#it's something he hasn't encountered before - it's something he can't LABEL

[shallowseeker]

So, the lantern and the bottle are standing strong despite the storm.

Cas visually occupies the empty chair and protects Dean, who is on the side with the new growth, the fireplace hearth, and the drinks.

But also... what lovely cinema...

Here for example, we see the image of Dean and the hearth again, smoke swirling and a kitchen on fire.

And later...

Cas is devastated by Raphael's words, but Dean decides to lend support and encourage him anyway; tells him to go and look for his father!

And Cas rightfully worries about leaving Dean without the support of his family, his brother.

Dean isn't good exactly, but suddenly, there's something so soft in his gaze.

He confides in Cas about the stresses that come with worrying over Sam's addiction and bad decisions. It's something Cas understands, what with Raphael pledging to start the Apocalypse and revealing that "he wants it all to be over/wants to die."

Cas has a spiraling brother (Raphael), and Dean has a spiraling brother (Sam).

But Dean looks so soft here as they commiserate!

Conjecture//// I think, even if he's not aware of it, Dean's enormously relieved that Cas made it through this whole Raphael thing alive.

A joke slips out again, like it's covering up more of Dean's strong emotions.

Note how the color palette and shadows darken here, like it's pointing to a shroud of mystery that Dean can't quite understand or navigate properly yet.

It darkens as Dean ponders why he was having so much fun.

And yes, on the one hand, it's about the objectively heavy weights of our familial obligations, and how our attachments take work (especially when you're smack-dab in the middle of a fantasy-urban horror genre show).

But it's also the mystery of Dean's feelings...

Dean's locating his happiness in the lack of familial obligations, but is he correct in his analysis of himself at this point?

One wonders...

Or maybe there's something else in the mix now, something as scary as it is effervescent? Something that makes even the burnt-out hearth feel lit, something that makes a squatter house feel like A Home.

///

CORRECTION: There are a few lit lanterns sprinkled around the house. THe motif stands, though. <3

DEAN: *is all watery-eyed and weird when cas dies the first time*

CAS: *returns and is very, very Cranky (TM) and yelling at everyone*

Instead of being happy, relieved, or appreciative of one another's fighting spirit outright, they fall into a pattern of fighting and banter. They're full of fear, fatalism, and their own discordant Hail-Mary-style ideas.

And they disagree with each other. Their fear, in general, manifests in being short with one another and hilariously calling each other's plans stupid.

They're very immature and ill-equipped to handle caring about each other, basically. It's kinda cute.

They could say "thank you," or "I'm glad you're okay." Instead? Cas flies out of the gate, bossily laying into them about needing to be more careful. Later, he arrives at the hospital and calls the plan of fighting Lucifer stupid.

When Dean responds that Cas's plan is even stupider, Cas tells Dean that he wasn't worth rebelling for at all because he's a failure and should shut the Hell up.

Glorious.

There's so much Weird tension getting in the way of what should be a renewed brother-in-arms-friendship. It should be simple, a hearty hug between friends, some thuds on the back—you know, a simple "we made it, brother!" style of camaraderie.

Instead, they're weird about it.

///

And while Dean is usuallyweird (he's a weird, word-vomitey guy at heart), he's being epically weird in 5x03.

I'd say he's being even weirder than Cas is at times, and not just about his nervousness surrounding personal space.

It's everything.

It's even played for laughs a little bit. Cas says a lot of weird shit to the cop, and then somehow gains the cop's trust anyway.

Right after this, the cop calls Dean out, but not Cas.

"Uh, no, Kolchak."

In the end, Cas winds up having the advantage in this bizarre exchange. In a surprise twist, the officer has responded better to Cas's frank honesty than to Dean's sarcasm and indirectness.

///

But anyway, it's no wonder Dean's being odd. Man's Hella stressed.

Per the conversation with Sam at the end of 5x01, Dean is barely hanging in there. "He's trying." But he's also feeling the weight of his own fatalism. "I'll fight, but we haven't got a snowball's chance in Hell of winning."

And I personally think he's still anxious post-Cas's first death.

That's a frightening thing to contend with, that one of your strongest, "seemingly invincible" Superman allies can die. It rocks the tenuous stability beneath your feet, so to speak.

Here's the strangest thing: Cas asks Dean to go on a mission with him. But even after Cas straight-up tells Dean no angel would dare harm him, Dean assumes that they're both going to die anyway.

...

I think this speaks to Dean's issues focusing. His anxiety must be through the roof, because he's usually so good at hanging on to details like that.

There's also his guilt surrounding Cas facing Raphael alone the first time. And it's coming out this way.

This time, he's automatically cast himself in the role of being there alongside Cas, dying alongside him.

It's not until later that his denial falls away and the truth catches up to him, that Cas means to die alone:

Cas repeats himself, that the archangel wouldn't dare harm Dean:

This is not a revelation.

Cas told him as such right off the bat. But like in the scene with Chuck, Dean's brain prefers to dive straight into denial.

It's interesting for a character like Dean. He's VERY used to losing people, but with Cas, there's a creeping denial and disappointment clouding the whole thing.

There's probably already a crush there... it's coming out in watery eyes and hilarious ADHD-word vomit (Thelma-Louise, fussing about personal space and then getting into his personal space, Bert-n-Ernie-are-gay, last night on earth) because Dean doesn't know what to do with it.

He doesn't know how to handle the confusing mix of feelings. He had a lot of them when Cas died the first time. Now, where can that energy even go?

The face journey he goes on as he realizes Cas is expecting to die... again.

It's a little sad, tbh.

///

And then later, when they face off against Raphael, facing him together as Raphael enters "their" kitchen, Dean's fears all come out as jokes and banter again.

It's his preferred defense mechanism against strong emotions. He's worried, but he can't show it.

///

Another thing.

I think it's neat that they're squatting in this cute, dilapidated house.

Raphael appears in a kitchen, recreating the circumstances of Cas's first death in Chuck's kitchen.

Some other cute details about the house they're chosen. Dean has his usual cooler, but here he's put it near the hearth of the home, one of his motifs. He acts as bait, drawing Raphael nearer while Cas moves to attack him.

But the specter of the hearth is still meaningful.

And while Dean distracts Raphael, they lure him deeper into the home, a space they're controlling together.

And still, they banter. Cause they're immature and adorable.

DEAN: "Don't look at me it was his idea."

Aside// The lantern and the beer bottles.

Here, we get another glimpse of their symbols. For Cas, it's this dark lantern on the table; it's been on the table "with him"on his side" since the very beginning of squatting in this house.

It symbolizes both Cas himself and this concept of Dean waiting for him. "Where have you been?"

The fact that this lantern is OUT is a callback to Cas's death, and a nod to his current fatalism.

///

Actually, the house they're squatting in IS pretty cute. The table they sit at together is cute. Here we have the two of them, mutually aching over their absent fathers... and reeling over the painful, complicated brokenness and betrayals with their respective brothers (Raphael, Sam).

The inside of this house is "dead and dusty," but there's new growth just peeking into the window. Greenness. Renewal.

This living room, where they're spending time together, also contains important Dean-Cas symbols: empty chairs, lanterns, and an unlit hearth.

While the two of them are trying desperately to fix their respective families, they're automatically carving out their own living space together, instinctually, almost without knowing or trying.

It's also funny that we see some of the strife that will color their relationship. It looks like Dean wound up doing a lot of waiting around, and he's irritated about it.

Note the prominently lit empty Cas-chair. While Cas runs off to do his suicidal Heaven errands, Dean waits up for him in a room with a hearth and a conspicuously placed lantern.

Cas appears in front of the stairs. Later, these stairs will be prominently lit by the only lit lantern in the entire house.

///

Here we go. Dean and Cas return to face off against Raphael in the house they've come to bond in—in a home they control. Now, the stairs are highlighted by a homey, welcoming light.

It's the only lantern on.

It leads upstairs to the bedroom, or it's a nod to "Heaven" if you prefer that reading.

But it seems to me that this light is conspicuous like, despite the storm and the power outage, these two are carrying a secret torch for each other, a nascent longing to cobble a life together.

Raphael's pyrotechnics are exploding all the lights except this one, after all. Perhaps the lighted stairs represent them as a Heaven-Earth unit, Heaven + home, the one who guards the door + and the one who lights the hearth:

///

And goodness, some of these images are lovely.

Raphael breaks the window, letting the storm into the little nook they'd carved for themselves.

The lantern and the beer bottle.

That's their table!

It's funny. It's almost like they instinctively gravitate to trying to fix/rebuild a home when they're together. They naturally want to fall into this weird... rhythm of life.

It's maybe a bit spooky for them, it maybe unnerves them, and they don't know what to do with that. They've both got so much baggage with their respective families that they mostly try to ignore it, and they get pissy and short with each other as a result of ignoring it and circling this...

...confusing thing.

[aquilamage]

Collection of misc thoughts about the part of the game from yesterday:

I am soooo tempted to Passage warp directly back to Looks to the Moon to see if I've already gotten to the point where I can talk to them. I won't because I am not gonna trek all the way back to where I am now and also just in case it does do something to ruin the storytelling.

On the subject of the chamber Five Pebbles talks to you in:

I know I kinda already sussed it out and also his dialogue confirms it but wow watching the way his robot body gets moved around in this scene does so much for the impression that yeah the iterators are big big computer mechanical beings and the robot part is just a little puppet they control. It's extremely cool.

Which of course has me thinking about Looks to the Moon's in comparison (both their little square chamber with the robot body and the whole area that the game labels with her name). While I'm still not clear on whether all the things you encounter in Five Pebbles are fully meant to be there he certainly still seems functional (and has a billion of the floaty light things all over - although not in the square chamber - vs her only having the couple with her body).

Also I don't know about you guys but that ^ looks like way more than five pebbles to me.

Assuming that orange overseer = LttM and blue = 5P it's interesting thinking about that in relation to their characters like. I know the blue one has been popping up but it rarely if ever gives direction and it certainly hasn't given picture image help. And I didn't notice an Overseer once in Five Pebbles's area versus Looks to the Moon's showing up in their square room.

I think it's neat that at least if we look at the projected images of Looks to the Moon they and Five Pebbles are dressed very similarly. But also why now does he have the robes but they don't. Very Rude. Give My Girl Clothes.

And then Five Pebbles's dialogue!!! First of all I'm still enamored with his tone I looove how much of a bitch he comes off as. Then the fact that there have been multiple other slugcats(/scavengers??) that have been there before. One of them (probably the mentioned previous one?) has gotta be our sibling but for the others????

The implication that the monk has been able to communicate with any others is just ;v; because no! They are. Soso sad and lonely and if anyone guided them it's Looks to the Moon.

And then

You and your kind have the same problem as everyone else, from the microbes in the processing strata to me, who am, if you excuse me, godlike in comparison. We all want a way out.

On a smaller level the "godlike in comparison" is sooo striking to me because first of all the fact that he's bringing that up in the first place says something about them. Also if he's literally saying godlike in comparison to microorganisms it's like. Ok yeah maybe but that doesn't really feel like as much of a brag as you're making it out to be. Which is funny. Or if it's in general 'godlike in comparison to everything else' it's still funny just because he's saying it but considering what little info I have right now I can't exactly argue against him. He seems like Something.

And then the "we all want a way out"!!! Like, I want out because I want to find my sibling and get back to the rest of my family but everyone else? If he means literally physically out of this world then that's some big implications. I can't argue with the sentiment because this place has big deadly storms and it's all ruined and everything is dangerous and violent but it feels like something bigger than all that and that's a little terrifying.

Also I didn't get a screenshot of this part but if you go out and back into his chamber he yells at you to leave. If it hadn't been 500 years since I'd last saved I would've definitely sat there longer just to see what happened.

Anyway this game is incredibly cool. Once again I'm at a point wondering how far I actually am into the game because if you asked me to guess I would have NO clue (please don't tell me). And last small thing I did look at the merch store (at least what's linked on their latest steam announcement) and there's a critical lack of Looks to the Moon stuff so now I am contemplating making my own.