#it's me and i'm complaining about ment of illness loves
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■KISS ME TILL THE NIGHT IS OVER WHEELER■
Knowing miss perfect wheeler since pree K was no joke. You'd always get notice as her little side kick or even the loyal assistant. This annoyed the hell out of you, "I mean hell I get we've been friends since toddlers but it's, it's just injustice!" I explained to Steve "well maybe if you show people that your, your own personal you'd get a bit more respect."
Yeah! And I understand that it's hard to be under someone's shadow but you gotta break free. Robin's raspy voice chimed in. Steve hummed in agreement before the door bell (rings) "speak of the devil."
A five four frame of a young female girl entered family videos her hair burning like and ember as she staggered into the store. "Y/n" one simple word made my heart stop as I remembered how her voice sounded. "Well see you in a bit, come on. Robs." Steve dragged robbin out of the store and closing the doors behind them now I'm left her alone with her "yes nancy?" I answered sickly sweet.
"I-i just needed a bit of assistance on this project that I've been working on"
"You've been working on?"
I spoke with the most venom I have ever in my life I mean how could she? We'd been working on this for months yet she claims the whole thing to herself! As always she let's out a sigh her sharp jawline tightens "you know what I ment y/n, I'm sorry I'm just used to working alone." I Tapped my nail to the counter before scoffing "we've been working together for oh what, 1 2 3... oh guess what 17 fucking years I turn 18 in the next few days! Which I bet you didn't even know because all, all you fucking do is pay attention to yourself Nancy your such such a fucking ass you don't even realize it because it's all about you!"
Tears bubble up inside my chest as I feel my heart shatter into tiny little peaces. I could feel body shiver under her soft gaze she pulled me into a warm embrace, the silky cloth and the new spray of perfume where enough to let me fall into my bestfrinds arms.
"And the worst thing is..."
I sniffled and sobbed. "I-im in love with you wheeler, and I know your my bestfrind I just i-" her tight gripped "sh, it's okay y/n calm down ill take you back to my place and then we can talk."
...
My mind was running like a race car track as she covered me up from the rain as she pulls me into the back of her car and telling me to get rest as she got out and stepped to the front. The car ride was long yet peace full as of the time was now 1:00 in the morning. The sky pitch black while the street light brighed up the walk ways.
"Where are we?" I questioned looking at the huge unfamiliar house "my house ofcourse." Her voice held a bit of amusement as she helped me out the car.
And we ran inside from the rain.
"I'm dripping wet" I complain as I held the him of my shirt "yes, I am too y/n why don't we take a shower and dry ourselves?" I nod. "A shower sounds nice." I say with a thoughtful expression. "Take off your shoes, I'll put them on the drying rack." I nod slipping off my vans and handing them to Nancy. She closed her curtains before urging me to follow her.
...
The blush on my cheeks where unbearable as I looked to Nancy "d-do we have to take a shower together? I-I mean I literally told you that I have some creepy lesbain crush on you!" I shouted as the girl took off her silky shirt unbutton and unzipped her pants that reviled a matching set of pink laced underwear and a bra. And oh my gosh are those abs? Oh my god...
"I-i Nancy!" I pouted as the girl continued first the bra and then "oh!" ... "oh~"
My body pressed against the counter of the sink as she pushed her tongue to my mouth "Mm" I moaned at the soft lips that where nezzeled deep within mine. The sudden pop and release of my pink lips where unbearable I just needed more "nancy?" My voice was small, small enough that you couldn't hear it but somehow she did "yes?" Her hands grooped my breast robbing them of there innocents "oh god" Nancy hummed as she kissed down my neck "I'm not God, but I can sure make you see him."
She nipped the lower layer of my neck finding that one sweet spot "oh fuck..."
I moaned throwing my head back allowing my child hood bestfrind more accessible skin. Her hands crawled to the bottom of my shirt lifting the cloth up and over my head continuing her journey down to memory lane.
"Oh my fuck!" I gripped onto the sink as her teeth fount my harden nipple sucking onto the ungrateful pulse that lays under the flesh. "N-nancy we should get into the shower!" I yelped as she pulled down my panties. "Your right puppy, now give mommy some kisses before." I moaned out a whine as I kisses her lips once more. "Goodgirl " that word rings throughout your head as you trotted over to the shower stepping in.
"Oh please" color faded from your vision as you seen the long strap on dildo held up in nancys hand.
"Please..." you plea again "I-I won't be able to survive that Please!"
Nancys once blue eyes where crumpled into a deep black hole. "Thats the point"
...
"I-is it gonna fit?" I looked down at the strap on as the overly strong girl held me up just by my hips. "It will...eventually" the slick silicone dick entered me a gasp filled my lips as the pain of the stretch was unbearable "oh!" Nancy pounds a small part of the dick into my sopping wet area.
The feeling of my spongy insides being hammered in was amazing.
The whines and the groans where enough to set Nancy off her self as she plugged deeper into your core. Screaming and kicking the pleasure to much to handle "n-nancy! Ah ah" I moaned into her ear groaning and quivering as my body fought back "w-what?" I moaned once more throwing my head back as my body released its own toxin. "F-fuck ahh...mhmm n-nancy please."
"Please what?"
"Kiss me till the the night is over wheeler."
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Hello I'm lateeeee, but I arrived
I would rather see Ateez, but well... not sure about The Rose, because someone I don't wanna see is seeing them as well aidyaygsgshshsb
Please give me the avocado tour. Baek you don't want your fanfiction moment inside the avocado? 👀
American and Korean fans are really shameless, like... fucking calm down. Omfg that person complaining about ments gor ratioed so hard, deserved, I've seen their weird tweets before. They're friends with weirdos as well. Don't go to multiple stops if you're bored of them talk??? Btw Ateez were going to Japan and I can't believe fansites showed up at 7am ON A SATURDAY to snap some photos???
Stop the step-siblings, it's not THAT kind of story 😭🤚���� do you know Romantic Killer? It came out recently, I remember reading the manga, but it started to bore/annoy me. I just can't remember why aisgjahshshshss but maybe I'll check out the anime. The reviews are mixed
Omggg you're right Tasir is giving Seojun? Maybe that's why I love him 👁👁 I hope he doesn't turn out bad or something cause I'm gonna kms... but what can I say, I love men with earrings lmaooo. But most of the harem guys are sus... Hold onnnn?!
Literally the WC is either "nothing's going on" or "too much is going on" I don't have a horse in this race, so I'm just gonna chill, whoever wins wins, but it would be funny if someone unpredicted won. Brazil lmao😬
I haven't watched the last 2 seasons of TVD, I just saw the ending and read the spoilers, was glad I didn't waste my time on it. It wasn't unhinged like PLL, but just... not it
Like I said, SM is doing well with their solo releases, but I gave up on their groups long time ago, minus Shinee and GG obviously. To think I used to be an SM girl yeeeears ago 💀 I also think JYPE is doing weird shit with NMIXX (and Jinni left?!) and wasting their talent, also making Itzy so mild, whyyyyy 💔
Bestie what can AUS offer... better weather shuaushsjahsha and more interesting animals (she's a zoologist). My friend used to live in Quebec, Montreal and Halifax (briefly)
Someone needs to make Yunjin a third Jung sister in a fanfiction or something. Jessica's boyfriend is weird in many ways 💀
I remember Lewis and Nicole, they were such a hot topic and together for such a loooong time!
Sometimes I feel bad about my cooking skills, but then I remember kpop idols exist
I don't know if I'm gonna try for MuBank tbh, we'll see... why Paris tho. There's MIK festival in Paris too, gotta start hating the Frenchies again
Ohhhhh the Yeohui description fits you I think!
I really liked San's blonde Wave era hair, his recent blonde a bit less tho. Also Wave Hwa <3
No this isn't MY guy, but why is he in Bridgerton all of the sudden? Uber driving on horses?
Lil farmer and a grandma 😭 ok I'm not about cottagecore life however I'm into soft Hwa, therefore I'm thinking of a baker/knitter/farmer Seonghwa very intensely right now... imagine meeting him and he's a self-sustaining king who can make scarf for you and bring you his food ☺
I got magical warrior, now that result pleases me <3333 - DV 💖
hi hello!!
I would rather see Ateez, but well... not sure about The Rose, because someone I don't wanna see is seeing them as well aidyaygsgshshsb
NAURRRRRR THE PERSON SEEING EVERYONE UR SEEING 😭😭WHAT IS THIS god rly said ur missed out and imma make sure u KNOW you did 😭😭
Please give me the avocado tour. Baek you don't want your fanfiction moment inside the avocado? 👀
unfortunately the avocado is totally submerged in wet snow atm gimme 2 weeks and ill get a whole video fhwjd,, AND 🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️
American and Korean fans are really shameless, like... fucking calm down. Omfg that person complaining about ments gor ratioed so hard, deserved, I've seen their weird tweets before. They're friends with weirdos as well. Don't go to multiple stops if you're bored of them talk??? Btw Ateez were going to Japan and I can't believe fansites showed up at 7am ON A SATURDAY to snap some photos???
no seriously ik some ppl are justifying it but like americans and krs complain when others come to their country for a shoW but WHEN THEY CAN WE CANT SAY NOTHING 😭😭 yeah i mean wouldn’t u want ur fav artists to interact with u ???? 😭😭 they gotta breathe too one in a while pls fbwndb NO SERIOUSLY JUST DONT GO THEN?? SORRY ON A SATURDAY??? AT 7??? in this cold, going outside ur blanket is dangerous them dressing up holding their megatron’s in one way, respect but the other way what the fuck mate 😭😭😭😭
Stop the step-siblings, it's not THAT kind of story 😭🤚🏻 do you know Romantic Killer? It came out recently, I remember reading the manga, but it started to bore/annoy me. I just can't remember why aisgjahshshshss but maybe I'll check out the anime. The reviews are mixed
LMFAOOOO I WAS LIKE HELLO??? ANON?? WE GOOD OUT THERE?? YES I WATCHED IT ACTUALLY! did not read the manga bc some said it wasn’t that good dbdbdb,, the anime is good!! its kinda cheesy but then again its a cute romcom and serious when it needs to be, nice lil shoujo!
Omggg you're right Tasir is giving Seojun? Maybe that's why I love him 👁👁 I hope he doesn't turn out bad or something cause I'm gonna kms... but what can I say, I love men with earrings lmaooo. But most of the harem guys are sus... Hold onnnn?!
RIGHT IS HE NOT!! i hope he isn’t the betrayer bc id be so heartbroken, but latil seems like she’s into bad boys/villain’s, maybe we’ll still see it fbfb “i love men with earrings” BRWNDJSK WE CAN TELL THE MAIN EVIDENCE IS PSH
Literally the WC is either "nothing's going on" or "too much is going on" I don't have a horse in this race, so I'm just gonna chill, whoever wins wins, but it would be funny if someone unpredicted won. Brazil lmao😬
no bc WHAT HAPPENED 😭😭😭 the saddest losses were portugal and brazil’s (the amount of fouls in this was crazy how did the ref not check croatia 😭😭) right! whoever wins, wins in the end it was a nice run, pretty legendary games this wc <3 STOP DONT EVEN ABT BRAZIL BC I ACTUALLY WAS CRYING WHILE SOING THEIR CELEBRATION DANCE 😭😭😭😭 ITS THE COACHS FAULT and the ref was terrible 🔫🔫🤚🏼 sad bc i wont get to see richarlison play more games, i am a dedicated richarlison girl 🫡 🫡 but he’s wild pls dbdb
I haven't watched the last 2 seasons of TVD, I just saw the ending and read the spoilers, was glad I didn't waste my time on it. It wasn't unhinged like PLL, but just... not it
Like I said, SM is doing well with their solo releases, but I gave up on their groups long time ago, minus Shinee and GG obviously. To think I used to be an SM girl yeeeears ago 💀 I also think JYPE is doing weird shit with NMIXX (and Jinni left?!) and wasting their talent, also making Itzy so mild, whyyyyy 💔
JDVWK I RELATE TO THAT used to be a whole sm girlie while back but after the quality decrease i am hanging on loose threads bc i need that exo cb 😭😭 NO BC WHAT IS JYP ONN!!! they understand trends later on and they do it terribly,, no bc jinni left and she also trained the longest?? what is going on,, itzy man jyp’s setting them up badly
Bestie what can AUS offer... better weather shuaushsjahsha and more interesting animals (she's a zoologist). My friend used to live in Quebec, Montreal and Halifax (briefly)
LMFAOOOO HEY HEY HEY THEY ALSO OFFER HEAT WAVES AND CRAZY WILD NEVER SEEN BEFORE ANIMALS 😭😭😭 oh bestie lived in racist town fbwndb <//3 glad she moved then 😭😭 but she must’ve had lots of fun in montreal their parties go wild! A ZOOLOGIST??? that is such a cool job omg omg
Someone needs to make Yunjin a third Jung sister in a fanfiction or something. Jessica's boyfriend is weird in many ways 💀
YOURE RIGHT !!!!! if she joined sm she would’ve been in the jung ‘vampire’ group,, no bc that man held back playback they could’ve been big! but NO MF 😭😭
I remember Lewis and Nicole, they were such a hot topic and together for such a loooong time! //// Sometimes I feel bad about my cooking skills, but then I remember kpop idols exist
no bc they did look good together 👀 LMFAOOOO YOURE RIGHT 😭😭😭
I don't know if I'm gonna try for MuBank tbh, we'll see... why Paris tho. There's MIK festival in Paris too, gotta start hating the Frenchies again
paris bc model hwa is waiting for u 🫡 FBWMDBKW START HATING THEMBFNWBD will be visiting paris sometime im gonna need u to rec some bomb itinerary 🔫
Ohhhhh the Yeohui description fits you I think! /// I really liked San's blonde Wave era hair, his recent blonde a bit less tho. Also Wave Hwa <3
oh does it??
right! his wave era hair was amazing, the colour choice fit him so well, and wave hwa no bECAUSE WE NEED THEM TO TWIN DIRTY BLOND HAIR AGAIN
No this isn't MY guy, but why is he in Bridgerton all of the sudden? Uber driving on horses?
YOU SURE MATE??? your uber went back in time! i heard he offers horse rides as a way of transportation! this entire thread is for ur beloved <3
Lil farmer and a grandma 😭 ok I'm not about cottagecore life however I'm into soft Hwa, therefore I'm thinking of a baker/knitter/farmer Seonghwa very intensely right now... imagine meeting him and he's a self-sustaining king who can make scarf for you and bring you his food ☺
LMFAOOOO STOP IT ITS HWALMEONI ERAA LESGOOO 😭😭😭 hwa cottage core omg, ur right, cafe, baker, artist, farmer, poet everything omg— but would u rather chose cottage core hwa or dark academia hwa
I got magical warrior, now that result pleases me <3333 - DV 💖
hello miss magical warrior, i am the dark haired aloof fbwmdb
this one is very important bc it determines if ur a true brit or not
AND HE???? 🤨🤨
also eden’s marriage! his wife is so pretty omg 😭😭
AND DBDNDB
also new tenelkadjowrites fic 👀
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This is by no means a vent post or anything I just need to discuss topics and ideas.
It’s so bizarre how, for most of my life, I did have psychotic tendencies and explicitly schizophrenic symptoms. I would get disoriented on a school bus and want to make a big show of it; storm up to the bus driver in a fit of rage and demand to know where I was being taken. I would ask incoherent, nonsense questions in class that would get me a resounding look of “what the fuck are you talking about”. Friends in particular would always take the time to step in and allow me to re-phrase what I was asking because they would learn to understand sometimes information is jumbled in my head, which I am not aware of.
It happens on here too, though I’ve gotten better at it. What begins as a cohesive argument in my mind eventually spirals into a whirlpool of me repeating the same three things, the same three points, the same three everything while pretending it’s something different. Because I have voices in my head that take over and make it hard to focus. I thought everyone heard voices, because how else do you process information? But for other people, it’s not voices. Not ones they can hear, at least.
The only thing that ever stopped me was, incredibly, what I think my paranoia was. I was too afraid of making a scene because I thought, assuredly, they’d always tell me they were going to kill me. I would stand up to assert myself only to get pulled back down in my own head with “if you cause problems, you will die”. I thought that was survival instinct. I prided myself, in fact, on my survival instincts because of things like that. Because I believed every person who utilized and prided their autonomy was doomed to die for their arrogance. How can you exist so unabashedly in life when you know death is something you cannot hide from and cannot know the origin of? Standing up for yourself is putting yourself in harms way; the lines between “what is paranoia” and “what is formative child abuse” are too blurred for me to even care “which one it is” because they’re both the same.
It’s just knowing I was so schizophrenic. Knowing I was so blatantly delusional; I’d get called delusional all the time because I wasn’t living in reality. My original self was already forced to be so separated from its body because of infant-aged trauma when I felt “normal” it already wasn’t me. Every time I’d stabilize myself in a deeper level of my own psychosis I’d get punched down through another one, like a personal version of Dante’s Inferno.
Of course I developed a dissociative disorder. How else was my psyche supposed to survive losing family members who cared about me, how else was it supposed to survive losing everything. The personality I shifted into to appease my conditions were never good enough; they never protected me enough. It’s so fucked up my brain already had to put me in another reality to cope with not receiving basic physiological needs as an infant and then had to shatter and reform reality after reality because anything was better than living in real life but nothing protected me enough, nothing justified anything enough, nothing could make me feel like I was living how I was meant to.
And then I wonder why I got so deep in it. I wonder why that’s all I knew. It was. Living in delusion was the only thing that kept me from being suicidal, because it made me believe something grand was meant for me at the end of it all. I only broke down because, after everything, after five years of eviction and homelessness, there was still only despair ahead. Now I’m 26. an entire high school education away from 30 but abysmally depressed I had to spend all this time helping myself, and continue to, in the vain hope one thing would ever happen to me to make life worth it.
All I needed was to be pushed into reality, to be shown and taught nothing happened to me in some grand plan. All I needed was a therapist who would listen for long enough in my Anime Tragic Backstory to tell me, “Hey man, that was fucked up, but it’s not like you have to forgive them. You don’t have to be tortured by anything. You can leave other people; you can leave them too.” But therapists are no longer trained to listen to trauma and try to work out anything formative that could have happened to someone. I didn’t know I was schizophrenic. Nobody cared enough to tell me I was unless it was through the “well...you have The Disorder. we have to keep you to make sure your SCARY PSYCHOTIC EPISODE--you’ve seen American Psycho, right?--doesn’t make you do that to yourself or someone else.” lens of “take this medicine and it’ll fix something you don’t think is a problem, because psychosis deludes the brain into thinking it isn’t delusional”.
And there was nothing anyone could have done; my untreated schizophrenia prevented me from being able to work. My delusions would go unchecked, people wouldn’t know I was stretching the truth and neither did I. Through the lens of insanity I doomed coworkers to bitter rivals, others to beloved friends, and still others to unworthy of my respect with nothing in between. My life was a grand path to luxury and respect from the bottom of the earth; who wouldn’t be adored to know me?
I would tell people time and time again I was schizophrenic, I was psychotic, I experienced delusions. I was cast as “the good outcome” of a psychotic condition and my experiences, the only true part of my life, were chalked up to “well there Luke goes with his silly little rants again”. I was abandoned to spiral because I was “okay”; I didn’t experience delusions where I thought I was God (anything remotely attached to that was different, I said it was different), my psychosis never drew me to suicide. Everyone else who claimed they were schizophrenic were automatically compared to me and regarded as “good” or “bad” with no regard to what was swimming around in my brain. If I didn’t have a god complex before (I did, but I said I didn’t, so there’s no blame here), I certainly developed one then.
But I knew I wasn’t someone to be compared to, because I did experience delusions where I thought not that I was God but some higher being, I was drawn to suicide at the drop of a hat. But then I couldn’t admit to those things being so much deeper than they were, because everyone else who experienced these things were “bad” schizophrenics. I was supposed to have this together; I knew I had no right to judge people with my same condition because I knew I was no better than them. If I had a best friend I’d known all my life, I would probably go to them with my ever-wavering mental condition too. That’s what I craved; the ability to tell someone about what was happening to me.
And it’s not like I ever thought I was entitled to people, you know, listening. I never expected anyone to look me in the eyes and tell me “Hey buddy you know you don’t really seem in reality” because if someone said that to me I’d probably freak out and doom them to “Bitter Rival Plus” for the rest of my life. It was the attitude that I was redeemable because of how well I handled everything, the way I never let my symptoms show, the way a one-time freakout seemed more preferable to everyone else but me because “at least he only got that bad once”, as opposed to the risk of smaller breakdowns more often. I lost my ability to realize I had control over myself because the admittedly bad symptoms everyone else experienced, which I did too, never were offered support. I was told a story of a mutual once-friend who threw herself off a roof in the midst of a schizophrenic breakdown. The pitilessness of it all told me I would never find sympathy in admitting my faults.
It’s hard because if it were depression, if it had been depression, this would have been solved eons ago. Anyone can go to a friend and talk through a depression; nobody can go to a friend and talk through a psychotic episode without your companion growing frustrated as you’re unable to grasp reality. Once is fine, twice is annoying, thrice is overwhelming. I can feel it just as anyone. Nobody wants to talk to crazy people.
And what do people think that does, exactly? Do you think your delusional friend can really have a talk once, be told they’re psychotic, and immediately know? How do we have thousands of articles dissecting every aspect of anxiety, from work to generalized, but none to tell the everyman that “psychotic people suffer from a condition that prevents them from differentiating reality from fantasy”. or, we do tell people, but it still follows the same rules of once is fine, twice is annoying, thrice is overwhelming. Depression is a mental condition that causes extended states of misery. Anxiety is a mental condition that causes extended states of stress. Psychosis is a mental condition that causes extended states of, well, delusion. Someone who wakes up already delusional is not going to be able to tell you “when it started”; everything has always felt this way. Now that they can see clearly, because they feel energized (because they are delusional), “nothing is wrong” and they are left to spiral into whatever rabbit hole they fall into.
If we know it’s harmful to tell people with depression and anxiety to “get over it”, why are psychotic people different? Why is it so hard to go into a relationship and be told, explicitly, “I have a psychotic condition”, and follow through as you would anyone else?
“Because psychosis is different.” No further context needed.
#hi guess who it is#it's me and i'm complaining about ment of illness loves#not mine just in general#you know. my lifetime topic of psychosis.
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me: yeah i'm just gonna wipe down this new thing i bought with a cleaning wipe
my mom: did :) you :) read the :) article i sent you? :) coronavirus :) doesn't survive :) on surfaces :)
#and then she turns around and says shit like ''is ocd REALLY a ~mental illness~'' ma'am-#i s2g after years of me having this dx she still acts like obsessions run on any kind of reason or logic#i don't want to be doing this either!!! i know it's inane as hell!!!#i keep trying to explain this stuff to her and she STILL acts like condescendingly explaining how germs work to me will like. make me stop#yeah avoiding germs of all kinds will be detrimental to my immune system and petting my cat in sets of 3 won't keep her from dying. i know.#she always gives me this fucking Look#like i was checking the packaging of this new headband i bought to see if jt was machine washable#and she gives me a look like i'm being ridiculous and in this exasperated tone she often uses was like#''you don't have to wash it it's a headband''#other headbands in the section said they were machine washable! you always wash clothes before wearing them! why would this be different!#she loves saying shit to me without having done ANY research and then complains about how she doesn't feel well enough informed.#1) ur an adult w access to the internet. it's on u. 2) UR A LIBRARIAN#whatever. whatever it's fine#my parents keep pointing out nd traits and using them as reasoning for why i'm not ready to move out#like. some of them do actually make things harder. but they wouldn't if i were living with people who didn't see them as a#personal slight or inconvenience. please let me live with people who know about neurodivergence lmao#finielspeaks#negative#just in case lol#covid ment#ask to tag
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