#it's not that deep my dudes but the bi erasure has to stop

[spxnglr]

Love it when I tell someone I'm engaged to a cis het male and the response I get is "oh you're one of THOSE bisexuals".

[armillary-spheres-lover]

Hey

Idk if you ever got the answer to your thing. But I’m a person who is queer but regularly uses the term lesbian to make things simpler. I can tell you why I hate the phrase monosexual- it feels transphobic to me- I am not attracted to men at all, but I am attracted to women, non-binary folks, gender queer folks, and agender folks. If I was with a partner and they transitioned to be a man I would still love them. That wouldn’t change. Sexuality is fluid and calling someone monosexual seems to erase that and really put people in boxes. Everyone has exceptions. And as someone who has identified as bisexual and pansexual in the past and find those not to suit me and fit right (especially since I am not sexually/romantically attracted to people physically/based on appearances- it’s more about personality and what I could do with a person)

I don’t mean this in an antagonistic way, I really hope it doesn’t come off that way(I’m bad expressing myself sorry).

(I’m sorry, I know you’re not trying to be rude. My answer, however, will sound rude and upset because you touched upon some stuff that needs a lot of unpacking to me lmao. Just know this anger is not necessarily directed at you but at biphobia in general.)

Why do bisexual people may need to use the term monosexual?

A. It is descriptive

I see what you mean but as you said you're queer and lesbian is a term to make things simpler, right?

So I wouldnt call you monosexual because you’re clearly not attracted to only one gender (but if you want to who I am to stop you?). Monosexual is someone who is almost exclusively dating/is attracted to people of one gender. There are plenty trans people that are straight or gay that would NOT date a partner if they realized they were a different gender. For real: kat blaque made a video (here it is if youre interested) on youtube about this - she’s trans and she wants to date men and wouldnt feel comfortable on continuing dating if a partner of hers realized they were actually a trans woman all along. She wants to date guys not girls and that's FINE it just means A. She actually recognizes the girl gender, obviously B. She's straight af and that's wonderful! It’s not a box if that’s how her experience is and she likes it that way!

Also how is being monosexual transphobic? Cant a girl just like guys exclusively (both cis and trans) or like girls exclusively (both cis and trans)? It's not even enbyphobic since you dont need to be attracted to a person to support their rights. (Gay men arent attracted to women but can be 100% feminists.) Being open to fuck somebody is not the same as supporting their rights: fetishization is a thing. Again, I refer to the video Kat Blaque made.

Sexuality IS fluid but to some people (like me and you) it is more than others. Some people don’t feel comfortable dating people that dont fall into the gender theyre usually attracted to and thats 100% okay.

B. It helps in talking about biphobia and panphobia in society

Biphobia and panphobia are for the large part based on the assumption that you cant be attracted to more than one gender (not even non-binary and so on) and that if you do you're weird/disgusting/mentally ill/a sexual predator. I can tell you 100% that's the narrative both straight and gay people can and may perpetuate since I struggle w this kind of shit every single time Im attracted to someone no matter their gender (YES, EVEN IF THEY'RE A GUY, BECAUSE THE OTHER DAY I WAS ATTRACTED TO A GIRL AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL THAT CANT CONTROL ITSELF, even though it makes NO sense because if it was two girls or two boys the actual number of people my hormones activated to wouldnt change, but it would make my experience not subjected to biphobia!). I’m not saying gay people are the same as straight people. But I do feel alienated BOTH from heteronormative society AND from (subtly biphobic) gay spaces because of my bisexuality. I costantly feel like I’m outside both of those worlds and you know how humans are: I just need a term to encompass it all easily, to say “I don’t identify with any of this” (which is both straight and strictly gay spaces: ie, monosexual). To me is literally the same as saying non-bisexual/non-pansexual.

I dont mean to say lesbians or gays have it easier or are just like straight people. But we do have different experiences and I need terms to express that. It honestly doesnt matter to me if you identify as lesbian or queer (though I think you’re implying you’re more queer than anything). But I do need a term to talk about how society at large treats sexuality; ie, as a monosexual thing. Another concept that’s been thrown around is bi erasure. A strictly monosexual society is bound to view a girl dating a girl (or girl presenting) as if theyre both LESBIANS and erase a queer person the moment they’re in a m/f relationship, because people cant COMPUTE that it may not be the case and that the girl dating a cis straight dude isnt betraying her queerness.To think so is basic biphobia.

In some ways, I think it’s the same as when transgender people started using the term cisgender - which is applicable to both straight people and queer/gay people. They simply needed a term which meant “not-trans” as they were saying “I dont identify with this” (ie the cisgender experience). Does it imply that cisgender people, no matter if queer, have something in common? Yeah, yeah it does. Does it imply that queer people are just the same as straight people, or face no oppression? Of course not. Seeing people being offended upon being called monosexual feels like people being offended upon being called cis to me.

Also, saying that the terms bisexual people use are transphobic is almost implying that bisexuality is inherently transphobic? Or reeks to me of that kind of rhetoric. I use the terms I need to use, just like any other marginilized group does, and nobody outside of that group has any right of denying me that. It’s like I’m trying to create a safe space for myself and people like me and yall come around to judge us YET AGAIN. And I'm just tired of hearing this bullshit. I could accept this kind of criticism only if it came from a trans person themselves, I guess? But it’s not usually trans people who accuse us of being transphobic, in fact, many trans people identify as bisexual and use bisexual terminology lmfao.

“Hearts not parts” rhetoric

Finally, about personality being superior to physical appearance. That's amazing but I do want to note that, not you necessarily, but many people who are into the “hearts not parts” rhetoric are, how can I say this. Slut-shaming people? I’m not sure if you are doing this but I feel it needs to be said just to be sure. A lesbian trans woman can be just attracted to a girl for her physical appearance and just want to fuck her - and THAT'S OKAY. That's fine. I am a sexually attracted to people and that doesnt mean I have to form a deep bond first. Sex positivity is about accepting that people can feel like this and not shame them for this. "Hearts not parts” rhetoric has in the past infantilized, sanitized or outright shamed other queer experiences. It's fine if you feel that way but dont start acting like you're morally superior because of that. That's catholicism with extra steps. My bisexuality its not the symptom of some predatory and animalistic thing that should be purified into something more palatable and less sexual. That’s the same thing they used to say about gay people and now gay (biphobic) people are using this against us. That’s also the kind of thing trans women (especially if they’re sapphic) constantly hear every fucking day. Queer people have a good part of their discrimination rooted in the shaming of purely sexual desires. Forcing ourselves to be more palatable and less sexual is just respectability politics. I’m tired of it. (This is obviously different from being on the asexual spectrum: but you dont see ace people going around pretending they’re morally superior than everybody else, and many are actually very sex positive)   You would still love your partner if they were a different gender: that’s great, but that’s not how some (most) people feel, and they aren’t superficial because of this, just different from you.

Also, I think you’d really benefit from hearing a trans person say they don’t care if someone has genitalia preferences. Here it is. This obviously doesnt mean that every trans person will feel like she does, but it does mean that we can’t generalize trans experiences/preferences/what they feel transphobia is. Just like straight people dont get to say what’s homophobic or not, cis people dont get to say what’s transphobic or not. The definition of those terms relies entirely on the community that is targeted by these things.

I hope this wasnt excessively confusing but I wanted to make my point clear.

[balmerancrystalance]

good for the soul ryance hcs

adam is giving the mfe pilots instructions but the second the pretty boy with the blue eyes and bright smile comes out of the pod the world stops

adam: was i clear, cadet?

kinkade: i'm so gay

rizavi, under her breath, offended: wow, bi erasure much?

adam: become a teacher they said, it’ll be fun they said. fuck you, takashi

cue to shiro lightly tapping adam’s shoulder

iverson introduces the paladins and pilots and lance calls kinkade “ryan”

rizavi, being the godsend she is: actually, he’s not comfortable with people calling him-

kinkade, blushing: its okay, really *turning to lance* you can call me ryan

the mfe pilots might be in the middle of an alien war but that had to be at the top 5 of most unbelievable things they've ever seen

leifsdottir: it’s not humanly possible but you just might be blushing about 50 shades of red right now *turning to rizavi* d-did i used the reference right?

rizavi, on the floor: you got it, babygirl

griffin wheezing noises in the background

kinkade goes to visit lance at his hospital room after war is over, lance pretending to be asleep just to see how ryan will deal with his mom alone, his plan backfiring him when the beeping of his heart going into cardiac arrest coming from the machine betrayes him when the word "hero" comes from the other boy's lips

lance goes to shiro with his mayhaps-mayhaps-not boy problems

lance: i thought nothing could scare me anymore, i mean i died and everything but now a pretty boy smiles at me and i feel like i’m gonna be sick

shiro: yOU fUCkING DiEd??!!!?!!?!!

since his talk with shiro almost ended up on him dying, again, lance goes to adam, he doesn’t get that much help but b OI does he has enough material to blackmail shiro now

desperate times call for desperate measures

lance: you have to promise not to tell anyone but... i think ryan likes me...? and i think i like him too...?

keith, stopping halfway his knife trick:

keith: and they say i'm the dense one? jfc its like adam and shiro all over again

lance is telling ryan voltron stories, and ryan it’s a great listener of course, but just objectifies he’s having a hard time believing lance piloted a giant robotic alien lion

lance, before he realizes what he's saying: i could show you around sometime

kinkade, smirking: are you offering me a ride?

lance, after rebooting for the 5th time that night: only if you say yes

spolier alert ahead: he says yes

lance: you'll have to be careful tho, red isn't very-

red’s jaw drops at the sight of kinkade just like everyone else

lance: ...friendly

kinkade, already getting inside: hey, you coming?

lance, staring at the red lion for solid 5 seconds: traitor

dudes pals bros who train together...

kinkade, panting: okay, you might be good at shooting and sparring but i'm sure there's something i'm better at

sponge bob narrator's voice: a few moments later

kinkade, pining lance to the ground: hm, who knew you'd be so bad at hand on hand combat? i win, again

lance, smirking: i got you pinning me down so who's the real winner here

lance asking kinkade for advice because he could listen to him talk forever, and if takes pride he's the only one ryan says more than two words to no one needs to know

lance: nice work out there, sharpshooter

pidge, confused: i thought sharpshooter was your thing?

lance, sighing dreamily watching as ryan walks away: he’s about to be

one day shiro beckons kinkade over after training

kinkade, mocking: is this the part where we have the "you break his heart, i break your neck" talk, commander?

shiro: hmm, i didn't even thought about it but now that you mention it *shiro's arm glow*

one night while doing his perimeter check kinkade bumps into lance stargazing at the garrison's rooftop

lance, smirking: hey, you come here often?

kinkade: umm, we take turns to do our night rounds and i'm in charge of this wing today

lance, after going over the garrison pilots' schedules with hunk and pidge ten thousand times: oh, i didn't knew that

another night kinkade walks into the showers late at night after training, immediately stopping dead on his tracks

someone is s i n g i n g

someone is s i n g i n g in the s h o w e r s

someone is s i n g i n g in s p a n i s h in the s h o w e r s

lance, walking out of the shower: ah! oh, ryan, you scared me! *blushes looking away tightening his altean robe around himself* sorry, i'm still not used to share with so many people after being stuck in space, and i come from a huge family like-wow, okay, i'm rambling again. so, i'm just gonna-

kinkade, turning to take off his shirt, not being able to look at lance in the eye: you have a beautiful voice, lance

*lance.exe has stopped working for so many reasons*

lance beaming when ryan asks him the next day what song he was singing, making his way downtown walking fast and into his room to look for his ancient mp4 where his childhood playlist was intact and giving it to him

lance’s heart screaming in two different languages when ryan asks him to share headphones so lance can translate the songs for him

they try to learn spanish together but both get awfully distracted

lance convinces ryan to do beauty masks with him because, bonding of course, and if he gets to touch the other boy while doing so he won’t complain

kinkade, who has been bullied when little, thrives as lance keeps rambling about how cool his hair is and how beautiful his skin tone is

kinkade: you do know you don't need these, right? or cover up your freckles? or straighten your hair? or pretend you don't use reading glasses?

lance, thanking god the mask won't let his blush show: h-how?

kinkade, quickly looking away: i just like observing people

hunk and ryan become cooking buddies and that’s the law

hunk, leaving the room: and whatever you do, don't let lance lick the spoon

lance, indeed, immediately goes for the spoon

kinkade: lance...

lance, licking the spoon: yes, ryan?

*kinkade.exe has stopped working*

lance knows both the paladins and the mfe would rat him out so literally his only choice is

lance: come on, veronica. i need you to work with me here

veronica: lance, for the last time, my knowledge on the mfe pilots is strictly academic so no, i don't know if kinkade enjoys romcoms, long walks on the beach and deep talks about his future

they're hanging out at lance's old room, with the door open because lance’s mom says so, when ryan finally notices the glow in the dark stars stuck to the ceiling

kinkade, snorting: oh my god. you were that kind of nerd *they both giggle then stay in silence* how was it like? *turns to lance* to see real ones?

lance: if there's something i've learned from space is that everything is more beautiful up close

kinkade, looking at lance: yeah..

its movie night for team garrison/team voltron but certain pair is mia

pidge at the mfe: wait, if lance isn't with you...

rizavi at the paladins: and kinkade isn't with you...

allura, entering the room: has any of you seen the blue lion?

meanwhile on what was left of varadero beach after the war

lance, walking into the water with his jeans rolled up: i've been dying to come here since since i got back, it looks so different, but still so beautiful. i’m glad you accepted to come with me

as if out of a fucking nicholas sparks book, it starts to rain, and fuck if it isn’t perfect because lance looks so fucking happy and ryan is just weak

kinkade, watching as lance dances under the rain: hey, lance? speaking of things we've been dying to do since you got back

lance, turning to him, smiling: yeah?

kinkade takes lance’s hand to pull him in a twirl and finally kissing him, loosing his balance and falling into the water when lance immediately kisses him back

bonus

keith, sitting upside down on the couch playing video games: lance, how do you get a boyfriend?

lance, pausing the game to look at him dead in the eye: keith, my man, the fact i'm dating ryan doesn't mean i have any idea of what the fuck i'm doing