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itsjusta · 4 years ago

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March 1. (Mon)

my damgos were idiooots i had 2!!!! grrrr issa da first one was so sad and scary doe cos there were 3 of us in a room. it was me, mom, and a friend but idk who doeee and naa nisulod nga gunman tas gipusil niya sila duha and si mommy doe kay critical and grabe ang awas sa dugo so ako gihiktan sa cloth pero grabe na ako hilak doeee :(( and gitawagan nako si daddy doe but wala sya nituo iya rako pasagdan huhu and gitawagan tka doeee tas nianhi ka but u didnt help doeee u just left doe :((( i was so hurt doeee issa i felt betrayed cos wa gyd mo nitabang and mommy was dying doe :(( tas atong nakasakay nami sa tricycle going to hospital issa na see pa gyd tka sa dalan and gitawag tka but nag meet up man diay mo saimo uyab wth doeee i just cried a lot doe i was so scared na mamatay si mommy and i was alone HUHU and nakamata ko doeee and naa na gyd tears sako eyes :((( naka cry jd ko in real life huhu dat was so scary and so sakit doe!!!

da 2nd damgo also an idiot doeee cos kaslon na daw ko doe but di gyd ko gusto cos young paman kooo but daghan politicians nangadto doe and daghan gyd people naa pa gani ka hahha idk who’s my groom doeee but before ko nisulod sa church kay nang hangyo ko sko friend nga itakas ko doe so gikuha namo car ni Unabia and we drove away doeee HAHAHHA but then i got konsensya doeee luoy au mga people so ana ko balik nalang mi but i will explain na di gyd ko magpakasal doeee!!!! issa gi chat pa gani tka ato dayon doe i informed u nga mubalik ko aish but when we went back issa ang groom napd nawala doeee hahahah idiooot!!!

dis was a kapoy day doeee nag do ko smol acads lang then nag sleep lang and watch2 kdrama and tv heheheh i also realized na 9 months nata bulag omg?!?! so fast ang panahooon 🥺

March 2 (Tues)

issa an okay daaay langgg doeee issa 8 kapin ko kamata so early doeee aish so i hd iced coffee chour!!! issa nag acads pd ko hehe also nag gmeet mi ni claire for our midterms doeee and issa ordered mcflurry and fries yummy doe hehehe just watched tv with mom lang dayon after doee!! nag play pd ko codm with friends but kadjot lang 3 games laaang hehe and balik lang dayon ko room mom doeee tambay lang ko while watch sya tv heheh

March 3 (Wed)

issa an okay day lang alsooo doeee but dugay au time now!! issa after lunch i wanted to sleep doeee but so igang in my room and naa pajd ga videoke sa silingan and my mind also active aissshhh 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ issa watch nalang ko movie and then nag do midterms with claire doeee hehe

issa amo midterms doeee kay murag mag interview mi about samo personal problems jd doeee shy ko tell kay claire sako problems like sa family doeee and kato self harm aishhh ikaw ra baya nakabalo ato doeee :((( but its okay aishhh for da grades and issa klarye raman pd doeee i can also trust dat idiot heheh i also talked about our break up doe naka cry ko laytch uy!!! hahahah

when mommy arrived issa watch pd ko rv saiya room doeee

also i’m like an idiot doeee gi mute baya tka sa ig but sge ko adto saimo profile to see if naa ka story?!?! and maybe if naa dayon ma hurt dayon ko HAHAHHA issa so tiring to be an idiot 🤦🏻‍♀️

March 4 (Thurs)

i dont like this day doeee heavy ako heart since pag wake up and cry ko a looot and overthink ko a looottt 😔 just an extra hard daaaay today!!!! so hard to pugong the tears doeee 🥺🥺 (wrote dis before u sent pa dat msg doeee omg very emotional day gyd!!!)

issa sayo ko ka sleep gahapon doeee mga 11 hehe but aish 10 pa nag start naman ko sleep doe cos sleepy nako and bored na au ko doeee sleep nalang ko but my mind so activeeee many ko think nga sad tots issa idiot mind making me cry a litol!! hahah issa 11 na nuon ko ka sleep 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ issa wake up pd ko 7 kay naa ko class doeee issa not nice ako sleep uy issa ga damgo2 ko doeee and my latest damgo was classmate ta doe and di ka ga bali2 saako like imo ko gina avoid doeee issa idiooot bahala ka uy!!!! making me not feel good huh!!!! even when i woke up issa not ko feel good bcos of dat hmppp issa heavy ako heart pag wake up today!!!

issa ordered pancake and iced coffee from mcdo doeee palibre ko mo ako gi eat after class then nag do dayon ko isa ka activity heheh issa mga 10 am dayon nag walking mi sa dogs outside doeee kami pretprot and babas but mga 5 mins lang cos init!!!

issa cried pa more in the afternoon doeee issa mag nap unta ko but aisshhh my mind is thinking of a lot of things doeee :((( i feel like a lot will change doe and changes scare me doeee :(( i feel like u dont want to talk na doeee cos idk issa lahi imo vibes nooow murag feel nako gaka pugos rakag reply hahahaha and it makes me cry cos cutting off commu is going to be a big change gyd but again, i know nga if the time comes, i will have to accept man gyd and i know that time will come doeee but even if i know nga muabot doe kay its so sakit gihapon doe and its so scary :((( das why thinking about it doe just makes me cry hahah and aishhh i feel jd doe dat youre tired of talking to me HAHAHHA i even went to mom’s room doe para di nako cry but cry man gyapon ko uyyyy idiot

u know i’ve accepted najd doe nga di gyd ma return ako love and effort saimo but sometimes issa it just hurts so much doeee to not receive it back and days like these i ask for strength jd doe nga makaya nako ang kasakit 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (dis was before pa u told me to cut off doe omg issa strong gut feeling jd)

anddd yun na nga issa nag ask najd diay ka mag cut off and aisshhh it was scary gyd doe and sakit but no choice :(((( it’s for the best gyd sguro doeee cos maybe i’ll get in trouble and maybe mag away pd mo doe ion want u to be sad doeee if u get away :((( u know gyd na i will always kaya everything basta its for ur happiness doe 🥺🥺 i wish u only the best doeee even if kailangan mulayo ko saimoha doeee hehehe thank you for calling me!!!!! don’t miss me too much ok!!! bleh!!

if u feel overwhelmed na gyd with acads u can chat me ok!!!! and if u want to learn to edit vids doeee inshot is a good app heheh

March 5 (Fri)

issa woke up before 9 doeee idk why nga 1 naman unta ko ka sleep 🤦🏻‍♀️ grabe kahubag ako eyes doeeee so idiot huhu issa i saw pd irian’s tiktok when i woke up doeee cos i went man to ur profile issa u look good and happy together doe 🥺🥺 you guys are bagay doeee and i like seeing you laugh in the vids doeee issa makes me happy na inana ka ka happy 🥺🥺 i want u to be happy lang uyyy no no sad!! i pugong na not to cry doeee cos i cried a lot na kaayo gabii and my eyes so big naaaa but writing dis issa makes me cry a litol hahahha issa when i see raba stuff lyk dat dugay kaayooo mawala sako mind doeee unhealthy mind mani but aish im practicing gyd not to think about the stuff i see about u guys 💆🏻‍♀️

anywaaay today is day 1!!! ahhahah char 🥺🥺 im scared doe but idk alsoooo im just really thinking na its needed doe 🥺 im doing this for you gyddd doe cos i want u to have a happier relationship doe issa u know i would sacrifice a lot for ur happiness heheh i will also do this for myself doeee i will try not cry a lot and miss u alooot ok but i think gonna be hard esp the first weeks doeee so dont kasaba me if i cry a lot ok!!! :(((( u know i cry easily hmpppp

alsooo doeee my new tiktok is: displaylangsatiktok.a

u cant follow gyd me diay doeee its ok ako nalang gi public ang vids doeee im shy hahah but para ma see nimo doeee and unfollow nalang pd tkaaaa para not sya maka see sa ako profile okayyy but idk doe im shy man uy maybe ako ra i friends again issa di ka maka see aishhh bleh

i had iced coffee at 9:30 am doeee hehe i divided one medium iced coffee sa mcdo into 3 para mulast sya 3 mornings cos u know i palpitate if i drink a lot of coffee doeee hehhe at lunch time we went to laguidingan doe kami mom and daaad hehe we uban pretprot and babas kay luoy man pretty if sya lang alone 🤦🏻‍♀️ issa chivas doe sge pangaway sa mga dogs outside nya mga big raba jd doe and many pa gyd sila but isog au da smol dog!!!

issa i’m justi doing things that help me pass timeee doeee now issa nag draw2 ko kadjot doeee hahah and watch movie alsooo i just have to get used to this again doeee whenever i get the urge to cry doe i tell myself no no nooo huhu but idk if i can hold dis doee later if mag sleep nako

update: 9:58 and i cannot hold it na doeee cry na gyd ko cos i can see that u really love her doeee and aish sana ol 🥺🥺 u r a great person doe and she’s blessed to have youuu 🥺 and im so sorry if i bother you doeee :(

dis my last weekly update na okaaay i will do an everyday diary naaa so dat u will always be updateeed 🥺 maybe around 9-10pm every night ko post okaaay heheh

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itsjusta · 4 years ago

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WEEKLY UPDATE #11

Dec. 21 (Mon)

1:31 AM. I was going to sleep na unta but I ended up crying because I’m thinking about so many things 😅😅

but i had a good day doeeee its my first time to trade and i earned 400+ but i didnt sell pa basin magamay na nuon aish i’m looking forward to trading gyd doeee its fun and i want to earn money so i can save and buy things hehe also happy for u cos hapit naka maka 100k!!

watched a lot of teen wolf also today and did a task for khalid 😪

Dec. 22

my day was actually going okay. i’m disappointed sa ako self sa trading, but i was okay na with that.

i just spent my afternoon watching tv but then i saw that notif and everything just came crashing down

im really in so much pain and i hurt myself today. its nothing major, just small ones enough lang to make me feel something else. dont saba2 about dis doe. dont feel bad also this is my own choice and im doing this to lessen my emotional pain a little.

i also deactivated my fb doeee this is just temporary but i’m just really stressed.

Dec. 23

today was better hehe i know its ur first month so i really tried to stop myself from thinking that hahah just watched a lot of netflix and tv doeee and tiktok also hahaha

i hope tomorrow will be a better day for you doe :(( you know, when we were together i would get so scared to see u angry becos usahaaay ra gyd kyka masuko. u have so much patience for everything and i hate seeing you angry gyd kay i know nalain gyd ka ana doe and idk what’s making you angry but i hope u resolve it doe with whoever or whatever made u angry. i hope u have a calm and happy heart this Christmas! ♥️

if pwede lang gyd, i will go with u somewhere chill doe like a beach to just calm your mind. u know i’m always here for you and my house is always open for you! 🥰

Dec. 24

wasn’t so busy this day doeee cos sila ra nag prepare wala man mga salad2 hahah i’m celebrating Christmas this year na not as happy as sauna doe becos idk my heart is just not that happy also hehe i wish for a better Christmas jd next year, i wish to be happier next year doe and i wish that for you also.

lost my peace of mind these past few months doe that’s why its been so hard. i think this is one of the greatest gift u gave gyd to me while kita pa doeee i was so at peace sauna doe because i know na you love me and that i will always have you thats why i was also very happy and now i’m still learning to have that peace on my own doe

thank you for being one of my greatest blessings!!! i am forever thankful for all the love you have given me. i may not have celebrated this Christmas with you as my partner, but I’m also thankful that I got to celebrate with you as a friend.

Dec. 25

the weather today is so cold doe nice na nuon mag maoy2 hahah

cried a lot today doe cos idkkk just thought of a lot of things. i think gyd we will not talk na doe months from now cos its so hard to maintain our communication esp if face to face na 😅 but maybe you will be happier that way doe. i think you will be happier if we dont talk na doe cos u dont have to worry about me. if i just had the strength, i will really let you go doe because its for you but its so hard for me because i want to be involved in your life. but its also so hard to get involved in your life doe cos i get so hurt by many things but idk sometimes i find it worth it when i get to talk with you dayon inana btaw aishhhh i feel like im a idiot doe hahah idk

but when you want to not talk to me you can just tell me doeee u know i’ll accept it even if its hard hehe i just want whats best for u

I saw your vids and pics doe from your laag. You look really happy and you look together. I love seeing you happy but it super hurts that you’re happy na gyd with another doe. (not gonna lie i broke down after hahah) idk doe seeing you happy like that makes me realize that maybe i shouldn’t be involved in your life na doe because i’m just disturbing your peace and it’s so hard for me to move on also. i’ve been trying so hard to block out any info or news about u guys but i really can’t block everything out :)

also deactivated my fb doe idk i’m so tired so many things affect me doe. i feel so hurt, so small, so insignificant and so pathetic now. i feel like i’m torturing myself and that the world is punishing me. Looord ansaket huh :(

did it again today doeee aish i shud not do this na sayang ako skin!! hahahah (serious i shud not do this na doe)

alsooo 7 months nata buwag ngeok!! hahah

Dec. 26

today was an okay day doeee my morning was productive because i did my assignment and then cooked yummy fried rice for lunch

i just watched kdrama dayon doeee and i was excited huh cos i tot u will laag here but aish the weather not cooperating :( i even init na carbonara for u unta but aissshhh hahah idk when i will see u again doeee maybe u will not want to laag na hahah u also didnt call me but das also okay doeee 😅 i was very bored at night na dayon doe aishhh

u knooow i think i will just continue to love you doe until i get tired na dayon becos i dont receive the same love back hahah maybe that time maka stop najd dayon ko doeee idk with this heart bsag unsa na kasakit ga padayon gihapon!!! hahahah but maybe gyd doe one day i will get exhausted na and will stop na heheh

Dec. 27

watched a lot of kdrama today doe and just relaxed lang

i miss going on dates doeee huhu i want to kaon2 with someone and suroy2!!!! aish being single is so mingaw and i miss having sex doeee ion like being lonely and tigang!!!!!! 😤😤😤😤😤😤

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