#it's like it skips my conscious brain and screeches right into panic no matter how hard i mentally try to calm it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

andromeda3116 · 1 year ago

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look, there are definitely aspects of adhd that are useful, or at least fun (tell me that getting into a hyperfocus groove - no matter how ultimately rough the "waking up from it and realizing that seven hours have passed and it's 3AM" part may be - isn't enjoyable at the time), but most of it just sucks and listen

the "rejection sensitivity dysphoria" part might be the worst

#it's definitely the most embarrassing #like i cannot take it when people don't like me and say bad things to me and so i structure most of my personality to arrange things #so people don't hurt me #and when they do hurt me i react like a kicked puppy and that just makes everything worse #i mean. jesus. i want to tell myself ''act like a fucking adult and take the fucking hit'' but my body reacts on its own #it's like it skips my conscious brain and screeches right into panic no matter how hard i mentally try to calm it #like i'm not actually irrational! my higher-level thinking is being *very* rational! it's the stuff underneath that's freaking tf out!#i know the ''it's not me it's my shit brain'' thing is a weak excuse but like. i am actively TRYING not to react this way #i am actively TRYING to calm that part of me and measure my reactions #but the body-level panic and the deep-rooted irrational childish sense of ''they all hate me now they think i'm crazy''#grips me by the throat #it's beneath my conscious thought and refuses to be constrained by it #i am not actually thinking - in so many words - ''they all hate me now''#my gut is just feeling it and tying itself into knots around my nerves and i am trying to calm it down but nothing seems to work #...*sigh*#add this post and these tags to the list of ''things to discuss with my therapist''

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