#it's just weird to assume that everyone who doesn't feel romantic attraction is asexual right of the bat

[remedialchaoticscreaming]

first time being called aroace. yay. this feels like an alloaro right of passage

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I wonder if any other aspec has the same thoughts of me - basically, seeing a label, seeing that it fits with their experiences, but also being apprehensive to use it; because it fits but it still feels alien to use or possibly their simply scared to use it. Like me.

So for some background, I am in my late twenties (cis woman, she/her) and discovered that I was asexual in my mid twenties, and then discovered that I also was on the aromantic spectrum too a like two years ago. *For the most part I know my identity - Greyaro ace with sensual/aesthetic/alterous attraction and a desire for a QPR. And these labels fit me very well so I am comfortable with those. The reason I discovered this revelation so late was because at 16 I had a crush on a girl and since that queer experience I have gone back and forth on what labels I am. At the time my knowledge of orientations were limited to gay, straight, and bisexual. So, bc I also liked boys, I went back and forth on being bi or being straight to just (once the crush passed) seeing it as a 'fluke' and continuing to think I was straight. Teen Me: Well I don't want to have sex with her so clearly whatever these feelings are, are just confusion.

(And of course because of heteroallonormativity I never once questioned if I wanted to have sex with boys (I didn't it didn't even cross my mind) I just assumed I did. Mind you I don't have ANY romance/sexual experience so a lot of my thoughts are hypothetical at that time and couldn't be tested out. By couldn't I mean no on in my school wanted to touch me with a ten foot pool so ya know it wasn't gonna happen lol)

But even after leaving high school the crush always was at the back of my mind and I kept searching until I found my answer, which took a literal decade but I got there! It was even harder when I barely had crushes as I got older. I experimented with labels, i.e I went by aroflux for a bit but that never sounded right in my mouth; I thought I was demisexual but that wasn't correct. So labels do help me and I do view them as important while also believing that I don't need to use EVERY label and or going unlabeled is an option. However, because I'm greyaro I still feel romantic attraction and due to that I feel like I need another label (if I choose to communicate it out loud - still not out yet due to circumstance) to explain who my romantic attraction is directed toward when it happens.

This is where the *For the most part comes in; I'm not sure if I'm scared/nervous to use bi with my identity because then I have truly let go of me being straight in any form. And yes I know this is a biphobic mentality and not even really true because I can be in a straight relationship (looking wise) and still not be straight. And maybe I'm so nervous to use that word because when I first thought I was bi, as a teenager, it freaked me out and that freak out still has carried over with me today. Yea being ace isn't straight but since it has no attraction direction its like a hazy 'im not hetero' while bi is a clear 'im not hetero' and it makes me feel more exposed? Not sure that made sense. I don't want to feel or think this way either.

I use other labels to show my fluidity with attraction. One being fluid, I like that but in conversation I would still have to explain more because not everyone understands what fluid means. Two being queer but I do also feel alien using that too. And its weird that I even consider using queer as a label but am scared of using bi, like??? That doesn't make sense, queer or bi still isn't straight so I should be fine with using bi. I also thought that using panromantic could work however the bi definition fits me more than the pan one does.

Since I have no one to talk to about this I think a lot about it from time to time and I do be questioning everything.

And I'm sharing because maybe other aspecs had the exact same experience and I just wanna see if I'm solely alone in this.

One thing that can help with this is to try and surround yourself with more queer people and media, and that can really help normalize these identities and feel the stigma of them less. Whatever you're comfortable with, whether it's following people on social media or checking out your local lgbtq+ chapter and seeing if they have any events, all of it can make a difference.

I'll throw this out to followers, has anyone else had similar experiences that they feel comfortable talking about?