#it's not really enjou x reader yet but eh idk i'm tagging him in it anyway

[genshxn]

What Do You Call the Reverse of a Monsterfucker?

Part 2 of Taking Ls in the Abyss

i’ve got great titles, don’t i. also real talk, i don't know what the fuck the abyss looks like beyond ruins n stuff so we're all just gonna have to pretend that the shit i wrote is viable. also (x2) I'm having too much fun making y/n be annoying.

ft. xiao, enjou, lumine, electro abyss lector, and hydro abyss herald (and aether + paimon sort of)

TAGLIST: (lmk if you wanna be added)

@q804 @veralioz

word count: 4.7k (LMAO SORRY A BIT HAPPENS)

Well, the Abyss was definitely after you. Currently, you were minding your business, scavenging Guili Plains for chests like you were hunting for shredded cheese at 3:32 AM. Aether and Paimon were off trying to deal with some other overly convoluted commission, so you were left to your own devices. Amidst some bushes, you had found some scattered mora, but this had distracted you enough to not notice the sinister but goofy cackling coming from behind you. It wasn’t until a fireball went whooshing over your head that you realized a Pyro Abyss Mage was right behind you. You scrambled away from the now blazing bushes with sputtered yelling. You’re all alone right now. God fucking damnit.

"FUCK!" You call out, running for your life. If its shield was down, you’d beat its ass, but you don’t exactly have a hydro vision to vaporize its shield. The pesky mage continues to pursue you through the trees and bushes, launching fireballs while chattering annoyedly at your incessant movement. You’re too worried about trying to get out of range of the Abyss Mage to the point that you don’t even care if your feet get soaked in a shallow river. Water? An idea pops in your head.

Much to your disliking, you halt in your tracks amidst the water, waiting for the Abyss Mage to catch up. It continues to fire at you, which you narrowly manage to dodge each time. You can feel the heat of the blow every time they launch past you. You’re careful to stay in the water, slowly luring it out. If game physics still apply here, then the water you’re standing in would naturally take out the Abyss Mage’s shield… Steam flies off the transparent orb... Could the hidden bar drain any slower? 

Plop. Into the water, the mage goes with a rather anticlimactic splash and unceremonious grunt.

You take this as your opportunity to run up to it with your sword. You're ready to beat some serious ass. That is until the sneaker bugger suddenly whips around right as you’re about to bring down the blade of your shitty sword. You’re met with a great blast of fire, sending both you and your sword flying backwards with a splash into harsh gravel. The blade lands somewhere far behind you with a loud clatter. You’re defenceless now. It's time for your last resort.

"Fucking shit— HELP!" You call out at the top of your lungs, confusing the Abyss Mage. "XIAO!!"

"Wait, NO—" the Abyss Mage panics. 

Within seconds, the adeptus appears and takes only a moment to grasp the situation. After a streak of black and green, the Abyss Mage is reduced to nothing but blue sparkles on the wind. 

(sorry, i just felt like writing a crap fight scene).

You breathe a sigh of relief, no longer having to worry about getting your hair singed off by the fun-sized arson gremlin. Xiao appears over by your side and wordlessly extends a hand down to you to help you up, which you gladly take. "You called?"

"Yes, I did. Thank you so much for that… Those things are a pain in the ass, aren’t they?" You reply as earnestly as you can. 

"With their shields, definitely," Xiao says four words more than the anticipated zero. "Are you okay?" Three more in addition. He looks at you with more concern than you would have thought possible with how little you’ve spoken to him. 

"Oh, y-yeah, I’m fine. I nearly had it, but the bastard decided to blast me in the face right as I was about to bop it on the head." You give a shitty thumbs up. "Guess my sword lessons from Aether haven’t quite paid off yet." 

"He’s been teaching you to fight?" Xiao stands with his arms crossed over his small frame. It’s kind of hard to tell what he’s thinking right now. (Not that it’s ever easy.)

"For a couple of days, yeah. I’m not too bad against a hilichurl now," You say, somewhat proudly. Not to toot your own horn, but you’ve learnt quite quickly if you do say so yourself. 

"You look slightly miserable," Xiao says out of nowhere. You blink in surprise at his sudden abrupt statement. 

"Huh?"

"Come back to Wangshu Inn with me."

"Wait, but—" Before you could even finish your sentence, Xiao had slung your arm over his shoulder, and with a gentle step forward, the two of you are suddenly warped to the top of the Inn. Sunlight filters through the leaves of the massive tree, casting blobs of light and shadows on the wooden floor beneath your feet. From up here, you get to see the familiar but amazing view of Dihua Marsh from above. 

Xiao wordlessly sits you down on the floor and draws your arm closer to him, analyzing it for any wounds. You don’t remember this ever being in Genshin. 

"You’re quite injured…" Xiao mutters to himself. He’s right. You’ve managed to sustain about half a lifetime’s worth of damage to yourself. It’s a bit of a hard adjustment to suddenly be out in the field, often coming into the fire of various enemies with powers that are still otherworldly to you. Despite being littered with cuts and bruises, you feel surprisingly durable and lively. Maybe you’ve got a hidden HP bar that’s bigger than you thought. "What have you been doing?" Xiao’s sudden question draws you out of your thoughts.

"Adventuring. I’m just not very experienced at it." You shrug. You decide to avoid mentioning any involvement of the Abyss since they're the primary reason you've gotten into so many one-sided fights. 

He comes to a stop at your upper arm which was bound in a loose bandage. It was better covered a few days ago, but it was beginning to come undone now. "I swear I can wrap bandages better than that." 

Xiao makes no comment but instead opts to undo it completely. To your surprise, there's barely any remaining wound. All that lingers is the faint cicatrix of what was once a seething gash. "Damn, I healed fast." You remark at the sight of it. He traces along the scar with his gloved fingertips. He's surprisingly gentle. 

"When did you get this wound?" Xiao asks, golden eyes now looking into yours. 

"Uhhh, about 2 or 3 days ago." If you remember right, you were locked in a fierce one-on-one battle with about the seventh hilichurl that day. Out of nowhere, a hidden hilichurl shooter fired an arrow at you, which ended up cutting your upper arm rather than lodging itself in. That battle ended in a strategic retreat because that cut hurt like a bitch. 

"You have some others that might require treatment." Xiao turns over your arm and finds a littering of fresh scrapes that you got after you were sent flying by that blast from the Abyss Mage. 

"Oh, those are fine. I'll be alright," You reply. Xiao seems rather undeterred, however. 

"Still, you are a mortal and should take care of yourself." He replies bluntly. Seems like there's not much arguing with him on this one. Besides, he's already going out of his way to help you. You may as well take it without argument. Suddenly, Xiao seems to hear something. You don't think you heard anything— 

"Stay here, I have to deal with something." He says. Someone must be calling him from somewhere in Liyue. He quickly stands up and disappears in a cloud of black and green smoke, just like how you got here. 

So now you're left sitting on the floor of the top deck of the Wangshu Inn, alone. You get up to move to the railing to look out at the view around you. That beautiful sight never fails to steal your breath. Admittedly, your wet clothes stick to you rather unpleasantly and your scratches sting a bit, but it doesn't detract from being able to see the beautiful sight in person for the first. Seeing it in-game filled you with a sense of awe, but being here in person reinvigorated that old feeling, like a fan to a flame. You lean against the rail, soaking in the dancing sunlight and view. 

A voice speaks out of nowhere, interrupting your view-sponging. "Oh my, it would seem that someone is already up here." You look behind you and spot an NPC man suddenly peering out the entryway to the large balcony. His hair is a normal shade of black, and upon his brown eyes is a pair of glasses. There's something incredibly familiar about his voice, but you can't quite seem to place it yet. Its almost theatrical tone is rather uncharacteristic for an NPC, so you’re a little confused to say the least.

"I can leave if you like. You can have this spot," You say as you begin to get up from your spot on the railing and move for the exit, but you’re kept in place anyway.

"No, no, don’t worry about me," he replies, strolling up to the edge of the balcony and leaning on the railing. There’s considerable distance between you two, but his enigmatic, slightly overbearing presence makes it feel otherwise. "It’s a beautiful view, isn’t it?"

"Y-yeah." You give a stunted reply. This guy is trying very hard to make conversation. 

"It reminds me of the tale of an old god renowned for their beauty. I think their name was… Allurosia," he says, looking over at you on the final word. 

You frown. "Who’s that?" You’ve never heard of a god of that name in Genshin lore. 

Clearly that reaction wasn’t what he was expecting because his theatrics suddenly fall flat. "Wh-what? You don’t know?"

"No? Why would I?"

"Oh fuck it. Plan B."

Then way he expresses his words… Now you can place it. 

"ENJOU?"

"HUH? That’snotmyrealnamebut

HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?"

"AUGH, WOULD YOU ABYSMAL FUCKS LEAVE ME ALONE?!" You begin shouting. 

Enjou only makes some exasperated noise in response and proceeds to shove you backwards with an almost comical grunt. Why are you not surprised. Except you don’t hit the railing. You keep falling into a goddamn portal. He must have opened it behind you all of a sudden. You scream as you begin to plummet, the bright environment fading from light into darkness. 

You fall for an unexpectedly long amount of time. There’s no end in sight for your plummet. You had been rotated like a gyroscope a few times, but there was nothing to see. Is there even a bottom to this pla—BLAHHJCK.

The wind is knocked from your lungs against a hard surface. Rather than disappearing in a cloud of blue sparkles, you’re in one piece. How did you survive that fall?! Maybe you have more HP than you thought. But if that didn’t kill you, then it certainly would have done a massive number on you. 

You flop over and shakily prop yourself up with your arms. The ground beneath you is a smooth blue-grey stone, laced with spidery cracks. Looking out and around, there’s finally some light, albeit kind of shitty lighting. You’re already starting to miss the sun. It’s hard to make out anything beyond the misty horizon. In fact, there doesn’t seem to actually be much out there. Someone turned down the render distance again.

"Ugh, why do they all have to be so disagreeable…" Enjou suddenly complains. You look up and there before you floats the strange creature you know as Enjou. His arms are crossed dramatically across his chest. (Disregard this description if you’re well and truly a monsterfucker) Frowning, you notice that Enjou has taken a form halfway between human and Abyss Lector. He still had a human facial and chest structure, but the colouration was a bit strange; his face was flesh coloured while his neck was a fade from crimson red to a pale yellow. His black hair now also has a similar fade, and his sharp crimson eyes now have black sclera. How edgy. Instead of wearing his mask usually, it now sits on the side of his head, similar to how Childe wears his. It’s a little hard to tell, but Enjou still looks of the same height and almost the same build as the Abyss Lector normally. Not gonna lie, he looks pretty nice in this halfway form. "Get up," He grunts, folding in half to look down at you condescendingly while floating in the air.

You have an idea for the second time today. "Make me," You also grunt. 

"You’re unbelieveable!" Enjou says, exasperated. 

"That’s rich coming from you," You snort in reply. 

He rolls his eyes in response. 

"You want me, come pick me up. I’m not moving." You lie back down flat on your back and cross your arms over your chest as well. If you can bait him into getting close enough, maybe you could use your new abilities to somehow get him to cooperate with you. 

"Hah, like I’m doing that." Enjou scoffs. With a snap of his fingers, a cage suddenly manifests around you. Your eyes widen in shock. You didn’t see this one coming. Enjou notices your shocked expression and smirks in response. "Gotcha," He sneers. 

Your eyes narrow in a death-stare as you try and wave your hand around outside the cage, but the silver bars kept you in place. Enjou was just out of reach. He’s at the perfect distance to mock you. He turns around with a taunting flourish and floats off towards the domain gate. The cage around you lifts up and you drift behind him in close tow. The two of you pass through the gate and come out in some strange new ruins. You had never seen this part of the Abyss. Then again, you haven’t seen too much of it in game. Floating ruined pathways snake along towards a large free-floating sanctum. What look to be trails of dust or water poor off corners and edges, down into an infinite abyss below. Rather fitting for your location, if you do admit. All the grey-blue architecture is gilded with blemished gold and silver, just like you’ve seen in-game. You wonder what part of the Abyss this is. "Oi, Enjou, where are we going?" 

"Someone’s taken an interest in you. You’ll see her in a minute," He replies, not bothering to look back at you. "We’re nearly there, now stop being annoying."

You huff, crossing your arms over yourself like a pissed off child. The two of you finally pass through the sanctum entrance and you are greeted by a large throne room. The hall itself is rather empty, with not much in the way of decoration beyond the usual greebled walls and strange glyphs lining the place. On the far side of the room, a strange throne sat on a raised platform. On the right is a Hydro Abyss Herald, and the left, an Electro Abyss Lector. The both of them are in a similar half-way form just like Enjou. Sitting on the throne itself is a familiar face. 

"Lumine?" You mutter under your breath, looking visibly surprised. Of course she’s the Abyss twin, since Aether is the one wondering Teyvat — but you didn’t expect to taken to her this quickly. The front of the cage suddenly drops open, and you’re launched from it and onto the floor. Enjou stands behind you, looking ready to hurl fireballs your way at any moment. You throw a nasty look at him (which he returns), but you then turn your attention towards the Lumine right in front of you. 

She looks at you with a calculating, unreadable expression. Her eyes are cold and judging, but she doesn’t look scornful. "So you’re the (Y/N) that has caused such unrest in Teyvat… Another outlander, it seems," She remarks. 

You’re not quite sure what to make of her comment. "How much do you know about me?" 

"A bit. You suddenly appeared out of nowhere not long ago and had captured the interest of quite a few Allogenes. Archons and my brother included." She rests her head on her hand, propped up on the arm of the throne. Her aloof gaze does not leave you. 

"Yeah, that all sounds about right…" You mutter to yourself. Enjou mentioned something about someone named Allurosia, you recall. It sounds like the Abyss might know more about your weird-ass abilities than you. "Hey, uh… do you know what these weird powers of mine are? Enjou sounded like he was trying to drop an information bomb on me earlier but it didn’t work." 

You side-eye Enjou with your comment, which he notices and scoffs at. 

"You have somehow come into possession of the powers that once belonged to the late God of Emotions, Allurosia. That god was renowned for their beauty and charisma. All they had to do was look at you and you were under their spell. What you can do now is not too far from it," Lumine explains. 

So Allurosia was another harem lord like you. Cool. 

""That god perished during the Archon War, but they were still a force to be reckoned with, meaning you could be as well. The circumstances of how you came into these powers is still unknown, but I have a proposition for you," Lumine rises from her throne. Her aura exudes an air of majesty and confidence that you can’t help but shrink in. 

"And that would be…?" You lower your head and look off to the side. 

"Look at Her Highness in the eye!" The Abyss Herald slams the end of one of his water sabres on the ground. 

"Align yourself with the Abyss Order and we can find out more about Allurosia’s old powers and why you now possess them. You have great potential to change this world for the better." Lumine stands with her shoulders back, looking down at you on the ground. (You’ve been doing an awful lot of floor-sitting today). 

So that’s the proposition. Barely thinking it over, you can already tell that it would end in disaster if you agreed. With Dainsleif now forcibly added to the harem as of a few days ago, you joining the Abyss could spell chaos. Besides, even when you just played the game, you weren’t super intent on wanting to be part of the Abyss to begin with. You’re at a bit of a catch-22 here. If you join the Abyss, lord knows what would happen with the people back in Teyvat, but if you disagree, they could easily smite you on the spot since you’re rather combat-inept at best. 

"So? What do you say?" She asks, raising an eyebrow. 

"I— um," You sputter. "I think I need some time to think... Yeah, think. I need to think..." You really do need to think. Think about how the fuck you are going get yourself out of this situation.

Your promise to Dainsleif bounces around in your mind as you hatch a plan. I’ll try not to do anything dumb… Sorry Dainsleif, that promise if going to have to break. It’s stupid time. 

You begin to sway slightly. Putting a hand to your forehead, you let out a pained groan. Lumine frowns in confusion at your strange reaction. "I don’t— that’s—," You sink down a bit, hand now clutching your chest. Time to ramp it up with some shaky breaths. You’re not really sure where you’re going with this sudden ailment, but it’s working. "Why is the human acting strange," The Electro Abyss Lector comments, rather puzzled by you. 

"Are you alright?" Lumine asks. She takes an apprehensive step in your direction. The Abyss twin might be an antagonist in the game, but they’re both good people. 

Now you lie down, lowering your head between your hands, looking incredibly vulnerable. Lumine takes another step towards you. By doing so, Lumine has taken the L. WEIRD-ASS HAREM POWERS, GO. Enjou yells something to Lumine right as you snap your hand out, but he’s too late. Your hand claps over Lumine’s ankle. He warps right next to her. Enjou too takes an L. With your other hand, you manage to make contact with him as well. The two of them are stunned. 

You launch to your feet, hands splayed out like two deadly weapons, ready to strike. The Hydro Herald and Electro Lector look at the frozen Lumine and Enjou and then at each other. And then at you. "Fuck—" The Herald teleports behind you, about to slash. His arm comes down right where you were standing before. You slash your hand upward, colliding with his arm. He’s instantly hit, recoiling and freezing up. 

The Electro Abyss mage is the last one left. He growls in annoyance, launching a swarm of Electro spheres at you. You jump behind the Herald, who takes the brunt of the electrocution with a comical yell. Once he’s stopped being electrified, you shove him towards the Lector, who only narrowly misses the poor Herald. You quickly summon your sword and strike upwards again, launching the Lector’s book out the window and into the endless pit below. You had been practicing that one with Aether. While the Lector is panickledly scrambling after it, you launch towards him, palm outstretched, clapping him over the shoulder. 

The whole room stood stunned, still trying to process what just happened and probably their emotions. You let out a puff of air. That was intense. 

"I still need to think on that proposition, I think." You dust yourself off, now addressing the others on equal footing. "Now, it would be appreciated if you could send me back." You stand with your hands on your hips, now commanding respect from them instead. 

"Well, we no longer could, even if we wanted to," The Elector says bitterly, floating ominously in place. 

Your confident expression drops into a frown. "Wait what? Why?" 

"Because you knocked my damned book out the window. Without that spell, I can’t just open a gate all the way to Teyvat. Do you know how far that is? Besides, teleporting a whole other entity is far different from teleporting yourself." 

Your stomach drops. "Oh… fuck." 

"Fuck is right. I’m not going to be able to have another copy for at least a few months. It takes a long time to make those things, you know." He grumpily crosses his arms like a child having a tantrum. You thought the Elector was also doom and gloom like the Herald, not like Enjou. Speaking of—

"Enjou, you shoved me into a portal before. Can’t you do something?" You turn to look at him, but by the looks of it, he didn’t have a solution either.

"Recall that flat expanse halfway? That was the furthest reaches of the Abyss. That’s as far as I can personally go. The gate there was held open by that one." Enjou nods his head in the Elector’s direction. "Besides, I don’t have a goofy-looking book for that sort of thing." 

"Because you constantly burn them, you fool." The Herald grunts. He had picked himself up from the ground at some point and now stood behind Lumine. You down at her while the three Abyss higher-ups bicker amongst themselves. She looks as disappointed by them as you are surprised. Canon divergence at its best, you suppose. 

"So I’m stuck here for at least a few months…" You sound incredibly defeated. 

"So it would seem." Lumine finishes facepalming. "Your friends likely won’t find you here for a while, anyway. A few days in Teyvat is a few months here in the Abyss. I suppose that gives you time to consider the offer, though. Despite all… this..." Lumine gestures around her at the grumpy Lectors and Herald. "…Do tell me how your stay here could be more worthwhile. I will see what I can arrange.” This kindness is definitely an effect of the entire room getting grabbed. It’s strange as fuck to say the least, but why not take the W when it’s presented to you on a silver platter?

"I suppose I have one request?" 

"And what would that be?"

"Teach me how to fight." If you’re gonna get stuck in the Abyss for what will be a few months of your perceived time, you may as well embrace it and do a Childe. It might make things interesting once you’re out again. "I don’t care who I learn from. I want to learn combat. Ooh, and teach me some fancy Abyssal tricks if that’s possible for me." 

Lumine looks surprised by your keen interest in combat. Maybe the Childe-ness is already starting to set in. "You already know a couple of sword techniques, it would seem. I can teach you personally… I-if you would like, of course." Lumine scrambles slightly to add the last part in addition. Looks like she’s succumbed to the awkwardness, just like her brother back in Teyvat. 

"Oh hell yeah, I’m down." The light’s already leaving your eyes. My god, someone stop (Y/N). "I wanna learn from you three as well.” You point between the three Abyss members who had all stopped their infighting to look at you confusedly. 

“That could be arranged.” Lumine nods. “For now, there are other matters to attend to. You three, (Y/N), come with me.” Lumine turns tail with a dramatic swish of her dress and wanders out to one of the other pathways connected to the hanging sanctum. 

So you’ve successfully set up more combat classes. Given that you’ve successfully gained at least Lumine to your arsenal, any of the training you’re given won’t be allowed to end in death. Chances are you’ll only be close to dying for the next three months. Oh well, maybe this could be fun. 

———

Back in Teyvat, Xiao had finally returned from the call, only to find that there was no trace of a soul on that sun-spattered balcony. He looked around for you, but there was no you in sight. Were you with someone else now? Did you get bored and leave? Did something bad happen to you? Xiao surprises himself with his anxious thoughts. He’s not usually the type to suddenly get so worked up over someone new, but there’s something different about you that he can’t articulate. All his worrying left him with different unpleasant feelings, so he decides to go looking for you. 

He calls your name. There’s no response. 

He looks around the balcony. Nothing. 

He looks around the Inn. Still nothing. 

“Xiao, have you lost something?” Verr asks. She clearly noticed Xiao’s increasingly frantic searching. He’s as obvious as daylight right now. 

“Have you seen (Y/N)? I can’t find them and they’re injured.” He replies. He was going to redress your wounds, but he can’t now that you’re gone. 

“Oh, that new outlander?” She taps her chin, trying to recall all the faces she’s seen come and go. "I believe I saw them last with the traveller Aether, but that was much earlier this morning. If you can’t find them, then he may know.” 

With a quick thank you, Xiao quickly teleports to Aether’s location, which he notices to be somewhere not too far from the inn. His sudden appearance jump-scares both Paimon and the blond. “Xiao, you nearly gave Paimon a heart-attack!” She stamps her feet about in midair, but Xiao pays no mind to her. 

“Have you seen (Y/N)?” 

“What do you mean? They were doing a commission by the river just south of here. Has something happened?” 

“They were injured so I took them back to Wangshu Inn for a bit. I was called, so I had to leave for a few minutes, but once I got back, they were gone. They’re not at the Inn. I looked.” Xiao explains urgently. 

“Wait, you—“ Aether begins, but he is quickly cut off by Paimon’s melodramatic gasping. 

“What if they got kidnapped by hilichurls?! They’ve been beating up a lot of them recently! Maybe they want REVENGE!” 

“…Paimon, no.” Aether frowns, facepalming slightly. "Something feels off about this. I want to look as well.” 

“The more eyes, the better,” Xiao nods, quickly flitting off in a cloud of smoke with another step. 

And thus begins the search for missing (Y/N). 

Will the search for (Y/N) prove a success? What will become of (Y/N) after the Abyss? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!

<- ep 4.1

ep 4.3 ->

aaaaand here's an enjou (as described) as an apology for my godawful motivation and non-existent schedule.

[img id: a painted sketch of a smugly grinning humanoid enjou. he has the same hair and glasses as his npc form, but his black hair fades to red and a pale yellow, like his neck. his mask, which has been very slightly altered, sits on the side of his head. his eyes are red with black sclera and 4-point star pupils. his clothes have also been slightly modified to be more simple because op got lazy drawing them.]