#it's nothing personal seriously i'm just trying to get by while still enjoying my hobby and passion for rp

[blbcabelts]

gonna try to work on stuff i owe, so sorry for delays and people who have been waiting for things. life's been lifing lately and sometimes i get tunnel vision and sometimes i just have muse for some things and not others. ✌️

[warmtoastedbread]

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Cyno x reader

Fluff, slight angst? Reference to Sumeru archon Quest.

A/N: Ahhh Cyno my beloved main, my first five star, I adore this stupid little nerd <33 I'm cooking up more stories so I'll link a master list at some point. Not sure if I'll do a pt 2

Like and follow for more. I'll gladly answer asks in my inbox, I need more Genshin friends ( •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀ )

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By all accounts Cyno was an intense man.

He worked diligently at his job, day in and day out. He upheld justice and punished scholars who committed any of the six sins. It was widely known that he would go through extreme lengths to inflict fair judgement on the offending perpetrators. Even to those who'd done nothing wrong, felt immense pressure in his presence.

Genius Invocation was no mere hobby to Cyno. He consumed each new magazine or article about Genius Invocation in his spare time. Whether it was tid bits about the cards, creators or what was considered meta Cyno read it. He'd enter tournaments for the game, tournaments with the prize being a TCG card he knew about it.

He had taken you seriously from the very start. You had come to the table a few minutes late, not that Cyno minded he got there immensely early since he had some other matches to play. It gave him time to set up. He had chosen his personally curated hyperbloom team with a very fancy card back.

You sat down a little nervous as the General Mahtra gave you an indifferent look. You quickly set up your thome, taking out your cards and dice.

Cyno had won his other two matches with ease his winning streak remaining unbroken. He knew he would win from the moment you pulled out your deck.

It was a troll deck. A Dendro, an anemo and a Cryo player card with the rest of the deck being the default deck. You had forgotten to switch to your proper deck and it would take too long to go back home and fetch your proper deck. You sighed feeling guilty, as though the General Mahtra in front of you would codemn you for some reason.

His gaze was intense as he waited for you to set up both of you remained in silence.

You did well during the match much to Cyno's surprise. Two of your character cards were fallen while Cyno's cards still had hp. Only your Sucrose remained.

You played a food card at 0 cost gaining an extra health point. You doubted it would do much but it was worth a shot. Cyno was confident in his cards and simply waited for your turn to end. Even though this match was meant to be friendly, Cyno's intensity caused you to reciprocate his seriousness.

You sacrificed some cards to convert your dice and then made a normal attack using your Sucrose card. That normal attack swirled the Cryo and knocked the last two hp points off two of Cyno's cards.

You were bound to loose from the beginning, and you did, but Cyno enjoyed the competition as he had in his previous matches. You sigh, the adrenaline in your body starting to come down from it's high now that the match was over. His stare was something you wanted to avoid.

"Is that your usual deck?" He finally asks as the two of your shake hands and pack up your things.

He was immensely curious about your skill at the game because you had gotten so far with such a poor deck.

"Ah, no it's a deck I use to help get my friends used to the game. I just forgot to switch it back, sorry." You reply feeling awkward, the sweat on your hands still accumulating even after you wiped it away.

"This was a very good game though, your deck was really strong." You compliment trying not to get on his bad side.

Cyno wordlessly nodded as a thank you. He knew his deck was strong, he had worked for months getting the right cards and balancing it. Cyno wanted to play against you again, next time with a proper deck in hand so he can have a better game.

Cyno couldn't shut up about you every time Genius Invocation came up. Poor Tighnari had to hear over and over how good a player you were, how each choice you made was strategic and an accumulation of jokes related.

He invited you again to play the next time he was free, which was a few weeks later. The air was still immensely awkward when you arrived at Lambads tavern. You apologised for being late again but this time your excuse was that you made sure to bring the right deck this time.

He didn't mind. One match kept escalating and then Cyno made sure to invite you to play Genius Invocation each week. Even though you were still nervous the conversation flowed easier. You eventually learned that Cyno was significantly less scary than people made him out to be. He was still scarily intense.

Eventually you met his friends, they were nice but you felt out of place. They were fun even though you struggled to add to conversation.

Cyno was intense when he eventually asked you out. It was a romantic dinner by candle light, orchestrated by Collei after Tighnari told the stubborn General Mahtra he was in love.

He was nervous, intensely so, but the manner in which you caught his attention left him at peace. It felt calm, like a morning sunrise in the desert where nothing made a sound.

Soon that intensity showed through in his love for you. The years you two had dated was easy, unbelievably easy because he adored you more than anything. Even in the nights where he'd gotten home late from a mission you were there, snuggled up in bed waiting for him to return safely.

Your relationship had gotten particularly rocky when he resigned as General Mahamatra. He kissed you sweetly that night, told you he'd be gone for a few days on a mission and he left. Like usual.

It hurt more than anything because he left you in the dark. He hugged you goodbye, as he would when he left for any other reason but he left a letter on his desk at home. A letter addressed to you when you eventually got worried for him.

The sages were corrupted and he couldn't risk you getting involved it was just too dangerous. Cyno's absence was noticeable. Dinners that were once filled with idle chatter and bad jokes were quiet. The empty house you had once shared was suffocatingly lonely.

You had cried some nights, worried sick and hoping your lover was okay. You continued on, pushed through. That letter he left you was something you read frequently, scanning over the neat handwriting over and over.

You missed him dearly and only hoped he'd return home safely, like he did after every mission.

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My dearest,

I hope you're taking good care of yourself in my absence. I know you're worried for me but this mission is a task only I can inflict judgement on. Something immoral is happening and I left because investigating in Sumeru City will put you at risk.

Please don't misunderstand my intentions love, I will miss you dearly. You are at the center of my world and everything I do, I do with you in mind.

I regret that this situation has come to this but I can not let such abuse continue on. I will answer your every concern once I return, I promise.

If anything does happen please go to Tighnari in Ghandarva ville. He'll be able to help you with anything in the mean time.

With all my love, forever yours,

Cyno

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[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

Thank you so much for taking the time for your long reply on Schneider. You are absolutely right, and it really helps. Till is my favorite, can’t help it, but there are some things he has done that I didn’t like at all, either, and with some distance it either wasn’t as bad m or I just got used to it and ignored it. I guess I do the same with my friends, the older I get. I don’t take the stuff I don’t like so seriously anymore. I should so the same with the people I admire from afar but don’t really know.

So thank you so much for your input! And yes, I would definitely be interested in your take regarding the Schneider statement! ♥️

Hi, i think you're right, it helps that with age you know that not everything is just good or bad with nothing in between, nowadays on social media, if a person does or says one thing that others don't like, that seems to get targetted and everything else forgotten *or* completely ignored because it doesn't fit the favored narrative 🌺

While i'm happy to share my thoughts on Schneider's post, let me first share some of my pet peeves about others (or in general), because like i said in the previous post, all of them have done or said things that weren't my thing at the time or that temporarily or permanently changed the way i viewed them, just to avoid that i get a new anon response calling me a hater again 🌺

For Richard (yes, let's start there 😊) i really don't like how he is in his personal relationships, how all his girlfriends are almost carbon copies of eachother and how easily he switches from one to the other (polyamorous? Maybe, but 'sexual butterfly' i think is more fitting). As that is his personal life i usually don't comment on it, but i cringe when fans call him 'their perfect husband' 😊 Also (yes, there's more) that he almost broke up the band with his Mutter-era-mania and his feeling of being the one who was right and should have his way. What redeemed him for me is that in hindsight he completely owned up to everything that happened and took full responsibility (even recently in interviews). What i love about Richard, i've said it before, is not that i think he's perfect, but that he has his flaws and deals with them, always trying to improve himself (and imo he has improved a lot, as shown on stage the past years).

Another example is an actor i used to follow, watched all his movies, but who, as it turns out, is a big gun-enthusiast. And i happen to not like guns (rifles, shooters, whatever). I understand that in some parts of the world they are necessary to protect yourself from bears or lions or whatever, and i do enjoy watching weaponry as a sport in the olympics, how skilled the shooters are, but as a hobby? or thinking it's normal that kids can hold a gun? Nope, not my thing. That is a really big turn off for me, and i still have loads of dvd's with films of the actor, but never watch them anymore.

Okay, to Schneider's post (and again, please unfollow and/or block if you don't like my view)

- Was i surprised he posted it when he did? Yes.

- If i were Rammstein management, would i have advised him to post it? Probably not, but it seemed to hit Schneider pretty hard, we know now that Richard had to write in a statement on events that happened in 2019, i wouldn't be surprised if the others had to as well, so i can imagine that was a gutpunch, so maybe i would have gone with "sleep about it another night, read it again in the morning, and if you're sure..."

- Can i see how people feel it throws Till under the bus? Yes, i do (interestingly, Schneider was in the Mutter era also the most vocal in putting all the blame on Richard, where Paul f.i. also acknowledged that he himself was part of the problem. Eventually Richard acknowledged he was to blame (see above))

but....

his statement confirmed a lot for me that i sensed was happening for the last few years, since let's say 2019. Till creating his own bubble, having his own entourage (who imho indulge Till's tendency to selfdestruct), travelling with them, things happening that didn't seem to be 'the Rammstein way' but more extreme, the separate afterparties, the invites to Row0, there were so many pictures and side stories the last few tours (2019/2022) that to me it was there in plain sight, but in the fandom that was always shot down as 'not true', 'you don't know what you're talking about', 'you are a hater' or examples given of years earlier as 'proof' that Till would never do things like that. Well, not years earlier okay, but lately? Things have changed, Schneider's post confirmed it.

Also, the post is still up. And it is liked by many people close to the band, Schneider's wife (okay, maybe that's a given), Flake's wife, who also reposted it on her own page thanking Schneider for the post, but also Jens Koch, Olaf Heine, Jörn Heitmann, Tobias Ortman, David Geslbauer (and Sven Heibig on Flake's wife's post): People who have worked with the band in recent years, some currently on tour. Liking on social media ofcourse doesn't say a lot, some people like something without even reading it, but with the content so impactful, and the post still up, they could easily remove their like, but they didn't. For me it confirmed that this wasn't just a spur of the moment thing from Schneider, this was well thought out and heartfelt.

Do i personally feel Schneider throws Till under a bus? No, what for me makes the difference is that he writes at the end of the statement "All of us, all six. We stick together." Schneider is willing to work through it and improve things. And in those last lines, i read that the rest of the band are too, including, i sincerely hope, Till himself. From what we see on tour since the post, i have a feeling that the working through has started...in the six men marriage 🌺

just my 2 cts 🌺

[crayonurchin]

15 questions, 15 answers, tagged by @empressofthelibrary!

are you named after anyone? Sort of. My first name was the only name that mum and dad agreed on, but both my middle names are after my grandmothers!

when was the last time you cried? Today, I was walking the dog, saw a really whimsical fallen tree in the woods, and got emotional over it. That was just a little tear up though. A big cry was yesterday, reading more news on Palestine.

do you have kids? I do not, but I think in like, 10ish years, I'd like to adopt a kiddo. When I'm financially, emotionally and mentally ready for it, being a parent genuinely sounds nice to me, but I have 0 intention of ever giving birth. I've wanted to adopt since I was about 8 years old. I'm 27, and it's only NOW the thought of being pregnant isn't horrifying beyond words to me, but even if I wanted to have a uterus baby, I'd still adopt.

what sports do you play/have you played? I did quite a few martial arts classes growing up. Boxing, Kick boxing, karate, judo. I went to a cheerleading class once, but I got really bored because they wouldn't let me join in, so I left ^^;

do you use sarcasm? ... I don't know??? I've been told I am when I'm not trying to, and told I'm not when I'm trying to. I don't know, am I using sarcasm??!

what is the first thing you notice about people? Personal energy. As in, what's the vibe they're putting out. It sound so corny I know but I meet endless people at work and can only remember a few faces, but vibes have stuck with me.

what is your eye color? Dark brown! They look almost black unless I'm in the light, and it makes it look like I have giant pupils. I really like my eyes ^^

scary movies or happy endings? Oddly enough I'm all happy endings these days. I used to looooove scary movies, and while now I appreciate a good horror thriller, too much just drains me. Nothing wrong with a struggle in the film, but now, I want my good ending escapism.

any talents? I'm really good at throwing food into the air and catching it in my mouth. Other than that, I'm not too bad at singing belt style and I'm really good at performing for kids. parents tell me often they're impressed I keep the kids attention

where were you born? Hammersmith in West London in a particularly gloomy hospital XD Seriously, google pictures of Hammersmith London , some of the old buildings are gorgeous but it's all getting pretty grey over there

what are your hobbies? It's drawing. I just love to draw so much. Writing is something I'm trying to make into a job so it's less of a hobby now but I still like it. And while soap making is done only for conventions, I really enjoy doing it. And dungeons and dragons. Loooove d&d

do you have any pets? A very old cat named Crikey and a middle aged dog named Butch. Crikey is my baby boy and I adore him

how tall are you? 5'7

favorite subject in school? I liked art, it was fun and until A-Level my teachers kicked ass. Funnily enough I remember liking history until we had to do exams, where I learned liking history and being good at history are different things, and I started to hate it.

dream job? At this point, I'd like this. I'd like to write/ illustrate and publish books, and let that be enough to live on. As a side thing, I want to sell my soaps at a few conventions a year, and do kids parties maybe 1 day a week. So, all the stuff I'm doing now, I'd like to do at a level I can live happily on.

Okay, I'm tagging @paeonia-horse @theamishpirate and @kajeaynart

[elletromil]

Twenty questions for fic writers

Tagged by the wonderful @lucientelrunya , thank you dear :D

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

445 (soon to be 446 as soon as I finish procrastinating typing the thing back 😅)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

875,661

3. What fandoms do you write for?

So the two main ones are Kingsman and The Mystic Nine. I've written for a few others but usually i write like a couple fics and then move on. Kingsman is at 352 works (soon to be 353) and Mystic Nine at 35 works.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(At first i had fandom view on instead if flat view and was very confused that the fics from Altered Carbon was at the top xD)

1. I'll take my time and make it last - Kingsman fandom (2,539)

2. I'm not calling you a ghost - Kingsman fandom (2,246)

3. Jewels of Flowers - The Hobbit fandom (1,812) (very surprised and happy and proud that this one is still in the top 5. Its an old one and i still love it to pieces)

4. Come Sail Away (Into the Light of the Dark Black Night) - Kingsman fandom (1,229)

5. Before getting 101 dogs, you need at least 2 - Kingsman fandom (1,261)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try my absolute best to always respond. There has been months and moment in my life where I couldn't because well... Life happened but I do try my best. Even people who just send me little heart emojis, I will take the time to return those because it brought me joy and I want them to know I saw it <3

Sometimes i also don't answer because like many other things, if i don't answer as soon as i get the notification, i forgor.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh man... I'm a fluff-hearted person so I'm not sure at the top of my mind, but there must be at least one.

So Unsent Message in the Texting with a dead man series come to mind, but the next fics in that series are fix-it.

And also Homesick in the Home is in your arms series, but the next fic is also a fix-it xD

I don't to angst without a happy ending very well xD i might have a ficlet somewhere that is just angst, but i don't remember which one.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them!

But seriously, I would say the fic with the most indulgent ending I ever wrote was There's Something About Us, my Kingsman fusion with Daft Punk/Interstella 5555. Oh and also the Kisses Like a Thousand Snowflakes the christmas fluff fic I wrote my first year in the Kingsman fandom.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I don't think I do? Quite frankly if I ever did I just deleted the thing and didn't bother thinking about it ever again.

To anyone sending any kind of hate to a fic writer: my good peeps, it's a hobby, no one held a gun to your head and made you read. If you don't like it, stop reading and go do something you enjoy, you'll feel better about yourself afterward.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. Well I have a couple that are in the smut category, but I just... It doesn'tcome easy to me and while I read A LOT of smut, writing it insn't as interesting to me?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do when I feel like it could make sense? Like I did Kingsman and James bond crossovers or Kingsman and Bridget Jones ones. So like nothing wild in there.

The 'wildest' would have been the Daft Punk fusion, but its a fusion not a crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If so, I've never been aware of it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A few in the Kingsman fandom if i remember well? But they were hosted on non-ao3 websites.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yesss!

A few with @insanereddragon . While we would sure have become dear friends nonetheless, I still 100% believe that friendship was fasttracked when we decided to write a mini-bang together and that mini-bang turned into an actual big-bang (according to the challenge rules).

We both co-wrote something with @trekkiepirate and it was an absolute joy too

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I have so many!!!

But in Kingsman it's definitely Hartwin or Merhartwin.

And in the Mystic Nine its Fuba.

Also Arwen/Aragorn will forever have a spot in my heart because i love them

15. What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

My fic with android!Merlin in the Kingsman fandom. Damn i wanna write the ending to that one SO BAD because it would be so SAD but in a good way? And, yes I know, I just said I have a fluff-heart and like my endings happy and shit, but I contain multitudes ok?

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think dialogue? Dialogue is easy to me. It's often the first part of a scene I'll have down and then I build around it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

DESCRIPTIONS

I'm not so bad at it I think, but i just... I don't like it. It takes too much time. What do you mean the reader cannot picture in their mind exactly what I have in mine without the words to describe the thing?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think a long dialogue is kinda tedious for the writer and the reader. I will sometimes put a bit of french in my fics if i can justify it for a character because that's my first language and I'm fluent enough in it that i can make it flow. And I have put a few swedish words in some fics for a Swede character because I can bother the fabulous @solrosan with questions to make sure it I don't make myself an enemy out of the whole of Sweden somehow.

But yeah like... A bit is ok? But if its long-ass paragraph, i'd rather go the route of 'they switched to x-language' but have the convo written in english.

Also my stance on dialogue doesn't include stuff like honorific or nickname and stuff. Personally, i think that stuff should always be kept in the original language even if its a fic written in english. (Like say 'sakura-chan' instead of going 'miss sakura' or whatever)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

So in french we have :

written and never published - Card Captor Sakura.

Written and published - Lord of the Rings (the fics should still be up on ff.net under my pseudo at the time)

And in english : It's either Teen Wolf or the Hobbit. The Teen Wolf ones never made it to ao3, but the hobbit did. I could check my teen wolf tag on tumblr to compare dates but i'm lazy xD

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Ok so i will do a top five in no particular order. Considering the number of fic I have on ao3, i think it's fair.

-There's Something About Us because even if it's super indulgent, I still love it to pieces and I think it's very good. I will forever love @insanereddragon for bookbinding it as a surprised gift for me. It's in the top 2 gifts i've received in my lifetime with the time my australian friend found a way to send me flowers for my birthday.

-of flowers and fireflies the 'mini-bang-turned-big' I wrote with @insanereddragon writing this was so fun you peeps you have no idea (and the fic is so good because Red is so good at google fu and description and details)

-Not a miracle, it's a little collection of 4 horror ficlets and writing horror is so fun peeps, you have no idea

-Jewels of Flowers i remember writing this one in one night/evening and just having so much love for that verse

-The Texting with a dead man 'verse. Not a singular fic, but I had so much fun writing them and coming up with the titles and all

-The strong desires series (yes i know that makes 6 sue me). Its two short fics but damn i was proud of how hot (in my very biased opinion) I managed to make them without actual smut in it. One day, i wish to write more in that verse

Tagging @solrosan @honey-bee-britt @trekkiepirate @insanereddragon if you want to do it and anyone else who wishes to answers these :D

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

hi! may i request a romantic matchup for star rail, tears of themis, and bungou stray dogs please?

my name is twyla, i go by she/any pronouns, i’m acespec but im ok being matched with any gender. my mbti is intp or istp

appearance: i dye my hair pretty often throughout the year but right now it’s black with magenta pink highlights, exactly like draculaura but with a wolf/butterfly haircut and short/baby bangs. i have brown eyes and i’m quite curvy. i usually dress in a bold alternative style and occasionally academia, my style is really all over the place and depends on how im feeling but i’d say im pretty fashionable and often go out looking like a mall goth HAHA.

personality: im super chill and laid back, nothing really bothers me nor do i show it. im very patient with other people even when im annoyed by them. i come off as very monotone and stoic and i have really dry and sometimes offensive humor that would honestly get me cancelled by twitter in a matter of seconds. i joke around a lot and i usually have trouble taking things seriously. im kind of scatterbrained and get bored easily, and am always seeking some form of entertainment or mental stimulation. i’m definitely a realist too and i don’t expect much out of anything nor do i hold strong opinions or beliefs. im autistic+suspected adhd and that sometimes affects how i interact with others.

likes and dislikes: im honestly super nerdy and really interested in science and math like astrophysics, i love learning how things and the world works. im an astronomy nerd (not astrology/zodiacs im so sorry i kinda hate it with a burning passion) and i love astrophotography and stargazing. i read a lot of encyclopedias and watch documentaries about things i find interesting. im not really sure about the rest of my dislikes honestly, maybe just crowded spaces and rollercoasters

hobbies: a lot of things but i like to read and draw, research stuff, and sometimes cosplay. ive mentioned i liked stargazing and astrophotography too, and photo and video editing. i also play a lot of VN or rhythm games.

thank you!!

Hi Twyla! Your current hair sound awesome! I was a big Monster High kid so it's good to hear there are still fans out there. Thank you for your request! I hope you like your matchups!

In Honkai Star Rail, I match you with...

I'm not super familiar with Arlan's personality yet so hopefully this isn't too out of character!

Arlan's not super into science stuff but he does pick up on a few things working on the Herta Space Station. He'll also try his best to keep up with whatever you're telling him about whatever scientific field has caught you interest.

Would enjoy stargazing with you. The space station is the perfect place to do that anyway and Arlan knows all of the best spots to stargaze from.

His favourite part of stargazing with you though is watching you while you explain everything you know about each constellation. He can't help it. He just thinks your pretty while talking about things you're passionate in. Don't mention the soft smile or the blush on his face...

Your sense of humour balances out Arlan's more serious nature. He likes your jokes but often won't visibly react to them. Later, when he's alone in his room, he'll think back on what you've said thought the day and have a bit of a chuckle to himself.

In Tears of Themis, I match you with...

Marius pays close attention to your interests so he can make you artwork based on them. From paintings of your favourite constellations to sculptures of your favourite cosplays, there's a new art piece being gifted to you every couple of months.

Loves your sense of humour. He can't really make those sort of jokes due to his position (no need to make more scandal than there already is) but he loves it when you make them.

Marius absolutely plays rhythm games with you. He's fairly good at them so he might give you a run for your money. He will let you win on purpose sometimes...

Already has a fairly large collection of books so he's sure there are some on astronomy in there but he'll also buy you astronomy books and encyclopedias whenever he sees on you don't have when he's out.

Marius is definitely the type of person who has hired a observatory for the evening. With just the two of you there, it's nice and quiet and you have access to all of the telescopes.

You can look at the stars and he can watch you. He's happy when you're happy so seeing you enjoy yourself as a result of something he's done means a lot to him.

In Bungo Stray Dogs, I match you with...

Junichiro is another one who will listen to everything you have to say about your interests! He's hanging on every word.

He often feels like one of the less interesting members of the Armed Detective Agency so he's always on the look out for new hobbies and interests to pick up.

Stargazing dates! He'll pack a picnic with your favourite food and drinks and will take some blankets and pillows so you stay warm and comfortable for as long as you want to stay there.

I also see Junichiro as someone who would take you on carnival or arcade dates (avoiding the rollercoasters and the majority of the crowds of course). He'd try to win you some prizes but he'd also love to play the rhythm games with you.

Time spent with Junichiro is always guaranteed to be fun and mentally stimulating.

[more-than-a-princess]

[ hello, rae! i still have some time left before the new year begins for me, but i just wanna thank you for making my experience in the rpc a fun, uplifting one. ofc, i know i ended up taking a massive hiatus from kensuke and couldn’t even bring myself to write him long term (since i ended up hyperfixating over other characters and trying to get more interactions on him was like pulling teeth), but it still means a lot you welcomed me back with open arms!

like, i can’t express enough how grateful i am you ended up rolling with my obscure muse choices and just being open minded enough to explore different relationship dynamics with them, whether they be romantic or platonic. HONESTLY, i might not always be around anymore (due to the fact i have work 🥲), but you are seriously one of those few friends i made that make being here worth it; in fact, i ended up initially regaining my love and passion for writing because of you, when previously, i had lost all the spark i had in it following the nasty fall out i had with former partners… and was deeply insecure over my own writing, to the point where for the longest time, i didn’t think i would actually reach a point where tumblr rp would be a hobby i could enjoy again; only, i’m glad i ended up sticking with it, because in the end, i got to reconnect with you and other people i would never have met/written with provided i never stayed.

REGARDLESS, YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN NOTHING BUT KIND AND PATIENT TOWARDS ME, so in 2023, i strive to not only be a good rp partner, but a good friend to you as well (even if i do happen to be significantly younger than you). but yeah, here’s to another year of interactions between our muses! HONESTLY, i look forward to seeing what mischief and shenanigans these blorbos get up to. ]

Tell me stuff at the end of 2022 or beginning of 2023 because what is time/time is a social construct - Accepting if still want to. Otherwise it's going to be thread replies, shitposts, and starter memes/possibly call for new muns and muses!

Aww, Livi, you are so kind! Thank you so much for sending this, it brought a smile to my face as I read it. As I've mentioned before: I care far more about roleplaying with you and the joy you have for your muses, no matter who the muses are. Your enthusiasm shines through each and every time (also, each and every time Sonia never fails to pester/be a nuisance to your muses so...that's what you sign up for each time).

And while we all hate work (eff work is a common saying in my house), I hope that no one ever manages to rob you of your passion for writing and roleplaying. I'm so sorry you were hurt by others, but in my opinion, never let anyone else ruin your fun around here. Write because you have stories to tell, because you love to write, because you don't know what you'd do without the creative outlet here.

Let's leave haters behind in 2022! If anything, consider the fact that for all the time muns spend trying to bring you down, they could be writing. Creating dynamics and storylines. Improving their writing skills. Instead of, you know, hating.

You're already a wonderful RP partner and friend, I just suggest keeping it up :D And I'm happy to be the older friend/wine aunt in the RPC. I will forever be telling you to drink water, wear sunscreen, sleep, and life will get better.

Consequently, I will also discuss the good old days if prompted. The days of RP and fandom before tumblr. Before social media. Just make sure I have my comfy chair, my slippers, and a drink. Possibly painkillers: I'm at the age where I can pull something getting out of bed nowadays (though I'm probably just overdue for a new mattress).

tl;dr - dear mutuals, I'm old. I do not tolerate drama or BS in my old age. I do tolerate long-term, feels-packed threads combined with dashcomm shitposting, OOC chatter, and wine/tea/drink whatever you want just stay hydrated please.

And like Sonia: I'm not up to date with popular slang. Or being a cool and hip person. Bear with us, please.

[magicsunwheel]

Why You're F#cking Amazing

Pick-a-Card

How to play: pick one of the photos below using your intuition. You can close your eyes and meditate for a bit or just take a few grounding breaths while thinking of the topic. Feeling drawn to more than one is fine! You might have messages in more than one pile

Pile 1 (x) Pile 2 (x) Pile 3 (x)

My pile numbers always go from left to right, then down to the text row (if applicable)

Pile 1

Cards: The High Priestess, Five of Swords, Seven of Pentacles, The Moon Rx, Five of Rods, Ace of Pentacles

You are so intuitive! You're either very in touch with your divine feminine or are working your way there right now. Something about you is severe in the most beautiful way. You can take things seriously when they need to and the way you command a room with just your presence is unmatched. Maybe you're also a tarot reader or involved in spirituality/divination in some way. Maybe you really like Pick-a-Cards.

Something beautiful about you is that you never give up on a fight, especially when you know the end is worth it. Your ambition is strong and you will fight for what you love and what you want. You are not weak-willed by any means.

This also makes you so unique! You work so hard and put so much labor into your love even if you know it will take a long time to come to fruition. The times that you feel discouraged by a lack of results are few and far between. If for some reason you do find yourself wistfully hoping for faster results or an easier path, you can easily remind yourself of why you started in the first place.

You might have moments where you think of yourself as sneaky or like you're hiding a part of yourself from others, like your true self would be too much for them. I'm here to tell you that your intensity is exactly what make you such a beautiful person! You thrive in competition and in adversity. It gives you a chance to show off your quick thinking and survival skills. Others look at you with envy of how you can make an opportunity out of seemingly nothing!

If you need help improving your self-love, Spirit says to stop comparing yourself to others! You are amazing and beautiful and unique all on your own! Throwing yourself into the fray to compete against others who are nothing like you will only fim your inner shine. And you really do shine! When I asked for a card about why you are beautiful, nearly half the damn deck flew out!

Sprit loves you and I love you so please take care of yourself and keep making those amazing opportunities to improve your physical surroundings. (I feel like you have a very clean room/home)

Pile 2

Cards: Nine of Rods, the World, King of Cups, Three of Rods, Ace of Rods, Two of Cups

Ahh the Loona pile!

Similar to Pile 1, but much more fiery! You are resilient! Taking time to collect yourself before pushing forward with a renewed sense of energy and purpose is such an amazing and useful trait. You maybe aren't as commanding of a presence but you have such an inner strength that no one can deny.

You got the World for the reason why you're beautiful! Maybe it's related to physically being very beautiful and possibly exotic-looking. You might have very specific features associated with a certain area of the world that stand out where you live. You also have such a wonderful understanding of the world and where it's currently at. Things can seem negative or like hope is lost but you still seek out the beauty and share it with others. You see opportunity where others do not and feel a sense of peace and connectedness with all of humanity. Wow!

Your uniqueness shines in your emotionality and compassion. You might be a natural born leader who makes sure to understand all under your rule. You lead with kindness and, most importantly, by example. You don't have any desire to use you position for ill-gotten gains. Power to you does not corrupt, it solely provides a tool for you to do good in the world and really make a difference in the lives of others, whether it's on a large or small scale. You are probably the kind of person who makes sure to give money to those who need it when you pass a begging mother and her children, or buying a homeless man a bottle of water on a hot day.

Your card for why you think you are not perfect actually came out quite positive. Maybe you don't have a very low self esteem, but I can see a few possible scenarios here. You might be constantly planning in your head, waiting and watching for the next move to take but never actually getting to the action part. Maybe you're planning for your future and have so much planned out that you're excited for, but haven't made the practical plans on how to actually get there. This could make you feel bad about yourself especially on days where you're reminded of others moving ahead in their lives while you're still planning. Visualisation is very important in manifesting your desired reality! If you are moving slower than others around you, remember that it is okay to not be where "everyone else" is. Life is not a race or a competition. Taking your time to get to where you need to be when you need to be there reminds me of the story of the tortoise and the hare. Quick does not necessarily mean better.

You can improve your self-love by creating! Using your creativity and passion to make something! Create art, whether it's physical/digital art, music, writing, inventing, anything that uses those creative muscles of yours. It doesn't have to be good! Just creating something will help burn up that excess energy you have that's trying to rush you somewhere. Self-expression this way can be a wonderful hobby even if you don't consider yourself as a creative person.

Your kindness really shines through. You care so deeply about the people around you and your spiritual team cares just as deeply about you. You are loved and watched over and protected by Spirit. Others around you also see your sparkle and appreciate and admire you, even if they don't show it. Know you are beautiful and amazing and bringing a light into this world that needs to be here.

Pile 3

Cards: Six of Rods, the Hierophant, Four of Rods, Six of Cups, Ten of Swords, the Hermit Rx

Damn, who are y'all!? You've got some mighty power and pull in this world. Maybe you're a public figure or have some kind of platform, like a social media with many followers. You could also be well-recognized within your field of study/work. Whoever you are, people see you and look up to you. They celebrate you and how amazing you are! Spirit loves this about you and you really shine in the spotlight. Your achievements deserve all this pomp and celebration!

You are naturally authoritative. People listen when you speak and take your words to heart. You might also be a religious person or someone who enjoys organization and the comfort of hierarchy. People will willingly follow you wherever you lead them because they trust you with all their hearts. "A merciful ruler" (lol) You hold your position with grace and dignity befitting a king or queen.

You are unique in ways the public recognizes, but we knew that already! You might be someone who likes to entertain and you throw the greatest parties and get-togethers. Maybe you've planned a wedding and everyone had such an amazing time! You know how to relax and have fun when the time for celebrating arrives. You can out down your guard and bit and let loose. Not many people with such responsibility can let go of the reigns like that, but you don't seem to hold on to control too tightly.

Your past might be a source of anxiety for you. Maybe you're worried that what you've done when you were younger will catch up to you and ruin what you've got going on now, but it's important to remember that the past is the past. It cannot be undone or wished away. Taking time to accept what happened and recognizing that you've moved on to bigger and better things is important here. Whatever happened, take time to heal your childhood wounds and forgive past actions.

Ending this cycle will bring much more self-love to your life. Old habits and patterns being out to rest is the way forward. It might be a painful ending and something you don't necessarily look forward to, but it is something that needs to happen to clear out old energy and welcome in everything new. You can't expect to move on if you're still repeating old actions or ways of thinking. It's time to set these things to rest and evolve. Leave behind what no longer serves you.

Your understanding of yourself knows no bounds. You've taken the time to inquisit yourself and learn all of the shadows that lie there. Self-reflection might be a favored pastime for you. Through this knowledge of yourself you are able to see truths that many struggle to see all their lives. Your light can cut through the fog if bullshit and see the true source of something. Use this knowledge of yourself to become the best version of yourself that you can be! I know you're already on your way there and it's amazing to see! Spirit is so proud of you and loves you so much!

[thetravelingmaster]

Anonymity - Shield or Weapon?

The most common thing among us in this community is Anonymity. We all use it to some degree when indulging our Kinks. Our first and foremost reason to do it is, of course, to keep us safe as we explore this strange and for some, embarrassing kinky world of non conventional arousal. The internet is a heaven for everyone to learn and explore ANYTHING their hearts may find desirable.

Are identities aren't needed to indulge and discover new things about ourselves. You can call yourself Jack, Jill, Fran or Hornybabyslut. It doesn't matter. It helps create a sense of security that enables you to dive into what ever kink you feel you can't indulge in your every day life.

And even if you can indulge IRL and are fully accepted as the kinkster that you are, Anonymity affords you a a free shield for you to protect your wonderful life from the dark and ill intentioned predators constantly surfing the World Wide Web for prey.

Anonymity isn't bad at all. It's recommended.

Exploring and enjoying our different kinks can lead you to wonderful and emotional places. Places you may not go if you couldn't be someone else.

Anonymity is a perfect and accepted shield we all carry.

But it doesn't mean you can't be yourself. It doesn't mean you can't be honest and true with yourself and the people you engage with.

You can call yourself Gina64 and be a full on kinky bimbo slut that talks and acts so dumb and dirty that the people you engage with online think you are nothing more. If that is your way to explore and escape, there is nothing wrong with that. You can become anyone you wish once you fire up your phone or your computer.

That is the beauty of this wonderful and dark internet.

When all is said and done, Gina64 is just a persona you try on. She may or may not have the same beliefs as you promote in your every day life. That's perfectly fine.

Anonymity offers that possibility. That safety...

However...

Anonymity can also be a weapon.

That same safety can protect the bad people that are looking to take advantage of others.

Just like a sword, it can be used to defend and protect as well as divide and conquer. It all depends on who wields it and what they choose to do with the sword in their hands.

My point is very simple: Anonymity doesn't half to mean that you can be 100% yourself.

For the purpose of this post, I'm going to exclude the people that come here to become someone else. It can be a very therapeutic and I definitely not saying that being a completely different person online is wrong in anyway.

Well not in itself...

And that's what I mean. You can play at being fun and fluffy or dark and brooding, what ever fills your cup of tea. As long as you are being honest with yourself about why you are doing it.

The problem I have tonight as I write these lines is when the kink in question involves hypnosis. Not fun roleplaying, but REAL hypnosis and subsequent play.

You have to be very honest and open to engage in that sort of kink and Anonymity can offer you that safe space to indulge from.

BUT ANONYMITY DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE BEING DISHONEST.

Being dishonest has nothing to do with anonymity and here is an example of what I mean. Say Our Gina64 is into hypnosis. Say she searches out potential erotic hypnotists online to explore and indulge that itch. She can call herself Gina64 and be a dude. It doesn't really matter as long as you are being honest and about the level of things you wish to reveal to the hypnotist.

If you are being honest with yourself and the person you are engaging with, no harm no foul.

But say that Gina64 doesn't want to reveal that he is in fact a guy. It could be fine if the hypnotist doesn't care. But what if the reason you are engaging in hypnosis is to experience erotic hypnosis? And that Gina64 leads the hypnotist on being saying again and again that they are a girl. For all of us, erotic hypnosis in our Kink community is arousing and erotic for both parties. So a hypnotist that decides to engage and offer erotic hypnosis to Gina64 while under the impression that he is a she when in fact they are a HE...

Well... That can create confusing and even dangerous things down the road. If the connection develops and more and more the hypnotist is made to believe in this falsehood, then it creates an invisible rift between them. A very dishonest rift...

A rift that can actually hurt... Especially if the hypnosis kink also includes flavours of Domination and submission. We all know and understand that D/s play can stir up incredibly powerful emotions. As the lies pile on to covert up more lies, the cycle becomes deeper and darker with every dishonest reply.

Until Gina64 finds himself in a position where the lies have boxed him in and he has to bail out instead of admitting to everything he led the hypnotist to believe and experience.

And I'm not even going to talk about people who create elaborate and complex fake personas to actively catfish people...

I'm not saying that all people who indulge in hypnokink and D/s play should always reveal everything about themselves, far from it.

What I'm saying is that you just have to be HONEST as to what type of person you are and what you want to experience. Our community can be very open minded. It's the very nature of our kink.

And anonymity provides the perfect way to be 100% true to yourself without fear or worries.

To properly demonstrate how one can be completely anonymous and still be incredibly honest, I'm going to talk about friend @qu1etsleep.

Theo is an incredible human being and hypnotist that is, like me, adamant about keeping his online life separate from his offline life. He doesn't shy away from telling anyone who contacts him that Theo isn't his real name and that there is no respectful way in hell that you'll ever get a glimpse or a clue as to who he really is.

His Anonymity is a shield meant to keep the lines clear between his hobby and his life. We all do that in some form or another.

I might not know Theo's true name and identity, but I do know that if I were to ever sit in a cafe somewhere and end up chatting with the man behind the blog, then those 2 persons would be identical.

I'd have the same exact conversations and learn about all the exact same opinions Theo and the man in front of me share.

Because even though his name has changed, he will still be the same person. he just changed out his name tag. Nothing else changed.

Theo is authentic with himself and with everyone that takes the time to talk with him. His Anonymity doesn't affect or change that at all. It just offers him the same safety we all crave.

This authenticity is what makes him, in my humble opinion, a terrific and accomplished 'amateur' hypnotist. Make no mistake, he is no rookie and he WILL drop you if the rapport is there. Authentic and Anonymous...

That is what this community needs above all else.

Some of you MIGHT just understand why I'm ranting about all this tonight, and you would be right. I've felt the sting of this double edged sword and it took others to help me see just how far down the fake rabbit hole I had been led into.

But now I'm out, dusting off the creepiness of the experience and moving on.

So by all means, soak yourselves in Anonymity until people in our kink community aren't even sure who you are...

But BE HONEST. And if you do, I think you'll find even more incredible people and exquisite experiences to be had. You'd be surprised how much someone can accept and understand.

As a point of fact, if the person you are trying to let into your mind isn't opened minded enough to accept your own authenticity, then perhaps you should seriously rethink the fact that you are giving them the keys to your mental palace.

There is no gain from being dishonest and stringing people along.

Unless that is the pleasure you are seeking here... If that is the case, then maybe you should start understanding that you are no better than a full blown predator.

And that is something our community needs the least of all.

We are all searching and indulging ourselves in our forbidden and delicious kinks, there is nothing wrong with that.

Enjoy your safe and secure anonymity, but do it responsibly and above all, do it while being honest with yourself and others.

[papirfecni]

Hello Azra!

I hope you're having a great day 😀.

Look, i don't mean no harm nor want to be hateful to you or anything you do..(but i might actually be), what i'm about to say might be mean and it's probably gonna look like a hate comment or something 😅 but i assure you, i have nothing against you 🙂.

I'm getting this out of my chest bcs i want to, and since you don't reply to your DMs or anything else i thought my last chance is to tell you anonymously..here ...tbh, bcs humans are weird 😒 .

So i was one of your followers/fans and i really liked your work, you were funny and you were entertaining in every way..you might still be (i dunno tho') i even liked your taste in music and i thought it matches mine in a weird way.. i, like any other fan thought highly of you and did anything to be noticed by you 😂 which sounds silly now that i say it.. but it's something that we all do and i'm sure you have done this yourself 😉.

I tried my best to cut you some slack bcs you are famous and i don't know your circumstances or anything about you... but at some point you had me and gave me some of your time and i thought to myself .. 'why did she? i am just as any other excited fan who did everything to be noticed.. why give 𝓂𝑒 the time?'

Don't get me wrong, i knew you were just being nice 😆... but i thought to myself 'does she do that with everyone then? voice chat, play games, share informations...? which is odd.. bcs isn't she scared of creeps and weirdo who maybe have bad intentions...'

I'm a humble one but just like a normal person i got greedy and i felt like we might be friends lol 🤣 i even start talking to some of your close friends and i wished to be as cool just to be friendly with you all (not just you...no offence) bcs for some reasons i found a lot in common between me and you all, but i was too normal and too boring for you maybe a little too nice too 🙃.

The point is, after that you started ghosting me after telling me that we would do it again (play and stuff).. you never reply.. you don't see my comments nor msgs... i know i wasn't special but i really wanted to play more and have fun while i still could at that time 😅.

I just wished you never gave me a chance to look forward to an awsome friendship with such great and fun people like yourselves...

Once again, don't get me wrong.. clearly i have issues 🙃 and if i don't adress them the proper way then they will come and bite me in the butt 😆.

What i'm trying to say here is .. as much as i liked your spirit, your humour but more importantly your 𝒜𝑅𝒯 ofc, now i don't even want to see nothing that has anything to do with you... even your name makes me cringe (the fact that my mother has the same name isn't helping -.-') and i hate that bcs i missed how despite being so invisible back then .. i enjoyed everything you did..

I wish i never made that piece of art that made you follow me which made me feel so guilty for not following you back which is the one thing that led to another until it became no fun no more...

I missed your art and it feels bad now to interact with it after you belittled me and basically made me feel like sh*t (sorry..) when you ghosted and rejected all my requests..

I wish you read this and i wish you don't hate me for being ..umm weird and mentaly disturbed obviously 😅lol despite being anonymous i feel so seen..

you are a great artist and a .. well uuh a funny person? lol (that's all i could think about 🤣) i was a fool to think that you thought of me differently and for being greedy to have more fun time with you and your friends.. so umm i hope you take my honesty as .. umm a point that needed to be ..umm adressed and not as a hate comment or ..umm a speech at this point 😬 hehe

Just a word of advice.. don't say things that you don't mean to fans no more 🤣 they will be excited and they will feel special and it will be disastrous if you don't meet their expectations haha.

Despite feeling guilty for being too honest ..maybe to the mean point, i am 𝑔𝓁𝒶𝒹 that i got that out of my chest, i am trying my best to talk about this silly subject as civilized as possible so you don't get me wrong 🤠.

Good luck with whatever you're doing in your life and i wish you all the best 😺.

P.S: drink more water instead... it's very important to stay hydrated 💧 ✌️

i wasnt gonna respond to this originally but youre getting people i dont even know involved in this fsr so.

sending me shit anonymously expressing why youre mad at me is one thing but going around and telling random people in their fucking CCs about it (and naming me too) like its a warcrime not to respond to your dms personally is really fucking weird. im an average ass person with a hobby who uploads their work online, i’m not a fucking celebrity or “famous” for this or any other reason, i sure as fuck dont have any fans and i genuinely dont understand your obsession with that concept??? why am i the one getting blamed for making you feel special for simply talking to you and being friendly when youre the one acting like i have paparazzi following me around lmao i have classes to attend and study for, i have friends irl and family that i spend time with, i have a tiny group of online close friends i talk to regularly, i eat and sleep - a day is 24 hours for me too lmao. on top of that im generally bad at responding to dms as im very introverted with a terrible memory; it’s never anything personal, i’m simply busy or just forget to text back which my friends are aware of and have no problem with. i seriously had nothing against you, you’re very sweet and talented but you don’t know me, we hung out once for an hour as friends and that was it, i’m confused as to how me not responding was such a traumatic event for you when it’s a normal thing that happens with everyone especially if you’re not close friends. if youre trying to befriend someone you should behave like it and not like youre chasing someone unreachable lol. anyway im glad you got free therapy out of this i really loved the random cursive letters you added for dramatic effect as well as the subtle drags 10/10

[shatar-aethelwynn]

I just graduated and I'm 18 so what do I do now

What do you want to do? Seriously. That's the important question. And that’s not one I can answer for you. Do you want to go to college? If so, do you know what you want to study? Can you afford it? Because I don't recommend going entirely on loans, I'm still dealing with mine. Would you rather go to a trade school? Or just skip the whole potentially unnecessary hassle altogether and focus on getting a job and spend your time learning what you want to learn at your own pace while enjoying the hobbies you want to enjoy? You don't have to decide right away. God knows I wish I had taken time to figure myself out before going to college. Might have saved myself the hassle of school transfers, extra courses to compensate, and realizing toward the end of Junior year that I didn't actually want to be studying my major after all but was too far in with student loans to be worth quitting or adding another year or two by switching majors. Whether a degree is even important depends entirely on what you want to do for work. And I'll be honest, even with a degree the chance of getting that job immediately after graduating is generally low (and in some fields just about nonexistent) for most people. And even though society is going to try to pressure you into it, you don't need to go for further schooling if you don't want to. It's not mandatory. Do you want to stay where you are or move? If you want to move, you'll want to start looking for jobs in the area you want to be. Many places will ask if you're willing to move if hired, so even though you aren’t there yet you could still put in applications to business in the area if you’re thinking of a more long-distance move than “just a town or two over”. And you'd want to start looking at prices for rents. Check what the minimum wage in the State is because that's the lowest you could be paid so you can use that number to see how much you could afford for rent/transportation/groceries/etc. Could you afford the costs on your own or do you need to start looking for roommates? (How to find people is not something I can give suggestions for, sorry) Or are you in a situation where it's safe and healthy for you to remain with your parents while you figure out what you want to do? Because for most people independence begins with figuring out income and access to transportation, and that’s not always easy. Especially if you don’t have access to some sort social network for mutual support (these come in many shapes and sizes, family and friends often count, and what individuals need varies person to person, and I’m really not the best person to ask for advice on obtaining this since I’m a bit of an anti-social recluse in person). Another thing to consider in all of this is what makes you tick. What is the thing, no matter what anyone else says about it, that makes your day good when you engage with it? This doesn’t need to be your job, but it does deserve to be a factor in your choices. For me that's a certain degree of intellectual study and craft things, and I enjoy being able to teach. My job requires attention to detail, precision, some degree of artistic ability, and because of how long I’ve been doing it I have training responsibilities. So even though my job has nothing apparently related to my degree or my hobbies it still somewhat satisfies that part of the brain that says "this is why I enjoy these hobbies" if that makes any sense. For my sister her thing is art, so she tries to make time for it and doing so helps reground her after dealing with work stress, and the jobs she's enjoyed the most have been the ones that give her a chance to exercise some sort of creativity. She's also much better than I am with people so a job that puts me dealing with people all day would fuck my head right up, but she has a higher tolerance threshold before she has to go scream. And being able to help people is part of what gives her a sense of personal satisfaction at the end of the day. Or are you someone who actually enjoys cleaning? I don't, it makes me stressed, but I have a relative who worked as a house cleaner part time for a while because she genuinely enjoyed it. These are things to consider. Being an introvert doesn't mean you can't enjoy a people job, and being an extrovert doesn't mean you won't thrive in a job that is more private. But everyone has different personalities and different strengths, and you’ll be happiest in your choices when you take that into consideration (and on that note, remember that if you move across State lines you may experience some mild culture shock depending on where you move to, which can easily manifest as personality clashes, especially in a work environment).

However, I will warn you now that even though you try to do everything right you may find times in your life when you do have to accept an uncomfortable job for a while, or what sounded like a good job turns out to have an asshole boss and you have to start looking for a new one again. Or an apartment that seemed nice turns out to have really shitty neighbors and you have to put up with it for a while before you find a new place (been there). So if that happens don't give up, almost everyone has been there at least once. Honestly, right now you've got an endless range of possibilities in front of you and the only one who can make the choice of what you do next is you. So. What do you want to do? Once you find your answer to that you can start looking at what is needed to get there. And you always have the ability to change that goal at any time you want. You don’t stop learning, changing, or growing once highschool is over, so don’t let anyone demand that you lock down an unbreakable plan for the rest of your life right now.

[suometar]

Power song of the day: Wake up by Smash into Pieces

You can not resist, like a moth to a flame -- You know it will burn, but sometimes you enjoy the pain

This is your favorite game -- But you're gonna be defeated -- And you're never gonna beat it -- Controls you like a slave -- But you gotta stop pretending -- You won't get a happy ending

(Chorus) Someday you're gonna wake up -- Gonna wake up -- From a life in fantasy -- Someday you're gonna wake up -- Gonna wake up -- And realize it's not meant to be -- You stumble in the dark cause you close your eyes -- Guided by the sweet talk lullaby -- But someday you will wake up -- You will wake up From a life in fantasy -- Wake up!

You try to cut everyone out of your life -- So no one can question how you can believe the lies

This is your favorite game -- But you're gonna be defeated -- And you're never gonna beat it -- Controls you like a slave -- But you gotta stop pretending -- You won't get a happy ending

(Chorus)

You're in the fire, what do you do? -- You wake up -- The final round is waiting for you

(Chorus)

Why? Well...

I'm coming down from mania.

Which sucks. And here's a glimpse into my 30 or so years experience of this nonsense.

But before I say more I want to say to everyone who I have been venting during the last month or so:

Please don't think that you have contributed in making my situation worse. You haven't. The fuel for all of it comes from within myself. I am nothing but crateful that I have had a chance to vent to someone because otherwise it all would've just clumped inside me and that would've made the situation worse.

And besides, not all venting has been caused just by mania. When I'm manic it doesn't remove the normal thoughts and feelings I have.

When you're stuck in a tar pit created by a certain person for who knows how many years in a row it's obvious it's not just the mania. I think you guys know what that's like :D

Coming down is like a really really really REALLY bad hangover

Except that you can remember every single thing you've done, the things you've felt, the things you've planned, what you thought of. EVERYTHING.

And you KNOW they're all just a result of the chemical imbalance of your own brain.

Coming down doesn't mean necessarily that I'm now depressed. It's just getting back to your normal state from mania.

But the bad hangover is real. If you've experienced that you know what it's like. Regrets after regrets.

What's mania like

That ecstacy of mania is an immense rush you don't really know unless you've experienced it yourself.

It's difficult to describe, but I think falling in love really hard and fast is the closest that describes it best. You have butterflies in your stomach all the time, you're hyperfixating on that one person and you feel invincible, like everything in your life is finally perfect and you're in control like never before.

Or even better: It's like being on speed, except without the drugs. Overstimulated 24-7-365.

Hyperfixation is typical for mania

In my case the hyperfixation can be basically anything from men (real or fictional, doesn't really matter lol) to any action, hobby or even work, totally depends on the situation.

What I do is I dedicate all my time to that one thing and one thing only even though I know it's not healthy.

Thank god I've learned to control it so that it won't take ALL of my time anymore, but it still is there. And I need to cater it to some extent or I won't be able to do anything.

It's like having a parasite you can't get rid of but you can make it behave if you give it some attention from time to time.

What's real and what's not? That is the question

When you're having mania it's sometimes super hard to differentiate what's a real thought and what is based on the illusion created by your own mind. And even though I am nowadays capable to tell the difference of my real thoughts/feelings and the ones fueled by mania the later ones do have an effect on me even though I try not to react to them.

The tricky thing is that your body can't tell the difference of a so called real/normal thought/feeling and one created inside my head fueled by mania.

A manic person wants nothing more than get more of the dopamine that fuels the ecstacy. Which easily can lead to a psychotic episode/period.

The saddest part is that manic person usually looks and behaves exactly like any normal person. You can't tell from outside if someone is having mania unless they choose to show it. Psychotic then usually is clearly psychotic and erratic and behaves totally out of character.

Triggers for mania

Anything can basically be a trigger for mania and they vary from person to person. For me it's usually one of the following:

an extreme negative change in life (such as death, divorce or other big things like that),

finding a new crush,

intensive concentration on some activity,

social media, or

as surprising as it might be: music. Especially any with a faster tempo.

Usually though I have already been somewhat hypomanic before the real mania hits. Hypomania though is very hard to notice because I'm somewhat easily excited and impulsive already by nature.

But I've lived with this so long that I know when it's going overboard. My manic mind just usually chooses to say it's nothing and I believe it like a fool - because it feels so good.

This time the trigger for me was intensive concentrating on writing. While the writing was crucial in easing my general anxiety this time it had this unfortunate side effect.

Nonetheless, I'm not quitting writing. Because the anxiety has eased significantly from when I started. I probably need to change the subject for a while and not to write daily or limit it just for 30 mins a day.

How a new crush can happen when you're married, you ask?

Oh, easily. See, with a manic mind a marriage is nothing but an obstacle. Nothing is but an obstacle that is designed to limit you. Because you're omnipotent. And obstacles - well, they're made to be conquered or plowed through.

In my case I've chosen to keep my crushes online and physically as far away from me as possible. I've made a mistake of crushing into someone irl and that was UGLY for all parties involved.

Thirsting over someone from afar online while remaining happily married is by far a better option.

How to control mania or turn it off

Yes, you can turn it off. The problem with that is that usually manic person doesn't

feel like something is wrong, and

doesn't want to get down from the high.

But there are things you can do to get it end sooner.

Log off from all social media. Seriously. Don't just turn notifications off - LOG OFF.

If that's not enough, remove all the social media apps from your phone. You can always install them again.

Turn off your phone if it's possible.

Don't use computer unless it is absolutely necessary - like for paying bills. You don't need to find out what age Barbara Streissand is at 2:30am - or, well, ever.

Social media is by far the biggest contributor for mania. The apps are designed to give us a dopamine rush each time we scroll down any feed and see a new post. That's how they keep us stuck on them.

When you already have an issue with the dopamine rush using social media just makes it worse.

You won't miss anything if you log off for two days or a week. SERIOUSLY. But it will improve your well-being tremendously.

The absolutely best thing you can do is to create as dull environment to yourself as possible. That there's nothing artificial you can drown yourself into. Best place to be in mania is in the middle of the woods without any mobile signal - trust me.

Take up an activity where you do something with your hands. Hands-on approach is crucial.

Doing things with your hands will root you into the real world.

It doesn't matter what it is: cooking, cleaning, handcrafts, drawing or painting (NOT on a computer or ipad but with real pencils/crayons/paints/brushes/etc).

Remember not to do just that though. Go out (without your phone). Enjoy the nature. Listen to the sounds of the outside world. Don't close your senses with headphones. Read. Watch out of the window. Stare at the wall. Watch the paint dry.

LET YOURSELF GET BORED.

Just stay away from any electronic devices.

The hangover is horrible but it'll pass. And you will feel better afterwards when you're functional again.

------

It's not easy. None of us chose to live with bipolar. It's always inherited. But there are ways to work through it.

I hope this helps at least someone.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[schrijverr]

What the fuck is wrong with you people, like seriously. There was a typo. In a fic. That I wrote three years ago. When I was 17. And I did that in my free time...

I'm utterly speechless.

I'm sorry, I'm usually not one for putting people on blast like this, but I've been getting a few of these comments lately and I just cried over this, so I feel vaguely justified.

I read all my own work, I feel bad and embarrassed about having others proofread it, so I do it all by myself. I know I miss things, I know it's not all perfect. But I am trying to give the best quality I can in the spare time that I have.

This is my hobby. I do this for fun. I have poured by heart and soul into all of my works.

And all I ask is that people are nice. If you see these things, don't comment about it. If you think it's shit, just leave. It really is if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all, because it won't make my writing improve and it won't make me grateful for your feedback.

It makes me feel like shit.

English is not even my first language, but even if it was. You don't just come in here and leave something negative. There's a person on the other side of that fic, someone who wrote that so you could enjoy it for free.

How can I explain to you how fucking rude this is when you don't even understand the basic human decency of not shitting over something without being asked.

I know this is a rant and I don't expect anyone to read it, but I just got my fucking day ruined and I needed to allow myself to be mad about it while I still am, before I internalize it and blame myself for missing the fucking typo...

Also, Captain_Nitpick, if you see this, I want you to block me and I want you to never click in my fics again. Your username isn't funny. It's not a fun gimmick to go through fics just to point out what's wrong, however minor. You do not get to enjoy these things if you can't even be normal about it.

So fuck you, I hope your day is as bad as mine now is.

[callisto-rants]

Starting a new ✨series✨ that no one asked for! ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Callisto-Rants presents...

Here's my Two Cents

Where we just throw down our two cents on how we would change a series to make it better, in our own personal opinion.

[You can Block this tag if you're not interested in this series: #Here's Our Two Cents]

Here's my Two Cents

Yarichin Bitch Club.

Ever since I had the misfortune of having that opening theme song stuck in my head because of countless memes and tiktok edits. . . I have wished for days to have the ability to create a time machine to prevent myself from saying. . .

"okay, fine I'll bite the bullet and check out the source material."

Now if you're reading this and thinking, "huh. I never heard of this series..." let me just tell you, GOD I WISH I WAS YOU RIGHT NOW.

No one was going to tell me this BL Manga about a "pHoTogRaPhY cLuB" wasn't completely INSANE? I was just supposed to find out Three Volumes Later??

Now some of y'all who have read the source material might be thinking. . .

"Okay Callisto, get over it it's obviously supposed to be a comedy it's not meant to be taken seriously 🙄"

And to that I say... I mean I guess??? But do we really need all of THAT to make it a comedy?? I feel like you could still have an entertaining comedy BL Manga without 90% of the shit that goes on in that series..... But that's just ✨my two cents✨ take it or leave it.

FIRST THINGS FIRST, here's all the stuff I'd automatically remove from this series off the bat.

💀 The Gang Bangs.

💀 Teacher x Student Relationships.

💀 In fact all instances of unconsensual acts & sexual assault committed in this manga. Throw all of that away.

💀 the fact that the term Bisexual was used as a replacement for the term switch, and had nothing to do with the sexual orientation itself whatsoever.

💀 The High School Setting.

💀 Whatever the fuck Yuri was on.

💀 90% of the hyper sexualized traits these characters had.

Now here's what I'd change to make it better... Basically here's an AU of what if it was actually a normal photography club....

Actually make it a fucking Photography Club. Not a sex club that's in a fuckin HIGH SCHOOL. Hell, you could just throw this in a college setting too, for more mature themes.

Main character, Takashi Toono a college student that's trying to get out of his comfort zone more. So he decides to join the photography club, because he thinks it's not demanding to require anything of him compared to any other club on campus. He knows completely NOTHING about photography, and doesn't have any passion for the art media. His Character growth would be learning to appreciate the art media While learning what it means to him, as well as who he wants to be as he enters the adult world as a young adult.

Yuu Kashima, can stay as Takashi's love interest. Also, I feel like all the members should have a specific style of taking photos that correlates with their personality in some way. Yuu's photography style would be something the lines of Candid photography which is a type of photography style that's main focus is to take photos in the moment or in surprise. Something he has already done when he took that photo of Takashi. I also feel like Yuu would be the one to keep pushing Takashi to love photography, and understand it's more than snapping a photo.

Kyousuke Yaguchi, can stay as the Love Rival for Yuu Kashima and overall keep his personality? It was actually pretty interesting and I liked his Character dynamics with everyone else. Kyousuke Yaguchi can also stay as the outsider that directly / indirectly influences Everyone else in the club. Causing Takashi to explore his feelings and expand his social group, and make him think about what he wants to capture in his photos. Overall the same interaction between Kyousuke & Yuu Kashima with their rivalry and brotherly relationship at it's breaking point. As well as, Kyousuke and Yui's relationship being tense with miscommunication.

Yui Tamura, I imagine Yui's photography style would be more of Adventure (capturing shots in the great outdoors, usually involving extreme sports; mountain-climbing, skiing, kayaking, sky diving, etc) & Sports Photography. Which could create interesting interactions between Kyousuke and Yui. Cue Yui trying to cover up the fact that, every time the soccer club commissions Yui to take some photos of their club activity to promote their club, all of Yui's photos are of Kyousuke playing soccer. Causing Yui to complain to Kyousuke to get out of his shots and that he's ruining them by being in all of them. So, Kyousuke just shouts back "then stop following me around with your camera, DUMBASS". Just imagine Them bickering, because Yui 100% did not delete the photo he captured of Kyousuke getting knocked out by a soccer ball to the face.

Itsuki Shikatani would definitely be in the club, but only because he prefers to have his photos be taken, more than he likes taking photos himself. He would probably be a cross dresser, who enjoys dressing up in feminine articles of clothing and posing for photos. Everyone on campus who doesn't know Itsuki personally, always asks who the beautiful woman in these photos are, the club president and vice President always just says it's one of their cousins that happen to be in town. If Itsuki had to have a style of photography, it would probably be fashion.

Toru Fujisaki. . . This one is difficult only because his Character is purely centered around Yuki's Character. . . So I'm going to take some creative liberties here. . . Probably really insecure about himself, because he feels like he's a wall flower that's really forgettable, that no one cares about. Although, it's mostly because he's shooting himself in the foot by not letting one have the opportunity to get to know him to give him a chance, in the first place. Until, he meets Yuki who makes him realize that not everyone sees him as a wall flower and someone can notice his nicer qualities about himself that he's hiding away. Toru's Character development in this AU, would be for for him to learn to love himself more and try to trust people to accept him. As well as to expand his social circle with the support of not only Yuki, but the Photography Club as well. At first I bet, he would only feel comfortable with Yuki taking his photos and modeling only for him, but over time he'd let the other club members take his photo when he gets more confident in himself. While also, developing his own style of photography, that isn't just "cute photos of Yuri", it would probably be Still Life or Portrait.

Ayato Yuri, okay first. . . I'm still not over the fact that this boy was written like a deranged feral child, that was given access to a pornhub account way too early in life. While being dropped on his head several times, before and after his first words. Anyhow. . . I feel like Yuri would fit the trope of the genius, that no one understands in any capacity. His mind is 10 steps ahead of everyone else and he forgets to slow down and explain what the fuck he's talking about, when he goes into a passionate rant about photography. With endless rambles about golden ratio, gold lighting and blue lighting, and how he needs these specific props, that don't seem to fit the theme of the photo at all to make it perfect. But despite that, his photos always come out beautifully. No one can deny that his methods might be extremely weird, but they always work out way too well to give anyone the opportunity to chastise him. Anyone trying to work with Yuri often leaves the experience with a beautiful photo in hand, but an enormous headache. Even members within the photography club can't keep up with Yuri most of the time either, he's often in his own little world that just makes sense to only him. He can be a eccentric and passionate about his hobby and goofy to not make people feel too uncomfortable with the huge distance he unintentionally places between himself and others when he doesn't bother to slow down for anyone. But, he still has a good heart to make sure everyone gets a piece of art that'll always be memorable to them. Additionally, with that being said I feel like Toru would be the few people that would consistently attempt to keep up with Yuri, when he's a light year away from everyone else in his rambles. Toru wouldn't shut down and show disinterest in what Yuri says when he can no longer keep up, he's always being supportive and encouraging Yuri to continue because he knows it makes him happy to be able to express his passion. And sometimes, Yuri will pause and explain a bit to let Toru keep up with him, because he just truly appreciates someone trying to get closer to him, without making him feel bad. I would say Yuri is a jack of all trades when it comes to Photography styles. There isn't a single style he is terrible at, but he truly excels at Abstract Photography.

Koshiro Itome I think Koshiro would fit the silent type trope, but with a lot on his mind. Always over thinking things, and although he looks calm his mind is always buzzing with 500 things at once. Because, of this the only way he can find some semblance of peace is by going out for a nature walk and letting the environment take his mind off things. He's always worries about deadlines for projects, meeting up with clients face to face for the first time, whether or not a company will like his photos he submitted, if his boyfriend Akemi is okay, what if he doesn't find anything to take a picture of or if he's missing the perfect shot right now, will the club be okay after they all graduate, what else can be learn to improve his skills etc etc. Akemi can always tell when he's actually calm and when he's just zoned out and drowning in his own worries behind his calm demeanor. Luckily for Akemi, he knows exactly what to do to make him feel better, like a life boat to his pleas for help in the vast ocean of his thoughts. Koshiro is 100% the mom friend in the club, always helping newbies out on how to properly take care of their equipment, and the general basics, stopping people from bickering and carrying around a Mary Poppins bag of useful items. "Damn I forgot to bring my infrared lens with me!" "It's okay I brought a spare, here you go." Koshiro's photography style would be Nature & Wild life, cue everyone wondering how the hell he managed to capture a photo of baby bear and it's mother so close up with such clarity with the equipment he has on him. It should be impossible there's no way he could it's just unlikely, but all Koshiro does in response is just shrugging calmly "I just slowly walked up to them, and took some photos and went my way after I was done, they weren't bothered at all." At first no one believes him, until they see the next photo of him petting the mother bear, and within the next photo of him holding the baby bears paw. I like to think Akemi is always bragging at how his boyfriend is basically a Disney Prince, with the way animals just trust him enough to let Koshiro approach to take the photos. Of course Akemi has the proof that his Boyfriend is not making any of these up. With photo evidence he had taken from a incredibly safe distance away, of Koshiro just interacting with wildlife at such a close distance. Because, Akemi was not in fact gifted the ability of a Disney prince, to be doing that shit that Koshiro pulls on a daily basis. I feel like because of this Akemi can be a bit over protective of Koshiro, always telling him to text him before he goes to work and he gets back home, so he knows a feral bear didn't devour his boyfriend in the woods. He tries his best to join Koshiro while he works so he can be at peace of mind that Koshiro is in fact safe, but they both know it's very difficult for Koshiro to focus. When his boyfriend is being incredibly cute how could he remember he's here to take photos of the wild life and not his boyfriend? That and Akemi always accidentally scares away the wildlife, when he accidentally reads the animals body language wrong as any attempt to devour his boyfriend. Akemi will lose 25 years of his life with amount of false alarms, he has encountered in those damn woods.

Keiichi Akemi, Akemi is definitely one of those smug bastards, that has an ulterative motive or an ace up his sleeve. Appearing sweet and kind until you realize it was a facade. But one way or another you find yourself wrapped up in his convoluted plans, where you're either in his photoshoot as a model or you're carrying all his equipment, while he goes from one job to the next. Akemi's photography style would be Wedding Photography & Landscape something he definitely would've picked up from the countless outings he had with Koshiro in the outdoors. Akemi's friends are almost always married or paired up together, and that's no coincidence. This man is a match-making demon, a hopeless romantic who loves to see a budding romance finally bloom. So, he can snag a fat check when they thank him for brining them together and hire him as the official wedding photographer. His intuition is never wrong about the perfect pairings and how to push the right buttons to move things along, without getting directly involved until the right time comes. Something, that will be a pain in Toono's ass down the line as he stays in the Photography Club.

Overall, I feel like this could've been a really nice BL Manga which was a love letter to the art media of Photography. As Toono figures out what Photography means to him and how he wants to use it to express his feelings. "Why do you take photos? What do you want to say in these photos and tell people without the ability of using your words?" I feel like at first Toono, would just be confused "it's just a photo what's so special about it? You take it as a cool momento for something."

But, as time goes on, and he learns why everyone in the club enjoys photography and why they're here, he learns it's more than that. Whether it be to vent something you're unable to express in words, express your love for something or someone, to tell a story, to inspire others, to feel free, to share something with someone. All these different forms of expression, will let Toono figure out what he wants from photography and how he plans on expressing it.

Also instead of the whole "have sex with someone in one month or we gang bang you against your will" dilemma. . . I feel like another suspenseful situation could have been, "Create a photo album, that will impress all of us in one month, or you have to help us all out with our next projects." Which at first doesn't sound terrible, until you remember...

Yui is a thrill seeker, and would probably push you off a cliff to snag a cool photo. Or force you to be his pack mule as you climb up serval mountains.

Itsuki would force you to cross dress and model different fashion styles to make you look like a clown for his own amusement. All the while he revels in your shame, and points out how these colors don't suit you at all, but ignores the fact he's the one who put you in that outfit in the first place.

Yuri is such a wild card that you honest to God don't know what the fuck will happen to you, it'll be like being on an acid trip the whole time. And not knowing what will happen brings you more fear than knowing what will.

Koshiro would probably bring you to a wolf den full of hungry ravenous wolves, and let you accidentally get eaten alive by a pack of wolves. While he takes pictures of puppies, without a care in the world.

Akemi... Akemi just scares Toono, he seems like the safest bet out of everyone else. But Toono knows better to trust that sweet smile. Toono would be safer walking into Satan's house than spend a day with Akemi at work. Whatever he would have planned for them if he were to lose this challenge would not be good for his sanity. He hates how he knows Akemi wants just that for Toono to know he's not going to be safe either. Akemi would probably make him cry with prying questions about his romance life. While hitting too close to home with all his assumptions about him that he can't argue back. It's losing battle from there on out.

The only problem for Toono is Everyone in this club is so different, that it's almost impossible to be able to impress them all. None of them agree, which style is better or having almost anything in common photography style wise. Toono can't just half-heartedly replicate anyone's style either, he's going to actually try and fail miserably to understand this art media better, like everyone else. I think after losing the challenge and spending time with everyone, Toono would come to really like the club and everyone else in it.

And that's my ✨two cents✨ on how this story could've been better if it didn't focus too much on the whole pwp aspect.

Take it or leave it.

[thegracelessfaceless]

If you are still doing matchups,, I'd be interested in a creepypasta one. I'm coming over from Elise blog.

So my name is Shay, I go by Whiskey because it's a preference in liquor on my end. I go by they/them pronouns, AFAB and I'm bi and omniromantic, I do have an mild preference for men or masc aligned people. I'm a Libra sun, Virgo moon and Aquarius rising. I'm also introvert (INFJ-A) and I'm constantly sleeply. I do have C-PSTD, Bipolar II and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder).

I'm Caucasian/White and I stand at 5'9. I have celtic and Danish heritage, My family where vikings. I'm really tall and legs double the size of my torso, as in my thighs are as big as my torso in length, same with my calves. I call myself spider legs because of that. I have this natural like wolf cut going on that is this dark green with my roots be my natural dark chocolate brown hair. My eyes are hazel with gold flecks that shift in color which I found out is normal for people with hazel eyes. I paint my nails black a lot because I find the color pleasing. My build wise is like a rectangle like shape with broad shoulders. I'm pretty strong and I'm proud of my strength. I'm currently starting to get into shape and lose weight so I have fit shape but not like over for. Just the right amount of fat over my muscles. I have a lot of stretch marks,, mostly around my waist and my biceps. I call them my stripes or lighting marks. I have plans to get snake bite piercings and wear like the ring ones in them. I'm getting an tattoo soon that is like this and then I want a burning match tattoo on my color bone. My ears are piercing and I like wearing fake gauges, spirals and then the ratings that have the dangly stuff and cuffs with them. I also wear like those stereotypical hot topic chokers. I wear a lot of long sleeves and skinny jeans, I do like ripped skinny jeans. I also love flannels and black boots like doc martins or converse.

I think you can assume by the statement of me liking whiskey I am the rebellious sort which is true. I have drank a bit and tried weed, I don't do it anymore tho.I have been told if people don't know me and see me from afar I'm intimidating to approach. Even being spooky and intimidating, I promise I'm just a big softie. I usually assume the mom friend of the group with my friends. I always worry about them and make sure they take care of themselves. Sometimes I do it so much I forget to take care of myself. I'm really gentle and compassionate, along with being extremely empathetic. I can be stubborn and bit judgemental at times, mostly working off first impressions myself when getting to know each other. I have an hard time being insertive and putting my foot down with my boundaries, scared to lose people even if the hurt me. I'm an introvert through and through, liking to watch from the back and observe the way things go on around me. I do my best to be an optimist because I can't see the point in see everything wrong in this world, it helps me to see the good. I love going on adventures with my close friends and love being a chaotic bastard with them. My dnd alignment is chaotic neutral and I'm Hufflepuff. I do live by the saying do no harm but take no shit. But I won't hesitate to fight someone for the right causes.

I do always constantly look like I am going to funeral of some sort because I own nothing but black. The color makes me feel really comfortable but it's not my favorite color. My favorite color is green but I like sage green, forest green, mossy green, etc. The earthy greens are my favorites. I have a love for the forest and woodlands, finding a sense of home in the woods. I do love archery and something I'm definitely going to be picking up along with playing the drums. I also smoke herbal cigarettes as well as alternative to smoking.

I often get called a cryptid and at this point, I am just one. Cryptidcore, Midwest Gothic, and Pacific Northwest Gothic are my favorite aesthetics. I have a huge love for cryptozoology (the study of cryptids), parapsychology (the psychic phenomena and other paranormal claims), original creepypasta stories and to be honest anything like spooky and creepy. I want to be a mortician and I'm attending school for that. I also really love the dark, especially if I have some good music blasting through my earbuds. I am a sucker for long road trips and seeing things, filling the adventure heart I have. My favorite animals are coyotes and I also like horses. I like to write a lot as well.

Okay, first off, you sound so cool?! Like we should talk more 😃.

I match you with...

Hₑᄂₑ𝚗 ₒ𝚝ᵢ𝘴/ Bᄂₒₒ𝚍y Pₐᵢ𝚗𝚝ₑᵣ

(Not my art, unknown artist. Contact me with credit info!)

Helen gets the they/them pronouns. For the longest, the thought he was a weird girl. Then he had body dysphoria for a long time, and then he came to terms with his identity.

Helen is a Virgo to your Libra. Virgos admire Libra's clear mindedness and their drive for balance in all areas.

However, Virgos can have some trust issues. Just be there and patient with Helen. He'll get over those hurdles eventually.

Helen gets being an introvert, being one himself. He never had many friends growing up, his only close one being killed by bullies who then tried to blame it on him. Helen would be perfectly content if you two were the last people on Earth.

Helen loves how you look, like you're just 'classical' beautiful? He loves painting your eyes, trying to get that perfect mix of green and gold.

He recites Robert Frost to you because your eyes remind him of this poem:

"Nature's first green is gold/ Her hardest hue to hold/ Her early leaf's a-flower;/ but only so an hour./ Then leaf subsides to leaf/ So Eden sank to grief/ So dawn goes down to day/ Nothing gold can stay"- Robert Frost "Nothing Gold Can Stay"

Helen would enjoy painting your nails for you, maybe even painting little designs on them if you'd like

Helen would be so supportive in your fitness journey. He just doesn't want you to feel like you have to lose weight to please him or anyone else. He thinks you're perfect just how you are, just like he'd think you're perfect 50 pounds overweight or 50 pounds underweight.

Helen loves your stripes. Whenever you feel self conscious about them, he reminds you that the things that make a person attractive are groupings of flaws that work well with each other to make a beautiful face

OR

He tells you how the Chinese fill in cracked china and pottery with molten gold because the cracks make the piece more beautiful since it has more character.

Helen would love to design tattoos for you

He thinks it's sweet that you're Mom Friend™, but he's not going to let you drive yourself into the ground taking care of everyone else. So, now, you can't lift a finger around Helen. He waits on you hand and foot

He'll help you learn to be more assertive and stand up for yourself and what you believe in. He'll help you set boundaries and limits and he'll help you enforce them. One of his more important lessons is that you have no room in your life for people who hurt you, use you, or make you miserable.

Anyone that hurts you will be subjected to The Wrath of Helen Otis™

I feel like Helen wasn't a huge outside person before meeting you.

But between pictures on your camera roll of you and your friends' adventures and just listening to the way you speak about the Great Outdoors? He's intrigued as hell now and goes on a nature walk with you on an easy forest mountain trail, nothing too challenging or taxing.

And suddenly he just understood everything you'd been talking about.

A special activity he likes to do just the two of you is this: you think of and describe to him a cryptid and he paints it following your description. Then he listens to any stories or folklore for that cryptid.

Its normally exactly the way you pictured it in your head (it's actually pretty uncanny).

Thinks it's cool that you're going to mortician's school. He's always been interested in medicine, but can't tolerate all the patients. But a mortician... They do medical things and have the quietest patient that are just so agreeable! What a genius career path (seriously, I'm on a wait list for an interview with the coroners office (Low turnover rates 😑)

Helen also likes playing in paint worn you (but I'm thinking that deserves a whole post of its own)

Helen also likes to paint while you write (sometimes he paints you writing about him painting). Its beautiful, really. Just two people who love each other enjoying their hobbies together in companionable silence 😍

[helloamhere]

Oh thank you for the heads up, I’d love to make sure I have your beautiful writing downloaded (for personal use only of course, I would never repost). I don’t mean to pry but does this mean you’re thinking of leaving the fandom or don’t want to write Larry anymore? I’ve so enjoyed your writing and it will be a real loss if you leave (though of course you must do what is best for you). I hope you’re well! Xx.

Thank you so much for the kind words!! xoxo I'll still be here on tumblr for sure! Where else am I going to get my shrieking reaction gifs and memes and cottage pictures!!

Honestly I didn't intend this to be a big old leaving announcement -- this hobby still brings me so much joy -- that's not really my plan. I have slid more and more out of this fandom/thinking about larry plots, but that's not been a plan as much as a quiet transition. I still love the versions of these characters I like to write but the fandom doesn't feel very active for me, ya know (overall, sending nothing but love to the specific creators I still follow and see gorgeous work from) .

Perhaps planning on writing more broadly for other fandoms if I maintain the space to write fic. Lately it's been hard, there's a lot going on in my life!

Really what started to freak me out? Was I've followed a number of stories about recent authors who have had old fanfic of theirs dug up and have gotten super harassed about it? I know that it's probably DEEPLY paranoid to ever worry about something like that. It's so far from a possibility in my life. Yet it got under my skin. And it just KEPT getting under my skin. (still tho, while I would be wretchedly embarrassed to have, say, people in my professional life know I've written these stories....I still LOVE my fics lol so I am hopeful that nothing in them would really be that bad. Lord I do not want to explain ABO to my mom tho). Some of my professional writing is getting more and more out there. As it does, I've just been on a big personal journey to ask: Look. HOW serious are you about wanting to publish original fiction? Do you really want to take writing more seriously and if so, why are you spending hundreds of thousands of words on fic? And you know. I deeply love and cherish that we have created a non-monetized creative community here. It has given me so damn much. I am grateful. But STILL, fic kind of pulls that energy away from original fiction. I started to feel weird about it. Again, I love these stories? I am profoundly grateful for the community here? I WANT to share things? But then as I'm doing a lot of original fiction writing, I'm starting to come back to similar passages or turns of phrase or scenes. I can hear myself try to work out the same themes I write in fic. I wonder if I've poured too much of my own thinking into fic. I've been chewing over whether I would need to delete my longer fics if I ever tried to pitch original fiction, because I've seen people get hammered for that too. This is one of the reasons I don't like orphaning fic, because losing that ability to control it and have authorship to it feels wrong to me somehow. Particularly with how much negative scrutiny 1D fandom comes under, I don't know. I also though, hey, most of the people who would've read my fic already have. Fic doesn't get a lot of new readers once you post it--at least not for me! So I just started to feel really anxious about all of it. What was the benefit if I'd already shared it once, of keeping it up? What if I accidentally repeat myself in ways that tie me to this fic? Or worse, what if I worked something out in a fic and I can't replicate it in my fiction and I shouldn't have "spent" it on my fic? (I know creativity probably doesn't work that way but....the fear!) Should I have really taken a story like TMOP, which I felt so deeply connected to and spent so much intellectual thought on, and should I really have just dumped it online? IDEK. I worry that all this sounds self-aggrandizing. I know my fic are imperfect and nowhere near the quality I ask of myself in other domains. But I still love this writing and these ideas. I want to value it. Again, I'm cognizant that this might be totally wild thinking re: getting punished for having fic out there, but I also just feel so much anxiety over writing, creation, and my own work right now. After going through the last year facing a lot of hostility and bias in my job and having a lot of my own professional work taken away from me, I feel like my mind is full of the need to protect and own the things I've created.

I suppose it's just a pervasive feeling of vulnerability that continues to dig into me right now! Even sharing all of this, well -- this wasn't exactly what you were asking for, but I suppose it's nice to chat about. I feel in community with the readers who have given me so much, but also, kind of......lonely lately, when I think about my fic. I don't know how other fic authors feel around here. It can be a lot, can't it? Still taking the decision slow and wanted to send an early warning. So I'll be back and share more advance notice if I do pull the trigger on it, I am not going to chop anything down without telling you again <3