#it's just that all the examples they brought up were complete shit

[freevoidman]

Not tge submissiin srender

I cant say i know of any police force or anything like it that doesn't have corruption. They are all prone to it.

But not all are as bad as in america. There are some places where the police in general are alot more trust worthy, and corruption and horrible people are dealt with better.

So in some places its not nearly as much of an issue because its not so out of control like it is in america. Its not seen as evil to become a police officer, and depending on the circumstances i guess they actually do their job properly and dont causebso much trouble.

Then theres the part where its just fantasy. Alot of people like reading about police actually being good people, whether its for the action and crime solving, or because its nice to pretend and think about how life would be if police were good. Americans take this as some sort of "pro-police propaganda" when all it is, is a fantasy.

Yeah, I'm not denying that some countries have less/handle corruption better than in America. But at the same time, making a blanket statement of "other countries don't have the same pesky problems with corruption" kind of undermines that entire point.

Like, I'm fully aware that other countries have better relationships with the police than in America. That doesn't mean that there are no other countries in which cops are not corrupt or violate human rights besides America. We see this all the time in Britain, France, and Hong Kong with their recent protests. I feel like this is a really boiled down argument of "America has some of the worst known racism in the world!" while other countries are just as racist, it's just that America is, arguably, the most vocal about said racism.

I think, no matter what media you watch, it's going to be colored by your personal experiences. That's a fundamental part of critical thinking when watching shows and discussing them with others. And unfortunately for others, a large (and very vocal) portion of most English-based social media websites are used by Americans, whose experiences are 1) they live in a country where cops regularly abuse their authority and 2) the media in their country depict human rights violations as a good thing, so long as a Good Cop is doing it. Even "fantasy" media in the US about "what if cops were fun and quirky" still has them depicting rights violations as a good thing (ie Brooklyn 99), so USAmericans are primed to watch any media with police involved and have a biased stance (which can be stupid, especially when they apply US-specific laws to non-US shows, that's something even I'm not cool with).

With all of that being said, I don't think that all media ever has to depict things "realistically." You can absolutely watch fun cops shows that indulge in that fantasy of "what if cops were Good, Actually" and separate that from reality. This isn't a perfect 1:1 match here, but I don't watch Tokyo Mew Mew and think Ichigo should sue Ryou and the Mew Project for altering her DNA without her permission, which is a massive violation of her autonomy because... it's a magical girl anime. Similarly, though I talk about RWBY and all the various crimes the main protagonists commit, I defend Ironwood and his military in that show because they actually do stuff right until the writers did a heel turn in V8 in order to make Ironwood look like he's insane and lost his mind. However, those ideas of Cops/Government Being Shitty still exist and can be discussed, though there wouldn't be much to gain from beating a dead horse.

Long, dumb rant aside, I think you can totally watch any country's version of a cop show and have fun with it. You can also complain about others taking media too seriously, so long as you aren't a massive asshole to others about it. My problem with the submitter's points were based on the premise "these things don't happen outside of America" which is just completely untrue, and it derails the entire argument as a result.

[serene-destruction]

(Platonic) Reactions To Finding Out You're In Hell For Killing Your Abuser [Angel, Lucifer, Alastor, Vox]

TW: Mentions of childhood sexual abuse | Cannon typical violence | Mentions of suicide

A/n: this one is really dark so reader discretion is greatly advised. Read at your own risk.

Word Count: 4.5k

Angel Dust

You and Angel Dust likely met at the hotel. You were a newer resident of hell that just so happened to be spotted by Charlie and taken in after wondering the streets.

He didn't take to you right away, considering he had his own issues to deal with. Not to mention that you were such a goody two shoes that it kinda made him feel even worse about himself. Despite his name he knew he was far from any angel and your presence only exemplified that.

By all accounts you seemed to save your shit together. A drug free, pure and kind person, through and through. You never faltered. So it takes a while for him to even stand being in your presence, longer to actually try and talk with you. He hates that he doesn't find something to hate about you. Just so damn perfect.

He should have known better, truthfully. No one gets sent to hell off a whim, there were reasons. He was just so blinded by your purity at first that he doesn't see it. He isn't the only one, either. Charlie would be the first to use you as an example of purity.

But all the same the two of you do end up getting close to each other. You may be a bit straight-laced for his taste, but he can't help but grow attached. You're a good kid, you really don't deserve to be here.

It only takes one night for his perceptions of you to shatter

It started with one of Charlie's trust games. You were all meant to share what sins brought you down here. In a place like hell that wasn't usually a very taboo subject. Murder, drugs, sex, Angel's heard it all. But despite that assurance you wanted absolutely nothing to do with the exercise. You had locked yourself in your room, refusing to participate. So while the others went on ahead Angel decided he'd talk to you.

“Kid! C’mon, it can't be that bad!”

“I don't want to!” You were adamant. He should have known it right then

“Kid…look, can ya at least let me in? I'm tired of yelling through the door!” He pleaded and, to his surprise, you did. Your eyes avoided him completely as you allowed him to step in the room. Even when the two of you sat down on your bed you didn't budge. You looked almost as terrified as the first day you came here.

“Look, I get that admittin’ what you done can be a bit…embarrassin’ sometimes,” he's tries to calm you.

“But none of us are perfect and you ain't any different. Hell, it might even be good for you” his attempt at comfort didn't seem to be working. In fact he might have made it worse, given how you turned further away from him.

“It’s not just because it's embarrassing! I- I just don't want to tell everyone!” you answer through a tightening voice. There's a pause as Angel considers your words before he speaks again.

“Then you don't gotta tell everyone. You can just tell me” He was surprised when the offer had you turning back to him, though your discomfort was still evident. You didn't say anything at first but eventually you found the words.

“...Promise you won't tell anybody?” he fought the urge to roll his eyes. He was sure you were being overdramatic. You probably told a little lie that got out of control or accidentally kicked a puppy or-

“Promise” he answered anyway.

And so you told him

“I…I was tired of him touching me” Angel’s stomach immediately drops at just those few words. All of his previous downplaying caused an explosion of guilt within him.

“He was always touching. Every day since I was little. Every time he was over, every time I was alone. I couldn't- I…I just wanted it to be over”

He knew where this was going.

“I-I snapped. I just couldn't take it anymore. Eighteen fucking years” your voice is a mix of rage and pain, a sound he didn't think you capable of until now.

“I'd never been so angry. I didn't- I didn't know what I was doing until it was over. There was blood everywhere- I killed him and…and I couldn't live with myself. I'd never done something like that before! I'd never hurt anyone! I couldn't live with that- I couldn't-”

Before you can spiral any further you feel Angels hand land on yours. With slow, purposeful movements he pulled you into his arms. You freeze for a moment, caught entirely off guard by the sudden comfort. He was careful not to hold you too tight and keep his breaths steady. Keep himself predictable.

“S’okay kid…You didn't do a damn thing wrong” his whispered words break through your shock, melting you into a pile of sobs in his arms, gripping onto him like your very soul depended on it.

After that night the two of you quickly become known for your fierce protectiveness over each other. Angel swears that if he ever sees the bastard he'll rip him a new asshole before shoving a spike in it.

Lucifer Morningstar

You were one of many assistants to Lucifer, helping him with the many tasks he doesn't ever keep up with as the king of hell. You are most likely ignored and/or forgotten about for a while. He is far too, uh…busy for remembering much of anything, let alone names and job titles.

However you do manage to catch his eyes when he finally notices your apparent lack of any sort of social life in hell. Unlike the others he has working for him who seem all too happy to indulge in hells many depraved luxuries, you aren't one of them.

It triggers his curiosity, so he starts to remember your name and even manages to strike up conversations with you that don't sound like he's desperately trying to remember who he's even talking to.

You begin to be the first person he goes to when he needs something done and in turn you go to him when you need something as well. It's never anything too much, he notices. Always just small tasks that take him almost no effort at all. But you seem to beam at even the smallest kindness.

But then there is that ill-fated night…

It was late and you were still hard at work in your office.

Or at least you would have been, if you didn't feel like the weight of everything was weighing down on you as you stared down the two items Lucifer had left for you. A small note and a tiny rubber duck. You kept re-reading the note over and over again.

‘You're a good kid, Y/n. Keep it up’

The small gesture had formed a sickening guilt in you. You were the farthest thing from good. What you had done rightfully landed you in the shithole you belonged in. You didn't deserve his kindness, let alone his care. You felt so guilty for ever allowing him to think that you-

A knock at your door has you quickly wiping away your tears. Before you can say anything he opens it, his wide smile falling immediately.

“Oh no, what-” he pauses when he sees the death grip you have on the rubber duck he'd gifted, your eyes unable to even glance at him. He gives a nervous laugh at that. It sounds more worried than anything.

“You uh- don't like the gift, I take it?” At that your head whips to look at him, an attempt to calm your nerves written all over your face.

“No! No that's not-…no” your frantic words die down quickly as you quickly turn away again, unable to look the man in the eyes. There is a long silence that feels almost like an eternity passing. Then, to your complete surprise, he slowly pulls up a chair next to you, his eyes not turning from you for even a moment.

“Do you…maybe wanna talk about what it is then?” His voice is disarming, a mix of poorly feigned calm and genuine concern. It frightens you how quickly he makes you want to spill your guts.

“It's- I’m not-” You pause, trying to collect your words. You know then that you can't bear to tell him anything but the truth.

“I don't deserve this” you gesture to the toy and his letter. He doesn't seem to understand.

“You? Y/n, you're practically the only reason I get any work done around here! The least I can do is this, truly. Why wouldn't you deserve it?” His tone is full of disbelief, almost entirely sure that you must be avoiding telling him the entire truth.

“Because it isn't true” the bluntness of your words catches him off guard.

“I killed him and…and it felt good when I did it. It felt good to hurt him like he hurt me, it felt good being in control. It didn't feel bad when I put that knife through his throat, It didn't feel bad when I finally got him to stop touching me. It didn't…until it was over” the tears that had brimmed at your eyes fell like rivers, your attempts to wipe them away fruitless. You didn't dare look him in the eye, even as you continued.

“There was so much blood. I…I didn't know what to do. I- I didn't mean- no, no I did. But I just couldn't live with it. I couldn't live knowing that I killed him and that all I could think about was that he'd never touch me again! I couldn't-!” your words are cut off by the feeling of arms wrapping around you. For a moment you freeze, confused and horrified by the action, that is until the comfort of it seeps into you, knowing that the hands that held you now meant no harm. After that you sobbed into him.

Only once you'd calmed your sobs to hiccups and your grip loosened did he finally pull away. But he didn't go far and his eyes looked at you with nothing but pure concern.

“You listen to me, okay? I would never hold that against you. I couldn't if I tried. You did what you had to and I trust that you did it for the right reasons” his words of forgiveness strike through you, hitting you directly in your wounded heart. Never before had you believed anyone could look so kindly upon you knowing what you'd done.

After that day Lucifer had become quite father-like to you, treating you just like he would his own kid. You practically become an honorary Morningstar.

Alastor

You and Alastor have an…interesting relationship. the two of you very likely met at the hotel, considering he wouldn't have given you a second glance otherwise. You were, after all, just one of the many other souls, and not an impressive one at that. Meek, young and weak.

It takes a long while for Alastor to warm up to you, most likely because you avoid him at all cost. You learn quickly that Alastor doesn't like being avoided like that when he begins to follow you around.

It's through conversation that he grows interested in you. When you aren't blinded by your fear he's actually a great conversationalist, especially when he's alone with you. It seems almost like he drops a bit of his guard as well, something you explain away as you being of zero threat to him. The two of you often talk of your plans for the day and whatever latest idea Charlie has conjured. Small talk, for the most part. Never anything personal

Which is why you are so caught off guard when he asks the truthfully inevitable question.

It was a usual calm morning in the hotel kitchen. A bit of smooth jazz played from an old radio, the coffee machine churned, the constant static from Alastor flowed through the room and the sound of idle chit-chat passed between the two of you. Besides the fact that no one else joined the two of you, it all seemed relatively normal.

“I must say, for someone in Hell you have quite the kind heart, my dear. One might even ask how you managed to get yourself down here” Alastors words cause your heart to sink almost immediately. Your body tenses, your breathing catching for just a moment. You make sure to keep your eyes on the coffee pot and manage to give him a halfhearted laugh. But you know the moment he goes quiet for just that second too long that he noticed.

“How did you end up down here, if you don't mind telling me?” You feel your tongue go dry, your jaw clench, your entire being beg to leave this conversation. But you knew there wasn't a chance in all of Hell that you'd get out of this. If he didn't get an answer now he'd be sure to get one later.

“I uh…” you start, nausea threatening to crawl in.

“I don't know” you try to answer, hoping beyond hope that it would satisfy him.

It did not.

“Now now, one mustn't feel the need to lie to friends. I assure you I've seen worse than whatever it is you managed to do!” You pause at his words, finally turning over your shoulder to look at him.

“We’re…friends?” You ask, surprised to see him look almost just as confused by your words.

“Why of course! The both of us have quite nice talks with one another, why wouldn't we be?” He seems so confident as he speaks. Despite how skeptical you've been ever since meeting him, you can't help but feel that he might genuinely be growing on you. Fuck, you might even trust the guy. Not with your soul, mind you, but you were sure at least your words would be safe with him.

“Out with it then, what got you sent down to this lovely pit of fire and brimstone?” his tone is jovial and light, not taking this nearly as seriously as you felt he should be. You were weirded out when it actually helped you calm down a little.

“Well…” should you tell him? Would he even care? Would he blink an eye at your suffering? Would he laugh at you? All the possibilities ran through your head at once.

When you finally turned to face him he gave you an expectant look, fully anticipating an answer from you. So you took a deep breath and turned your head to gaze at a nearby wall before beginning.

“My uncle, he um…well he didn't really know how to keep his hands to himself. Ever since I first met the man he wouldn't keep his damn hands off me. Then mom died and I had to live with him and…” you pause a moment, trying to keep yourself together. With a deep breath you continued.

“He never stopped touching me. No one believed me, no one did anything. Not when I was eight, or ten, or fifteen. Not after either. I was just alone with him. Every day of every month of every year…until I couldn't take it anymore” your voice was quiet now, just above a whisper to keep it from shaking.

“I was cooking dinner when he came behind me and-…I snapped and…well I'm not really sure. I just remember being covered in blood and knowing that no one would believe me. So I did what I thought was the only thing I could do. Next thing I knew I found out I had been damned for all eternity” you hugged yourself in an attempt at comfort that wasn't working. You managed, by the smallest effort, to keep your tears in and your breath steady, but you knew you'd break at any moment. When you turned to him, his smile still plastered and staring blankly at you, you thought you just might have done so then. So you quickly turned back around to save yourself the embarrassment.

“But yeah. Pretty sure that's why I'm here-”

“That was quite brave of you” his words shock you still enough that you might have even felt your heart stop. Your head snaps back to him in an instant, unsure if you'd heard him right. He's standing now, smile just a little less wide and leaning on his cane. If you didn't know any better you might have mistaken it for a look of uncanny care.

“What?” You whisper the word. He stands a little taller at that.

“When the world stops caring then one must simply make it. Very few do so, and so I applaud your effort in taking fate into your own hands” he is serious, almost deathly so. His words aren’t what you expected, but they are actually some of the most comforting you'd ever heard. Not only because he believed you, but because he truly believed you'd done the right thing.

“...Thank you” his smile widens again and you catch how ever so slightly bigger his antlers have gotten and the small flicks of green that seem to only show in your peripheral. You choose not to say anything about it.

“Of course! Now I simply must be on my way! There is much to do and so little time. Have a pleasant rest of your morning!” he was out the door before you even realized he was leaving. You would have said goodbye yourself if you didn't know he was already gone. And without his coffee too!

After this little incident Alastor seems almost tied at your hip. You are warned time and time again not to get too close to him but after the way he took the news of your sin you honestly don't think you could push him away. He was the first person you'd ever told in Hell, the first person to ever believe you. And given how keen he is on keeping you safe both in and out of the hotel you are quite happy to call him a friend.

Vox

The only way you'd be able to get even a second glance from Vox is if you worked for him and, let's be real, he couldn't have given less of a shit about you when he first met you. You were one out of thousands that worked on his many, many projects. You were lucky if he ever even read your name, let alone remembered it.

It takes quite the circumstance for him to notice you and it's likely only because of very selfish reasons. Maybe he picks you out of the crowd as a gag at first. The big CEO talking to this meek little low life, giving them a glance at something they'll never achieve.

But Vox has a way of getting attached to the strangest things sometimes and you end up being among them. Maybe it's the way you go along with whatever he's saying, playing to his ego. Maybe it's the way he knows you don't mean a single word and he feels he has to prove himself. Or maybe he just liked having a bit of a babyface around to impress. Either way, he ends up kind of taking you in.

You become a sort of protege to Vox as he teaches you all about his company and how to run it; mostly so he can hand you the tasks of the day that he doesn't feel like handling. You're a secretary of sorts. He does, however, try to keep a distance between you and the other V’s. Mostly because he knows they can be a bit much and he doesn't want to scare you off just yet.

But it's inevitable that you would meet them someday. And, as he expected, the first meeting didn't go very well.

You and Vox were on your way down the hall in the middle of idle conversation that was mostly work related. You liked having these conversations with him, mostly because he always seemed so pleased when you'd give him an idea he liked or a change he'd consider. You felt useful in a way you hadn't really ever felt before-

“My my, if it isn't Vox and his new little pet” the voice speaks behind you and both you and Vox turn to see who it is. You are set on edge when Vox gets suddenly nervous.

“Val! I thought you had work down in the studio today?” Vox’s voice booms in the way you know he only does when he's trying to keep his cool. You make sure to stand a little closer to him when Val walks up to the two of you.

“You've been hiding from me, love. So I figured I'd pay a visit. Good thing too” the moth man leans down to you so close you feel your entire being beg to disappear.

“I wouldn’t have met the darling that's been keeping Voxy so occupied. Cosita bonita” he looks down at you, his smile alone sending a cold shiver up your spine. He grabs your hand and instead of doing anything normal like shaking or kissing it, he instead begins to lick up your arm.

“Rumor has it your little fall from grace betrays how sweet as you look” Horrified and feeling very familiar fear consume your being, you freeze up. Luckily, and rather surprisingly, Vox very quickly pulls him away from you.

“Alright, alright that's enough of that!” his tone is that of a light reprimand, though the swirls in his eyes betray him. He effortlessly spins the moth man around in something similar to a dance, ending with the two of them facing away from you. Whispered words are exchanged, Val glancing back at you for only a moment afterwards before walking off with no complaint.

Vox straightens his suit, his performative smile falling for a moment before turning back to you.

“Let's get back on our way” he beckons you as he continues to walk. You follow along, compliant as ever. He leads you to an elevator where the two of you get in and he clicks whatever floor he'd decided he had work on. You think everything is relatively normal until, with a wave of his hand, the elevator stops.

“What did he mean?” The question confuses you.

“...about what?” You ask, unsure what he was getting at. He turns to you.

“About your ‘fall from grace', what was he getting at?” the realization dawns on you the same way acid would drip into an old wound. There was really only one thing that could mean and the fact that a man you'd never met knew enough to mention it made you sick to your stomach.

“Kid?” He calls to you and it's only then you notice tears build in your eyes. You quickly blink them away before making sure to avoid looking in his general direction.

“I…don't know” you tried, very unconvincingly, to feign ignorance. Unfortunately that didn't go over well with him.

“I don't think I've met a worse liar in the entirety of Hell than you” he states plainly and you can't help but agree. You hadn't really ever had practice in the field. Yet even with his call on your bullshit you chose to stay silent.

“Look, If Val knows then chances are I'm finding out anyway. He's not exactly great at keeping his mouth shut” he tries to convince an answer out of you but his words only make it worse. You didn't want that creep to know in the first place! But, being ever so horrible at keeping such a cold front up, you break under his gaze.

“It’s why I'm in Hell” you start off vague and you notice how he leans in just a bit closer.

“Seriously? That's what's got you upset? What, was it embarrassing? Because believe me, I'm sure I've heard worse” he was really trying to sell you that notion, what with the wide smile and undivided attention, but you couldn't help the nagging voice that told you he wouldn't believe you.

But still, you assumed it better he heard it from you than Val. After all, you and Vox were pretty close at this point. If there was anyone that you'd tell, it would be him.

“No it's- well it is embarrassing, but-” you stammer a moment, trying to find the right way to say it. Soon enough you fix your eyes on the metal doors and just spill.

“I had an uncle. I lived with him for a while, most of my human life really. And he uh…I was just a kid at the time and he- he couldn't keep his hands to himself. Just kept…touching me. For years” the way the information pours out of you is forced. Like you have to pry it from your own mind and shove it out your throat. But there was no point stopping now.

“And then I just couldn't take it anymore. I don't even really know what happened. One second I was cooking dinner and the next he came behind me and…and then everything was bloody and…” you trail for a moment, your mind brought back to that horrific memory. Without a thought you finally turn to Vox.

He looks completely deflated, stripped of that egocentric smile of his and leaving nothing but a shocked still expression in its place. His mouth hangs slightly open as if to say something, but no words come. You feel your tears sting your eyes at the sight.

“No one believed me when I told them what he was doing, no one believed me when I told them for how long. So I knew when I killed him it would just be the same. That they'd make him a martyr and I'd be the villain and- and I couldn't deal with that! I- I didn't want to live through that again!” your voice raises at the end, voice pleading to be listened to, to be believed. Fuck, even just heard.

You get what you ask for with his stunned silence and tense posture. After a moment though you can't help but feel like you want to take your words back, his silence disturbing you greatly.

Just as you're about to ask him to forget what he'd heard, to pretend like you hadn't ever said anything and move on like normal, his hands reach slowly for you. The movement confuses you so greatly that you don't even think to stop him when he silently pulls you into him. You stand rigid for a long moment before, bit by bit, melting into sobs. He holds you tighter in the silence of the elevator and you can't help but grip onto him like your afterlife depended on it.

It's after this that Vox becomes fiercely protective of you. It's incredibly strange for everyone, including yourself. He is adamant that it's just because you know so much about his company, that it's all purely business. But when you think back to that day in the elevator you can't help but believe that he might just actually care about you.

[springcourtrose]

Please, stop... | Part 1

Pairing: Helion x reader (x Nessian)

Warnings: abusive relationship and descriptions of SA - MINORS DNI

Prompt: you’re Nesta and Cassian’s mate and yet you are so different from them. From day 1 you tried to be a good mate and do as they wanted and liked but they like it rough and you just don’t. Not only is it not enjoyable for you it is actually painful. And not just in bed. You always excused their behavior as being overprotective but recently you started calling it something else: controlling. And one night, all changed as you uttered the words you had tried so hard never to say, but always thinking if you ever did they would listen. But they didn’t. And that night, everything broke.

(A/N: it's my first time writing for ACOTAR - English isn't my first language)

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Please, stop.

You couldn't remember exactly how many times you had said it. It hadn't mattered. You weren't sure if they just didn't hear you or didn't care. You couldn't bring yourself to think they had just ignored it, ignored you. But you didn't know if the alternative was better. Maybe they just didn't care.

You cried and Nesta called you a brat. You asked them to stop the first time and Cassian shoved his large cock down your throat to shut you up.

You had almost passed out then. Not because of the way you were choking on his hard length but because you had asked them to stop and they hadn't listened. They had ignored you. They had kept going.

You were crying and begging and it just didn't register. Like it didn't matter. Like you didn't matter. All that mattered was them and their pleasure.

They had gone to bed after they were done, leaving you to care for yourself. And it was then, when you were sitting in that cold bath alone, that you realized. Your mates didn't love you. They loved each other, but you were nothing more than a sex toy to them. You who had tried so hard to be a good mate. Nesta had called you a brat and a bad girl. You who had tried so hard to please them and give them whatever they wanted. It hadn't mattered. They would have taken it anyway, no matter what you wanted.

Your heart broke. You wondered if they felt it through the bond. They didn't stir from their sleep.

You silently exited the bath and put on clean clothes. You packed lightly and quietly and didn't look back at your mates before stepping out of the bedroom.

You went to Azriel, because you really didn't have any other choice. Azriel never asked too many questions. It was as much a quality as it was a flaw. That first time he saw your bruised neck for example, he didn't say a thing. Nor did he mention it the second time, or inquire after your well being the third time. He never asked. Because it wasn't his business. But Mor never mentioned it either. Neither did Feyre or Rhys. Your friends, your family. They all had seen it at one point or another. The bruises. The look in your eyes. The flinching when either of your mate raised their voices or got anywhere close to you.

Nesta and Cassian like it rough. That was the end of it.

Azriel brought a dagger to your throat as you approached him. That didn't surprise you. You apologized for waking him up and asked him if he could do you a favor, no questions asked. You weren't sure he would. His loyalties would remain with Cassian. But, maybe it was the look in your eyes, maybe it was the tears, maybe it was the bruises, or the sound of your broken and desperate voice, but when you asked him to bring you to the Day Court in the middle of the night, he had just looked at you and your packed bag for a few seconds, then silently nodded.

Helion wasn't mad you had his guards wake him up at 2AM. No, Helion was concerned. Even more so when he saw you. You knew you probably looked exactly like you felt. Like complete and utter shit.

Helion had always been nice to you. What was there not to like? You were smart, gentle, caring and beautiful. You had similar interests and powers and had become good friends while doing some research with his healers when you were looking for a way to help Feyre when she was pregnant with Nyx.

Helion had become a true friend. The only one you had left after Nesta and Cassian had restricted your outings so much your old friends had more or less forgotten about you.

Helion made you feel safe. You had nowhere else to go.

He opened his mouth, but you spoke first.

"I request asylum."

Both males stilled. Your small and weak voice broke as you said the words but they had heard you loud and clear. You had never seen Azriel so surprise. You wondered if he would try and take you back to the Night Court by force.

"What?" was all Helion managed to say.

"I ask for refuge in your court, please," you said, voice trembling, tears filling your eyes.

"What happened?" he asked, hurrying towards you, checking you for any injury, eyeing you from head to toe, noticing the bruises on your face and neck.

"Please," you begged, falling apart, your knees giving up on you as you collapsed at his feet.

He knelt before you, taking you in his arms.

"What happened?" he asked again, but not to you.

Azriel's face was grave. He knew exactly what had happened. You'd had enough. You'd reached your breaking point. Like he knew this would happen. And yet he had done nothing.

You were sobbing in the High Lord's arms and he embraced you gently, running a hand up and down your back.

"Please," your voice nothing but a whisper. "I request asylum."

Helion's eyes landed on Azriel once more and the High Lord's silence had you panic.

"Please!"

"Granted," he said and you fell apart once more.

You buried your face in his lap, letting your cries and tears flow out of you. Helion looked at Azriel like he would tear him apart, as if he were the one who had hurt you.

"Y/N is now under the protection of my court. Inform your High Lord as soon as possible."

Azriel paused, as if considering not leaving you here, no doubt thinking about his brother, your mate. But, eventually, he nodded.

"Take care of her," was all he said before he vanished.

And as the spymaster disappeared, leaving you behind, your broken cries filled the halls of the Day Court.

[hazelchooseme]

feelings are difficult | Hazel Callahan

Warning: mention of blood.

English is not my first language.

Song recommendation: You Can't Catch Me Now by Olivia Rodrigo.

Enjoy 💋

"Are you telling me you've been obsessing over a girl you've never kissed?"

"You were obsessed with Brittany and you had never kissed her." Josie reminded her.

"So? In the end I ended up doing it."

"Who says I can never kiss her?"

"Me, look at your state, you're pathetic."

Hazel threw herself back onto the bed, she did feel quite pathetic, she couldn't deny that to PJ.

"Don't listen to her, we will help you." Josie told her as she threw a stuffed animal into the air and caught it.

"How?" She put an arm over her eyes, blocking the light and her misery.

"You're talking to experts."

"The only woman you kissed turned out to be straight."

"Not the point!"

"I don't think you should plan these things Hazel, I didn't plan anything with Isabel and it worked out perfectly."

"That's because it was obvious that she drooled over you." Hazel sat cross-legged and placed a cushion between her arms. "I have no idea if she even knows that I sit behind her in class."

"You have to be spontaneous," PJ decided. "And we'll help you plan every step and word."

"That's the opposite of spontaneous."

Ignoring Josie, the brunette began to move around the room trying to organize her thoughts. "We have to find out something about her, if she is dating someone for example, to take her away from that person."

"What?! No, we won't do that, if she's dating someone I'll back off."

"Fine, " She complained rolling her eyes. "But to find out that you have to talk to her and I don't know how you'll do it without shitting yourself."

"Jeez, have some faith in me."

"Faith is not going to make her fuck you, you have to force it."

"I never talked about fucking anyone."

"You're not thinking big."

"PJ." Josie said in a threatening tone to get her to stop.

"Okay okay, just, tomorrow try to figure that out and then we'll see what we do."

With a sound of agreement, they accepted.

Hazel watched you from her position.

God, she thought, the back of her head is so pretty.

She knew she had to pay attention, but honestly counting how many of your hairs moved because of the small breeze in the classroom was more interesting. And she also knew she had to find out about your love status, but the idea of ​​how to do it was torturing her. Did she touch your shoulder to make you turn around? What happens if you don't turn around? Would you think she was a weirdo who liked to touch people's shoulders without their consent? What if you turned around but were upset by the interruption? What if you found the question strange or too personal? What happens if you hit her with the case for being so nosy?

She was so lost in her thoughts that the only thing that brought her out of it was a ball of paper landing on her head. Frowning she turned to see who had thrown it, PJ and Josie were quickly pointing something in front of her while they yelled "in front of you" silently but in an eager manner.

Annoyed by the blow, she turned to see how much they were aiming, as soon as she turned her head she met your eyes and an apologetic smile. You pulled back a little worried by the angry look in Hazel's eyes.

"Sorry, I was calling you but you didn't answer me, I didn't mean for them to do that."

Changing her expression from anger to one of poorly concealed panic, she cleared her throat. "Yes, don't worry, everything's fine, I'm not upset with you at all, I'm fine. Super good, very calm. Do you need anything?" She finished desperately to shut up.

"Riiight. Amm, the other day I noticed you lent some highlighters to Josie, I was wondering if you could lend me one."

The other day I noticed you lent some highlighters to Josie. The other day I noticed you. I noticed you. I. Noticed. You.

"Did you notice me?" She asked completely surprised, mouth open and all.

“Well, " You giggled nervously. "Not in a creepy way, just like when you're looking around with your eyes and suddenly you see something and you say "wow" and it stays in your head for some reason , and then you remember it for some other reason? Just like that."

Hazel nodded without saying anything and handed you her case.

"You're not going to need it? I just need the pink one." You clarified in case she misunderstood. She looked at you without moving, and you were pretty sure without blinking too, that you had to talk to her again. "Hazel?"

"Shit, right." She began to rummage through the inside of her case in a hurry and then handed you the pink highlighter.

"Thank you." You took it with a smile, brushing her fingers, and turned around.

Hazel raised the hand you had touched, feeling like she was going to cry. She had decided, at the end of class she was going to ask you.

Ringing the bell, she quickly put her things away but stood next to her table waiting for you to finish, when you slung your backpack over your shoulder she called your name taking a step forward, when you turned to see her she took it back.

"Yeah?"

"Amm, I wanted to ask you something, of course, you can answer only if you want."

"Yeah, sure. What happened?"

Your smile was so hard for her to look at that she looked around the classroom, there was no one left but she could almost feel Josie and PJ behind the door.

How did she formulate it? Was she direct or did she go around the bush? Would you get angry? Would you read her intentions?

What word did she use? Man? Young man? Boy? Why was it so difficult?

"Hazel?"

"Do you like penis?"

"What?!" You asked scandalized.

"No wait!" This couldn't be happening to her. "I mean if you're dating a man, a boy, gentleman, I mean not a gentleman but a, a man." She let out her exhale slowly, not wanting you to notice her nervousness.

"Aaah," You said after a while. "I'm not attracted to men, and I'm single, if that's what you wanted to ask."

"Aaah, okay. Perfect, thank you, bye."

"But..." But you couldn't finish your sentence as she ran off, you heard a lot of footsteps walking away so you just smiled with red cheeks. Silly Hazel.

"Okay, we've got that out of the way, now comes the interesting part." PJ said as she threw her backpack on the floor and jumped onto the bed. "And luckily for you, it's easy."

"What is it?"

"Find the perfect moment and Boom! You grabbed her face and stuck your tongue into her larynx."

"That doesn't sound easy."

"Or hygienic." Josie added, leaning against the door.

"Just, try to find a time when she is alone and approach her, make conversation, seduce her and Bam! Into the amygdala." Josie made a sound of disgust. "What?! I suggested something closer. You don't settle for anything, jeez."

"Seduce her?"

"Yeah, you know, the basics. Make eye contact, give a light touch on the arm or shoulder, smile or laugh that is very important, opt for seductive aromas, something that makes her want to smell you up close and, most importantly, when you manage to kiss her, leave her wanting more so she comes back for you." She finished with open arms as if she had just given advice to start world peace.

"I definitely won't be able to do it."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I've never done it before."

"Exactly, so how do you know?"

"Today I asked her if she liked penises for God's sake, like, how I'm supposed to have a normal conversation without sounding like a desperate nutcase." She said desperately, clutching her head.

"Hazel, calm down." Josie approached her and shook her by the shoulders. "You are attractive, you are intelligent and funny, she surely thinks that your stupidity is cute. If she doesn't see it, it's her problem, not yours, at least you'll rest easy knowing that you tried, okay?"

Hazel sighed and nodded. She will try, the worst that could happen is that you reject her, right?

The first opportunity appeared one day after school, outside in the parking lot Hazel noticed how you said goodbye to your friends and ran into the school, with encouragement from PJ and Josie she followed you.

She watched as you stopped in front of your locker but had a hard time opening it because your arms were full of books and papers. Cheering up, she approached.

"Need help?" She asked shaking from head to toe.

Her voice surprised you but you turned to look at her with a smile. "Hazel, what are you doing here?"

"I came to the bathroom." She said the first excuse that came to her mind.

"Aaah, okay, I won't stop you then."

"Nonono, I already went. Umm, can I help you? I washed my hands." She stupidly showed you her hands as if that would help prove her point.

Laughing, you handed her your things. "I believe you."

Free from the weight you were able to open the locker easily, one by one you placed the things in Hazel's arms inside the metal box.

Hazel watched you in silence the entire time, her arms trembling more and more free of the weight, what should she say when you're done? she couldn't just run away.

With a slam of the door you closed the locker and looked at Hazel, she looked away and you smiled. "Thank you so much, Hazel. Without you I'd probably be here until tomorrow."

Hazel laughed a little too hard at your attempt at a cheap joke.

Noticing her exaggeration, she ended up coughing and wiping her sweaty palms on her pants. "Sure, whatever you need."

You noticed that Hazel wanted to say something else so you remained silent but after a few long seconds you decided to speak to end the awkward silence. "Well, I better go." With one last smile you turned and began to walk away.

"Wait!" She screamed running after you, she stopped in front of you with her breathing quickened. "I..."

"Yes?" You tried not to sound nervous.

"I—" Seduce her, PJ's voice sounded in her head. Clearing her throat and with hands still trembling, she threw her left hand to your right shoulder. "You have nice gums." She said, deepening her voice.

"Me what?"

"You smile a lot and, and-and I've seen your gums, they're pretty, th-they look... Healthy."

"Thank you, I floss."

Hazel nodded but didn't say anything else, her hand still on your shoulder.

"Well, if that was all..." You tried to move to the side to let her arm fall but you felt a small tug on your hair, you tried harder again making the tug hurt this time, you complained and looked at your shoulder, a ring of Hazel's had gotten caught in your hair.

"Shit, sorry, let me." Hazel threw her hand at the same time as your head causing a burning pain.

"Hazel, that's not helping, stop." But it seemed like she wasn't listening to you, determined to find the solution to the problem.

You grabbed her elbow to make her stop but she kept pulling as you both lost your balance, you raised one foot thinking about stepping on her to make her stop, but just then she pulled so hard that you fell to your knees with a thump, with your eyes watering from the pain in your head and leg bones, you looked up, watching as Hazel looked at the ring with a knot of hair in it.

"I told you to stop, what's your fucking problem?" You said with a crying voice. Did it hurt you a lot? Yes, but it was more the humiliation that made you want to cry.

"I'm so so sorry. I didn't, I didn't think I-I would pull that hard."

She approached with the intention of helping you but you quickly got up on your own, generating a stabbing pain in your left knee. "Don't.... Just, just leave me alone." You pushed her hand that was stretched out towards you and as quickly as your legs would allow you, you ran away.

Hazel stood there watching you leave, wanting to dig a hole in the floor and bury herself in it.

Hazel had to put up with PJ's teasing and Josie's attempts at encouragement for the entire week that followed, you didn't make eye contact or talk to her the entire time, it almost felt like you had never exchanged a word. Hazel wanted to apologize again but she was afraid of your reaction, she almost made you cry the last time, for God's sake, that was reason enough for her to want to take all her things and move to another continent.

And so another week passed, her looking at you with desolation and you ignoring her as much as you could. One day during one of the breaks PJ pointed at you and when Haz turned to look at you she saw you very smiling with a girl with long blonde hair, very tall and with a quite feminine style. As always, she thought you looked beautiful smiling but this time it was accompanied by a pang in her stomach, the blonde girl touched your arm while laughing at something you had said, Hazel forced herself to turn her gaze and walked away from the place with clenched teeth. Was that the type of girl you were attracted to? She didn't look like that at all.

That afternoon she decided to take out her anger at the fight club, unfortunately she was paired with Sylvie, who wouldn't take her shit and she left her lying on the floor, bleeding from her nose. Assuring the others that she was fine and could go alone, she headed to the bathroom with a cloth pressed around her face, she knew that at this time there weren't going to be people in the hallways, so that calmed her down a little. When she finished cleaning herself, she would clean up the blood that fell on the floor.

She pushed the bathroom door with her foot and stood on a sink, the water falling red against the ceramic cleaning her nose, mouth and chin, she drank water and then spit it out to clean the blood that had fallen on it, looking in the mirror, she showed her teeth and nodded in affirmation when she saw them clean. She lowered her head to continue cleaning herself.

She was so busy making sure she cleaned herself that she didn't hear the door open or footsteps approaching, but she did hear a tone of voice that dripped with concern.

"Hazel?"

No, it couldn't be. Not you, not now.

Pretending that she hadn't heard, she continued throwing water in her face, thinking that you would get bored and leave. That obviously didn't happen and you stood behind her, Hazel wondering if it was possible to drown in a sink.

"Hazel, I asked if you were okay, what happened? Why are you bleeding so much?" You demanded with worry attacking your body.

The blue-eyed girl closed the tap and without raising her head answered you. "Fight club, I'm fine." Her tone of voice wasn't angry, but it was clear that she didn't feel like having a conversation.

You took her arm and turned her around slowly, the only thing you saw was her wet face and her slightly red nose, you sighed in relief and with the sleeve of your sweatshirt you began to dry her face with small touches. Her lower back was leaning against the sink and her gaze was still not looking at you.

"Does anything hurt?" You asked, worried. She shook her head a little hard causing blood to fall again."Shit, wait. Here."

You opened a door to sit her in a toilet, when she was settled you ran to look for paper, luckily there was some in the place that day. On the way back you knelt in front of her and pressed the paper to her nose, she tried to take it herself but you pushed her hand away so you could.

"You're going to get blood on yourself."

"I don't care, don't talk." Obediently she complied, you bit back a smile.

Seeing that the blood did not stop, you got up and with your fingers, gently, lifted her chin so that the blood would stop falling. After about 5 minutes and a lot of paper changing, the bleeding seemed to have stopped. You knelt down again with a sigh, happy to have helped her, but even after the moment you noticed that she still didn't look at you or speak to you.

"Everything okay, Haze?" You asked putting your hands on her knees. "The blood has stopped, you're okay." You smiled at her and finally, her beautiful blue eyes landed on yours.

You had called her Haze and your hands were touching her, this was too much, too much for her to bear. She was watching you and you were all smiles and kindness and sensitivity and beauty and you just called her a nickname and you were just watching her after taking such delicate care of her. God, she was going to explode.

She called your name and you moved a little closer, just because, because the space was small and because you needed her close to you, now more than ever.

"Yes, Haze?"

There it was, that nickname that sounded perfect on your lips. Your hands slid a little higher, resting on her thighs, her breath hitched in her throat and her eyes turned black for a second, your blood ran in your ears and you began to shake with anticipation, your throat became dry and you had to lick your lips so that the air could return to your lungs. That was the last straw for Hazel, so she went for it. She rushed forward, aiming for your lips, or that's what she was trying to do, but the only thing she achieved was that you foreheads collided and you fell on your ass to the ground.

"What the fuck, Hazel?" You asked surprised, rubbing your forehead.

"Sorry, um, I lost my balance."

"Sitting?!"

Hazel breathed out in exasperation, you two weren't going to work, not if she kept screwing up like that. This was the perfect moment, why couldn't she act like a normal person and just kiss you? Why did you make her so nervous? Why did you have that control over her?

Noticing how her breathing quickened, you stopped rubbing your forehead and raised your head to look at her. Her hands were balled into fists on her legs and her eyes were squeezed shut.

"Hey, it's okay, it doesn't hurt anymore." You said trying to take her hands, but she got up and walked around you out of the small place, imitating her you followed her.

"I... I'm sorry, okay? I tried but I failed, I pulled out a piece of your hair and now I almost gave you a bruise, just stay away from me, the last thing I want in the world is to hurt you. Again."

Seeing her intention to leave, you ran and blocked her exit. "Haze, I'm the one who should apologize. That day was an accident, you obviously didn't mean for the ring to get tangled and now, this was my fault, I shouldn't have invaded your personal space like that, seriously, I'm sorry."

You couldn't stand in front of her and put all the blame on yourself to make her feel better, you couldn't, it was killing her.

"I need to tell you something and if I don't say it now, I will never say it."

"Okay, I'll shut up."

Your eyes were expectant on her, her lips parted and she took a breath. She was about to speak when someone called your name in the hallway.

"Fuck me." You complained without trying to hide it. Hazel felt the same way.

A few seconds later the blonde girl Hazel had seen you with before, entered the place. The blue-eyed girl automatically felt small. Your gaze moved from Hazel to Olivia, you swallowed hard at what was about to happen. You had completely forgotten about her.

"Here you are, I was waiting for you outside, did you find your book?" The blonde didn't seem to read the room, so you intervened before she said too much.

"Yes, Hazel needed a little help but she's better now."

Olivia greeted Hazel and she hated herself because the girl seemed really nice, she greeted back and putting her hands in her pockets, she looked away at the wall.

"Well, shall we go then?"

"Yeah... Sure."

Olivia said goodbye and walked out of the place.

"Bye, Hazel." You gave her a small smile but she simply nodded in goodbye.

You pushed the door and with one foot outside she spoke again.

"It's... You're going on a date, right?"

Not brave enough to turn to see her, you simply made a sound of affirmation and closed the door behind you.

Her heart sank to her stomach and her head fell into her hands with a sob, she would definitely need more hours of fight club.

The next day everything felt very slow for Hazel, getting up was horrible, eating breakfast was tedious, going to class was torture, even the smile you gave her crushed her inside. It was official, she was lovesick. To make matters worse Mr G seemed to have no intention of showing up so you turned around trying to make conversation.

"Good morning, Hazel."

She sent you a forced smile and continued scratching her notebook.

"Did you have breakfast?"

She nodded.

"It seems that Mr G is running late."

She simply made a sound of affirmation.

"It's a little cold, don't you think?"

She nodded again.

"Today a dinosaur landed on the roof of my house."

She made that annoying little sound of affirmation and exhaling angrily, you stood up and left the room.

Hazel watched you go but didn't think to follow you, it was obvious that wasn't going to end well.

PJ crashed into your chair and hit Hazel in the head. "Do me a favor, nerd."

"What do you need?"

"I had to go to the office to pick up a piece of paper but the Principal Myers makes me nauseous, could you go get it, please?"

"Sure." An excuse not to be in this place was great for her, she slowly slipped through the hallways, careful not to cross paths with you. The brown doors of the office shone in the distance, when she was just a few meters away, the janitor's door opened and a hand pulled her inside.

"What the fuck, Tedd?!" Hazel shouted, trying to free herself from the other person's force.

"It's not Tedd, it's me, calm dow–ouch Hazel my arm!"

Your voice automatically made her tense and her fighting mode went off, her vision gradually darkened and she was grateful for the tiny window that was near the ceiling, otherwise nothing would be seen inside, Hazel thought about giving the janitor a light bulb.

"Haze?" Your question brought her out of her thoughts and pulling her arm free she pressed herself against the door.

"I can't talk, I'm busy"

"Looking for that PJ paper? It's pure bullshit, I asked her to give you that excuse."

"What? Why? When?"

"Yesterday I spoke to her and asked her."

"That doesn't answer why" She said defensively.

"Locking you here by force was not my plan A, Hazel! But you didn't leave me a choice, you don't look at me, not to mention you didn't even talk to me, what was I supposed to do?"

"How did your date go yesterday?" She asked out of the blue, to see if you understood why she had been so obnoxious.

You smiled and it made her wish that it had been Tedd who was here with her and not you.

"Is it considered a date, when you go with your date to the date but in the middle of the way to the date, you cancel it because it turns out that you like someone else?"

"Probably not." She managed to say quietly after a few seconds.

"That's what I thought."

Silence filled the little room.

"Then it went badly for you." She said making you laugh.

"I don't know, the realization I had was pretty good."

"Which was?"

"Why have you been acting so strange lately?" You responded with another question.

"I asked first."

"I locked you here."

"I guess that gives me reason why you should answer first."

You approach her, knocking her toes against yours and making her stick a little closer to the wall.

"Well." She began to respond with difficulty, this close she could see your eyes shining and that didn't help her cause. "It's nothing, I was just being me." She ended up muttering without even believing it herself.

"Haze, you can tell me." You said taking her hand.

In that place that reeked of disinfectant, with your hand in hers, your eyes searching for her, she managed to find the courage and strength to speak.

"I like you, too much, it's incredible how much I like you. I, I can't function properly in front of you, you, you're just too much, all the time and I love it. I'm crazy about you."

You didn't know if the heart sound was yours or Hazel's, her lips were shining and her hand squeezed yours, feeling her small tremor you squeezed it back.

"On the date I realized that it wasn't her I wanted to be with, it was you. Everything you should do on a date I want to do with you and only you." You heard her stop breathing and caressed her cheek. "In case it wasn't clear. I'm crazy about you too, Hazel."

It couldn't be. You of all people, like her? It couldn't be real, she was dreaming, it was still night and this was too good to be true.

"I have to go."

She tried to turn around but your hand next to her head, holding the door closed stopped her.

"Haze, wait."

"You don't understand, I'll end up screwing up somehow, I can't ruin this, not now."

"Hazel, you haven't screwed up anything, everything's fine."

"Yes, for now until I do something incredibly stupid that sent you to the hospital." Her hand kept trying to move the handle but your strength kept the door in place. "Shit, since when are you so strong."

"Haze, look me in the eyes, tell me you want to leave and I will."

"I can't do that, I don't want to do that."

"Then talk to me."

"What do you want me to tell you, I'm a disaster, what little have you seen of me? That's it, it doesn't get better, I'm a walking mass of stupidity, it'll take you 1 week to get sick of me and–"

Your lips landed on hers and your free hand grabbed her waist. Her words were choked as her breaths mingled and her arms fell dead beside her.

Your lips were on hers. Her lips were on yours. And it was better than any fantasy she had ever had.

You buried your hand in her hair making her melt against you, one of her hands grabbed your hip pressing it against her, your leg slipped between hers, pressing her further against the wood. Although the movement of the mouth was not so hasty, the temperature of the place visibly increased, you turned your head to the side making your noses collide and you couldn't help but laugh, but Hazel's hand sliding around your neck silenced you immediately. You licked the edge of her mouth and then bit her lower lip, the sound that came from Hazel's throat made you stick your tongue where she welcomed you, sucking your tongue, her hand lowered a little, groping slowly, desperately you took it and left it on your ass where she began to squeeze, making you moan. You pulled her hair back and started licking her neck leaving little kisses and bites.

"Shit." She managed to get out moans as the hand on your neck went under your shirt and caressed your back. You bit a specific spot that made her tremble and in a heartbeat now you are with your back against the door, she took both of your hands and stuck them on top of your head while she sucked on your tongue and made you make some pretty embarrassing sounds, this time it was her mouth that began to explore outside of yours, a bite on your ear made you cry desperately for more, her tongue ran over your neck as you felt twinges where her teeth bit, you managed to free your hands and they quickly went under her shirt, you've never been so grateful for her loose t-shirts. A shiver ran through her body when one of your hands traveled to her thigh and you began to caress her crotch, her kisses calmed down as did your touches, with a strong exhale she rested her forehead against yours.

"I'm sorry." You managed to say between breaths. "I got carried away with little."

"Let yourself go as much as you want, but in a more private place."

You laughed and kissed her again, this time tasting her lips slowly, it made your heart skip a beat when you heard her moan, could your touch really make her feel so much? Trying to see how much you could do, you put your hand under her shirt and began to caress her stomach.

"Please." She begged, her mouth glued to yours as she moved her hips against yours. With the intention of continuing, you undid the button on her pants, but a few knocks on the door made you both step back and separate. The door was slammed open, the janitor looked at you from head to head. Both red and breathing heavily should have given him a clue.

"When they ring the bell I'll come to refill the cart." And saying that he closed the door again.

You watched with Hazel and could only laugh.

"I think we should definitely stop." She told you with a smile. Even in the dark you could see her messy hair and swollen lips, you approached to button her pants and took advantage of her surprise to give her one more kiss, she responded urgently but you took a step back, leaving her with her mouth open.

You fixed your hair and the collar of your sweatshirt. "After class to my house."

"Holy shit, yes."

Laughing you jammed her lips again. There was still a while until the bell was rung.

As Hazel buried her hands in your hair, she proudly thought that she was officially obsessed with a girl she had kissed.

[ms-cartoon]

I've been coming across a bunch of Hazbin spoilers and decided "screw it" and found the leaks to the full episodes. (I don't care how sensitive you leak haters are about it)

Of course, as expected, this show is already turning out to be trashy as I would expect it to be. Little retcons here and there, shitty writing, some crappy and pathetic characters who already lost whatever mojo they had back in the pilot, voice-acting is bitter as it will always be, etc.

There are a lot of issues with just these two eps, but I'm just gonna point out the ones that got my attention the most.

WARNING: THERE ARE SPOILERS/ MENTIONS OF HARRASMENT AND ALL THE 18+ BS.

-- Charlie- "Once upon a time, there was a glowing city protected by golden gates, known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of pure light. Angels that worshipped good and shielded all from evil."

I beg to differ since it's established already that angels from heaven are nothing but fakes and are evil as hell, probably proud of it. Exhibit A: Adam and Sera. Now if they were anything like Frollo (someone who believes they are doing good but are not) I might be okay with it. Like say, they only resort to extermination because they're from heaven, they feel it is their job, and they have to do it even though it's wrong. Instead, however, I assume they exterminate because they just like to do it and they're evil like that. They probably have a feeling that some sinners are still good people on the inside and just don't care.

-- Charlie: As the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power. Threatened by this,

Heaven made a truly heartless decision that every year, they would send down an army an extermination to ensure Hell and its sinners could never rise against them.

I hear with my little ear another retcon!!

In the pilot, the only reason why extermination was a thing was because of overpopulation in hell. Now they're saying heaven is exterminating sinners cuz they're threatened by the overgrowing power and they don't want to be rebelled by it?? I going to guess that they only made this change so they can force evil on heaven while making Lucifer the innocent one. This is exactly what they did with Stella in the HB series where it was brought up that things were okay between her and Stolas only for the second season to say Stella hated Stolas the whole time they were together and treated him badly just so the writers can tell us viewers that she's evil.

Is this gonna be a thing now?

-- Angel: I'll have the horniest sinners knockin these walls down to get in!

This body was made to be exploited!

Seriously, guys, this is the same pervert we're supposed to feel bad for BECAUSE he's being exploited!

And leave it to Angel to completely miss the point of this hotel. What they want is to convince sinners to REDEEM themselves. Banging them is not a way to go about it, bud!

-- My predictions about Angel being a sex joke are correct. I'm mean- they've always been correct, I'm just saying I had a feeling they were going to show it off more in the show.

-- Vaggie: "No, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to."

Angel Dust: "Well, I chose to stay here and I think it's all stupid."

No shit- The only reason why u agreed to stay is for the free rent. So don't go marking yourself as a good example.

-- I don't totally have a problem with this show being a musical as long as the timing is right. Charlie is so quick to tell Vaggie about a meeting she'll participate in and is excited about, but before Vaggie can even question it and talk to her, Charlie immediately starts singing without even hearing Vaggie out. They kinda rushed this musical number a little too quickly. Which only goes to show how fast-paced this episode is. It's always fast-pacing with these shows.

-- I have the sudden urge to jump inside this show and beat the ever-loving crap outta Angel if keeps on moaning and getting horny . . .

-- Angel continuously flirts and touches an obviously uncomfortable Husk and fans are going to look at this as "cute" while I look in annoyance and disgust. And once again, this is the same guy we're supposed to feel bad for because he has a pimp who inflicts the same actions that he does and fans will choose to ignore it.

-- Adam is practically the most irritating character in this series so far. I was right with what I said about him before. For someone who's supposed to be an angel he sure as hell doesn't act like it. The whole time he's on screen, he's just making jokes, ridiculing the hell out of Charlie, and not listening to her at all. Continuously cussing and talking about dicks??? He has the most cringiest dialogue ever and I had the urge to skip it every time he's on screen. Something tells me he and Lute should switch positions since she seems more professional.

-- Charlie: Sinners make mistakes, but everyone makes mistakes.

Charlie, I know where you're trying to get at sweetheart, but I really hope you don't include all the rapists, murderers, abusers, and pedophiles down below. Do you really think they qualify as someone who can be redeemed? If so, I would have to side with the angels here despite their antagonistic behavior. I would understand trying to rehab drug addicts, alcoholics, robbers, etc. but definitely not the former.

Now that I think about it, Charlie is kind of acting like Viv in this scenario where she tries to excuse these criminalistic behaviors most of her characters committed when they really don't deserve anything good happening to them. That's like trying to redeem Valentino for pimping and abusing Angel Dust. Do we really think Val is capable of redemption??

Sorry to burst your bubble Ms. Morningstar, but the angels are in the right here. Hell exists for a reason and people who do bad things and like to do bad things deserve to be there. I wouldn't bother trying to rehab sinners who don't deserve it or are not going to try to fix their behavior.

-- Lute: Angels don't make mistakes . . .

Then what does that say about Lucifer? He was an angel who caused some actions that you guys would count as mistakes therefore expelling him from heaven. You guys never even attempted to exterminate him yet.

-- I'm sorry, I don't like Brandon Rogers as Killjoy. It's literally just a demon version of one of his characters. It's nothing original like the pilot.

So that is what I think about the first episode. If I forget to mention something, i'll just edit the post. Won't be too long before I make some comments about the second one, but for now, the gist of everything is . . . it's bleh.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me!!

[thatlgbtqfandom]

I've watched a few interviews with the cast and crew of Good Omens and can I just say that, as someone who was a BBC's Sherlock fan back when it was still airing, it makes me so incredibly happy to finally have a show that not only doesn't queerbait (yes, the bar is in hell), but where the actors seem genuinely happy with and open about the queer direction the show is going in, and where they don't shame the fans for also being happy about this development. I just watched an interview with Michael Sheen where he, almost unprompted, brought up fanfiction and said that he thinks that it's a shame that people used to be weird about fanfiction because he thinks it's amazing and shows a love for the show. And... as someone who kind of still gets upset whenever I'm reminded of certain interviews and panels with the cast and crew of Sherlock (if you were in the fandom I'm sure you know which ones I'm talking about), this unabashed celebration of queer joy from the cast and crew of a big show like this is just something I could never have imagined as a young, queer fan!

I get that there are different circumstances, Sherlock fans could definitely be a lot sometimes, and maybe it's cruel of me to compare shows like this. But I genuinely believe that Sherlock did some actual damage to my (and many others') trust in media and in creators. It's one of the main reasons I absolutely didn't believe Our Flag Means Death would do what it did even when I was seeing it play out before my very eyes. It's why I didn't believe Crowley and Aziraphale would ever even come close to actually expressing their feelings for one another despite all of the queer subtext in season 1 and despite the cast and crew calling it a love story. Maybe all of this even added to my suspicions that they weren't going to follow through because we've all been let down time and time again.

And I'm not trying to pin the fault of queerbaiting solely on Sherlock and the team behind it - I am aware that there were many other big shows and movies that also queerbaited at the time. But out of all of those shows, I mainly watched Sherlock and it, along with the interviews with the cast and crew, were my main points of reference for what to expect regarding queer representation in (especially mainstream) media at the time. Which is why I'm mainly using Sherlock as an example of this unfortunate trend.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that with all of these shows now subverting our very, very low expectations for what kind of space queer characters and queer stories are allowed to occupy in (especially mainstream) media, I feel like my teenage self is starting to heal just a bit. But, both back then and in hindsight, I'm also completely baffled that a few shows in the late 2000s and early 2010s were able to get away with the shit they were pulling and completely ruin young, queer fans' trust in both creators and in their own media literacy.

[clownery-and-fuckery]

As promised, my commentary on Hunter.... to the people that like him, im sorry.

Spoiler warnings and the like, this is pretty negative aside from like maybe three sentences?? Feel free to leave you're own opinions on this too ofc !!! >:)

I dont like Hunter.

Actually, that's not entirely true, I liked him in TCW season 7, when he was that silly man who fucked droids around the place, took no shit, and loved his brothers. I like the Hunter who, not putting this nicely, had a personality.

This is not a dig on him as a character, it's a dig on how he was handled, writing wise

Listen, I totally get that the "rugged-man-adopts-a-star-child" trope is popular, and I do LOVE that trope, really I do- I just don't really think it was done that well here? It's bothered me since s1 of the Bad Batch, and I don't think it's going to get any better this season....

My only real problem with the writing inconsistency of Hunter being an older brother of three to "Omega this, Omega that" and while I agree childcare is SUPER difficult at the best of times, Hunter had four brothers who were equally capable of taking care of Omega, too. It just never sat right with me that taking care of her became his ENTIRE personality

Hes a soldier, who despite being completely out of his element, had a routine he strictly followed for the whole war. Yet he seemed to completely forget about that ?? Stressed or not stressed, that worn in routines and LIFELONG LESSONS should not have left his head as quickly as they seemed to.

The most obvious and frustrating example of the oversimplification of Hunter's character is with Crosshair. I cannot even BEGIN to describe my anger when it comes to Hunter and Crosshair. It mainly stems from the way he just FORGETS his brother is with the Empire. Conveniently never bringing it up unless someone else did it first.

As the oldest sibling and squad leader, I personally think Hunter should have been the one to bring him up. It should not have had to be specifically mentioned by another character for Hunter to discuss it. He loves his brothers, he loved Crosshair, broody or not, he should have brought it up AT LEAST once, imo.

We also see this complete disregard for Crosshair AGAIN in s3, now that we have seen Hunter looking for Omega and not ONCE mentioning Crosshair. Has he forgotten that they were originally going to find Crosshair??? That they never actually FOUND their brother ??????? Annoyed me so much, tbh.

What else annoyed me was the singular language he used during the whole episode. "She's part of our squad." "Hemlock took SOMEONE from us." He's completely and utterly disregarding the OTHER TWO SIBLINGS that the Empire took away from him !!!!! It genuinely frustrates me so much.

I know I'm DEFINITELY nit-picking here, but even when Hunter looked to Tech's goggles, it was in a "He should've been here to do this." Way, not a "He should be here." Way. That's his brother, who died looking for another that Hunter has forgotten.

Hunter's tunnel vision is probably one my least favourite things about the Bad Batch, if I dare even MENTION that- and I love this show. It means so much to me, but I just can't handle this particular part of it...

I have so SO much anger directed towards the treatment of Hunter by the writers. I want the Hunter who was devoted to his WHOLE family, who fought for ALL of them, who would have NEVER allowed Crosshair to leave in the first place. Give me that Hunter back.

(Saying this- I do not mind Hunter and Omega's father/daughter and brother/sister relationship !!! I do really enjoy it- in small amounts. The fact that Hunter became nearly an extention of Omega really just- threw me off his whole character, really)

I specifically pick to ignore this when I'm making anything. Hunter has been a sergeant of three idiots(named endearingly) for the entirety of the war. One child who wanders around should not have taken up 100% of Hunter's attention, ESPECIALLY when he was surrounded and supported. It just bothers me, idk

Anyway, thats my rant !!! Back to some positives soon, promise !! I just had to get this off my chest, it's been BOTHERING me.

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

❤️

Summary: You and Eddie can't stand each other. However, there is this little thing of Eddie wanting to fuck you senseless much to his chagrin.

Warnings: 18+, minors shoo! Enemies to enemies who fuck 😏

Don't copy, reuse or repost my work.

💖

Eddie couldn't stand you or your pretty smile but most of all he couldn't stand the way he wanted you so badly.

You were a goody goody teachers pet, all sweetness and light... Well except to him.

He ignores the fact that the thought of you on your knees with your mouth around his cock is the fantasy that has him fucking himself with his hand every night.

He imagines you coming done underneath him, those soft little moans that would drive him wild as he kissed every inch of your body.

Because he just can't feel this way... He just can't.

Dustin had brought you to Hellfire a few times and every time that happened fireworks would kick off between the two of you.

You got him so wound up that it took him out of his zone as Dungeon Master, that never happened and each time it annoyed the hell out of him.

Even with high school over - in which he finally graduated - he still couldn't avoid you.

Not only were you ingrained into Hellfire that he hosted weekly but you were also good friends with Robin and Steve so you were around a lot.

Take tonight for the example. It was movie night, Steve was hosting and Eddie had brought a date.

Her name was Tara and she was very cool, into the same bands as he was and gorgeous.

The thing was he couldn't take his eyes off you, you were quiet for a little while at the beginning of the night.

That's until Steve's friend Matt kept you company, joking with you, whispering in your ear and making you giggle.

Each second irked Eddie more and more, it made him tense and there was a burning feeling in his gut.

After a while Tara got fed up and left and he couldn't blame her. No, he blamed you.

💖

When movie night was over he agreed to drive Dustin back home, you lived next door so you were in the van too.

The tension was unbearable by the time he drove you and Dustin home, after Dustin went inside his house you turned into him with an irratated expression.

"What's up with you Munson?" he blinks stunned at your question and glares at you.

"Maybe it's the fact that you've been driving me crazy all night" He snaps and you frown.

"How is that exactly? I've been talking to Matt all night while you've been busy with Tara Jones" You make a face at her name and he wonders why you don't like her.

Some part of him deep down wonders if you were jealous, tries to ignore the rush of pleasure he feels that he drove you as crazy as you did to him.

"Matt is full of shit. A complete douchebag" He spits out and feels anger thrum inside him.

"What does it matter to you who I talk to or find cute?" you get out the van before he can answer and he follows you.

"It doesn't matter to me. What matters is that I could have had a nice date tonight and you ruined it" You round on him, eyes flashing and he swallows taken aback, jesus h christ you were beautiful.

Shaking himself out of these thoughts, he huffs and prepares for what you're going to say.

"My fault? How is it my fault?" all of his emotions come out at this point and he doesn't think about what he's saying, he just lets it all out.

"You drive me fucking crazy princess, I have a date with a great girl and all I can focus on is you, I couldn't take my eyes of you, had to watch you flirt with that asshole" the anger drains from your face and you move closer to him.

"Eddie...

"You're around all the time and I can't fucking stand you but the same time I want to kiss you senseless"

He finishes his rant, breathing heavily and stares at your wide eyes and stunned expression.

"You drive me crazy too you know?" you murmur and he finds himself gravitating towards you, he doesn't think, just acts and presses his lips to yours.

Your lips are so soft, they feel like heaven and he wraps his arm around your waist pulling you closer to him, pressing your body close to his.

The little moan that leaves your mouth goes straight to his cock, he backs you up against the wall and massages your thigh letting his fingers inch further up your skirt.

Lust takes over the both of you and soon your clothes are strewn on the floor as you head to the bedroom.

You love riding Eddie, the high of the orgasms leave you both seeing stars and the moans issuing around the room are sinful.

Love bites pepper your breasts and Eddie whispers in your ear as he sinks into you,

"You think that prick Matt could make you feel this good huh princess?" he coos as you whimper for his touch.

"Fuck me Eddie, please" your soft begging combined with the fact that he can't get enough of being balls deep inside you is enough to make Eddie sink into you again.

You're so tight, you feel so fucking good and he doesn't want this night to end or think about what tommorow brings.

He just wants to focus on your blissed out expression and the fact this feels like heaven.

❤️

If you'd like a part two then let me know what you want to see in it :)

[liquidorcard]

Okay, part two. Let's go girls, gays and theys, Papa Polarity ain't saved yet.

[Part 1] [Part3]

Lily Commits Elder Gay Mutant Abuse, feat. "Eldritch Lily" (Part 2)

Everything gets worse . . .

4:13: Lily mischaracterizes Charles Xavier, throws up a Martin Luthor King quote she either doesn't understand or didn't read carefully enough, going full whyte. (Never go full whyte.)

How much do I need to dignify this by explaining why this is fucking asinine? Charles is a pacifist for the most part. A recognized and respected form of activism and protest. Like, the least charitable interpretation of what Lily's trying to say here is that figures like Gahndi, Abbie Hoffman, and dear old MLK himself are posers complicit in the oppression two of them lost their fucking life to.

That quote is referring to white people passively complicit in racism that just want black people to shut the fuck up Lily-- not passive forms of activism.

You know, it's one thing to be profoundly fucking wrong about cartoons, it's an entirely different beast when you're profoundly wrong about shit like this. Absolutely fucking ghoulish.

It feels weird pivoting back to the costumed vigilantes with funky genes, but we gotta keep going. Ironically for how much Lily is focusing on the movies here-- one of my issues with the way Charles is portrayed is he keeps casually threatening people/doing shady shit and getting away with it. Makes you question why it's framed as okay when he does it and not when it's Erik. Charles isn't a saint, he shouldn't be portrayed as one, and there's a lot of thematic dissonance when the films feel the need to lampshade the shit he gets up to less he lose the moral high ground.

4:50: OH HERE WE GO.

5:00: Lily goes on a long rant about the "activists who GO TOO FAR" trope in media.

I technically agree with her, but I can tell by the examples she's giving that she's parroting things Hbomberguy said in his RWBY video, just in a less charitable tone. So, really I agree with Hbomberguy.

She's not wrong that the BoM and Magneto sometimes wanders into this territory (I mean, they were originally 'The Brotherhood of Evil Mutant' and all that) unfortunately, but she hasn't supported that position at all. I have to assume she's heard this brought up somewhere else, this isn't exactly a unique take by any means. I doubt she's actually familiar enough with the content to create an original cohesive argument.

Lily doesn't like moral ambiguity in her media. That would be fine if she wasn't this butthurt that other people feel very differently.

6:05: "And yes, you knew we were getting to it! [ . . .] Almost all of Legend of Korras main villians start at a good through line. But then some twist comes up that makes everything they said before completely pointless."

THESE TWO, "START AT A GOOD THROUGH LINE!?"

LILLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

6:15: "Season one's Amon is a socialist activist who cares about the oppression of non-benders by benders-- until it turns out that he doesn't."

I know this is a popular interpretation of the equalitists, especially given that their name is 'the equalists,' but actually the show never gives us enough information about the sociopolitical dynamics of benders and non-benders to say for sure. I'm not going to get into it here, if you want my full breakdown and analysis on the social politics of Avatar, let me know. In summary, it's tempting to assume benders would be the dominant class as they have literal powers, but that's not really how systemic power works. There's conflicting inference on what the dynamics are, and it may be different depending on the nation. The equalists are schrodinger's activists. They could be the Black Panthers, they could be the Proud Boys. That is not me making a false equivalency between those two groups, it's just never established if their perceived systemic persecution is real or imagined.

This isn't really a criticism of Lily. That it is so ambiguous is a flaw in the show. The interpretation Amon is supposed to be a socialist is as valid as any. Well. . . It's an extremely reductive interpretation of a socialist, and I know Lily doesn't know what a socialist actually is, but I'm trying to be charitable when possible here.

I do LIKE Korra myself, to be clear. But, yeah. There's problems.

6:31: "Season four's Kuvira wants to stitch the Earth Kingdom back together but doesn't want to restore an oppressive monarchy like everyone else does. And then declares that she is the dictator of the Earth Kingdom."

Yeah, that is just a thing that has happened in history, Lily. When there's a power vacuum left by a sudden or violent upheaval of a tyrant, unfortunately often another tyrant at least attempts to take their place. This is one of the reasons why former colonies struggle to cultivate stability-- societies and communities can get fucked in the ass by this kind of shit. This isn't a pro-monarchy message Lily-- consider maybe trying to learn things now and again.

This is why people call you a fake leftist Lily. Doing (relatively) minor gestures of good will like handing out food for a short period then pulling the rug out from under the people once they're complicit is right out of the facist playbook. You are virtually doing the exact thing you accused Rebecca Sugar of, but for real.

You're being outfoxed by a kid's show again.

6:44: "Season two's Unalaq [you get the idea.]"

Lily is pro gentrification until you involve demon kites I guess. I'm confused why she thinks he ever had any good intentions, it's telegraphed immediately he's a bad dude. He's also by far the worst villain-- as in, the worst written.

7:10: "All of them go 'the status quo is bad therefore commence genocide' like they got their political theory from fucking Vaush."

By your line of thinking so did Firelord Sozin:

"I had my own vision for a brighter future . . ."

I don't like Vaush either, but-- this isn't even the pot calling the kettle black. This is the blackened grime on the pot calling the kettle black.

GOD THIS VIDEO IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT MAGNETO. WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT KORRA FOR ALMOST THIS WHOLE POST.

7:19: "The entire show you're watching Korra become a stooge for the status quo every single time. 'The problem isn't that the system is bad, it's that the wrong people are in charge.' And then they inevitably change the status like bringing democracy to the Earth Kingdom and you're left wondering-- wait, why wasn't the other person doing this!?"

I did not edit those two statements together. That is, in fact, Lily pointing out why her own arguments are stupid in the very next breath. Thanks for saving me the effort, I guess.

7:45: "Why weren't the characters you set up to do these things . . . Doing the things?!"

Because they weren't set up to do these things Lily. They're the antagonists. They ideologically were designed to be foils for Korra to overcome.

Korra's political messages aren't even that deep, and yet you're this incapable from telling even obvious totalitarian right-wing ideology and mild liberalism apart.

8:10: "It's so nakedly obvious how protective of the status quo these stories are."

This is, in a very abstract way, a valid criticism of Korra. This is a common problem in a lot of media, and Korra is far from the worst offender. I think it does breach past this to some extent, just not as much as I would have personally liked with all its seasons.

But make no mistake this is Lily again, taking something Lily has seen someone else say and putting that opinion through a blender.

Let's not beat around the bush here, Lily just wanted to bitch about Korra again. It's almost like she thinks if she repeats her idiotic media analysis enough, maybe THIS time people will realize how brilliant she is.

8:27: "A victim of abuse, torture or r@pe trying to kill her [only 'her,' huh?] abuser in vengeance is right to do so."

Okay, that's enough of this for now. Part 3 coming soon.

[ayel-goetia]

❌HELLBORNS❌

---Helluva Boss AU---

"Hey you! Yes, YOU, average, ordinary citizen of hell! Are you tired of your boss treating you like a constant walking piece of shit? Has your wife cheated on you for the fifth time this week? Your neighbor's hellhound won't stop defecating in your garden? Well, stop crying and complaining about your existence like a little whore in this pit of hopelessness and eternal suffering and call HELLBORNS now! We will take care of all your ills once and for all in the quickest or most tortuous way possible, it's up to you!

HELLBORNS is a company of assassins specialized in different branches of the art of murder, everyone here is a certified professional, we are legally qualified to practice this profession and we are not accepting contracts from sinners in a secret and illegal way to murder people on earth. We guarantee safe and quality work while respecting 100% the law exercised in hell.

What are you waiting for? Call HELLBORNS today and let the people who were born to do it take care of your problems forever!

Once the murder is done, there are no refunds. We are not responsible if one of our specialized assassins kills a client."

—Black Swan Company.

✨ Hey guys!✨

Well, I finally did it, I brought this AU!

One day I thought about how it would be if I swapped the roles of IMP with the "antagonists" (Verosika is still one?)

But not only that, I also wanted to give it a few differences from the original so that it would have something new and different and not just a simple swap.

So...

⭕What's HELLBORNS?

HELLBORNS is an alternate universe where the roles are reversed, now, Striker will take the place of Blitzø, Chaz will take the place of Moxxie, Verosika will take the place of Millie and finally, Vortex will take the place of Loona.

However, they don't completely take the role of the original. For example: Vortex wasn't adopted by Striker as Loona was by Blitzø.

Characters like Stolas and Stella, for example, do not swap roles, they remain the same. Only the characters mentioned at the beginning (and those involved in their backgrounds) have the swap.

⭕What's the diference?

Many things, actually! For example, they are no longer an independent company that works only killing humans! Now, they work for someone, they also do murders in hell and on earth, and they don't use the book, thanks to the Asmodeus crystal that Verosika possesses.

⭕Is there a difference in relationships?

Of course! In fact, only two of the HELLBORNS group have any relationship beyond coworkers during the beginning, and it's family.

Regarding ships, this AU is already a Straz (StrikerxChaz) AU, so this will be the main ship. The Stoliz will still be present, as well as M&M or practically any relationship already canonized in the series...

Of course, I will take the liberties of developing them in a different way ;-)

(Image without the final details.)

•Characters•

These are the first designs, and I'll admit I made them at a time where I didn't think I would take it any further, so they are redrawn over the official images lol, sorry...

Here they are drawn one hundred percent by me, and also with the designs that I consider the final ones!

Yes, I know, I forgot to add Vortex, but I haven't done it yet... Because I was a bit tired and lazy haha.

Well, that's all for now, I'll probably keep uploading content about this alternate universe. I hope you liked it and found it interesting!

✨See you later and have a spectacular day!✨

[secrets-and-streetlights]

Getting Clues from Hunter the Parenting Chapter 4.1

(Vampire Superpowers, Exploding Elderly, etc. )

Before this post gets wildly off topic, the Orge Poppenang team has been putting out SO MUCH good shit. It includes MAGE STUFF and you should WATCH IT.

Also don't read this before watching 4.1 or you'll SUDDENLY EXPLODE.

I've listened to the audio log a few times now and thought it'd be useful to take notes and figure out what powers could have be used by the chapter house murderer. From the pinned comment (pictured below) on the video we know that the powers discussed will be relevant to the mystery.

There is no way that all powers will be relevant unless Caine is there, but I plan on re-watching all chapter house stuff with these notes in mind.

Disciplines and Powers

The majority of the Hunter Huddle's discussion is about Disciplines. For this post I'm assuming that Dr. Waters is right in her assumption that the Ghoul is actually a true Vampire. She could be wrong, especially since there was a discussion of Draughts in ep 3.7.

However, this post is already long enough so lets just assume she is right for now.

So, episode 4.1 mentions a lot of Disciplines. Potence, Dominate, Obfuscate, and Blood Sorcery get their own Topic sections. Protean and Presence are mentioned offhand but I won't focus on them as they didn't get the Topic treatment.

I will try to list out all specific Powers mentioned, using V5 sources only. Note that some powers can be found from multiple sources (For example, Chimerstry is found in both the Companion book and Player's Guide). I will list its most recent printing.

Powers will also be listed in the order they were brought up in the Hunter Huddle. If you think I got a power wrong or have your own ideas let me know!

Potence

"Juggling Dumpsters, innit?" - Prowess (VtM Core, p. 264)

"Or ripping someone apart.." - Lethal Body (VtM Core, p. 264)

"..leap into the air, yes?" - Soaring Leap (VtM Core p. 264)

"..to create ripples in concrete" - Earthshock (VtM Core p. 265)

"..people go breakshit berserk" - Spark of Rage (VtM Core p. 265)

"..make any part.. as violent as their fist" - Subtle Hammer (Players Guide p. 79)

"..to make their finger snaps with the force of a bullet train." - Unsure. Possibly Flick from v20?

"Halt the flow of a raging river" - I'm stumped with this one. Big-D makes several allusions to Koldunic Sorcery (elemental sorcery), but then it wouldn't be included in the Potence Topic.

Dominate

"..issued simple commands.." - Compel (VtM Core p. 256)

"puppeteer entire crowds.." - Mass Manipulation (VtM Core p. 257)

"bury suggestions so deep it erases a host's personality" - Implant Suggestion (Players Guide p. 74)

"hey, Markus, kys" - Terminal Decree (VtM Core p. 257)

"..suggestion buried in our psyche.." - Submerged Directive (VtM Core p. 257)

Obfuscate

"turn invisible" - Various. Looking for specific powers.

"Couldn't see him on security cams" - Ghost in the Machine (VtM Core p.262)

"Impose a false-self" - Mask of a Thousand Faces (VtM Core p. 262)

"sounds can be silenced" - Silence of Death (VtM Core p. 261)

"conversations cloaked" - probably Cloak the Gathering (VtM Core p. 263) as its two Nosferatu talking in the example image.

"daredevils.. specialize in ..illusions" - Chimerstry (Players Guide, p. 76) as it is associated with Ravnos

"Obfuscate reality itself" - Dementation (VtM Core, p. 256) as it is associated with Malkavians

"staying completely still" - Cloak of Shadows (VtM Core p. 261)

Blood Sorcery + Rituals

"laser heat vision" (mentioned during Obfuscate Topic) - Some form of Koldunic Sorcery (Blood Sigils p. 61)

"Extract it from a range" - Theft of Vitae (VtM Core p. 274)

"gain unnatural insights from it (blood)" - A Taste for Blood (VtM Core p. 273)

"utilize it (blood) as a weapon" - Various. Probably Baal's Caress (VtM Core p. 274)

"cauldron of blood" - Cauldron of Blood (VtM Core p. 274)

"vitae-tainted flora" - Coax the Garden (Ritual, Cults of the Blood Gods p. 55) or Viscera Garden (Ritual, Blood Sigils p. 65)

"Hexes, curses" - too broad to assign specific rituals to

Paths

D also talks about Paths a bit. These are a V20 thing that I'm not as knowledgeable on. I'm not going to consider them for any theory crafting cause, to quote the Houdini-killer himself, "Thaumaturgy is too vast to be useful!"

Now that we've gone over the powers, we can begin to speculate what clan the Vampire could be. There is some talk of vampires learning Disciplines from each other, but D makes a point to say its unlikely. For now I'm going to assume that the Vampire hasn't learned any Disciplines outside of their natural 3.

Clans

I've outlined the Clans that have overlap between the four Topic Disciplines. I'm ignoring Disciplines gained from Predator Types and clans with only one Topic Discipline for my own sanity.

Banu Haqim: Blood Sorcery, Celerity, Obfuscate Lasombra: Dominate, Oblivion, Potence Malkavian: Auspex, Dominate, Obfuscate Nosferatu: Animalism, Obfuscate, Potence Tremere: Auspex, Blood Sorcery, Dominate

Now for theory territory. What clan is likely to be in there? I've listed my thoughts from most to least suspicious.

1.) Malkavian - I suspect Malkavian the most mostly because it fits into my "Spit is a Fera and killed Fatigue under duress" theory. They would also assumedly have Obfuscate (my theory for how Occam got choked out) and Dominate. Also the Dementation art was cool.

2.) Tremere - With Tremere being a dominate power in the area and being (almost) name dropped in 4.1, yeah there is a good chance there is a vampire wizard running around blowing up the elderly. Possibly Kevin's replacement?

3.) Lasombra - I don't think its likely, but D has talked about fighting Lasombra throughout the whole series. Could be foreshadowing. HtP takes place in 2007 I think, so a bit before the Lasombra officially joined the Ivory Tower.

4.) Banu Haqim - As cool as it'd be, I think there are too many Tremere in power for a Banu Haqim to be working for the Camarilla (assuming the Vampire is actually working for them). Same as Lasombra as I'm pretty sure the clan wasn't officially part of the Ivory Tower yet.

5.) Nosferatu - I love the stinky rat people. However, we just had a Nos big bad (Pytor) so I doubt we'd have another one. It'd be awesome if I was wrong.

6.) Honorable Mention to Ravnos for being referenced directly.

So yeah those are my initial notes and thoughts that'd be useful for rewatching previous chapters. I don't know how to properly end a post so uh. RRAAHH GO WATCH NORFOLK WIZARD GAME TOO

[lady-of-tearshed]

A Court of Sins and Nightmares

Chapter one

(Chapters index here)

Next Chapter

Eris Vanserra x OC! Alessia Mors

A/N: Hii omg. I was so excited to make this happen outside of my brain. I've literally been dreaming of this series for a while. And I feel quite good about how this first chapter turned out. A huge thanks to @sarawritestories and @milswrites for the feedback and support !💕 😊

Summary: Alessia Mors is expected to marry Eris Vanserra to concretize his alliance with the Night Court.

Word count: 1,205k

Warnings: Some harsh language, I think. Nothing more for now...

“Either you accept this engagement, or I’ll send you to the Bog of Oorid to meet your sweet mother!” Thanatos roared in anger from the other side of the door.

“I’ll gratefully accept, then! That already sounds like a much sweeter proposition than marrying the devil!” 

Alessia was certainly not going to let her grip off that door. Nor would the mass of fog. Or so she thought.

As soon as Keir’s voice boomed, the murk quickly hid under her bed.

With the resistance of her powers gone, Thanatos easily yanked the door open, sending Alessia flying to the ground. “Can’t even handle your own daughter now, Thanatos?” 

Thanatos was quick to tackle Alessia to the ground. She tried to wiggle and squirm under her father’s grip as he restrained her hands and ankles with heavy golden chackles. Keir was staring at the scene happening right before him, lazily leaning against my door frame. Alessia was most certainly looking like some hissing cat right now, all claws and teeth out.  “Let’s just hope Eris can discipline her, Keir. Maybe she'll be easier to tame than your daughter.”

Gross. Utterly and completely gross, Alessia turned her head to Thanatos and grimaced. She may not hold snobby Morrigan in her heart, but Eris nailing Morrigan's womb to "discipline her" was wrong.

Alessia couldn’t figure out which of the four males I hated more at the moment… Keir for his mistake to force Morrigan into marrying Eris, Thanatos for repeating the same mistakes with her, Beron for raising shitty and cruel sons, or Eris for his lack of balls to confront his father? 

Before she could even mentally elaborate on this theory, Keir lifted her chin and forced her mouth open. He brought a tiny vial to her lips, and emptied a silver liquid in her mouth. He pinched her nose and pressed his hand over her lips, forcing her to swallow. “There, this should at least sweeten her up for the duration of that quick business talk with Eris.” Keir taunted, a shit-eating grin rising on one side of his lips. 

Alessia instantly recognize what she had been forced to swallow. It was a potion made of lavender essence, peppermint, and a tiny drop of faebane extract. Its purpose was to help calming people suffering from severe anxiety disorders. Such as soldiers suffering from PTSD or panic disorder, for example. “Did you just use my own potions against me?!” She wanted to yell at the realization.

How dared he?! She wanted to spit on his perfectly polished shoes, to bite his toes off… But the faebane contained in this concoction quickly dulled her, making her feel like she was moving, talking and breathing very slowly. She was... weirdly calm.

Drugged.

As much as faebane was harmful to Faes when used topically, it was completely harmless if ingested in small quantities.

“Make sure she’s ready in not more than twenty minutes, and take the restraints off her wrists. Wouldn’t want Eris to notice them until he agrees to wed her so we can concretize this alliance. Keep the ones on her ankles though, make sure they’re unnoticeable under her dress. Wouldn’t want your nasty gremlin to run away, not that she would be able to… with this ingenious concoction…” Keir smiled devilishly and crushed the vial under his feet before walking away from his spot.

Alessia frowned. She would've reused that vial... those were quite expensive.

Thanatos untied Alessia's wrists and sat her down on the chair in front of the vanity. Domestic rushed inside the room on cue to get Alessia ready.

Before leaving my

Thanatos walked to the door, about to leave the room too. He halted before he could step iut of the room, turning his head to look over his daughter. He sighed, “Just… behave. For once.”

Alessia wanted to be mad, to scream, to fight, to snap, but the potion affected her too much to react. Thanatos left the room before she could say anything.

The domestics started to brush her long hair, fighting to put her wild curls in a neat bun. It didn't take long for them to ready Alessia. She had been dressed, powdered and her hair was done in barely fifteen minutes.

Before she got dragged out of the room by them, she took the opportunity to slide a dagger into the hidden sheath wrapped around her thigh when they turned their attention away from her to rummage through her jewelery box, busying to find the best necklace to fit her gown.

When they finally turned around, and wrapped the silver necklace around Alessia's neck, she couldn't help a snicker to erupt from her mouth.

One of her domestic rose a suspicious brow and politely asked “Is something wrong, miss?”

“No… No. It’s nothing, I’m just a bit tired.” Alessia quickly answered, covering up her lie.

It was, in fact, not ‘nothing’ at all. On the contrary… things were about to get quite… interesting. The potion Keir had stolen from jer had been brewed to help a little girl who was suffering from severe PTSD since witnessing her parents' horrible death at such a young age. A little girl weighing not more than forty-four pounds… Which was almost four times less than Alessia's weight...

The dosage was greatly insuficient for herself, and the effect would quickly wear off. She was certainly going to use this information to her advantage... later.

Alessia was quickly escorted to the giant dining room. The sound of the chains wrapped around her ankles was muffled by the carpet flooring. Alessia took the seat across from the red-headed Devil, Eris Vanserra. His hands were crossed over his head, his shirt lifted up slightly, exposing his hip bone. Alessia couldn’t help but stare at where his shirt was lifted for a while longer and grinned. The sound of her chair moving as she sat down was what made her presence noticed, and the three pairs of eyes flipped in her direction.

Alessia's eyes locked on Eris amber eyes. She tried to stay grounded, but she would be lying to herself if she said that the Devil, as bad as he was, was damned handsome.

If she could've been given the chance to take a bite, she would have. Probably.

A/N (again 🤭): I really really hope you liked it! And what's going to come next... Woooo! They're not going to have it easy!! 😉💕

Taglist: @milswrites @sarawritestories

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

Behold, the thing I said I was going to do! (x) Nobody asked me to, but I did it anyway. Huzzah

If you don't want to share your actual first initial, you can use a nickname or fictional character instead.

I really tried hard to make these sound as plausible as possible per the way Wodehouse usually names things, so I put an explanation of all my thought processes under the cut.

Also, many of the color category placements are based on speculation and best guesses. If you think you could make a case for the color you're wearing being in another category, you can go ahead and put it there. Category justifications and list of canon references also under the cut.

*EDIT: Some new information regarding the way Drone nicknames work has been brought to my attention. I'm appending the following instructions to the nickname section: if you can think of a food pun based off the name you chose, do so, the stupider the better

First names: This is pretty simple, there aren't that many posh British first names. They mostly reuse the same 15 or so over and over. I used this list (x) of canon Drones as my reference to work off of for all names.

Surnames: All of these are either real British surnames (found mostly here) or real British town names (found mostly here). From Googling, this appears to be how Wodehouse created most of his characters' surnames. I generally tried to avoid names that have already been used, with the exception of Phipps, because Plum really seemed to like that one.

When it comes to place names, he tends to be more liberal about making up generically British-sounding shit or swapping out the suffixes of real places. For example, there's a real town called Steeple Bumpstead, but Steeple Bumpleigh is completely fictional. So I believe my instruction above to mash two names together still squares with the Wodehouse school of naming things, Your Honor.

Nicknames: Did you know that it's REALLY hard to come up with random combinations of sounds that a) are funny, b) sound like plausible nicknames, and c) aren't too similar to funny sound combinations that Wodehouse has already used? Because I do now

Most of the Drones just have regular nicknames based on a syllable of their first or last name (Corky, Freddie, Algy, etc.). Rules of hockey nicknames seem to apply. This left me with a fairly small pool of non-name-based nicknames to use as examples. Other categories of nickname include "personal characteristics" (Barmy, Ginger), "random syllable followed by y" (Tuppy, Biffy, Oofy), "random syllables shoved together" (Boko), "food joke or pun" (Stilton, Biscuit), and "random thing" (Bingo). I tried to include nicknames from all of these.*

I first assumed "Catsmeat" was just a random compound word, which is where Fishbowl and Mousetrap came from. On further searching I found out that his middle name is Cattermole, putting him more between the "based on real name" and "smushing random syllables" schools of thought. I kept them in partly because I thought they were funny and also because I can easily hear Bertie in my head telling Jeeves all about his old pal Mousetrap's romantic troubles. I imagine there are good stories behind them.

Colors: As stated above, placements are based on memory, conjecture, and cursory searches of the text. Some are pretty easy; Jeeves likes neutral tones. Some seem more context-based or depend on the specific shade. Pajamas seem to follow looser rules for acceptable colors, so I didn't count them.

Clothing items Jeeves has approved: shirts in light blue, mauve, and "dove colored"; brown or blue suit; tie with blue and red domino pattern; brown lounge with faint green twill (The Aunt and the Sluggard); blue suit with thin red stripe (Jeeves and the Chump Cyril)

Clothing items Jeeves has NOT approved: Blue suit with thin red stripe, confusingly; green tie that gives Bertie a bilious air (The Aunt and the Sluggard); "cheerful" pink tie (Jeeves and the Unbidden Guest); purple socks (Jeeves and the Chump Cyril); scarlet cummerbund that Bertie tries to justify by telling Jeeves he saw someone wearing a yellow velvet suit downstairs (Aunt Agatha Makes a Bloomer (Jeeves wasn't swayed)); white mess jacket (Right Ho, Jeeves, but I don't think it was on the basis of color)

Jeeves seems to endorse blue and red on some occasions but not others, according to mysterious Jeeves rules. Conspicuous bright red clothing is obviously verboten (see: cummerbund).

There's little data available on green. He approved it once in the form of an accent color, but vetoed a green tie on another occasion. Might be shade-dependent or only acceptable in small amounts.

Lavender gloves and spats tend to show up when a character is dressed in formal wear. I take this to mean that it's a normal color for such, but possibly not for casual wear.

I couldn't find anything on orange, so I made a guess. I think it's a good guess.

I could only find one instance of Bertie wearing yellow: in "Jeeves in the Springtime" he tells Jeeves to bring his "yellowest shoes" and "the old green Homburg." Jeeves doesn't voice any objection in the text, but there's no way in hell Bertie got away with this.

The only thing I can find on pink (excluding pajamas) is the "cheerful" pink tie mentioned above. I decided to err on the side of conservatism and assume that all pink is a no-go, but it's possible Jeeves would be less hostile toward a lighter shade.

For expediency (ha) and because the clothing power struggles become less frequent as the series progresses, I mostly limited my color search to the short stories.

I cannot just casually make a fun little meme. It has to consume my life and turn into an entire research project.

And there you have it! Like share and subscribe, ring that bell (ha) etc. etc.

*EDIT: Some new information regarding the way Drone nicknames work has been brought to my attention. While I still mostly stand by reasoning behind the nicknames, albeit a little more tentatively, I apologize to Catsmeat, Oofy, Biffy, Pongo, and Bingo for misclassifying the origins of their nicknames. The former is actually a food pun based on a real name, while the latter four describe characteristics.

Yeah, that's right, my memes have footnotes within footnotes

[draganwhorror]

So I have some fun little tidbits of information to share from my time at Frightmare in the Falls. I had to miss Ted's Q&A panel today because of the timing of my flight, so alas, I do not know what was asked/answered at his panel. However, I did get to chat with him quite a bit this weekend (especially Friday), and I wanted to share what I learned.

I asked Ted about Popsy, the Stephen King dollar baby he was a part of back in 2019. He said he honestly didn't have much to tell me about that, other than he knew there were directors (not the guy who did Popsy) who were abusing their contracts, which is potentially why Stephen King ended the program. He also said he assumes King has some type of claim or rights over the dollar babies, so whether or not it will ever see the light of day is completely unknown.

I asked Ted about Red Light, and he said it's becoming a feature film (full-length) now. Same director, same producers, etc. The only difference is, he won't be starring in it this time. He didn't say anything about the short film, but he did say he will be an executive producer on the full-length version. He also said the reason he's not starring in it is because he doesn't have time/has been super busy with other projects. He did say he's grateful for all the work/projects he's got going on, though. What those are, I can't say. I didn't ask, and he didn't tell me anything more.

I also brought up The Fountain Clowns, mostly out of curiosity, since it was considered "lost" until recently. Ted said he didn't remember the film at all, even after I mentioned it was one from the early 90s he did for a director who was in film school at the time, and that he played a Justice of the Peace named Hayden. He just chuckled and said he didn't recall it.

I did go see Ted before I left today to let him know I was going to miss his panel and see if I could ask him a question at his table instead. He agreed, and so I asked him if he'd ever had a role that he found challenging or difficult, not in terms of stunts or physicality, but more like getting into a character's head or portraying that character (and I used Skinner as an example because of how vicious he is towards prostitutes/women in general). Ted thought about it for a bit, then apologized for not having an answer for me/being evasive. He said making movies is hard, and all of his characters were difficult in some way. He said TV is easier, because if a movie gets behind on schedule, everyone panics, starting at the top and trickling down to even the lowest people on the totem pole (like craft services).

I jokingly brought up Planet Raptor, and he went off on a tangent about that film. Said it was absolute shit, and that none of the people (director, producers, writer, etc) really cared about it. Said they just wanted to rush it and get it out to Syfy Channel as quickly as possible. I told him he was the best part of the film, and that he'd given it his all, doing his best with what he'd been given. He said the whole cast gave it their all, even though there wasn't really any reason to. Then I told him Dr. Tygon was a dick, and he laughed.

Ted also told me he only did Millennium Crisis because he wanted to hang out with friends in New York. Said the movie wasn't very good, but he did it just because it gave him an excuse to be in NY to spend time with friends. I'd say that's pretty valid. 😂

Oh, and Ted apparently (jokingly) feels bad for me because I told him I'd seen like 90% of everything he's been in. He was like, "Most of it sucks." But he loved my cosplay of Pavel. He gushed over it a few times and told me I looked good/just like him. 🫣 According to him, I'm the only person who has ever gone to a con as Pavel, and I guess he got a kick out of it.

I think that's everything. I just wanted to share that with all the Ted fans on here. Hopefully we'll be seeing Ted in a bunch more fun stuff soon! 🤞 

[misspearly1]

115 and 116 with joel bear? <3

Oh my Gosh! Nonnie, forgive me for how long I have taken to complete this. I'm working through my requests slowly. These prompts though?? 🥹 Oh so good for our beloved Joel bear! Thank you so much for sending this into my blog and I hope you enjoy the read. 💜

A Beautiful Thing

Pairing: Joel Miller x Y/N (F!Reader)

WC: 3.9K

Prompts: "You wrote me a song?" // "You weren't supposed to hear that!"

Warnings: 18+ Content. Minors DNI. Strangers to lovers. Love at first sight. Soft Joel playing the gee-tar. Joel being a tease. Reader worrying that she had ruined a surprise, but Joel making her feel better about it. Light Smut. Ass Groping & Kissing. Lots of Fluff with a Happy Ending.

Song Choice: It's Your Love by Tim McGraw - inspired this story, the title, and the song that Joel sings in this story. It doesn't belong to me, of course, but I'm stating that all credit goes to the original singers/songwriters just in case I need to.

AN: Ok, I was deep in the fluffy feels with this one Nonnie. There isn't any smut really - which is strange because I'm always a horny ass bish for Joel lol - but let me know if you'd like a part two with some smut. I'd love to come back to this story. 💖

You have a lot of good days and bad days here in Jackson. Everyone does. It’s just the way life goes, and although the scales sometimes tip too much on the bad side, it only makes you appreciate all the good that much more. 

Take today for example, you woke up bright and early, ate breakfast and felt energetic, then went out on patrol and came back to Jackson without a scratch before taking a shower for date night at your boyfriends house.

It doesn’t sound like much, but when the world went to shit and the chances of dying at any given second became higher than ever, then that is considered a really good day in your books. 

Besides, even if you did have a bad day, then what better way to turn it around than spending an evening with Joel Miller - your boyfriend - whom you deem to be the sexiest man alive?

You vividly remember how Joel took your breath away the first time you met him. Albeit, he was chopping wood under the summer sun with no shirt on in his backyard, but he was, and still is, the sexiest guy you’ve ever laid eyes on. 

This happened just over six months ago, and the only reason you were in his backyard in the first place was to ask for advice about carving a sculpture out of wood, but drooling over his half naked body is what you did instead for a few minutes before he noticed you were standing there.

The man caught you eyeing him up and down, and thankfully for your sake, he felt flattered rather than uncomfortable. You often think about that day and smile fondly at how he reacted to your mindless ogling. The way he blushed a little and softly chuckled never fades from your memory.

You apologised for the intrusion of course, and for staring at him too, then explained that you were there to seek his professional advice. He was a carpenter after all and you assumed he’d know how to help. The project you were working on at the time was a three foot wooden rabbit. You’ve always believed they brought good luck and wanted something decorative for your home.

Joel naturally took an interest in your project and instead of just giving you a short answer and a couple pointers, he offered you a seat on his back porch and gave some really helpful advice on what to do and what not to do. You sat with the man for twenty minutes and the conversation flowed like you were a friend to him, not a stranger. He really made you feel comfortable and welcome, even offered you a tall glass of lemonade with ice upon noticing you were burning up from the sun in the sky.

You accepted his offer, but later admitted that it was actually his voice causing you to burn up. Not only were you attracted to his looks, but you were attracted to that thick southern drawl of his too. He spoke with a pleasantly deep, yet equally soft and smooth tone, one that just captured your whole attention and drew you in.

Joel's company was captivating, and you hungrily wanted more of his attention, but even though he didn't give you any reason to end the conversation, you made an excuse to leave and let him get back to chopping wood. You didn’t want to leave so soon after meeting him, but you had already taken up too much of his time and thanked him before saying your goodbyes. His response however, was most surprising.

“Happy to help, darlin’,” is what he said to you, and the flirtatious wink he shot your way made you feel weak in the knees. It was a simple gesture, but he did it so smoothly and with a seductive smirk on his lips too that just made you all the more attracted to him. 

You left Joel that day, feeling giddy, turned on and a little lightheaded too, then planned to return three days later with a home baked cherry pie to say thanks for the help, but to your absolute surprise and delight, the man showed up at your door just as you had taken the pie out of your oven.

He wanted to see you again and had asked his brother where you live to show up at your door unannounced. You invited him into your home, shared that cherry pie over another captivating conversation and the rest was history. 

Six months later, here you are now; in a steady relationship with the man and your love for each other grows stronger everyday. You still drool over him and even consider it a hobby of yours to watch him work, especially when he’s in his workshop.

You like to be in his company and often just sit on the sofa with a book to read while he chips and chisels away at a block of wood, creating another masterpiece worthy of a place on display around his home. But more often than not, your book is abandoned as you choose to gaze upon him instead.

No matter how many times you’ve done it before, you never grow tired of admiring the way Joel looks while working. He has a little lamp in his desk, it’s dimly lit and casts a warm glow across his face which just highlights his rugged good looks in the very best way. 

The focus and patience he has with woodwork is quite impressive too. You love to see that look of concentration on his face. It’s the way his eyes glide across his sculpture and his brows furrow, or the way he sometimes presses the tip of his tongue against his lip. You don’t know why he does that, but it’s really cute and funny to see nonetheless. Suppose it’s just one of those things that some people do without realising it. 

While you often like to gaze at him in his workshop, he likes to gaze at you too, especially when dancing in the dark. It’s become something that you and Joel do almost every night. He waits till nightfall, when all the lights are off and you’re about to head upstairs to bed or say goodnight and head home. Spontaneously grabbing your hand, he’ll pull you toward his chest and sway to the sweet sound of silence, grinning brightly as you laugh with endearment.

Dancing in the dark. That was Joel’s thing. He started it, but it’s something you very quickly grew to love. Speaking of love, he often swears that your love does something to him while dancing in the dark with you. He’ll joke and say that he’s under a spell, but can’t get enough while looking into your eyes and brushing a piece of hair behind your ear to really drink in the sight of your face mere inches away from his. 

And you believe him. Believe every word of what he says. He certainly acts like he can’t get enough of your love as he finds any and all ways to adore you. “Darlin’, your love is a beautiful thing.” He’s said to you many times before in the past and you believe him, but you never forget to tell him that his love is also a beautiful thing as well. The man treasures you, thinks the world of you and keeps you close to his heart. Those feelings are mutual. You feel the same way as he does, and honestly, you can see yourself spending the rest of your days with Joel. 

Upon spending the last several minutes thinking about the man, the desire to be in his company was growing rapidly, thus making you pick up your pace to reach his house faster. He unfortunately lives on the other side of Jackson, therefore it takes a solid ten minutes to walk there depending on your speed. Usually, you just take a leisurely stroll, but tonight you’re feeling extra needy for his love and attention.

Approaching his front door with your own key in hand, a key that he gave you two weeks ago, you unlock the door and slip inside quietly without making any noise. Joel admitted that he would have given you a key to his home sooner, but he worried about how it would make you feel and assured you that the gesture doesn’t need to be reciprocated. He just didn’t want to rush you, or make you feel obligated in any way, but you wanted to. You wanted him to have access to your house like it was his second home, and so you took your spare key and gave it to him two weeks ago on that very same day. 

Truthfully, you like to spend most evenings over at Joel’s house compared to yours. You can’t describe it exactly, or pin-point the reason why, but his house just feels the right place to be. Despite that, he also has such great taste in decoration too. You admire the way he furnished his place. It looks better than yours and feels cosy, welcoming and relaxed. 

Since you could hear the familiar twang of his guitar upon entering his home, you guessed that he was out back on the porch. It’s one of two usual spots that he likes to sit and play till his heart's content. You love to listen to him, and considering you wanted to take him by surprise, you tip-toed your way into the kitchen and through the laundry room to listen at the back door. However, you didn’t recognise the tune. 

The song Joel was playing is something he hasn’t ever played before, but it started off with an acoustic that was warm and gentle. Just so soothing to the ears that you instantly relaxed as your face softened with a smile. You leaned against the doorframe and closed your eyes, listening to him harmonising with the melody that he had created. The sound of him humming was so peaceful that it could lull you to sleep right here, but then he started singing and your heart skipped a beat. 

“Dancing in the dark, middle of the night,” he says poetically, the lyrics of his song catching your attention right away, “Taking your heart, and holding it tight,” he continues and you continue to listen closely, “Emotional touch, touching my skin, and asking you to do what you’ve been doing all over again. Oh, it’s a beautiful thing,” you gasp, holding your hand over your mouth with tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. “Don’t think I can keep it all in. I just gotta let you know what it is that won’t let me go. It’s your love, it just does something to me.” 

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. It was a complete shock to hear a song so moving and meaningful, and sung so beautifully by Joel that’s about you and your love. You had so much joy exploding inside of you that it was overwhelming, though he stopped abruptly and you peeped around the door to find him jotting words down on a little pocket pad - his song book. 

He looked so enthralled as he continued where he left off, his head bobbing along to the tune as he tapped his foot against the floor. You still couldn’t believe it and almost felt compelled to pinch your skin to check if this was all a dream. Joel rarely sings for you. He plays the guitar for you all the time, but to actually sing along to his music takes a lot of courage and just hearing him sing so passionately with confidence was sending shivers down your spine. 

His voice was transcendent and mesmerising, full of affection and romance. It made you feel like you were at the centre of his world, enveloped in the warmth of his love. Though, as much as you loved to hear the man sing, it didn’t feel right doing it this way. You were essentially eavesdropping on him at a time where he was most vulnerable, and it’s not fair.

He doesn’t know you’re standing just a few feet away, and what if that betrays his trust if he were to find out? Or worse, what if it destroys his confidence to ever sing in front of an audience? The worry of this possibility made up your mind. He can’t know you’re here. Not yet and not like this. 

Moving away from the door and quietly making your way towards the kitchen, your plan is to open the front door and shut it loud enough for him to hear. Then he will stop singing, hide his songbook and you can pretend that this never happened until he is ready to play his song for you. You could still hear him as you neared the front of the house, and the sound of his voice was as beautiful as ever. 

Upon reaching the front door, you opened it and shut it again before calling out for him like this was your first entry. “Hi baby!” You say excitedly, “I’m home.” 

The music stops instantly and it makes you stifle a laugh to hear him yell back like he wasn’t just singing his heart out. “Hey darlin’, I’m in the backyard,” I know that, you thought, “Come out here. I got somethin’ to show yer.” Oh shit… You panicked, wondering what he had to show you and if you have just spoiled your own surprise. What if he was going to play the song for me tonight anyway and I ruined it? You ask yourself with a pang of regret. 

You didn’t know what to think or what to expect when you approached the backdoor for a second time, but the smile on Joel’s face brought you some comfort and relief. After all, you were eager to see him tonight and are still very much hungry for his love and attention, but if you have ruined something special, then you at least hope some of the surprise can be salvaged. 

Hurrying towards him and taking a seat right on his lap, you held both your hands to each side of his face and leaned in to plant a kiss on his lips, displaying just how much you miss him. He kisses you back ravenously and smiles like he hadn’t seen you in days when it was only last night that you last saw each other. The fact that he missed you just as much made your heart swell. 

Naturally, he laid both hands to your ass with a groping squeeze, humming deeply into your mouth with satisfaction. You like when he holds onto your ass like this. It makes you feel adored and aroused. He breaks off to look at you, his smile slowly turning into a smirk as he whispers. “Hi, gorgeous” 

“Hey, stud,” you reply and mirror his smile, though your cheeks started to burn up under his wanton gaze. “How’s it going?” You ask upon recognising the playful mood he was in and return the gesture with your teasing tone of voice, “I see that you have your guitar out here. Playing for the stars again?" 

“Oh, you saw that, did you?” He chuckles with amusement, as if he were pleased with himself and you can tell that he’s up to something since he had that look in his eyes; it was just full of mischief. You looked at him suspiciously, your eyes narrowed as he continued to laugh. “Yeah, I have my guitar out here…” he slowly bit his lip, and he did it in such a sexually provocative manner that it made you clench around nothing. “I was singing a song.” 

“M-hm,” you roll your lips together and quickly gather that he’s onto you. That’s why he’s acting this way… He knows. “And um… What song were you singing?” You try to come across like you don’t have the slightest clue, as if you don’t already know he was singing. 

His chest swells with pride as he answers truthfully, “I was singing your song, babydoll.” 

“You wrote me a song?” You beam excitedly. Even though you already knew, it didn’t take away how incredibly special you feel upon hearing the man say those words himself. Perhaps some of his surprise for you was salvaged after all. You weren’t taken aback with shock, but you felt your stomach flutter and your heart begin to pick up speed once again. He still looked so happy too, and you could tell he was savouring the way you reacted.

“Yes darlin’. I wrote you a song and I was singing it just now, but-” he looks at you with accusatory eyes, “You weren’t supposed to hear that.” 

Now you were taken aback with shock, and he began to laugh at your reaction, the sound was sweet and authentic to your ears. It didn’t sound fake or full of mockery. He just sounded so amused and happy, really happy as a matter of fact, and he ran his hands up your back reassuringly. “You weren’t supposed to hear that yet,” he clarifies, and it gives you some comfort, “It’s ok that you did, and I appreciate that you tried to make it better by pretending you didn’t hear me.” 

“Fuck…” You sigh and shake your head, blaming yourself for ruining everything. “Did you know I was standing there the whole time?” You ask incredulously. 

“No, not quite, sweetheart.” He replies, thus causing you a great deal of confusion. If he didn’t know I was here, then how did he know I heard him singing? You wonder while he continues to smile and shake softly with a chuckling laughter escaping him. He’s too happy, and that look on his face spoke of pleasure. 

“Wanna take a wild guess as to how I knew?” He asks, then pauses briefly with one of his brows raised, as if giving you a chance to think about his question before answering. But you didn’t answer. You couldn't answer, so he did instead. “Since when do you come home and announce you're here?” 

“Oh my God, Joel,” you cry out with embarrassment. Burying your face into his neck and lamenting over your mistake, you could still feel him shaking ever so slightly as he continued to laugh at your failure. “Of course!” You moan into his shirt with a ghost of a smile on your lips. “How could I have been so stupid and forget about that. Of course you would know something was up.” 

“You’re not stupid at all. Don’t say that, babe,” he chides. Sliding his hand up your spine and cupping the back of your head, his embrace tightens a little as he plants a kiss in your hair, the action making you feel less disappointed with yourself. “I know you were thinking what’s best for me,” he says, hugging you closely, “And that’s something special right there, doll.” 

Tilting your head to rest your cheek against his neck, his words gave you even more relief and comfort, though the worry around fucking everything up still remained. You lift your head to look at him, expressing a look of regret in your eyes and ask: “When did you originally plan to play me the song?” You sigh, chewing on the inside of your lip with self-annoyance, “I just feel really bad, you know? Like I ruined something special you had planned to surprise me with.” 

“You didn’t ruin anything,” he promised. Shifting his position a little more to aid his comfort, he leans back and kicks his feet up onto the table before pulling you to sit directly over his crotch. The action was nothing out of the ordinary, he prefers you to sit like this as much as you do, but it made you gasp softly upon feeling his bulge press into your heat from below.

He heard the noise you made and recognised the way it made you feel, causing him to smirk before resting his hands to your ass once again. “I hadn’t decided when to play it for you,” he answers, shrugging. “I just couldn’t make up my mind… was overthinkin’ the how and when to do it, but I shoulda’ just played it for you a long time ago.” 

“Wait…” You tilt your head at him, confused, “What do you mean by a long time ago? How long have you been working on this?” 

He grins brightly, his cheeks starting to blush a little from your questions, but he had no problem in answering them truthfully. “Six months ago, right after I met you in our backyard,” he says, and it really takes your emotions on a rollercoaster ride as you don't know what to say or what to think. Though, your silence didn’t discourage him and he continued. “I knew you were different darlin’, and as soon as you left me, I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about yer,” your face burns with flattery as you absorb his compliments. “Couldn’t even get back to chopping wood. I was that head over heels for yer… So, I grabbed my guitar and started playing something I never played before.” 

“Really?” You manage to break your silence to ask.

“Really babydoll.” He responds with an affirmative nod. “The tune came first, but the lyrics came later and…” he pauses momentarily to brush your hair behind your ear and gaze into your eyes. “...That day I showed up at your door and we shared the cherry pie in your kitchen? That’s when I knew for sure you were different. I knew in my heart that you were something special, Y/N.” 

“Joel,” you blurt his name with an elevated tone in your voice, your smile displaying nothing but delight and rejoice. “Did I really make you fall that hard for me?” You cry out and laugh sweetly, as if you couldn’t believe him even though he’s just said it himself. He fell just as hard as you did the moment you laid your eyes upon him. The feeling was mutual. It always has been. 

“Yes ma’am, I did indeed,” he drawls thickly, the crows feets around his eyes deepening, “And showing up at your door unannounced was the first best decision I ever made in our relationship.” He details, though it piqued your interest and you had to ask: “If that was the first, then what was the second best decision you ever made?” 

Joel pulls you in, placing his lips to your cheek with a tickling kiss as he whispers teasingly. “I’m sure you can figure that one out,” he chuckles softly before peering into your eyes and holding your line of sight. You hear the way his breath hitches in his throat, see the way he looks at your lips and smiles, his eyes expanding with love and devotion. It’s the way he looks at you every night, and sure, you could figure out what the second best decision he ever made was, but you wanted to hear him say it himself. You wanted to hear him ask you that question. 

And not a second later, he did ask you that question, and your answer was an immediate yes.

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[mcybree]

On 3l!Jimmy and guilt and FH and various tangential things: a post that got out of hand and morphed into something completely different by the end. Enjoy?

I read a good Jimmy analysis post a while back on how important Jimmy’s pride is to him, and how he’ll back himself up when no one else will, often to his own detriment. And this is such a key part of his character, right. Jimmy doesn’t often withdraw or get all nervous and shy when bad shit happens to him, he gets louder and angry and all riled up about it. He projects his insecurities outwards and then picks battles over anything he perceives as an insult.

So it is strange how that seems to be… almost missing in third life. In that series specifically, he withdraws more often than not, he fears making independent decisions, and he makes concessions he typically would rather make a stupid hill to die on than consider:

Joel and Martyn tell Jimmy they feel lied to, and Jimmy is quick to ask how he can make it up to them, agreeing to give them cows for free. Jimmy is threatened by Grian and Scar into giving up his diamond chestplate and he folds easily, then goes home to tell Scott he just “wasn’t thinking.” Jimmy gets blown up by Grian’s tnt trap and says the walls around the flower valley need to go up, he says he’s never leaving his house again, and after it’s all settled he’s afraid to even walk home without Scott.

Honestly the only time he ever picks a fight in true Jimmy fashion is in Episode 1 with Martyn over some stupid sign placement, and then with the red army negotiations when he burned the banner— but that, notably, wasn’t a personal pride thing! It was a very Jimmy way to go about it, but he got defensive because he thought they were going to hurt Scott, and spitting in their faces was the best way he knew how to protect him (as this is how Jimmy typically protects himself).

He’s just very tame, overall. Defanged. He doesn’t stand up for himself like he usually does.

And yknow. If I had to take just. A personal guess as to why that is. I think the difference primarily stems from 3l!Jimmy’s tendency to take on personal blame for things that aren’t even his fault. A Jimmy character feeling bad about the things he’s done isn’t new, he often does do regrettable things, but what sets 3l!Jimmy apart is that he excessively self blames for what are often unsubstantiated reasons.

Grian’s tnt trap triple kill (emphasis on Grian’s) is the most dramatic example. After Jimmy accidentally activates it, he repeatedly stresses just how bad he feels about it, and apologizes to skizz directly, telling him he feels like he’s “ruined everything.” Jimmy blames himself entirely for this incident, to the point where it allows for him and Scott to team up with desert duo, who DIRECTLY SET UP the trap and OUTRIGHT TOOK CREDIT FOR the kills, in the next episode without even a mention of caution or bitterness. This is irrational; if Jimmy were to ask any given person if they genuinely think the deaths were ENTIRELY his fault, I don’t think anybody would seriously say that it was.

Except for Scott. Scott would say it is, and that’s the issue. He did say it, actually, first implying it (“Jimmy I told you that we needed to shoot it from a distance!”) but then outright telling him (“You killed two people!”)*. Scott later backpedals a bit, telling Jimmy that it was Grian and Scar who gave him the loaded gun, and it wasn’t him that brought it. While nice, that sentiment was seemingly too little too late.

* (both of these are said in the scene at about 25:33, ep4 of Scott’s pov in case anyones curious. assuming my timestamps from a year ago are correct if theyre not lmk. I also have rough timestamps for like everything else referenced in here in one big document so if anyone needs them feel free to ask)

This is all to say: I think Jimmy’s self blaming tendencies and, by extension, his unusual lack of self confidence this season are a result of his relationship with Scott. While the TNT trap incident was the catalyst for those feelings being brought so front and center, I believe that Scott created an environment which normalized Jimmy taking on personal blame for things aren’t his fault beforehand, or at the very least disproportionate amounts of it (so when he legitimately fucks up and makes a disastrous mistake, it’s the only thing he thinks to do). Primarily because Scott, himself, blames Jimmy for a lot of things, but also because Jimmy doesn’t understand the motivations behind a lot of how Scott treats him, and has to retroactively fill in the blanks with what makes sense. Full transparency: I am staking this ladder claim on both his undying admiration for Scott seen throughout the entire series that would require a thought process like this to support, and one (1) interaction between him and Martyn in episode 1. However, I’d still argue it’s a significant interaction.

MARTYN: I just seen you get slapped around, like what’s- what’s going on?

JIMMY: I just- Y’know- just. well we’re living opposite each other…

MARTYN: Are you happy living with Scott?

JIMMY: WE’RE LIVING— We’re living opposite each other! And he builds fantastic. And mine just looks like- I’m just not a builder, y’know? Just not a builder.

And. Personally. To me. Answering “What’s going on?” with “I’m just not a builder” in regards to Scott pushing him around implies that Jimmy made a connection between him being a bad builder and Scott’s reaction. In reality, Scott “slapped him around” because Jimmy showed up too early for a deal that he didn’t know about. But Jimmy doesn’t accept that as the reason, and instead traces it back to a personal fault, something he will go on to make a habit of until he dies in the desert.

After all, it becomes very easy to explain away various mishaps and misfortunes as “oh I’m just not a builder” or “oh I must not have been thinking,” when Scott’s favorite activity is implying Jimmy is incompetent and can’t be trusted to do anything on his own. (Some fun scott quotes being “why do I let you do things” “as long as we dont let jimmy do anything we’ll be fine,” and most directly, “see that’s why I said, ‘I dont trust Jimmy with anything’ because he’s incompetent”)

And it’s funny, right? Because Jimmy isn’t one to just let people put him down like that. When other people in other series tell Jimmy that his house is ugly, Jimmy will defend it with pride and stand up for it twice as much to compensate. But when Scott calls his house ugly, he tells Scott to stay put while he quickly runs to try and fix it, and then hurries back to ask if it’s better. Because he admires Scott, he never stops admiring him, he’s always expressing that (“you’re good at everything” “you’re full of good ideas, aren’t you?” “how are you such a good builder?”). And he doesn’t get defensive when Scott says these things, not in the same way— He tries to, but it comes across more desperate than anything (“say something good about me!”) because he places Scott on such a high pedestal and yearns for that approval. Scott is different.

This is how, despite all odds, it gets to him. And it changes how Jimmy perceives himself. Scott doesn’t trust Jimmy not to fuck up any given task, so Jimmy doesn’t trust himself in later episodes, especially post-Dogwarts explosion. The cake scene, while admittedly a very cute moment (so I do hate to cite this here but it’s a good example), works because Scott left a cake in Jimmy’s room without saying anything, and knew that the first thing Jimmy would do is get scared and come get him. Because that is the first thing 3l!Jimmy thinks to do when he’s scared! And it’s entirely unsurprising how it got that way! In the very first episode, Scott tells Jimmy that if it wasn’t for Scott finding him in the beginning, he would’ve been the first to die. It’s generally a joke to point to fh and go “Jimmy is like Scott’s pet lol, Jimmy is like a lost puppy without Scott” but there really is some truth in that, and I find that to be somewhat haunting considering Jimmy takes so much pride in his independence usually. Jimmy’s hesitance towards making independent decisions can also be traced back to Scott finding Jimmy’s independent decisions inherently frustrating but that’s already part of the FH dissection essay I have in my drafts and this post is long enough already. There’s also a whole other discussion to be had about how Scott’s say is the final say no matter what and Jimmy knows that which further deincentivizes independent decision making (REPEATEDLY POINTS TO “I’ll try and sweet talk him, but if he starts hitting me, what can I do?”) but that is also for the essay

I dont know where I was going with this. I think I made my point in the third paragraph but I feel lots of things about these characters and have lots to say so as I kept writing I got more and more emotional and now I think I’ve driven my little block people shaped autism car into a brick wall. I think I’m going to go throw up and then let the earth reclaim me. yeaj that sounds good

TL;DR: girl I dont even know