the balcony exactly opposite his
wwx, by some strange luck, has the apartment across the street, and always goes outside to try and wake up bc he is not a morning person at all and the 9-5 job is killer for someone who likes to go to sleep at like three in the morning
anyway, lwj looks up and sees this kinda cute guy just sitting on the floor miserably blinking at the rising sun and is like oh weird and tries not to stare too much
but after that first time lwj sees him, he starts seeing mystery balcony dude everywhere, like everywhere and no amount of not staring is gonna save him
he goes down to his favourite cafe to get a cup of tea after breakfast and while he’s enjoying his tea and reading the newspaper he hears someone laugh loudly and glances over to the muffin display to see balcony man chatting with one of the staff as he orders his own coffee
balcony man must have noticed his attention because he looks over and for a moment he looks confused but then he’s smiling brightly at lwj and it’s this absolutely amazing smile and he’s even hotter when he’s not sitting in a ratty t-shirt across the street and lwj panics, chugs the rest of his tea, and immediately leaves
he ends up arriving at the train station fifteen minutes early and is stuck awkwardly waiting while avoiding the grandma who likes showing men pictures of her granddaughter who is very beautiful and very single apparently
the train arrives and lwj gets on, finds a seat and pulls out his phone to respond to emails. then, just as the doors are about to shut, who should rush in but balcony man
he’s kinda sweaty and red but the guy makes it look good and he ends up sitting down a few metres from lwj, not that lwj notices because he’s very busy responding to his emails about how one of the teams in sales is having difficulties with one of their projects, so busy that he spends the next thirty minutes staring at the email unable to get past the second line
lwj and wwx end up getting off at the same stop and to lwj’s absolute horror they end up going to the same building
lwj tries to do the thing where you speedwalk past the person so they don’t think you’re following them but then wwx did the same thing to him so they end up arriving at the same time
they get in the elevator together, lwj near the door off to the left and balcony man in the far corner, leaning against the wall and looking down at his shoes
it’s kind of awkward but thankfully wwx gets off at the fifteenth floor - software design and tech support or something while lwj gets off at the twentieth floor - sales maybe?
he doesn’t see the man again until the end of the work day when they get into the elevator at the same time and go back down. they’re the only two people in there bc they’re working late or the stars aligned or something
and that’s just the first day. after that, every day the same thing happens and they keep seeing each other as they’re going to and from work.
but also lwj goes to do the grocery shopping and when he’s paying wwx is in the next line across and when he goes to buy new strings for his guqin wwx is already in the store buying a new mouthpiece for his dizi
this goes on for a few weeks and then one morning, while wwx is trying to shock his system into waking up and lwj is just enjoying breakfast, they hear familiar shouting: the couple downstairs is breaking up again
lwj rolls his eyes, aware that come next week they’ll be dating again, and just blocks it out when the boyfriend comes stumbling out of the building with his shirt half on and the girlfriend still yelling
he looks across the street to see what balcony man thinks of it all and sees that he’s mouthing along to the argument (it really is exactly the same speech every time but it’s incredible that he’s memorised it). lwj snorts. it’s unseemly and rude but balcony man is over there acting out the break up as well as mouthing along and it’s the funniest thing lwj’s seen all week.
wwx notices him laugh and decides to wave at him. lwj tentatively waves back and with that the magic of their relationship sets in
now when lwj goes to the cafe in the morning wwx will look around the store until he spots lwj and wave at him, and lwj will lift his mug up in greeting which always make wwx laugh
then when they get on the train, they always get seats opposite each other and while they never actually say anything, sometimes lwj will glance over to see wwx sneaking a look at him. they both blush and look away but moments later they’re doing it again
when they walk to work, lwj crosses the street so they can walk at the same pace and not have to actually be right next to each other and despite having to cross back over, wwx is always still waiting to catch the elevator with him.
now when they go up, they still don’t talk to each other but wwx always hums and lwj taps along with whatever tune he’s picked.
same thing when they go back down in the evening and catch the train back
over time it starts to become more than just staring and smiling, now when the couple downstairs breaks up, wwx will hold up like three fingers and lwj understands that balcony man thinks they’ll get back together within three days
(wwx’s always right btw)
when they go to the cafe lwj will send wwx a thumbs down if the sports mum with eight kids gets in queue first and wwx will always make hearts with his hands whenever the baristas start flirting.
when they get in the train and hear the angry businessmen argue they’re sitting there making funny faces at each other,, well wwx does and lwj just tries to keep his face blank. he usually succeeds but sometimes he smiles and wwx will always do a little victory wiggle which is honestly so cute lwj is dying
the elevator? they don’t even have to say anything. whenever a coworker they don’t like hops in they just find subtle ways to explain why they don’t like them and how
the best time was when lwj saw su she get in and immediately pulled a face like he sucked a lemon and had to try and mime “he always takes really long lunches and is really bad at sales but we can’t get rid of him because he’d whine too much and no one wants to put up with that” but he’s lwj and doesn’t really do miming. in contrast, when wen chao gets in wwx just holds up his thumb and pointer finger like he’s measuring something, and holds them only a few centimetres apart.
they both get really good at reading each other like that
when they catch the train back home it’s always really late so lwj ends up reading a book while wwx sketches and, just as lwj always holds up his books so wwx can see the cover, wwx will show lwj whatever he’s drawn
at one point in time lwj comes home and sees a stray kitten hiding in a box near the entrance to his building but he can’t take it in bc of his rabbit so instead he goes out onto his balcony and just points straight down and holds up a cardboard box he has in his own apartment
without even hesitating wwx goes downstairs and crosses the street, still dressed in his pyjamas, and takes the kitten home.
lwj kinda expected wwx to take the kitten to a shelter or something but within a month their morning routine changes to allow a kitten to climb all over wwx as he tries to wake up and it’s ridiculously adorable but also lwj is sitting there in absolute awe of how good balcony man is to just take in a stray like that
there’s probably a few other scenes, like wwx and lwj going out to a dinner with their teams and they get seated at nearby tables and end up sending each other commiserating smiles whenever the conversation gets particularly dull and the time when lwj gets caught by the well-meaning grandma who always tries to set people up with her granddaughter on the train and he taps out sos in morse code and wwx just replies rip and stares out the window for the rest of the trip
anyway this is getting a bit long so im going to say jump forward a year (doesn’t have to be a year i guess). they’re still enjoying this whole thing they’ve got going on and they know each other so well that when lwj sees wwx some mornings he knows to go to the cafe early and order an extra strong coffee for wwx and wwx will sometimes sketch pictures of rabbits when lwj seems a bit annoyed after work
(wwx will fold them into paper aeroplanes and throw them across the train to lwj and lwj always takes them home and flattens them back out and then shows them to his rabbit before before putting them up on the fridge)
one day the trains break down and they’re stuck waiting at the station in the morning and for once lwj feels genuinely sad that he might not get to work on time. like work is whatever but he doesn’t want to miss out on the half an hour on the train with balcony man and the way they speedwalk to see who can get to the office first and the awkward waiting outside the elevators where wwx bounces up and down and lwj taps out a rhythm against his thigh until wwx notices and starts humming along
but then he notices wwx walking over to him. he seems kinda nervous, hesitating at first but he puts on a confident smile and saunters over and lwj is panicking because they haven’t done this before and he doesn’t know what to do
wwx opens his mouth - he’s going to make the first move and ask out his mystery man, but then lwj takes one look at wwx, who’s standing right next to him and it feels different to all the other times they’ve been together, and he panics
wwx barely manages to open his mouth to say good morning when lwj blurts out will you marry me?
wwx blinks, blushes bright red, and immediately goes yes! (it’s a bit too loud and people around them turn to stare but neither of them notice)
lwj immediately whips out his phone and sends in an email saying that he’s taking a sick day and after he sends it off, he slips his phone back into his pocket, takes wwx’s hand in his and asks him what’s your name?
it takes wwx like fifteen minutes to stop laughing by which time they’re back at their cafe and this time, they both sit down at a table after ordering their drinks and it’s the baristas making hearts with their hands at them
#Anonymous#wangxian#wei wuxian#lan wangji#mdzs#modao zushi#mo dao zu shi#asks#my aus#cql#the untamed#anon i hope this turned out alright!!#i loved your prompt so much and i wanted to do justice to it#i was thinking it was gonna be short but it ended up being really long too ):#or not a sad face if you like long answers?#who knows!!#but i had a lot of fun!#i didnt get much into the brave & competent thing bc i wanted to create a disconnect between their normal jobs and these moments they share#also?? they'd probably have to talk if they saw each other up close so rip the logistics
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Begin Again
a Mathew Barzal song fic
a/n: a one shot based on “Begin Again” by Taylor Swift. obviously I don’t own any of Taylor Swift’s music/lyrics! I’m not even a big Swiftie anymore (edited: lol dying bc I wrote that before she released folklore and evermore and sucked me RIGHT back in) but I love her “Red” album and always listen to it in the fall. also, the NYC traffic/parking/location situation in this is purely fantasy BS, lol.
summary: Mat Barzal meets Hayden Parker (fictional) in a coffee shop, and they start something new.
warnings: swearing. talk of a concussion/migraines/weight loss — otherwise, complete and total fluff.
______
With a deep breath, you glanced at your reflection in the mirror hanging near your front door before you left your Brooklyn apartment. You hadn’t worn these heels for several seasons now — he hadn’t liked it when you wore high heels. You had let his opinions — on your clothes, shoes, music, books, movies, and friends — dictate how you lived for too long. You smirked now, admiring how the pointed-toe snakeskin stilettos looked paired with your raw cut black jeans and silky pink blouse. He would’ve hated this look (“too gaudy,” he would have said), which made you love it that much more.
You popped in one AirPod and flipped the inside lock on your door before pulling it closed. You made your way down the hall as the lyrics started to flow.
There is a young cowboy, he lives on the range
His horse and his cattle are his only companions...
You fought the urge to roll your eyes thinking about your former flame’s constant unwarranted comments about this classic ballad which often wafted through your apartment from the record player in the living room.
“I don’t get this song — like, is he singing to himself?” he would ask. You never bothered to tell him the real background and meaning — you loved the song, and you got it. You always had.
Emerging from the main entrance of your building, you hummed along to melodies from your favorite playlist, and walked the three or so blocks to your destination. Soon, you were stepping in from the bustle of the street to find solace in an only-slightly less busy coffee shop, one you had come to frequent because of its location — sandwiched within the six blocks between your apartment and the fashion magazine where you were interning this semester.
“Hi, one large double shot mocha, please?” you requested, stepping up after the man in front of you paid for his order. You tapped your AirPod to pause your music, just in time to hear: “Nice shoes.”
You lifted your head and glanced toward the pick-up section of the counter, where a classically handsome man in his twenties stood donning a well-tailored navy blue suit. Your heart lurched in your chest as you realized he was looking straight at you.
“Me?” you inquired softly, just to be sure, as you slipped your bank card back into your wallet. He nodded, smiling. “Yes, you. Nice shoes.”
You bit your lip involuntarily, slowly walking his way to wait on your coffee. “Thanks. You’ve got nice style yourself,” you complimented, and you were surprised by your own boldness in that moment. Something about his confidence made you confident, too. And something about his model good looks seemed unsettlingly familiar somehow.
He extended his hand as you took your position next to him. “I’m Mat,” he greeted. You couldn’t help but smile, nearly breathless from his innate charm.
“Hi, Mat,” you replied, engaging his handshake. “I’m Hayden.”
“Hayden. Pretty name for a pretty girl,” Mat mused, holding onto your hand for just a moment longer than was customary. You knew it was silly — God, was it silly — but you felt yourself blush at his flattery.
“Large Americano,” a barista called out. Mat stepped forward, thanking her and stuffing a bill — you couldn’t help but notice that it was a large one — into the tip jar atop the glass pastry display. He turned back to you as he unfastened the lid and blew gently on his coffee. Another thing you couldn’t help but notice — his perfect pink lips.
“So, Hayden, are you a native New Yorker?”
Hmm, you thought. Why isn’t he running for the door after getting his drink? You decided to play along, feeling more daring than you had in ages.
“I am not,” you confessed. “I’m from Maine, actually.”
“Ah, still an East Coast girl,” Mat remarked with a grin. “I’m from the West — near Vancouver.”
You arched your brows. “Wow, Canadian, huh?” Mat chuckled.
“Born and raised. You know what they say, though: opposites attract,” he commented, hazel eyes piercing into you even as he took a cautious sip from his cup. You studied his face — he seemed more familiar with each word he spoke.
“They do say that, don’t they?” you retorted, skirting his inference. Just then, the barista set your mocha on the counter.
“Thank you so much,” you said, also pushing a tip into the jar, thankful that Mat’s attention was on grabbing a cup sleeve from the island nearby instead of on the much smaller bills you had to offer the staff.
You turned toward the island, too, reaching for the cinnamon. Mat offered you a sleeve as if it was second nature, and you graciously accepted, trying to relax the muscles on your face that seemed to have permanently turned upward into a smile since you’d been in the man’s presence.
Suddenly, you gasped.
“Islanders,” you whispered under your breath as Mat watched you stir your cinnamon into your drink. He froze.
“What?” he asked with a nervous laugh, wondering if he had heard you correctly. Your eyes darted around, making sure no one within earshot was paying attention.
“You play for the Islanders. Right?” you asked softly. He nodded, silent, ducking his head a bit; you began to backpedal.
“Oh, God... I didn’t mean - I, uh... I promise I’m not like a hockey fangirl, or anything,” you choked out, cheeks flushed. Your hands started to shake slightly as you replaced the lid on your to-go cup. “I just, uh, my brother. My brother played hockey. He always talked about you, and, uh, I just realized that that’s why I recognized you.” You winced.
“This... this isn’t as weird as it sounds, I swear,” you insisted. “It’s just that, my brother played in the Q. He was good, and, uh, I knew about all the other good hockey players, because of him.”
Mat’s demeanor had quickly changed — from slightly uncomfortable to giddy. He was smirking at you while you sputtered, taking a sort of masochistic pleasure in watching you squirm. His grin was infectious.
“What’s your last name?” he asked when you finally stopped talking. “Parker,” you responded, the two of you stepping away from the island and taking up residence near the front windows of the cafe.
“Parker... Parker,” he repeated. You were distracted by how good your name sounded falling from his tongue. Then, he gasped, too.
“Oh shit, your brother’s Nick Parker? Damn, how’s he doing?”
Your brow quirked as you watched the light flicker on in his eyes when he pieced it together. A National Hockey League star recognized your brother’s name, your name. What the hell was happening?
You cleared your throat, attempting to come back into orbit. “Uh, yeah, he’s good now. He, uh... it was a battle there for a couple years. He had migraines every day for about 16 months... lost a lot of weight. It was... it was tough,” you told him, your voice lowering noticeably. Mat watched you carefully, concern written all over his striking features. It was evident that Mat knew your brother’s story.
Your older brother Nick had been a top 20 prospect in the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League as a teen, playing forward for the Halifax Mooseheads. But after a nasty late hit during a playoff game, he had been left with a debilitating concussion and, after a long period of unsuccessful rehab, had been forced to walk away from the game just as he was entering his prime.
Those troubling days hung like a thick, black fog over your family’s history, and you suddenly recalled being 15 again, cross-legged outside Nick’s bedroom door for hours, begging him to let you into the dark room to hold onto him as he cried, both because of the pain and because of the weight of his unrealized dreams. It had taken countless neurologist appointments, physical therapy, and your parents’ unwavering insistence that he regularly see a sports psychologist for him to return to some semblance of normalcy after a long road to recovery.
Now, minus the occasional treatable migraine, Nick was thriving. You beamed at the thought, your well-polished black nail picking at the corner of the cup sleeve on your mocha as you looked back to Mat and continued.
“But he’s finishing law school now, seeing a therapist and keeps himself in great shape, which helps. He’s getting married next summer to this great girl,” you finished, pride swelling in your chest at how far your brother had come. Mat’s eyebrows lifted, his worried expression morphing into elation.
“No shit!” he exclaimed. “Damn, I’m so happy for him. Tell you what, lotta guys wanted nothing to do with him when he was tearing it up. And we were all gutted for him after it happened.” You gave him a grateful smile.
“Thanks,” you said softly. “I’ll have to let him know you said that.” Mat nodded, then pressed on. “Maybe I’ll get the chance to tell him myself one day,” he added brazenly, casually taking another sip.
No response came to your brain, so you curled your fingers around your own cup and took a long draw, eyes darting to the activity outside the window, Mat’s never leaving your unsure face.
The church bells chiming from a nearby steeple were the only thing that could pull Mat’s gaze from you, as he checked his large-face Rolex. He seemed angered by the time staring back at him, and he ran his hand aggressively through his hair as his eyes rolled just slightly.
“Listen, Hayden, I hate to do this,” Mat began with a sigh. “But we’ve got a game in Pittsburgh tomorrow night, and the team plane leaves in like half an hour.”
You’re surprised by how deflated you feel in that instant, casting a downward glance at the shoes Mat had complimented only minutes ago, before you’d started feeling like maybe you’d known him your whole life.
A quiet, “Oh,” was all you could muster, still not meeting his eyes.
His hand then came to rest on your upper arm, and it’s only then that you noticed how big it was, long fingers curling easily around your bicep.
“But hey... I’ll be back late tomorrow night. Whaddya say we grab coffee here the next morning? Wednesday. Maybe 8?”
You turned your eyes upward to take in his face. He looked hopeful. He was hopeful that he’d see you again.
You nodded. “I’d love to, Mat. I’ll meet you here.”
Mat beamed, a relieved breath falling from his lips. “Good,” he commented. “I’ll see you then.” He leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek, leaving you reeling when he pulled away.
“Bye, pretty Hayden,” Mat said with a wink before turning and exiting the coffee shop, walking down the block to the Cadillac he’d just unlocked. He was still in sight when he glanced over his shoulder and threw you another breathtaking grin. You smiled back, frozen in place as you watched him drive away.
_____
Mat was going to be late.
At least, that’s what you had convinced yourself at some point within the last 48 hours.
He was either going to be late or he was going to stand you up altogether. So even though you woke up at 5:30 and initially felt the need to rush through your routine to get down to the coffee shop as quickly as possible, you didn’t. You forced yourself to slow down. Because Mat was going to be late. Or, he wasn’t going to be there at all.
So you were surprised when, after throwing on a red chiffon dress with tiny white flowers and a cognac leather jacket, you walked through the coffee shop door at 8:02 and heard, “Hayden!”
Your head snapped up.
At a corner table in the back of the shop was Mat, dressed in a smart grey sweater and distressed black jeans, a silver chain looped around his neck, standing to wave you over with a broad smile across his face.
He came. And he’d arrived before you did.
You walked over to Mat and he embraced you warmly, the two of you exchanging kisses on the cheek. He squeezed your elbow affectionately as you stepped back from him.
“Oh, here. Let me,” Mat said as he pulled your chair out and motioned for you to sit.
“Thank you,” you said quietly, his chivalry catching you by surprise. Once you were seated, he pushed your chair in slightly before taking his place across the table from you.
“I got you a mocha,” he told you, nodding at the cup in front of you. “Double shot, right?”
You nodded. “You’re sweet. Thank you,” you said, the two of you beaming at each other for a moment, lost in a daze.
“So how was the game?” you inquired, pulling you both back to earth. Mat cleared his throat before answering you.
“It was good! We won. It’s usually a tough battle with them but we kinda dominated, which was nice for a change,” he spoke, looking pleased.
“You score?” you asked teasingly as you sipped from your cup.
“Uh, yeah, actually,” he told you with a nervous chuckle, scratching the back of his head. “Two goals and an assist.”
Your eyebrows lifted on your forehead. “Mat, that’s amazing! So my brother was right. You are good.”
Mat shook his head, trying to shrug you off.
“Ah, nah. I kinda think it had more to do with a good luck charm I met this week,” he remarked slyly. You licked your bottom lip before biting on it gently. Mat took notice, mirroring your motions as he stared at your lips.
“So, how’s work been this week?” It was Mat’s turn to deflect.
You told him how hectic it had been, with you arriving at the office around 9 and leaving at 6 on the day you’d first met, then departing after 7 yesterday, despite it being only a part-time internship in addition to the five classes you were taking online. He asked about your combination of on-campus and online learning throughout your college career in order to accommodate your dream internships, and he was already in awe of what a hard worker you were.
You pointed out that you weren’t the only one at the table with a crazy schedule, and you asked him how he balanced hockey with his personal life. He answered you easily, launching into stories about his teammates and his family and his friends who all kept him grounded in different ways. There was one name he kept bringing up — Tito. He told you that you’d have to meet him. Before you could hesitate, you said you’d like to. His visage brightened at that answer. He reminded you of sunshine.
He continued to regale you with a vast array of stories, stopping often to ask you questions and invite you to tell him stories of your own. It took a bit of time, but soon you were opening up about your own life — your parents’ recent and shocking divorce after 30 years of marriage, and your struggle with your grandmother’s death last fall.
It wasn’t all dark, though. In fact, most of it wasn’t. You also told him about the crazy theater actor roommate you’d had when you first moved into the city to study fashion at NYU, and how her frightening antics had eventually pushed you into accepting your uncle’s offer to pay for your own apartment in the city, as he was single and childless and had always delighted in spoiling you and your brother. You told him about your only two cousins on your dad’s side, two siblings bracketing you and your brother in age, and how the four of you were more like siblings than cousins. You told a slightly off-color joke at your own expense that most of your friends and coworkers would never laugh at, but it left Mat breathless, throwing his head back with boyish giggles flowing from his mouth like your favorite song. This caught you off-guard — you couldn’t believe he actually seemed to think you were funny. The last one certainly never did.
At some point, the conversation shifted to music. Mat’s jaw dropped when you told him that you own every James Taylor album on vinyl, after he told you that that’s one of his favorite artists of all time. He said he’s never met anyone who has as many James Taylor records as you. You simply shrugged. You explained that you and your mom have seen every tour James Taylor has been on since you were eleven and had started playing guitar. Mat’s eyes went wide — he told you that he dabbles in guitar, too.
After this, you quieted a bit. He noticed. It comes off to him as shyness, but you know what it really is. It’s fear. All at once you realize just how far you’ve let your guard down with this stranger. You’ve only just met this person, yet you have more in common with him than anyone you’ve encountered since moving into the city.
He sensed that something was off, so, in the silence, he reached a hand across the table and took yours in his grasp, stroking the back of it with his thumb. You looked into his mesmerizing eyes, and your hesitance melted.
After several more minutes of easy conversation, you check the time. You need to be at work in ten minutes.
“I’m sorry to be the one to break this up this time,” you started, and Mat sat back, looking understanding though disappointed. “But I’ve gotta get to work. Thankfully, it’s just right down the street.”
“Let me walk you,” Mat quickly insisted. You smirked at him, digging in your purse to find your office key.
“Didn’t you drive here?” you asked, chuckling. He simply shrugged. “Yeah, but if pretty Hayden works just down the street, I might as well walk her to the office and spend a few extra minutes with her,” he told you with a smug grin. You felt your cheeks get hot.
“Sounds good to me,” you admitted quietly. Mat nodded, then rose from his chair, reaching for his wallet to leave another tip.
“Thank you,” you said, putting your hand on his forearm tenderly. “For the coffee. For this.”
He smiled down at you. “You’re welcome,” he replied.
The two of you walked out the cafe door, which Mat pushed open even from behind you. You pointed in the direction of your office building and the two of you fell into step, side by side. Your heart leapt when Mat reaches for your hand. It felt unbelievably natural — which terrified you.
Your recent relationship history flashed through your brain all at once, like a film reel. Your brain screamed, “Slow down!” while your heart whispered, “Relax.” You weren’t sure which to believe. You opened your mouth to bring him up, to give a fair warning, to tell Mat that you might not be ready for... whatever this was.
Then, he started to talk about the movies that his family watches every single Christmas. You weren’t at all sure what had brought that subject to his mind — maybe your earlier questions about his younger sister back in Coquitlam — but you’re grateful for the diversion from your own messy mind. You decided to engage him on that topic instead, rather than bring up your last boyfriend who’d shattered you then walked away.
And for the first time in eight months, you decided to leave what’s past, in the past.
Like a pinball machine, Mat had already bounced to yet another new topic — his practice later this morning. As he finished a story about pranking Tito in the locker room after a skate last week, you bubbled over with giggles. He watched you with admiration and wonder coursing through his entire being. You eventually observed how he was gazing at you, and you sensed that he had something more important to say than his joke on his teammate.
“Hey, so, uh,” Mat started, clearing his throat. Your suspicion had been correct. “What are you doing tomorrow night, after work? We have a home game tomorrow at 7:30 and I, uh, I wanted to see if maybe... you wanted to go? I requested a ticket for you... just in case you want it. If you do... I was thinking maybe we could grab dinner after?”
The sentences Mat spoke seemed to be rolled into one giant question mark. His unwavering self-assurance had seemed to falter slightly for the first time since you’d met him, surprising you. You only needed a moment to consider your answer.
“I’d love to come watch you play,” you told him, wrapping your hands around his upper arm affectionately. You watched him exhale, a smile slowly overtaking his face.
“Thank God,” Mat breathed, making you both burst into hysterics as he leaned his head down to touch yours for a moment.
Bewilderment overcame you as you realized that you hadn’t felt this way about anyone in... you couldn’t even remember how long. You’d thought it might never happen again. That for you, this feeling might just be... gone.
You couldn’t believe that on a Wednesday, in a cafe, you’d watched it begin again.
#mathew barzal#mathew barzal fluff#mathew barzal one shot#mathew barzal song fic#mathew barzal imagine#mathew barzal fanfiction#mathew barzal fanfic#mathew barzal fic#mat barzal#mat barzal fluff#mat barzal one shot#mat barzal song fic#mat barzal imagine#mat barzal fanfiction#mat barzal fanfic#mat barzal fic#hockey writing#hockeyblr#hockey one shot#hockey imagine#hockey fanfiction#hockey fanfic#hockey fic#nhl writing#nhl#nhl one shot#nhl imagine#barzal#hockey#hockey fluff
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Re: Tan France getting married at 26 bc utah: as a gay 24 year old exmormon who lives in utah: yeah, that's normal here. It's A Thing
It seemed weird, but then I remembered that Utah is weird. God, if I for some reason moved there and stuck to my plan to not get married before 30 I’d be fucking ancient, huh? Anyways I finished the book yesterday and I have thoughts.
•Every time someone from a country with a functional healthcare system talks about the US like we’re all morons who just decided out of the blue to live like this, they owe me $30 so I can pay my deductible. “Why do you have this system” I mean, I could tell you, but I don’t think you’re actually asking me to tell you about historical wage caps and the need for companies to compete with each other to provide benefits that discouraged our government from setting up its own healthcare system for so long. I know he lives here now and is thus affected by it, but it still bugs me when people talk in that smug “oh aren’t Americans stupid for not having a functional health system” tone.
•Tan. My dude. I’ve met English guys, y’all aren’t that much fancier than we are. Y’all eat fish on the street, don’t act like you’ve all got perfect table manners all the time
•Americans can also say “oh really” sarcastically, Mr. France, it’s not a special British thing
•a very defensive section about how he’s terrified that everyone online will hate the outfits he picks out adds to my belief that he needs therapy. Like this is a very public facing career for someone who’s terrified of the public.
•”ask your friends where they shop if you like their style” yeah I know where they shop, it’s just that I wear size 16 pants and 14-16 dresses and they all wear like a size 6, even if the shops sold a full range we still have different body shapes and heights and proportions.
•Tan seems to forget that gay women exist sometimes. Lots of sections talking to straight men, or gay men, or straight women. Let’s get him a lesbian friend
•actually I think he needs some anxiety meds. It’s like, a big issue in his life here
•he watches 30 rock every day??? every single day??????????
anyways it was a pretty good audiobook, I enjoyed it, and I enjoyed even more that it didn’t have a 12 week waitlist like Jonathan Van Ness’s audiobook
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So just because I wanted to explain more what the exposing bloggers said about Hendall to really show you all how and why that PR was actually a pretty convincing one I’ll create this post:
So as you all know (unless you are a Haylor stan or just blind) Haylor was always a PR from beginning to end. I mean it was pretty obvious a n y w a y it wasn’t a good PR, at all and well 1Ds team couldn’t let another Haylor-like mishap happen, again. Now as you all know Kris (Kendall’s momager) never, never, misses a chance to further their wealth and relevancy even if it means manipulating her own children’s life. She is a master at it and well honestly I think she’s in a way addicted to it. Kendall was building her relevancy in the modeling world but she still needed more. So what better way then to link her to some super popular pop star 🌟 I mean y’all remember Kendall trying to get it with JB? It was all Kris’ mastermind. That didn’t happen though but that’s a whole other story and honestly idc too much bc JB is happily married to the one person who actually really does love him. Again I’m not getting into that. So who else was a very popular pop star at that time? None other than Mr. Styles, 1D was at it’s peak and it was a match made in PR heaven.
So why did it seem so believable and why was it much more successful than Haylor? Welllllll because they never confirmed it, ever. A huge hugely popular trick used. Anyone fish? Tease them about it and they’ll bite into it and you’ll hook them. That’s exactly what they did. They teased with little details and photos and insider exclusives (which is really code for their management or themselves) also known as sources.
11/2013 - Dinner @ Craig’s
Now let’s start with the location first: Craig’s. Literally that’s the restaurant celebrities go to, to get papped. If you don’t want to be papped on your very secretive date you don’t go to Craig’s. Anyway photos surfaced and boom rumors started and then the denying began, the teasing. A “source” denied and said they were “just friends”, K tweeted that she was single and H denied yet teased about it and hook line and sinker, you bit into it and now they got you.
1/2014 - Ski trip
A ski trip in which a “source” said that they were very couple-y and flirty with one another. Now tell me who could possibly be so close that they would know how they acted with one another? Anyway. Ski trip aside they “break up” the next month bc of conflicting schedules or some bs like that and blah blah blah 🙄
12/2015- The Yatch
Conveniently this “vacation date/reunion of lovers” happened right after K had been hospitalized for exhaustion. (Cough rehab cough) and well H was still dealing with his very much speculating sexuality rumors and the release of the new album amid Zayns departure and the hiatus. Perfect timing for both participants and tada! Dinner and Yatch, both very very common PR stunts. Show me a celebrity couple who hasn’t done a Yatch PR stunt? Or a beach one? It’s like a must do for PRs. Yet again a source came out saying that they have something going on for a while (teasing you yet again and trapping you). No one questioned why K was hospitalized and well H continued to be relevant and clearly not gay.
1/2016
Big sis Koko comes to the call as she teases everyone once again about the potential of Hendall being real. Let’s not forget Ellen who also teased all by saying how sweet they are and how she likes them both together. End of Jan had them both attend Jeff’s party, which they did not arrive or leave together. The Kardashian/Jenners are pretty good friends with the Azoffs so it’s no wonder they would be invited and well Harry as you know is buds with the guy and his stepdad was there as well.
4/2016
Shopping photo arises. No knowledge of where or when. Oddly enough yet it still gets your attention. News outlets legit say “If it’s Harry and Kendall ..” still very much keeping the mystery and teasing you by not confirming but still intriguing you. K was battling rumors of her supposed relationship with Clarkson around that time too coincidentally. Once again a source comes forward stating how much K likes H but aren’t committed bc well he’s your typical rockstar. Pushing the whole Womanizer rockstar image hm? How original.
9/2016
K and Clarkson rumors persist, so K&H are allegedly spotted having dinner. Where a source states how happy and beaming K looked. Allegedly.
4/2017
H teases by saying some of his songs were inspired by a recent relationship. Using the word She, speculations continue and the intrigue is once again there and obviously he’s straight bc he wrote songs about a she.
5/2019
Met Gala: they reunite and are one of the last two to leave. Well obviously, Harry was a host. They were seen leaving minutes apart but not together. They partied at the same after party and left together. K’s manager never rests and neither does H’s.
12/2019
Then we have the Late Late Show and the silly game of eat your guts or spill your guts. In which H refused to answer what songs were about K and in which many said both were very flirty and at ease with one another.
2/2020
The Brits. Pretty hard to not notice either with their very vibrant attires. But alas not much was really taken out of that
Then finally we have the really odd and out of place interaction during COVID-19. K with her rumored beau in a purple car while H rides his motorcycle. Like why? That just made zero sense honestly. Anyway we all know H needed proof that he was in LA well bc all the rumors going around and well K just needed to stay relevant. Still weird af.
So here’s the thing about this PR unlike other PRs, H &’ K actually became really good friends, like genuinely. They get along pretty well. So any stunt made wasn’t unbearable to them as it would have been if they’d been stuck with someone else. They’re comfortable with each other (as friends) making their interactions seem genuine. The LLS was just them being friends, the reason Harry decidedly ate cod sperm (don’t forget the whole to spit or swallow thing) wasn’t because he didn’t want to admit what songs were about K but bc none of the songs are about K. I mean how embarrassing would that be if he actually said that? In the Met Gala it was two friends being friends and having fun. The Yatch PDA was clearly staged and weird, I mean wtf was up with H’s fascination with her feet? Anyway there’s more in between the timelines but most of it were just alleged information given by sources ie: K throwing H a Bday gig or their supposed dinner date in which the source states K was beaming. Again no proof (photo or video) yet a source comes out once again teasing and keeping the mystery of it all keeping you in the edge wondering if it is or isn’t.
And that my lovelies is the reality of Hendall, so go forth with what you want with this. Believe don’t believe, up to you. The proof is out there.
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fuck it b.tb s/i lore dump
(EXTREMELY long post under the cut. sincerely. genuinely. i wrote a novel. also, spoilers)
born Jane Child (in some legal documents its spelled as Jane C.hilde cause yknow how spelling was just straight up not standardized back then) sometime in the late 1400s (the date im using is 1490 but that could change very easily.
mildly poor family, not exactly peasants but tradesmen by birth. blacksmiths, carpenters, etc.
bc their family was yknw. lower class. they started studying/training to work very early on since it was necessary for them to help support their family since they very likely wouldnt get much from marrying. so between like 11-14 years old they started studying under a local midwife and eventually became apprenticed to her.
eventually became pretty good at it and started doing it on their own in early adulthood. became known as trustworthy, clean, and supportive.
married at around eighteenISH. to a man named nicholas fletcher, who was (huge surprise) a generational arrowmaker. his family had passed down a shop... or something.. for generations.
they were definitely bi and nb the entire time but bc of the restrictions of the era they never reaaaally realized it. jane and nicholas were never really. in love. there was no hate or anything they cared about each other very much but they were more best friends than anything else. in fact they probably never actually said i love you to each other like. ever.
bore a son that same year, who would be named bartholomew fletcher. barty for short :-)
stuff happens etc etc and they eventually get Ye Olde 15th Century Callout Post and accused of beign a witch by a noblewoman and was executed for it aroooouuund 1511-1516ish.
these next few points will be presented in greentext format bc i think its the funniest possible way to explain it
>be me, simple english midwife wrongly executed for witchcraft >spend the next several centuries in a dreamless slumber underground >wake up randomly one day >whole council of Shadowy Figures is standing over me >they explain ive been chosen for a "special purpose" and its an "honor" >mfw
>they ask me if ill go to the surface to find some dude they claim used to work for him but went insane and got too "dangerous to the veil" to keep around >dont understand but say okay anyway cause anything is better than being underground any longer >get up there, everything is weird and bright and different now >realize i have weird burns on my face from being burnt at the FUCKING stake >they (the shadow figures) told me no one can know what im doing so find a passable mask in a thrift shop >random child is walking on the street alone, apparently lost >help her home bc im dead, not a bad person >disappear before her mom sees >days pass, im at the city center >drew up my own wanted posters for the guy bc i have no clue where else to start >a group of people starts staring at me >look to see why >its the same FUCKING child i walked home days ago >she recognized the dumbass mask >whyaretheyinclownmakeup.jpeg >runaway.jpeg >think i escaped cleanly but they find me from the wanted poster >try to think of a lie on the spot but instead i claim im a janitor >a janitor. at a park. >claim the guy was wanted for trespassing and being a general nuisance >they seem to buy the story and leave >FINALLY find the bastard whos behind all this >pull out the magic bigass chain i got given by the Creepy Shadow People >thisisntevenmyfinalform.jpeg >he pulls out an even bigger hammer >ohfuck.jpeg >he homeruns me through a goddamn WALL. >end up landing next to the same weird clownpeople who almost figured me out the first time >apparently the guy merked their boss ??? >explain the story to them and theyre weirdly cool about it >decide to take a psychological approach, go back down underground and ask for the fun special book with everyones entire life story in it >ohoho ive got you now motherfucker. >random puppet seller or something who died alone, who cares >wait whos that >ohfuckpart2.jpeg >guy isnt a rogue agent at all, the new HBIC is the person who murdered him and they dont want him to be a problem for them. >struggle morally >find him again, try to explain whats going on and convince him hes in danger >he is not having it >the big fucking hammer is back again. >fuck this, time to activate my special ability: Big Ass Fucking Wrecking Ball >cold wind blows >the HBIC has arrived. >says i took too long so now theyre doing it themself. >pent up rage at wrongful execution 500 years ago builds up >guess i didnt deal with that trauma as well as i thought >animefight.jpeg >literally kill death themself. >shadow people come back to drag me back underground >wait no, theyre actually asking me if i want to be death now since i killed them >or i can go back underground and sleep peacefully for the rest of time and dream of my former life >show me what will happen if i choose to take the scythe >looks boring and lonely as shit to do for the rest of forever >show me my ex-husband and son who i will dream of if i go back >really struggle with it >remember that guy i was hired to find >remember clownpeople i bonded with while hunting his ass >god it has to be lonely for him to be the only dead guy walking on earth huh. >fine.jpeg >everyone is shocked to see me come back >they were sure i was gonna peace out after that bullshit >lolno.jpeg >tell dude hes stuck with my annoying ass now >he acts super irritated with it >end up spending time around him because our jobs cross paths >hes kinda funny in a mildly frightening way >deliberately spend more time around him because its not like theres anyone else around >shit hes kinda cool >shit hes kinda hot in a dead guy way what do i do, i think im in love with him now.
#paperheart.txt#god i have to . tag this now#parental death tw#death ment tw#ask 2 tag#i feel ike theres probably more but idk what else would need tagged so#childbirth tw#????#s/i: jane fletcher
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All the numbers
fuck you
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
uH MY CLOSE FRIEND LMAO? 2. Are you outgoing or shy?
lowkey both?? im more shy but if i know the person im incredibly outgoing 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
MY LOWKEY GF4. Are you easy to get along with?
oft no 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
YEP6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
ppl who are kind !! also ppl who could either break me or love me 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
,, hopefully8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
,,, can i say keaton henson bc his music makes me sob9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
no but depending w who lmao :””^10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
mm i think my friend from school abt shitty people ngl 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
”do you think it’d be a good idea for me to run and get tea right now”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
ok jeez
1. cherry bomb - the runaways (wow, original)
2. all of sevdalizas songs ever
3. blood // water - grandson
4. charger - gorillaz
5. pools - glass animals
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
YESYEYSYESYEYSYES. fuck yes.14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
mhm!!15. What good thing happened this summer?
err i mean, if u count summer as past summer then convincing my dang dad that i dont wanna stay at my shitty school lmao?? 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
depends on what kind of kiss !! but ye!!17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
pfft, absolutely 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
,,, i dont think so tbh19. Do you like bubble baths?
HELL YE I DO20. Do you like your neighbors?
ngl i dont rly talk to them but they seem Nice21. What are your bad habits?
if i dont know someone all too well i tend to joke around w them?? idk its weird but i kinda get annoyed easy as well,, altho another bad habit is my flaky ass backing out of events sometimes22. Where would you like to travel?
i’d love to ,,, travel to scotland or france23. Do you have trust issues?
oh boy i do24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
going the hell to sleep again and wrapping myself up25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
every part w scars lmao26. What do you do when you wake up?
take my dang meds27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
,, idk?? i like my skin tbh but it could clear tf up28. Who are you most comfortable around?
my sister29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
nope :””^ 30. Do you ever want to get married?
yes!!31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
ye lmao32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
,,, IM 16 LETS NOT GO HERE33. Spell your name with your chin.
aki34. Do you play sports? What sports?
i work out but i dont play sport lmao35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
without tv, music is my lifeblood36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
almost always37. What do you say during awkward silences?
i try to joke abt smth usually38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
someone who cares for me smh39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
T2, I LOVE TEA,,, 40. What do you want to do after high school?
university or nap 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
yes!! unless they’re super shitty42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
i’m nervous, anxious or overthinking43. Do you smile at strangers?
i try to ??44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
oo fuck outer space ty45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
,, honestly talking to lovely ppl46. What are you paranoid about?
people abandoning me or being completely alone and shut in and just,, closed away from the world47. Have you ever been high?
tba48. Have you ever been drunk?
not rly lmao i have a high tolerance 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
,, UM,,, lowkey yes50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
olive51. Ever wished you were someone else?
before, yes. now? nah, i’m pretty good 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
highkey wish i was less anxious 24/7
53. Favourite makeup brand?
NARS. nars. or kat von d altho i hate what she stands for
54. Favourite store?
T255. Favourite blog?
,, idk? 56. Favourite colour?
blue / green!!57. Favourite food?
creme brulee58. Last thing you ate?
a rly good double cheese burger59. First thing you ate this morning?
croissant60. Ever won a competition? For what?
knowledge of novels for school!! or art wise, i’ve won a few comps inside our school61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
nope62. Been arrested? For what?
nada63. Ever been in love?
smh i fall in love,, way to easily64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
,, jeez i hate the person who it was with, but it was underneath the harbour bridge after chocolate strawberries and a picnic,, she asked if she could kiss me and i said yes65. Are you hungry right now?
jfc not rly im super content tbh66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
no @official-akko is a binch (im kidding i love u)67. Facebook or Twitter?
fb68. Twitter or Tumblr?
tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?
nope but i was watching law and order svu 70. Names of your bestfriends?
beauty, my cat71. Craving something? What?
cuddling someone and gently lying my head on their chest 72. What colour are your towels?
white!!72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
3 binch73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
yes!!74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
on my bed is 2, but i think at least 5+ around 75. Favourite animal?
i love,, cats,,,, so fucking much 76. What colour is your underwear?
wouldn’t u like to know77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
mm cookies and cream?79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
dark bluuee80. What colour pants?
grey81. Favourite tv show?
right now its between brooklyn 99 and stranger things82. Favourite movie?
i will never stop loving mulan or the princess diaries 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
mean girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
mean girls i guess 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
,, janis ian86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
uh the turtle smh87. First person you talked to today?
ash!! 88. Last person you talked to today?
rn, its niko89. Name a person you hate?
me90. Name a person you love?
ash91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
GOD this one asshole from school i will actually brawl92. In a fight with someone?
not rly?? idk93. How many sweatpants do you have?
at least 494. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
5!!95. Last movie you watched?
legally blonde pfft96. Favourite actress?
i lowkey love madelaine petsch97. Favourite actor?
shrugs loudly98. Do you tan a lot?
no im pale af99. Have any pets?
a cat!!100. How are you feeling?
tired, coffee makes me tired101. Do you type fast?
yep!! i can touch-type too so i dont even have to look most of the time as well lmao102. Do you regret anything from your past?
waayyy too fuckin much regret over what ive done to myself 103. Can you spell well?
ye!!104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
,, my grandma :105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
nope lmao106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
,, i think i have,,, 107. Have you ever been on a horse?
yes!! i go horseriding at least four times during the year108. What should you be doing?
sleeping probably109. Is something irritating you right now?
i have a fuckin itch on my leG110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
yep,, oh boy 111. Do you have trust issues?
i already answered this lmao112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
,, my sister because i wanted her to comfort m e shes v sweet113. What was your childhood nickname?
”leash”114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
yes!!115. Do you play the Wii?
sometimes116. Are you listening to music right now?
i am, its glass animals :””^117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
yes!!118. Do you like Chinese food?
eh, iffy but i dont mind it!119. Favourite book?
THE NAME OF THE WIND BY PATRICK ROTHFUSS120. Are you afraid of the dark?
only a lil121. Are you mean?
,, i think i am sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay?
never ever ever ever is it okay.123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
yes! if not i fuckin clean em wth124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
not rly? i think love is something you have to grow and share together, kind of like a garden plant? works gotta go into it for it to blossom 125. Do you believe in true love?
i believe in it!126. Are you currently bored?
,, yea lmao127. What makes you happy?
memes, reading and tea ngl128. Would you change your name?
birthname? ye, probably lmao129. What your zodiac sign?
cancer! im an emotional fucking crab130. Do you like subway?
ye!131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
remind them im a lesbian132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
binnch this is a past question133. Favourite lyrics right now?
”Our skinIn time would tellCan I hold on to our genesIn my lifeI could not failWhen I run out will you leave?”
134. Can you count to one million?
i can but i’d loose track i have attention issues pfft135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
”i was late because my cat threw up one on of my school uniforms and i had to change”136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
closed, idk who can trust anyone that much to keep them open137. How tall are you?
5′7!138. Curly or Straight hair?
i have wavy hair if this is asking m e139. Brunette or Blonde?
blonde140. Summer or Winter?
winter141. Night or Day?
night142. Favourite month?
july bc its cold and my birth month143. Are you a vegetarian?
nooppe144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
milk chocolate!145. Tea or Coffee?
tea146. Was today a good day?
meh, highs and lows 147. Mars or Snickers?
mars148. What’s your favourite quote?
either:a. “And what we learn about ourselves in those moments, where the trigger has been squeezed, is this: the past is not dead. There are things that wait for us, patiently, in the dark corridors of our lives. We think we have moved on, put them out of mind, left them to desiccate and shrivel and blow away; but we are wrong. They have been waiting there in the darkness, working out, practicing their most vicious blows, their sharp hard thoughtless punches into the gut, killing time until we came back that way.” from Trigger Warning (Short fictions and disturbances), neil gaiman
or
b. “Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain. Classic thinking teaches us of the four doors of the mind, which everyone moves through according to their need.First is the door of sleep. Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. Sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind's way of protecting itself from pain by stepping through the first door.Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying 'time heals all wounds' is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.Third is the door of madness. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. Last is the door of death. The final resort. Nothing can hurt us after we are dead, or so we have been told.” - The name of the wind, patrick rothfuss
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
yes!! i believe that ghosts exist lmao, or at least guiding spirits 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
“… but he left his doubts unspoken. Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.” - Game of thrones lmao
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ye olde tag game
I was tagged by @got7peaches and I want to know if you came up with the title
(I think this was supposed to be fun and light but it ended up going to a really deep and verbose place so I’m putting it under the cut)
not tagging anyone cuz no one should have to read this lololol fml
how tall are you? 5′6″ and I’m not a fan... short people are cuter what color and style is your hair? red and long and curly what color are your eyes? they’re blue around the edges and green around the pupil and I know that sounds like a description straight out of “my immortal” but no I’m not making this up do you wear glasses or contacts? both but I prefer glasses do you wear braces? never have never will what is your fashion style? I don’t think I really have a “style.” That would require more money than I am willing to spend on clothes. But I love everything Claire wears so... if I could afford Claire’s style and pull it off I would dress like her when were you born? October 22 (burn this date in your mind) how old are you? 24 do you have any siblings? 2 brothers, one older one younger what school/college do you go to? this seems like tmi so I’ll just say I’m in nursing school (as if everyone didn’t know that already I never shut up about it) what kind of student are you? the worst. I’m that asshole who puts in 10% effort and turns in everything late and somehow still does ok what are your favorite subjects? anatomy was super fun (the human body is weird and amazing) but I think my favorite class I’ve ever taken was formal logic (it’s the satisfaction of completing mathematical equations with none of the actual math) what are your favorite shows? 30 rock, parks and rec, the office, community, scrubs... basically good sitcoms with 5+ seasons. I’m also a slut for reality tv (dance moms anyone?) and competition shows (great british bake-off what whaaat) what are your favorite movies? the one I always pick when I have to pick just one is when harry met sally but I am a huge cinephile and I have dozens of favorites so if you’re looking for a movie rec hmu what are your favorite books? my book choices are a lil outdated cuz all I read is fanfic lately lololol but old OLD faves are hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy, the giver, ready player one, and the hunger games series what are your favorite past times? my favorite past time is collecting past times, getting decently good at them, and then abandoning them. I’ve taught myself to play the ukulele, painting and drawing, niche board games, pottery, baking, the basics of a few languages, and a few video games here and there. The only hobbies that I’ve done consistently for several years are knitting, watching movies (specifically going to the movie theater because you can’t beat that atmosphere tbh), and writing (mostly fanfiction; I haven’t written anything original since high school). do you have any regrets? I wish I had never gone to the second university I attended... I basically wasted three years of my life in a hick town. I was miserable but I learned a lot about myself and also a lot about people and how to not be a shitty one so I guess it wasn’t a total waste. It sure felt like it though. what is your dream job? I wish I had the self-confidence to be a fiction writer full time. If I really worked hard at developing original concepts, I think I could be pretty good at it. Plus I would never have to leave my apartment and I could wear sweatpants 24/7, which is the real dream, let’s be real would you like to get married? where? I kind of flip flop on this one... sometimes I think I’d like it but then again I’m such a loner that I think I would suck at marriage sooo... my brother says I need to find someone who is as smart as me but total shit at something I’m good at, so I can take care of them and feel needed. I don’t know that marriage necessarily needs to be involved... Plus if I ever did get married I’d prob elop or only invite my immediate family sooooo do you want kids? how many? I don’t think I’d want to create life but I’d be 100% down for adopting... then again when my celeb crushes say they want kids I’m all I VOLUNTEER so who can say do you like shopping? If I magically come into extra income then yes. If I’m on a budget, shopping for something I need is like torture. The exception is always make-up/skincare. I buy myself new make-up when I’m sad. how many countries have you visited? 7, all of them European, but one of them was just for a day so I feel like it doesn’t really count. I really want to visit some Asian countries, though. what was your scariest dream? The scariest one that comes to mind was being locked in an office building with office workers and there was a serial killer-type guy in a jigsaw mask who kept turning the lights off and abducting people one by one and disfiguring their faces. No fuckin clue where that came from tbh. I’ve never even seen Saw. do you have any enemies? I’d like to think I don’t? I try really hard to treat everyone well regardless of how they treat me because I like being liked... but honestly there are a few people who hate my guts and won’t meet me halfway to reconcile sooooo yes, I guess I do. I don’t hold it against them, though. If they ever took a moment to see things from my point of view they would realize that I never meant them any harm and I’m just a flawed person, trying my best. But apologies don’t go very far with people who like to hold grudges and feel like the world is against them, so I can’t do anything about that. do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? I don’t have the energy for that. Right now, having a S/O sounds kind of terrible actually lmao they’re so much work
THIS GOT HELLA LONG I’M SORRY BLAME CLAIRE
Put your music on shuffle and list the first fifteen songs without skipping:
We Hate You Please Die - Crash and the Boys (Scott Pilgrim anyone? no? ok)
Amsterdam - Imagine Dragons (I downloaded the whole album bc I liked Radioactive but I’ve never actually listened to this song)
Green Onions - Booker T & The MG’s (idk don’t ask)
The Curse of Curves - Cute Is What We Aim For (a one hit wonder but I still know every word to this song)
All Alright - Fun.
Classic Rock Medley - The Cat’s Pajamas (a local acapella group from my high school days)
Bellas Final - the Pitch Perfect Soundtrack (ok this plus the last one is making it seem like I’m obsessed with acapella I’m really not)
East West - Herman’s Hermits (...I actually love this band don’t judge me)
Here It Goes Again - Ok Go (say what you will about the song but that video with the treadmills was iconic)
20 Dollar Nose Bleed - Fall Out Boy
Sims Holidaze - The Sims 2 Bon Voyage (I may or may not have the entire collected Sims soundtrack on my ipod...)
Lesson 4 Pronunciation - Rosetta Stone Italian Level 3 (Remember when I was fluent in Italian? yeah me neither)
Whistle (Acoustic) -Blackpink (I like the original better)
Come So Far (Got So Far To Go) - Hairspray soundtrack (ok but this whole soundtrack is a bop I forgot I used to love this)
Mowgli’s Road - Marina & the Diamonds
What have we learned? That hitting shuffle is not at all indicative of a person’s taste in music, but instead exposes their sordid musical past.
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guess whos back to talk to herself about potential *relationship drama*
aka im trying to figure out if im dating someone and i need to think out loud about this and about relationships in general
things that have happened:
snapchat streak 2 years after snapchat streaks are a big thing
always messaging each other
we eat out with just us two often enough that we just take turns splitting the bill now
when relationships are brought up w/ others around hes made comments about how his relationship style is “never making a move until its too late” or something like this. this was a while ago, i dont remember exactly.
binge watching netflix by ourselves in lecture halls
casual touch boundary (which seems to be a thing w/ most people i hang with at school) is less there. like when i get shit on my face in the shop or smth which sounds not a big deal but again i feel like i have an unconscious boundary with most people here
friend says our bickering sounds like a married couple.
being interrupted binge watching netflix in a lecture hall by media tech people. apparently his friend in media tech made the comment that “wow you had a whole lecture hall to yourselves and you didnt make a move.” he told me this and seemed like he was trying to gauge my reaction?
accidentally went out to eat at p fancy place a couple days ago because it was one of the few places open
went out for tea together yesterday
binge watching netflix/anime by ourselves at each others apartments
sometimes i hate my stupid ace mind bc i can never tell if i like someone or if im just mildly starved for affection at school. like i think i like him but the logical part of my brain just tells me how it could all go wrong in the long run, and im like well maybe its not worth. maybe you dont actually like anyone, how could you really know you don’t understand normal people attraction? or like what if its like before where he says he gets the ace thing and it still feels uncomfortably wrong? then again maybe last time it was just cuz the other guy was kinda an ass. i don’t even know where my physical boundaries would lie for a relationship anymore thinking about actually doing things weirds me out. which reminds me i should probably come out to him at some point but that always trips me up. like ive made a passing comment about not being straight and ive worn my ace ring for as long as ive known him but hes never asked? can’t people just google “black ring middle finger” so its easier to tell them? i know thats not the point of an ace ring but oh well.
maybe i should just ask if some of these are meant to be dates? cuz flat out asking someone if we were dating has gone soo well for me in the past. idk we’re both indecisive enough that if im reading things right we both might take forever to do something about it.
theres so many other issues in my life but once again it seems i focus on the relationship ones cuz they seem like the most normal type of problems
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