#it's like the twitch/tiktok debacle all over again it's SO embarrassing to feel this way | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sillimancer · 5 days ago

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talked to my therapist today a little bit about how I'm having mixed feelings about starting a blog again because I got a couple bluesky notifications on posts and it made me happy and motivated me to write some blog post notes and I agreed with their comment that, Given The Circumstances, it's probably not cringe under any circumstances to find things that bring me joy and want to keep being alive, but I also feel like we breezed a little too quickly past my issue with realizing that I haven't been writing for all these years because I felt like I had nothing to say, but it turns out I actually have a lot of things to say, it's just really disheartening and exhausting to say things and have nobody hear you, and bluesky has been the first time in a long time where I felt like maybe potentially people wanted to hear what I have to say

to be fair to my therapist this was like the last two minutes of session

#my diary #they also made the incredibly fair point that a huge element of creation is communication #and obviously the idea of saying something at all is to be heard so of course I would want that #and idk man I've felt this way since long before the days of social media!!#the writing projects I've historically been most passionate about were the projects people were reading #and I know it's bad form as a creative person to admit that but like. yeah I'm posting things online because I want the attention #it's like the twitch/tiktok debacle all over again it's SO embarrassing to feel this way #to want something that is not necessarily socially unacceptable but definitely is kinda cheugy #and I feel the need to hedge and justify it like I don't wanna be famous for the sake of being famous #I don't even really want to be famous #I just want to be *noticed*#noticed and heard by people with curiosity or interest in the parts of myself that I put out there #I hate that that's cheugy I hate that it's cringe!!!!!!!!!!!!#I just wanna make stuff and show it to people who like it why does that feel so wrong!!!!!!#anyway um. I'm gonna try to force myself to blog again I think #as a 2025 new years resolution I think it would be good for me #I'm journaling again which has also been good for me (and a good warmup to writing regularly again)

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