#it's ok ti be afraid but this goes beyond the fucking line

[im-abanana]

Ok, time to explain my point, long post comin'!

- I read the Novelization of the movie Trolls, and when Chef makes her offer to him, Creek thinks he's 'too cool to die' (in italian, my native language, it said 'era troppo mitico per morire') and accepts.

This particular point shows that he DOESN'T care about anyone else except himself, that he is an egocentric, uncaring person. I mean, he could have simply thought that he was scared to die, or that he was too shocked to reject the offer right away. But no, he thought that he was too cool to die, basically that his life was worth an entire Village (dozens of children, women and men!).

And he IMMEDIATELY said 'Eat someone else! Anyone else! But not me!'... The offer wasn't even made at that point! Guys, he is a bitch, a coward and a fucking asshole, he wasn't tortured, he was willing to sell the orhers out right away... -.-

- Because of that, I don't believe the whole 'he didn't wanna do it'. Why? Because, analyzing the expressions he shows, you can see that Creek does NOT appear guilty AT ALL. Never! Com'on people, he even mocks Poppy with that 'Boop' on the nose!

He even shrugs and uncaringly smiles when his people, his race, his friends come out of Branch's bunker and get captured. If someone doesn't want to hurt his Village, or at least was forced to with torture and violence, he doesn't behave like that, he would have been sad, guilty, fighting in the inside, but he clearly isn't.

Does he look like he's sorry? Yeah... no.

- Last point: in my opinion, Creek was locked in the clasp because Chef needed to keep an eye on him (she was probably aware that the other Trolls'd escaped). Gristle said he was gonna eat him that night with the other Trolls, so he probably knew about the deal and that those Trolls would have been captured.

In 'Trolls, the Beat Goes On!' Creek's still a cocky bastard that forces Branch to apologize... and for what!? Being smarter that anyone else in the Village?

Poppy 'suggested' Branch to apologize because he put Creek's life in danger, saying 'we know he is afraid, we just accept his flaws' basically. Umh... No?? He said 'I would sacrifice myself for all of you, and then he doesn't. Let's clarify that: it's ok to be afraid.

But making a promise and breaking it is so wrong, and that is aggravated by the fact he already betrayed them during the first movie! How can you trust someone like him, seeing how many times he broke a promise? 'Forgive and forget' is a stupid advice if you see that the other person hasn't changed, like Creek who's clearly still an egocentric person fight me, It even describes himself as a fucking God in that song he wrote.

Poppy must give the good example, and sometimes having the guts to push someone so toxic away from the community IS a good lesson.

That was my point, i could go on forever, but dinner's ready now. :P I don't like or justify Creek, because he represents everything I hate: liars, cowards, fake and egocentric people. He had everything, the love of everyone, and he still stabbed their back bc he only loves himself. :P

P.S. oh, in the Junior Novelization Creek is planning his revenge against the Trolls. Definitely NOT a guilty dude here!

A potential point for Creek redemption (boy was tortured)

There’s this glaring timeline plothole in the timeline in Trolls(2016) with some really unfortunate implications come be upset with me!

No, I’m not talking about the initial time skip after the escape paired up with Poppy’s travel back to the Troll Tree making it difficult to conceptional how far away the new troll village is away from Bergentown. Everyone’s already talked that one to death.

No, I’m talking about Creek’s heel face turn.

Now the way it’s set up, the story kinda just sets up his betrayal in the timeline and I honestly didn’t even think about it, but we are given a really specific time where it occurred and it doesn’t make sense.

Creek is removed from everyone’s company and Chef encourages Gristle to eat Creek

We know at this point that Creek immediately starts begging for his life. The Narrative implies that this is when Chef made her offer to him. We are encouraged to believe that this is when the betrayal was made. 

Simultaneously, Branch and Poppy have argued about Creek potentially being alive, and have started to fallow Bridget to her room in the basement

Now AFTER Creek’s apparent betrayal, we have Poppy and Branch freeing the other Troll’s, Poppy convincing Bridget to confess to Gristle, Branch’s backstory, Bridget’s makeover, and the entire first half of the date before we see Creek again.

Arguably SEVERAL HOURS minimum, but also arguably overnight if the storyboards from Branch’s story are right about it taking place around sunset. Honestly I spent a long time looking at windows trying to pin this down and I still can’t figure out if this movie takes place in a day or a week.

Only now, half way through the day do we see Creek, who is being kept in Gristle’s cape clasp. He’s filthy, and panicked. Judging by his breathing, he’s either in a constant state of panic, and has been for several hours, or more likely, from the build of the clasp, oxygen deprived. His only words at this point is a desperate “help” and a cut off “Mercy!”

finally, this means that Creek can only have came into Chef’s possession between chef interrupting Bridget and Gristle’s date, and Gristle going to his room to work out. 

And according to the narrative, this is post taco, post begging for his life, post betrayal. So why was Creek still in the clasp, why is he being treated like this? 

Of course that’s assuming Creek agreed to Chef’s proposition the first time. It is really heavily insinuated by the narrative that Creek’s decision came about from fear of being eaten, and that was his turning point….

But logically speaking, it makes MUCH more sense for Creek to have rejected Chef’s first proposal. 

It’s really apparent that Chef is a little desperate to get Gristle to eat a Troll, hoping to distract him with the sensation of happiness. Her entire plan hinges on him become addicted to happiness to the point that he becomes reliant on her, and at this point, his reluctance married with his concerns over a lack of Trolls for everyone is a huge problem. 

It is really apparent that Creek’s claim of “I’ll do anything” is what gave her the idea of him leading her to the other trolls. She was basically a glorified zookeeper for years. Even finding a place where they congregated, she’s probably well aware of their behaviors and that she’ll be unlikely to find them again until they come out on their own (hence why she’s so reluctant to go get more) 

So Creek rejects her offer, and she’s more or less in a perfect position either way. In Gristle’s clasp, he’s a constant temptation to Gristle. Should the prince give in and eat him, tasting happiness, she wins

Should he not, and he doesn’t she gets her other trolls, because she literally tortures Creek for hours and know’s he’ll break.

Think about this, When Creek tells her no, she put’s him in something the human size equivalent of a 20 gallon tub, no room to move, no light, barely any air, probably stinking of the Bergen spit he’s covered in, and leaves him there for several hours, minimum. Literal fucking torture.

When she takes him back out she probably makes the offer again, and judging by the way she treats him post Betrayal, uses false niceties to inject a big ol case of stockholm and she’s got herself an in.

And timeline wise, Creek rejecting her first offer and being placed in the pendant as punishment is a pretty intense conclusion that makes a lot of sense and I’m not saying what he did was OK but MAN does that put a spin on his Betrayal that I didn’t need.

(Edit: I haven’t seen ANY of the new netflix show yet and I know there’s a Creek episode in it, so this might be jossed now, but I’m not sure I trust that show in the first place for continuity, since the next movie is supposed to have Creek in it, and the nature of franchises gets a little foggy with lore outside of theatrical movie canon)

[reginaofdoctorwho]

ok so i started this as a draft days ago and barely remember where i was going with this idea but i tried to fill it out a little more. basically it’s just that anytime Curt says he misses being a spy he misses being a spy with Owen or the spy he was with Owen. so probably everything is what everyone knows already

Curt ties being a spy with Owen. completely, intrinsically, whatever, okay?? in Spy Again Curt says “Owen would want me to do this”, and lists

hop in a jet and fly again

grow a spine again

do my best not to cry again

wear a suit and tie again

drink martinis and drive again

get by again

feel like a real important guy again

as what he’s going to do as a spy. let’s check off what happens before Owen’s reveal (i’m trying to include some)

hop in a jet and fly again

grow a spine again

do my best not to cry again (i’m trying to be nice here he’s probably doing his best despite what happens)

wear a suit and tie again (literally part of the mission)

drink martinis and drive again (he’s sobering up)

get by again (barely my dude)

feel like a real important guy again

which, decent, but our dude is also having gay flashbacks, messing up a very simple and clear mission, and mistakes flirting for fighting (to quote my friend “Amelie” “he’s,,, so bad at pretending to be straight”) this all being with him having been one of the greatest spies, to the point of recognition years after he retired.

and post Owen’s reveal

hop in a jet and fly again (we’re going to count whatever that in

grow a spine again

do my best not to cry again

wear a suit and tie again (i mean he doesn’t need it??)

drink martinis and drive again (ok i don’t know maybe?? he does shots before and THEN chases Owen and then he’s drinking whiskey when he meets with Tatiana)

get by again

feel like a real important guy again (look at him at the end

more below the cut because this is already long and it’s going to be even longer

Okay, to be more in depth, (this’ll sound like a lot of my other posts) at the beginning Curt Mega is truly a great spy. yes, he was captured by Oleg, but the entire interaction with him Curt is still in control. he mocks Oleg, breaks his fingers, hits the bat back at him, all while holding a conversation (and flirting) with Owen. he’s confident the entire time, he’s willing to go against plans and is overconfident to a fault. While Cynthia is somewhat rude and pays more attention to Owen in the beginning (”finally someone who knows what the hell they’re doing!”) but i think she’d treat him the same as Curt if he ever did decide to work for her. it’s partially a “bring in new talent” and partially a “keep the old talent from being overconfident” thing. i don’t think it’s an actual mark on what pre-fall Curt was like as an agent. but either way, their record was six minutes to get out of a building presumably set to explode (or implode. fuck if i know) and they were still both confident and eager to lower the time even more. and they would have accomplished it, if not for Owen falling. what i’m saying is pre-canon Curt was a very effective agent, was good at his job, and was likely almost never out of his depth.

in Spy Again, he’s talking about becoming a spy again, but he links this to Owen, believing that being a spy again would enable him to work past Owen’s death (”but maybe this time’ll be different, it might be what I need”). he’s haunted by the “memories” not “memory”, which could be taken as any time he and Owen worked together, not just when he died. he wants to be a spy, but even stating that and the things he misses about being a spy (above lists) starts to remind him of Owen (”and i know just where i’m goin’, me and my partner Owen!”). he sees himself post-fall, with his beard, alcoholism, and trying and failing to improve (”i do what i can, try to make a plan, to be a better man, but nothing seems to stick”) and again relates it to Owen (”Owen please, if you could see what’s become of me, what would you think?”). Curt decides Owen would want him to be a spy again (”i once was a spy. i think you’d want me to spy again”) and repeats it to make it stick (”Owen would want me to do this”), and that is what truly starts him off again. or so it would seem.

in his first mission back, Curt can’t start again. he has to talk himself into doing his job again (”looks like that someone has to be me. you came here to do this, so do the job, stop acting like a little pussy”), and then mostly rides along on what Tatiana does anyway (”i second that motion!) a far cry from the beginning Curt who did his job eagerly. and we are again reminded that Curt was a great spy when Sergio recognizes Curt on sight and says “is that Agent Curt Mega? ... i can’t believe this, the most famous spy in the world busting my arms deal. hey, would you mind signing something...” followed by DMA immediately being able to disarm Curt with ease, showing the contrast. Curt does recognize the baked goods are the way to hurt Sergio, but also loses the bomb to Tatiana

Curt is, at this point, still waiting [in a way] for a partner. it is not implied in the beginning that he and Owen worked together every mission, rather the opposite in fact (“MI6 didn’t tell me you were on this mission”), but he still seems to almost expect a partner, and goes off what Tatiana says even though they’re not working together, and they both train their weapons on the baked goods.

Cynthia points out that he’s been on an early retirement for four years, which Curt is very quick to correct as a grieving period. his hands shake during Cynthia’s drill, he fumbles the gun, and he has none of the grace or style of the beginning. when Cynthia mentions Owen and Curt’s alcoholism (”i remember when i got the call that Owen died and you lived, i screamed into Susan’s neck for fifteen seconds, then i locked it up and moved on. you on the other hand, you drank yourself to rock bottom...”) Curt doesn’t even look at her. when she poisons him, he’s still able to repeat back (in essence) what she said, showing that the spy of the past is still there, deep down.

Eyes on the Prize II is the (i think) first time we see Gay Flashback-Owen. he is notably not slipping and dying, as would likely be going through Curt’s head if he were haunted by that specific memory alone (going back to the “haunted by any memory of Owen”) thing i mentioned, but is instead also saying “keep your eyes on the prize” with the ensemble, again lining up Owen with Curt’s idea of being a spy.

during the casino scene Curt is clumsy with his acting, and is trying to get information from Tatiana (it’s all very awkward. “make it a white russian, hold the vodka, please, thank you so much” “excellent choice. one vodka martini bone dry, and one glass of cream”), but as soon as another person joins it (Dick Big), the relationship between them turns from enemies trying to get information from the other to an uneasy team (”i’m hardly alone, the woman and i were just about to-”), with Curt even giving a russian toast, and although Tatiana definitely notices when Curt is given a gun by the dealer, she politely declines to mention it, and when Curt offers her his arm while Dick is off finding a waiter, she smiles. and while it could be argued that it is just them working undercover, this did feel more genuine than when they are alone and back in their assumed positions (”besides, without that horrible face fungus, what will i have to yank?” “we are talking about fighting, right?”) Tatiana also recognizes that Curt is alone in more ways than one, both without backup and without anyone he can trust fully. in the short time they’ve been together, they already are close enough to friends that Tati apologizes for bringing him to DMA

despite the two of them being on opposite sides during this encounter, they are already beginning to act as partners/friends, and Curt takes her betrayal more personally than he should have

i’d also like to take this moment to point out that DMA almost instinctively stabs the Nazi henchman for saying “seems his noggin’s a bit dense!” of Curt

during Torture Tango, it seems like he’s having a natural reaction to getting tortured. Curt is nervous, he’s afraid, he’s ready to die (”you sick bastard, why don’t you just kill me already?”/”i can’t deny that i’m gonna die”). but this is NOT how the torture scene at the beginning went, even before he knew Owen was there. at the beginning scene Curt is arrogant, throwing Oleg’s words back at him, breaking his fingers, keeping a cool tone and staying in control the whole time. this time he barely talks to the DMA, he doesn’t fight back, he just accepts it. also, he sings “i once was a spy but i won’t be a spy again” and “thought i could say goodbye, but i can’t lie i wanna be a spy again” despite the fact that he is a spy again. he says he wants to be a spy again, but he already is a spy again, what he’s missing is Owen. he was once a spy with a partner he loved and could trust completely, and the partner felt the same way about him. that is what i believe enabled him to be such a good spy, he had someone who knew everything about him, being gay included, and he was able to act more confidently as a result. what he misses is less of the “go get the girl and go save the world” and more seeing his partner even for short periods and having the confidence that comes from being known. also, curt is on the verge of death and is still thinking of Owen (”doesn’t even matter if i killed my best friend”)

back to Tatiana, who’s having her own crisis. “is Mega my enemy do i let him die? i’ve got to think about my family ‘cause no one’s looking out for me...” she, at this point, has not interacted with Curt beyond the arms deal, the casino, and betraying him to von Nazi and DMA. despite this she still sees him as a possible ally, and ultimately does decide to betray von Nazi and DMA for him (to his understandable confusion). when she unties him, he only calms down when she holds her arm out to him, but he becomes so distracted by it and Gay Flashback-Owen that he doesn’t notice DMA is waking up until he’s already been shot.  i’d also like to point out that Gay Flashback-Owen is doing the same arm out pose Tatiana is doing while holding Curt’s arm

end of act 1. can i get a wahoo?

when Curt is with Barb, he acknowledges that he’s fucked things up, but still catches himself on saying he is a [great] spy again ”i was, i am, supposed to be the best”

i think during the gala he is trying to be the Curt from the past while ignoring why he was that way. he insists on going rogue, he confidently (and foolishly) announces that he is a spy, the prince will be assassinated, and that the Russians and Americans know, despite the fact that it doesn’t seem like a good idea if thought about at all. With blowing up the facility at the beginning there was some merit to it. they had been seen, they stole the plans and possibly wished to muddle why they were there, the facility might have had more plans they didn’t know about and they were already on a time limit. they also had a limit on the tech items they had (no rocket shoes :’( ).

when Tatiana rescues him again and takes him to his mother’s safe house, who mentions a “constant parade of drinking buddies, for poker or wrestling or whatever you boys do in the rumpus room” and while we could make an argument about Curt trying to move on after the fall, i think this youtube comment on the video is a fucking treasure and i will forever remember it.

i’d also like to point out now that Tatiana is truly the only character that i believe could “replace” Owen for Curt. he needs someone in his life who can know even the parts he hides from those closest to him, someone on equal footing with him, someone who doesn’t idolize him, and someone who works well with him. he can’t tell his mother, because she wants grandchildren, she wants a daughter-in-law, she wants to plan a wedding. it can’t be Cynthia, she’s his boss, it’s set during the Lavender Scare when he could lose his job for being gay. it can’t be Barb, who has an intense crush on him, and even when she does act in a platonic way, she is willing to risk her job based on the fact that it’s him (in an almost awestruck way). Tatiana is unimpressed with Curt when they first meet, they become friends quickly, work together to stop von Nazi and DMA, they are both spies at the top of the field, and she accepts him (”you’re cool with me?” “till the end!” “cool :)”). also, i think it’s interesting that Tatiana believes she is saving someone (her family) by leaving them behind, while Curt believed he killed someone (Owen his lover) by leaving them behind. just kinda parallels i think

before Doing This, Curt says he is is afraid that “[he’ll] never be the spy [he] once was” and that he believes he shouldn’t need anyone else. when Tatiana says he’ll get everyone who cares about him killed with his line of thinking he says the line “i already have.” explains about Owen, and adds “and that was back when I was the old Curt”.

during One More Shot, Curt acknowledges that he tried to get past missing Owen by trying not to need anyone else, which was wrong (“i used to think i could do this by myself i was fine, i didn't need any help“). this is him starting to take his friendship with Tati and being able to use it to see that while he cannot work alone, he doesn’t need one specific person to make him the man he is.

this of course promptly goes out the window when DMA is revealed to be Owen

however, Curt still calls Tatiana “partner” before going after Owen.

when he does go after Owen (One Step Ahead), he still thinks of Owen as the man from 1957 (”what happened to the man i knew?”). when Owen begins to explain, Curt tries to remind him of what they did “together. two of the greatest spies to ever live”. once again associating him and Owen together with being a spy

also, once Owen is dead (idk if i hope for real or not) again, Curt does make a change for the better. he’s able to be fairly confident around Cynthia, he tries to be enthusiastic about Barb’s tech/data analysis merge, he is able to talk about his “ex lover returned from the grave” with Tatiana. i do find it interesting though that he does not tell her about the other facilities, again taking it upon himself to fix it, and only telling her “give me a ring if you’re ever stateside”.

in a final moment, Curt is able to move on from Owen, and acknowledge “i once was a spy, i’ll always be a spy” with or without Owen.

[ellstersmash]

Three: Fifteen

Fandom: Dragon Age

Pairing: Solas x f!Lavellan (Modern!AU)

Rating: overall E for Explicit | this chapter T for Teen

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--

    [  Results were inconclusive. Again. Any last-minute suggestions?  ]

Athi reads the message from Solas, then reads it again. Is ready to send back [???] but her phone buzzes again before she has the chance.

    [  Apologies. That was not intended for you.   ]

She smirks—

no shit

—deletes her question, taps out a response.

    [  :* i miss u too   ]

    [  oop sry. wrong #   ]

    [  Ha Ha.   ]

    [  sry bout ur results :(   ]

    [  Thank you. What are you doing today?  ]

“That Solas?” Sera says, not bothering to look up from her unbroken line of yellow glitter glue. “Tell him to suck it.”

    [  arts n crafts   ]

Athi snaps a quick picture of the mess they’ve made in their living room and sends it to him.

    [  sera says suck it   ]

    [  Of course she does.  ]

“He says hi.”

Sera gags dramatically. “Thought you wanted to help with all this, not flirt with your boyfriend.”

A snotty retort itches behind Athi’s teeth but she stifles it. Rolls her eyes instead and tosses her phone aside, the device bouncing once to rest face-down on the sofa cushion. She picks up a thick black marker with pungent permanent ink, and gets back to work filling in the block letters Sera lined earlier.

Her boyfriend. Gods, but that sounds strange. Childish. Like they go on dates behind the primary school, or pretend not to be having sex in the room down the hall from someone's parents’. And yet she finds herself giddy at the thought. To be fair, it’s all she has for the moment. The thought. He's off on some adventure, and she's stuck here. Again. They'd only had that one perfect day, breakfast and window shopping and holding hands like real life lovers under trees full of dry rainbow leaves fluttering their applause. And then he took a phone call and went home to pack and left first thing in the morning.

She wonders just how often this happens.

How important could it be? Not like a bunch of ancient artifacts are going to up and wander off if he can’t go poke at them right away. A mental note to ask him later, and she moves this poster to the pile of finished ones and exchanges it for another that says “YOUR VILLAGE —> OUR CITY.” Cute, though maybe a smidge too reliant on humans knowing their history.

“Sure you don’t want to come?” Sera asks.

“That’s not—” Athi sighs. “I told you, I have work.”

“Yeah, but isn’t this more important?”

“I don’t know. Do you want rent paid?”

Sera quiets, kicking her legs back and forth as she works. Her glue bottle sputters, spits shimmer all over. A frustrated grunt and she tosses it aside, rolls onto her back.

“I’m just saying you should care is all. ‘S not going to get any better if nobody makes noise, and nobody’s making it for us.”

“Us?" Athi scoffs. "When we met, you said—and I quote—‘So glad you’re not one of those elfy elves.’”

“Yeah, well, therapy’s all right. Besides, it’s not for elves, or not just. It’s for whoever gets stepped on. That means us.”

“I didn’t know you were in therapy.” 

“Maybe I don’t tell you everything," Sera mutters. “Thought of that?”

Athi caps her marker and lays it down. It’s just a feeling, but it's nagging. Persistent. Like and yet unlike the one she still gets when her papae calls her by her full name. Isalathena Sulahnera Lavellan, come here this instant, and it’s heavy on her chest, sitting right on top of her breastbone. Guilty, but she's not.

“What’s wrong?” she asks. Throws it out there before the feeling gets stale and she decides it's something she can live with.

“Nothing.”

“Right, ok, except for it’s not, so come on. Let's get it out and over with.”

Sera sits up, blonde hair sticking out in a couple new directions. “What’s your problem?”

“You! You’ve been acting weird all week, Ser. Haven’t come in for lunch or been home at night, responded to texts—”

“If you think I want to be in the next room while you and—”

“Oh, so you have a problem with Solas? That was one—”

“No!” Sera groans in frustration. “I mean, yeah, he is kind of old, and talks about old stuff a lot, and he’s all”—she straightens her spine into an uncomfortable posture, then slouches again—“but I like him well enough.”

"Then what?"

Sera stares at her hands for a while. Then out the window. Then at the wall. Then back at her hands. Athi’s patience is thin on a good day, and it takes a lot of willpower to keep quiet as Sera opens her mouth and closes it again, false start after false start.

Finally, Sera blurts out: “I want to ask Dagna to move in.”

Athi has no idea what she was expecting, but not that. Searching for some way to relate it to her own behavior, to justify her feeling or shove it aside, she takes so long to form a response that Sera begins to fidget.

“You what?” she asks at last, thoroughly stumped.

“I want to ask Dagna—”

“Yeah, I…” Athi tries to catch up, shuffles through the past month as best as she can in the pause between. “Here?”

Sera squints at her like she's stupid, but that's fair. It was a stupid thing to say. 

“No, my mother's. Yes here!” 

“I’m sorry, I didn't realize you two were dating again. What’s it been, a year since you broke up?” 

“Yeah. You were out at your friend’s place. Better you missed the makeup sex, though, yeah? More room for fun.” 

At first Sera’s cheeky grin has Athi smiling too. It’s a relief to talk about someone else’s shit instead of her own, but then Sera glances toward the couch and—

Oh.

Oh gods, she wouldn’t have . . . would she?

Athi gets up for a glass of water, makes it two at Sera’s request. Sits cross-legged on the coffee table when she comes back. Just to be safe.

“Isn’t it a bit fast?” she asks.

“Maybe. Doesn’t feel fast, though. If you add 'em all up it's been like, a few years or something, so it sort of works out to normal. If you think about it.”

“I guess.”

Sera empties her glass in one go. “Her lease is up next month,” she says.

Athi nods. “Right. So soon, then. Um… and if it doesn’t work out?” She leaves out the again, but it’s implied.

“But that’s why I should do it! See, I keep losing her because I’m not in. She was serious about us, but I kept messing around. Don’t even know why, really.” She looks on the edge of losing her momentum, halfway to introspection, then snaps back into the room. “But therapy! So this time, like Wicked Grace, right? I’m all in and she’ll see I mean it. And then it’ll work out.”

Her logic isn’t quite flawed but it’s far from perfect. Still, friends don't tell friends to be afraid. Especially when those friends have clearly put a lot of thought into their dynamic-altering life-changing decisions. So Athi drops the questions.

“Wow,” she says instead. “I didn’t know you felt that way about her.”

Sera shifts into soft focus and smiles, a faraway look in her eyes. “Me either.”

She seems so certain. Satisfied, and happy. Really, truly happy. And it’s kind of fucking beautiful.

Feeling overcome for no good reason, Athi goes back to her task. Long thick careful black lines, then short ones. She marks a pattern with them to make it less work and more play. Not that anyone will see unless they’re trying. And as she makes the spaces solid, a thought occurs to her.

“So,” she says, bright. Like it’s no big deal. “Do you want me to move out?”

“What? No! Course not. Why would you say that?”

There’s no time to answer. After so much silence, Sera bubbles over with unused conversation. 

“I mean, do you want to move out? You’re not moving in with Solas are you? Gross. Definitely too fast for that one. Bet he wants to get married first, in a chantry and everything. Is he Andrastian, do you know? Where is he, anyway? He travels a lot for work, right? Must be nice. Wonder if his job pays for it. Is he gone now?”

Too many questions, so Athi answers the last one.

“Yeah. Flies in late tonight. He’s picking me up after work.”

Sera snorts. “What, picking you up? So you wouldn’t get up to take him in, huh? Good girl. Stay strong. Trust me, you drive him once and you're in for forever.”

“No, he didn’t even ask. Figured he’d take a cab or something, but I guess he drove himself.”

“And paid for parking? What’s he, loaded?”

Athi grins and crosses her fingers.

“Real nice. I’m serious, Ath, that’s some weird psychopath shit. Nobody drives their own self to the airport. No one who has friends, anyway.”

"I think he's just used to being alone.”

“Way to make it sad.”

"Alone doesn't mean sad."

"It kind of is though. But then, he’s got people, right? Like Varric, and, well... I don’t know. People.”

Athi shrugs. “Habits can be hard to break, especially when you’re not trying.”

“Ooh. Very wise today."

"Shut up."

"I mean it!"

She doesn’t tell Sera about the other things. The books covering all his furniture. The busted bathroom door that he removed rather than replaced. The singular coaster on his side table. The way he forgets to be hospitable, then overcorrects, asks her if she needs anything three times in a row. His house, his life, is not prepared for the presence of others. Not meant to host company or take in strays or accommodate a lover, meant for him and his needs and his convenience and no more.

And she’s honestly not sure if that makes her an exception or an intruder.

--

“Woah.”

The door slams shut behind her. Very nearly catches her in the ass but she happened to freeze just beyond its reach.

The place is gutted. Or maybe it's not? Ceiling and walls are fine and nothing she can place is missing, tables and chairs and bottles of booze all present and accounted for, but it looks fucking empty. And clean, though she can’t tell if that’s real or just the lack of tasteless decor.

“I know, right?” Tali dumps a bucket of ice in the bin with the rest. “It was like this when I showed up today.”

Athi drifts in slow, perturbed by the smell of cleaning solution and the lack of clutter. Hangs her purse on the coat rack just inside the office, her jacket on top of that. Pulls her hair back, ties her apron, washes her hands.

“Were we robbed?” she asks, only half joking.

“Technically, that would be a burglary.”

“Were we burglarized?”

“You know,” Tali says, “If someone broke in just to take those awful knick-knacks and creepy pictures Seggrit had up, I say more power to ‘em. Enjoy your ghosts, thief!"

Athi giggles. “Worst was the cabin.”

“Are you kidding? I couldn’t even look at that family one. The kid’s vacant stare, blessed Andraste, I wanted to flip it around every time I walked in that door. And you know that cat had seen things. I mean, did Seggrit know them? Why were they on our wall?”

"Somebody had to keep an eye on us."

"And make sure we weren't flirting with tall handsome customers in the back alley?" Tali grins, tongue stuck out between her teeth.

"Why? You make that a habit too?"

Tali wrings out and refolds her bar towel. “Ok, sweetie. Keep your secrets. I'll get my details one day."

"Anyway." Athi gestures at the naked walls. "Change!"

"Right. It was Seggie for sure. He was here when I came in. Must have dealt with all that crap this morning, though I couldn't say what he did with all of it. Or why. Oh! And he left that.”

Tali reaches back and raps a knuckle on the fridge where a sheet of paper hangs. Athi slides it out from under the magnet. Scans its contents. Flips it writing-side-out toward Tali.

“The fuck is this?”

“A cleaning list.”

“I can see that. Seggrit made it?”

“Either that or your writer pal is moving in for real.”

“And that’s not strange to you? That he cares?”

Tali shrugs one shoulder. “Maybe he’s decided to rejuvenate this place. You know? Spruce it up, invest a little time, maybe hire some better bartenders.”

“Hey, don't sell yourself short."

"Bold of you to assume I meant myself."

“This is weird, though. Right?" She reads off the paper. "Sweep out back? Deep-clean the office? Dust the brick wall? Tali, most of these have nothing to do with anything. Where are the temp checks? Or the fucking tap lines? Or, you know, any of the shit we should actually be doing?"

“Beats me, babe. I'm just glad he's getting involved. You should’ve seen him whirling around here earlier. Something seems to have lit a fire under his rear-end.”

Another feeling, but she can't place this one. It all fits together somehow, or should. The list and the bare walls and the lack of fire hazards. Chewing on the puzzle, Athi picks a task at random, takes a spray bottle and a coffee filter to the windows. Even free of five years’ grime and in full sun, they don’t illuminate much. But that’s all right. The list says clean, and they are definitely that.

[dementedgnomicwizard]

celestriakle replied to your post “oh my god i fucking HATE the wolf 359 finale no podcast has ever made...”

Man I feel you. Personally I didn’t see a tpk coming and for me that probably woulda been too dark, but I remember feeling so weird about the ending as is, it was just, uncomfortable? It felt like they were trying for a happy ending and def did not get there, there was for sure a balance off. (Keeping in mind I listened like 2 or 3 years ago probably)

yeah i think it was maybe me being used to/having a preference for slightly darker fiction generally gfdhsjkhf i like stuff that’s humorous and doesn’t emotionally fatigue you but the stakes are high as hell and you know that none of the characters are ever 100% safe regardless of how much of a main character they are yk

ok i just started writing and then it got Long so i’m putting this under a readmore, ALSO HUUUGE SPOILERS UP AHEAD OBV FOR ANYONE WONDERING

what put that idea in my head initially was when eiffel almost got sent back to earth and turned back—in my head i was like ah, okay, so that’s the moment where he makes his Choice to come back no matter the cost, they’re gearing up for an Ultimate Sacrifice ending. (now looking back i’m like.... well. i Guess that’s still what was going on but.... lol.)

i assumed that for most of the episode the plan would be “stop goddard+kill cutter pryce and young, get home,” and that towards the end it would become clear that there wasn’t enough time/options/whatever to accomplish all of the above (either that they would succeed in killing cutter+price+young but in order to finish it they’d have to stay on the station as it crossed the red line or something like that, or that they would realize there were no options left besides destroying the station with everyone on board) and they’d have some touching moment as a crew where they reflect on all the development they’d undergone as people throughout the journey and all things considered are pretty gung-ho about accepting what has to happen.

it just feels (to me) like the logical and satisfying conclusion for their arcs! they finally have ALL the answers they’ve been looking for, they’ve succeeded in stopping goddard, etc. for lovelace it would’ve been a pretty kick-ass “the captain always goes down with the ship” moment and honestly a well-deserved /rest/ after everything she’s been through and all the loss she’s witnessed (because... um... can she die? now? of anything? bc it doesn’t seem likely, and ‘going back to earth so i can settle into a normal life again and then watch everyone i know get old and die around me while i stay alive because i’m not fully me anymore’ feels like ... kind of a really cold and sad ending for her, considering everything). 

for hera it would’ve been a chance to (once again) reaffirm her humanity and just how much she’s progressed beyond what goddard tried to make her be; a really excellent final fuck-you, ESPECIALLY if the nature of the TPK in question was like “hera has to initiate the self-destruct and pryce is alive to witness this but powerless to stop her for once.” 

for jacobi... i mean... like am i forgetting something or did they just not really bother establishing much information about like, what jacobi has to return to on earth? bc it seems like blowing the station could’ve been a way for him to 1) let go of a lot of his guilt/grief over maxwell and 2) a salute to kepler for his efforts (assuming that by the time the TPK happens kepler has already been revealed as a double-double agent + swooced out the airlock)

for eiffel it would’ve been a good conclusion to the Massive amounts of development he had; he spent the entirety of the show slowly and painfully learning how NOT to be an asshole/selfish/basically everything that he Was that contributed to destroying his life on earth care about, and how TO Show Up For the people around him despite getting off on the wrong foot initially. he arrived on the hephaestus as a (mostly) well-meaning but self-absorbed jackass with virtually no concept of boundaries or self-restraint, and by the end of the show he’d Realized this about himself and put in a colossal amount of hard work in order to Be Better... and then at the very peak of that arc, which the audience and the characters themselves have invested so much time and energy into, the decision is just to... throw all of it away? IT’S JUST GDFKSJGHFDK SOOO MUCH MORE FRUSTRATING TO ME THAN IF THEY’D JUST STRAIGHT-UP KILLED HIM because they try to dance around it like “Ahhh but IS he the same person anymore... who can never be sure.... maybe it’s a second chance....” but that logic just doesn’t WORK given the questions+answers about what makes up one’s humanity/personality as established AT LENGTH by like everything else in the show!! according to everything we’ve learned so far from hera/maxwell/pryce etc as they address these questions through the lens of the AI system, the answer to “are you still the same person if you’re physically unchanged but every single one of your memories is altered or removed?” is a resounding “NO.” i hate it when writers spend their entire story establishing certain rules/information/logic and then suddenly make decisions that completely fly in the face of all of it and think it’s a “subversion” when really what that’s called is “a bad writing decision.” i genuinely think they were just too hesitant to actually kill him so they tried to do “the next best thing” but it just... didn’t work the way they wanted it to. i’ll elaborate more on why i think they would’ve been afraid to kill him (beyond just “he is the beloved main character”) in a second 

for minkowski... i mean... from a character/writing standpoint, if lovelace, hera, or eiffel (not including jacobi here only bc i don’t think they were QUITE close enough by the end for his death to have caused her As Much guilt as the other three would have) died during the finale then minkowski would almost definitely have to die as well, bc her primary motivation as we’re all very aware is to ensure the safety of her crew above all else; i don’t think there’s a universe where minkowski is okay with leaving herself if all three aren’t with her. BUT i think this became a corner that they wrote themselves into with her by the end, because then (i assume) the dilemma became “well, as much as we might like to, we basically can’t kill off any one single other character, because it will cut minkowski’s strings” WHIIICH is why i think they couldn’t go through with killing eiffel. 

ANYWAY. YEAH. ALL THIS TO SAY for me personally an ending where the characters all have to sacrifice themselves, but it’s a choice they arrive at together easily + something they welcome and accept without much sadness/regret because they’ve done everything they could (and, in the case of those crewmembers w active ties to earth, successfully ensured the safety of their loved ones on earth) would’ve made a lot of sense and been satisfying. i’d be sad, definitely, but in an “this story and characters were excellent and i’m sad it’s over” way more than a “wait i’m so frustrated by this ending that can’t possibly just be It” way

[shamelessly4shameless-blog]

The Sand In Your Shoe (pt 7)

Ian waited and waited. 

For the first week, his heart rushed into his throat whenever a text message came through and he couldn’t seem to get his phone out of his pocket without fumbling it.

After two weeks, he stopped putting it into a baggy whenever he wanted to shower for fear of missing a call.

After three weeks, he made himself turn it off at night so that he wouldn’t be in a constant state of waiting.

He went back to the Alibi to talk to Svetlana and she told him Mickey would either call or he would not. It was probably the least helpful conversation Ian had ever had.

He tried to call Mandy, feeling shitty that he was calling after all this time just to get hold of her brother, but the number he had for her was disconnected.

Finally, at a loss of what else to do, he asked Debbie to show him how Facebook worked.

They met at a coffee shop while Frannie was at pre-school, Debbie was on her lunchbreak from the diner over the street and Ian paid for coffee and sandwiches whilst she set him up.

“It’s literally so easy. You make a profile and add people. It’s like a boring version of Tinder … or Grindr, I guess.”

She tapped away on the screen, pausing to ask his email address and which photo he wanted but otherwise completely focussed on her task. It seemed to be a trait of the redheaded Gallaghers, total and unwavering focus on any set goal.

“Cool.”

Ian nodded and bit his lip, watching her work.

“I don’t think he’ll be on here though.”

“Who?”

“Mickey. Like, he might be but not with his real name.”

Debbie looked up and smiled at her big brother gently.

“It’s OK, I won’t tell Fiona you’re looking.”

“You can … if you wanted to. I don’t really care what she thinks about it.”

Ian shrugged.

“You’re all set. Want me to search him for you?”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll do it later.”

Ian slipped his phone into his hoodie pocket and gave Debbie a half hearted smile.

“Besides, even if he wasn’t a fugitive, Mickey wasn’t really a social media kind of guy.”

“No, but he loved you enough to want to kill Sammi for you so he might have made a profile or something so you could find him.”

Debbie stood up and collected her purse from under the seat, ignoring the way Ian dropped his eyes to the floor and started fidgeting with a stray sugar packet on the table.

“Listen, Ian, you loved him and you clearly still do. You left him before because you needed to focus on yourself and that’s fine, but if you find him and don’t go to him now, you’re an idiot.”

“Debs, you don’t understand …”

Huffing, she looked at her watch and then sat down again, reaching across the table to grip his hand tightly.

“I really do. I had a baby because I loved Derek and he split because he had to focus on his life. Crime was Mickey’s baby. He chose to break out of prison because he couldn’t stand being away from you … and probably because prison sucks but I bet you were the biggest pull,”

She pushed a stray auburn curl out of her eyes, not relinquishing the grip on Ian’s fingers

“You couldn’t be part of that crime at the time because you had just got your life where you wanted it to be and I bet no one, including Mickey, really blames you for it, but if you let this go now, without trying to be something to him, you’re just an asshole.”

“Did Derek get in touch or something?”

Ian asked trying to cover up his shock and Debbie laughed

“No, Derek is an asshole. But you’re not.”

She stood up and hoisted her bag onto her shoulder, kissing her brother’s cheek.

“Let me know if you find him and if you need someone to water your plants while you’re away.”

*

Ian walked home in a bit of a daze. Debbie’s words had hit him hard and the heavy weight of guilt and anger that had surrounded everything that had happened at the border began to soften into something more manageable.

Debbie was right. Mickey had chosen to escape and that choice had tied one hand behind his back in regard to setting up a stable, normal life with Ian. It put strains and demands on them that at the time, Ian wasn’t ready for at all and so he did what he did to try and take care of himself. That really was an OK choice to have made, no matter how shitty it felt at the time and since.

But equally, Ian didn’t have that excuse anymore. He was stable and his moods were better, his life was balanced. He had nothing to be scared of in himself and he owed Mickey a proper explanation. Even if it was late. What Mickey did with that was up to him. If he told Ian to fuck off and never contact him again? Well it would suck but that would be his choice and Ian would respect it. If he told him he hated him? Ian swallowed and clenched his jaw, stopping so suddenly the guy behind bumped into him and staggered past with a dirty look.

If Mickey actually said the words ‘I hate you’ then Ian would just have to deal with that.

*

Ian made himself a tea, poured it down the sink and took a beer from the fridge instead. He changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants and leant against the kitchen counter sipping his beer and tapping his thumb against the blank screen of his phone. He was afraid. Afraid that he’d find Mickey and he’d be in a relationship. Afraid that he wouldn’t be. Afraid that he wouldn’t find him at all.

He gave himself until the beer line disappeared beneath the blue paper label and then pressed the centre button and watched as the screen lit up.

He navigated to the search bar and after one final sip of his drink, began typing.

Mickey Milkovich - nothing

Mikhailo Milkovich – Five old fat guys and one person who had a Christmas tree as their picture. Defintiely not Mickey.

Mick Milkovich – a college student, two old skinny guys, an old fat guy and a lady with cropped blonde hair.

Milkovich – over two thousand results, none of them Mickey but called one that looked suspiciously like… Mandy!

Ian peered at the phone, his face splitting into a wide grin as he looked at her. She was on a beach, wearing a bikini and flipping off the photographer and she looked so damn happy … Ian felt tears prickle behind his eyes and blinked them away impatiently. He clicked on the little envelope at the top of the screen and typed a message before he could think too much about it:

‘Hey gorgeous, long time no see!’

Within a minute the little grey tick at the side of the message turns blue and moments later he get’s her reply

‘OMG! Ian! How the fuck r u?’

‘Good. Sorry it’s been so long.’

‘U better be! South Side?’

‘North Side. U?’

‘Mexico.’

Ian swallows heavily and lets his thumb hover above the keyboard on screen. Should he ask her? Could he? Mandy was his best friend and his focus should be completely on her but …

‘M call you?’

The message pops up while he is still thinking and Ian’s heart skips a beat and he drops the phone on the floor, quickly scrabbling to pick it up.

‘nsj6644lm’

‘WTF?’

‘Sorry, dropped my phone. M hasn’t called me.’

‘O.’

‘How is he?’

‘Good. U miss him?’

‘Miss both of u’

‘Gonna fuck up again?’

‘No’

Ian could type more but it seems unnecessary. He knows Mandy will trust him based on that word alone and for that he is grateful beyond words. Ian watches the little blue tick beside his message and waits. Minutes tick by and he wonders if Mandy has gone offline but he doesn’t put his phone down, just holds it and keeps waiting.

Finally a message pops up.

‘Tamaulipas. Don’t fuck up. ILY’

Ian stares at it uncomprehendingly for a moment and then Googles it. It is a Mexican state.

‘TY. ILY2’

He types back and goes back to Google. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for exactly but something … a picture of Mickey in some tourist shots maybe ... a notice about a crime spree four years ago … a fucking mention of something related to him. Ian just needs to see something, anything really.

He searches for three hours, phones in sick to work, completes his mental health checklist and determines that this is extreme circumstances, makes a sandwich when his eyes start aching and then goes straight back to his search. He has typed every iteration of ‘Mikhailo’ and ‘Milkovich’ he can think of and nothing comes up at all. He takes a shower, goes for a run to get rid of some frustrated energy and comes back to the house just as the sun is setting over Chicago. He messages Mandy

‘Where?’

But she doesn’t respond and he doesn’t really expect her to. If Mickey is really in Tamaulipas then she is probably going to be a shit-storm of trouble with him for telling someone; but Ian has seen the siblings fight numerous times and he knows that Mandy can hold her own.

In a moment of flippant desperation, Ian types the word ‘Gallagher Mexico’ but misses the ‘H’ and accidentally types ‘Gallager Mexico’. Google comes up with the little circular searching button and Ian waits impatiently for it to finish so he can correct his mistake.

‘Did you mean ‘Galagers Mexico’?’

Ian frowns. He has only seen his name spelt that way once. He clicks on the link below the suggestion and is taken back to Facebook. Galagers is a bar in La Pesca, Tamaulipas. There is pretty much no information about it except the address and a couple of reviews. Ian reads the first one and as he does so, slowly sinks down to the floor, not bothering to stem the tears that slip down his face.

‘Cool little place on the beach. Chilled out vibe for the most part but don’t bother trying to be nice to the American staff, both pretty rude.’

Ian doesn’t need to see more. He checks on his map app and books a flight to Brownsville, Texas for the next day. He calls his boss and says that he needs to take a weeks vacation. Maria is pissed but she lets him do it as he has way too much time to use up anyway. He texts Debbie to ask her to water his plants, checks his savings account for the first time in weeks and is pleasantly surprised, finally he throws some clothes into a bag and then picks up his phone again and messages Mandy.

‘OMW’

[prettieparker86]

Degrees of Freedom

Pairing: Mohamed “Mo” Lundy x Reader

Part 2

Gif Credit: @maurawrites​, she makes amazing gifs! Thank you for letting me use these gifs.

A/N: I could never find any stories for this character and honestly, it’s one of my favorites. And you know me, if I can’t find what I’m looking for, I try to create it. So here it is. It follows a similar concept as the movie. I really liked the movie concept, but it doesn’t follow the movie exactly. Also I like to add kids with Boyd apparently. I always imagine he’s great with them. I don’t know... You’ll have to take that one up with my ovaries lol.

Any questions, just ask. And hey, if you like it, let a girl know :) Gracias!

You follow the paved road, gravel lining the sides, grass growing wild just beyond that. Your eyes flick to the GPS on your phone as it guides you before your gaze returns to the road.

“Are we there yet?” Your daughter calls from the backseat, swinging her doll around by the hair as she searches for your gaze in the rearview mirror. 

At four, a two-hour drive can feel like forever, but she’s been really good about it. Kind and gentle at heart, your baby girl has never been one to give you much trouble. She’s the light in your otherwise often dark life.

 “Almost there, baby,” You answer back as you spot your destination just up the road.

 An unobtrusive looking building, surrounded by a chain-link fence, tucked back along the trees and overgrowth. A sign by the road reading, Second Hope Animal Shelter. 

Slowing down the car, you pull onto the dirt road, passing the open gate, you move into the lot. You drive until you see an opening and other vehicles before pulling yours to a stop.

“We’re here, baby.” You tell your little girl, spotting the big smile that covers her face through the rearview mirror.

 “I want a doggie, mommy.” She tells you for the twentieth time since you told her where you guys were going today.

“Now remember, we’re only here to look at them, ok?” You remind her, trying to avoid a situation where your daughter insistently asks you for a dog for the rest of the day. 

While also trying to keep the details as why you took this two hour long drive scarce. 

Ella’s smart, too smart for her own good sometimes and the last thing either of you need is her accidentally slipping word to her daddy where you all were this afternoon.

You knew it was risky coming out here, if Billy found out there would be a hell to pay, but after catching Martin’s story on the local news, you knew you couldn’t stay away.

Climbing out of your car, you go around to get your daughter. She has her buckle off her booster seat and is ready to go before you even open the door. 

Flashing you a quick smile of excitement, she hops out of the car, her curly locks jumping as she goes.

 Taking her hand, you walk up to the wide opening. A woman seated at a desk spots you coming and rises to greet you, leaving behind the pen and paperwork she was working on. 

You notice she has gentle eyes that set you ease instantly as she approaches. 

“Can I help you?” She asks.

Finally there, your heart starts to beat a little faster and you become accurately aware of the humidity thick in the air.

“Yeah… I was hoping Martin might be here… Martin Lundy.” You ease out, keeping your breath as even as you can despite the continued thumping of your heart.

Her softness changes, not disappearing, but shifts ever so slightly with your answer. Her eyes scan over you and your little girl before she meets your gaze again.

“Whatcha want with, Mo?” She inquires, her tone even, but cautious. You can tell she wants to make sure you’re not here to cause trouble.

“I’m an old friend,” You answer, forcing a smile, hoping she can’t see how nervous you really are.

 Giving you and your little girl one more quick once over, she turns toward the swinging doors.

“Mo, you got visitors!” She calls, her voice carrying. She gives a polite smile and a quick nod before moving back to her desk, but her eyes never leave you all.

Giving your little girl’s hand a quick squeeze, you send a reassuring smile down at her as she gazes up at you. 

The sight of your baby girl easing your nerves a bit as your gaze lifts back up to the swinging doors in anticipation. 

It’s been five long years since you last saw him. You don’t have to wait long before he comes through those doors.

 The sight of him makes your heart starts to hammer hard in your chest, your palms growing sweaty. 

He’s in work boots and dirty tan coveralls, rolled up at the sleeves, unbuttoned at the top. 

Your eyes find his face, he looks older, but you can still find traces of the boy you grew up with. A short beard lines his jaw, mustache over his lip. His brown hair is short and choppy, but his eyes… 

His eyes you’d know anywhere. Same gentle, beautiful blue eyes you had loved since you were just a kid. Eyes you thought he lost behind bars, and seeing their beauty again nearly takes your breath.

The look in his eyes tells you he’s surprised to see you. You’re probably the last person he thought would come. He seems a little nervous maybe as he takes the sight of you in.

“Hey stranger,” You breath out with a welcoming grin.

“Hey” He answers back, his voice deep and gritty like listening to the blues on the radio.

A shuttered breath slips past your lips and you can’t hold back the feelings bursting in your chest any longer as you let go of your baby girl’s hand and step to him. 

Wrapping your arms around his neck, clutching him tight. Your arms trembling as you bury your face against his neck, breathing him in, hardly able to believe he’s really there.

You feel him stiffen beneath you and you worry you’ve over stepped your bounds and made him uncomfortable until you feel his arms slowly, cautiously wrap around you. His hold feels light as if he’s unsure this is ok. As if he’s unsure how to touch you now.

Tears fill your eyes as a ragged breath escapes your throat, vibrating against his skin before you feel his arms grip you tighter. Fifteen fucking years they stole from him. Fifteen years he spent rotting away.

You still remember the first time you went to see him after turning eighteen. His mama and sister had already cut off contact, moved away. Your mama told you not to go. Everyone had given up on him, but not you. 

You knew in your heart what kind of person he was. You never believed what they said he did. All those years you had written to him when you could. Waitin till the day you were old enough to visit. 

He’d never been one for trouble before. Always keeping to himself, he had been close to you through his sister, and you couldn’t bare to give up on him like everyone else.

 Seated across from Martin at a cold metal table. Covered in prison blues, you had seen death in his eyes, but not the ones they put him away for. No this was the death of him, of his innocence. 

He looked harder than you could have ever imagined seeing him. Something lethal in his stare. 

You had been a little afraid when he first came out and sat with you. He was big and strong, and ominous as all hell. 

The visit had been tense at first. You almost regretted coming, but as he leaned over to you, staring deep into your eyes, you knew Martin was still somewhere in there. 

That boy who use to spend the night at your house with his sister so he didn’t have to go home and you’d talk all night till the sun came up.

 “I didn’t do it.” You remember him saying. His eyes imploring you, begging you to believe him. “I didn’t kill those little girls. I didn’t even know-“

“I know,” You cut him off, reassuring him quick. Not an ounce of doubt on your breath as you snatched up his hand from where it rested on the table. “I know.”

Squeezing his hand, you remember thinking how rough his palm had become as your thumb dragged across it.

 You remember seeing a guard staring at you both, his gaze hard, stepping off the wall toward you as if he saw something he didn’t like before Martin swiftly pulled his hand back and the guard relaxed. 

You couldn’t help but feel as Martin pulled away… This place was soul crushing.

You visited him when you could, which wasn’t as often as you’d have liked, but once you met Ella’s dad, he demanded you stop seeing another man, and your hands were tied, but you never forgot about him.

 You let yourself get lost in Martin’s arms for a second longer before you release him and pull back. 

Wiping the tears that had stubbornly fallen, you smile up at him and take your daughter’s hand once again.

“God it’s good to see you. You look good, Martin.” You say almost breathless, hardly able to believe he’s standing before you, a fee man.

 “It’s Mohamed now… or Mo.” He explained, a nervousness still lingering on him. You can feel it. You figure it’s to be expected after all the time he spent away.

You nod with understanding. 

“Well how are you doing, Mo? When I saw you on the news I knew I had to come see you.” You explain, your eyes glued on him as a smile stretches wide on your face. 

God it was good to see him again. Just having him close filled your heart with an easy sort of joy.

 Mo nodded slowly. “I’m alright,” He answered, his gaze diverting from you. 

You can feel he’s holding back, you can feel he’s unsure, but you get the sense it’s not about you, but more all of this and everything that comes with it. He’s been away for a long time.

“Mommy, I want to see the doggies,” Ella speaks up impatiently, tugging on your hand.

You watch Mo’s eyes glance down at your little girl as if really noticing her for the first time before returning to meet your gaze. Something you can’t quite read hangs in his eyes, but you think he’s surprised to see you’re a mom.

 “Ella this is Mo. Mo this my daughter Ella.” You explain, finally giving a proper introduction as you smile down at your baby girl. Letting her know you heard her. 

“Hi Mo,” Her high little voice calls.

You glance over at Mo as he squats down low to the ground in front of your little girl.

“Hi Miss Ella, you like dogs?” He asks, speaking right to her, meeting her on her level.

You watch your little girl’s face light up. “I love doggies and kitties and horsies, and dolphins and-“

She continues as Mo lets out a deep chuckle, the sound of it reaching deep inside you.

 “You wanna go see some dogs?” He asks her, giving her the first real smile you’ve gotten out of him. A smile Ella doesn’t know makes her mom weak in the knees.

“I want to take one home.” She nods eagerly.

“Ella Mae we talked about this. Daddy would not be happy if we brought a dog home.” You remind her.

You spot Mo’s eyes glancing up at you briefly with the mention of her dad, before his gaze returns to Ella.

“How about we just go say hi?” He suggests.

 “Ok,” She nods, moving toward the swinging doors before Mo can even rise to his feet, trying to drag you with her.

“I guess she’s gonna lead,” You laugh, flashing him a smile as he extends his arm out to hold the swinging door as you slip past him.

Mo shows you and your little girl a few cages where Ella happily introduces herself to the dogs inside. 

Your baby girl has always loved animals and they seem to share in the love affair. You’ve always felt they sense her gentle spirit.

Next Mo takes you both to a cage with an especially sweet looking dog. Mostly all black with patches of all different colors on its coat and the sweetest eyes that instantly make you feel safe with it around Ella.

 Calling the dog over, Mo leans down to pet it through the fence as Ella follows his lead. Little bursts of laughter rip from her lips and echo through the kennel as the dog licks at her hand. 

Your eyes catch Mo’s as his smiling face flashes up to you with the sound of your little girl’s giggles. There’s still so much light in his eyes, it makes your heart beat a little faster.

 And god, if he isn’t handsome.  Still built solid and strong like you remember from visiting him in prison, unlike the skinny teenager who went inside, but he’s got none of the bite that use to emanate off him when you’d visit. No more anger. 

As the older brother of your childhood best friend, he was the first boy you ever had a crush on and looking at him now, you’re afraid to admit, much hasn’t changed for you. 

His looks have grown into something rough but sexy without trying while still holding such depth in his eyes.

 “I’m so glad they got you out.” You tell him before his eyes drop from yours.

Standing to his full height, Mo doesn’t meet your gaze, you noticed he seems to struggle with that, as he slowly nods. 

“Yeah, me too… I guess.” He admits honestly on a rich gritty breath, his gaze back on the sweet dog making your baby girl laugh.

You catch a look in his eye and you think that maybe you understand. You get use to a place after so long, get use to living a certain way, you miss it, even if it was poison.

You reach for his hand at his side, lacing yours together. Drawing his eyes back to you. “Just takes time.”

 Letting out a long breath, Mo nods, giving your hand a quick squeeze before letting go. The air between you grows quiet.  

You want to tell him you still have all the letters he wrote you hidden somewhere only you know. That you still read them during your darkest hours. 

Holding onto the connection he gave you. Holding onto the way he could make you feel. 

Somewhere deep inside of you, you had known you didn’t just come here to see if he was alright. You needed to see him. 

From the moment you caught that news report that he had been exonerated and released a few towns over, you knew you had to go. 

You had moved on years ago, your life kept going after he was sent away, but standing beside him now, you realized some things never change.

 “I’m so sorry I stopped coming to visit. Stopped writing. After I got with Billy and got pregnant, He just- he wasn’t having it. But I never stopped thinking of you, I never stopped caring.” You confess on a heavy burdened breath as tears you can’t hold back well up into your eyes. A few slipping down before you can stop them. 

You’d always felt so guilty about him. Everyone had given up on him and the thought that he would think you had done the same broke your heart.

 Glancing back at you, a deep softness fills Mo’s eyes with the sight of your tears. 

You watch as he reaches out toward your face, but stops before he ever touches you. You can see in his eyes, his heart’s conflicted.

“It’s ok to touch me.” You tell him, giving him a reassuring smile as you wipe away your tears.

Mo holds your gaze as you speak before quickly dropping his eyes and hand.

“I don’t know if your husband would think so.” He explains.

There’s that side of him again, a side you don’t recognize. A side you wonder has something to do with why he changed his name. A different man with a different set of values.

 Your smile cracks wider as a small laugh escapes you. 

“That’ll be the day… I’m not married, Mo. Billy’s not exactly what you call the marrying type, kid or not.”

Billy made it clear to you when you got pregnant he’d stand by you, but he wasn’t going to be tied down. He also wasn’t exactly who you planned to get saddled with either, but then again, you weren’t planning to get pregnant. 

Everyone pressured you to make it work for the baby. So you did. Your relationship was complicated, messy to say the least, but Ella meant everything to you, so you tried to make it work.

 Mo’s eyes glance up at you briefly and you swear you see surprise before his eyes drift over to the kennel.

“Then he’s a fool.” You hear him say low on his breath, more to himself than even you.

Your heart starts to beat faster with Mo’s admission. Wondering what he means by that. Wondering how he feels about you after all these years. 

But then a buzzing in your back pocket catches your attention and steals the moment. You fish your phone out and see you’ve got a message. Speak of the devil, It’s Billy. Quickly swiping the screen, the text appears.

-WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

Your heart instantly starts to pound, you throat tightens as you glance up quick to make sure Mo didn’t see it. 

Seeing his attention is back on Ella and the dog, you close the message and shove the phone back in your pocket.

An urgency sweeps through your veins. 

“We gotta go baby,” You tell Ella, reaching for her hand.

“No, not yet mommy.” Ella begs, but as you shoot her a glance she knows means business the little girl quiets down with a pout on her lips.

 Your mind scrambles, you gotta go, you gotta get back. Trying to figure out what excuse you can give Billy. 

He’d be furious if he knew you came out here, especially with Ella. And the last place you want to be is on Billy’s bad side, but he wasn’t supposed to be home yet and you’re still two hours away.

Sucking in a deep breath to compose yourself, you pick up your little girl as Mo leads you back out to the front.

Moving through the swinging doors, Mo stops and turns to you. 

His eyes searching yours in a way you worry means he senses your anxiety. You pray he doesn’t, but he always was good at picking up on things.

 “Can we come see you again some time?” You ask, before he can ask you something you can’t answer. 

Forcing a smile, you hope he can’t see the fear building inside you. 

He isn’t the only one who’s had to live under lock and key. You’ve had to learn the hard way prisons come in many shapes and sizes.

“Yeah,” Mo nods easy. 

Reaching over to the desk where the lady you assume is his boss is still seated at, he scribbles something down before handing it to you.

“Here’s my address and phone number. Your welcome anytime.” He tells you, gazing at you in a way that makes you wonder if even after all this time he can still read you like a book.

 Leaning over, you wrap him in a brief side hug. Placing a quick kiss on his cheek, the hairs tickling your lips. 

As you pull away, your eyes meet and lock. His piercing blue eyes sucking you in and for a brief moment you wish you could just stay. 

You feel his gaze reaching into you, somewhere deep within you, the way he could even when you were just kids. 

But you’ve both made your bed in this life, ain’t nothing to do but lie down in it.

Mo flashes Ella a quick smile and a goodbye as you go, your heart racing. 

Climbing into your car, you move quick. Mind scrambling as you reach for your phone.

Nona called- needed me to run a few errands for her. Didn’t want to disturb you at work. I’ll be home as soon as I can.

You send back to Billy, blowing out a shaky breath, you pray there won’t be hell to pay when you get home.

[oflgtfol]

ok so i think, as always, the book was better than the movie... ie, some final Thots on 2001 a space odyssey

like idk i just think the concepts were easier to work with when put down in words than purely visuals unless they built in stuff to provide explanation which idk how lol...

also they dedicated a huge amount of time to just fucking. visuals and nothing else it was actually kinda tedious like five whole minutes of just different shots of the same thing with some choir of human voices just doing monotone noises it was... weird lol. i think that time couldve been cut down and instead used to like... pace this shit better lmfao

like i think if i hadnt read the book i’d be INCREDIBLY confused about Everything. and the weird pacing didnt help......... like if there was more time dedicated to bowman making his way alone to jupiter (in the movie, saturn in the book) then it’d be better and it’d show his alteration in psyche.. instead we got a time skip... and then there was a whole process for him entering the star gate but in the movie its just him staring out the window at jupiter and then suddenly some weird line appears and BOOM PSYCHEDELIC TRIP like LOL what??? ALSO LIKE -50 POINTS FOR NOT HAVING THE LINE “OH MY GOD IT’S FULL OF STARS” BECAUSE THEY TOOK AWAY THE STAR GATE!!!! and again fuck you for not showing the inverted colors place i was PSYCHED to see that on screen but uh ahhaha no its just a bunch of landscapes in weird neon colors for like 5-10 whole minutes.. ok.........

the hotel scene couldve been done better too :/ in fact i think the tone of several scenes kinda got lost.. like hal’s death was, it was ok i guess but it didnt have as much of an impact on me as it did in the book. but i DID like how there was actually a reaction from bowman during it which wasnt really in the book beyond “wow this is harder than i thought lol” as if he isnt purposefully killing what he considers another crewmate for his own survival LOL

but uhm yeah the entire final act of the book .. bowman had basically said fuck it to a normal life lol he literally was like “i’ve made it this far and im not gonna be stopped now” he just went right fuckin into that star gate and he embraced the hell out of it.... the entire time he was in awe and he even said he wasnt very afraid. he took notice that despite being in such a dangerous situation he was being taken care of so obviously whatever brought him there wanted him alive and safe... he only ever got cautious when in the hotel room. there, he was anxious for the first time bc he thought he was like the representative of the human race so he didnt want to be stupid and fuck it up, but he also was afraid of being overly cautious in case that was Being Stupid.. so he went around the room investigating stuff, he noticed that the room was a decoy set up by the aliens based off what was portrayed in human media and it was used to put him at ease, he literally took a shower and went to sleep.. idk there was a lot of nuance in that scene that i didnt appreciate at the time but the movie just . lol ok. the movie removed all of that and its really quite incomprehensible. i only understand what was going on because i read the book. the scene really accomplished nothing for the narrative in the movie but in the book it tied up all the loose ends (the giant shockwave of static when the monolith was exposed to sunlight was the aliens collecting all humans transmissions - thats how they learned to replicate the hotel room for bowman, cause familiarity puts one at ease. the movie retained the radio static but in removing the details of the hotel room scene that shit is like literally never explained so lmfao)

ALSO. the man apes at the beginning. the movie literally never says that they evolved because of the monolith. it vaguely implies it but unless you read the book im like 99% sure it would go over your head. legit the man apes dance around the monolith and then start using bones to beat the shit out of animals and each other and thats it LOL. in the book it showed the monolith forcing them to learn how to use tools, even accidentally killing one in the process, and then it showed how they begin to think along the lines of predators and using tools as weapons. also the book said that the man apes didnt care about the monolith at all bc they thought it was just a rock and like who cares about rocks when you’re fighting to survive everyday, and even when it proved to be more than a rock they still didnt care when it was suddenly gone lol, meanwhile the movie had the fucking one ape wake up and immediately start screaming and waking the others up when it saw the monolith and then they all started gathering around it and stroking it like uhm lol what.. the whole point of this part is that theyre more like animals than humans still and i dont think animals are really that aware of things.. yeah they may be curious as to a new object and maybe start sniffing it but like WOW it was a HUGE deal to them in the movie lol????????)

ALSO I DIDNT LIKE HOW THE MOVIE CHARACTERIZED HAL. hal was made to be sympathetic in the books, in fact its never explicitly said but he’s... very near a human in psyche at least. he never kills anyone on purpose - they only die on accident. he acts out due to guilt over hiding the truth of the mission from bowman and poole, panic when his attempts at thwarting them start to go wrong, and naivety, when he doesnt know what sleep is because he’s a robot and he thinks sleep is equivalent to death and so he thinks bowman and poole are going to kill him. theyre all very human emotions, and even bowman says that he can sympathize with that despite being a direct victim in all this lol. yet in the movie hal seems to generic Evil Robot’s True Evil Nature Is Revealed As Robot Goes Rogue And Kills Humans. his interactions with bowman and poole are very ominous and he seems to be deliberately lying to them, while in the book he seemed kinda hesitant about it.  and then movie hal goes and kills poole, bowman goes out to save him (which he doesnt do in the book), doesnt let bowman back in????, and then deliberately kills the other crewmembers currently in stasis.... but in the book hal killed poole to keep him from discovering that hal was lying, bowman gets suspicious that hal is going Bad so he goes to wake up the 3 other crewmembers, hal opens the airlocks when bowman is waking them up, killing the 3 and attempting to kill bowman out of self defense due to bowman planning to disconnect hal, which hal thinks is Death. i mean ultimately, yes hal killed them all, but the motives behind it are different and characterize him much differently as a result.. hal just seemed like an AI who was programmed to do a task even if it resulted in bad things in the movie, but in the book he genuinely felt almost human, and his artificial intelligence only really factored in when it came to him actually being able to deal with human emotions... a normal human would not kill people when their lie was starting to come unraveled (depending on the severity of the lie i guess), but hal has never dealt with this guilt and he literally doesnt even know what sleep is because hes not human, and thats what makes him do these bad things, and even then we never know for sure if he ever actually intended for them to wind up as murder lol

i mean the movie had fanTASTIC visuals but from the story perspective its uh. lacking lol.