#it's so important to me that you know that lucius is pronounced lu-ki-us

[incendiorum]

IOVITA LEARNS EARLY THAT THEY and lucius don’t see eye to eye when it comes to killing a person.

and it’s not a problem of moral standpoints. lucius simply cannot handle it. he gets flighty at the very idea, and sick at the actual implementation. iovita stands over him in annoyance during one of these times, while he vomits into the grass.

“ are you done? ” they ask. lucius groans.

“ you could be a little kinder about it, ” he mutters.

“ you could be a little faster about it, ” iovita snaps back. they offer him a hand, though, and he takes it, pulling himself up and wiping his mouth with the back of his arm at the same time. iovita wrinkles their nose. “ gross. ”

“ be quiet. ” his tone is so sharp that iovita is startled into silence. they watch as he picks up his sword, cleans it off, and sheathes it again. his gaze is blank. “ we should go. ”

it’s not just the fact that he gets nauseous about it. he gets quiet and distant afterward. he wanders off on his own and sits in silence. his presence feels as tangible as fog under a hot sun.

and what truly bothers iovita is that they don’t feel the same way. death is easy. death is permanent. death means that the person trying to hurt them can never do it again.

they start pushing him aside, when the situation calls for someone’s permanent end. they don’t miss the way lucius gives them a sideways look every time. iovita grabs at the fury that seems forever rooted in their mind and takes care of it and they don’t feel anything at all, afterwards.

lucius's men start talking in hushed whispers and cutting glances after this happens multiple times. and iovita still can’t bring themself to care.

iovita comes to still choking on hot, metallic blood. when they twist onto their hands and knees, they can see it coating the grass beneath them in a viscous, sticky pool.

“ easy, io, ” latona says, voice trembling. her hand is on their back. “ spit it out. there you go. ”

their eyes burn when they finally look up. latona stares at them, face twisted in concern. if iovita’s mind weren’t so foggy, they’d be surprised. latona is cool and collected. never worried.

lucius is on his knees on the other side of them. his cheeks are damp and glistening. his sword lays on the ground nearby, blade coated in blood. beyond that, facedown, lies a body. iovita lifts a hand out of the pool of crimson underneath them and wonders how much of it is their own.

“ can you stand? ” latona asks. iovita reaches for her. she lets them hang onto her arms as they struggle to their feet. lucius stands as well, and she hands them off to him. a strong arm wraps around their waist, guiding them away from the viscera.

iovita lifts a hand as they walk, brushing their throat. wet and sticky, as well. still hot. but the deep gash that had been there only minutes ago is gone. latona’s quick handiwork.

“ you were very close to dying from that, ” she murmurs. iovita jerks in surprise to see her still lingering at their other side.

lucius stops near the horses and pulls away. iovita stands, dazed, at xanthos’s head, watching as he pulls the four-horned saddle off her and hands it to latona. xanthos nudges them, gently, and iovita sets a hand on her neck, trying hard to not lean their entire weight on her. it leaves a red handprint on her tawny coat.

“ io. io. ” slowly, too slowly, iovita shifts their attention to lucius, who holds both hands out, expression pinched. “ I’ll help you up. ”

they reach for one of his hands, and try their best to not be completely useless when he boosts them up onto xanthos’s back. he keeps a hand on their thigh as he leads the mare over to a nearby boulder. his hands never truly leave them, fluttering up to their side or their shoulder as he uses the boulder to climb up behind them, and every touch leaves a tingling patch of warmth in its wake. “ back home, ” he says, “ and you can rest. ”

“ I am fine, ” iovita insists. their voice fails them – small and hoarse.

“ no, ” latona says from somewhere nearby. despite her snippy tone, iovita thinks they detect some semblance of relief. “ you are not. go back and rest. you lost a lot of blood, and my healing almost certainly took your energy, as well. ”

“ mmgh, ” iovita mumbles back. lucius huffs what sounds like a strained laugh, and nudges xanthos into movement.

xanthos’s walk is long-strided but smooth. lucius keeps one arm wrapped tight around their waist, letting their head lull against his shoulder. too exhausted to dwell on this, iovita lets the rhythm lull them into half-sleep.

the journey travels in that haze. at some point, they’re aware of xanthos stopping and lucius sliding down to the ground, pulling them carefully into his arms, and then they’re no longer aware of anything at all.

iovita wakes with the first soft light of dawn. exhaustion pulls at each and every one of their bones and their head pounds in slow, painful throbs. there’s a mountain of blankets heaped over them and under them to cushion them from the hard ground, but they still feel cold prickling along their back. they shift and realize that they’re in different clothes. no blood crusts to their skin. they touch their throat. the long ridge of a fresh scar greets them.

their movements stirs a person laying near them. “ you’re awake, ” lucius murmurs. his voice sounds odd. distant. he doesn’t sit up. he stays on his back, tilting his head towards them.

they remember, through the thick fog of their mind, lucius on his knees. wet-faced and stricken. “ you were crying, ” iovita whispers.

“ was I? ” lucius replies. his words are flat.

a red-edged sword. “ you killed him, ” iovita says next. lucius squeezes his eyes shut. “ the man who tried to kill me. ”

silence falls over them both. so heavy that iovita can almost feel it. but it doesn't take long for lucius to confess. “ I… didn’t even think about it. I just… acted. I haven’t done that since… ” he swallows and clenches one hand. it’s the one he keeps wrapped up with a long, thin strip of cloth. but iovita has seen the ragged scar hidden underneath. “ I haven’t done that in a long time. ”

his eyes open and meet their own. the warm brown of them has turned impossibly dark in the low light. “ I did it for you. ”

the immensity of his words hit iovita like a landslide. “ oh. ”

they don’t think his affections are a secret, anymore. lucius has always been patient with them despite their anger. he has always leaped at the chance to include them or join them in the most mundane of tasks. iovita may have been oblivious at first, but they could only remain so for so long.

iovita scoots a little further away and lifts up the thick pile of blankets draped over them. “ come here. ”

lucius props himself up onto an elbow. “ are you sure? ”

“ I wouldn’t have offered otherwise, ” iovita grumbles. slowly, lucius shuffles over to join them, and they let the blankets drop onto his back. they pillow a hand under their cheek, and watch as he does the same.

“ better? ”

lucius nods.

iovita lets quiet fall over them again, but they don’t let it linger. “ you didn’t have to do that for me. I know… I know how much you hate it. ”

“ I did, ” lucius says, so fast the two words jumble together. “ I did, ” he repeats, slower. he reaches out, and pauses. “ can…? can I? ”

iovita feels dizzy all over again. unlike the blood loss, however, this one is edged in a new kind of excitement. they nod. lucius’s callused fingers brush over their cheek. light and soft and barely there. his thumb traces their cheekbone. in the growing light, they can see his gaze fall to their mouth. something tightens in iovita’s chest.

“ I am glad you’re alive. I do not regret what I did. ” he pulls his hand away. lets it fall between them. “ go back to sleep. ”

they can’t find the energy to argue. iovita falls asleep imagining what it would have been like to feel his lips on their own.

and they don’t stop thinking about it.

it doesn't help that lucius's hands start lingering a little longer when he touches them. or that he always stands so close that their shoulders touch. but he's also far too much of a gentleman for iovita's building frustration. despite his lingering looks, he doesn't try anything. or even ask.

when it's just the two of them one day, iovita decides that they can no longer stand it, yanks him off the road, backs him up against a tree, and says, “ just kiss me already. please. ”

the way his eyes light up makes something in their chest flutter. “ really? ” iovita tightens their grip in his shirt and nods. “ really? ”

“ lucius, ” they hiss, reaching up to tangle a hand in the wavy black locks of his hair and yank him against their mouth. lucius grunts in surprise, and then brings his hands up to cup their face. his mouth softens against their own, slow and curious.

foreign warmth seeps into their face and down their neck, tingling pleasantly under their skin. it takes them a moment to realize that it’s lucius’s magic. every rapid beat of their heart spreads it further and further, until they can feel it from the top of their head down to their toes. iovita pulls away, eyelids heavy. their mind is pleasantly foggy. “ you can do that? ”

lucius raises his eyebrows and says nothing. he traces his thumbs over their cheekbones and heat slinks along the back of iovita’s neck and down the curve of their spine.

“ you can do that? ”

he laughs. “ I’m delighted that I could be the one to introduce you to it. ”

iovita is hazy and fuzzy and tingly all over, so they say exactly what they shouldn’t, “ no. I didn’t know it could feel good. ”

lucius’s hands drop from their face. the feeling dissipates like steam. “ what? ”

iovita blinks. a rush of shame hits them not a moment later, and they look away. “ nothing. ” he’s so close to them. legs pressed against their own. breath fanning across their face. they put a hand on his chest and step back. “ forget I said anything. ”

he reaches for them, fingers closing around their wrist. “ are they still looking for you? ”

iovita jerks away. the memory of their mother’s magic, searing itself into the muscle under their skin, won’t leave their mind. “ don’t touch me. ”

lucius winces. “ are they still looking for you? ” he repeats.

they rub their nose. “ no. ”

“ iovita. I know you just lied to me. ”

“ they’re not looking for me, ” iovita snaps. lucius raises his hands, placating. “ they… gave up. I’m sure of it. I haven’t seen or heard anything in months. ”

lucius gives them a look, but he doesn’t press the matter further. iovita knows that they’ve given him the truth by avoiding it so viciously. there’s nothing - their vanishing in the first place, the rumors that trail their (changed) name, or even their age - that has kept their parents from pursuing them, even after all this time. “ I’m fine. I swear it. ”

he sighs and turns to start walking back to the road. “ we should get back to camp. ”

iovita lingers for a moment, kicks uselessly at a rock, and trails after him.

later, they spot lucius grab latona by her arm and drag her aside, dipping his head low and towards hers so that they can whisper. latona peers over her shoulder once, at iovita, and then drags him further away.

iovita stands there, entirely unsure of how to react. in the end, they don’t.

the next day lucius and latona both leave in the early morning.

“ I’ll be back soon, ” lucius promises them. iovita says nothing back, except to grab his wrist and give him a hard look.

“ it’s nothing. ” he’s lying through his teeth. iovita lets him go anyway.

latona and lucius are gone for a week. iovita flips from annoyance to anger to utter boredom. and when the boredom gets to be too much, they find themself right back at step two: anger. they snap at anyone who tries to talk to them until the entire group gets the message and leaves them be. iovita uses it as time to stew in their own irritation. they could have handled this themself. they don't need lucius and latona to do it for them.

as if they haven't had years to handle it.

it’s col who finally approaches them. “ do you know where pater went? ”

I know exactly where he went. “ no, ” iovita replies. they see col stiffen, from the corner of their eye, and take a long breath. when they speak again, their voice is more level. “ he said he would be back soon, though. ”

“ oh. ” col fidgets. iovita finally turns to look at him completely. he’s started to get gangly. all elbows and knees. they wonder if lucius looked the same at this age. “ do you want to go practice with me? ” he lifts the bow he’s holding in his hands.

iovita blinks. “ practice? ” they echo. when col just tilts his head, they stand up. “ how about you put your skills to use and hunt something for us? ”

col’s eyes light up. “ and you’ll cook it? ”

“ of course. ”

col grins and turns to hurry away. he stops, throws his head back to stare skyward with a loud sigh, and whips back around. “ I’m going to go get the horses. I know a really good spot for rabbits. ”

iovita raises their eyebrows, amused. “ I’ll be there in just a moment. let me go grab what I need. ”

“ okay! ” col yells over his shoulder, already sprinting off again.

col proves to be a good distraction. he wakes them up as early as he can get away with each day and drags them around the nearby countryside. iovita doesn’t mind. his good mood is infectious.

they come back one afternoon after a failed fishing attempt, and when they round a copse, they both spot xanthos at the same time. col glances at them from the corner of his eyes.

“ you can say hi to him, first, ” he says.

iovita tightens their jaw. “ no. it’s fine. go say hello to your pater. ”

“ if you’re sure, ” col says hesitatingly. he’s giving them an even weirder look, now. “ io? ”

“ hm? ”

“ are you and him… um… ”

iovita’s head snaps towards him in alarm. “ what? ”

col blinks. “ nothing, ” he squeaks out, and hurries off ahead of them.

iovita makes their own entrance quiet. latona catches them, at the edge of camp, and gives them an unreadable look. she doesn’t say a word, either. and leaves iovita feeling vaguely unsettled. they lurk, until the sun starts to dip further towards the horizon. without col, their annoyance has started to build again. until, finally, they can take it no longer and stalk away to find the subject of their ire.

iovita finds him, as expected, alone and far away from everyone else. sitting on the ground with his knees pulled up and arms wrapped tight around them. his eyes are firmly locked on the horizon. he looks small, sad, and bogged down with a kind of exhaustion that iovita knows only he will ever feel. at once, their anger trickles away.

“ lucius, ” iovita says. he doesn’t respond. “ lucius, ” they say again, louder. when he still doesn’t turn, they reach out to touch his shoulder. he startles, whipping around.

“ oh. ” his shoulders slump. “ salve .”

iovita sits down next to him. “ lucius? ”

“ hm? ”

he’s gone back to staring into the distance. iovita reaches out to turn his chin towards them. when he finally meets their gaze, they say, “ can I ask you a question? ”

lucius’s eyes turn hard and flinty. “ …yes. ”

iovita tries to swallow the lump in their throat. there’s a feeling, building in their chest. dark and nervous. they’re afraid to name it. I know what you did, sits on the tip of their tongue. the cloth he keeps wrapped around his hand has a dark, rusty stain on it.

“ can you show me how you did that… ” their gaze darts away as they gesture in a vague series of hand flips. “ that thing… with your magic? ”

the breath that leaves lucius is sudden and strained, twisting into something a bit like a laugh and a bit like a sob. “ yes. yes I can show you. here. ” he reaches for their hand with the one of his not wrapped in cloth. “ press your fingers to my wrist. ” iovita does, and the pads of their fingers press flush to his pulse. “ just do what you always do. will your magic to do what you want it to. ” he pauses. “ do it with… intention. good intention. ”

don’t do it with pain in mind remains unspoken. iovita focuses. the warm trickle of their magic curls out along their arm, growing hotter and hotter under their skin by the moment. they imagine it brushing lucius’s skin. sinking underneath and spreading, and they hear him sigh. his fingers curl, stiffen, and then relax.

“ your magic is hot, ” he murmurs. “ hotter than mine. ”

“ yours is… ” iovita thinks. “ cozy. ” it felt like how they would imagine the stroke of his hands, but they don’t say it aloud. that… doesn’t make them feel cozy, exactly. “ it felt good. ”

they let their hand fall. lucius takes too long to pull his own back. he feels… distant to them again. like he’s not even sitting next to them. like io could waves their hands through him and he’d fade away before their eyes.

“ io… I – ” his voice catches in his throat. he swallows, hard, and tries again. “ io I did something I… I don’t think I should have. ” his eyes are bright. iovita looks away. “ I did it – ugh. ” iovita looks back to see him press the heels of his palms into his eyes. “ I did it for you. ”

silently, iovita reaches for him. they pry his hands away from his face. the cloth catches their attention again and they take his hand into their own, unwrapping and rewrapping the strip into a loose roll that they set aside. when he doesn’t pull his hand away, they trace a thumb over the twisted scar on the back of his hand. if they look closely, they can still see some of the black ink of the old tattoo lingering in between the ridges of it. “ lucius? ” they murmur again, looking up to see him with his attention fixed on their hands, eyes wide.

he meets their gaze. iovita says nothing. they stare, unwavering, back. and then give him a little nod. I know. it’s okay. after a moment, lucius lets out a long, shuddering sigh and nods back.

iovita pulls him into a kiss and pretends not to feel his cool tears pricking against their cheeks.