#it's never easy to talk to two cishet guys that i don't know but they seemed nice at least lol

[eddiediaaz]

just did this final interview for that call center job (step fucking nine), I NEED POSITIVE THOUGHTS (i will only know tonight or monday if i get the job)

i really fucking need that job, no one else has called me back and if i don't have a job by october i'm fucked 🙃

[mackmp3]

I’d love to hear you talk about PJ Harvey and queerness, if you’re so inclined!

OH MY GOD ANON I LOVE YOU reveal yourself so i can kiss you /joking and platonic (unless...)

this is gonna be really long so TL,DR, A Lot of PJ's work can be interpreted to be about a sapphic and/or gender non conforming experience.

OKAYYYYY SO

PJ Harvey, despite having never actually said she isn't straight, has written some Very Queer music, both in subtext and fully in the lyrics.

a few examples -

Dress could be interpreted to be about feeling the pressure to be a stereotypically girly girl and trying to navigate social situations where it's expected you have a boyfriend -

'Must be a way that I can dress to please him It's hard to walk in the dress, it's not easy [...]

Filthy tight, the dress is filthy I'm falling flat, and my arms are empty Clear the way, better get it out of this room A falling woman in dancing costume'

but failing to do so because it's just not you. feeling uncomfortable in a dress, trying and failing to have normal interactions with guys - which of course cishet girls can feel as well, but hits particularly hard as a queer, gender non conforming, girl adjacent person

O Stella, while the symbolism makes it about a religious idol, could be interpreted to be about idolising an older girl. Oh My Lover is about being totally fine with a partner's hypothetical polyamory.

Man-Size is a big one, before i even knew the term gender envy i was Deeply Aware that that was what man-size is about (in my opinion, at least) - wanting to things that guys do but not being able to cos you're a girl.

'Good Lord I'm big I'm heading on Man-sized got my leather boots on Got my girl and she's a wow [...]

I'm man-sized no need to shout Let it all, let it all hang out / out out out'

fantasising about a reclaiming of power while presenting in a more masculine way - WITH A GIRLFRIEND I MIGHT ADD - before going back to feeling as though that is unattainable -

'Silence my lady head Get girl out of my head Douse hair with gasoline Set it light and set it free'

like, 'get girl out of my head' is a pretty queer thing to say, yknow?

and 50ft Queenie -

'Hey I'm one big queen No one can stop me [...]

Hey I'm the king of the world You ought to hear my song Ah come on measure me I'm twenty inches long'

which is at the same time using male terms - even though the song is called Queenie, and that word is used a lot, she specifically calls herself King of the world, and proceeds to make fun of the perceived importance of a particular male organ, while at the same time saying she's better than them

more songs with gender and lesbian undertones - Yuri G, Catherine, to a degree A Woman A Man Walked By / The Crows Knows Where the Children Go (that one's quite explicit, word of warning if yu haven't heard that one before) - and songs that are covers of songs written by men without any pronoun changing - Shake Your Hips and I Can't Get No Satisfaction are two notable examples of that.

and then there are her songs that are just sapphic without being specifically gendery - My Beautiful Leah, Claudine the Inflatable One - i first thought that Down By the Water was about sneaking out to meet a sapphic lover under the bridge in the dead of night, a doomed romance, but there are lots of better and far more likely interpretations than that.

Polly herself has also said a lot of things that just kinda read queer. Like Patti Smith before her, she has said that she writes her songs from a place 'beyond gender', and just writes them as stories, sometimes from a male perspective. But of course, to a queer audience, you can hear her singing and *know* she's singing from a male perspective, but also can't help but to hear it as queer as well.

bit of a quote to go with that -

You've said that you don't like to think in terms of gender when it comes to music. Why do you think the gender issue, especially the concept of you being a feminist, is constantly mentioned with your work?

'I can only presume that, especially in the early days and early those labels tend to stick, but I know that I really played with gender in my lyrics, and I might sing in the shape of a man or I might sing in the shape of a woman. Or I might be dressing women in a loving way as a man or as a woman, or sometimes as neither. Sometimes more as just an essence, a feeling or an atmosphere. And I think that feels quite natural to me, but I think for some people it's not natural, and that's where the gender issue seems to become quite important.'

she was also adamant that she didn't want to be seen as part of riot grrrl, but rather as part of grunge - grunge was a very very aggressively male genre, and i don't think she thought riot grrrl had the right idea about how to go about empowerment - she took herself more seriously than that i think. she didn't want to be called a feminist, because she didn't want to be called a 'female artist', but rather just an Artist.

her gender presentation, moving from fairly neutral in 1992 (big black leather jacket, black boots etc, to the hyper-feminity of the To Bring You My Love era, 1995, also comes into play - she was showing femininity to be a performance, while also using it to her advantage, she didn't actually dress like that normally, no one wears that much eyeshadow, it was closer to a drag show than an actual outfits, a lot of the stuff she wore on stage. which is another one of those things that makes sense to a cishet girl, but gains more complexity as a queer person.

there's probably a lot more i can say on this, but that's everything off the top of my head! i cannot tell you how excited i was to get this ask, PJ Harvey is so much of how i've explored my own gender and sexuality, i could talk about this for a very long time!

[opinated-user]

Things I've Noticed That Are Accidentally Lily Telling On Herself:

She used to make jokes about Nicki Minaj being anti-feminist for talking about sex/being provocative. As Nicki has gone on to do more and more collaborations with sex offenders including convicted pedophile 6ix9ine, these have completely stopped.

She used to rip off the Jimquisition constantly. After Sterling came out as nonbinary, Lily stopped this. She also mockingly says "James Stephanie Sterling" when referring to them and rarely uses they/them for James Stephanie despite those being her preferred pronouns.

She still rips off Zero Punctuation despite his hatred of trans people, complaints about forced diversity whenever a non-cishet character is in media, and use of the phrase "genderspecials" to describe nonbinary people.

She says Friends is more popular than your favorite anime for a reason and then never addresses the homophobia, biphobia and transphobia from the main characters, none of which is ever framed as bad or even simply not funny. Transphobia is okay if you get a lot of views I guess?

She has never once in her entire YouTube career discussed the portrayal of Native characters, even though she's suddenly brown and Native any time someone criticizes her. I don't mean she's never made a full video, I mean she has never mentioned it at all. Even feigning investment is beyond her.

She rebuked Pop Culture Detective's video on the sexual assault, stalking, violations of consent and objectification of women throughout the show by showing a brief clip where Sheldon tells another man, "I know it's not easy putting up with me and I'm glad you do." without ever thinking to once provide any kind of clip, even out of context, where the men treat the women with anything approaching respect or humanity. The women do not matter. She doesn't show a single frame of them. If a man thanks his friend for putting up with him, him using a drone to take upskirt videos of a neighbor of his is fine I guess? He's a good guy so it's fine.

She says she only "pretends to respect" other video makers she watches and seems to think this is not an absurd thing to say. Most people, by default, respect other people until given some reason not to. Lily, by default, does not respect others, and admits to only faking it - and says it as if that's a normal, rational, reasonable thing and not what it actually is, which is so arrogant and snotty that it reads as borderline narcissistic.

She uses Hebrew letters for her white haired Aryan dictator to brand sinners/people who disobey him with, except for rape. Rape gets the brand 'A', for adultery. Adultery could traditionally be defined as a wide number of consenting acts between two adults, and instead Lily lowers the vileness of rape by lowering it down to 'adultery' level. Beat a woman unconscious and rape her in an alleyway? Have loving, consensual sex with someone you're not married to? These are on a completely equal level in her fiction world.

She justifies Kuvira's reeducation camps and creation of weapons of mass destruction by saying we didn't see the former and not talking much about the latter. This implies that it's okay by her that Kuvira abducts, enslaves, brainwashes and gaslights human beings who disagree with her, so long as we don't see it. She never once says doing those things is bad. It does not occur to her that they could be bad. Being seen doing them could be bad, which she acknowledges, but violating another person's will, ignoring their consent and rewriting who they are is only bad in that it would make Kuvira look bad, not bad because violating others is wrong.

There are red flags everywhere with her. The more that you watch her, the more that you see them everywhere.

Lily defenders like to pretend that Stockholm wasn't written by her. You know what? Fine, we'll pretend that's so. Is every single statement she's made in these videos and more also not written by her? Because that would be the only way to make these statements and the idea she's a good person make sense.

.

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

Title of Your Sex Tape

Chapter One: I Want To Hold You Close

AO3 one two three four five six seven eight

All my work is 18+.

As promised, here is chapter one of the pornstar au! Some background info. This fic would not be possible without the help of my dear friends @meetmyothersouls and @alexagirlie!

Regarding this fic, just general background info:

Basically, instead of going into full on acting, Tim becomes a pornstar when he's about twenty. He's instantly massively popular and has won several awards over the past five or so years. He's interested in regular acting, of course, and otherwise, his background is still the same. 

Bit of info about doing porn that I got directly from the source: it doesn't feel sexual. It doesn't even feel like you're having sex. There's a lot of other people in the room, and it's like you're filming a movie. It's acting. That's it. Plenty of pornstars are in monogamous relationships, it's a whole thing. That's not going to be the endgame here, but it is possible.  And yes, I do know that fluffers may or may not exist. We're assuming they do don't worry about it. 

Also, fair warning: due to the nature of his profession in this one, this fic does contain him having sex with other people (for porn. He does not have sex with anyone who isn't her for his own personal enjoyment, nor does the sex between him and the other women mean anything to him). I realize that that may not be everyone's jam, and that's totally fine. The sex he has with other people will not be described in explicit detail, and it's pretty standard stuff. He doesn't do anything particularly icky, in my opinion (like. Standard PIV stuff. No butt stuff), and it's only with women. He is not dating anyone exclusively at the beginning of the fic, though I imagine he probably sleeps around the normal amount for a guy his age. How many cishet men in their twenties of your acquaintance do you think would refuse regular sex with any woman they'd like if the opportunity arose? Not very many, is my guess. He doesn't sleep with anyone in a relationship, nor has he slept with anyone else outside of work when he himself was in a relationship. So... yeah. 

If you want on the tag list hit me up, currently it’s @ellamaianderson and @mxciscastleintheair. Hope you guys enjoy.

OKAY ENOUGH RAMBLING LET’S GET TO IT!

Something’s telling me to leave, but I won’t, ‘cause I’m damned if I do ya, damned if I don’t.- All Time Low, Damned If I Do Ya (Damned If I Don’t)

She knew who Hal Phoenix was. She was a single twenty-year-old who had never been in close proximity with a man for an extended period of time, so of course she knew who he was.

Hal was a big name in porn, and had been for a few years. He worked primarily on things marketed towards women, and it was easy to see why when you looked at him. He was fascinating, really. Apparently, he was extremely kind, courteous, professional, and genuinely sweet. His co-stars preferred him to others for those reasons… and also likely because he reportedly went out of his way to ensure their, uh… enjoyment.

Lea didn’t watch his videos, though. Or rather, she couldn’t watch his videos. He was so attractive it was downright terrifying. He was much taller than her own five foot and one quarter of an inch, and the sharpness of his cheekbones and jawline was intimidating. His eyes were a startling mix of green, blue, and gold, and his form was slim and just a little bit toned, the curls of his hair always deliciously tousled. The way he walked, talked, and held himself was all very… well. He behaved with an easy sort of confidence that everyone found attractive.

Plus, she’d heard from her younger sister, Ari, that his you-know-what was, to quote, “monster big”, and Lea found that very scary indeed. Moreover, she had not yet been able to bring herself to orgasm (she wasn’t even sure she could orgasm), so why bother with porn?

Ari had expressed jealousy that Lea and her best friend, Sam, were moving from their hometown in North Carolina to New York City for college, since that was reportedly where Hal lived. Ari wasn’t even shy about her obsession with him and had probably been watching his videos since she was far too young for them. Not that Sam was any different, of course.

Lea had never expected to actually encounter him, though. This was undoubtedly a good thing, as her mother was a domestic violence survivor and Lea had subsequently decided to steer clear of attractive men. Not that she was around any men or boys of any kind ever, since her and her two sisters had gone to all-girls schools all her life, but still.

This was why she was very alarmed indeed when the woman who had stopped her as she walked down the street after yet another failed job interview had said she was absolutely perfect for a job that had an opening at that exact moment and offered her three hundred for only one day of work and showed her to a nondescript building and inside a room that had none other than Hal Phoenix himself, standing in a robe with his bare chest peeking out.

Lea’s share of rent was overdue, so there was really no way for her to refuse regardless of what the job was.

The job, as it turned out, was a fluffer. Lea had not known what a fluffer was, and so the woman, Rosa, had explained that it was someone who was paid to help get—and keep—male porn actors erect. Lea had been told this directly before opening the door to the room where she was meant to perform her job duties, and thus, she was alone in a room with none other than Hal Phoenix himself.

As soon as he saw her, his eyes—good lord, those eyes—widened, and he nodded at Rosa before she closed the door.

Hal stood up from the couch he’d been sitting on and took a couple of steps towards her. Lea was frozen, staring at him in complete shock. She wasn’t entirely sure what she’d been expecting, but it must certainly hadn’t been this.

“Hi,” he greeted with a small smile that still managed to be blinding. “I’m Timothée, but you can call me Tim if you like.”

Timothée? she thought dazedly. Of course he wouldn’t use his real name in his videos.

“May I ask your name?” His voice was soft, polite; exactly as he’d been described.

“Amelie,” she told him with a gulp. “Well. Lea.”

“Amelie,” he mused quietly, “Is that that French?”

She nodded jerkily. 

“That’s lovely. Do you speak it, too?”

A rapid shake of her head. Then, “Too?”

Hal—no, Tim—smiled at her again. “My dad is French,” he explained, “I’ve always spoken it with him.”

He’s fluent in French, she thought, her head spinning.

“Will you sit with me?” he asked gently, gesturing towards the couch.

Lea nodded, moving to sit next to him as he returned to his spot.

“May I just say,” he began, “you are the most breathtaking creature I have ever had the pleasure of encountering.”

Lea blushed to the roots of her hair, tugging nervously on a dark red curl.

Sounding terribly sincere, he continued, “I must admit that you stopped my heart when you walked in.”

She frowned. She wasn’t beautiful, she knew that. She was too short, too curvy—thigh gap? What’s that? Could she eat it?—, too pale, her eyes were too brown, and her hair was a curly, frizzy mess that she couldn’t get to cooperate no matter what she did. Even her face was mildly cute at the absolute best.

So when he’d called her beautiful—more or less, anyway—, it seemed like complete and utter nonsense.

Seeing the expression on her face, Tim put his hand on her knee, and she could feel the warmth of his hand through the fabric of her skirt. “No,” he said softly, squeezing her knee lightly, “I mean it. You are astonishing.”

“T— thank you,” she said with a nervous gulp.

There was silence for several seconds as he stared at her, examining her features with interest.

“How old are you?” he asked after a moment.

Lea tugged a curl again. “Twenty.”

He smiled softly at her. “I’m twenty-five.”

She said nothing, only shifting anxiously next to him on the couch.

“I’m from here,” Tim added, still smiling. “What about you?”

“I grew up in North Carolina,” she told him quietly, feeling terribly awkward.

“Really?” he asked. When she nodded, he said, “Are you visiting?”

Lea shook her head. “I, um. I go to school here.”

“What are you studying?”

Another gulp.

Maybe she wouldn’t be so nervous if he was wearing more clothes. Was he naked under the robe? Did he have underwear on?

“Costume design.”

He nodded his head, absorbing the information she’d given him. “Interesting. I’d like to hear more about it sometime.”

Lea blinked at him. He wanted to hear about her studies? Why?

Should she ask him things, too? What does one even ask a pornstar?

“Should I, uh…” She trailed off, swallowing thickly and gesturing vaguely at him.

“Not if you don’t want to,” Tim said patiently, “If you’d prefer, we can just talk.”

She blinked at him again. “Wouldn’t they… not pay me for that?”

He smiled indulgently at her. “They don’t have to know.” She’d forgotten his hand was on her knee until he moved it up to tuck a curl behind her ear. “Although,” he said softly, “I’d like to try…” 

Tim scooted closer to her on the couch, and she stared up at him with wide eyes. He was much taller than her, even if they were both sitting down.

“Maybe a kiss?” He phrased it like a question, his palm cupping her cheek.

He was so close, and he smelled startlingly good, and she realized that she actually wanted him to kiss her.

He was staring at her lips when she blurted out, “I’ve never done anything like this before.”

His thumb stroked her cheek, and his lips quirked in a small smile, a small exhalation of laughter huffing out of his nose. He wasn’t mocking her, she didn’t think; his eyes were warm and kind and she felt strangely safe with him, even though that made no sense at all, given how little she knew him. 

“I can teach you,” he murmured, his breath fanning over his face.

Lea focused on her breath; the air filling and leaving her lungs. The issue, of course, was that the air smelled like him— fresh and clean and male, somehow; gender in a scent.

She nodded her head slightly, just the once, and that was enough. His lips quirked again briefly before he leaned forward and pressed them against her own. It was just a light caress; so soft she might not even have noticed it if she didn’t know for a fact it was happening, and she felt her eyes sliding shut of their own accord.

Tim’s hand slipped from her cheek into her hair, pulling her closer to him as he increased the pressure on her lips.

She wasn’t sure why, but when he tilted his head and started to move his lips against hers, she could feel his kiss throughout her entire body. It was the strangest—and the most exquisite—sensation she had ever experienced.

His hand wrapped around her waist to find the small of her back and pull her closer to him. As soon as she began to reciprocate his kiss, moving her lips hesitantly against his, he made a soft noise in the back of his throat and slid his tongue into her mouth, brushing it against hers.

She did her best to mimic him, though she wasn’t sure she was doing a good job. Tim seemed to be enjoying it, though— the hand he had in her hair tightened, and she found herself wanting more. Shifting closer to him, he moved her hand from its place at her waist to grasp her wrist and guide it to his chest.

His robe had fallen open a bit as they moved closer to each other, so her palm met bare skin, and he sighed into her mouth, sucking on her tongue. He let go of her wrist, placing his hand over hers instead, keeping it there as he kissed her.

Lea felt lightheaded, like the oxygen in her blood had been replaced with helium—or perhaps Tim himself—and she was going to float away on the sizzling air between them. She wanted him closer. She wanted him to touch her. She wanted him inside of her. His skin was warm and soft and she flexed her fingers slightly against him, allowing him to gently guide her hand down his chest.

She wanted to study it, examine every detail of his body closely, almost scientifically, but she’d have to pull back from him for that, which was, simply put, unacceptable.

Lea’s eyes fluttered open when he moved his lips to her neck, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses against her flushed skin. She supposed that he must have undone his robe at some point, because it was open and falling off his shoulders. Still, he slid her hand lower down his body.

He was going slowly, barely moving at all, and she realized he was giving her the opportunity to pull away if she wanted to.

The thing was, though, she very much did not want to. He was still kissing her neck, one hand on her waist and the other over where hers was sliding down his chest—no, his stomach now—, and she wanted more.

She was panting heavily when her fingertips grazed what she could only assume was his, uh… that.

He sighed into her neck, his hand still over hers as she wrapped it around him.

Wait.

It wasn’t… soft?

She was there to make him hard, right? That was her whole job, wasn’t it? But he was already hard, she was fairly certain. Hard and… and throbbing.

“Do you, um…” Lea gulped. “Do you still need me to…?”

He laughed softly, pulling back just enough to look at her with hooded eyes.

God, his eyes, they’re just—

“You don’t have to do anything,” Tim reassured her gently. She felt his breath against her lips when he spoke. “But I would like it very much if you stayed.”

With that, he removed his hand from over hers, and she exhaled slowly through her nose. “Show me how,” she whispered. “Show me how you like it.”

He shook his head a little with a smile, and Lea could’ve sworn it blinded her. He put his hand back over hers, tightening his hold so that hers would tighten, too.

He took a sharp intake of breath as she began to stroke him up and down the way she figured he might like.

“I’m sorry, would you mind…” He trailed off.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked nervously.

“No!” he said hurriedly. “No, not at all. It’s just, well, dry, is all.”

Lea blinked at him. “Dry?”

He nodded, licking his lips. “I can… I can do it if you’d prefer not to, of course—“

“Do what?”

Tim paused. “Spit on it, I mean.”

She gulped. “I… I can.”

“You don’t have to,” he insisted, but she was already pulling back from him, and when she looked down, she realized that she hadn’t actually seen it.

He was… he was huge. She’d known he would be—theoretically speaking, anyway—but knowing something in theory and seeing it in person were, as it turned out, two very different things.

Lea was suddenly tremendously relieved that she would not have to take that monstrosity in her mouth or anywhere else, though she was self-aware enough to admit that she wanted to do both. Desperately so, in fact.

He sat back, and she leaned forward slightly (not terribly far; she was too scared of his size to get any closer to it, if she were honest with herself), gathering as much saliva in her mouth as she could and letting it drip from her lips and land on his tip.

Sitting upright again and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she glanced back up at Tim to find him looking at her strangely. He took her free hand and yanked her towards him, her lips crashing against his.

Perhaps the most accurate descriptor for his kiss was ‘devouring’, because he kissed her like he wanted to consume her, guiding her fingers over his tip and showing her how to hold him, how to stroke him.

“F— fuck,” he groaned against her lips, “that’s so good.” He released her hand, and she moved it over him as fast as she was able. “You sure you’ve never done this before?”

“I definitely haven’t,” Lea confirmed, though she was very pleased to hear she seemed to be doing a good job.

He didn’t say anything, only sliding his hand into her hair again to pull her into another kiss. This one was just as hungry, but it was also rather quick, because he was kissing her neck again a few seconds later.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he groaned against her throat as she continued to stroke him. “There you go, doing such a good job, fuck—“

She noticed that Tim seemed to particularly enjoy it when she tightened her hand around his tip, so she endeavored to do that with each movement of her hand, and it only took a few minutes of that coupled with him alternating between moaning into her neck and kissing her hungrily before he finally grasped her wrist, stopping her movements while his other hand cupped her cheek. He captured her lips in a slow, intense kiss, taking her lower lip between his teeth when he finally pulled away from her.

“We have to stop now,” he murmured, “so just kiss me.”

Lea pulled back, startled and concerned. “Did I do something wrong?” she asked again. “Did you not like it?”

“No,” he told her firmly. “I liked it too much.” He laughed then— a light, breathy sound that made her stomach flutter. “I can’t cum,” he explained, “and you were going to make me.”

His words had the effect of a bucket of cold water being dumped over her head. Suddenly, she was reminded of why she was there, that she was getting paid for what she’d just done.

Tim was still cupping her cheek, though, and he was leaning towards her, his eyes on her lips, when there was a knock at the door.

“Tim,” a man’s voice said, “you’re needed on set.”

He huffed out a soft laugh of annoyance. “I’ll be right out,” he called, never taking his eyes off of her for a second.

Lea stared at him, aware of what he was about to go do and wishing he would stay there with her instead, but even so, it was hard to fight through the haze of desire that had clouded her mind.

When he stood, his robe slipped from his shoulders and fell to the couch. He made no effort to stop it or pick it up, strolling over to the door with a casual sort of confidence that made her throat feel cottony. 

His body had been remarkable up close, and even from a distance, it was… startling. His erection was much the same. 

“I hope you stay,” he said quietly. “I don’t think you fully comprehend what just started.”

“I—“ She gulped. “I just did what I was brought here to do.”

He shook his head with a soft laugh. “And what a wonderful job you did.”

He smirked at her before opening the door and stepping through as if he wasn’t as naked as the day he was born.

[khaleesiofalicante]

bestie do you really think it's funny to make me cry?

OK WHERE DO I START AUJHUJHDSDUJHFV

deep bre-INCOHERENT SCREAMING

That's it. that's all I have to say.

THEY PASSED THE CHILD PROTECTION BILL I'M GONNA BE CRYING IN A CORNER IF ANYONE NEEDS ME

All those shadowhunters who ran back to Idris I hope you starve to death there. have fun!

Anjali is so awesome OH MY GOD I LOVE HER ALREADY

Rafael is THAT kid I see...it suits him so well.

It had been two very long years stuck in this small office room. But every time Alec saw the way David giggled when Lexi called her father Jalapeno poppers or some other equally ridiculous name, Alec knew it was worth all the trouble.

THIS OMG I'M NOT OK

Alec wondered if that’s why so many leaders before him had been awful. It was easy to be a bad leader. But it took effort to be a good one.

This is so true...I'm so proud of him...

Dani...bestie THAT IMMORTALITY CRISIS WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME. I know it's gonna happen but I was having a very good day. why do you hurt me in such ways... (I'm pretty sure my family thinks I'm mentally unstable after the way I screamed reading)

“Anjali,” Diego sighed. “What have I told you about doors?”

“Knock them down?”

“I said knock on them!” Diego corrected, shaking his head. “Not knock them down!”

I'm in love.

HUHYUHKSDYKFVYUFVYU ALEC'S CONSUL VOICE I'M SCREAMING

SIMON BESTEST!! HIM SORTING THE STUDENTS INTO THESE GROUPS I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! AND ANJALI BESTIE GOOD LUCK AT BEATING THE SEELIES!! (good luck with stealing the weapons)

well, Rafael do you perhaps have a little crush? (Grammarly ik I'm writing in lowercase stfu)

ok ok I know this is pretty sad but every time someone gives Magnus or Alec the "you haven't talked to him yet?" look I start laughing-

ALEC'S SO CLUELESS ABOUT MAX AND DAVID I CANT-

“So, you are just going to leave me here and go to York then?” Max demanded now; all puppy dog eyes. “Like my mom left me at the academy?”

Yeah. He took the news a little too well.

MAX PLAYING THE ADOPTED CARD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

“Is it because you don’t like me?” Max pouted again. “Like my mom…Who left me all alone.”

“You can’t play the adopted card with me, you lil shit,” Rafael laughed. “I’m adopted too.”

I'M SO IN LOVE LEAVE ME ALONE

AWW MAX SEEING THE INSTITUTE AND IMMEDIATELY GOING "David would love this" ISTG THIS KID I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

“Weren’t you listening to a podcast on Mayan Civilization during breakfast?” Alec raised an eyebrow.

“Bapak said it’s historically accurate!” Rafe argued.

“Bapak is not that old!” Alec countered.

“Maybe he is,” Max said, analyzing the paintings on the walls. “Maybe you don’t know it.”

“Excuse me, I know how old my husband is,” Alec said indignantly.

“Then where are the receipts dad?” Max asked. “Show us the receipts!”

Where are the receipts, Alec? EXACTLY!

THANK GOD SOMEONE ELSE HAS CAUGHT ON TO MAX'S VERY OBVIOUS CRUSH

“I think he likes David,” Rafe whispered.

“Of course he does,” Alec whispered back. Why were they whispering? “David is a sweet boy.”

“No. I think he ‘likes him’ likes him,” Rafael giggled.

Alec looked at his son sharply. “But-He is..Da..They are children!”

“You’ve never heard a childhood crush?” Rafe grinned.

“No, I was too busy…studying,” Alec sniffed.

“That’s not what I heard,” Rafael bit his lip. “I heard you had a thing for boys in motorcycle jackets.”

“Okay that’s it! You are not allowed to hang out at Hotel Dumort anymore,” Alec said.

Really Alec? Studying? REALLY???

MAX AND RAFE RACING TO THE TRAINING ROOM!!!

the reference to the infernal devices...I'M GONNA KILL THE ALREADY DEAD STARKWEATHERS! I'M ABOUT TO DO SOME NECROMANCY SHIT TO BRING THOSE FUCKERS BACK JUST TO KILL THEM SLOWLY

Hugs max it's gonna be ok buddy.

In that moment, Alec remembered all the talks.

He remembered how his mother had lectured Izzy about not going out alone late at night, but she hadn’t said anything to Jace or Alec.

He remembered the way Jem spoken quietly to Mina in soft Mandarin about how people might call her names, but he hadn’t said anything to Kit.

He remembered the way Julian had told Ty to be careful about kissing his boyfriend in public, but he hadn’t said anything to Dru.

I hate this so damn much. I hate it. It sucks how there will always be people who will be targeted for being born the way they are. Whether it be skin color, sexuality, body type, or anything, people will always fucking talk and make the world unsafe for certain people just because they aren't generic male cishets. If you're a girl you're in danger. If you're a POC you're in danger, If you're neurodivergent you're in danger. If you're a member of the LGBTQ community you're in danger. If you're disabled you're in danger. If you're part of any minority you're in danger. If you dare to be different you're in danger. Fuck people. I'm a queer POC female and it's scary. I don't want to be always checking my surroundings when I'm out. I shouldn't have to feel this scared walking out of my own house but I do and it sucks. Ok, I feel like I'm derailing from the main point here.

Sorry for that just got really heated for a second there.

NO NOT THE NIGHTMARE. BABY NO

DAVID MY CHILD!! OMG, HE'S GONNA TAKE UP ARCHERY SOMEONE HOLD ME WHILE I CRY!

“This is who you are,” David said, his voice oddly soft now. Softer than usual. “And you’re beautiful.”

Alec blinked at that.

“Blue,” David said quickly. “I meant you’re blue. Uh, yes.”

BESTIE I SAW WHAT YOU SAID THERE. WE ALL DID

Also, alec sitting outside max's room...IM GONNA-

“David is in there,” Alec whispered. “I just wanted to…check…if everything was okay.”

“Alexander, are you spying on our child?” Magnus demanded. “Without me???”

“What? No! I-”

“Move over!” Magnus sank down next to him. “What are they saying? Are they kissing?”

“WHAT? They are not kissing!” Alec said in alarm. “Wait. Are they???”

He couldn’t hear anything now. Alec panicked.

“I haven’t talk to the kids about kissing yet,” Magnus pointed out. “We can’t talk to Max without talking to Rafael first.”

“Wait. Is Rafael kissing people???”

“Rafael is not kissing people,” Rafael replied as he walked past them to the kitchen. “Also, you guys are shit at whispering.”

Alec rolled his eyes at him and turned to Magnus. “It’s stressful enough that we need to talk about racism in the shadow world. Now we need to talk about kissing??”

“And other stuff,” Magnus chuckled.

Alec groaned into Magnus’ shoulder. “By the angel. Fine. We’ll just tell them there is no kissing. Until they are 30.”

“Hypocrite,” Rafael coughed into his hand as he walked back to the table with a bag of chips.

THIS WHOLE SCENE OH MY GOD.

And srsly alec? 30? really? whips out the extract "kissed" from cassie's website According to my files here-

“And David?”

“Yes, sir?”

“The bedroom door stays open from now on.”

David blinked, his cheeks pink. “I…What?”

“Door stays open,” Alec said, lowering his voice, just a register. “Is that understood?”

AYY ALEC DAD MODE YUCDUHDFHFUHJIUHC THIS IS SO AMAZING IM GONNA SCREAM

Alec advising David with the bow is so close to my heart...IDK WHY IT JUST IS

That conversation...PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK I HOPE HUMANS GO EXTINCT BECAUSE I SURE AM READY TO DIE SO LET'S TAKE THE EARTH DOWN-

“Why don’t shadowhunters have acne?”

"What?" Alec blinked.

“Their skin is like so freaking perfect and smooth and they can just freaking go through puberty without a one freaking pimple and don’t even get me started on the freaking dimples and then-”

Magnus started laughing. Alec felt a little confused.

EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS !!!!! THAT DAMN ANGEL BLOOD

That part about how we normalize these little things which are actually hurtful...I didn't realize that. I guess we really do, huh? This just made me want to be more careful with others and if I feel others do this with me, to stop them and correct them.

I loved this chapter so much. You're such a great writer.

I wanted to share something of my own now!! I FINALLY GOT MY COPY FOR RWARB!!!! I told my parents it was a thriller about how the first son and the prince forge a friendship and discover secrets about the government and the monarchy-

The place I bought it from sent me a very cute bookmark. It's a pride bookmark and it's just my first ever pride merch and I'm close to tears. Let's just say my family isn't the most accepting so this bookmark's really precious to me

Sorry, the quality isn't the best. I was in a hurry. It's almost 4 am now I'm gonna try and sleep (I'm gonna reorganize my bookshelf). See you on Tuesday!!

Thank you so much. I love reading your comments. They are so honest and full of life. You are going to LOVE rwrb. It's such a good book and it's so romantic and raw and perfect. Lmao about your parents. What they don't know can't hurt them ;) And I loooooooooove your bookmark. Be gay. Do crime.

PS -

"It sucks how there will always be people who will be targeted for being born the way they are. Whether it be skin color, sexuality, body type, or anything, people will always fucking talk and make the world unsafe for certain people just because they aren't generic male cishets. If you're a girl you're in danger. If you're a POC you're in danger, If you're neurodivergent you're in danger. If you're a member of the LGBTQ community you're in danger. If you're disabled you're in danger. If you're part of any minority you're in danger. If you dare to be different you're in danger. Fuck people. I'm a queer POC female and it's scary. I don't want to be always checking my surroundings when I'm out. I shouldn't have to feel this scared walking out of my own house but I do and it sucks. Ok, I feel like I'm derailing from the main point here."

THIS IS THE MAIN POINT. YOU GOT IT. SO CONGRATS <3