#it's not as bad as the time I read “actually” as “germany” which is so freaking bad 😭😭😭

[novodontia]

my brain has been so ruined by hetalia that I saw fanart of fucking grian (minecraft guy) and thought "woah, cool alfred f jones fanart"

Like 😭😭😭 is this punishment for man's hubris

[garbagequeer]

the thing about beautiful riverdale is that there are a couple of people in my life who seem to have learned the trick to see me turn into the happiest person on earth with the biggest smile under any circumstances which is asking me about riverdale

[noxtivagus]

Final. Fantasy.

[feminist-space]

Cat in the Hat:

"The German Health Minister gave an important update on the Covid situation yesterday.

I’ve written up the section of his speech from the video below for easy reading.

It’s immensely refreshing to see a government minister warning of the harms of Covid in such a transparent way."

https://x.com/_catinthehat/status/1732092683508678954

Prof. Karl Lauterbach

Health Minister, Germany

4 December 2023

"This second (long Covid) round table was very interesting, lasting three and a half hours. It serves as a unique forum for dialogue among scientists, researchers and those affected by long Covid, facilitating the exchange of ideas.

There are many new findings about long Covid. Not all of them are good news. One piece of not-so-good news concerns the fact that long Covid is actually still a problem for those who are newly infected. One estimate that has been put forward is that the risk of contracting long Covid now, even after vaccination, is around 3%. Now you may say, "that's not such a big risk" , but there are tens of thousands of people who are repeatedly affected in a short period of time. And so, the long Covid problem has not yet been solved.

We have also established that there really are many subgroups of long Covid and that we do not yet have a cure. And it was clearly pointed out that we are also dealing with problems here that will challenge society as a whole, because vascular diseases often occur after long Covid. Throughout Europe, we are currently seeing an increased incidence of cardiovascular disease in the middle-age group - from 25 to 50. This is associated with the consequences of Covid infections.

We also very often find cognitive impairment in older people. And one participant pointed out that it may well be like the Spanish flu, where 20 years after the Spanish flu there was a significant increase in Parkinson's disease and probably also dementia.

This is something we must pay attention to, as the past infection afiects how the immune system in the brain functions, as well as the brain's blood vessels, potentially increasing the long-term risk of these major neurodegenerative diseases. This is why we need to conduct very intensive research. This research has played a major role.

What is the overall assessment of the situation now?

We have to be careful. Long Covid is not curable at the moment. We also know that over 40% of those who have several manifestations of long Covid, for example, five or more, still have symptoms after 2 years, so it doesn't seem to heal spontaneously. We also know that those whose symptoms are more pronounced at the beginning are less likely to heal.

So some of what we know from the demographics of long Covid has been confirmed, and we now know more precisely which mechanisms in the brain, but also in the blood vessels and the immune system, are responsible for this. Professor Scheibenbogan will explain this briefly later.

At this point, I can only say the following - this is particularly important to me:

First of all, long Covid is a disease that stays with us and that we cannot yet cure. And we are seeing an increasing number of cases as the waves of infection continue to affect us.

Secondly, Covid is not a cold - with a cold, you don't usually see any long-term effects. You don't see any changes in the blood vessels. You don't usually see an autoimmune disease developing. You also don't usually see neurological inflammation - these are all things that we see with long Covid. Therefore, one should not assume that Covid infection is just a common cold. It can affect brain tissue and the vascular system, and we still lack an effective treatment, making these studies crucial.

Significantly, we know that the risk of long Covid decreases when you're infected but have been vaccinated. That's why it's concerning that only 3 million people have been vaccinated with the new, adapted vaccine. That is a very bad result.

Please protect yourself from severe infections.

Please protect yourself from long Covid.

Currently, the danger posed by Covid is indeed being underestimated. Nothing is worse than infecting someone at Christmas who then becomes seriously ill and may not fully recover."

Alt text is included in all images of this post.

[gingerswagfreckles]

I know everything that can be said on this topic has been said to death and no one but Jews will ever acknowledge it but it is still absolutely infuriating how every brand of gentile from every part of the political spectrum has collaborated to turn the word "Nazi" into a generic word for "fascist" or "bad person" or "person I don't like." Nazism isn't just fucking fascism and it isn't a synonym for bad person. It's a specific ideology that is centered at its root around blaming Jews for every problem in the world and wanting to exterminate them.

No, generic racist Republicans are not "Nazis." No, TERFs are not "Nazis." No, your crappy corrupt European leader is not a "Nazi." No, cops are not "Nazis." You know why they aren't Nazis? Because their entire ideology and behavior, as harmful as it may be to certain groups, is not centered around hating JEWS.

Nazism is an ideology centered around hating JEWS. Other people and groups may be caught in the crossfire, but ultimately, a Nazi's goal is to exterminate Jews, and you cannot just ignore that! I read a 12 paragraph essay yesterday written by a gentile analyzing the reasons people in Nazi Germany flocked to Nazism, and antisemitism wasn't mentioned as a motivation even once! They thought it was all because of gender norms and sexual repression! Oh my god!

The comfort with which gentiles have near universally divorced Nazism from antisemitism in colloquial speech is a direct precursor to the separation of Nazism from antisemitism in academic discourse. It's a direct predecessor to the rise of institutionalized antisemitism that we are seeing happen in real time now, because you have all gotten so used to appropriating Jewish trauma and Jewish oppression to the extent that you have convinced yourselves it isn't even uniquely real. That antisemitism doesn't exist as a specific bigotry that stands on it's own, that antisemitism is always some kind of footnote tied to some other, more important form of oppression. Do you think that Jews don't see what is happening here, that we don't see the deliberate generalization of Jew hatred and appropriation of the language we can use to refer to it? Jewish trauma becomes everyone's trauma, Jewish oppression becomes everyone's oppression, and soon enough the world at large has stolen the language of Jewish oppression right out of our mouths, until huge swaths of people can say "Jews are the new Nazis" and not see anything absurd about that at all.

Because you won't. Fucking. Acknowledge. What Nazism actually is. You won't fucking acknowledge that any ideology is specifically targeted at JEWS, and not YOU. Stop it!! Stop it! Cut it the fuck out. Nazism cannot be divorced from antisemitism and the insistence that it not only can be but MUST be by gentiles just shows how deeply ignorant and biased against Jews most of you really are.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

What do you need to know about lgbt+ history as a lgbt+ person? 

Well, if you ask like that: nothing, actually. You do not disqualify from being lgbt+ if you know nothing about history whatsoever. There’s no exam to pass. 

It also doesn’t make you a bad person or a disgrace to the community or an embarrassment if you haven’t heard about a specific chapter of lgbt+ history yet - saying so would be really unfair! Maybe you live in a situation in which you don’t feel safe to do a lot of research on lgbt+ related stuff. Maybe you are a young person growing up in hard times and you’re busy just surviving. Maybe your brain works in a way that makes it harder for you to learn or retain new information than for others. Or hey, maybe you already know lots - but your learning simply focused on a different chapter than the one that hypothetical exam would be on!

Of course there are many benefits to learning about lgbt+ history. You get the general benefits of learning new things (such as training your critical thinking skills, which will help you in your everyday life, and even supporting your brain health!) but there’s also specific benefits to learning about this specific subject.

History isn’t all “learning boring stuff about dead people” - learning about past events and their consequences also helps you understand present events and gauge their potential consequences for your future. This will for example empower you in your voting decisions (or help you understand how politics influence everyday life at all, if that’s your starting point!). 

Knowledge about lgbt+ history also helps you to notice misinformation more easily and enables you to counteract homophobic myths with facts. 

It may even help you on a more personal level: reading up on all the people who came before you can foster a sense of identity and belonging. It might make you feel more confident to know that people like you have been around forever and have achieved so many things! 

So, rather than “what do I need to know”, I think the much better question is “where do I want to start?”. 

Nobody knows everything about lgbt+ history (or about any given topic, really!) and unrealistic expectations will only set you up for disappointment. It’s best to let your curiosity lead you! You’re much more likely to actually read up on something you are genuinely excited to learn about than something you’ve only been told to read. 

With that in mind: it can feel overwhelming to pick a topic to start with! Especially if you’re pretty new to lgbt+ history, you may not even know where to start. So I do want to make some suggestions here. Not as a “you need to research all these today or else I’m revoking your license to gay”, just to spark your curiosity! I will not add explanations right here in the post, I just want to give you some terms you can easily put in the search bar. (Important: these are in random order, not ranked by importance or anything like that!) 

US-Centric lgbt+ History

1. Stonewall Riots

2. Harvey Milk

3. Marsha P. Johnson

4. Sylvia Rivera

5. The Lavender Scare

6. Obergefell v. Hodges

7. Don't Ask, Don't Tell

8. The Mattachine Society

9. The Daughters of Bilitis

11. The AIDS crisis

12. Bayard Rustin

13. Lawrence v. Texas

14. The Gay Liberation Front

15. The Human Rights Campaign

European lgbt+ History

1. Section 28 (UK)

2. Oscar Wilde

3. Alan Turing

4. Magnus Hirschfeld

5. Paragraph 175 (Germany)

6. The Homomonument (Netherlands)

7. EuroPride

8. James Barry

9. The decriminalization of homosexuality in the UK (1967)

10. ILGA-Europe

11. Homosexual Law Reform Act 1986 (New Zealand, part of the Commonwealth)

12. The Equality Act 2010 (UK)

13. Transgender Europe (TGEU)

14. The first same-sex marriage in the Netherlands (2001)

15. Dora Richter

Have fun learning! 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

P.S: You may wonder “But what about places other than the USA or Europe?” (or those of you who already know a lot about lgbt+ history, “but what about (topic I haven’t mentioned here)”) - and that’s actually a really great point! It highlights what we talked about above: nobody knows everything + lgbt+ history is way too rich of a topic to put it all into one short list! This isn’t meant to be a comprehensive list of everything important, just some potential starting points that hopefully lead you to topics beyond ones mentioned on this list.

[canirove]

Pedri Imagine

Author’s note: This is a request I got on Wattpad, something sweet and cute after he got injured at the Euros. Hope you like it and thank you for reading! 💜

Masterlist

“Hi.”

“Hello.”

“Are you feeling a bit better?”

“Yeah” Pedri says over facetime. “I'm sorry about earlier, tho.”

“Uh?”

“When I kept ignoring your calls and texted you that I wanted to be left alone. I was kind of rude.”

“Pedri, you had just left the game with an injury that meant that the tournament was over for you. It is normal to be angry and frustrated and to want to be left alone.”

“Yes, but… I don't know” he shrugs. “I feel like I was a bit rude with you. With the person who is always there for me on the good and bad days.”

“It's ok” I smile. “But urgh, don't remind me of how much it sucks that I am stuck here with work and that I've only gotten to watch you play once. I should be there taking care of you, not about to start a 24 hour shift at the hospital.”

“I miss you too. But I'm fine, I'm taken care of. Your patients need you a lot more than I do” he says.

“You are being taken care of by who? Nurse Ferran?” I chuckle.

“Among others. Unai has been offering to carry me around.”

“Lucky bitch” I whisper.

“What?” Pedri laughs.

“Nothing.”

“I heard you. Who is a lucky bitch, me because I get to be carried around by Unai, or him because he gets to carry me?” he smirks.

“What do you think, Pedri?”

“Him, obviously. Carrying me is an honour.”

“What are you now? A prince?” I laugh.

“A king, actually. King of your heart” he winks, making me laugh again.

“I'm glad you are making jokes, tho. That means you are feeling a bit better.”

“I'm not joking. I am the king of your heart.”

“Of course you are” I smile. “Have they told you when are you coming back?”

“Actually…” he says, running a hand through his hair. “I'm not.”

“What?”

“They are allowing me to stay with the team and start my recovery here.”

“Oh, that's… that's really nice of them.”

“It is. See how De La Fuente isn't that bad?” he says with a teasing smile.

“Yeah, whatever” I reply. “But if you are staying…”

“We won't be seeing each other in person until they've made me champion of Europe. Which they will.”

“I see…”

“Aren't you happy about it?”

“Of course I am, Pedri. Seeing you this positive after what happened makes me really happy. Relieved too. But I just… I just wished I could get to at least see you once before you come back. Get to enjoy the atmosphere of the Euros together and not just through a screen.”

“Me too… But this isn't my last Euros or international tournament. There will be more in the future, and we will experience them together. I promise you.”

“Ok” I say, forcing myself to smile. “Anyway, I gotta go. My shift is about to start and I need to finish getting ready. Can I leave you in the hands of nurse Ferran and nurse Unai?”

“You can” he chuckles. “But what about you?”

“Uh? What do you mean?”

“Are you ok? You looked a bit gutted after I told you I'm staying in Germany.”

“I'm fine, Pedri. Don't worry. I'll call you tomorrow, ok?”

“Ok. Go be a superhero” he smiles. “I love you.”

“I love you too” I smile back before hanging up.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

A few days later…

“They are very optimistic about the injury. They say that if I work hard during the summer, I'll be back sooner than I think” Pedri says.

“Yeah, well. Let's not rush things.”

“Oh, hello!” Ferran says, showing up on the screen next to Pedri.

“Hello” I smile. 

“How are things in Barcelona?” he asks me.

“Same as always. Over there I've been told you've been so good at your job as a nurse that you may steal mine.”

“Yeah… But I don't think there will be a second time. I don't know how you can deal with him, Pedri is the worst patient ever.”

“Hey!” Pedri complains, giving Ferran a little push and only managing to make him laugh.

“It's the truth, bro” he shrugs. “Anyway, have you shared the news yet?”

“The news? What news?” I say.

“I… ummm…” Pedri says, nervously touching his face. “I've got a surprise for you.”

“Ok…”

“It's a good surprise, of course. It doesn't have to do with my injury or anything.”

“Pedri, c'mon!” Ferran urges him.

“Yes, ummm… I got you a ticket for the final.”

“You what?” I say.

“I made some calls, and you are gonna be free for a couple of days, which means that you can come watch the Euros final with me and my family.”

“Pedri, that's… how… I mean…”

“Someone is speechless” Ferran chuckles.

“But how… How did you manage to do this?” 

“Perks of being Pedri González” he shrugs. 

“I… I don't know what to say, I…”

“See? Speechless?” Ferran says again.

“Just say yes. Say that you are coming to watch them make me champion of Europe and then celebrate with us” Pedri says.

“I… Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, Pedri. I'm going to Germany” I smile.

“Thank God” he sighs. “I thought you were going to say no.”

“And miss the chance of being carried around by Unai while celebrating that Spain has won the Euros? No way” I say with a teasing smile. 

“What?” Ferran says with a confused look.

“Inside joke” Pedri says. “Will I see you in a couple of days, then?”

“You will. Germany, here I come!”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“See? I told you the will make me champion of Europe!” Pedri says, limping towards me.

“They did, yes” I laugh. “But please be careful” I say, nodding towards his knee.

“I'm fine, don't worry” he smiles as he reaches me. “Did you enjoy the game?”

“It was the best. I still can't believe I'm here, to be honest.”

“You're welcome” he says, still smiling. “Now, before the boys come kidnap me again… Can I get my first kiss as champion of Europe?” he smirks.

“You can. But” I say, stopping him as he wraps his arms around me. “First I need to say something.”

“Yes, Unai will carry you somewhere if that's what you want.”

“What?” I laugh. “I mean, I do want a photo with him later. And maybe we could take it while he is carrying me… But that's not what I wanted to say.”

“Then?”

“I wanted to say that I am so proud of you, Pedri. And not only because of that medal around your neck. I am really proud of you because of everything you've done during this tournament even if you didn't manage to finish it on the pitch, and especially because of how positive and strong you've been. Not many people are capable of doing that after what happened to you, you know?”

“Yeah, well” he says with a shy smile.

“I love you, Pedri.”

“And I love you too. Can I get that kiss now?”

“Yes, you can” I laugh before kissing him.

[archiveikemen]

"Don't Look At Anyone But Me" Collection Event

Nica Schwartz

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Read this before interacting

On my way back after submitting a report, I heard someone call out to me.

Nica: The young lady over there. 

Standing there was one of the twins from Vogel.

Kate: Can I help you?

Nica: Actually, I got lost. 

Nica: Would you be kind enough to guide me? 

I was puzzled by the sudden request, but I nodded and he narrowed his almond-shaped eyes. 

Nica: Thanks. 

Kate: Don’t mention it, where are you headed? 

Nica: The room we’re staying in. Do you know where it is? 

Kate: Yes, this way! 

I pointed down the corridor and started walking with him following behind me chuckling. 

Nica: Fancy running into you like this, I really am as lucky as ever. 

(Harrison’s warning made me a little wary of Vogel’s members, but Nica is easy to talk to and doesn't seem like a bad person.) 

Even though I knew he was lying about something, it wasn't clear whether it was out of malice. 

(It’s not a good habit to judge someone you just met, right?) 

I was deep in thought while walking, and we soon arrived at Vogel’s room. 

Nica: Thanks for the help, “Spatzi ¹”.

Kate: “Spatzi”?

Nica: It’s German for “Robin”.

Nica: Crown calls you “Robin”, right?

Nica: So “Spatzi” it is.

¹ In the original text, Nica says ロビン which is basically hiragana for literally "Robin" and later explains that he actually said it in German. I previously made a post asking how I should translate this into a German word and the general consensus was "Spatzi" because I was told that's a term of endearment in German, so I decided to use this word. Do feel free to let me know in the notes if there's a better word, as I don't know the German language at all.

He sat down on the sofa and shifted his gaze to the seat across from him. 

Nica: Won’t you have a seat? 

Kate: Huh? 

Nica: It's rare for us to meet like this, so let’s chat a little. I want to know more about your job and all sorts of other things.

While I was feeling tense because it was only the two of us in the room, he propped his chin on his hand.

Nica: Besides…

Nica: I’m interested in you. 

Nica was smiling, but his eyes resembled those of a predator who had caught its prey. 

He looked pleased when I hesitantly sat down, and he called a maid to prepare some tea. 

Nica: Well then, shall we start by reintroducing ourselves?

Kate: Yes, please. 

Nica: I’m Nica Schwartz, a strategist for Vogel, an organisation under direct command of the Emperor of Germany. 

Kate: What does the job of a strategist entail?

Nica: I gather information, act as the brains of the group, and support Dari in various ways.

Nica: The details are confidential. 

Nica: Ah, right. Just call me Nica. No need to be formal with me.

Kate: Understood, Nica.

Nica’s smile widened when I called him by his name and he pointed at me. 

Nica: Now it’s your turn. 

Kate: I’m Kate, a Fairytale Keeper. There were all sorts of reasons that landed me in this job position, but I used to work as a mailwoman.

Nica: Hmm, you must know your way around pretty well, then?

Kate: Yes! I’ve delivered mail all over London, so I know it well enough to show people around. 

Nica: That’s great, I’ll have you show me around next time. 

As I reached for my teacup, Nica’s words interrupted.

Nica: What does the Fairytale Keeper do? 

Kate: I accompany Crown in their activities and record anything that happens.

(There are actually various other things, but…)

I figured it wasn't wise to go into the details, so I decided not to elaborate.

Nica: But you’re only an ordinary person, right? Isn’t it dangerous? 

Kate: Everyone at Crown made a promise to protect me.

Nica: Uh-huh…

Although he looked like he was listening, there was something about his tone that sounded as if he was getting ideas that made me a little uneasy.

But that feeling quickly went away when his expression suddenly brightened.

Nica: So you’re Crown’s super, super, cute little Spatzi. 

Nica: You must be really important to them.

Kate: I- I wouldn't say that…

(While it’s true that they treat me with courtesy…) 

It all started because I witnessed them conquering evil with evil.

(Me being where I am today is a result of my desperation to stay alive.)

Had I not spoken up back then, I might've left this world by now.

Nica: Dari might not like it, but I think it’d be fun to have a Fairytale Keeper in Vogel.

Nica: Ah, but it’d also be no good for Ring.

Kate: No good?

Nica: Ring’s my twin brother, but unlike me, he’s not good with people. 

(It’s true that Ring gave off a cold impression when we first met…)

As I thought back to our first meeting, Nica leaned in and peered into my face.

Nica: Goodness, are you interested in Ring? 

Kate: No, it’s not like that…

Nica: You can’t do that, because— that is mine.

He placed a finger on my lips, narrowing his eyes and flashing me an awfully charming smile. 

Afterwards, we chatted about some trivial everyday topics and the sky turned a crimson hue before we knew it.

(It’s already gotten this late…)

He widened his eyes in an exaggerated manner when he glanced at the clock. 

Nica: Oops, it’s already this late. I suppose it’s about time we end our conversation. 

Kate: You’re right. I enjoyed our conversation.

Nica: I could say the same. Let’s talk again another time.

I thanked him as he stood up to open the door for me, and I was about to leave the room when— 

Kate: eh.

He held up a lock of my hair and placed a kiss on its ends.

Nica: For our next date.

His lips parted with a soft sound. 

Nica: Oh, did you forget how to get home? Or do stay here and have me lock you up?

His provocative tone made it clear that he had been going easy on me. 

(To Nica, that conversation was only a way for him to gauge his circumstances. If he were to get serious—)

— He could easily steal the whole of my heart. 

Kate: Pardon me. 

My cheeks turned hot and I hurried out of the room without caring about who might see me. 

Nica: Bis dann / See you. Spatzi. 

Before he stole my heart. 

…

< Nica’s POV >

While I was laying on the sofa, my younger brother came back looking haggard. 

Nica: What, did you get lost?

Ring: Yeah… the place’s so huge, I couldn't tell where I was.

Ring sat down on a chair with a sigh.

Ring: If only I could easily memorise the layout of buildings like you do, Nica…

I laughed at those words. 

Nica: Sometimes I pretend to get lost on purpose.

[apas-95]

Do you have any good reads on the Molotov–Ribbentrop Pact? I don’t trust wikipedia on this because all sources are from anglo-american sources and one is from radio free europe lol

I'm bad at giving reading references, but in brief: the USSR first approached each of the western powers and attempted to form an anti-Nazi alliance, but none of them aggreed, because they wanted the Nazis to weaken or outright destroy the USSR, and kill two birds with one stone (hence the 'appeasement' period); all the other powers had their own treaties with Germany that were generally equivalent wrt non-aggression; and the USSR eventually formed its own non-aggression treaty with Germany *because* they and everyone else knew Germany was planning to invade and genocide the USSR, so they needed as much time as possible to prepare their defences (for their piece, the Nazis would expect increased war preparations on the part of the USSR to actually *benefit* their invasion, as they hoped that the USSR would dedicate all its forces to its western border, and have them decisively encircled and destroyed all at once with the initial, speedy push - the USSR showed great restraint and forced Germany instead to commit to a lengthy, protracted invasion to fight the bulk of the Soviet army in its own depth). The Soviet occupation of Poland, while having its obvious negative aspects, also prevented further Nazi advance, and prevented the Nazi occupation of half of Poland, during which time Polish jews were able to be evacuated - and lest we forget that Poland itself was an extremely reactionary, antisemitic state at the time already. The USSR only occupied Polish territory once it became clear that the Nazis would not stop at the part of Poland designated to be in 'their sphere', and would continue to occupy the part that was technically protected in the treaty by being designated as part of the 'Soviet sphere'. The idea of a 'Nazi-Soviet alliance' that carved up Poland is a key piece of ideological justification for the equivocation of fascism and communism, and, along with the 'double genocide' myth, was perpetrated directly by the Nazis themselves.

[generational-atrophy]

Nice blog! You wouldn't mind if I took a little chomp out of it yeah? :D

Mmmmm can I request France,Germany,England, Prussia and Russia with an s/o who really likes there accent and voice. S/o would listen to them talk all day just to hear there voice/accent? There just mesmerized by it.

Much appreciated partner and have a great day🙏🙏‼️‼️🔥🔥⁉️⁉️🪑🪑🪑🪑

(France, Germany, England, Prussia & Russia x Reader) S/O that loves their accent!

(Gender Neutral) Headcanons ~ A/N have fun eating my blog but beware. Theres poison sometimes :)

Trigger Warning: None, just fluff!

Oh, you do not need to tell him that. He knows. And he adores how obsessed you are with just his voice. Don’t worry, he won’t tease you too bad

But expect to be woken up a couple of times by him reading you love poems in French. Actually, he’s doing that all the time. Anytime that he can speak to you in French, he’s doing it.

“My beautiful language for a beautiful person, no?”

It’s also pretty obvious that he exaggerates his accent for you. Sure, he’s been speaking English for centuries, but you’d never guess that from how he talks to you. It’s a little childish, but he just can’t get enough of your face whenever he says anything even remotely romantic in that silky voice of his.

Whenever he catches you staring, he can’t do anything but grin, promising himself that he’ll spoil you sometime soon for being so cute.

Ludwig has never really liked his own voice that much, so at least someone does for him. He always complains it’s too harsh and too loud. And years of people judging him for his accent didn’t help that…

But he trusts you completely. If you say you want to hear him, he’ll talk as much as you want. But since you’re not giving him a prompt, you’re hearing about 1870s train logistics. He doesn’t make the rules.

He would try to be all affectionate and sweet like you want him to… but that is really not his forte. He tries! But you’ll just both end up blushing and stuttering and getting nothing done then. If it’s just his handsome accent you want though, you’re all good. He can make a manual on building an IKEA chair sound hot.

He’d rather hear YOU ramble than do so himself. Even if he does love how adorable you are when you’re so infatuated with him.

No surprise there. You’re not the first partner of his to love his voice, and you won’t be the last. Luckily that means he’s got a whole lot of experience, so he knows exactly what to say to melt your heart.

“Come on, Darling, don’t look at me like that.  Why don’t we get out of here, just me and you? How about that, Love?”

He’s not much for rambling, much less talking about himself, but he can absolutely fulfil your need for his voice elsewhere. A lot of your nights spent together will be him reading some ancient novel to you, his voice soothing as ever, until you inevitably fall asleep cuddled up next to him.

He must admit, he loves having that power over you. Being able to make you fall in love with him using nothing but his words? You’re just so cute, he can’t resist flustering you on purpose.

Well, of course you do! He’s spent centuries making sure he sounds hot as hell! But… you’re being serious right? You aren’t annoyed by how high-pitched he can get? Ok, thank god.

He is so excited once you tell him that. It’s hard to stop himself from immediately teasing you about it. After all, there isn’t a single sight that’s cuter to him than your pretty face all lost in love for him.

If you’re ever feeling down, he tries to distract you by simply telling you a long, overly complicated story from his past. Which, with those purple eyes fixed on you and a goofy smile plastered across his face, all the while his voice drips with accent, it’s hard to not get distracted.

He loves talking about himself anyway. It’s a good thing you like hearing him. Most people don’t. But that’s just what makes you two meant to be <3

Oh, you like his voice? He’s confused. You’re being serious? … why?

The poor guy is really insecure about his voice. He worries his accent is too strong, too ugly, and his voice is way too high-pitched. It seems like no one likes when he talks… they say he’s rude and weird. So… your adoration for him and how he speaks is a real shock.

Whenever you ask him to talk more, he gets all embarrassed and doesn’t know what to say! Especially if you compliment his accent, then he just freezes up and dismisses you. Anywhere you are, he’ll start talking all quietly and cover his face with his hands. But you can still see him blushing underneath them…

But once he’s used to it, he loves just narrating the things he’s doing. Sometimes you’ll wake up and come downstairs to see him coming up with some silly song about the breakfast he’s cooking you. Learning that you like hearing him has definitely made him include stuff like that in his daily routine. 

Plus, now when he wants a reaction out of you… he’ll lean into it. Rolling his r’s dramatically, whispering to you in Russian… when he wants to be, he’s quite a tease.

[fairuzfan]

Reading you replies and had another thought. So if you were to ask a German they probably would say that the country suffered/answered for its genocide because it was split in half and other things. But this doesn't actually touch on the difference between punishment for an action and the reeducation of why the whole thing was bad not just that it was bad. Did Germans realise what they had done was so terrible that it was beyond comprehension at times? Yes. Did they go through their beliefs and reeducate themselves to ensure they'd learnt from it and it could never happen again? Nope. Absolutely not

yeah someone also asked in another ask about what i mean when i say germany wasn't de-nazified and this is pretty much the reason i'm getting at. there is no real, tangible undoing of nazi ideology. we can see it with how they call everyone who immigrates from arab/african countries as inherently antisemitic. their anti-immigration policies. their INTERNAL policies just within the past few months. these actions are like textbook nazi precursor actions. which shows that there was no real undoing of nazi-ism.

plus, nazi germany is not that long ago. people are still alive who remember nazi germany. so i find it very hard to believe they got rid of their entire systematic issues of nazism within like... a generation.

[shelyue99]

Some thoughts about Operation Varsity, which Nix served as an observer and nearly died, portrayed in the Ep 9 of BoB—I’m not sure who actually assigned Nix to be the observer. In Dick’s memoir, he wrote he dispatched Nix, but in Biggest Brother, it seems it was Sink assigned Nix. If it was Dick and if Nix got killed in the operation, I just can’t stop myself imagining what kind of guilt Dick would feel.

The operation was launched on March 23, 1945. Nix returned the next day. The same day Dick wrote a rather bitchy letter to DeEtta. The tone of this letter is so out his usual character, just Dick being sassy and also mean. Dick was exhausted. Nix nearly escaped death and was shaken, withdrawing himself into alcohol. My theory is that Dick was in a bad mood because of exhaustion, and that Nix almost died.

Here is an excerpt from Dick's memoir, Beyond Band of Brothers:

The next evening, March 23, Field Marshal Montgomery launched Operation Varsity, a massive attack across the Rhine at Wesel with his entire 2d British Army. Though Ridgway's XVIII Airborne Corps, of which the 101st Airborne Division was an integral part, had originally been slated to participate in the offensive, changes in the troop list resulted in William (Bud) Miley's 17th Airborne Division being the only American airborne division participating in Montgomery's highly touted offensive. The 101st was allowed to send observers, so I dispatched Captain Lewis Nixon.

Fortunately, for Nixon, he was assigned to be jumpmaster of his aircraft. As he approached the drop zone, his plane was struck by heavy antiaircraft fire. Nixon and three other men made it out of the plane, but the rest were lost when the plane crashed. Nix remained with the 17th Airborne Division for one night and was then returned to 2d Battalion at Mourmelon on a special plane. Nix's brush with death left him visibly shaken, particularly when at this stage in the war, no one intentionally put himself in danger now that victory was at hand. Captain Nixon found his usual retreat in alcohol that evening, but I was glad to see him safe. On a side note, Nixon's jump with the 17th Airborne Division qualified him as one of two men in the 506th PIR eligible to wear three stars on his jump wings: Normandy, Holland, and Operation Varsity.

/

An excerpt from Biggest Brother, the Life of Major Dick Winters:

For his S3, Winters soon reclaimed the man he wanted most. Ever since Lewis Nixon had been elevated to Sink's staff, the colonel had become increasingly frustrated with the man's drunkenness. In late March Sink had assigned Nixon to jump as an observer with the 17th Airborne Division during Operation Varsity, the assault on the Ruhr, the industrial center that still propelled Germany's sagging war machine. Nixon was jumpmaster and in the first seat by the door. On March 24, as the plane lumbered over the drop zone, it was hit by flak. Nixon and three others managed to launch themselves out the door before the plane exploded. A day later Nixon was back with the regiment, and while he was drowning the memory with Vat 69, Sink was visiting Winters' headquarters.

"I have a problem, Dick," he said.

"It's Captain Nixon."

Winters knew what the complaint was, so it came as no surprise.

"Goddamit, the man's drunk all the time," Sink said. "I mean, I certainly tip a few myself at night and when off duty, but with him it's all the time. I can't get any damned work out of him. How did you find him to work with?"

"Captain Nixon and I get along very well, sir," Winters replied.

"That's what I had thought," Sink said. "Do you want him back? Can you use him?"

"Oh yes, I can use him," Winters said.

"You got him," Sink said. "Hell, every time I need him he's always here with you anyway. He may as well stay."

So Lewis Nixon, now the only man in the 101st to make three combat jumps, returned to 2nd Battalion.

/

The letter from Dick to DeEtta on March 24, 1945:

Dear De-

What kind of stuff are you reading nowadays? From the line of icky stuff you wrote about my picture it sounds like 15¢ worth of pulp magazine. Something that would be called "Ten thrilling love stories" or "True confessions." Anyway don't hand me that kind of stuff. I get to look in the mirror about once a day when I shave and when I'm honest with myself, I just say, "Boy, are you ugly." So to be brief I am just glad I don't have to go around all day looking at myself.

Then you talk about my hair being darker. Hell, no, it's just dirty. I don't get a chance to wash it but a couple times a year. Then there's worry muscles on my forehead. My aching back! I've worry muscles all over my face and the longer this war continues, the deeper they'll grow for I've got over 600 big individual worries myself when I get time to think about my future.

Now we come to the part [in your letter] where my "eyes are keen and seem to follow you wherever you go." This is too much for me, I quit! Hell, that's the way I sleep!

Next, my "mouth seems firmer, and my face broader, yet muscular." Naturally, if you'd been beaten around for so long and eaten noth-ing but K rations, you'd need more than a lipstick to look ----

"When I think of what your eyes have seen, I just can't visualize or imagine that much." Have you read these combat stories in the newspapers and magazines and seen these movies on combat? It makes me shiver too. "Do you jump when somebody slams a door, hit the ground if a car backfires?" Well, that's about all there is to it. Once you've seen one French village, you've seen them all, Holland, Belgium, Alsace-Lorraine, Germany-all the same.

So you met a boy from the 511 [Parachute Infantry Regiment, 11th Airborne Division]? Is that outfit in this man's army? Never heard of them doing anything! Gee, that sure must have been interest-ing to hear what the lad had to say about what paratroopers must go through. Terrible, I imagine. I'lljust bet they run him to death. And if his officers don't work him to death, he'll most likely get killed on a practice jump. Did he tell you about the time he killed three Germans with his bare hands? Or about the time he got a letter from his girl and he was so inspired he went out and killed ten more of those dirty old krauts?

Yes, yes, those poor, poor, tired old krauts, just aching to give up. All you have to do is walk over there and invite them to give up. Why, I imagine he told you how a Yank is better than any three, old, tired krauts. Then there's the one about how they can't shoot worth a damn, can't hit a thing. I know, I've heard them all. To be brief, that's about the same grade as the stuff you handed me in the letter I just went over with you.

Sort of tired tonight. This thing of running a battalion can be rough if you want to make it that way.

On the radio they just announced that the 101st jumped east of the Rhine today. Mighty interesting!

Wish they would have told me so I could have gone along.

Well, here's to the end. This letter looks and sounds like I must have been drinking but I am about as sober as a judge. Only just so tired I am too lazy to lift my pen, let alone think.

Well, I'll be seeing you in church-

Dick

[lowkeyrobin]

TOM KAULITZ ; catching feelings

summary ; while on summer vacation, you meet tom and spend most your summer sneaking away to be with him

warnings ; language, put way too much effort into this, should i make a part two??

disclaimers ; reader has two younger siblings 😔 for plot purposes. I also don't know much about Germany / Euro countries as an American, I obv have no idea what it was like in 2008 and I used Google for some reference so sorry if anythings still inaccurate / didn't exist yet

track ; catching villains, chizzy stephens

word count ; 1.5k

masterlist

You couldn't stand school. At least you were going into your senior year, the only thing keeping you calm beyond the panic, knowing you'd be back to school again in three months.

Your parents won a 300 grand lottery ticket, so why not bust it on their soon-to-be graduate?

You picked a vacation to Leipzig, Germany. You really just wanted to experience a lot of the tourist attractions, and your family agreed. Who could say no to drag racing fancy cars, art museums, ghost hunting, and riverside forest tours?

Adrenaline courses through your veins as you step onto the airplane, knowing this was sucking probably thousands of dollars out of your parents bank accounts.

Your iPod rests in your hand, wired earbuds stuck into your ears, your favorite songs playing as you lead your younger siblings to your seats.

This was gonna be the best summer ever.

Your first week went as expectations had gone. You spent the first few days just exploring and getting to know the area all while trying out all the restaurants you could. The food was good, that's for sure.

The hotel you were staying at, the Steigenberger Icon Grandhotel Handelshof, was also quite the attraction itself. The exterior was wrapped in castle-like architecture, the pallete a light tan and soft red. The inside was even better, feeling like another, very distant, home. Luxurious, to say the least, which you weren't all that used to.

Home wasn't this fancy. It didn't have golden accents, bright white lights along the large mirror above the couples sinks. The bathtub wasn't as big as a baseball field, and your beds weren't laced with silky sheets. Weird for 2008, but alright.

Sadly, those silky sheets that retained all the nice, cool air in your room were thrown up on by your younger brother the morning before you went to go drag race fancy cars. Fuck.

Turns out, he'd come down with a bad fever and couldn't go anywhere. Your plans were soiled and your parents needed someone to go pick up some food and medication.

Of course, you were the scapegoat who wasn't going to bring your little sister along. She wouldn't be interested anyway, too absorbed by the television playing My Little Pony.

So, you got to walking down to the nearest convenience store all by your lonesome in a country you were just visiting for the summer. You'd only been here three weeks and shit was going bad.

What was even worse was that there'd be no possible way to rebook your tickets to another time, meaning you'd never get to experience a rush of pure adrenaline in a fast car in Germany. Hell, you wouldn't have a chance to do this back home, let alone do it yourself in your college years. You didn't have a death wish.

You solemnly walk down the sidewalk, passing many of local residents and other tourists, trying to navigate your way down to anywhere that sold soda, crackers, and Pepto Bismol.

As you walk in and scan the aisles, finding crackers and soda just fine, you realize you can't read German, meaning you couldn't actually tell which bottle of liquid medicine was what you wanted. Motherfucker. You knew you should've taken German your freshman year.

You stand frozen in front of the shelves, trying to make out whichever one could've been 'Pepto Bismol' in German. Fucking hell, why would it have been translated and how? Why would it even be in a different bottle?

"Hey, are you looking for something?"

Your head quickly snaps up to the voice who was speaking to you. It was a boy who'd noticed your increasingly nervous body language and paralyzed staring. He wears a white jacket with a thick, tan stripe across it over a matching shirt, which is paired with baggy jeans, flat Nike's and a white baseball hat. Underneath the hat is a head full of brunette locs, which are surprisingly well tamed for a skater looking boy.

"Uhm," you glance between him and the shelf nervously. "Pepto Bismol."

"Oh," he softly chuckles, grabbing a bottle right off the shelf, handing it to you. "Here you go,"

"Thanks" you nervously smile, thanking him for the favor.

He glances down at the items shoved in your arms, raising an eyebrow. "Odd selection."

"My brother got sick," you answer. "My parents both had to stay at the hotel with my siblings apparently. I'm the only one responsible enough I guess,"

He nods, his hands shoved in his pockets. You'd just noticed he wears a lip piercing, and had black sunglasses resting over his hat. "How long are you staying?"

"All summer. Going back the last day of August."

"Oh, wow. Nice."

You nod. "Parents won a little fortune off the lottery and wanted to do something nice for me since I'm graduating this next year,"

The corners of his lips shape upward, "Me too. You need any tourism suggestions? There's so many places to go all around here,"

"Oh, I'm good," you shake your head, pulling the cash your parents handed you out of your pockets. "I don't know how long my brother's gonna be sick. My family's on the 'if one person loses everyone does' mindset. It's bullshit. Wasted my own money on reservations for something and I can't get them refunded and I can't go,"

He nods, curious. "Where to?"

"Drag racing thing. It's called Pure Adrenaline Rush,"

He nods with a soft smile, familiar with the name. "That place honestly sucks anyways. I could give you a way better show, for free even," he pulls a pair of car keys from one of his pockets, swinging them on the index finger of his right hand.

You chuckle, gracious for the offer. "Thanks, but I'm good. I have to sit around a hotel room until my brother feels better," you speak, rolling your eyes.

"Your parents won't let you have your own fun even after your plans got canceled? It wasn't in your hands?" he questions, following you up to the registers.

You shrug. "I dunno, dude. I could try begging them, but I doubt it'll go my way. They'll bring up how I picked to come here and how expensive it was and how I can spend some time with my family,"

He shrugs, "I'll drive you back to your hotel, yeah?"

You sigh, realizing your legs were practically numb after the mile long walk you'd have to take down here. "Okay, fine,"

He smiles, leading you out after you pay for your items, a plastic bag swinging in your hand. A black convertible rests across the street, three other figures sitting in the passenger seats. You look at the boy with the locs, seeing him jogging to the car.

The boy in the front raises an eyebrow, his eyes landing on you. He looks back up at the boy with the locs, brushing his fine, straight brown hair back with his hand. "Who's that?"

"No one, just taking them back to their hotel,"

"Where's our snacks?" another boy asks, his eyes confusingly following the first boy's figure. His hair is black with some white streaks, laying straight and flat.

The last boy with short, blonde hair is silent, just listening.

"Georg, move to the back," the boy with the locs speaks.

Georg, the boy with the long hair, sighs, unbuckling his seat belt before sliding to the back between the other two boys. The boy you met in the store turns back to you, inviting you to the front passengers seat.

You accept, jumping in, the bag at your feet.

"Thanks for the ride,"

"No problem,"

You definitely didn't get to go drag racing that day, but you did end up sneaking out to hang out with the boy with the convertible that night. His name was Tom, as you'd found out. His brother was the one with the black hair, Bill. The blonde haired boy was Gustav, and the brunette was obviously Georg. They were pretty cool friends, to be honest.

As they wait for you, Bill leans up toward Tom from the backseat. "Don't catch feelings. They're only going to be staying for three months,"

"I won't," Tom grumbles, rolling his eyes.

"He's catching feelings-"

You zip your jacket up as you approach, jumping into the passengers seat, beside Tom. His sunglasses rest over his eyes now, ironic as the sun was long gone.

"Hey," he nods

"Hi," you smile, strapping your seat belt into the buckle.

He hands you his iPhone 2, the aux cord connected to the car radio. "Wanna pick some music?"

"Uh, sure," you nod, accepting the offer.

Yeesh, those accents got you down bad now. Sleep deprivation made you feel real damn funky. You scroll down his iTunes to Everlong by Foo Fighters.

Tom smiles, holding up a fist for you to bump. "Foo Fighters, yeah?"

You bump his fist with yours, mentally preparing yourself to dangerously speed with a bunch of kids you'd just met hours prior in the dead of night. You couldn't lie, the car was pretty hot itself. Don't get yourself started on-

"Ready?"

"Set!"

"Go!"

"Get out of my car."

[proship-culture-is]

Proship culture is being annoyed at how antis always try to dictate what someone is allowed to do or not in fiction..

"Uhmmmmm, you're not allowed to enjoy that in fiction because [insert any reason]."

I find something very concerning here, and it's antis using the words "you CAN/CANNOT."

And I ask them: who are you to police what others do with their imagination and freedom of speech? Now that’s something antis actually can’t do because, the very moment they attempt to dictate what someone can or can’t create in fiction, they’re contradicting the very concept of freedom.

You know where there are actual laws policing what people think, say, or do as art? Totalitarian dictatorships, like communist countries such as North Korea. Having freedom of speech means people are free to think and say whatever they want, as long as they don’t break any law.

I’ve been an OC creator since I was 6 or 7 years old. And I’ve been a WWII OC creator since I was 13. I currently have a bunch of WWII OCs. These OCs include Nazis, Soviets, and even more controversial characters. Of course, I don’t support Nazis or communists. And of course, I don’t condone WWII. The reason I have these WWII OCs is because I like history. And it’s genuinely funny to me when antis come up to me and say I’m not allowed to make WWII OCs. Antis always say, “Making Nazi OCs makes you a Nazi!” They also talk about how fiction genuinely harms people.

Any type of fiction such as books, games, shows, ect, do not harm people. You know who used to think books harmed people? The people of Nazi Germany. Those who worshipped Hitler. Yes, that’s correct. The people that antis are comparing me to are the ones who believed what antis believe and try to force others to follow: the idea that fiction harms people. The Nazis genuinely thought fiction (books, in their context) harmed people, so they decided to burn them because they didn’t agree with them.

As a person born and living in Austria, it’s incredibly insensitive and disturbing to be called a Nazi, especially considering Hitler was Austrian too. Not to mention how incredibly dangerous it is to water down the meanings of words. I don’t condone Hitler’s actions or support his ideology; therefore, I am not a Nazi. I’m just an OC creator who finds WWII history interesting.

I’ve had people telling me that my OCs are illegal because Nazi topics are taboo in Austria. And as someone who actually lives in Austria and meets Austrians every day: They’re not. My OCs would be considered illegal if they portrayed Hitler or Nazis in a positive light, which they do not. My Nazi OCs are portrayed as villains. They are portrayed as the bad people. Therefore, my OCs are not illegal. I’ve talked to Austrian adults who are educated about this topic. They all agreed my OCs are fine as long as they don’t romanticize or glorify Nazis - which, again, they do not. If non-glorified Nazi-themed fiction were really illegal in Austria, I wouldn’t be able to watch shows with Nazi characters on TV. All books containing Nazi characters would be banned. All the video games with Nazi tanks and planes would be illegal to play. Guess what? They’re not. Because it’s fiction.

To the antis seeing this: be not so quick to dispense judgment about who can or can’t do things. You may not want to find yourself, in the near future, with fingers pointed at you simply because you told people to stop enjoying something just because you don’t like it. Also, stop harassing people. Their fiction didn’t do anything to you. You just can’t handle people having harmless fun.

I’m sorry for the long text. It’s just that, as an autistic OC creator with a special interest in WWII, it’s sickening to me that I get called a Nazi for simply having fun with my fictional characters. I’m just so tired of antis dictating what others can and cannot do. I genuinely appreciate everyone who took the time to read this.

☆

[transgenderer]

in a somewhat...precarious, stressful situation with my advisor because like. so the reason i TOLD him i wanted to leave is because of the like academic environment where there are like no other phd students here who share my research interests and care about math. cuz theres like maybe 5 students total here who care about math. so. odds. and that is true. but the OTHER reason i want to leave is that there's no one here whose research im interested in, including my advisor. and if i dont get in anywhere else, im PROBABLY going to masters out. but i wanted to leave open the option of staying here. however i have this other research project collaboration long distance (hopefully a paper soon!!) that actually holds my interest (unfortunately, not with ppl who have a faculty position, so cant jump ship to them), and so ive been spending all my research time on it instead. and also my advisor STILL hasnt finished reading my VERY SHORT paper. cmon man. but yeah he keeps giving me advice and hassling me to do things that make sense from the false perspective ive given him. i should PROBABLY just tell him that i want to change topic when moving locations. but then he'll be like "thats a really bad idea, youre already so far in this topic" and then the only explanation i can give is "this topic bores me". so. bad. also, we were planning for my quals to be this winter. but they were going to basically be a formality, because he thinks im ready for research. except now hes saying he thinks it would be worthwhile to have this one guy at a nearby school on my thesis board or whatever it's called, and he thinks that guy would want me to know a lot more in the field. and like. it just doesnt really make sense for me to dedicate that much time and effort to quals for a thesis im not gonna write.

uuuugh theres gotta be a path here.... i made some really poor choices and it seems like the best case scenario is going to be burning at least a year of phd progress, if not like...3 years (because i wouldnt be starting somewhere else until the fall semester next year...). which is really bad. but also, idk. germany was really cool. so. 6 months of good at least, out of so far 2 years of massive fuckup

[cazzyf1]

Wolfgang von Trips teenage opinion on WW2

When I read over his diaries a few months ago one entry that stuck out to me was one where he went to see a war film in the cinema and then wrote down his feelings on what had happened in the war, his feelings about Germany, and his feelings about the army. I found it interesting because I had never read a German's perspective on it before and it was a unique read. So when rereading his diary I decided when I came to this entry I'd write it up and publish it for anyone else curious about what his teenage opinions were.

Reminder that this was written when Wolfgang von Trips was in prime teenage angst and still struggled to understand and cope with the effects of growing up in the war and almost dying a few times. As he got older he was determined to try and restore Germany's good reputation, especially with cars and was good friends with very patriotic Brits.

(Translated from German to English via a translator)

October 14, 1947, Tuesday

I haven't been OK for days. I had a very bad cold, it's better now, but I still have a lot of pressure above my left eye. I'm worried about inflammation in my sinus. I want to do some serious inhalation. Maybe it will clear up after all.

I was just at the cinema. English film, typically English. They showed the victory celebration. It makes you feel awfully different when you see how our defeat is celebrated. How we fought and yet we were ruined. The film and everything else took me back to a time a few years ago when we were (at least from my point of view) a people who stuck together, were honest and fought, when as a boy I was enthusiastic about everything and proud when our planes came, saw nothing bad in anything. During the war I didn't see anything bad about the war itself either. (Today I have a different opinion.) But I was still capable of enthusiasm and when one day, after a long time spent at the school camp, I saw German tanks and planes in the newsreel for the first time, I cried with excitement or pride. It was an indefinable feeling. And now it's all over. Forever. Never, never again will we carry weapons, soldiers.

Everything is bad, mean and vile, what was previously an ideal and a model. Never again will I be able to freely and truly choose. I know today, and I fully understand, that one can what used to be my highest ideal was actually not quite right. But I still mourn all of it because it will never come back and there is no replacement for it. And when I compare my thoughts from back then with those of today, ideals, goals, plans, I can't describe it like that.

I still remember exactly how, during the Jabo era, I once thought to myself: I can still picture the moment - what do you do when no more bombs are falling, no more Jabos are coming, and no more anti-aircraft guns are firing?

I thought that I must be missing something that was almost vital to my life, so it had all become my world. Today I realise that this is really something that can be rejected with normal common sense, not wrongly influenced by time, and knows it too. But the fact that I have directed all my childish and youthful - certainly not small - enthusiasm towards something that is now over forever makes me very sad. How well could something else have taken its place? something of lasting value, art, music, or for that matter, something technical. Then I wouldn't feel like I'm in such a topsy-turvy world today. I see it in other boys. For them, it doesn't mean as much as it does for me. They just didn't rely on it like I did and it was just a side issue, annoying side effect for them. Unfortunately, I'm a bit stuck now, I keep looking from one thing to the other, I just can't settle down anywhere. The contradictions in which I live and those around me are too great. I don't really know where I belong, I'm also missing the right friend, I'm missing Rudolf von Marsewsky.

It's all rubbish, damn it! The time is over, all the ideals destroyed, but if I'm honest with myself, my pure reason tells me that everything was just right, war, violence and power and so on.

I see it very differently today, but deep down I say it was beautiful and powerful and definitely better than this filth today. It's a shame that I can't really express my thoughts so that I can record them for later. Because I'm sure I'll change somehow and it'll be interesting to see what it would be like now if I still had something like that from the war or before. But I have it a little different in my head than I can express it here.

Sometimes, like now, I remember the past. Then the whole time comes back to me and I start to compare and a train of thought arises like this one. (Usually it is a conversation, a film or something else that triggers it.) And when I think about freedom, about my real life as a boy, with shooting, riding, hunting, also Hitler Youth service and military training in the mountains, our conversations and thoughts at the time and the feeling I had when I thought about the Air Force and my future, and now I think about the fact that this kind of feeling of happiness can never arise in me again because there simply can't be any reason for it anymore, then I could cry.

I haven't been aware of all this for a long time. Simply because I haven't thought about it that much. Writing it all down is partly a mental aid. It helps me get deeper into something than if I just think about it.

I was just counting the pages and had to laugh at myself. I could spend hours pondering about some of the things that usually bother me. But I want to stop for today, maybe tomorrow or soon if I get into a strange mood again (it's just the film's fault).