#it's just the super-online 'everyone is wrong but me' takes that leave me reeling

[famewolf]

I'm gonna be a little quiet on here until after I start playing Dragon Age. I don't want to be spoiled and the urge to click on posts that have DA tags blacklisted is mounting. And just like with Inquisition, I want to go in totally blind.

[ristiyantihayu]

The moment I step into the family, I was blamed for being "the only child in the family." I heard clearly that they labelled me as a spoiled girl, incapable for doing chores, never touch the kitchen thingy. All without me knowing, or at least they thought I dont know the badmouth.

The elders (might) worried that I couldn't take care the husband and (future) kids well. The way they devote themselves as a housewife. The way they define "woman" using their own perspectives.

I really try to prove them wrong. I showed my will to prepare own baby food, paying attention to all nutrition. I clean their plates (even tho I really HATE this). But none are appreciated. Instead, the eyes were screaming: "whats so special? We're also doing it all back in the days?"

But did you deal everything with a thesis defense right on postpartum period? Did you face a constant struggling of attending online lecture while breastfeeding the baby? Waking up every 2 hours to a crying baby and back to school paperwork directly?

My point is, we have our own conditions. We live in a super distinct generation & environment. Why dont we just leave a negative judgement and understand the bigger picture? Or you guys are simply incapable of doing so?

Another day, the bad stereotype is growing.

I banned my kid from any overly sweet & salted snacks before they reach 2. Simply because me & husband live under diabetic family tree. Father-in-law even suffer from kidney failure resulting from a high sugar blood.

But those family trying (again) to test my patience by giving her chocolate and such. I WAS MAD. And this topic was (again) serving as an interesting mock in the family table in the same circumstances: all behind my back or at least they dont aware that I know the talk.

Today, my kid having a tantrum because she's super sleepy (skipping nap) at the very first place and refuse to go home because she saw some interesting play. I talk to her that it's already nighty night. But yea sleepy kid is ofc serving a controlled emotion. Thus she snap back on my suggestion and crying like crazy.

At home, when she's out of control, I'll put her in a secluded space, letting her finish the anger first and talk kindly after. The process is tough because sometimes people cant handle the screaming. Me—after surfing all those parenting books & reels—is super prepared. Things will okay basicly after around 3 to 5 minutes. Kid is calming herself and ready to talk.

But this time, THE WHOLE FAMILY IS OFFERING HAND and stare me with "wth your kid is crying just give them what she wants?" I keep telling them to: "it's okay just lemme handle this by myself and let her release the emotion. She'll be fine. Pls be patience." But being a super nosy elders they are, none of my words were taken. They keep "oow come here with grandma/whoever it is" as if trying to rescue my kid from my lap.

I really wish I could utter some bad words.

Of course my kid sensing a help, she screams louder. And the scream & rescue cycle could never break. In the end, it was me who was pressured to "fulfill what the kid wants."

I'm super mad. This way, she'll never stop crying madly whenever she wants something. And I have to TEACH THE EMOTION CONTROL ALL THE WAY FROM ZERO AGAIN. I decide to leave the house, sitting in the yard corner and refuse to interact with everyone. I couldn't stand longer in this.

All my head was filled with "ah, another moment to bring me down with badmouth." Another values that doesnt fit the family and me being the one to blame.

The tought also travelled to what if I just divorce, the way I dont escalate the mental pain anymore. What will happen to the kid if the parent go separated way. Giving letter to the in-laws which basicly said "please find another perfect wife for your son because I couldnt handle your behavior anymore. Maybe someone from a village, which could be easily value-driven."

The worst part is I even thinking about the suicide. But at this time, I believe that I'd better be here to protect my kid.

I really hate the badmouth tradition in this family. Everytime the siblings sat together during Raya or end-year holiday, there will be someone to mock. Be it an in-laws (1. X only come here to eat but she never do the dishes; 2. Y is a wife of a rich uncle, but she still keep and using old equipments in the house. What a stingy girl; 3. Z is soo out of control; 4. K is sooo sensitive.) or other people from a wider family tree. I hate it. Like, does it benefit you? Does talking behind people will make them change the behavior and follow your path voluntarily?

I could never understand. And please advice me how to get away from this circle.

[profoundnet]

Thank you to all these amazing people for participating in the Profound Bond’s Halloween Exchange 2018! I hope everyone enjoyed their amazing gifts. Massive thanks as well to the wonderful @foxymoley for the banner, who never fails us with her brilliant art. 

Apologies for the slightly (very) late masterpost, but please enjoy all the amazing creations below the cut! 

If you’d like to join the gift exchange, then head on over and join our discord! Information can be found on the wiki which you can access here.

 Let Me Live that Fantasy by @profound-boning for justann

"Let's get sexy," Cas mutters against his lips.

Explicit Rating

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, AU - Angels are known, Angel Castiel, PWP, Smut, Fluff, Medical Kink, Doctor Sexy Costume, Wing Kink 

Shitty Timing and Slutty Cops  by @lunavva for profound-boning

“There’s literally nothing here, man,” Dean says, running his hand down his face. “We’re doomed. I’m fired.”

“Not yet," Cas tells him.

Dean snorts. “You’re right,” he says. “I have three hours and then I’m fired.”

No Rating

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Fluff, Teenage Destiel

The Samhain Trials by @jemariel for TobytheWise

On Samhain night, the veil is thin, not only between the spirit world and our own, but between humankind and their inner natures.

Every year, the hunt is run. Alphas and omegas brave the woods in search of glory and passion. Every year, Dean Winchester comes out alone. The soulbrand on his neck means that he has a True Mate, and what should be a blessing has only been a curse.

He hopes, and he waits, and this year his soulbrand has been itching as if it were newly risen.

It's nearly sundown.

Explicit Rating

Tags: AU - Soulmates, AU - A/B/O, True Mates, Alpha Castiel, Omega Dean, Mating Bond, First Time, Smut

Zom-bee Mine  by a_dusky_gold for Nox-lee

Gabriel's careless gift becomes the promise of a lifetime.

No Rating

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Teenage Destiel, Friends to Lovers, Reunions, Foster Care, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort

Cuffs and Coffee Cups by @wargurl83 for alessariel

Dean’s a barista at The Java Break in Lawrence. Castiel is an FBI agent sent undercover to KU to track down a drug ring that’s sending kids to the hospital. He tracks the dealer to The Java Break where he meets Dean and starts to fall for him. But Dean has secrets that he has to keep from Castiel. Will they be able to meet in the middle?

Explicit Rating 

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Barista Dean, FBI Agent Castiel

Of Dragons and Princesses  by @elizasugarcane for haikuhamster

“I don’t wanna go-oo-ooooh!”, Claire wailed at the top of her lungs. It seemed like no matter what he said, Cas just couldn’t convince her, that she would be fine but that they really needed to leave the car and enter the hospital they had been sitting in front of for about 10 minutes now.

General Rating

Tags: Doctor Dean, Single Parent Castiel 

A Halloween Treat by @deadlykittenkaywriting for tfw_cas

It's the annual Halloween party at the Roadhouse and there's a special little treat for everyone that's invited. Also, did you hear what Batman did to Superman?

Teen Rating

Tags: Halloween Costumes, Mutual Pining, First Kiss

Never Play with Things which should Stay Lifeless  by @justann42 for starmouse123

Castiel is a warlock and had a new potion which he wanted to try.

Is this really a good idea?

General Rating

Tags: AU - Urban Fantasy, Fluff and Angst, Crack

Hard to believe by @surlybobbies for binJLG

He was suddenly giddy with the memory of last night, of the risk he took and the reward he received. Warmth suffused him when he remembered the way Cas’s hands had shaken when he raised them to Dean’s cheeks, the awe on Cas’s face that he was allowed to lean in and -

Dean didn’t bother changing; he walked out into the hallway and into the kitchen in faded boxers and the shirt from last night.

And waiting there, watching the percolator drip coffee into the carafe?

“Cas.” It was the first thing he’d said that day, and it felt right.

General Rating

Tags: Canon Universe, Established Relationship, Domestic Fluff

Reel Drag  by @haikuhamster for neonbat

It’d been three days since Dean had eaten. Every time he thought it was safe to leave the cave and hunt, though, the monster would make its presence known once more and remind him that certain death awaited him if he left.

Here in his own head, he could admit that he was terrified.

Explicit Rating

Tags: Creature Fic, Creature Castiel, Zombie Werepire, Bottom Dean, PWP, Wing Kink, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Dubious Consent

Holloween by binJGL for loveinghybrid

Dean spirals into a deep depression after casting Michael out and ends up isolating himself. But Castiel WILL NOT let him spend his favorite holiday alone.

Mature Rating

Tags: Canon Divergence, Depressed Dean Winchester, Mental Illness, Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Thoughts/Ideation, First Kiss

A Halloween to Remember by @loveinghybrid for lunavva

Dean and Castiel have been friends for years. Although they have been through many Halloweens together, this one was one they both would never forget.

No Rating

Tags: Best Friends, Mutual Pining

Aren’t You a Peach by @supernatural9917fic for surlybobbies

Totally platonic (*cough*) best friends and roommates Dean and Cas get ready for Charlie's classic video game-themed Halloween party, dressed as characters from Super Mario Brothers. But an unexpected glimpse of part of Cas's costume might just change their plans.

Explicit Rating

Tags: AU - College/University, Halloween Costumes, Friends to Lovers, Roommates, Fluff and Smut

Broken Wings and Spooky Things by @nox-lee for wargurl83

A case at a Halloween party takes a dangerous turn and Dean sees a whole new side of Cas.

Explicit Rating

Tags: Post-case, Halloween Costumes, Hurt Castiel, Wing Kink, Smut

Angels and Demons and Treats by @snarkysnartes for elizasugarcane

It's almost Halloween and Dean and Cas' son is feeling just a little bit upset.

General Rating

Tags: Fluff

Sweet Shenanigans by tfw_cas for supernatural9917

When a series of practical jokes occur in and around the bunker in the days leading up to Halloween, TFW 2.0 are left puzzled and a little irritated. Who is pulling these pranks, and for what reason? Dean is determined to discover the truth, and if that means spending time researching with his favourite angel, all the better. Maybe it will even bring them closer together.

Explicit Rating

Tags: Pranks and Practical Jokes, Humor, Fluff and Smut, First Time, Bath Sex

A Promise at Sunrise by @alessariel for spnhell

“Dude, don’t look now, but there’s another guy wearing the same costume as you!” Charlie daintily sipped her drink while Dean nearly spat out his beer.

What starts with a similar costume rapidly turns into the most amazing one-night stand Dean's ever had. Cas is funny, gorgeous, mysterious and really knows how to use his... wings. Among other things.

Dean made Cas promise to stay the night and watch the sunrise with him, but he finds himself hoping that Cas will stay a lot longer than that.

Explicit Rating

Tags: Alternative Universe, Creature Fic, Creature Castiel, Smut and Fluff, Bottom Dean

Under the Mask by @tobythewise for deadlykittenkay

Dean's heart is torn. On the one hand, he's been in love with his roommate slash best friend for years. On the other hand, he's about to meet his online Sir for the first time. His heart (and his dick) are conflicted. What could go wrong?

Explicit Rating

Tags: Friends to Lovers, Online Relationship, Two Person Love Triangle, Sub Dean, Dom Castiel, Roommates, Panty Kink, Sexting, Dirty Talk

A Samhain Nights Dream by @ellenofoz for crypto

Dean and Castiel finally get the chance to go away for a few days to the Ozark Mountains over Halloween. They arrive in town, only to discover that trick or treaters are going missing.

They agree to help out, even though working this case is preventing Dean from getting into his boyfriend’s satin panties. The kids are probably just hiding somewhere, stuffing their faces with candy, right?

Wrong.

Explicit Rating

Tags: Canon Divergence, Fairies, Panty Kink, Cowboy Castiel, Established Relationship, Dorks in Love

Fly Home by @neonbat666 for pimentogirl

Dean tried to be the big brother Sam would be proud of, even if he didn't know the first thing about taking care of an injured raven he found in his backyard. All he had to do was wait for when his Vet brother could swing his ass by and pick it up. Then again, he should have known life was never so easy.

Explicit Rating

Tags: AU - Creature Fic, Creature Castiel, Samhain Magic, Writer Dean

Not the Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back, but the Feather by prolixdreams for a_dusky_gold

Cas can't keep his wings off the Earthly plane. What's causing this, and what will it cause?

Explicit Rating

Tags: Angel Wings, Wing Kink, Road Trip

Every Part of You by @spnhell for jemariel

Dean doesn't get why Cas wants to celebrate Halloween. Every day of their lives is frickin' Halloween, and he's said as much more than once. But Cas won't be swayed, and with Sam off for the month hunting with Garth, Dean decides to hell with it, he's got nothing better to do. Of course, he ends up with way more than he bargained for when Cas takes his command to go and 'change into something more comfortable' a little too literally.

Explicit Rating

Tags: Bunker fic, Canon divergence, Castiel with wings, Wing Kink, Halloween Costumes, Grooming, Smut, Bottom Cas, Fluff

Would You by @leafzelindor for prolixdreams

Dean get's a chance to see Castiel's wings after the empty. Then he gets a chance to touch, which leads to more.

Explicit Rating

Tags: Art in Fic, Wing Kink, Grooming, Bottom Dean, Getting Together

Coffee on Halloween by @foxymoley for ultimatetrollcolinfirth 

SFW ART 

But Dean Likes Cowboys by @pimentogirl for ellenofoz

SFW ART

He Lost a Bet by @delicious-irony for plaid-and-devils-traps

NSFW ART

Halloween Night by @starmouse123 for beetlepiss

SFW ART 

Flash x2 by @foxymoley for snarkysnartes

SFW ART 

"Well, one of us is going to have to change” by @cryptomoon for delicious-irony

SFW ART 

[jockedguy]

Distraction

Summer explodes.  The heat, the sun.  The green on the trees.  And in its aftermath, things slow down some.   After winter’s cold, dark hand bosses everyone down the streets, people want to stop and take in the warmth.  It’s no longer necessary to hurry or scuttle through the wind and snow, coats tugged tight against faces - now there are long, luxurious strides, more skin bared with the passage of every June day.

And with it, comes the inevitable douchebags.  Showing up and showing off, right down Main Street, chests proud and arms swinging, lats spread beneath the thin white strings of tank tops.  Basketball shorts.   Somehow brand new looking sneakers, no matter the day, or maybe slide sandals.  They do it to be seen, to be watched.

On the outside, Ethan watches, sees.  He is scornful, in passing conversation.  Sometimes laughs at a meme he sees online, scrolling through Facebook, with a close approximation of that type.  Let’s be honest, he thinks.  It’s the jock stereotype.  The dumbass, muscle-obsessed, sports-ardent jock.  And the jocks are on parade.  Behind the wheel of shiny, glinting cars with music hammering the air.  In uniforms, sometimes, black eye-paint streaked and pants muddy, cleats half-unlaced.  Their fresh, aquatic colognes painting the air with invisible, heavy brushstrokes. 

And yet, for all his disdain, Ethan watches them.  He didn’t always.  And in the winter, it almost feels like he gets a bit of a reprieve - but still, his eyes travel, involuntarily, towards them, whenever he sees a Jock.  At work, stocking shelves, he sees a Jock go by, and there goes his attention.  He sees the baseball cap - Red Sox! - fitted, dark gray, bright red B, flat-brim, over short, dark hair and dark eyes that sort of suck light into them.  Red tank-top, showing off smooth, taut biceps and deltoids rounding slowly higher, still works in progress, but growing.  Basketball shorts - gray with a bright Nike swoosh like a blinding white grin down the thigh.  His calves lead down in tight diamonds to his Nike Roshes, also flame-red, the outsoles nearly sparkling, clearly well-maintained

Ethan’s face matches the Jock’s sneakers as he rips his gaze away from the bro.  Fuck, he thinks to himself.  It happened again.  How long this time?  He shakes his head back and forth to clear it of cobwebs and sets back to the task at hand.  

But still, he thinks to himself, how fucking cool would it be to have a body like that?  Being a Jock aside - he’d never dress like that, no way - just being fit, being in shape.  Being in tune with the body, being agile, being corded with muscle.  It makes a sort of practical sense, really.  He wonders why he doesn’t go to the gym, actually. 

(The Jock bro is crossing the parking lot, his shadow thrown back behind him like a long, thick sword.  A brief smile dusts the corner of his mouth, and then he reaches up to curl the earbuds into his ears.  Music swells up, the same thud and shout that accompanied his lifts not 30 minutes earlier.  He stops at the edge of the parking lot, hikes himself up onto the top of the picnic table, head bowed, knees spread, nodding to the music.  The Jock bro checks his G-Force watch, chunky and black against his tanned forearm.)

The Jock was wearing a lot of cologne, Ethan notes idly to himself.  He doesn’t hate it.  It doesn’t smell expensive, but it doesn’t smell cheap, either.  The only words that come to Ethan’s mind are swimming pool, locker room, weight room, high school, mall.  A splash of color and sound.  The cologne is fresh, sharp, clean.  That’s it, he thinks.  It smells clean.  Transparent, almost, like fresh glass.  Like ... like a mirror.

Ethan blinks and looks around.  He’s in the bathroom.  Must’ve wandered in here, he thinks to himself.  And there in front of him is the mirror over the sink.  “Gonna have to get these blackouts checked,” he says to himself, murmuring, chuckling.  Ethan blinks at himself.  Not scrawny.  Wiry.  Dark hair, a little curly, a little fluffy.  Time for a cut.  Long legs, long arms.  Squat torso.  Size 10 sneaker, currently a battered, low-top Chuck Taylor, the laces variegated with years.  Black-rim glasses and a well-maintained goatee. 

He flexes, then, pulls a double bi, right there in front of the mirror.  He holds it.  He puffs his chest out, he sucks his stomach in.  He tenses all of his muscles in the vain, pathetic attempt to somehow envision his biceps inflating, suddenly popping out like found baseballs - or softballs, even! - seeing the veins fill and surge and rise out of his skin like fleshy worms ...

The disappointment is nearly intoxicating, along with the rush of vertigo that hits directly after Ethan relaxes the flex.  No, he isn’t fit, muscled.  He’s got some wire under the skin, but so little mass. 

Need to eat more, Ethan muses, the smallest trickle of a stream of consciousness beginning to flow beneath his thoughts.  Protein would help the muscles grow.  But because those thoughts are so foreign - they almost don’t seem to belong to him - his brain rejects them as important on a surface level.

Ethan shakes his head.  Work, that’s what he was doing.  And life outside of work, well, that’s going okay, isn’t it?  Nothing too crazy.  School, with its accompanying homework, all the flipping of textbook pages and the quick pace of keyboard fingering, face lit by the screen, crafting essays.  Of course, sometimes it isn’t as quick a pace.  Sometimes, it’s an argument with speed.  He struggles.  Everyone struggles from time to time.  Just need more coffee.  And he always has coffee after a good, hard workout.  And that’s why he’s tired, of course.  Balancing school and work and his workout routine is exhausting, sometimes.

Ethan feels himself slump a little as he turns to exit the bathroom, feeling a dull ache in his shoulderblades, in his neck.  He reaches up to rub at them, digging in with his fingers, and issues an involuntary moan, a deep, throaty sound that verges on indecent.

(The sun is setting.  The Jock bro cracks his neck from side to side, feeling the pull in his lats, his traps.  He tilts his head to look up at the rapidly darkening sky.  The first hot breath of night-wind skirls across his face.  He tilts to one side, digs in the pocket of his shorts, and pulls out his phone.  His fingers tap over the number pad, and he lifts it to his face, skin bathed in the eldritch, electronic blue)

“Fffffuuuuuck,” Ethan judders out, his upper teeth clenching against the lower, his lips pressed tightly together in order to stifle the noise he makes as he bucks back & forth in the bathroom stall.  One hand has flung out against the tiles to keep himself steady as the other one jerks himself off, pumping wildly as his seven-inch cock, engorged in his hand, becomes like steel.  Ropes of saliva spray from his mouth, his head flung back in the crescendo of the orgasm.  It doesn’t once occur to him that he is fucking jerking off in the bathroom at work.

Ethan’s phone rings.  At least, he thinks its his phone.  Who else would have Turn Down For What as a fuckin ringtone?  Well, him and Justin.  Shit. 

“Yo.”  His voice sounds so far away as he picks up the phone.

“Bro!  What the fuck, you get lost?”

“Uhhhh ...”

(The Jock bro is laughing silently, knee-slapping.  He fuckin loves the first Uhhh.)

“Well, hurry the fuck up.  I’m waitin out in the parking lot.  Pick me up some eggs, wouldja?  I forgot em.  Oh, and chocolate milk.”

“Uhhhh ... okay.”

Ethan takes the phone off the side of his face and adjusts his backwards-facing hat.  The bathroom is filled with the smell of his cologne, which - even though he’s been told that one spray is enough - he has sprayed on at least five times this morning before leaving the house, and another before work started.  Now, of course, it mixes liberally with the strong, earthy musk of his cum, which has splattered all over the toilet and the floor.  Ethan stares at it, confused, and then remembers, and a horking, jerking laugh spills up out of his throat and into the air.  He turns on an immaculate, white and gray, Nike AirMax Wright, and leaves the bathroom without either cleaning up or washing his hands. 

The night air is cool around Ethan’s bare arms.  Still too skinny, he thinks to himself.  The trickle of his stream of consciousness has suddenly become a whitewater rapid.  A constant rising static, flooding out his other thoughts.  Need more mass. 

“Yo!”

It carries from across the parking lot.  The dark has fully descended now, like an eyelid shutting on the world.  Ethan feels his Nike Elite basketball shorts swishing around his knees.  “Yo!”  He cries back, and the sound carries a lot further than he thought it would, surprising even him - but only for a moment.

“Ready, bro?” 

“Fuckin course I’m ready.” 

“Gonna fuckin hit it tonight.”

The world is breaking up into kaleidoscopic colors.  Ethan rubs at his eyes, lifting his Ray-Bans to do it.  Something feels wrong.  Like two super-imposed images have become suddenly unmounted, and he is looking looking through through a haze of exhaust smoke.  “Uh, hang on ...” 

Deep down, in the dark miasma of his brain, sullen red Klaxons have surged to life, and the alarm is cranked up to full volume.  The clothes on his frame feel suddenly alien, the hat feels too large, the sneakers, too big.  He feels like a kid, playing dress-up in an older brother’s clothes.  His heart rate surges, and his eyes dart from shadow to shadow.

“Sup, bro?”  The Jock bro is looking back at him, vacant eyes slightly curious, mostly bored. 

“I’m not your ... bro.  Bro.”

The Jock bro moves closer.  Ethan would, instinctively, move back, but he doesn’t, not quite, he doesn’t think he does, anyway.  The Jock bro is standing so close now, so close that he can smell the entirely unnecessary aftershave under the cologne, so close that he can smell the residue of iron on his fingers, the rasp of slightly fruity pre-workout on his breath.  His hand comes up, grasps Ethan’s bicep.  His eyes fix, anchoring on something far down inside. 

“Bro.”

The anchor is being reeled back in, up through Ethan’s body.  He feels giddy, dizzy.  It is not an entirely unpleasant sensation, Ethan would reflect later - if he were able to reflect, later, beyond flexing in the mirror ... and well, let’s be honest, every reflective surface ...

“Come on, bro.  Let’s go.”

An invisible cloud grows around Ethan as he nods, just once, and then grins, slightly vacantly. “Hey bro.” 

“Yeah bro?”

Ethan flexes, as hard as possible, his muscles standing out in relief against his short, broad frame.  The night flees from their laughter as they throw arms around each other’s shoulders and head towards the gym.  And behind them, trailing a sweet, fresh, clean scent; mildly intoxicating, definitely distracting.

[chongjojunsalsa]

mon chérry

word count: 2694 words

pairing: seokjin/jimin (jinmin), seokjin/everyone (super mild, they’re just thirsty as fuck and exist through the group chat)

summary:

park jimin would no doubt consider himself to be the biggest fan of eatjin, but he doesn't have a fucking clue what to do when the rest of the world starts competing with him for that title.

or, seokjin leaves jimin tongue-tied.

note: best if you read on mobile or read it on ao3 and leave a cheeky kudos!

Park Jimin would no doubt consider himself to be the biggest fan of EatJin, even more so than the thousands of people that come online just to watch him shove spoonfuls of cheap ramyeon and packaged kimchi into his mouth, all the while spouting out the lamest (and in Jimin’s opinion, severely under-appreciated) uncle jokes. He wears this title proudly.

Park Jimin is also the regular guest.

And Park Jimin more often than not finds himself having a hard time doing both at the same time, trying to maintain a cool façade and a safe distance away from Seokjin while admiring his side profile. Most of the time, he manages, settling for a pat on his knee. Sometimes, he gives in to lowly temptation, throwing himself into Seokjin’s chest in a fit of laughter whenever he tells a joke. One time, just one, he kind of maybe overdid it a little, allowing his hand to slide from Seokjin’s chest down to a careful amount of centimetres away from his crotch just because Jeongguk was flush against Seokjin’s chest, giggling away, and he kind of maybe felt a little territorial. (He still doesn’t know if he regrets what he did.)

Mostly, Jimin’s an EatJin enthusiast because Seokjin only ever considers doing fanservice with a camera in the vicinity. Whether it’s unintentional or on purpose, Jimin takes it all.

Except that he doesn’t, because he doesn’t own the untouchable title that is the maknae.

Not that he ever acts like one, Jimin would think bitterly when Seokjin and Jeongguk play around, Jeongguk overpowering Seokjin in terms of sheer strength by wrestling him to the ground, their laughter mixing together like chimes in the wind. And yes, Jimin wants to be Seokjin’s favourite dongsaeng, that’s why he’s always his special guest on EatJin, seizing every opportunity he can get to get closer to his hyung, especially when Jeongguk steals all of Seokjin’s attention at any other given time. The same Jeongguk who tells him that trying to gain Seokjin’s favour by appearing on EatJin all the time is cheating. Taehyung absolutely agrees, Jimin absolutely doesn’t.

Fanservice, Jimin learnt, isn’t all about sliding your hand over your hyung’s crotch, it’s grazing your hand over his knuckles for a split second, only to crave contact immediately, it’s the gaze of adoration sent in his direction whenever he does something goofy and everybody else cringes. And while their fans do appreciate it when they act out lines from a makeshift script together, it’s the subtle moments that really sends their minds reeling.

Or that one time they almost kissed on a Gayo. That sent their minds reeling too.

Today, it’s fruits, and when Seokjin says fruits, he means one bowl of cherries and no bananas in sight. Remind Jimin to never get his hopes up with Seokjin.

(“It’s barey a mukbang if all you eat is a bowl of cherries,” Jimin had snorted, earning him a flick in the forehead.

Seokjin puffed his cheeks up in annoyance, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing, “It’s EatJin, not EatJimin, so I get to decide what I eat.

Jimin simply threw his hands up in defeat, an amused smile playing on his lips.)

It’s halfway throughout the liveshow, after six uncle jokes, that Seokjin finally succumbs to the need to satisfy his viewers’ (and Jimin’s, don’t forget Jimin) thirst.

He pops a cherry into his mouth, makes a guttural sound about how sweet this batch is when all of a sudden, his eyes light up like he’s found the cure for cancer and he turns to Jimin. “I almost forgot, I learnt a new special trick.”

“What is it, hyung?” Jimin’s eyes sparkle in anticipation.

Seokjin holds up one finger, giggling under his breath. “You’ll see, give me a moment.”

Jimin’s fingers drum on the glass table impatiently, in patient wait of whatever his hyung had prepared, a mischievous grin because he knows the others would kill to be in his position right now.

Seokjin stares into space for a while, as if focusing on something, and finally, finally turns towards Jimin, a satisfied grin and all, and Jimin prepares himself for something amazing, and underwhelming as it may seem, it’s more intense than anything Jimin could’ve imagined.

But then Seokjin pulls something out of his mouth and sets it in his hand, satisfied grin and all, and Jimin wouldn’t have noticed that that little thing was Seokjin’s party trick if he hadn’t been staring at Seokjin’s cherry-stained lips. Jimin’s smile almost falters.

It’s a cherry knot.

A fucking cherry knot, but that innocent little stalk sitting in the palm of Seokjin’s hand is the least innocent thing in the room right now, not counting Jimin.

“Hyung, do you know what this means?” Jimin asks, lips pressed into a thin line as he lunges for the phone, reading the comments frantically. Oh. The comment section is swarmed with comments, most of them Jimin can read, some of them he can’t, but he can more or less tell that they know exactly what a cherry knot means.

Seokjin senses the panic in Jimin’s voice, and immediately leans in worriedly, pressing the back of his hand “No, Jiminie, is anything wrong?”

Jimin looks up at Seokjin, holding his curious and worried stare for a few good seconds before replying, “It means you’re really good at kissing.”

At this, Seokjin bursts into his squeaky laughter, Pacific Ocean shoulders shaking, hand intuitively reaching over to Jimin’s knee for support, but not before smacking him in the shoulder. “Jimin-ah, you scared me! Of course I’m good at kissing!”

Seokjin blows a flying kiss to the camera.

[ you received a message from eatjin! ]

eatjin yoongi-yah did you watch my vlive~ (◕ᴗ◕✿)

suga&spice no

eatjin ｡ﾟ(ﾟ'Д'ﾟ)ﾟ｡ as expected from my yoongichii

suga&spice just kidding i watched it till the end hyung i even gave you hearts

eatjin ( ˘ ³˘)♡ as expected from my yoongichii~

[ you recieved a message from seaguk @ emergency meeting! ]

seaguk PARK JIMIN THATS CHEATING

chimmers it’s still hyung to you maknae

sunshinehobi it should be illegal to leave hyung with you

taelien I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD PLAY DIRTy

sunshinehobi how could you make him do that

taelien and oN NATIONAL TV

chimmers fucking drama queens he did it himself just admit yall jealous

seaguk BITCG

chimmers everyone: 0 jimin: 1

suga&spice yoongi: 100000

chimmers bitch pls i did an eatjin with him

suga&spice forwarded a message from eatjin: ( ˘ ³˘)♡.

seaguk YOURE KIDDING mE

taelien WHY DON’T I GET THIS TREATMENT

chimmers I WONT STAND FOR THIS HE GAVE ME A FLyING KISS IRL FIHGT ME

suga&spice FUCKING GLADLY SHRIMP

chimmers LIKE YOURE VERY TALL

sunshinehobi SHUT UP and can i just say yoongi hyung's a lucky bastard only because he's roommates w seokjinnie hyung

suga&spice we’re forever roommates hyung said so so yall dont stand a chance

chimmers wait a goddamn minute im his go-to for eatjin

suga&spice two words roommate privileges

seaguk THATS CHEATING

taelien I DON’T GET WHY JIN HYUNG WON’T INVITE ME ON EATJIn i’m tHE BIGGEST FAN OF EATJIN ANYWAy

sunshinehobi DONT START THIS KIM TAEHYUNG

chimmers SIT THE FUCK DOWN KIM TAEHYUNG

taelien on jin hyung’s lap

seaguk :)

sunshinehobi it was nice meeting u tae

taelien what lol

suga&spice looks like the maknae wants to reclaim his land

suga&spice FJCK HOW THE FYVK DID YUO GET HERE SO FAST

rapmoney wait what’d i miss??? i was sleeping, sorry taehyung’s incessant screaming woke me up it’s as if he’s being bloody murdered

To Jimin’s dismay, knowledge of Bangtan’s eldest member ability to tie a cherry knot spread like wildfire, the flames of the rumour licking at every corner of the internet, sparing nobody from the endless GIFs of Seokjin popping a cherry into his mouth and pulling a perfect little knot out, more often than not accompanied with a flustered Jimin’s reaction and a simple caption: ‘same, Jimin’.

Soon after, cherry knots became a trend, with idols trying and inherently failing to tie a cherry knot and ambitious fans following suit, to no avail unfortunately. And then all of a sudden, Seokjin of BTS was known for his cherry red lips and what had long dissolved into a simple ‘amazing kissing skills’.

Antis undoubtedly called Seokjin out for faking it, calling it a cheap trick, well, not that it mattered when #CherryJin had been trending as number 1 on Twitter the day they did the livestream, and Jimin is almost sure that Twitter had considered making him a little emoticon.

So how the hell did Jimin not see this coming?

“Why don’t you give us a taste of your amazing ability, Cherry Jin?” the show host – Jimin had already forgotten her name – exclaimed with an enigmatic grin, perfectly manicured fingernails tippity-tapping against the plastic cue cards clasped in her hands.

Jimin had been invited onto a mukbang with Seokjin, their ulterior motive of having the ever so famous Cherry Jin in their studio disguised as clasped hands and charming smiles and the fact that their chemistry on other shows surpass many others. Needless to say,  Jimin was more than delighted to guest-star on another show with his hyung, even if he kind of felt like he was cheating on EatJin.

That day, they had guests from different idol groups come to make some sort of dessert with the theme cherry - of course - in mind. Seokjin and Jimin had won, much to their surprise, because Jimin was pretty sure that the group from EXO had done much better, but the producers probably thought it impolite to let the Cherry Jin lose at cherries.

“It’s nothing special!” Seokjin chuckles, ears tinged red with gratification, the shit-eating grin on his face saying otherwise.

“You’ll do it for the biggest fan of EatJin, right?” she giggles, placing a wretched hand on Seokjin’s godly shoulders, and Jimin grunts in displeasure, fighting the urge to stand up and remind them that this is a mukbang, not a talent show.

Seokjin grins smugly, turning his gaze towards the camera. “Anything for ARMY!"

The woman claps her hands like an overeager circus seal (Jimin is unapologetic), her smile plastic.

Somebody off-stage quickly passes Seokjin a bowl of a-little-too-red cherries, and Seokjin offers a polite nod.

Who cares about Seokjin's cherry knots when Jimin's stomach is tying knots here and there all by itself?

Swiftly, Seokjin slips a cherry into his mouth, plump lips wrapping around it before it disappears into his mouth. Jimin notices that the expression on the host's and the other guests' faces looks exactly like Jimin's when he had been watching Seokjin the first time around, and he doesn't exactly like it.

In all his daze, he hadn't noticed Seokjin had finished his pony trick, content smile and all, until he heard the host lady squealing in what appeared to be incredulity, the other guests gasping along. When it finally registers to him that he's being filmed by a camera to be watched by thousands, he plasters on a smile and claps along with the host. All in good fun.

Jimin can't help when his smile falters a little the moment the cameras turn away from him. Making Seokjin perform something like that - a moment that Seokjin had shared with and only with Jimin just a week ago - in front of a bevy of cameras just rubs him the wrong way. Jimin would rather attempt to tie a cherry knot all by himself than allow Seokjin to go on stage and do that in front of the masses.

But, of course Jimin always speaks (thinks) too soon.

"Jimin-ssi, would you like to try doing what Seokjin-ssi has demonstrated for us just now?" the host interrupts his train of thought with her nasally voice and flicks a clump of blonde hair off her shoulder.

Jimin almost visibly frowns, this host was starting to get on his nerves, what makes her think he'll do it?

... is what he thinks until he sees Seokjin's face, lips pursed into an excited little smile, and he gives in even before Seokjin can utter a single plead. God, he's so fucking whipped.

If Seokjin the virgin (a well-known but surprising fact) could do it, how hard could it be?

Turns out, it's really hard. Jimin accidentally swallows the knot along with the cherry, sending him into a coughing and sputtering mess, and his life flashes before his eyes, until he manages to finally choke it out, tattered with teeth marks. The host's and other guests' cheeks are puffed up with laughter they're very politely holding in, and Jimin realises that maybe it's better if he'd just died. Then again, dying from a cherry knot? He'd be ridiculed by all his ghost friends.

The awkward silence in the studio is finally broken when Seokjin speaks up, voice trembling with laughter. "I hope you finally learn how to cherry-sh your life."

Good news: everybody groans and forgets about Jimin.

Bad news: Jimin himself bursts out laughing, drawing all the attention back to him.

Good news: Seokjin's head is buried in Jimin's chest, allowing for an overwhelming warmth to fill his chest.

Bad news: Jimin is just resisting the urge to get Seokjin to show him just how good he is at tying cherry knots, if you know what he means.

The host laughs uncomfortably at this turn of events and tries to steer the conversation back on track. "Looks like Jimin-ssi has to take lessons from Seokjin on how to tie cherry knots."

Bad move, lady. The hidden implication behind what she says races through Jimin's mind and he bites down on his lower lip to clear his mind and get rid of unnecessary thoughts in his head. A glance towards Seokjin sends his mind reeling once again as he tries to process what his hyung may have meant by a wink in his direction.

Or maybe it was the trick of an eye, because Seokjin merely turns to the camera, puckers his lips and blows a kiss.

[ you received a message from taelien @ emergency meeting! ]

taelien AHASKJAHAHAHA WHAT THE UFKC WAS THAT JIMn thE WAY YOU CHOKED WAS BRUTAL

chimmers ohmygod dont bring that up

seaguk i could probably do it they shouldve asked mE to go

chimmers of all the things to bring up why THAT PART

sunshinehobi i want to be mad at you for being on the show with hyung but there is only pity

suga&spice maybe we can get #cherryjimin trending

chimmers blocked and reported for cyberbullying

seaguk #cherryjimin

sunshinehobi #cherryjimin

chimmers really

taelien #cherryjimin

rapmoney you did well on the show jimin!

suga&spice namjoon stop were bullying him

rapmoney oh i see

chimmers NO WAIT MY ONLY ALLY

rapmoney #cherryjimin

chimmers left emergency meeting.

suga&spice added chimmers to emergency meeting.

chimmers sigh #cherryjimin

-

In the end, Jimin realises that what Seokjin had meant by a wink was quite literally a lesson on how to tie cherry knots.

"Why? Were you expecting something?" Seokjin has the audacity to ask, spitting out the fifth cherry knot he's churned in two minutes.

Jimin has to stop himself from saying yes, but seeing the keen little smile on Seokjin's face is fulfilment enough for him. He rests his elbow on the coffee table and his chin in his palm, gaze fixated on Seokjin, eyes roaming from his eyes to his nose to his cherry-stained lips, resting on the last-mentioned a little longer than necessary.

"Is anything the matter?" Seokjin asks, worry lacing his voice, bringing Jimin out of his small daze. Crap, he got caught staring.

But he only smiles. "Love you, hyung."

"Love you too, Jiminie!" Seokjin shoots finger hearts at Jimin, smile so wide it forms crescents in his eyes, which sends a pang through Jimin’s heart, when suddenly his face lights up. "Do you want to be my special guest in the next EatJin?"

It doesn't take an ounce of hesitation for Jimin to fling an arm around Seokjin's shoulder (it's a long reach) and nod very fervently. "Of course, hyung!"

Yes, Park Jimin would no doubt consider himself to be the biggest fan of EatJin.

[a-notanotherfitnessblog]

Social Media is like crack and crack my friends is WACK.

In my 23 years of life the world has gone through a time of huge technological advancement, I remember dial-up internet and now everyone has an iPhone X, and you can get WiFi in the tube, which to me is still weird. And during this we witnessed the birth of what came to be called Social Media, starting with Facebook and MySpace, then Blogger and Bebo, now Instagram and Pinterest, how many incarnations of these platforms have we lived through already? It all came from this deep primative urge we humans have to socialise and connect with others, these platforms were built for exactly that to create connections between us. Facebook’s slogan was “Facebook is a social utility that connects you with the people around you.” More hilarious and I think apt options for Facebook slogans can be found here. The funny thing is although made with this purpose in mind, social media has been found to do the exact opposite,  it pushes us away from each other and into our devices. It may have been the creators intention but “Connection” is not a word I would use for SM now, the more accessible all these platforms have become to us the less time people spend actually connecting. Which is where my first issue with SM lies, it’s removing us all from the MOMENT, instead of letting an event or feeling happen, we have to tweet it or capture it and post it. When this comes to health and fitness it means you’re distracted from the actually doing of the fitness and more interested in putting up an Insta-story of you post-workout shake. Outside of fitness, I mean come on, how many times have you been sat in with friends and they’re all so sucked into their phones they aren’t even listening, it’s maddening how involved and invested we’ve become with something that’s not even real. Psychology Today which is a great website for any of you who like geeking out about everyday things has a great article linked here all about the different ways social media ruins everything, which sounds extreme but their reasons are pretty accurate. 

Being the first generation of teens to be ‘plugged in’ and living with social media, I have experienced first-hand how much all this tech can impact your self-esteem and if anything this fact has only become more apparent with ‘influencers’ and bloggers showing you exactly what your life “should” look like, it’s hard to not take a serious self esteem hit every time you go online. Working in the fitness industry it’s hard to not feel that pressure of what your life should be like, if it’s not the fittest and healthiest life, one where you train every day, constantly motivated, getting a great night’s sleep every night and eating 100% clean. And that’s pretty hard to keep up when you remember that we’re all actually HUMAN and trying to balance living and surviving in London, attempting to maintain a social life, maybe even a relationship and stay sane. Some days it’s completely impossible.

Specifically I find that “Fitness” and “Wellness” accounts are the worst culprits of this, out of all the people you follow, how many tell you about how sh*t their workout was yesterday or how this morning they couldn’t fit in their yoga class because they just couldn’t sleep last night, I would hazard a guess at less than 1 out of every 100. It’s not hard to assume that only a hand full are transparent about how they’re training, how much they’re training and how they really feel day-to-day. I’d also like to point out that fitness accounts on social media is very clone-like, if you’re not super lean blonde tall tanned and head-to-toe in Gym Shark, then you’re not fit. I call BS. Fitness is not a size, a skin colour, a hair texture, a height, a body fat %, it’s just not. And that’s not to say that if you are a person who is naturally quite lean, or you’re blonde, or you wear gymshark that I’m sending for you because I’m really not, more power to you, but what I am trying to highlight to everyone is that COMPARISON WILL NEVER BRING YOU JOY ON YOUR FITNESS JOURNEY. 

Now don’t get me wrong I think social media can be used as a great tool, if used in a productive way and I’m not perfect up here on my soap box, I’ve followed people who I know made me feel shitty about myself because it’s almost addictive to scroll infinitely through beautiful images of beautiful people. And I caught myself completely craving that gratification we seem to get from likes and comments on new photos. But if unchecked it can wreak havoc on our mental health. So, if you’ve never done this before I am recommending a social media PURGE. Go through each stream that you have be them Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and UNFOLLOW every single person that makes you feel even vaguely bad about yourself, your body, face, life, fitness level, all of it, get them OFF OF YOUR FEEDS. Because that is the first step to reclaiming your social media as YOUR OWN.  

Social Media is just a highlight reel, most people on their especially those who are getting paid to post or advertise are not showing you a full well rounded version of their lives, they’re showing you the best bits. Thankfully, we are learning and children in schools now are being taught how to manage themselves online and keep themselves safe. A study found that the mere presence of a phone while people are talking interferes with their ability to feel levels of closeness, connection, and communication, so we’ve got to check ourselves, have NO TECH days, make your friends leave their phone in their BAG while you’re having dinner, make your partner turn their devices OFF on Date night, because we don’t have anyone to teach us this, we missed that boat, we’re having to figure that out for ourselves and it’s not going to be easy.

We live in an age where the infinity scroll gives you constant distraction but also gratification, where the number of likes we get reflects directly on to how we feel about ourselves. But guess what, your self-worth cannot be quantified by how many likes you get on your smoothie bowl picture and uploading a picture of said smoothie bowl doesn’t undo the pizza and McDonalds you ate last night after leaving the club and although you’re currently hungover your followers think you’re living your best life, eating well and being #fitspo.. do you see what I’m getting at? So, before you find yourself getting bogged down by social media and start question your real life and why it isn’t just like that girl on the beach in Bali with no under-eye bags, perfect hair and 6-pack abs with about 3 filters and Face Tune on it, remember that they’re probably uploading that while in their pyjamas, eating yesterday’s left overs with toothpaste on their jumper, or at least that what I’ll probably be doing when this goes up, but you’ll never know HAHAHAH. This is all to say you’re doing great, do a little social purge and keep hustling. If you’re interested in reading more about Social Media’s role in our lives and have some more science stuff thrown at you i would highly recommend “Why Social Media is Ruining Your Life” by Katherine Ormerod, you can get it on Audible, it’s a great book with loads of really great observations on our societies obsession with SM.

Signing off, lots of love, 

xox

[notabikerider]

Its tag time!!! i found this randomly and i tag anyone who wants to do this too

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?  there is a light that never goes out, my kind of woman, crazy for you, love will tear us apart, weird honey

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? 

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.         “Is her finger on the Stop button, hoping for the strength to press it? What is she doing? I can’t hear!”

4: What do you think about most? honestly movies, food, and my boyfriend

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? “I know I love it”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? clothes on i am not a sinner

7: What’s your strangest talent? I can do a mean angry new york mom impression

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) no, this one is dumb

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? both yeah

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? today no shame

11: Do you have any strange phobias? terrified that whenever im in an enclosed area with a lot of people that someone has a gun and is going to start shooting. irrational but true

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? no??

13: What’s your religion? agnostic 

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? going back inside

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind, i love taking pictures and doing film

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? bitch i cant answer that

17: What was the last lie you told? i don’t remember??? i try to avoid lying at all costs

18: Do you believe in karma? yeah, what goes around comes around

19: What does your URL mean? self explanatory but i made it when i was a lot sadder than i am now 

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? weakness: emotional. strength: emotional

21: Who is your celebrity crush? a lot of people but probably mac demarco the most

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? no

23: How do you vent your anger? by complaining to friends and family or writing it out

24: Do you have a collection of anything? i have a lot of journals

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? video chatting, i like to see people’s expressions during a conversation

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? 1000% yes

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? i hate the sound of sports announcers and i love the sound of running your hand through still water.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if i would have had the courage to talk to the people i wanted to throughout high school?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. my computer

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? the ice cream im eating

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? fucking middle of nowhere nevada

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? west coast purely because i live here and i haven’t been to the east coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? mac demarco

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? happiness and love 

36: Define Art. impossible?? the point of art is that it can be anything, it’s subjective.

37: Do you believe in luck? undecided

38: What’s the weather like right now? way too fucking hot

39: What time is it? 9:07 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? no and no

41: What was the last book you read? a heartbreaking work of staggering genius (my favorite)

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? no and i dont understand how people do 

43: Do you have any nicknames? jill

44: What was the last film you saw? boyhood

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? dislocated knee, three different times

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? no they spook me up close

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? movies

48: What’s your sexual orientation? bi/pan honestly whatever you want to call it, i like all genders

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? yeah

50: Do you believe in magic? no

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? depends on the situation

52: What is your astrological sign? gemini cancer cusp (my bday is on tuesday!!)

53: Do you save money or spend it? both, spend some save some

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? clothes

55: Love or lust? love

56: In a relationship? yes im in love with harry gillette 

57: How many relationships have you had? 3 serious ones including the one im in now

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no

59: Where were you yesterday? my friends’ grad party 

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? yes my socks

61: Are you wearing socks right now? weirdly related to my last answer but yes

62: What’s your favourite animal? dogs and cows but i love all animals

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? my humor and my awkward/spazzy nature

64: Where is your best friend? home probably?

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. @lxvebad @edgarallenidunno @sedatedtaylor @perpetually-mediocre

66: What is your heritage? white

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? skyping pals

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? what kind of question is that

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? yeah i have

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? yeah i feel like im a pretty A+ pal

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? RUN TO THE DOG TO SAVE IT AND LOSE MY JOB FUCK THAT I CAN GET ANOTHER JOB THE DOG CANT GET ANOTHER LIFE

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? this question is too scary i dont want to think about it next

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. trust, love without trust isnt love at all

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? there is a light that never goes out by the smiths. i love that band and its impossible not to sing and dance to that tune

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 8493

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? trust, love, passion, respect

77: How can I win your heart? be harry 

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? yes but that doesnt make insanity positive 

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? taking my first film class freshman year of high school

80: What size shoes do you wear? 8

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? dont wanna think about that

82: What is your favourite word? ambivalent or serenity  

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. love

84: What is a saying you say a lot? hows it hanging & solid

85: What’s the last song you listened to? drunk again by reel big fish

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? dark red & pale pink

87: What is your current desktop picture? a picture of nate who i miss every day

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? donald trump

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? 

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? well if they dont pose a threat to me id just leave my house for the time being and wait for them to leave

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? teleportation!

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? a half hour of talking to nate

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? my “best friend” completely leaving me behind

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? mac demarco 

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? london

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? no

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? no

98: Ever been on a plane? yes when i was 8 

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? be fucking nice to each other and accept everyone.

[dorothydelgadillo]

How I Paid Off My Car With Coding—and Changed My Life

Emily Martens works remotely from the beach in California as a Content Manager for youth sports filming and highlight reel editing company NextPro. However, just a couple of years ago she was working up to five jobs at a time, struggling to pay her bills, and making no headway on her debts. What was the big change from then to now? Learning how to code. She told her story to Scott Morris.

Just a couple of years ago I was in a position that I think a lot of people can relate to. I was working in marketing, mostly doing copywriting and social media management, and I was working A LOT. At one point I was actually working up to five different jobs depending on the week, including supplemental retail and data entry work. But guess what? I was still swamped with bills and debt. I did manage to always cover my monthly bills, but it felt so haphazard—like I was surviving paycheck-to-paycheck with no real direction. Meanwhile, I was getting nowhere with my long-term debt on the income I was making. It started to get super discouraging seeing how much I was working but not seeing that time reflected when it came to paying off debt.

I Needed New Skills to Pay Off My Debt, But I Didn’t Know Where to Start

I knew my upward career trajectory and ability to get ahead on bills and credit card debt was limited without a new bachelor’s degree or a master’s degree (hello overwhelming student loan debt) or more marketable skills, but that’s such a hard place to be in—it’s one thing to KNOW you want to improve your career and financial prospects, but it’s another thing to figure out how to get there.

In my case, I eventually ended up in a situation where I really didn’t have a choice—I had a baby! This meant I HAD to start up skilling to make extra money, and I needed to do it ASAP.

When I took maternity leave I ended up losing one of my jobs, and half of my steady income went with it. I’d actually been thinking (very gently) about learning to code for a while, but it was that sudden loss of income combined with timely encouragement from my fiancé that got me seriously considering it. My fiancé is a teacher, and around the same time my income took a hit he happened to go to a demonstration at a local tech company looking to get high school students excited about computer science. While he was at that demonstration it occurred to him that I might really enjoy coding.

He mentioned the idea to me and it just seemed to click. I come from a family of artists and performers—I actually studied theatre arts and have written novels—but ultimately I’ve always enjoyed math and problem solving. However, up to that point no one ever pushed me to pursue anything STEM related. It just sounded like such a perfect idea that I started doing research on different coding schools. And I’m glad I did! I’d looked into everything from personal training to real estate, but coding ended up being the only thing that really ignited a passion in me—I was able to tell what an ideal fit it was even during my first HTML and CSS lessons.

I Had to Get Past My Doubts to Start Making More Money

I did a LOT of research about coding schools before I decided to enroll with Skillcrush. Obviously, I had a very young baby at home, so an in-person bootcamp wasn’t viable for me (nor did I have that kind of money to spend on tuition). A 100 percent online course was definitely a must, so that—combined with a price point that didn’t involve major student loan debt—made Skillcrush a seem like a perfect alternative to bootcamps. Still, the main reason I finally chose Skillcrush was the culture. The idea that coding was for everyone really appealed to me. Of course, even though I was sure about choosing Skillcrush I didn’t go into learning coding without some doubts. There’s always the concern about how long it will take to learn to code, but by the time I started Skillcrush I realized I’d wasted so much time thinking and talking about doing new things (instead of actually doing them), that I was able to get over this concern pretty fast.

Money, however, was more of a persistent concern for me—Skillcrush is a lot more affordable than other options but it’s still an investment, and this was at a time when my finances were stretched pretty thin. Fortunately I had a partner who encouraged me to just go for it, spend the money, and invest in myself. And that’s exactly what it ended up being—a smart investment in my future. The courses that I took have long since paid for themselves (speaking of paying off debts), and I learned valuable skills that were already putting me in a position to turn a profit by the end of my first three-month Skillcrush Blueprint (the Front End Developer Blueprint, which I followed up with the WordPress Developer Blueprint).

Learning to Code Helped Pay My Debts, But it Also Changed My Life

In my case it took me about six months to FEEL ready to start doing paid web developer work, but looking back I realize I could have started pursuing paid work by the time I completed the Front End Developer Blueprint. I landed my first job by approaching a work colleague who owned a digital marketing agency and who I’d done copywriting for in the past. I told her I was now working as a WordPress web developer, and she got super excited and told me she had a client who needed a website. After telling me a little bit about the project, she asked me to send her a quote along with some theme template suggestions she could include in a proposal for her client. By the end of that week I had a deposit in my bank account and started writing code for pay! It felt amazing. And it felt even better once I dove into the work and proved to myself that I had the chops to do what I said I could do.

Now—two years after I started learning to code—I’m working as a Content Manager, a job that included overseeing the front end development of our company’s new website. I had a three week deadline on the initial launch of the website, but with the skills I’ve learned I was able deliver it ahead of schedule. As far as bills and debt go, my salary is now almost six times what it was when I set out on my coding journey. So, like I mentioned, my Skillcrush debts were easily and long since paid off. I’ve also paid for my car loan in full, I can handle all of my bills each month without using credit cards, I bought new furniture, took my family on a Disney vacation, and—best of all—my coding income has allowed us to live on the beach here in California. In fact, I can see the ocean right now from my desk where I’m working, because my job is also a remote position—pretty handy since I have a toddler to take care of.

This lifestyle change has been nothing but positive for my mental health and work/life balance, which speaks to the fact that learning to code is so much more than just paying off debt. Don’t get me wrong, the financial aspect is huge, but it’s improved my life in almost every way I can think of. I now have a confidence and determination I never experienced before learning to code, and things like debt payoff and extra money for bills are really just a side effect of that.

from Web Developers World https://skillcrush.com/2018/07/16/pay-off-debt-with-coding/

[wrenchy55-blog]

Lets talk about the Nintendo Switch.

So we’ve had a little bit of time to simmer down and let the details come in for the Switch and its been a hot topic for a while, so lets talk about how the switch may do, what to expect from it and some personal fears.

tl;dr at the bottom of the page.

First up lets talk about the hardware itself. For £280 (I’ll be using the UK pricing for this) the Switch is packing a 6.2 inch screen running at a 1280x720 resolution, A built in 32GB memory (with room for SD cards), Two Joycons and the required side equipment and cables. At least Nintendo remembered the chargers this time.

I had some fears going into the switch that the Joycons would be too small for more intense use, character action games and fighters require alot of precise inputs and having a small controller could hinder that heavily. However early impressions seem to be positive and my fears can eased somewhat, whether the Joycons will still be suitable for more intense genres are yet to be seen. On that note the Pro controller also seems to serve as a standard alternative, although one that costs £65 which is quite alot for a controller, more on that in a bit.

Moving on lets talk about the battery related issues. The switch had been said to last around 3 - 6 hours unplugged with a roughly 3 hour charge time when not interacting with the system. Not bad all considering, about the same as other portable devices although it will be interesting to see how each game handles it. I have a feeling a lot of the games people will want to play on the go will be the ones that last 3 hours but that is just speculation.

last point of note is the storage, while Nintendo has confirmed that the Switch can support a 1TB SD card the situation leaves me questioning if the 32GB memory was a conscious decision or limitation. some reports suggest that Breath of the Wild will take up around half the memory on its own which makes the built in memory even more questionable. Was the Switch built expecting you to buy external memory, maybe Nintendos own variant or was that a decision further in development? its likely that this was a conscious decision all considering yet that leads to one of my fears with the switch...

How much do Nintendo expect us to pay in accessories? Taking into account various SD cards, the Pro controller, 2 more Joycons for if you want to go 4 player and the straps that can be up to £450 for the full experience, and that’s without taking into account games. On that note Nintendo has announced there will be no game bundles with the switch meaning you have to buy them separately which is odd considering its competitors models.

Overall on its own the switch is a fine piece of hardware for a fairly good price if we compare it to the launch prices of the PS4 and XB1, which we will be discussing later on, however whether that price is justifiable knowing how much extra you may have to pay is up to you. (For example in the UK a Switch plus Zelda combo will be £340)

Lets talk about games for a bit. The Nintendo Switch presentation demonstrated alot of potential for movement controls with the so called ‘HD Rumble’ technology, allowing for the supposed best experience ever created for said style of games. The gesture is nice however the question still stands: How much support will the Switch get?

On the movement horizon we have ‘1,2 Switch’ a party game launch title somewhat reminiscent of the Wario ware game, following that up is ‘ARMS’ sometime in spring, an interesting boxing game that shows quite a lot of promise and Just Dance 2017 which is...well its Just Dance not exactly groundbreaking but it has an audience...that seems to be it unless I am forgetting something. Only 3 real games using the movement features seems...weak, its almost like some developers don’t want to use them and see it as a gimmick...

Ignoring that we have the big guns in the form of Breath of the Wild, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, Splatoon 2 and Super Mario Odyssey among other games yet to receive a release date like Xenoblade 2. A fairly solid line up for Nintendo fans with more to come in the form of SMT, Fire Emblem: Warriors and No More Heroes. While all of these show potential, BotW getting particular attention, the line up itself is rather spread out leaving alot of time to be filled with 3rd party titles.

The only problem being those 3rd party titles are also fairly thin, sure you have Skyrim for the 5 people who haven't played it and Fifa because why not and yet, the other big third party releases haven't really shown up. We will Likely have to wait until E3 but whats happening during that time to keep everyone going? Furthermore the rumours that Fifa is a last gen port doesn’t paint a pretty image for third party development in the future. It could just be that it wasn’t built with the switch in mind but that’s all speculation. I will hold out hope that future games will be built with the switch in mind but if not then I fear the Switch will go down the same road as the Wii U.

Outside of that I fear that Nintendo are banking too much on Zelda. don’t get me wrong, the game looks great however it is very clearly the set up to be the Switches killer app but without much to support it, the launch line up could spell doom for the console. On another note the Switch lineup seems to lack genre variety. Where as the Switch has plenty of JRPG’s on the horizon, wheres the fighting game? Where’s the shooters? PlayStation has Street fighter, Xbox has Killer instinct, Nintendo did have smash but that has no signs of being ported yet so where’s the game to grab that community? Similarly how do you convince for example the shooter crowd to choose the Switch over the other consoles? Splatoon is cool and all but its a niche and with exclusivity deals on lock for the competition how does Nintendo reel them in?

Last bit of note: Pricing. The retail price for Zelda, Splatoon and Mario are £60. the average retail price for a new release in £50, however games like ARMS and Mario Kart 8 Deluxe are at £50. This pricing mish-mash could work out horribly or very well in the long run. we will have to see.

Next up lets talk briefly about online play. From launch until sometime in the Fall season we will be able to use the Nintendo online features fully, including their online lobby and voice chat app, however after that you will be required to pay a fee, while we don’t know the price yet this system isn’t surprising considering its competition and yet it falls short.

While the Playstation Plus Service offers you 6 free games per month across 3 platforms along with early beta access and deals and Microsoft's Xbox Live Gold offers a similar suite along with backwards compatible games Nintendo seems to fall short by only offering you a free NES/SNES game per month, for that month, along side some discounts. The fact you don’t keep this game after the month makes this a even worse deal. 

On another note the idea of a app being used for social interactions seems like a attempt to reach the phone/social media market without thinking of the competition in the form of Discord or other free apps that allow people across all consoles and devices to talk at once. Also the app hasn’t been confirmed to be on the Switch itself as of yet, which seems weird. Am I meant to have one ear bud from my phone and another from my Switch console? How is that practical?

Last but not least lets compare the market. A new switch (either colour) will set you back £280 without games. For £250 I can get a 500GB PS4 Slim (one of the newer models) with two games (in this case Overwatch and Ratchet and Clank, two good games by the way) and on the other side of the spectrum I can get a 500GB Xbox One S with Minecraft and Forza Horizon 3 for £240.

Also as mentioned before the average price for a new PS4/XB1 game is £50 vs Nintendos individually valued games.

My point here is that while the Switch will likely sell gangbuster numbers at launch, the competition is already comfortable at a cheaper price with more to offer and for non Nintendo fans, will the price justify the interest against these two with already available backlogs?

I have a question. Is the Switch, with its portable console image going to be the only Nintendo product going ahead? Will the 3DS be left in the dust along with its IP’s? While I don’t doubt there will be ports, after years of building up this brand suddenly phasing it out without much attention seems short sighted.

Overall the switch shows promise and don’t get me wrong I want it to be successful, I like Nintendo and alot of their IP’s but I worry the the Switch may be jumping in too quickly without enough to support it, also why is the online service happening half a year later? Is the Switch a rush to market situation? Does the Wii U/3DS not have enough life to last until winter? We will have to see.

tl;dr The switch shows plenty of promise as the hot new console set to take on the home and portable fronts, however its spread out approach, pricing and rather lackluster online service, especially when compared to its competition, may be the start of a bumpy road. One Nintendo has been trying to get off for a long time.

(Sorry for any spelling errors. This took awhile.)